What I'm Thinking

It's a little hard for me right now at the thought of trying to be friends with this girl. I basically want her to unblock me on Facebook, and she just doesn't want to and is going to say that I'm bothering her. Regardless, I'm still pursuing after it and not feeling really mad or anything. She's acting really bad about it. I think it's funny because why would you get serious with something like Facebook in the beginning anyway.

It's not that serious and shouldn't really be that much of a burden to begin with. The way that I'm acting isn't really that bad to begin with and the fact that she acted that way means that she's having trouble letting go of something. Anyway, I blocked her on Facebook too with another account and mentioned that to her. I did that so I wouldn't try bothering her.

Being friends on Facebook isn't such a big deal and shouldn't really matter. The fact that she probably can't at the moment would mean that she has issues with letting something not so serious go. It's that she can't really make it out and is making up reasons that has nothing to do with Facebook in general. Basically, she's not thinking straight and is really angry and can't manage it properly. Maybe, I should recommend that she go see a therapist or something. Something small like this could be an indicator that she might have problems with some of her relationships in the future. The fact that she isn't seeing something straight would mean that she isn't really stable with herself or maybe she was just born that way.

Seniority Rocks

Okay I've been inactive for a good eight days. It felt like I haven't been blogging for a long time. I even forgot that I wrote something on here earlier in the month. Yet, what I feel that I posted is like an entertaining masterpiece especially for a journal. It feels so relaxing to read what I wrote after some time passed by.

The things in the past especially if they are emotionally driven by something strong like desire, craziness, or anger are a bit unsettling. I guess that's what makes us all human then. It's the fact that I'm aware and capable of accepting my personal feelings that I can come to a better understanding of life itself.

I guess it's entertaining to talk about my past with how I got in trouble from bothering everybody. I don't really want to talk about my psychological history with just about anyone now. It's a little uncomfortable for me to reveal that while going through puberty, I suffered from manic depression. I was hearing uncontrollable voices that sounded like actual invisible people who were invading my head as well. I could talk with them in my head too and no, I wouldn't vocalize it, I would just think my words and most of the time, I was thinking somewhere along the lines of "Shut up!" or "get out".

The scariest aspect of those voices were then they kept on telling me that I'm only into boys and not girls. I felt like that was turning my world upside down.

Utilizing Time Properly

It really feels like I have this unspoken accountability among my friends. I feel like when people don't keep in check with me and I did something questionably wrong, then I'm sort of getting what I deserve. It's probably not like that in actuality.

I guess the biggest thing I've learned over these years is to just mainly have patience and confidence over the fuss that I'm feeling and going through. I guess sometimes I need like an acquaintance to coach me along. It takes awhile sometimes for me to hit it home.

Lately, I guess it's really about taking proper steps and initiating things and reaching the best circumstances as possible.

Hmm Maybe

Hmm maybe, I'm not really the #1 spot but just sharing it with a few other active bloggers. Their blogs are pretty nice compared to this simplistic version that has nothing to do with Computer Science.

Yet, I have actually been programming something. Oh yeah, I have inspiration to do well and it's cool. I've been finding that meetup.com is a great way to make friends. There are some men I've met on there who seem a little too friendly and curious about me. Whatever that means.

There are also attractive women who show up too and who can't say they don't exist wherever you go with a gathering of people. It's just that the attractive women might already have someone they are dating, so I just need to watch out for that and guard myself from getting hurt this time. I've met one of my friends on there. I actually really like her and got to meet her by chance and we just got off the right foot and it's been so fun, but she's already taken. Those emotions that I felt were long suffering but I'm over it and really still cherish our friendship a lot. I'm pretty much accepting of her and will be supportive with what she desires to do for herself.

Being able to have a chance to mature like this with a genuinely nice person I'm attracted to has been such a blessing! Hopefully an available girl for me will show up someday.

Proper Discipline

Maybe I'm centering my life around trying to just do mainly fun stuff and trying to do so much at once. I guess I want to take command of my life now and do a pretty cool routine.

One of the things I want to fix about myself is to try to not leave out a few small things. I seem to catch myself doing that a lot and it brings me to a little annoyance. I would love to be swift and accurate with all the time I spend. Yet, I'm still forgetful with a few things and that could be a little too time consuming for me.

What I see myself doing to try to fix that is by visualizing what I'm going to be and also picturing to myself that I'm in that moment. I guess that would be cool to try out then and maybe someday I'll catch everything I'm leaving out and not have to rely on a lot of experience to be perfect like that. Maybe I could gain experience already from using my imagination. How cool would that be!

Making Money

Okay, now I'm seeing that I could possibly make money with just playing poker online and trading. I guess with that I'm going to see if I can make a living with making and playing video games I suppose. Maybe I could try to be a pro gamer for just fun and try to get into helping to make a very fun video game with a company. I think that would pretty much be the life for me in terms of making a living.

For personal stuff, I guess I do want to settle with someone nice now. With a current female friend I have, she's turning out to be a great friend! I can't say much than that at the moment. I can't even say I'm in her friend zone. I just know we get along pretty well and it's fun to connect that well with her. I think we just got off the right foot with each other and has been progressing in a positive direction like that. She does mention some of my issues, and I'm just not bothered to improve upon myself. I think her influence will lead me to a happy marriage with someone nice someday.

If I can be like a successful millionaire with lots of free time and let's say that I have time to kill even with a fun wife and some kids, I just might try to pursue knowledge of a medical doctor and also trying to experiment with environmental friendly engineering and farming. Basically, just having knowledge to live a pretty self-reliant life. Oh yeah, I also need to include Jesus in the picture too.

