Finding Solace

It's really largely thanks to trying to study the Bible on a daily basis and also listening to teachings of it that go by a verse-by-verse method that I'm finding a lot better relaxation over the crazy stuff that's happened to me over all these years. It's like a bunch of negative memories that just flash back and I can't do anything about them. Obviously, it's easy to go crazy from allowing that to happen on a regular basis. I've really found that accepting the truth to all those matters has really been my resolve.

It's probably better to just let things go anyway and move on from those silly thing that happened whether you can learn anything from it or not. Having been taken advantage of or stomped on from a misunderstanding sucks a lot but we're still breathing and capable of having a life. I guess through hard work one will be blessed with however amount, but at least it can be built upon and continuously improving itself.

From talking about how I find a lot more consolation when I learn more about the Bible, I recall the pastor Chai from Hope of God church just not really connecting with me with his so-called lessons. I think they were very heavily opinionated and more focused on dealing with worldly matters rather than trying to lead or encourage us to learn how to have a better relationship with God. There was definitely some controversial stuff, like being cured of a disease through spiritual healing. Also the members liked to speak in tongue which sounds like babble to an outsider. I don't even know if it was a real language they were speaking and nobody was there to translate it, so that was crazy and felt exclusive.

There was a good girl there at that church I was really digging in the beginning, Judy. Nowadays, it's like ehh whatever but while I had those love-see dove-see feelings back then, I recall her saying that church taught expository teaching which is a big word for life-application teaching. I have to disagree with what she thought now even though she felt it really was real. They didn't really go on a verse-by-verse study, chapter by chapter. They jumped around and did topical studies and even revisited the same ones. The small group discussions weren't really spirit-filled but more about head knowledge.

This church is like a ticking time bomb and waiting to explode after something catastrophic happens to the members. They really can't dedicate themselves fully to God's principles because they have the emotional element that leads them astray. They figure what they are doing is correct and are not humble enough to examine themselves. They think they are on the right place, but all I really see them now as are just people who want to play church and be ignorant about how they could be so wrong. I proved them wrong in one area and it's affected Lee and Chai quite in some way and even Jarred and Chris and Betty and Annie. It's some of the most influential people of the church that I affected because I held back on trying to expose them for being wrong. I was selfish for holding back and not telling them the truth because I was afraid of losing them as friends. Well, that's already happened regardless of what I did and even though I tried my best. It's a lesson learned; it's inevitable sometimes about acting out in what you believe in so much and leading you to trouble. The best thing I could do for those people I'm causing to turn crazy with me is to be fully honest and have my fun with them at the same time so I'm happy and stop bugging them eventually.