Well, without question, I'm still sinning on the Lord's Day? if it's meant to be everyday. I'm not proud of it and I don't mean that as a funny joke even though I'm laughing about it. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. That's what the Bible says.
What I'm finding that works is to just go at it and that's about it. The most difficult days I'd so for being addicted to porn is the first three days. The mind just wants to crave the fun attention that you give yourself and continuously get it or however amount before you wear yourself out.
After those days passes, it's like nothing. I went at it again today to test to see how I'm doing in the field of holding it in. I didn't do so well, and it's going to be like that always. However, afterwards I'm really holding it in like a beast after a few times. I'm saying this while laughing too, but it's something to really boast about it for me. It's my own detriment that I keep walking myself into.
I seriously want to settle down but need to get my mind permanently off of this stuff first.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
Sunday, March 19, 2017
The Lord's Day?
I have a question mark right after this title the Lord's Day? It initially makes me laugh thinking about it. Some people could be like so stupid and that thought makes me laugh even more.
I was originally thinking about busting myself from indulging in unclean behavior of watching some porno clips, but I was like "Nah, it's the Lord's Day today. I really shouldn't." Then, the girl I'm supposed to dating who I met online texted me. That gave me some pretty good distractions to not engage in that behavior from regretting it.
What really got me enticed to do it was that I wanted to measure how long I am. I read some surveys and it's like the ladies who volunteered to answer them were like this so and so size is for us. The average came out to where I'm at. I'm like so yeah, I need to be pumped up for the world and be convinced that I'll make a great lover and all of that, so let's get into my porn ritual that I so want to lay off of.
All of these thoughts circulated, but what started it was what I thought at first was innocent which was looking up on some nudist colonies. It didn't go so well and those people are like nudity doesn't matter but to me, I'm not like them so I guess I shouldn't go there then.
If I treat everyday to be the Lord's day then everything for me may be in order. I might actually get stuff done for once! The Bible is so keen about preaching proper time management. We need to conduct ourselves in that way to live out excellent and productively. I'm going to try it out then, so today is the Lord's day? Along with tomorrow and then the next day and so on and so on, etc. ? I have homework everyday to conduct too, so let's get it done before I go play. I used to be play first and work hard later and still am like that to this day, but maybe treating everyday like it's the Lord's Day? I'll have a better shot at doing homework first instead.
I was originally thinking about busting myself from indulging in unclean behavior of watching some porno clips, but I was like "Nah, it's the Lord's Day today. I really shouldn't." Then, the girl I'm supposed to dating who I met online texted me. That gave me some pretty good distractions to not engage in that behavior from regretting it.
What really got me enticed to do it was that I wanted to measure how long I am. I read some surveys and it's like the ladies who volunteered to answer them were like this so and so size is for us. The average came out to where I'm at. I'm like so yeah, I need to be pumped up for the world and be convinced that I'll make a great lover and all of that, so let's get into my porn ritual that I so want to lay off of.
All of these thoughts circulated, but what started it was what I thought at first was innocent which was looking up on some nudist colonies. It didn't go so well and those people are like nudity doesn't matter but to me, I'm not like them so I guess I shouldn't go there then.
If I treat everyday to be the Lord's day then everything for me may be in order. I might actually get stuff done for once! The Bible is so keen about preaching proper time management. We need to conduct ourselves in that way to live out excellent and productively. I'm going to try it out then, so today is the Lord's day? Along with tomorrow and then the next day and so on and so on, etc. ? I have homework everyday to conduct too, so let's get it done before I go play. I used to be play first and work hard later and still am like that to this day, but maybe treating everyday like it's the Lord's Day? I'll have a better shot at doing homework first instead.
Saturday, March 18, 2017
Well This Is Cool
I'm back to confessing that I want to live spiritually pure life on here. It's helping me to find some solace with myself from trying write stuff like this and come clean. The audience who I'm reaching is honestly people I'm indifferent about attracting. The fact that anyone could have stumbled on this site and started reading is remarkable.
It's just like that dopey kid from like 14 years ago, my old friend, who turned into an old hag with me put a restraining order on me. He was just fed up with me because he couldn't handle what I wrote about him. I never really apologized to him because there's really no problem that he's trying to make a living by himself.
Yeah he lost control with his emotions and did something that hurt me in a way. I think I can forgive him for it now. The Bible even says I should or face holy judgement. I can't stand judgement with flawed reasoning though.
It was really hard for me let everything go. I'm so much more calm about the situation now. I know the other people are in a vulnerable spot because I can exploit them, which is what they are afraid of.
So basically I'm just going to work out, trade on the weekdays, read the Bible, play some original music and sing if I can and even dance, work on programming something, socialize, and cook. That's pretty much all I really need to do for my time. This is assuming that I'll have my basic necessities too like hygiene and dining. My end goal is to live as a Christian who became a millionaire and fit as well with a six pack! It's not going to be easy, but the hard work will be well-worth it to me.
It's just like that dopey kid from like 14 years ago, my old friend, who turned into an old hag with me put a restraining order on me. He was just fed up with me because he couldn't handle what I wrote about him. I never really apologized to him because there's really no problem that he's trying to make a living by himself.
Yeah he lost control with his emotions and did something that hurt me in a way. I think I can forgive him for it now. The Bible even says I should or face holy judgement. I can't stand judgement with flawed reasoning though.
It was really hard for me let everything go. I'm so much more calm about the situation now. I know the other people are in a vulnerable spot because I can exploit them, which is what they are afraid of.
So basically I'm just going to work out, trade on the weekdays, read the Bible, play some original music and sing if I can and even dance, work on programming something, socialize, and cook. That's pretty much all I really need to do for my time. This is assuming that I'll have my basic necessities too like hygiene and dining. My end goal is to live as a Christian who became a millionaire and fit as well with a six pack! It's not going to be easy, but the hard work will be well-worth it to me.
Making the Choice
Everyday it's really about choices. Some are good ones and others can cause some regret later on if not executed properly. Time management is very important. One of my friends does a really good job at this. She executes tasks pretty fast and states that she likes me. What I don't get sort of is that she gives me these nice hugs and then has recently started giving me a pat on the back.
I wonder if that's supposed to a sign of having earned camaraderie with her or that she's just doing that without realizing it. Maybe she's keen on it and trying to give off a friendly message to me. I don't really feel for her as I used to though. During the last year though, I had some really nice hugs with her. I did like her, but now those feelings of attraction have just waned.
I don't think basing love off of physical attraction isn't going to help any cause. I'm not looking at it in that manner. Yet, it's nice to have an outlook of being with a pretty wife in the future.
So back to choices and enough with digressing for once in a blue moon! I literally have a choice each day to whether I want to come home and not work out and just go about watching porn secretly or to keep myself busy with something.
I do have a schedule that I made visually and I have it on my desk. I haven't even really came close to finish the first five of them. What I'm lacking in is that I don't really want to treat my time and that preciously and just let it fly by. I'm totally not paying attention with my time that I'm putting into something. This is where my weakness is in that I'm not going after preparation, where I should be.
I wonder if that's supposed to a sign of having earned camaraderie with her or that she's just doing that without realizing it. Maybe she's keen on it and trying to give off a friendly message to me. I don't really feel for her as I used to though. During the last year though, I had some really nice hugs with her. I did like her, but now those feelings of attraction have just waned.
I don't think basing love off of physical attraction isn't going to help any cause. I'm not looking at it in that manner. Yet, it's nice to have an outlook of being with a pretty wife in the future.
So back to choices and enough with digressing for once in a blue moon! I literally have a choice each day to whether I want to come home and not work out and just go about watching porn secretly or to keep myself busy with something.
I do have a schedule that I made visually and I have it on my desk. I haven't even really came close to finish the first five of them. What I'm lacking in is that I don't really want to treat my time and that preciously and just let it fly by. I'm totally not paying attention with my time that I'm putting into something. This is where my weakness is in that I'm not going after preparation, where I should be.
Writing A Lot
Well, I could never imagine myself holding up this blog for all these years and to still contain about a million thoughts going through my head. All of these words that I'm writing isn't coming from any field or discipline. It's just my own uncanny personality that doesn't like to use swear words and try to pitch in some humor every so often whenever it feels appropriate for me, even if it doesn't.
I guess I'm opening myself up by trying to talk about my struggles now and being more open about them. One of my qualities is that even though I may list these weaknesses of mine, I'm one who likes to go about fixing them. I want to constantly improve myself and become a better person which is goal.
It was probably better to not get mad at a younger lad who was trying to do his job. I lost my respect for him and so that's probably why I was upset. Honestly, if I'm not going back to read my sentences, I'm messing up with some words and totally putting in a different meaning.
Well I am a bit sleepy right now. My mind is that barely awake and trying to fall asleep right now. It's only 1 am and I should be fast asleep. Yet, it's the weekend so I'm letting my mind ride it out to finish up this blog and get to the day it should be at.
I guess I'm opening myself up by trying to talk about my struggles now and being more open about them. One of my qualities is that even though I may list these weaknesses of mine, I'm one who likes to go about fixing them. I want to constantly improve myself and become a better person which is goal.
It was probably better to not get mad at a younger lad who was trying to do his job. I lost my respect for him and so that's probably why I was upset. Honestly, if I'm not going back to read my sentences, I'm messing up with some words and totally putting in a different meaning.
Well I am a bit sleepy right now. My mind is that barely awake and trying to fall asleep right now. It's only 1 am and I should be fast asleep. Yet, it's the weekend so I'm letting my mind ride it out to finish up this blog and get to the day it should be at.
Managing Time Better
One of the things I have to do is control my impulsiveness to play video games. It's like an addiction for me because I crave it from often times feeling like I have nothing to do. Right now, I have no urge to look at porn. The only times I've really done so is that once in awhile, I want to practice and see if I can hold it in and not release too soon from doing a tight grip.
I'm pretty much concentrating and getting about 95% of it, but never really 100% because it's just impossible for me. I think there's that little extra effort that I need to put time into in order to master what I'm looking for. Maybe in fact, instead of being just a little time, it could even take a lifetime to master from the lack of information that I have stored within myself.
Definitely, I'm getting a whole lot better with my chops and doing really well with interacting better. It's a good thing with where I'm headed though. I don't think the people who I gave trouble and who just fired back at me from being mad in a blind sense while denying it.
I managed to beat the people who gave me a hard time. I didn't intentionally mean to give them a hard time in the first place. They were just being buttheads with me because they couldn't handle something that really had nothing do with the person and me. The fact that this confusion took place is that they just refused to see anything else except their own way of status and from being selfish in that manner.
It really did tick me off and I just opened up by just making fun of the person and letting it all out in that direction. I just became blunt and spoke what came out of my heart. It was totally just smack talk and that's all it really was. I think it's normal and funny and that's what I participated with myself in doing. The other person hasn't came after me from doing that.
I guess I'll see what happens because I'm actually interested in making it hard on the other person and making him look bad now. That could probably be one of the reasons why the other person doesn't want to act up with me anymore and be respectful towards me. From me actually being honest, I'm not really that scary but someone who can be related to. From me doing some honest smack talk, it really helped set things in motion for myself though.
I'm pretty much concentrating and getting about 95% of it, but never really 100% because it's just impossible for me. I think there's that little extra effort that I need to put time into in order to master what I'm looking for. Maybe in fact, instead of being just a little time, it could even take a lifetime to master from the lack of information that I have stored within myself.
Definitely, I'm getting a whole lot better with my chops and doing really well with interacting better. It's a good thing with where I'm headed though. I don't think the people who I gave trouble and who just fired back at me from being mad in a blind sense while denying it.
I managed to beat the people who gave me a hard time. I didn't intentionally mean to give them a hard time in the first place. They were just being buttheads with me because they couldn't handle something that really had nothing do with the person and me. The fact that this confusion took place is that they just refused to see anything else except their own way of status and from being selfish in that manner.
It really did tick me off and I just opened up by just making fun of the person and letting it all out in that direction. I just became blunt and spoke what came out of my heart. It was totally just smack talk and that's all it really was. I think it's normal and funny and that's what I participated with myself in doing. The other person hasn't came after me from doing that.
I guess I'll see what happens because I'm actually interested in making it hard on the other person and making him look bad now. That could probably be one of the reasons why the other person doesn't want to act up with me anymore and be respectful towards me. From me actually being honest, I'm not really that scary but someone who can be related to. From me doing some honest smack talk, it really helped set things in motion for myself though.
Manning Up
After being so used to myself and not trying to just stress myself out with getting things done, I have a totally new approach which is actually trying to enjoy what I'm getting myself into. I don't have those really high and proud expectations for myself anymore. I've also grown past that. To really let myself down and try to ignore it afterwards isn't really that good.
So now it's time for me to put all of this together and get my act straight together. One of the things I've literally have done is letting my mouth go really foul and saying dirty things while no one is around. It's in my ingrained nature to not curse with bad words when people around. When it's just by myself and I put myself through some uncomfortable thoughts, then my mouth can just start running off in a bad way. I would really like to fix this if I can.
I want to live a pure spiritual life even when I'm not around people. I would like to not even have to look at porn ever again if that's even possible while I'm not married and yearning for a good wife to have some great sexual contact with.
Wow this blog is really turning into more adult oriented themes now and I've been trying to keep my mouth shut because I'm worried about little kids reading this site. I don't want to be influenced in bad direction. Are they really that smart to understand what's going on and capable of handling it? I'm going to have assume that if they have the maturity this understand what I'm writing here, then I'll let it be permissible.