It's All Good in the Hood

I'm just typing something to finish out the month. This is feeling like a boring chore and I almost forgot. Actually, I'm back to trying to trade my money to earn a profit. I've had some decent success with cooking and preparing some tacos and kabobs. It was fun over all.

Okay I guess it looks like I need a girlfriend now. My friend is nice and she was sort of giving me an affectionate stare.

Time Management Goals

I'm realizing that my personal posts from revisiting them has pretty much maintained a style with some swagger. Little does the reader know this, but I was bothered by an incident which isn't so serious at all in the first place. I got two restraining orders placed on me, dang it! "That's no good," people tell me.

There's nothing I can do about the past and what was there is what happened. There are events that I can't undo and feeling bad over it is only going to be wasting my time. Yet, it's not that serious as I thought and no therapist was ever going to lead me to this revelation. I was pretty much functioning as a young man that displayed some swagger and bothering people who wanted to be left alone.

I bothered them by talking about things that make them look bad because it related to us. Obviously with their frustrations, they are going to be like "ARGGHH" and "get out of my face" in a direct manner. From me, not budging and pushing the envelope, they got scared and two people stepped forward with a restraining order.

It's a funny tale to laugh about and I'm still not taking it seriously. I was under a lot of pain because I decided not to challenge the restraining order. The fact that the second person failed to extend the length of time after saying she was going to make it permanent. Also, I put a restraining order on the first one back at him. The first restraining order also said to stay 0 yards away from him and keep it work related. At work we had to work together and I gave the man a hard time. It's part of growing up and learning life lessons. Everybody has a different life and some might even spend their time in jail as a young miscreant. It's all good though because I found out that I'm a scary and annoying guy.

Twitterpated

The word twitterpated comes from the old Disney film Bambi. I've always confused myself with Bambi being a girl's name, but while little Bambi sounds like a girl, he does magically grow up after the first year! Yeah, a lot of animals can reach their reproductive maturity fast in real life.

Anyway, it's a strong word for falling in love and living happily ever with the first suitable girl who feels the same way for you. It's like Bambi's friends reached a state of euphoria after finding their life partners on the spot. Bambi was the last to feel it and the film does a pretty good job of displaying the internal psychology of how he felt. It's actually cute in a way or can be tormenting to some people, if they are going through a lot already. I must have religiously viewed it as a kid to pass the time before my favorite afternoon TV shows because I still can recall photographic images of the movie from my head.

Anyhow, being twitterpated relates to me in that I think the friend I like also likes me. She wants to hang out with me in a group and has been implying it with me where I'm now just feeling it. I accept it in a way and I'm not like out of control about it or anything; I'm actually calm about the possibility right now. One of my main reasons is that she already has a boyfriend, and I want no part in drama related to their mess. Hanging out is cool with a group of friends and it's like so safe because no one would really think much about it in public.

I have so much respect for my friend and the feeling of attraction caught on pretty early. It comes and go, so I'm very comfortable being myself around her and having fun with entertaining each other when we do get the chance to hang. The feeling of liking her doesn't just get up and I feel lucky to associate with her. The fact that I met someone who I actually see as a potential life partner and actually can see on a pretty regular basis or be friends with is in a way like a miracle for me!

I feel like for me to marry someone like her, I'm going to need to continue to have great focus and work on reaching my goals while continuing to improve myself. It's a really healthy feeling that I get from thinking about her that is influencing me to change into a better person. I believe that God comes first in my life, but maybe she just serves as a reminder for me to stay on the straight path.

Don't Think It Matters

Yeah, I have had some run ins with a few idiots that just tick me off. The consequences on my end isn't really so serious, but I'm not quite so sure if it's going to leave the others I bothered in a stable mood. Whatever style I decide to indulge upon, I'm realizing that having experience really does help a lot.

There's an angry leader type person underneath me. I feel like that person has a Napoleon or short-man complex. That's why I try not to bring him out of me; I want him to be contained and personally stay rational about the event and be a winning person from developing and bringing out charisma and a positive attitude.

The ultimate test that I'm going to put myself up to is really visiting these past incidents where I now know that the situation didn't really matter so much to begin with. I guess from knowing that now, I can just let myself go and be funny about it from cracking lots of joke with the person who has been struggling with me.

I think talking in a cool mode while I'm like feeling that surge of agitation from hearing stuff I don't like is a pretty rewarding feeling. I guess I am witty enough to fire back on those who find stuff they don't like about me. Also, I really have nothing to lose these days.

Back To Making Money

It seems like my ideal lifestyle at the moment is to pretty much have a job where I get to make my own schedule. I think meetup.com is a godsend for somebody like me. I like being around people and to actually have a site that allows random people to meet each other and do some fun activity together. It's awesome that such a thing exists for me and to give me a venue to connect with others out there and gain experience with also strengthening the current connections I have going with my own in-crowd.

Nobody is perfect out there, and I surely notice that for myself. What would definitely be nice though is if I did meet that special someone I connected extremely well with. I'm sure they are out there, but it's probably just circumstances that not allowing me in some cases. I'm not giving up hope with it now.

Becoming More Efficient

I think I'm understanding my circumstances a little better. I'm still neglecting my concentration during my personal time because I let my feelings get the best of me when it comes to making selfish decisions with how I'm going to spend it. I have that feeling of how it's going to be boring and long and just don't want to wait it out. It feels very worn out and seems to lack that feeling of excitement for me.

