Putting in Hard Work for Fun

I really like this idea of doing hobbies and putting in my passion and effort and just produce something fun. It's like trying to give back and connect with people who are able to with me. A lot of the hard stuff to overcome has been about developing confidence.

Okay, the people I deliberately tried to work things out nicely with but turned crazy on are actually silly and not able to let go of something to this day. It was never really that serious to begin with, and it feels like that incident I had with them could be a small part of their Achilles' heel. I really have no problem with that anymore. It looks like all this unreasonable self-denial stuff and letting myself get mad over stuff was pretty much personal conflict from having had a bad case of bipolar disease and mental breakdown.

Despite in the mood for talking to show people up like Lee and the dumb pastor Chai at the Hope of God Church in Los Angeles, I do find myself angry quite often still to do this day and in the mood for planning what to say to them so I could just make fun of them and laugh at their face while they get more mad and then just freeze them up by using intellectual principles that make them feel depressed and like they lost and others around them in the mood for looking down upon them or laughing with me.

It really all comes down to self-confidence with proper preparation and just willing yourself to get to something. No shame if you tried your best and didn't get what you were looking for. It's something you can just keep working at and even though the door stays closed, it's not like that one person or group you wanted to belong to was the best option for you anyways. From my experience, the best option has always been to turn to Christ the Lord from paying attention to Scriptures. There's joy and peace through the suffering and the renewal of self from knowing that God has forgiven my sins and given me another chance and it's this grace that feels like I can have unlimited attempts to finally get to the right direction. God's love for everyone is so great like that and can apply to them anytime they want it.