I'm not going use swear words even though I do reluctantly in private. I've heard from people a couple times apologize for saying curse words and offending anybody. I just choose not to use it in my vocabulary, even though practically all my friends do say a curse word or two. They even like to deny it they don't use those words sometime! Actually from being around other Christians, it's been nice in that they choose not to. A have a few acquaintances who are true Christians to begin with. I'm trying to live purely as one of them, even though my heart is convicted in the beliefs of Biblical Christianity.
So now it's time for me to put all of this together and get my act straight together. One of the things I've literally have done is letting my mouth go really foul and saying dirty things while no one is around. It's in my ingrained nature to not curse with bad words when people around. When it's just by myself and I put myself through some uncomfortable thoughts, then my mouth can just start running off in a bad way. I would really like to fix this if I can.
I want to live a pure spiritual life even when I'm not around people. I would like to not even have to look at porn ever again if that's even possible while I'm not married and yearning for a good wife to have some great sexual contact with.
Wow this blog is really turning into more adult oriented themes now and I've been trying to keep my mouth shut because I'm worried about little kids reading this site. I don't want to be influenced in bad direction. Are they really that smart to understand what's going on and capable of handling it? I'm going to have assume that if they have the maturity this understand what I'm writing here, then I'll let it be permissible.
I'm not going use swear words even though I do reluctantly in private. I've heard from people a couple times apologize for saying curse words and offending anybody. I just choose not to use it in my vocabulary, even though practically all my friends do say a curse word or two. They even like to deny it they don't use those words sometime! Actually from being around other Christians, it's been nice in that they choose not to. A have a few acquaintances who are true Christians to begin with. I'm trying to live purely as one of them, even though my heart is convicted in the beliefs of Biblical Christianity.
A Few Bad Things I Notice About Myself
I've noticed that when I'm totally self-absorbed on my own thoughts then I'm pretty much absent-minded and not fully concentrating. Basically I'm trying to wing it and be perfect at something while letting my mind just absorb the feelings of some incident and try to soak in the moment. It's something like that, but I'm definitely not focusing on the source that I should be. I notice that when I'm thinking about something else while trying to read the Bible, I'm totally not picking up on anything.
Yet from trying to practice it, I've noticed that just simply focusing on trying to comprehend the text as best as I can and reading at a comfortable pace, I'm able to actually read it somehow. Some verses are still very difficult to understand what God means, but it's just I can read it and have a better idea than I used to now.
That's some area that I notice with myself that I could improve on while reading the Bible, which is taking it pretty seriously and trying to pay attention to the details. I'm just sitting there sometimes and letting my mind just wander off. What I was just thinking now, is this old friend who I lost contact with along time ago. She married a doofus but I don't really care that he is one to me. Anyhow, she talked about how reading the Bible was a chore to her on some occasions. That's very interesting indeed in that she was one to read it daily. She was a little mislead with emotional reasoning too just like we all can be, so it's really hard to find the right guidance for the Bible sometimes.
I guess it comes down to if the soul really wants to will him or herself into having a true spiritual walk with God.
Yet from trying to practice it, I've noticed that just simply focusing on trying to comprehend the text as best as I can and reading at a comfortable pace, I'm able to actually read it somehow. Some verses are still very difficult to understand what God means, but it's just I can read it and have a better idea than I used to now.
That's some area that I notice with myself that I could improve on while reading the Bible, which is taking it pretty seriously and trying to pay attention to the details. I'm just sitting there sometimes and letting my mind just wander off. What I was just thinking now, is this old friend who I lost contact with along time ago. She married a doofus but I don't really care that he is one to me. Anyhow, she talked about how reading the Bible was a chore to her on some occasions. That's very interesting indeed in that she was one to read it daily. She was a little mislead with emotional reasoning too just like we all can be, so it's really hard to find the right guidance for the Bible sometimes.
I guess it comes down to if the soul really wants to will him or herself into having a true spiritual walk with God.
Just the Basics For Me
I guess my basics now is to pretty much just find time after work to work out, do a little trading, and studying a little bit of the Bible each day. I would love to do this. On top of this, I would also like to cook my own meals instead of being reliant of having to go buy it every time. Another thing is that I would like to continue developing in music, song, and dance. Programming on the computer or something related to doing IT is pretty much my last deal, so that's pretty much like my favorite five things that I want to stay on top of if I can each day. Oh yeah, I would also like to make some time to socialize with people to so I really ought to make the best of this.
I can't really let myself get so carried away with playing video games and watching movies or TV by myself now. I'm letting myself just go and time just flies by fast without me realizing it. I should just ignore those activities and control the self-pressure and out of it feeling I'm going through and just follow through. What makes it hard is that I'm worried about overdoing it and putting myself into some type of depression. I'm a little scared in that sense so I've been just relaxing with games and TV to just try to offset those weird feelings of mine sometimes. I guess I'm trying to distract myself from reality like a drug in some sense. Maybe, I would be a stronger person if I managed those feelings and worked hard to be a successful millionaire with a six pack.
I can't really let myself get so carried away with playing video games and watching movies or TV by myself now. I'm letting myself just go and time just flies by fast without me realizing it. I should just ignore those activities and control the self-pressure and out of it feeling I'm going through and just follow through. What makes it hard is that I'm worried about overdoing it and putting myself into some type of depression. I'm a little scared in that sense so I've been just relaxing with games and TV to just try to offset those weird feelings of mine sometimes. I guess I'm trying to distract myself from reality like a drug in some sense. Maybe, I would be a stronger person if I managed those feelings and worked hard to be a successful millionaire with a six pack.
The Basics
Okay, what I need to do is pretty much follow a routine and live up to it even if I'm not really feeling it. I think there's where I'm having trouble managing then. It's a lot of hard work and I'm not totally into all the time, but I think it's good for me to do something anyway. Regardless of whatever I do in life, it's pretty much going to be a privilege anyway that I get to make a living.
To have a living and be able to make a decent earning on something, I guess that's what it's about then.
To have a living and be able to make a decent earning on something, I guess that's what it's about then.
Where I've Been Messing Up
I guess it's not really a bad thing, but I was just looking up on comments with YouTube just to entertain myself and to watch some dramatized history. I guess I'm letting my eyes get glued onto stuff like that and I shouldn't really have to.
I think it's just the mind wants to be lazy and I don't think I need to let myself get self-absorbed into that. It's time for me to just move on again and keep myself from being stopped cold on the tracks.
I think it's just the mind wants to be lazy and I don't think I need to let myself get self-absorbed into that. It's time for me to just move on again and keep myself from being stopped cold on the tracks.
Readjusting and Getting Fit
Okay I think this is what I need. I need to go back into working out and getting in shape again. I need to get that motivation and discipline started up so that I can make it happen. I'm messing up by not doing it. It's taking a lot of my time indeed but I think it's worth it.
Getting Back Into Scheme of Things
Okay so I was playing all of these computer games and now I feel pretty sheepish about doing them. I feel very accomplished indeed but I think I can be a little more productive in them now, so that's what I'll be trying to go for then.
Catching Up
Okay it's time for to catch up again. I have been just practically honest and doing my own thing. I'm not really trying to attract attention or anything, but I guess it's just what it is. I'm going to try to finish this up again because I haven't been blogging on this thing for awhile this month.
Thursday, March 16, 2017
Discipline
What I can liken to discipline a lot with right now is that it could be in the same way as making love the right way! Special attention and care needs to be given and a lot of hard work comes from the preparation to go after the ultimate experience. It requires constant love and just to maintain the pleasure there needs to be good feedback. With love making, communication has definitely got to be key.
Realizing what I'm capable of from practicing with porn is really bad for me. I'm still not desensitized to it where it won't have any effect on me, but I don't count on going there. I've been using it for my own gain of trying to learn how to properly give pleasure to the partner. It's really boring from looking at this angle. I just can't see it as a form of entertainment really when it totally goes against my personal morals. I'm never going to go after fornicating, maybe in my head, but never physically in person. I just can't do it and it's been ingrained in me that I won't do it and still won't be willing, if I were to even be raped by the best lover in the world. Well, if she was my wife, things change in an instant of course.
Realizing what I'm capable of from practicing with porn is really bad for me. I'm still not desensitized to it where it won't have any effect on me, but I don't count on going there. I've been using it for my own gain of trying to learn how to properly give pleasure to the partner. It's really boring from looking at this angle. I just can't see it as a form of entertainment really when it totally goes against my personal morals. I'm never going to go after fornicating, maybe in my head, but never physically in person. I just can't do it and it's been ingrained in me that I won't do it and still won't be willing, if I were to even be raped by the best lover in the world. Well, if she was my wife, things change in an instant of course.
Coming To Terms With It
Last night, I figured out that I don't need porn to help myself do some edging. If you don't know what that is, I'm not really going into detail. Yet, I was working on the sensitive part and could last only about three minutes with a strong grip. Okay, this is really bad for me to continue doing. I just feel guilty about doing all of this stuff.
I think I'm ready to let it go. One of my insecurities was keeping me from moving on and pushing forward to more healthier and lengthier things. Sometimes the ego wants to be impatient and lazy. It just will give up. Like my good friend here, he tries to give effort and then just believes that his I.Q. level isn't good enough. With all of that confusion, he also adds on some paranoia. He'll say it was the cause of co-workers, but I think he brought that upon himself. It's hard to say because he probably doesn't fully understand it to an extent that he can get a grip of it yet.
I was ailing for a long time over that stupid church girl putting a restraining order on me. It wasn't domestic abuse or anything. She just did it under the pretense of kicking me out of her church. It wasn't done out of love. A loving person wouldn't act that way. She totally sinned from being overly protective with her self-interests which is promoting her ideas of how to behave. It had no love in it because she was too mad to realize that she was going overboard. She was blinded by it, but now I can state how embarrassing it would be for her with me bringing it up. I can direct those types of personal attacks now with her to make her shut up!
Yeah, I'm able to put her and those stupid church people who were involved in a totally hopeless case with me in their place. I made a promise with God first that I would become a millionaire with a six pack before I went to do anything foolish with them. It's pretty much a spiritual battle for me here with the flesh and growing spirit inside of me. I've been very selfish lately from being self-absorbed about my own dealings. Yet, when I tune in to God's Word it feels very miraculous and such a relief for me. I do want to live purely in that manner and it's a struggle for me daily.
I think I'm ready to let it go. One of my insecurities was keeping me from moving on and pushing forward to more healthier and lengthier things. Sometimes the ego wants to be impatient and lazy. It just will give up. Like my good friend here, he tries to give effort and then just believes that his I.Q. level isn't good enough. With all of that confusion, he also adds on some paranoia. He'll say it was the cause of co-workers, but I think he brought that upon himself. It's hard to say because he probably doesn't fully understand it to an extent that he can get a grip of it yet.
I was ailing for a long time over that stupid church girl putting a restraining order on me. It wasn't domestic abuse or anything. She just did it under the pretense of kicking me out of her church. It wasn't done out of love. A loving person wouldn't act that way. She totally sinned from being overly protective with her self-interests which is promoting her ideas of how to behave. It had no love in it because she was too mad to realize that she was going overboard. She was blinded by it, but now I can state how embarrassing it would be for her with me bringing it up. I can direct those types of personal attacks now with her to make her shut up!
Yeah, I'm able to put her and those stupid church people who were involved in a totally hopeless case with me in their place. I made a promise with God first that I would become a millionaire with a six pack before I went to do anything foolish with them. It's pretty much a spiritual battle for me here with the flesh and growing spirit inside of me. I've been very selfish lately from being self-absorbed about my own dealings. Yet, when I tune in to God's Word it feels very miraculous and such a relief for me. I do want to live purely in that manner and it's a struggle for me daily.
Monday, March 13, 2017
Getting Away From Habits
Last night, I came back from snowboarding and for about an hour I felt like I was in a vulnerable situation. I felt like I had nothing to do and just felt bored and lazy. It's a feeling that makes you feel shut off. I don't like that feeling. I don't feel that way right now though. I guess it's because I was just tired and not in the mood for anything. I don't really feel that way right now!
Yet, I was like hmm I'm in the mood for having sex. Yet, I have no wife. Okay, let's google for some pornography to practice off of. I was gripping pretty hard and lasted like 11 minutes and fast forwarded lots of boring parts. After that I felt bad, like I couldn't look myself in the mirror. I'm like this on occasion. It can be a chain where I do it for consecutive days and then just blow off on it for months and than get back onto it again.
There's something seriously motivating me, and I think it's that I really long to have crazy good sex in a marriage with a beautiful Christian lady. Does she even exist? I would like to do this regularly as crazy as it seems, but I think just once in awhile would be something I could behave for as well.
Might as well just learn to control the urges for myself now so that I don't get really messed up by looking at porn in marriage. That's just pure disgusting for the soul and not right thing to do. If I learn to control it now with no wife, then I could seriously mess myself up with a tempting girlfriend who wouldn't be right for me anyway. I don't want to find myself in this trap.
I'm going to go after stopping it and I think it might be my calling to do so from the Holy Spirit. It could be to ask forgiveness and repent and go for living with a clean spirit and to live in purity.
Yet, I was like hmm I'm in the mood for having sex. Yet, I have no wife. Okay, let's google for some pornography to practice off of. I was gripping pretty hard and lasted like 11 minutes and fast forwarded lots of boring parts. After that I felt bad, like I couldn't look myself in the mirror. I'm like this on occasion. It can be a chain where I do it for consecutive days and then just blow off on it for months and than get back onto it again.