It literally comes and go for me. When I'm feeling that surge of entertainment and I have the right crowd influencing me, then yeah, I can get a lot of stuff done. The problem is that I don't really have too many people as friends who are on the same page as me.

Anger management classes basically teaches one concept and I'm glad a supervisor already told me, he said that if something can't be done about the situation then there's not a good reason to feel mad about it. Sure, being made fun of and taunted is going to get your blood boiling and have you make decisions of unfriending someone and defend it like it's your life. I'm referring to some people who acted that way with me. I really shouldn't stay mad at them for behaving in that way because they tried to end my personal development of becoming a better person.

Boy that's funny with how I came to that conclusion. I guess I'm looking for a good woman to marry now. I don't see myself as the best candidate, so I think that's what is slowing me down. I also believe that the women who are friendly with me already have a goalie (significant other) guarding the net to keep me from scoring! I'm going to just have to be okay with rejection when it feels right to ask out the girl and continuously do the same thing until I get a bite from someone I think is a decent woman and just progress from there.

You know the girl I think is pretty is still good looking, but I'm just not seeing it as a necessary quality for me. I think I dig her lifestyle when she talks about being healthy and going to the gym to workout. That's what I'm trying to do for myself. Beauty comes in variety for me then, so who knows (?) , I need to ask out like 100s of available and attractive women who seem receptive to me and my chances of scoring a date will be that I will have at least one for sure. That is better than nothing. I'll take it!

Trying To Manage Time Better

One of the things I'm noticing is that it's really a lot about commitment. I don't even think about others that much, but people seem to be taking notice of me these days. With the levels of familiarity I have with people, being a short guy, I seem to be just very calm and just genuine. Sometimes, I've been getting the whole "What's wrong type of deal?" from people. They ask me, "What's wrong?" I guess I haven't really said anything and just stay quiet. When I did open up to someone, I just talked and the guy ended up being entertained with me I guess and just laughed.

I'm literally just starting to laugh at my own comments and evoking personal happiness with it. I guess I love trying to make others laugh to in a wonderful way to just entertain them and help make the day go by smoother. I think it just makes sense that some guys would want to be friends with me and be helpful with me. I mean it's family that I'm dealing with and it's the emotional connection that one can just relate to. It's a part of being together. We even talking about what we do in our bathroom business. I just don't like say bad words in general. I won't even write it out because for me, I feel it's inappropriate for me.

It's just become second nature for me and I won't say it and it will be so hard for me to repeat bad words verbatim if someone ever questioned me in court and asked me to say them while acting in a play or something. Actually, I might just say it verbatim if I had to in court and was under oath. I don't think there's really any sinfulness in that underneath the heart, but the likelihood of that is minuscule for me.

I'm a weirdling who happens to believe and tries to follow Jesus. I need to continue to practice self-awareness and go after something in a resourcefully abundant world. There's a lot of things one can do to stay occupied while waiting for the Lord's coming, but I shouldn't spend too much time on wasteful activities that are just plain fun. Not too much to lose track of time and not get anything productive done.

Funny Visitor Metrics

My metrics look like it's flat lining. It seems like a doctor used a defibrillator to try to bring a patient back to life. One day, it just surged like crazy and then the whole world became bored with me. I'm actually like that. I can spark interest one day and then it will die down without growing that much. It will stay steady but in a very small amount. I'm not really talented or anything.

I'm just rustic and also why would I have such a weird title to go along with. I mean it's pretty cool what I have going, but it just doesn't really appeal to the masses or anything. I'm not really trying to suck up to people in general. I guess I just don't really have what people want in general.

I mean I'm just pretty much left alone most of the time and that's just how it is. It's this personal time that I have luxury with and something that I need to figure out for getting where I need to be. Becoming anxious and fearful about things all of a sudden isn't really going to get anything done, but being hard working about trying to be smart with it will!

Oh Hey Hey

I think I have seniority in my Computer Science category with this google-supported blog site. Google is just giving away free online storage for their e-mail and constantly netting in millions of dollars in revenue daily. I don't know how they became such a giant in this world, but yeah it's pretty awesome.

Through practicing self-awareness and adaptability, I can actually see myself getting somewhere. One of my friends has great self-awareness in that he knows he's pretty lazy and even admits it, however, he doesn't really feel bad about it. I on the other hand, when it gets to me, I really get mad at myself and maybe depressed. If I end up doing well, then I feel great!

I'm not making money off of this blog at all. I took out all the ad support. I'm just typing away to an unknown world and it shows my assertiveness in real life because I just plain don't mind typing away about my funny business.

Happy Hours

I'm having my fun and wee moments from watching anime. I'm no longer trying to stay updated with doing what an average, distracted guy would be doing with his hands! I work out at the gym constantly and surrounded with sweaty people. Some of those sweaty people would be considered attractive girls. I'm like I see those all the time and ignore them because I'm working on making myself having an even stronger body.

I do get some looks from girls. I notice that those girls might be feeling for me in a nice manner so I get hugged without getting a pat on the back. My mom pats me on the back all the time these days after she hugs me. I just don't really mind actually and that must be a really good thing indeed because if an attractive friend did that to me, oh man never mind, it's just the little things.

I seem to push myself more around some of my pretty friends so I guess those girls like to give me nice straight-forward hugs and squeezing me. Yeah, I used to be all excited, but now after being at the gym all the time and noticing sweating women who are wearing revealing clothing to stay cool while working out, I seem to just not care to be a distracted, average guy doing something with his hands occasionally.

Leadership Qualities

The ideal leader while recalling from my flawed and slow memory build-up to recall it again- the ideal leader knows how to work it girl! No, just kidding okay it might be true but the technical terms are that - the ideal leader has strong intellect, physical presence, professional competence, strong moral character, and acts as a role model.

I seem to forget about professional competence a lot because I probably don't have any most of the time. Anyhow, the best way to develop into a strong leader is to have self-awareness and adaptability. My buddy is all like even though he's paranoid, he has all the self-awareness he needs, but becoming adaptable is tough! I can feel for my paranoid buddy.

Playing Catch Up

Well this blog has been going on for awhile. I seem to just type stuff on here and then it just turns into some work of random art. Most people are like, "Oh so you maintain a personal journal online" while raising an eyebrow at me. Ever heard of the people's eyebrow?

Anyway, I saw the most recent movie that came out with The Rock in it. The Rock now goes by Dwayne. I guess I'll see him back in WWE someday, if I ever decide to tune in to it again. I remember back in the smackdown era, they paid him $1 million per episode. He was like, "It used to be hard."

Okay, I'm not trying to imply anything here. I don't even know the guy, but he seems like a pretty cool guy to work with. I guess as long as you are a professional and know your stuff, then there should really be nothing to worry about if there's nothing wrong going inside of you.

Plan of Action

I'm playing poker now and also doing Magic the Gathering. These are just leisurely activities to keep myself busy. That's just about it.

Yeah I'm starting to think there really should be no problem with staying relaxed now and just be patient. Whatever path I'm deciding to take, it really should be down a focused path. I might as well start with that goal.

From what I'm understanding now, I think it's just making the best out of a situation and being happy the best one can. It's a lot of effort but I believe that it's really about personal improvement.

Motives

With me being crazy and getting two restraining orders, the main reason for me bothering people in the first place was because I was beating around the bush and trying to give them clues about how I was feeling. I didn't do it right and drove those people crazy to the point that multiple people wanted to put one on me but only two of them stepped forward with doing it.

I think I screamed and shouted once and might have felt good if I was being direct at the person. I'll just leave that point of attack to the side and see it as a very big possibility. Obviously I'm trying to intimidate people into controlling them to just relenting with me and going with whatever because I'm going to be such a jerk with getting what I want.

 My heart is about being filled with drunken stupor to the point of making animalistic threats that are so obvious but it is about annoying people. I'm very conflict adverse and would rather not have anything to do with it but my strong personality is very stubborn and from being a wild man I'm constantly putting up with fights I can't get out of. Even though I hate it, I'll make the most of those conflicts this time while continuing to improve my psyche and being a better person by learning from my mistakes and trying to move on. It really sucks to be conflict adverse and then be passive aggressive. The mode of feeling doesn't get anything done right.

I'll have to just be patient and understanding even though my feelings are going ballistic and inform the person if I find something that could be a problem in the long run and talk about how crazy I am. After that it's working at making myself a better person no matter where I end up and what I've done. I will keep my life committed to Christ.

I'm actually lucky to have met a person who really helps to build my patience. She's really nice!

Getting What's Going On

I'm aiming for trying to make the reader think it would be cool if my proposals happened. Just attempting to become relatable in that fashion.

I try to be nice so I've been practicing chivalry when people bring up topics I don't want to be a part of. I'm not that good at it and been having trouble opening up to them, so I don't take it seriously when I go on my own rampage of talking about stuff they don't want to hear about. Especially things from the past that could be really embarrassing for them if it got out of hand.

I haven't been happy dealing with my own anger and emotional problems. I'm feeling angry while running it through my head and it can be distracting. I have to make an effort to block it out so I can be productive at my job. Even though it's uncomfortable, I think this is a good thing from my part.

I'm not going to let myself fret anymore over people giving me advice that goes against my vision. I might as well just ignore it or just pay attention a little better over the possible conflict that could arise and be straight forward about it with a person. My past is that I have two restraining orders from bothering people in the past.  I might as well let the person know this crazy side of me before the conflict gets out of hand.

I've been afraid to face my conflicts head-on. I would rather avoid so it's still unfinished business that I'm putting off to the side at the moment. One of these days, I'm going to go back to the church that has the woman who put a restraining order on me.

This time I'm going to say something like if you act too crazy with me in the next five seconds I'm never going to approach you again. You would be the reason that I'm not really friends with anyone
and very agitated to the point that I would make your life miserable. It's all because what you said never happened and you tried to extend the RO but couldn't.

If she doesn't act crazy with me, I'm calling her an idiot and that I'm placing a restraining order on her as well as she is a worthless person to me if she decides to put another one. I'm also not going to show up to the hearing and throw away the piece of paper and look forward to seeing her on her next hearing of trying to extend it. It would be me seeing her one too many times and she would be compromising because seeing me once more would be too many times already.

I'm going to finish up the dirty work that feels unresolved someday but I'll settle for never seeing her again if she just leaves that church when I do show up. I hope she's not there and moved on to another church.

From now on, I'm paying attention a little more with people I feel are being rude to me and informing them about how I bothered people to the point that I got a restraining order from them. I'm letting them know that I won't bother to show up to the hearing but I'm going to file one on them if they do. I put a restraining order on the first person and it went through. The second one I didn't on the girl because she's a girl and I'm a man. This time I'm ready to treat the matter equally this time but the only time I'm moving into action is if they put the restraining order on me first.

I may end up having like 10 more restraining orders from people who are not the best fit for me but I'm prepared to be stained with that image because those 10 people are getting a restraining order from me as well and it's only if they initiate it first with me. Everybody should have a first time with something.