There's something seriously motivating me, and I think it's that I really long to have crazy good sex in a marriage with a beautiful Christian lady. Does she even exist? I would like to do this regularly as crazy as it seems, but I think just once in awhile would be something I could behave for as well.
Might as well just learn to control the urges for myself now so that I don't get really messed up by looking at porn in marriage. That's just pure disgusting for the soul and not right thing to do. If I learn to control it now with no wife, then I could seriously mess myself up with a tempting girlfriend who wouldn't be right for me anyway. I don't want to find myself in this trap.
I'm going to go after stopping it and I think it might be my calling to do so from the Holy Spirit. It could be to ask forgiveness and repent and go for living with a clean spirit and to live in purity.
Embarrassing Act
I'm basically scared about blowing my load early. I'm still on my way to becoming a 40 year old virgin. I don't really care that I haven't engaged in it, but studying about sex all these years now, I think I know what to do.
The intimacy that girls long for and the physical act that makes you feel from seeing an attractive lover for the guy. It's a bunch of added confusion in the mix too if they aren't married. It sucks to break up after a long sexual history like that.
In a way, it's better to go for tying the knot first. I believe this from a human point of view and with the right mindset and heart, it also will align with the Bible. The Bible speaks of something that's so pure and good and well-intended. It's the light that's supposed to expose the darkness and deceit and bad stuff. It gives guidance.
I am so pro-Bible and looking into it. It's complicated from not being put in today's terms, but yet, from scholars who take the time to research on it and spread the word for us who are not called into that field, it's a blessing to be able to find that material and then apply it to our own spiritual lives.
The intimacy that girls long for and the physical act that makes you feel from seeing an attractive lover for the guy. It's a bunch of added confusion in the mix too if they aren't married. It sucks to break up after a long sexual history like that.
In a way, it's better to go for tying the knot first. I believe this from a human point of view and with the right mindset and heart, it also will align with the Bible. The Bible speaks of something that's so pure and good and well-intended. It's the light that's supposed to expose the darkness and deceit and bad stuff. It gives guidance.
I am so pro-Bible and looking into it. It's complicated from not being put in today's terms, but yet, from scholars who take the time to research on it and spread the word for us who are not called into that field, it's a blessing to be able to find that material and then apply it to our own spiritual lives.
Aww Man
I've been out of this for almost two weeks now. Looks like I'm playing a little quick catch up. Okay I'm looking to try to get back onto the spiritual route again with Jesus. Jesus isn't baloney to me and I guess my weakness to me is that I'm very much a human being.
I just don't believe in doing some things blatantly out of nothing. I totally believe in not fornicating, but I'm tempted all the time basically. That's what pornographic material does to people.
What I have to admit that I've been doing is that I've been to trying to excuse my sin of indulging myself in that material by arguing to myself that a little won't hurt me. I'm pretty much very much into the idea of sharing a great physical love life and high activity that includes athleticism maybe with just the heterosexual spouse. I'm really iffy about homosexuality too because it's not really blessed by God and kind of something that mankind does to please themselves.
Love comes in all forms right? It shouldn't matter who we choose to love and all of that right? Is homosexuality really a love or is it just indulging in lustful behavior like heterosexuality for people who go with multiple partners?
These questions really can challenge people who never really think about it. It's just laziness if you tell me, but if you present the information right for both sides, it doesn't matter after both let out their steam. This is human nature that I've been coming to recognize as a person myself whose made a few people mad about disagreeing with homosexuality.
I just don't believe in doing some things blatantly out of nothing. I totally believe in not fornicating, but I'm tempted all the time basically. That's what pornographic material does to people.
What I have to admit that I've been doing is that I've been to trying to excuse my sin of indulging myself in that material by arguing to myself that a little won't hurt me. I'm pretty much very much into the idea of sharing a great physical love life and high activity that includes athleticism maybe with just the heterosexual spouse. I'm really iffy about homosexuality too because it's not really blessed by God and kind of something that mankind does to please themselves.
Love comes in all forms right? It shouldn't matter who we choose to love and all of that right? Is homosexuality really a love or is it just indulging in lustful behavior like heterosexuality for people who go with multiple partners?
These questions really can challenge people who never really think about it. It's just laziness if you tell me, but if you present the information right for both sides, it doesn't matter after both let out their steam. This is human nature that I've been coming to recognize as a person myself whose made a few people mad about disagreeing with homosexuality.
Wednesday, March 1, 2017
Haven't Posted For Awhile
Obviously I ended up just binge posting last month and just going off on an honest rant about myself. How I find pornography to be not the greatest thing on this planet while being alive. What I did end up doing though is that I watched some YouTube videos about what porn stars are into and I'm not really going into those details.
I noticed that from me just being very open about my life and including my talks about finding a possibly long distance girlfriend, it really generated some traffic on to this blog site. This gets me thinking now that if I'm overly and brutally honest about stuff I'm supposed to keep secret, then there goes my life!
If I end up talking about sex at an honest viewpoint, yeah it's going to be even more interesting. It's coming to my own shame that I'm voluntarily exposing. Good thing that I didn't put my name on here. I have some other people's names on here that I mentioned. How I didn't get in trouble for it, it's a wonder because I have trouble putting it together. This would have meant if they came after me, I would have had something bad happen to me, but the thing is though, I would have gone biting back and maybe that's not really worth it to them to stay vested in their personal interests and self-worth regarding me.
I noticed that from me just being very open about my life and including my talks about finding a possibly long distance girlfriend, it really generated some traffic on to this blog site. This gets me thinking now that if I'm overly and brutally honest about stuff I'm supposed to keep secret, then there goes my life!
If I end up talking about sex at an honest viewpoint, yeah it's going to be even more interesting. It's coming to my own shame that I'm voluntarily exposing. Good thing that I didn't put my name on here. I have some other people's names on here that I mentioned. How I didn't get in trouble for it, it's a wonder because I have trouble putting it together. This would have meant if they came after me, I would have had something bad happen to me, but the thing is though, I would have gone biting back and maybe that's not really worth it to them to stay vested in their personal interests and self-worth regarding me.
Saturday, February 18, 2017
Basically Try All My Might
I have so many things going for me that I'm just trying to be better. Okay so I'm going to admit what I did, I let myself wonder from looking at sexual imagery in the Hellraiser movie series. I was typing in sex scenes just to see the gore attached to it and some nudity. Okay, it's bad and I know it. A friend texted me and was like what you doing let's hang out. I'm like okay, and I got out of that mentality. I guess that's why it's good to have great friends around like that.
I also have been interested in looking at celebrities' breast sizes every so often which is weird now that I mention it. I'm probably not going to and after having concealed all of this for six years on this site, it's not easy for me to be so direct like this with everybody reading this. I feel embarrassed.
I think the girlfriend I have in Virginia has a great body, so yeah, I guess having a wife then will be great to look at. I'll probably just stick to that then and not try to let my mind wander off like that because I'm just desiring something that I can't reach at that moment.
The Lord is good and I need constant reminder that His love is amazing and working in our lives. My babe has been doing that for me and I'm so grateful to have met her. I hope God allows this to be a truly blessed relationship and that it really is His answer to my prayers of finding a good and attractive Christian woman to marry. Honestly, it has to deal with seeking after His kingdom and righteousness somehow. I want to put the Lord first over my life before ours and she said she's cool with that.
Favorite Bible Verses
For the sinful man that I am and how I so relate to others in this world who are in similar boats, I've these two verses to be most helpful for me if I can remember them right now. I might have forgotten the second one by now after having written the first one.
Basically, it says to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and then all these things shall be added onto you. (Matthew 6:33)
I remember a Jewish psychiatrist telling me that he ripped out the whole book of Matthew. I thought it was funny to mention because that verse comes from that book. He was probably mad about the whole ideas centered around Jesus in that book. I was really helpless to say anything at the time because he was treating me for temporarily hearing voices that were accusing me of being gay and constantly asking to come out and play with them.
As one can see, I'm not really so paranoid about things after going through that period of my life. It lasted about three years in my teenager years. I think I was so depressed from getting bad grades and alienated myself from friends and the world. In the Japanese and Korean culture (I am full Korean blood), some students will commit suicide from feeling they shamed their family after failing an entrance exam. I heard a very smart girl who got into an Ivy League school do the same thing after being depressed from scoring really low on her IQ test. Those kids were probably just incredibly depressed from having this performance driven attitude. This need to impress others from succeeding when they wanted it so badly.
So yeah, I've toughened up and I'm part of the super low 30% success rate from facing a psychological meltdown. I don't really care about revealing this part of myself and it's very scary actually to talk about with others. I feel chills coming down my bones because of those voices telling me to come out and play with them. I told them to shut up by the way and took that medication that deactivated them permanently. I missed them like a weirdo for a brief period afterwards. That's where I really sought out talking to real people in this world and making friends and getting to know Jesus better.
Basically, it says to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and then all these things shall be added onto you. (Matthew 6:33)
I remember a Jewish psychiatrist telling me that he ripped out the whole book of Matthew. I thought it was funny to mention because that verse comes from that book. He was probably mad about the whole ideas centered around Jesus in that book. I was really helpless to say anything at the time because he was treating me for temporarily hearing voices that were accusing me of being gay and constantly asking to come out and play with them.
As one can see, I'm not really so paranoid about things after going through that period of my life. It lasted about three years in my teenager years. I think I was so depressed from getting bad grades and alienated myself from friends and the world. In the Japanese and Korean culture (I am full Korean blood), some students will commit suicide from feeling they shamed their family after failing an entrance exam. I heard a very smart girl who got into an Ivy League school do the same thing after being depressed from scoring really low on her IQ test. Those kids were probably just incredibly depressed from having this performance driven attitude. This need to impress others from succeeding when they wanted it so badly.
So yeah, I've toughened up and I'm part of the super low 30% success rate from facing a psychological meltdown. I don't really care about revealing this part of myself and it's very scary actually to talk about with others. I feel chills coming down my bones because of those voices telling me to come out and play with them. I told them to shut up by the way and took that medication that deactivated them permanently. I missed them like a weirdo for a brief period afterwards. That's where I really sought out talking to real people in this world and making friends and getting to know Jesus better.
Time To Move On
I think the biggest hurdle for me in causing problems with the people that were stupid around me is that I wasn't able to open up to them that very well. Surely, those people were like imbeciles with me and lacked so much reasonable emotions to stay calm. They were acting like brutes in an emotional sense from the cave man period. I'm joining in with them too and going to be grunting my way around so yeah, so much goes into making fun of them.
I don't think they were aware of how silly they were being in being mad about something that hardly has any weight. Yet, I found it to be an important thing for me because I wanted to establish something that felt crazy to them. They never heard me saying this, I don't think they are the best people around in this world and are not meant to be at the top of the food chain; hence, their refusal to get along will only be met with mockery from others and more misery upon them in the later future.
I was trying to sugar code and be nice to them, while being so apologetic. They were saying all this stuff but it's now obvious to me that they were just being crazy with me.
I don't think they were aware of how silly they were being in being mad about something that hardly has any weight. Yet, I found it to be an important thing for me because I wanted to establish something that felt crazy to them. They never heard me saying this, I don't think they are the best people around in this world and are not meant to be at the top of the food chain; hence, their refusal to get along will only be met with mockery from others and more misery upon them in the later future.
I was trying to sugar code and be nice to them, while being so apologetic. They were saying all this stuff but it's now obvious to me that they were just being crazy with me.
Anonymous Circle Meeting
This is my one man discussion led by me. I'm admitting to my fault with the guilty pleasure of reverting to viewing porn for the sake of masturbation. It feels very good at that moment, but afterwards I'm like man, I'd rather have a wife to enjoy this with and maybe bring forth a beautiful child to raise as well.
Yeah, it's not good for me. I'm admitting this and now if any kids who don't know what I'm talking about is reading this. Well, this is pretty much adult material that I'm diving into now. I figure a kid would have to be extremely bright to be on this site and stumble on it and that I was once in their shoes too.
I had a period of using a naughty software designed by a rebellious youth to generate fake credit card numbers and try to get on some prominent adult sites back in the day. I was a liar because I think I was about 13 or 14 and it said you had to be over 18 or 21. I jumped the gun early and messed up my sleep cycle. I managed to get A's in class because of my hyper sensitive hormones acting up to succeed at viewing super slow dial up porn.
That was back in the day and I regret doing that kind of stuff in searching for explicit content for the sake of never ending curiosity and getting temporary pleasure out of it. It surely messed me up in finding true love.
Yet in the midst of all that stupidity I dived into, I found a renewed love for the things of the Lord. So yeah, I struggle from time to time in not reverting back to my old habit with viewing porn. The longest I've probably gone was just a year of abstinence. I'm looking to work on it being permanent and waiting on a lady who says she loves me and is stuck somewhere in Virginia.
Yeah, it's not good for me. I'm admitting this and now if any kids who don't know what I'm talking about is reading this. Well, this is pretty much adult material that I'm diving into now. I figure a kid would have to be extremely bright to be on this site and stumble on it and that I was once in their shoes too.
I had a period of using a naughty software designed by a rebellious youth to generate fake credit card numbers and try to get on some prominent adult sites back in the day. I was a liar because I think I was about 13 or 14 and it said you had to be over 18 or 21. I jumped the gun early and messed up my sleep cycle. I managed to get A's in class because of my hyper sensitive hormones acting up to succeed at viewing super slow dial up porn.