Other than that I'm just kicking back and trying to be friends with everyone.

Putting It Off to the Side

I still have yet to obtain my goals before I strive for the icing on the cake! I may not even have everybody there when I'm ready but that's fine. I'm okay with working with ones who are still there and pertain to me. It would be even better if I don't find anyone I'm looking for so I could just get on with my interesting life. I guess there's no need to stress it and just go for playing natural then by just being ordinary in this weird circumstance. I want to seriously try to be better than I can be.

Leading Up to the Moment

I'm not a huge fan of people blowing up with me so I would prefer people not doing that to me if I had a choice. However, I'm not going to let that get to me as it used to. I'm more desensitized to it actually.

By letting my mind be constantly thinking and in that moment of tension I have with anyone, I'm not going to let myself feel any regrets over it this time. I'm also going to look at outsmarting the individual. I'm just going to work really hard and give my best effort while being aware of all my surroundings and putting everything to my favor. If it ends up with me being in a shouting match with someone then so be it. I'm going to play in respect to making the person look unappealing and going for my side will be bomb and that some who go to there's will be in a bad situation but if they change or go neutral then I will comfort them. This is only for the people who I don't really count as a good friend.

Getting Rid of Negativity

Well for the first part, I see some of my past situations as just freak accidents now. It's nothing really bad really to the point where I have to hide everything. I think it's just better that I don't really bring it up with people about my past. I'm now a lot more comfortable with accepting everything and moving on. Also, I don't see anything wrong with revisiting some disgruntled people and persuading them to put aside their differences with me now.

Replanning Things

Thinking about how life is right now, it just might take a lot of discipline and rational amount of patience to get to where I want to be. I'm just not really going to worry about the whole fiasco I was involved with. It's funny in that while I was mad I was venting and subtly making fun of the other person. I guess I'm afraid to admit it but my intention was to tick off the other person and have fun torturing them in that manner.

If they hadn't acted or said something in a specific way then I wouldn't have made them feel a strong grudge against me. I don't feel like yelling nor feeling steamy about the situation anymore. I don't even want to be scared about it. I'm not really going to rehearse anything but I'm ready to continuously point out everything I see wrong in a direct manner now.

I'm going to be chill about it too and just free flow this time. The tension that I'm feeling is something I'm going to have to just man up against and use to drive me to a more successful state of mind. I'm not going to be in any hurry but I'm going to let out everything I see this time around and take advantage of the situation.

Planning for the Struggle

I'm realizing in my head that some irritating things will stay maddening but by obtaining knowledge, it can be used as a tool with proper planning to execute whatever is desired. It's definitely going to be a battle of wits and maintaining my cool. The moment I lose it and put in the full effort by activating my Napoleon complex, I'm not anybody special anymore. I just become an ordinary person who just happens to be smart and with my intentions revealed of wanting to outdo the other. 

I'm so concerned it's going to wear me down and bring me disappointment. What is the best course of action of making myself happy while not being that bad of a person? Maybe if I blow up in person and then keep apologizing. The fact that I'm aware of myself isn't going to lead this anymore. 

Hmm. 

No One Is Perfect

Doing a little bit of reading, I've picked up on some human wisdom. When it comes down to a man and woman falling in love, it really does in a traditional sense start with friendship. If the friendship picks up into something more attractive or meaningful, then that's where it could lead into dating. Some could move quick or other times it might take awhile, as a short man, I've experienced both of those things. I haven't been so outward about it in the past because of my lack of confidence but now, I don't really mind.

I'm pretty fair-minded about the thought of marrying the right person. I want her to wholesomely believe I'm the best partner for her. I would like to just mainly have the desire with an attractive and good person I guess and the right personality for me.

It really then comes down to like fishing or asking around people while working on improving the self. It's pretty hard and takes effort but meeting the best person from working hard and being patient seems to be the best path to go with a rewarding result in the end.

It's too bad I'm starting out a little late with all of this mature development but there are still some attractive and quite possibly potential women out there.

Seemingly Appropriate

It's fun sending a cute female friend some cute messages. I'm starting to have some fun with it. In a way, it keeps my frustration level down and helps me stay more level-headed. It's better preparation for my ultimate test I feel is destined for me at a very high level. It's like my calling that I'm looking forward to.

One of these days, that's going to happen. I'm not going to go make myself all spaz out or anything.

Playing Catch Up

I do have a weird habit of neglecting my own blog for awhile and then coming back to it. By actually not allowing anyone to comment here and just continually counting visitors, I feel like I'm the master of this terrain. It just takes one post for people to blow up all over me! I just know now how the ordinary mind works. It's selfish, inconsiderate, and stupid.

People's agendas are always going to be meet with some trial or difficulty for most people. Even if people have it so easy, in some cases possibly the mind will feel empty from not having fulfillment. Talking about how others have self-interests while I reveal I have my own is interesting in itself. Well then, from having a cool and relaxed mind and willingness to stay positive is definitely the driving force behind the agitated feelings and anger that I'm always tempted to let out! I'm a rich and successful guy at heart.

Just Like Texting

Okay I found myself in a spot where I have a lot of down time which isn't good in general because life sucks being bored. So I'm just typing away on my iPhone because this is the only form of Internet I have at the moment. This reminds me, I should be reading the Bible soon. My time management feels a little out of whack.

Honestly right now I feel so good about going out and meeting new people and just being friends with people. I'm assuming the good looking and nice girls are already taken so I'm going to just take it easy then. I guess I'm going after an attractive lady I desire to marry but she has to feel the same way about me and think of me as her best choice.