That was back in the day and I regret doing that kind of stuff in searching for explicit content for the sake of never ending curiosity and getting temporary pleasure out of it. It surely messed me up in finding true love.
Yet in the midst of all that stupidity I dived into, I found a renewed love for the things of the Lord. So yeah, I struggle from time to time in not reverting back to my old habit with viewing porn. The longest I've probably gone was just a year of abstinence. I'm looking to work on it being permanent and waiting on a lady who says she loves me and is stuck somewhere in Virginia.
Bad Stuff I've Done?
Okay, I'm assuming now that I'm addressing to a responsible crowd and that everything I say is pretty much not going to have anybody coming to me with the purposes of trying to lecture me. This is my own site after all and it's pretty much the beauty of it with me trying to put up something appreciable for everybody.
Obviously this is something I'm doing for free thanks to google and their 15 GB free offer for storage on my e-mails. I'm already up to like 5 GB of e-mails now, which is pretty funny considering how much junk I've really signed up for. I think I need to change up on that again with the settings.
I'm sort of embarrassed to admit this but I'm part of a kinky social group led by a young girl. I found them on a meetup site. I haven't been to any of their social gatherings but I do like to read up on what she's arranging for people like singing in the nude for comedic effort.
I haven't done any drugs and I can be so much crazier without doing anything illegal so why would I want to kill myself. This has been my reasoning all throughout my high school to now. I'm never changing and never going to try that stuff and even avoid people who are into that.
I've tried smoking a cigarette when I was little because my dad was heavily on it back then. I ended up choking on it and it was like the most painful cough I ever experienced in my life. I vowed to never smoke after that and I've lived up to it ever since. I was between 8-10 years old if anyone is wondering.
I even tried a beer at that young age unwittingly because a drunk relative told me it's water and to take a sip. I took a sip and was like yuck. That too scared me from drinking beer for a long time. And then football with the guys and pizza. Very unhealthy lifestyle but so fun and mellow. I cracked open a beer that time and yeah, it was like the best tasting ever. Okay, I'm not a drinker then but more for social purposes.
I figure I don't need alcohol or drugs to inhibit me. I have the courage underneath me to live it out while I'm fully aware of stuff going on. All of that torment and hard stuff that I'm feeling, yeah I'm experiencing it and trying to ride it out. From having constantly done that, I'm more used to taking on crazier things that I put myself through.
Obviously this is something I'm doing for free thanks to google and their 15 GB free offer for storage on my e-mails. I'm already up to like 5 GB of e-mails now, which is pretty funny considering how much junk I've really signed up for. I think I need to change up on that again with the settings.
I'm sort of embarrassed to admit this but I'm part of a kinky social group led by a young girl. I found them on a meetup site. I haven't been to any of their social gatherings but I do like to read up on what she's arranging for people like singing in the nude for comedic effort.
I haven't done any drugs and I can be so much crazier without doing anything illegal so why would I want to kill myself. This has been my reasoning all throughout my high school to now. I'm never changing and never going to try that stuff and even avoid people who are into that.
I've tried smoking a cigarette when I was little because my dad was heavily on it back then. I ended up choking on it and it was like the most painful cough I ever experienced in my life. I vowed to never smoke after that and I've lived up to it ever since. I was between 8-10 years old if anyone is wondering.
I even tried a beer at that young age unwittingly because a drunk relative told me it's water and to take a sip. I took a sip and was like yuck. That too scared me from drinking beer for a long time. And then football with the guys and pizza. Very unhealthy lifestyle but so fun and mellow. I cracked open a beer that time and yeah, it was like the best tasting ever. Okay, I'm not a drinker then but more for social purposes.
I figure I don't need alcohol or drugs to inhibit me. I have the courage underneath me to live it out while I'm fully aware of stuff going on. All of that torment and hard stuff that I'm feeling, yeah I'm experiencing it and trying to ride it out. From having constantly done that, I'm more used to taking on crazier things that I put myself through.
Sweet Almost Done
Sweet my amount of posts needed for the month is up. I actually like putting it all out there in one setting. This is nothing really and it's so easy. It's just cheap and I don't expect to be famous or anything. I'm not looking for that. I think the reason why I'm doing this is because it gives some peace of mind. I just might start opening up everything going on in my life. Instead of trying to make this a website thinking that toddlers will be coming on here to read something insensitive like I've been doing anyway as a hypocrite, maybe I should open up more about everything.
This is after all my personal life that I'm talking about and it has enough sensitive information from me just being plain honest. I will be just keeping secrets that I have to legally because come on that's just common sense. With stuff that I feel isn't really tied to me or some shady practices that I'm engaging in, I might as well let it spill.
This is after all my personal life that I'm talking about and it has enough sensitive information from me just being plain honest. I will be just keeping secrets that I have to legally because come on that's just common sense. With stuff that I feel isn't really tied to me or some shady practices that I'm engaging in, I might as well let it spill.
Worse People Out There
Yeah, I'm only 5' 3" and at the same time I know someone who is shorter than me. We are close friends and the friend is a slightly overweight guy who struggles with athleticism. It frustrates me sometimes a little because I want him to do better.
I'm a little hesitant to include him in my social grounds right now because he is searching for a girlfriend. What I personally believe in my own convictions is that with a girl, you should be the one who finds her or let someone formally introduce you with the intention of setting you up. The problem I've ran up with this guy is that he's been trying and to not that much success. I think his standards are a little way too high compared to where he is at the moment. He gets tired and a little lazy with pursuing things that are good to him, so I guess that may be the reason why he isn't in a serious relationship. Maybe it's just because he lacks some tenacity.
Another side is that he comes across to me if I were a girl as a little too plain and genetically not that much to offer. He can be a sweet and reasonable teddy bear with everybody too. It's pretty hard to gauge things for him. He's been trying to be successful with establishing love somehow with attractive friends in our circle. I don't think that's happening anytime soon and it's not that simple. They are just friends with us for a reason. He should be pursuing for love and not some simple friendship. I'm not sure what his ideas are of settling down yet.
I'm a little hesitant to include him in my social grounds right now because he is searching for a girlfriend. What I personally believe in my own convictions is that with a girl, you should be the one who finds her or let someone formally introduce you with the intention of setting you up. The problem I've ran up with this guy is that he's been trying and to not that much success. I think his standards are a little way too high compared to where he is at the moment. He gets tired and a little lazy with pursuing things that are good to him, so I guess that may be the reason why he isn't in a serious relationship. Maybe it's just because he lacks some tenacity.
Another side is that he comes across to me if I were a girl as a little too plain and genetically not that much to offer. He can be a sweet and reasonable teddy bear with everybody too. It's pretty hard to gauge things for him. He's been trying to be successful with establishing love somehow with attractive friends in our circle. I don't think that's happening anytime soon and it's not that simple. They are just friends with us for a reason. He should be pursuing for love and not some simple friendship. I'm not sure what his ideas are of settling down yet.
Even Though It's Hard
For a pretty short guy that I am, my mom keeps telling me so what and yeah, it's hard but so what? It doesn't really help my psyche or confidence in one bit and through several stages of falling into bitter resentment and jealousy of others taller me, I had to find this personal confidence on my own. It still wavers around a lot, unless I'm walking with the Lord. The Lord's strength is very powerful and the Spirit just manifests all over my heart where I'm not focused on the things of the Earth anymore but for the Lord's kingdom. It's an amazing feeling and I'm not at all judgmental about other's appearances from experiencing it.
I think it's important to be truthful and stay in prayer and to be studying and practicing God's Word. These are the fruitful elements to walking an abundant Christian life. I should be doing them myself and from constantly trying to pay attention to sermons on the radio and from walking into a weekly Bible study at a church, I think I'm making some sense out of what I'm conveying.
I think it's important to be truthful and stay in prayer and to be studying and practicing God's Word. These are the fruitful elements to walking an abundant Christian life. I should be doing them myself and from constantly trying to pay attention to sermons on the radio and from walking into a weekly Bible study at a church, I think I'm making some sense out of what I'm conveying.
Plans To Focus On
Well for my girlfriend situation, I met her on a dating website and she's allegedly in Virginia right now while I'm near Los Angeles. She stated she has a home in the San Francisco Bay area and was recently asking me to lend her some money for her escrow. I was like no babe, I can't. I don't have anymore money.
Even though she comes across as a great gal and is rather tall for me by being three inches taller than me, oh boy it's going to be interesting. I'm also hanging out with a cool girl who is an inch and half taller than me. We both don't seem to mind and she's so cool about acting as my wing girl. She's a cute friend and musically talented. I like her actually.
Even though she comes across as a great gal and is rather tall for me by being three inches taller than me, oh boy it's going to be interesting. I'm also hanging out with a cool girl who is an inch and half taller than me. We both don't seem to mind and she's so cool about acting as my wing girl. She's a cute friend and musically talented. I like her actually.
One Area
One area that I will struggle the most with will be trying to take on some dance class and learning some steps while also socializing with people on a daily basis. I guess I can consider the workplace to be a social ground for me so I won't have to put that much consideration into it, except on the weekend then.
Pretty much it's going to be about socializing for me and doing well at it and managing my time to get everything out of the way best as possible. It's going to make me so successful if I can manage to be consistent at it. I think I just need to give all of this that I'm planning and dedicate it to the Lord for His goodness and love for me.
Committing Myself
I think I'm going to have to work around the clock like 24/7 to live fully with my plans. This pretty much means I'm probably seldom going to be able to afford watching TV. Definitely though going out to see a move is really fun for me though and I don't mind socializing in that type every once in awhile.
This also means that I'm going to have to work on getting adequate rest too. Basically I'm looking at probably sleeping around 10:00 to 11:00 pm and waking up 5 am on a normal work day for me. With the traffic being a major killer and having dinner with the folks quite often, it takes up a lot of time for me. I need to figure something out to optimize my time so I can get a little of my seven areas into my daily life.
It's going to be hard, but I think I'll be trying anything to make it work this time around. It may feel weird trying to do bits and pieces, but that's probably what I'm only going to be able to afford.
This also means that I'm going to have to work on getting adequate rest too. Basically I'm looking at probably sleeping around 10:00 to 11:00 pm and waking up 5 am on a normal work day for me. With the traffic being a major killer and having dinner with the folks quite often, it takes up a lot of time for me. I need to figure something out to optimize my time so I can get a little of my seven areas into my daily life.
It's going to be hard, but I think I'll be trying anything to make it work this time around. It may feel weird trying to do bits and pieces, but that's probably what I'm only going to be able to afford.
Not So Worried About Rejection
I think one of the best qualities about myself is that now I'm not really feeling quite so selfish and angry about a girl turning me down if I really like her. I'm doing well in that area now and can actually still manage to recover fairly quickly and move on too.
I really like to take my time though in figuring out a girl and getting to know her before I go for pursuing something with her. I'm not quite so fast at it and it may be but never know I guess, I'll just let it be natural.
I really like to take my time though in figuring out a girl and getting to know her before I go for pursuing something with her. I'm not quite so fast at it and it may be but never know I guess, I'll just let it be natural.
Just Writing Anything
I guess I'm just starting to recover from a lot of bad stuff that happened to me with people. Those people are a bunch of idiots too! Oh well, it's just how it is and I have to keep on living and relying on the spirit of the Lord for all my strength.
I guess it's pretty ironic and deceptive to think about the most shallow things and be upset over not having them. This isn't really living a true and meaningful life. Being able to conquer those things that bring you down starting from your own heart is very cool.
I guess it's pretty ironic and deceptive to think about the most shallow things and be upset over not having them. This isn't really living a true and meaningful life. Being able to conquer those things that bring you down starting from your own heart is very cool.
Maybe No Time
I might not really have that much time to really do anything in the week, so I really am going to have to be diligent about my time management. It's really not that good for me to just mess up on stuff continuously. I'd rather not let that happen and just be cool.
Let My Mind Wander
I've actually been a little taken away from reading up on a horror movie genre and just curious about it. It does seem pretty cool to say nonetheless, but I think I know what I'm really watching it for and it might not be a spiritually healthy thing for me to continuously dwell on.
I'd rather let that I experience utmost pleasure from acknowledging God's ways and that's pretty much doing everything properly and with the right heart. I'm once again reminded of God's love from what I have going on in my simple and lackluster life at the moment. I just need to keep pursuing and trying hard, I guess.
I'd rather let that I experience utmost pleasure from acknowledging God's ways and that's pretty much doing everything properly and with the right heart. I'm once again reminded of God's love from what I have going on in my simple and lackluster life at the moment. I just need to keep pursuing and trying hard, I guess.
A Few Things I Have In Mind
Bible (God), Work Out, Trade, Cook, Program Games, Socialize, Music and Dance. This is pretty much what I'm good for doing with my free time. It's within seven categories so it should be good then.
Stop Wasting Time
I think I just need some good friends to keep me on my toes and focused. I think I need to just keep pursuing after the love of Christ and going after what I've been born to do instead of just lounging around and not doing anything.
Current Schedule
Well, one thing that keeps me the most busy is my work that I'm doing. I would honestly like to not have a traditional 9 to 5 job if possible and just be rich off my butt from having made subtle and legal investments that just turned into crazy profits! Maybe everybody wants that, but I think anyone just can't pursue after it because it's like not part of human nature to think any possibilities about it.
Anyhow, I'm going after it now. What a pretty good business model can be is two ways- generating a lot of money from working on a few high quality and expensive products or selling something really quick that's cheap and popular. Either way, a company will be prosperous in making money.
Anyhow, I'm going after it now. What a pretty good business model can be is two ways- generating a lot of money from working on a few high quality and expensive products or selling something really quick that's cheap and popular. Either way, a company will be prosperous in making money.
Starting To Put It Together
From working at my new normal time, I've been having a hard time getting started with doing some things that I want to do on my free time. I guess it's just going to take a bit more effort and sacrificing some things that I won't really have any time to get to at the moment. What I'm really talking about is that it would be nice to get a Master's in business computer programming and I have a strong start in it with my first two courses.
I think what fueled me to succeed is that I know what I think I want. It's dealing with a career in making video games. I'm really starting to factor in that I don't really have that much time to let my mind wander off that much. It's probably better that I stay straight and focused like a robot for now and let the good stuff come to me naturally in time from putting in the hard work.
I think what fueled me to succeed is that I know what I think I want. It's dealing with a career in making video games. I'm really starting to factor in that I don't really have that much time to let my mind wander off that much. It's probably better that I stay straight and focused like a robot for now and let the good stuff come to me naturally in time from putting in the hard work.
Thursday, February 9, 2017
New Schedule
So it looks like I'm going to be working out on evenings when I come home from work everyday. I'll be working on everything and going after bigger muscles with a six pack and have the endurance for completing a triathlon!
I'm going to make Wednesday nights my fun one and I'll go do some indoor rock climbing and bowling. I think I'm on my own here. That's how much of a loner I am and can't really find anyone to go with. It would be nice with having someone around but I guess I'm going to have to work on socializing more and going for making a girlfriend who enjoys doing those things with me.
A lot of the girls I talk to are busy people. I wonder what it would be like to have a loving relationship with one of them physically. I have something like that on paper right now from just texting a girl I met online.
I'm going to make Wednesday nights my fun one and I'll go do some indoor rock climbing and bowling. I think I'm on my own here. That's how much of a loner I am and can't really find anyone to go with. It would be nice with having someone around but I guess I'm going to have to work on socializing more and going for making a girlfriend who enjoys doing those things with me.
A lot of the girls I talk to are busy people. I wonder what it would be like to have a loving relationship with one of them physically. I have something like that on paper right now from just texting a girl I met online.
Making Time For Things
It looks like it's my second month of the new year already. Valentine's Day is almost already around the corner which is cool, but I have no lady to really celebrate it with. The girl I've been talking to is so far away from me right now. Yeah, it's really hard in general!
With me walking into places, I might actually feel like a girl with a huge frame. I'm sure she might have some insecurities underneath. I'm getting a lot of inward chuckles about how short I really am now. I don't really care anymore what people think or say about my height.
Other than that, I still wish I was tall enough so that it would be easier to dunk a basketball! It would maybe have been great to even gain a longer length for rock climbing or towering over other athletes in a soccer or football field.
I'm a little envious of tall people who could do those things, but looking at how I turned out, I'm sort of smiling about it. I think I'll just continue to do the best I can to gain a closer walk with the Lord!
With me walking into places, I might actually feel like a girl with a huge frame. I'm sure she might have some insecurities underneath. I'm getting a lot of inward chuckles about how short I really am now. I don't really care anymore what people think or say about my height.
Other than that, I still wish I was tall enough so that it would be easier to dunk a basketball! It would maybe have been great to even gain a longer length for rock climbing or towering over other athletes in a soccer or football field.
I'm a little envious of tall people who could do those things, but looking at how I turned out, I'm sort of smiling about it. I think I'll just continue to do the best I can to gain a closer walk with the Lord!
Online Dating Update
Well it looks like the person who said her dad passed away hasn't really texted me back and says she's really busy. Okay, this is contrary from what I remember awhile ago from what a scammer did to me.
I think if I really came clean on here with everything that I did then it would be pretty therapeutic. I tell my friends all the time and I guess that's where it happens to be appropriate. There's just one topic in my head that I think isn't too appropriate for minors so I'm going to try to avoid it.
Yeah, I'm sure from me talking about it. It probably would make this blog seem to be less childish. I'll really think about it in pouring out everything I have to say.
As long as it's not illegal, I can live with being honest on here. The only thing though is that it might be better not to because what if I lost my sense. Yeah, I don't feel too comfortable talking about some topics personally. I might as well go for what feels okay to discuss about.
I think if I really came clean on here with everything that I did then it would be pretty therapeutic. I tell my friends all the time and I guess that's where it happens to be appropriate. There's just one topic in my head that I think isn't too appropriate for minors so I'm going to try to avoid it.
Yeah, I'm sure from me talking about it. It probably would make this blog seem to be less childish. I'll really think about it in pouring out everything I have to say.
As long as it's not illegal, I can live with being honest on here. The only thing though is that it might be better not to because what if I lost my sense. Yeah, I don't feel too comfortable talking about some topics personally. I might as well go for what feels okay to discuss about.
Making Adjustsments
Again, I'm finding myself just doing same old routine and losing some precious time. I'm just procrastinating when I get home and dragging on something that I would like to do. I think it's time that I just let it go.
I think seriously from praying to God in a daily manner, it's actually helping me out a lot. Maybe that's the right thing for me to do which is just praying to Him and seeking after His kingdom. Yeah, I sound like another nonsensical Christian maybe, but I truly believe in the Lord.
I could maybe stop living in sin from catching myself and try to keep myself from reverting back at least.
I think seriously from praying to God in a daily manner, it's actually helping me out a lot. Maybe that's the right thing for me to do which is just praying to Him and seeking after His kingdom. Yeah, I sound like another nonsensical Christian maybe, but I truly believe in the Lord.
I could maybe stop living in sin from catching myself and try to keep myself from reverting back at least.
Monday, February 6, 2017
Not Afraid To Move On
I guess from placing God first in my life and letting that online date know, she's actually cool with that. I asked her what verses she's been studying and she's able to reference some cool Bible passages. She talks about saying prayers for me and sticking to her loving dad.
What doesn't make sense to me is that she said her dad all of a sudden lost his life. She texted me that she's sad and still that she loves me dearly. Man, I feel like this person is going to ask for donations to prepare for supposed funeral that I'm skeptical about. I'm going to look like a heartless person and be like no to this person.
I already gave her two $50 iTune card numbers from a pic I took with my phone. She said she was going to trade it in for hard cash. I was like hey babe, that's very cute. Her story is that she wants to work for Apple. Anyway I've never done that before and for the novelty of it, I gave this stranger who says she loves me dearly practically all the time she texts me, those numbers!
I told her that's the best I can do for her and that I love her genuinely from all the nice texts this person has been sending. If the person is a dude, man my hats off to him. I gave a nice hearty tip that I could afford and not hurt my budget. From Christmas, I ended up sharing a nice chunk of my bonus to this person too. It was just from this weird feeling of wanting to have a heart of giving. Man, now this person keeps texting me with different flirtatious ways of saying she loves me and even carries a conversation with me.
Umm, I guess it's the end of the line for me in giving. I put myself out there and that's the best foot I placed forward in giving it a shot. Next time, if this weird relationship that it is right now doesn't work out, I'm just going to be nice about declining sending others donations and be ready to move on. It's too uncomfortable for me. If money becomes a problem and if the scammer is going to keep asking for money and give excuses or just flat out make you feel unpleasant, the person isn't worthwhile anyway.
I regret it and it was from lack of judgement. I should be helping out more of my family members and close friends I feel very close bonds too and also believe in instead of strangers who are just felt out asking for money from having no shame in doing so. From making this mistake, I feel more responsible with the good friends I have now. I feel like I have to be mature with them.
What doesn't make sense to me is that she said her dad all of a sudden lost his life. She texted me that she's sad and still that she loves me dearly. Man, I feel like this person is going to ask for donations to prepare for supposed funeral that I'm skeptical about. I'm going to look like a heartless person and be like no to this person.
I already gave her two $50 iTune card numbers from a pic I took with my phone. She said she was going to trade it in for hard cash. I was like hey babe, that's very cute. Her story is that she wants to work for Apple. Anyway I've never done that before and for the novelty of it, I gave this stranger who says she loves me dearly practically all the time she texts me, those numbers!
I told her that's the best I can do for her and that I love her genuinely from all the nice texts this person has been sending. If the person is a dude, man my hats off to him. I gave a nice hearty tip that I could afford and not hurt my budget. From Christmas, I ended up sharing a nice chunk of my bonus to this person too. It was just from this weird feeling of wanting to have a heart of giving. Man, now this person keeps texting me with different flirtatious ways of saying she loves me and even carries a conversation with me.
Umm, I guess it's the end of the line for me in giving. I put myself out there and that's the best foot I placed forward in giving it a shot. Next time, if this weird relationship that it is right now doesn't work out, I'm just going to be nice about declining sending others donations and be ready to move on. It's too uncomfortable for me. If money becomes a problem and if the scammer is going to keep asking for money and give excuses or just flat out make you feel unpleasant, the person isn't worthwhile anyway.
I regret it and it was from lack of judgement. I should be helping out more of my family members and close friends I feel very close bonds too and also believe in instead of strangers who are just felt out asking for money from having no shame in doing so. From making this mistake, I feel more responsible with the good friends I have now. I feel like I have to be mature with them.
Time is Precious
So it looks like the love of my life I met online could end up actually being a faker. I'm really pessimistic about it right now because I sent this person a special $500 Christmas gift exactly on December 25th of last year. I don't know why I did it, but it just felt good to me. I haven't even met her yet in person.
I guess I'm crazy for saying God bless you and from the joy of my heart because it was combined for Christmas and her birthday. I don't know if she even made up her birthday. I don't even know if I can trust this person, but she's been saying the right things to me.
I'm just going to play along nicely with this person. Maybe she's actually a 50 something year old merchant who is struggling financially right now. I'm not giving any more donations. The funny thing is that the person hasn't been asking me for any favors really and just constantly sending me messages about how I'm loved.
I guess if you give someone who feels neglected of attention something they want, they'll feel very grateful. Maybe her saying that she loves me so much is her way of saying thank you daily to me.
I guess I'm crazy for saying God bless you and from the joy of my heart because it was combined for Christmas and her birthday. I don't know if she even made up her birthday. I don't even know if I can trust this person, but she's been saying the right things to me.
I'm just going to play along nicely with this person. Maybe she's actually a 50 something year old merchant who is struggling financially right now. I'm not giving any more donations. The funny thing is that the person hasn't been asking me for any favors really and just constantly sending me messages about how I'm loved.
I guess if you give someone who feels neglected of attention something they want, they'll feel very grateful. Maybe her saying that she loves me so much is her way of saying thank you daily to me.
Friday, February 3, 2017
Trying To Keep Up To Date
Well, I need to get back into working out and dropping a few pounds. Now I'm going to work out to try to get bigger biceps as always and to get stronger there. I have many different options that I like for working out and I guess I will be utilizing them as a routine.
The hard part is trying to work my schedule around the new traffic jams that I'm getting. It takes a lot of my time away and have to make adjustments. A lot of this is hard and I'm trying my best to keep at it, so that's the best I can do for now.
Another great thing is that I'm starting to figure out the type of person I really want to be.
The hard part is trying to work my schedule around the new traffic jams that I'm getting. It takes a lot of my time away and have to make adjustments. A lot of this is hard and I'm trying my best to keep at it, so that's the best I can do for now.
Another great thing is that I'm starting to figure out the type of person I really want to be.
Not Having That Much Time
Boy I feel a little displaced and disappointed at myself because I didn't finish up the mark of 31 posts for last month. Oh well, there's nothing I can do about it. I might as well just move on.
Wednesday, February 1, 2017
Getting Back In Line
I guess the minimum goal that I have in mind is again reading the Bible, working out, and trading. It's going to take some mental effort to make this thing a daily routine for me, so I will trying very hard to make it happen.
Getting Ready For Work
It looks like I still want to read the Bible, exercise, and trade daily. I'm coming home fairly late in the evening like just around dinner time. I don't really like I'm not able to spend that much time up before I get pretty tired because I have to up early in the morning. I'm starting to realize that I may not have time to goof off as much as I used to in the weekdays if I want to get in shape and be successful with where I want to be.
So Busy
Oh boy I'm so busy and I'm catching myself doing some things that I ought not to be doing. One thing that I'm seeing is that I'm eating and that I should be exercising. That's pretty bad and I need to get back into it. My folks are like out of the funk. They don't seem to care so much about not being able to work out and getting bigger underneath. I'm not a big fan of that. They seem to be oblivious to it.
I do notice the benefits of being leaner and stronger. I can move better with more energy and think more efficiently. I like it in a sense and it feels like it makes you built for success.
I do notice the benefits of being leaner and stronger. I can move better with more energy and think more efficiently. I like it in a sense and it feels like it makes you built for success.
No Idea
When it comes to effort, it requires individual readiness. What that means is that the background of the person needs to be established, so the person can enjoy greater success out.
I really have no idea what I'm talking about. What I do know is that chasing after following God's wisdom and being in love with Jesus will seriously help out any fellow out.
I really have no idea what I'm talking about. What I do know is that chasing after following God's wisdom and being in love with Jesus will seriously help out any fellow out.
Aw Man
Oh golly, I messed up by not posting the additional four posts yesterday. Man I must have been so busy. Okay, I'll try to make that up right now.
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
Spending Time Wisely
I guess I'm just not going to get what I want sometimes even when it comes to the opportunity of how I can spend my time. It's how the world works and that's probably what gets people to flip the handle and go off with doing crazy things sometimes. I'm aware of it and coming to an acceptance about how this world is cursed and I need to let it go.