I'm just a short guy who has a pretty decent work ethic a little above average. I'm just going to continue to improve upon myself and eventually master the finishing touches. By playing it cool and trying to be smart, it shouldn't be a problem.

Work Smarter Not Harder

I guess visualizing the situation and going after making things convenient for you is what will really help you get more money out of life. I remember watching Duck Tales and it's a pretty cheesy example but the old duck Uncle Scrooge in that show talked about his life story of earning millions. He just worked smarter not harder.

What my grandpa did to earn a fairly comfortable living in the past was farm on a land and then save up the money to buy more land and produce more crops for earning a living. It seems to make sense and a pretty humble way to make a living. He ended up telling every young kid in the family to grow up to be a doctor. No one in my family line took that path. It's not that easy as it seems.

I myself am stating to feel crazy about learning medical practice. The sight of blood doesn't scare me but the thought of saving a person's life would be an exciting business to me.

Keeping In Perspective

I guess what I'm learning is that I was pretty dumb in the past even though I thought I was smart. Maybe I'm actually just slow to learn and full of errors because I'm absent-minded and can feel a little jittery or uptight for no reason. I then have this innate desire to perform at the highest level and impress my peers by getting favors done in a swift manner. What ticked me off in the past was that I ended up feeling under-valued when a few of my peers who were acting in a supervising position sounded condescending with me.

Now I know what triggered my upsetting behavior with them but they still really had no reason to be irritated with me as well. It really doesn't make sense but I guess you won't know unless it happens to you.

Well, This Is Fun

I actually have a hang out buddy with a girl who other guys might find hot! I'm sort of passed that stage of seeing her that way now and like her company now. I don't have too many female friends that I've gone around places with and got to know, but definitely I'm sticking around with this one I've known a little under a year. It's really fun to do stuff with her!

She's introducing me to women who are already taken, but eventually I might come across to meeting one of her really attractive friends and maybe she'll also dig me from being single. This is funny to write about. Patience is a virtue and I'm developing plenty from hanging with this friendly female. She's really nice and maybe, I'll date someone with similar personality like her someday.

On a secondary account of having fun, I'm not quite so irritated about situations that people try to fault me for now. The past situation with that girl who put a restraining order on me is so much of a headache! Thinking about trying to be friends with her feels very unattainable at the moment. The good thing now is that I don't feel so irritated as I used to and stopped making fun of her to really tick her off some more. I was contacting her through messages of Facebook after she failed to extend the restraining order at court.

I sent her about two messages that made fun of her while I was feeling very annoyed, before she blocked my profile. The fact that she couldn't get me arrested brings me some satisfaction. I feel greedy about getting her to unblock me and then add me as a friend. I want to announce on Facebook once I have her as a friend that we ended up becoming friends and burying the hatchet much to her embarrassment.

Happy 4th

I can't show my avatar using an app called BitMoji on here. I find it to be quite cute and can add some humor to my text messages. It's really easy to send but does take a little time to set it up.

I think the best things are meant to take awhile sometimes. Along with having a patient and diligent attitude, I guess overall it just takes time and giving it your best.

Keeping It Simple

Man, I have a lot that I need to accomplish. Anyhow, I'm feeling depressed while I'm talking sometimes and planning stuff with people. Yet, it passes away. I think feelings are really unreliable to begin with and even though I may be suffering underneath, it's great to have something to look forward to anyway. It helps to work on yourself and to let those feelings that are rotting underneath to stabilize.

Okay, with my friend that I like I think I'm going to continue just being friends with her. I actually enjoy that friendship with her. It's nice having that feeling of validation and acknowledgement. That's all I'm really looking for from her. I don't really need to be dating her or anything to receive that type of high. I guess I'm good where it lies now. At first, my feelings were just messing with me and I thought I was falling in love with her or something, but all of that goes away eventually. It just comes down to being if the person is really right for you or not.

Overall, she's pretty good as a friend, and I acknowledge her. I'm still learning to be better with interacting with a girl at a personal level. I'm definitely not shy with attractive-looking women anymore. I guess it helps to work out with scantily clad women. I just don't see women in that way anymore with how they dress. I personally don't care. I'd rather focus on the bigger picture, which is love and finding the right person. I really like the idea of being friends with her. I think she's turning out to be very good for making me a better person and with that experience I'm going to try to find someone a little more hotter and compatible than her. She also needs to be a Christian in my book, as well, so I'll be lying in wait and maybe it will happen someday while I continue to work on myself.

A lot of good people are already taken and will be in the future. I'll just have to let timing play a role then and roll with the punches. I'd rather not give up and that's about it.

Proposing This Stunt

I guess I have a lot that I need to work on still with myself. Timing is of the essence. Learning to have a great deal of patience and also being positive while trying to put in a great deal of hard work, it's been a long journey trying to get there. I'm slowly progressing into that.

I naturally have a to-do list that I don't follow at all. Right now, I'm letting this blog post be my own personal distraction from the pains of living right now. I'm actually embracing it as of this moment and okay with just filling my head with continual positivity.

One thing that's been in my head is that I'm thinking about how I could make that girl with former civil restraining order on me to be my friend. It's really hard at the thought of trying to be her friend. I'm irritated as heck about the whole incident! She didn't want me to be friends with some girls that she knows and so that's why she did that.

I think she did express liking me before all of that naughty development and I was like what the heck at the beginning because I see myself as too short to be dating anybody. Now, I think being good friends with taller girls isn't really a problem.

I see having her as a Facebook friend and hangout buddy as more of a comic relief for me. It's valuable in that if I were to put in monetary value, it would be worth than $10,000 to me. Yeah, I would give up that amount just to hang out with her and comment on her Facebook profile. There's definitely monetary value here and also it contributes to getting work done from lower levels of paranoid feelings and wasteful thoughts of being resentful with a person. I'm soliciting for her being my employee of the job title, friend. There's a lot of business things that I could literally relate this without going off-topic.

Trying To Kick Off With A Bang

Okay, I thought maybe I could fill in a lonely void from being bored by trying to chat with people online.  All I was really doing was saying stuff to make myself laugh. I was making some of the people I chatted with laugh too with remarks like LOL and totally laughing my butt off remarks. Some random guy messaged me to shut the heck up after I was chatting with some ladies on a chatroom. Every remark I was sending was just to make myself laugh and that's what I really was doing.

I think with the whole Facebook thing, maybe one of the reasons why I was losing a friend or two is because I'm adding people I don't really recognize or know. If I were to add someone who I'm pretty familiar with, then maybe that's what keeps my friend count from going away. Actually with the stuff I'm posting, I'm not really trying to be annoying or anything. I just realize that some of those photos have this raw energy that's just very positive. I think positivity will retain people on Facebook, along with continuing to add people who I have a great level of familiarity with.

Starting To Seriously Chill~~~

I like the title in that I put chill ~~~. I'm trying to say it with emphasis and longer Californian tone. Okay, so I'm not doing any copy and pasting for the art of trying to make money off of dumb web surfers who don't know any better. I'm seriously just posting my own original thoughts here and it's being appreciated by some passerbys. I never met them and probably never will. Maybe they came on this incredibly small-time blog site by accident looking for something that I can't afford to give them.

I don't even know what the average attention span is for a stranger who popped into this blog. I for sure spend quite a great deal of here. I'm the one that's typing all of this text, so yeah, it takes some substantial amount of effort!

Honestly, the reason why I made the title and decided to post some random funny details on it is because I was thinking about making fun of people from my past. They are all flipping out a great deal and calling me psycho and all of that fun stuff to make me laugh until the rooster crows next morning. Yeah, they don't even want to talk about it when I ask them. It's because it's bad on them and they can't handle me making fun of them. They have weak minds and can't let go of the past too well. That's why they are telling me that I can't let go of the past because they are so mindful about themselves and they can't do it themselves. It's logical because they don't want to talk about from me having made fun of them and given them a hard time. Why wouldn't they want to not talk about something that didn't bring them pleasure?

It's basically an embarrassing thing that went for them and something they are afraid I'll capitalize on if I end up noticing where their faults are. They end up trying to place blame on me. It's because they are totally aware and just going that route. If I play to win in the most insane and unfair manner, they lose. I guess I can just keep on giving them the "I'm better than you" speech and also the "I'm nicer than you so I can be your friend while you struggle" speech continuously and laugh about it. I can raise my voice to let everybody else hear what I'm talking about and to just annoy them while I'm embarrassing this idiot who blocked me on Facebook because I was irritated with that person and sent them message to make fun of them.

Okay, I'm praying for that person to lose big time now. I'm also praying that the person will love me, as I want to love him or her as a friend. I'm totally a gamer in this area and what makes me win is having that pumped up feeling of how I'm a winner and I'm just going to keep on going with that positive spirit to the finish line and drag that person with me. The person is going to be right behind me because I'm taking first place!

Managing Time Better

What I find myself doing a lot is that I end up sort of regretting letting something get out of my mind because it later comes back to me. This happens to me quite often. I guess I have so many things going on in my head that I end up overwhelming myself a little.

The only thing that I have been pretty consistent with is trying to get to work everyday and working at every other day. Every other activity after that has been so inconsistent. I think I hide my agenda and motives to my own self and just try to go back to rewarding habits which isn't really related to money at all. I don't think I really value money that much, but I would like to have plenty of it so I could have all this time to just mess around with doing fun activities with people. I'll even hang with people I hardly know.

I do feel that discomfort with some people and I believe that it's going to take some time for me to get used to it in some cases. However, I seem to be a pretty forgiving lad.

Trying To Be More Consistent

I guess it really comes down to the bottom line of consistency and controlling my feelings and cravings of wanting to just have fun and let time go loose. Time is money! Once the time is gone, it's not coming back.

I think the worn out feelings underneath probably just mean that I need to continue to persist and let myself aspire with the alotted time I decide to go with. I'm starting to just not really think about it as much anymore and to be able letting myself face better situations.

Going After Smarter Activities

I guess there's really no point now in spending time with some wasteful activities. There might not be anything wrong with it in some instances, but I'm finding out that I don't really have any time to afford in dealing with that mess now.

I think it's about time that I grew up and went after facing my own responsibilities and living in the most optimal manner that I could think of. With the Lord being a blessing to my life and also having made a likable and respectable friend by what just feels like chance, the options to chase after feel a lot more optimistic.

I should really be spending my time exhausting my optimal choices before going after having fun!

Planning Out Activity

It looks like I'm starting to hate my room being so messy! I just can't focus like that anymore. I need to have it cleaned and organized if I'm going to run a personal business of some sort. I think I can categorize my life into three separate piles and basically my personal overwhelms all the others, without a surprise there.

I have work in a category all by itself. My other one I'm listing is errands which are basically temporary activities that I like to put off the side, but once they are done, I don't have to worry about them anymore.