Keeping Self From Regressing
This is one of the toughest areas for me to develop in. It's really not going back to a former state that really had no consequences for me but was very fun and addictive. The only thing about it is that I'm using up precious time. Time is a commodity and feels like it's becoming less available to me. I have so many things that I want to accomplish and that's probably why I need to make ends to get it going.
Letting Go of Distractions
One of my biggest distractions is pretty much when the TV is playing and I'm sitting there, I can just let my mind be glued onto it. It's not something that I preference for doing right now. I'd rather be going around trying to be a successful person these days. Another thing is being glued at my computer letting myself get carried away with reckless time management. I need to figure this out and I want to wake up to not feel like I regressed back into something regrettable.
Simple Goals
Okay, so what I'm still trying to do each day is just get these basics done for myself, but my nature doesn't want me to get there. I also believe that the enemy would hate for me to succeed in these areas, so it's a spiritual battle nonetheless. It's exciting that everybody is a part of it in some shape or form.
I just want to read the Bible, exercise, and trade. If I can get those three things on a daily basis then I think I will have room to make myself grow in other areas. I also realize that I'm playing a little too much and I could work a little harder even off hours to get to where I want to be going. It's difficult but fun and something to just continue to work at.
I just want to read the Bible, exercise, and trade. If I can get those three things on a daily basis then I think I will have room to make myself grow in other areas. I also realize that I'm playing a little too much and I could work a little harder even off hours to get to where I want to be going. It's difficult but fun and something to just continue to work at.
Boy 9 More
Okay I don't know what I'm putting. I think I'm just going to end my post like this right now. I really need to get back into trying to write some quality posts. By spending a little bit of time each day, I think I can max out my productivity with my goal in mind that I'm trying to do. 1 post a day for my average. This is actually really hard to do now that I figure. Nobody really is doing what I'm doing, so I guess since I'm the only one, it makes sense that I would be #1.
Trying To Adjust Habits
I'm finding myself trying to go for the easy route. This isn't really easy because my personality is one where I can let something influence me and get me off focus. I need to stay considerably with a vision and go beyond something. It's easy to want to stay with the crowd but this is where I need to branch myself out. I want to go to extreme heights to put hard work into something in a natural manner. I guess I'm just built to be that type of person, while still trying to have a heart that cares about people in this world.
Busy and so Very Busy
What's happening for me is that it's really hard for me to adjust to this new work schedule of mine now. It's probably going take a little awhile for everything to sink in. I'm trying to guard myself from gaining so much weight. Basically everything still applies, it's just that it's a lot harder and I'm more aware of what I'm getting done and regretting it most of the time.
Fast Filler Comments
Okay, I'm on my last day right now to make up the whole month. This is just way too much. Let's see how much I can finish in the next five minutes or so.
Monday, January 30, 2017
Following Up With the Promise Continued
Okay, so I'm very ticked off underneath and have all this energy that I could just go off on a talking tirade and make everybody say that I talk too much. I can basically talk a conflict to death like that and tell them to not act stupid with me anymore. They will behave because they don't want to hear me constantly talking about it and then finding fault with it and getting them to worry that I'm going to make fun of them while I'm not doing it.
I'm pretty smart and can be funny apparently still while I'm an angry person. I just prefer to be at ease most of the time. I don't want to be mad. I would rather solve problems from being a cool dude and laughing underneath at the folly of others who are trying to play in a rude manner.
I'm pretty smart and can be funny apparently still while I'm an angry person. I just prefer to be at ease most of the time. I don't want to be mad. I would rather solve problems from being a cool dude and laughing underneath at the folly of others who are trying to play in a rude manner.
Following Up With A Promise
Now when I see a cop car pass me by, I'm not feeling so paranoid anymore. I was like this for awhile after getting a restraining order from stupid Lee and for years after it went away. After passing off some of my frustration from bagging on her reviews at Yelp, she goes by El Yummy Tummy by the way; I just clicked the "I think it's funny" button for all of her reviews. She isn't doing it as a profession so I will say that based on my opinion, she sucks at writing reviews very horribly and I have no problems admitting that I'm being very biased about it!
Basically stupid Lee gave me some anger problems that I just let off on her. I made her scared once and got her to scream. It's a marvel that I threw a Jehovah Witness Bible at her pastor too while up on stage. I think she's a worship leader. I don't know and I don't care anymore. The fact that the restraining order wore off and I went back to try to do some passive damage makes me think that stupid Lee is very stupid indeed.
Basically stupid Lee gave me some anger problems that I just let off on her. I made her scared once and got her to scream. It's a marvel that I threw a Jehovah Witness Bible at her pastor too while up on stage. I think she's a worship leader. I don't know and I don't care anymore. The fact that the restraining order wore off and I went back to try to do some passive damage makes me think that stupid Lee is very stupid indeed.
Not Bad
I haven't posted for awhile and have basically an average amount of views this month just as I'm accustomed to. Right now I really want to just catch up by posting anything right now. This sort of sucks that I let this site go from being busy all month. Okay so I'm just typing fast right now to get this out of the way. Anything is pretty much going now.
Monday, January 16, 2017
Effects of Keeping Journal
What's not that odd for me is that I'm taking a few minutes or seconds out of my day to jot down what I did. Reflecting on the activities that I did honestly, I don't feel too good about a few good activities and I could seriously work on those things.
What I feel honestly pretty good about is something that's just coming out of my heart. I think I should have a pretty good grasp of these activities first before I try to go for adding more tougher accomplishments.
Here's what I have going and trying to work on: daily Bible reading, working out, trading, cooking, taking care not to get more hair loss, socializing, writing and playing songs, salsa dancing, rock climbing, bowling, snowboarding for winter season only, attending Six Flags monthly. If I can get these things done, then I might not have too much trouble adding on some. I'll have to see what happens eventually.
What I feel honestly pretty good about is something that's just coming out of my heart. I think I should have a pretty good grasp of these activities first before I try to go for adding more tougher accomplishments.
Here's what I have going and trying to work on: daily Bible reading, working out, trading, cooking, taking care not to get more hair loss, socializing, writing and playing songs, salsa dancing, rock climbing, bowling, snowboarding for winter season only, attending Six Flags monthly. If I can get these things done, then I might not have too much trouble adding on some. I'll have to see what happens eventually.
Pretty Simple
I'm just going to make a quick post right now. One of the things that I'm interested in is staying on top of things consistently. With all these interesting books and software I've purchased, I haven't really been able to really put my time into it that much.
I'm still trying I guess and hopefully I'll get there sooner or later. One of the earliest struggles I had was pretty much being able to sit there and read something while coming to a pretty good understanding. It was difficult for me because I felt so out of my place and like my insides were going to tear me apart. It felt like torture underneath because something was taking place for a long period of concentration. It felt very unstable to me and I couldn't make much out of it.
I think that's why I didn't nearly do as well I think I could have in college, along with my procrastinating. These are few of the things I'm openly stating about myself. It's just that now those things are becoming less of a worry to deal with for me.
I'm still trying I guess and hopefully I'll get there sooner or later. One of the earliest struggles I had was pretty much being able to sit there and read something while coming to a pretty good understanding. It was difficult for me because I felt so out of my place and like my insides were going to tear me apart. It felt like torture underneath because something was taking place for a long period of concentration. It felt very unstable to me and I couldn't make much out of it.
I think that's why I didn't nearly do as well I think I could have in college, along with my procrastinating. These are few of the things I'm openly stating about myself. It's just that now those things are becoming less of a worry to deal with for me.
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Need To Stop Procrastinating
I don't why my mind just wants to let things off to the last minute. I constantly do it and don't know why. It's really hard for me to adjust to this and it just feels like I'm giving myself a hard time from not giving into my urges. However, I know that it's good to not give into them.
With that old church incident where that crazy girl was pretty much being a push over with me and looking like she was on crack, it's always going to make me mad thinking about it. I guess it's just how it is and I'll do my best to continue trying to grow up over it.
I think I really just need to continue pushing myself and working harder because I want to succeed and be better.
With that old church incident where that crazy girl was pretty much being a push over with me and looking like she was on crack, it's always going to make me mad thinking about it. I guess it's just how it is and I'll do my best to continue trying to grow up over it.
I think I really just need to continue pushing myself and working harder because I want to succeed and be better.
Wasting Time Again
I guess I was feeling a little sick today from catching a cold but oh well, that's how it really is. I just stayed inside really and didn't do much. I should make better plans with socializing with more people though. It might do me much better from actually being a people person.
Well for starters, I could really start reading the Bible again. Right now, the habits that I would personally like to fix include watching TV and playing card games. I think I just need to control my urges for those things and just man it out even though it's hard.
It's so easy to just sit there and just turn it on and then just lose oneself over it. One thing I'm starting to notice though is that it's not really doing me much. I think the reason why I've been doing it all this time is because it's being acting as sort of a security blanket for me. I could just let it go.
Well for starters, I could really start reading the Bible again. Right now, the habits that I would personally like to fix include watching TV and playing card games. I think I just need to control my urges for those things and just man it out even though it's hard.
It's so easy to just sit there and just turn it on and then just lose oneself over it. One thing I'm starting to notice though is that it's not really doing me much. I think the reason why I've been doing it all this time is because it's being acting as sort of a security blanket for me. I could just let it go.
Thursday, January 12, 2017
Basically Repeat
I can't everything all at once as I would like to. I'm stuck at my current job right now. I want to be an investor and have all this time to myself to do other things while taking my time with getting things done. It's very hard I know, but I think it's worthwhile to seek after. I'm still going after it because I also find it interesting to work at.
So it looks like I'm going to need to just dumb down a few things and write down errands that I suppose will be exiting my mind so that I can look at them later and try to use them up.
So it looks like I'm going to need to just dumb down a few things and write down errands that I suppose will be exiting my mind so that I can look at them later and try to use them up.
Routine
So my routine is to pretty much try to do a bunch of stuff in a day because I don't really have that much time to do in the first place. I see, so that's how it's going to be for me. I'm going to just keep trying and giving my all. So I practically wasted about 3 hours doing nothing but playing card games. I could have spent it for something better. Now, I've realized that I could spend my time more efficiently not that doing that.
To get everything in order and efficiently for me, I don't really have time to watch TV so much at the moment. Not until I become a millionaire or something and don't really have to work a regular 8 hour job. I guess when that day comes it will feel so good for me. I think I'm really longing for that the most.
I'm really thinking about getting a Master's but it's more on the side for me now. Thinking about what I want daily tasks to be, I can't really do it all. Time is starting to become a very precious commodity for me and I'm realizing that.
To get everything in order and efficiently for me, I don't really have time to watch TV so much at the moment. Not until I become a millionaire or something and don't really have to work a regular 8 hour job. I guess when that day comes it will feel so good for me. I think I'm really longing for that the most.
I'm really thinking about getting a Master's but it's more on the side for me now. Thinking about what I want daily tasks to be, I can't really do it all. Time is starting to become a very precious commodity for me and I'm realizing that.
Feel Pretty Sheepish
From actually not spending my time properly, I didn't really get much done on my free time. I could have done a lot better if I had actually tried. Oh well, I guess it's going to take a little bit more work for me then to get it going and to be right about it.
Well the most basic things that I want to accomplish is to just read the Bible, trade, and exercise at least. Those are pretty much what I would like to accomplish everyday with the exception of weekends where I may take a day off from working out and trading.
Adding on to that I could do some socializing and take better care of myself by also trying to cook.
Well the most basic things that I want to accomplish is to just read the Bible, trade, and exercise at least. Those are pretty much what I would like to accomplish everyday with the exception of weekends where I may take a day off from working out and trading.
Adding on to that I could do some socializing and take better care of myself by also trying to cook.
Didn't Post Everyday
Well, I've been busy with playing card games. I realize that it took a lot of my time away. I'm keeping a journal to keep track of everything I'm doing. It looks like I'm having a hard time letting go of playing Hearts, solitaire, and Free Cell. These games are really addictive for me. I think I just need to let it go this time and find something else to do.
Sunday, January 8, 2017
Going for Posting Everyday
Just making these quick posts and not really caring about whether people are looking at this site or not is not that bad anymore for me now. I'm not being paid attention to that much and it doesn't really bother me.
I'm going for using several tools this time to help me out. This should be good. Since I'm actually a blogger who likes to occasionally go back to read what I put, I guess I can do this then.
I found something useful today. From working out and having confidence, I can approach girls who I felt acted stupid with me in the past. Those girls don't seem to act so rude with me anymore because I think they are afraid that I will lash out at them and get the better of them, including their muscle that they try to recruit. You know it's actually not that bad then with where I'm at right now for being a short guy. I don't really consider myself super short to the point that it's a disadvantage with where I'm trying to be now.
I think it's really this mentality that I've developed into something that's more of an I can do spirit. It's more like a I can think my way to a solution and work hard at it type of deal. It doesn't matter how short the person is especially if he or she is smart enough already and had a pretty good academic background. Now, I see why education is valuable and something I just convinced myself at this moment as being very useful.
I'm going for using several tools this time to help me out. This should be good. Since I'm actually a blogger who likes to occasionally go back to read what I put, I guess I can do this then.
I found something useful today. From working out and having confidence, I can approach girls who I felt acted stupid with me in the past. Those girls don't seem to act so rude with me anymore because I think they are afraid that I will lash out at them and get the better of them, including their muscle that they try to recruit. You know it's actually not that bad then with where I'm at right now for being a short guy. I don't really consider myself super short to the point that it's a disadvantage with where I'm trying to be now.
I think it's really this mentality that I've developed into something that's more of an I can do spirit. It's more like a I can think my way to a solution and work hard at it type of deal. It doesn't matter how short the person is especially if he or she is smart enough already and had a pretty good academic background. Now, I see why education is valuable and something I just convinced myself at this moment as being very useful.
What I Could Let go Of
A few things I could let go of is simply watching TV just for the sake of letting time pass by like an old man. I can't afford to make myself old and not do anything. To practically be a body in the house and not do anything, I would really need a wife who got old with me to make something like that happen. Even then when I'm old, I'm going to try to move her around a lot with me.
Posting Anything
I now bought a few notepads so I can keep track of what I did now. It's more like keeping record of what I did so I can maybe keep myself accountable. By having a log of what I did, I'm sort of keeping a diary and able to self-monitor myself for better success. I hope this ends up working out and something I don't become really bad over.
I think by doing this it might help me out a lot.
I think by doing this it might help me out a lot.
Okay
I'm just writing anything again. I'm not trying to go for anything fancy here. This is why nobody is really interested in commenting on this page.
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
What I Plan To Get Into
I think right after work, I plan on going to work out. After that, I might as well take some time to read the Bible and then work on doing some daily trading.
With the extra time that I have I would love to socialize if I could, get my hands on some cooking, play a little bit of piano, and run some errands. Which reminds me, I should go get an oil change already.
With the extra time that I have I would love to socialize if I could, get my hands on some cooking, play a little bit of piano, and run some errands. Which reminds me, I should go get an oil change already.
New Adjusted Hours
I'm back to working during the day shift now so my hours will be from the morning to the evening now. It's a little different and I guess it's better in general for me. I have to come to acceptance that I can't do some things and I shouldn't really be wasting my time with some things.
Right after work, instead of settling into working on something to play with, I should be laboring to also get ahead in life. This is what I want to do instead of being lazy.
Right after work, instead of settling into working on something to play with, I should be laboring to also get ahead in life. This is what I want to do instead of being lazy.
Girlfriend Situation
I really have no idea if I'm going somewhere with this one girl I met on a dating website or not. I guess we'll see. I'm just being patient and I think she's just really busy with something right now. We did a whole lot of texting with each other and I guess it's cool to just die down a bit now.
I think she's been checking in with me though and I hope it's not because she feels bad for me. I hope she's pretty genuine about the things she's saying, but you never know I guess.
I think she's been checking in with me though and I hope it's not because she feels bad for me. I hope she's pretty genuine about the things she's saying, but you never know I guess.
Start of New Year
Okay, I'm back to typing on here again. I guess I took a long break. I don't really have much to write about right now. How long have I been doing this for now? About five years at least and not really counting? Oh man, this has been a whole lot of writing for the last couple years.
It's a good thing that I've developed a personal sense of humor through writing. It's actually helped me communicate better with the ladies via text messaging. It's not much really, but it did build my confidence up for talking to them in person too. I now have a whole lot of Cambodian female friends. I think I know like five of them, which isn't that much. I don't really have too many female friends, so they count a lot to me.
It's a good thing that I've developed a personal sense of humor through writing. It's actually helped me communicate better with the ladies via text messaging. It's not much really, but it did build my confidence up for talking to them in person too. I now have a whole lot of Cambodian female friends. I think I know like five of them, which isn't that much. I don't really have too many female friends, so they count a lot to me.
Wednesday, December 28, 2016
New Years Resolution
A few days before New Years Eve, I might as well just go after living with what I want to do.
Once again I have it listed so I'll just copy it down and just feel good about it from seeing the list:
Bible, exercise, trade, errands, socialize, bowling, indoor climbing, piano, sing, dance, guitar, cook, grow hair, make virtual reality game, get a girlfriend, have fun at amusement park, snowboard, work at jobs, do cyber-security and competitions, master's, build combat robots, and work on health.
This is a lot of stuff to keep myself busy.
The things that distract me are the same old: pretty much turning on the TV set and sitting there surfing the web and playing card games. I could probably do better than that while I'm bored.
Well thanks for tuning into my blog, if you read through some of this. I'm pretty much done for the whole year now. So I'm signing off until next year then everybody!
Have a great 2016! Hope you had a great Christmas and enjoy your upcoming New Year's!
Once again I have it listed so I'll just copy it down and just feel good about it from seeing the list:
Bible, exercise, trade, errands, socialize, bowling, indoor climbing, piano, sing, dance, guitar, cook, grow hair, make virtual reality game, get a girlfriend, have fun at amusement park, snowboard, work at jobs, do cyber-security and competitions, master's, build combat robots, and work on health.
This is a lot of stuff to keep myself busy.
The things that distract me are the same old: pretty much turning on the TV set and sitting there surfing the web and playing card games. I could probably do better than that while I'm bored.
Well thanks for tuning into my blog, if you read through some of this. I'm pretty much done for the whole year now. So I'm signing off until next year then everybody!
Have a great 2016! Hope you had a great Christmas and enjoy your upcoming New Year's!
Revisiting That Old Church
Thinking about stupid Lee again with her past restraining order that got her nowhere, I'm just starting to just not care how crazy she was. In addition to being stupid, at least she didn't get that very far with whatever she was trying to accomplish with me. She was just going donkey kong mode with me because she was mad that I wouldn't listen to her.
I was just putting up a stubborn act and it was scaring them because they didn't know what I was talking about. It's actually pretty funny now and something that took me a long while to get over even though it wasn't that serious. It is very irritating even though the whole situation turned out to be trivial. In a sense, I feel like it makes stupid Lee look really bad while it gave me something to learn off of as a valuable life lesson.
I was just putting up a stubborn act and it was scaring them because they didn't know what I was talking about. It's actually pretty funny now and something that took me a long while to get over even though it wasn't that serious. It is very irritating even though the whole situation turned out to be trivial. In a sense, I feel like it makes stupid Lee look really bad while it gave me something to learn off of as a valuable life lesson.
Wow
This format of writing isn't really anything special. It's just like a little routine and I don't really expect anything out of it except for it being sort of just practicing on being a more eloquent person. I've been practicing with a personal sense of humor and honestly, it really helps me out a lot. I'm glad that I've been around certain friends and even though a few close friends of mine have been mentally retarded, I guess it's how it is sometimes.
Maybe getting a girlfriend will seriously be the right thing for me. I think going for settling down with her after realizing she's a good person regardless of what she looks like, is going to cut it for me. If she can put up with me and just loves me for who I am, I won't mind working things out with her and being there when she needs me.
Maybe getting a girlfriend will seriously be the right thing for me. I think going for settling down with her after realizing she's a good person regardless of what she looks like, is going to cut it for me. If she can put up with me and just loves me for who I am, I won't mind working things out with her and being there when she needs me.
Things Don't Always Go To Plan
One thing that may help a lot is just hard work and going after doing things that make sense. I guess I'll see if that girlfriend of mine ends up being actually real in the end. I don't really know if I'm going to be in a relationship so far, but I guess I'll find out in the next few days. I think I just need to be patient and also wait for it.
If it's not going to come my way, then I need to go seek for it again then and just keep working at it. I think I will be happy in just doing the right thing to the best of my ability.
If it's not going to come my way, then I need to go seek for it again then and just keep working at it. I think I will be happy in just doing the right thing to the best of my ability.
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
Getting My Priorities Aligned
I guess having a job is wonderful and to be able to make a living for it. It's sort of like a home, but to go home and not have any wife or kids, man life is sort of lame man! To be at the age of 33 and not have anyone, yeah something is wrong.
I'm not really sure what's wrong with me, but now I'm thinking that playing video games or watching TV just might not be my cup of tea now. I'd rather go outside and enjoy life and do something with the family or something like that.
I wouldn't mind making video games for a living though and it would be a pleasure to play video games in the hopes of making them better for a profession. I seriously wouldn't mind doing that. Maybe, I do have a small cold right now so that's why my mind is acting a little sloppy right now.
I'm not really sure what's wrong with me, but now I'm thinking that playing video games or watching TV just might not be my cup of tea now. I'd rather go outside and enjoy life and do something with the family or something like that.
I wouldn't mind making video games for a living though and it would be a pleasure to play video games in the hopes of making them better for a profession. I seriously wouldn't mind doing that. Maybe, I do have a small cold right now so that's why my mind is acting a little sloppy right now.
What I'm Sort of Feeling
I'm feeling like I'm lacking attention right now. I really do enjoy having company with people and having a good conversation. I guess I really do need a significant other than. I might as well keep working on myself for one then. Now I'm starting to think that appearance doesn't really matter so much in a person.
I do really want to look at the person's inner beauty though and what my struggle still is to this day is the thought of settling down with a taller woman who could be a different ethnicity. Could it really work out? If it's all in love, then I guess it really could.
I do really want to look at the person's inner beauty though and what my struggle still is to this day is the thought of settling down with a taller woman who could be a different ethnicity. Could it really work out? If it's all in love, then I guess it really could.
Back To Analyzing Self
Okay, so now I'm thinking to myself that playing card games or going after watching TV and movies won't be much of a life for me now. It feels very nihilistic in a way and I don't really like that. With all this precious time that I have to myself, I'm just letting it pass by indulging on my mindless addictions and wasting a lot of time.
Now that I'm waking up to it, I just have to realize that maybe it's not really all that worthwhile with a few of the things that I'm staying consistent with doing. I'm lacking a lot of time management and just not paying attention enough. It's not good at all for me and I could do better.
Now that I'm waking up to it, I just have to realize that maybe it's not really all that worthwhile with a few of the things that I'm staying consistent with doing. I'm lacking a lot of time management and just not paying attention enough. It's not good at all for me and I could do better.
Not Really Much To Write About
I guess I have a little bit left to catch up for this year and it just seems like I don't really have much to write about anymore. I guess the good thing is that I have something that's been up here for years now. I don't really get any recognition which would be nice, so I guess I'm just not born smart enough or good looking to get that type of kind. Anyway, having too much of it wouldn't probably be a good thing anyway. I'm pretty happy with where I'm at then.
A lot of my thinking right now is that it's just very mellow and not really all that engaging right now. I guess I'm just in existence and not really feeling energy to do much. I think it's just sitting around for me. It's pretty cool though that I've had some buddies come through for me at least just one time. I'll probably never see a lot of them again, but hey, that's just life too.
A lot of my thinking right now is that it's just very mellow and not really all that engaging right now. I guess I'm just in existence and not really feeling energy to do much. I think it's just sitting around for me. It's pretty cool though that I've had some buddies come through for me at least just one time. I'll probably never see a lot of them again, but hey, that's just life too.
Starting To Think For Myself
I'm not really feeling all that great about just sitting around and not doing much for a vacation. I don't really have to work so I feel like things have slowed down for awhile. I'm about getting back into recovery mode again. It's too bad that I don't really have much going for me and I guess it's life.
I just finished reading the Bible and all day I was just going back to my weak and very bad habits again. I'm now thinking to myself what would this amount to and it's not very much now that I think about it. It feels good and that's for sure, but after all of that I've been through, I think there's something more worthwhile to seek after and that's what I'll go after then and just be patient about it.
I just finished reading the Bible and all day I was just going back to my weak and very bad habits again. I'm now thinking to myself what would this amount to and it's not very much now that I think about it. It feels good and that's for sure, but after all of that I've been through, I think there's something more worthwhile to seek after and that's what I'll go after then and just be patient about it.
Monday, December 26, 2016
It Is What It Is
I'm starting to lighten up and just be much happier. I'm no longer feeling paranoid about the cops coming over to arrest me for something that they mistook to be illegal about me. It took quite awhile to understand what was going on with me.
I'm currently typing on my iPhone while waiting in line at a Six Flags theme park. This blogger is a little buggy as well right now.
I'm currently typing on my iPhone while waiting in line at a Six Flags theme park. This blogger is a little buggy as well right now.
Thursday, December 22, 2016
Making Adjustments
I'm back to gaming the Forex market again and even though it's slightly boring for me, at least it's something that can bring me pleasure in making some money without having to really be there to monitor like the job I'm currently in. For a job that I want, I really belong in the IT industry and there's no doubt about it in my mind now.
I'm going to have to stay away from entertainment and leisure for awhile and trade it in for time in becoming a self-starter for a job that I would love to wake up to each morning for making a living. Obviously, I'm going to bored after awhile so that's why I want to be so good at Forex because it will be my ticket to an independent life. I'm willing to work for it and take some calculated risks to turn myself into a moderate expert.
I'm going to have to stay away from entertainment and leisure for awhile and trade it in for time in becoming a self-starter for a job that I would love to wake up to each morning for making a living. Obviously, I'm going to bored after awhile so that's why I want to be so good at Forex because it will be my ticket to an independent life. I'm willing to work for it and take some calculated risks to turn myself into a moderate expert.
Writing Because I Have To
This is pretty much how I feel right now. It's a chore to putting something on this blog for me. Now that I'm sort of smiling a bit. It looks like nobody really cares what I have going for myself.
I'll put down that it might be official in me actually finally having a girlfriend. It's like no big deal for most people I guess, but for me, I haven't really had one for a long time. I say in the fashion of not really to put up a nice point.
I think I had a girlfriend for a few weeks but don't think it counts. The end of my story? I was kissed by a pretty chubby girl too after two dates and she wanted to have a baby already with me. I was like umm, no and not because she's fat. Okay, it was that I was annoyed with how she couldn't do anything with me because of her big and fat weight. She couldn't take a jog with me that easily and she was walking like a cripple. It was totally ticking me off!
It's a story in that I exchanged a kiss with someone other than my family and she's the one who initiated it. I didn't really feel much of a buzz or that excited feeling of love so I guess it's not true love's first kiss for me. I haven't had that going for me. My buddy is so enamored about getting there and he's very anxious about it and uptight and won't even admit to it by arguing that he's a normal person. I don't think he's normal in that area of finding love, if you ask me!
I'll put down that it might be official in me actually finally having a girlfriend. It's like no big deal for most people I guess, but for me, I haven't really had one for a long time. I say in the fashion of not really to put up a nice point.
I think I had a girlfriend for a few weeks but don't think it counts. The end of my story? I was kissed by a pretty chubby girl too after two dates and she wanted to have a baby already with me. I was like umm, no and not because she's fat. Okay, it was that I was annoyed with how she couldn't do anything with me because of her big and fat weight. She couldn't take a jog with me that easily and she was walking like a cripple. It was totally ticking me off!
It's a story in that I exchanged a kiss with someone other than my family and she's the one who initiated it. I didn't really feel much of a buzz or that excited feeling of love so I guess it's not true love's first kiss for me. I haven't had that going for me. My buddy is so enamored about getting there and he's very anxious about it and uptight and won't even admit to it by arguing that he's a normal person. I don't think he's normal in that area of finding love, if you ask me!
Tuesday, December 20, 2016
Fixing Habit
I'm going after an early New Years resolution already. It's pretty much the same drill in that I'm trying to read the Bible, workout, and trade. This time around I'm trying to limit my times of watching TV and playing cards. I don't think it's really that worth it for me.
In the mean time, it will be good for me to do extra Christmas shopping at the last minute for my errands. Time is precious for sure and it's just cool that I'm starting to get by these days. Might as well become a self-starter with the career that I want to involve myself in now no matter how hard it may be for me.
In the mean time, it will be good for me to do extra Christmas shopping at the last minute for my errands. Time is precious for sure and it's just cool that I'm starting to get by these days. Might as well become a self-starter with the career that I want to involve myself in now no matter how hard it may be for me.
Sunday, December 18, 2016
Back To My Bigs
Okay, I'm going to try to limit my attention to watching TV again and playing games and go for something else. The only time I guess I will play games and watch movies is with a friend or a date. If it gets suggested I guess.
On the mean time, I'm going to just deal with my urges to play cards to pass the time and also watch TV by myself. Instead I'll try doing something else now. I'm trying to get myself into making virtual reality games. It would be a lot of fun and very difficult at the same time.
Basically, my big objective is to pretty much read the Bible, work out, and trade. I'm trying to add in cooking healthy as well and to be able to sing and dance pretty well too. I'd love to play the electric guitar and form a band someday too.
The little things that I'm trying to do is to run errands, socialize, and include a girlfriend in my life. I guess those are the things that I want to do now.
On the mean time, I'm going to just deal with my urges to play cards to pass the time and also watch TV by myself. Instead I'll try doing something else now. I'm trying to get myself into making virtual reality games. It would be a lot of fun and very difficult at the same time.
Basically, my big objective is to pretty much read the Bible, work out, and trade. I'm trying to add in cooking healthy as well and to be able to sing and dance pretty well too. I'd love to play the electric guitar and form a band someday too.
The little things that I'm trying to do is to run errands, socialize, and include a girlfriend in my life. I guess those are the things that I want to do now.
Thursday, December 15, 2016
Listing Activities In Order of Preference
Next year, I'm switching back to a day shift. I was the swing shift for the longest time and it had its advantages. I think it's very good if you have a wife and some kids. I don't have those things, so by going back to day shift, I guess I get to spend more time socializing and learning about myself while trying to keep a great relationship with a girl alive. I'm about 60% sure, she's being real with me right now. It does feel good though to communicate with her daily through texts.
The way that my daily life is looking will probably be like this:
wake up and wash up, get some breakfast and nutrients into my system, go to work, drive back home, run errands or start working on something, work out or socialize, shower and do some stuff to make my hair grow, read the Bible, and catch up with working out or doing something.
On the weekends, I'm looking at having a lot more time except not having to work unless I have to do overtime. I'm seriously not really enjoying putting all this time into this career that I'm doing. It's really not for me. I now understand why I have to work hard to get to where I want to be now. I also need to be a self-starter to get somewhere in life now.
It looks like I didn't do enough soul searching and was never really mature to get anything done. With everything that I'm doing now, I'm going to have to make my activities more compact and precise with a good motive.
The way that my daily life is looking will probably be like this:
wake up and wash up, get some breakfast and nutrients into my system, go to work, drive back home, run errands or start working on something, work out or socialize, shower and do some stuff to make my hair grow, read the Bible, and catch up with working out or doing something.
On the weekends, I'm looking at having a lot more time except not having to work unless I have to do overtime. I'm seriously not really enjoying putting all this time into this career that I'm doing. It's really not for me. I now understand why I have to work hard to get to where I want to be now. I also need to be a self-starter to get somewhere in life now.
It looks like I didn't do enough soul searching and was never really mature to get anything done. With everything that I'm doing now, I'm going to have to make my activities more compact and precise with a good motive.
Possibly Taller Girlfriend
Okay I'm listing out the things in priority that I'm doing. I pretty much watched TV again yesterday night before falling asleep like at 3 am. I think I can get away from doing that then. With some time to kill, I've been doing a little bit of house cleaning. It reminds me I need to get back into doing that and go for Christmas shopping.
Fortunately, it's a lot easier from having access to a computer so I can just research and order something on Amazon for the people I want to present a gift with. This year seems pretty interesting because it finally looks like I could be ending up with a girlfriend and she's no ordinary one- a pretty cute and very loving one. If this is like magic that's happening for me now, then this significant other will be taller than me by like three inches! Adding that with heels on, she's going to be so tall. Oh well, let's see if I can work out something with it. She said that she's good with it and it's more about true love. I'm the same way back with her, and I'm not really a jealous type and seeking for positive attention so if I draw some situations with guys trying to hit on her and being jerks then I'll stand my ground. I'll just be protective of her if she's feeling uncomfortable and that's about it I guess.
I'm at a disadvantaged 5' 3". It's better than nothing and some days I wish I was more average in height, but I do look pretty well proportioned which is what some people do notice with me. I stand there sometimes and cry underneath while listening to a person's story because I envy that person's height and the fun life that he or she has lived. It doesn't stay there for me and I think the key to me being happy about my appearance is really just mainly from working out, being successful, and creative while taking on a personal sense of humor.
A recent date with a friend who is not this tall girl I'm talking about is shorter than me by a few inches. When we went out and took a nice photo and then I posted it on Facebook, it attracted the most likes from people I've ever had in my life of having Facebook to begin with! I'm taller than her and people were like asking if we're married. Even her older sister was saying we look cute together. Maybe, I won't have any problems appearance wise if I date and end up marrying a cute and petite Asian girl who is shorter than me.
Fortunately, it's a lot easier from having access to a computer so I can just research and order something on Amazon for the people I want to present a gift with. This year seems pretty interesting because it finally looks like I could be ending up with a girlfriend and she's no ordinary one- a pretty cute and very loving one. If this is like magic that's happening for me now, then this significant other will be taller than me by like three inches! Adding that with heels on, she's going to be so tall. Oh well, let's see if I can work out something with it. She said that she's good with it and it's more about true love. I'm the same way back with her, and I'm not really a jealous type and seeking for positive attention so if I draw some situations with guys trying to hit on her and being jerks then I'll stand my ground. I'll just be protective of her if she's feeling uncomfortable and that's about it I guess.
I'm at a disadvantaged 5' 3". It's better than nothing and some days I wish I was more average in height, but I do look pretty well proportioned which is what some people do notice with me. I stand there sometimes and cry underneath while listening to a person's story because I envy that person's height and the fun life that he or she has lived. It doesn't stay there for me and I think the key to me being happy about my appearance is really just mainly from working out, being successful, and creative while taking on a personal sense of humor.
A recent date with a friend who is not this tall girl I'm talking about is shorter than me by a few inches. When we went out and took a nice photo and then I posted it on Facebook, it attracted the most likes from people I've ever had in my life of having Facebook to begin with! I'm taller than her and people were like asking if we're married. Even her older sister was saying we look cute together. Maybe, I won't have any problems appearance wise if I date and end up marrying a cute and petite Asian girl who is shorter than me.
Putting On Thinking Caps
With the so many activities that I've planned out, honestly because of my job I don't really have time to finish them all in one day. I think I'll just have to settle with doing bits and pieces. I still haven't been able to accomplish this yet.
I'm really going to have to give it a try. One of the things that I shouldn't really be doing is just watching T.V. or surfing the Internet mindlessly. From recalling some fun things in the past, I can also just form a question that I'm really curious about and go after reading some information on it. It's basically about trying to store trivial information. I don't think I can really afford to that now if I really do want to live this full life I have planned for myself.
I might just have to settle with not giving into it now.
I'm really going to have to give it a try. One of the things that I shouldn't really be doing is just watching T.V. or surfing the Internet mindlessly. From recalling some fun things in the past, I can also just form a question that I'm really curious about and go after reading some information on it. It's basically about trying to store trivial information. I don't think I can really afford to that now if I really do want to live this full life I have planned for myself.
I might just have to settle with not giving into it now.
Faltering A Little
Okay, I didn't really get much accomplished today except just watch a whole bunch of YouTube videos that I probably shouldn't have looked at in the first place. I guess I was just going for watching something flashy. After having been awhile from YouTube in that manner, I was sensitive about going back to it. Now that I've been acquainted for almost several hours for today, I can tell that I might even become desensitized to it already!
Okay, I have goals that I want to accomplish and decisions to make in getting there. For me, it's just a matter of getting around to trying to do it and going from there. It's not really that tough as I usually make it out to be.
Okay, I have goals that I want to accomplish and decisions to make in getting there. For me, it's just a matter of getting around to trying to do it and going from there. It's not really that tough as I usually make it out to be.
Tuesday, December 13, 2016
Today
Well, I today made plans on how I was going to socialize during the weekend after working out. I guess that was my personal time that I decided to go into doing that. One of the things that I did yesterday that I could have laid off of was watching T.V. again. I'm relapsing into doing that and I could have tried to keep my mind off of that.
I think the important thing right now is to go find someone to settle down with, work on making a living that I would be happy with, continue to build a relationship with God, and have a healthy lifestyle. These are the things that I'm struggling with and I'm not like panicking so much as I used to. I don't have that much anxiety anymore, and I'm actually pretty approachable even though I know I could be pretty bad. From having that type of fiery personality, I'm being left alone more often.
I guess I'll try to deal with my boring job at the moment. I want out and to move on to something greater now. I'm going to have to be a self-starter because I'm too old to be given a mentor and a fresh start from another huge company that has interest in me. I need to make up for some things to make myself stand out and so that's what I want to go for. I want to be like a shiny star that just appeals and pops out.
I think the important thing right now is to go find someone to settle down with, work on making a living that I would be happy with, continue to build a relationship with God, and have a healthy lifestyle. These are the things that I'm struggling with and I'm not like panicking so much as I used to. I don't have that much anxiety anymore, and I'm actually pretty approachable even though I know I could be pretty bad. From having that type of fiery personality, I'm being left alone more often.
I guess I'll try to deal with my boring job at the moment. I want out and to move on to something greater now. I'm going to have to be a self-starter because I'm too old to be given a mentor and a fresh start from another huge company that has interest in me. I need to make up for some things to make myself stand out and so that's what I want to go for. I want to be like a shiny star that just appeals and pops out.
Reviewing Yesterday
One of the things I lived up to is mainly just working out yesterday and that's pretty much all I made time for. Oh yeah, I also played some guitar too and played a little bit of piano. Okay, now I'm realizing that playing on the piano that's out of tune really sucks so I need to keep at playing some that is in time. I'm going to avoid playing my out of tune piano now and go after sticking to my keyboard. I'm going to have to pay someone to tune my regular piano eventually. It's probably going to cost quite a bit of money to make it work. I guess I'll look around to see if I can get a deal.
Let's see I missed reading the Bible, doing some errands, bowling, indoor rock climbing, dancing, cooking, trading, and working on a virtual reality game. I have so much that I could do and I just don't really have the time to afford doing them because I struggle with making time to do them. I'm a little all over the place. I guess that's normal to begin with.
Starting To Not Feel Mad
After letting my heart out through messages that are not replied back to, I'm starting to not feel that bad anymore. I guess sometimes it's not a bad thing to not reply back to someone. It's just quite possible you could just be busy or going through something where you just want to be left alone.
I remember going through a period where I wanted attention from others and to be spoken to but I just get left alone. It's just one of those times that everybody goes through I guess and to some degree it can be a big thing or not. I don't know how I really got over it, but I guess it just came from developing self-confidence and working at socializing. It's been mainly just having a lot of patience and it's rewarding to wait for a bit and get a response back from an attractive friend or love interest.
I remember going through a period where I wanted attention from others and to be spoken to but I just get left alone. It's just one of those times that everybody goes through I guess and to some degree it can be a big thing or not. I don't know how I really got over it, but I guess it just came from developing self-confidence and working at socializing. It's been mainly just having a lot of patience and it's rewarding to wait for a bit and get a response back from an attractive friend or love interest.
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