I have a running list of like 12 errands to do, compared to just one for my work category. My personal list, let's just not even go there.

Solution To Dealing With Idiots

I have a very Christian approach to all that madness when it comes to dealing with crazy people who you are just constantly reminded of. It's to pretty much pray everything about it to God and ask for a solution. If the person thinks it's too silly to pray about or something that God wouldn't even be mindful about, then the person is already wasting his or her time thinking about it. The person is just practically being retarded about letting it go!

On top praying for people you supposedly hate, you can't really ask for vengeance upon them or something bad to happen to them while praying about that to God. You need to just have patience and be loving towards them in your thoughts while praying about it. This is the spirit of Jesus that Christians should call upon before making their requests known. It's to have a forgiving attitude and to pray in an exceeding manner while being joyful and thankful for that person who has been irritating you!

So yeah, the people at the small church with attendance that would be at an all-time low and much less than the average amount of friends on Facebook, the ones who have been talking to me in a frustrated manner and made the decision to block me on Facebook as well because of my messages that made fun of them while I was irritated, those people haven't prayed enough to Jesus! I'll be happy to remind that to them someday. I'm going to be a spiritual and physical leader then and it's just part of my natural ability- not even going to force it upon myself to get the magic going.

For the longest time, I felt being a shorty was going to be a hindrance but I guess it isn't if you still have the ability and brains to compete against other tall and handsome guys in the world. I'm saying that I might end up with a gorgeous and compatible Christian wife that guys might really hate me for and start making fun of me while trying to tempt her maybe. I've made some development in not letting my anger get to me and just being patient with a friend that I like, so I'm glad that I met her and we can seriously be good texting/meet up buddies at least.

Nothing Wrong With It

I don't think there's anything wrong with playing Magic: the Gathering and enjoying it with other people for socializing or to see whose deck ends up being better. It's sort of like measuring each other up like whose muscles are bigger or who can make the better 3-point shots in basketball.

I guess the problem is to just find balance with it all. I think when someday I do manage to get the pretty girlfriend and then wife every guy is going to hate me for, I'm not really going to be able to afford having all this personal time. What I believe that I need to train myself in is really making the necessities of life a bigger priority than personal entertainment.

With the personal entertainment, I think I'm making that overlap so much over what I ought to be doing or thinking. For fun, I do enjoy playing and building decks for Magic: the Gathering. I also enjoy watching professional sports games like European soccer and MLB. It's great to watch very good international players compete against each other and to even marvel in their reactions. I also have fun watching anime as well.

Overall, it's not really a bad thing to like those things. I also like surfing the web as well and can get really caught up with playing a fun video game too. I think that's really the keyword for me in that it's about me being caught up with everything fun that I'm doing.

Some of the healthy endeavors that I find myself getting lost in the moment from having fun also include singing and playing the piano and also working out. I really think becoming the leader of creating video games the best I can while developing an all-around knowledge will be a very healthy activity for me. I also have an interest in fitness science and general practitioner's method of medical health. On top of all of that, I would really like delve myself into cooking as well. It's awesome that I have a nice friend whose really busy with stuff telling me about her concerns. I don't care if she has me on her friend zone because that's where I put her at the moment and she's also taken already, so no need to start sweating about a possible future with her.

Things I Need To Work On

With my precious hours right after I finish working out, I really could be using that time to study the Bible. I still have a habit of letting my mouth run off to myself in a bad way. I'm trying to fix that by praying to Jesus this time around. I'm now praying for the people that I feel angered about occasionally from the past. It's been hard letting it go and it comes up every once in awhile just to annoy me while thinking about the what could have been's. Oh well, what's lost is gone and not coming back. It's better to just move on and set sights on something positive and what could be done in the present to make the best out of life for yourself.

Indulging In Too Much

Okay, so I guess I'm going to play catch up then with reading the Bible, working out, and probably programming on my computer to get those trades that I want going.

I have been playing so much Magic: the Gathering. It's been such a pleasure playing against other people. I don't really care about winning or losing so much anymore with it now. Maybe, I'm putting my ambitions on it a little too highly and so I need to let that go and focus on other personal priorities that I have mind in accomplishing.

Once again if I sacrifice this leisure along with putting in a decent amount of effort while staying positive then maybe I'll be running with some consistency. I think for the most part being patient and sticking to Bible principles really help, even if one wouldn't care to believe in God, I still think reading and understanding the Bible should be essential to living a nice and happy life.

Back To Trading Mode

Okay looks like it's for me to start trading now and seeing if I could make a decent living off of it. I'm ready to write another program to assist in my trading and that's pretty much what I'm endeavoring before I go ahead and trade.

On top of that, I'm just starting to read the Bible and understand things better because I'm reading up on some commentaries. I think I'll just pray for the Holy Spirit to guide me in that sense then and just labor in the ways of the Lord while being mindful that one day, I might end up with a smoking hot Christian and compatible wife!

Okay I need to do that along with working out so I'll go after that then. I think I'm seriously going to just bowl for fun along with working out at the gym and playing guitar and piano. I will also try singing and dancing to some tunes, while also trying to create some of my own. I also should get that going in trying to grow taller and keep my patch of hair.

That's pretty much the main stuff that's going through my head.

Minimizing Activities

I think instead of just relaxing and watching sports games. I should really commit myself to doing more physical activities and eating a whole heck of a lot better. On top of that, I could also focus on my chores and finish personal maintenance with what I have in mind of accomplishing.

I'm really going to get that done with reading the Bible, going for an athletic body, and becoming a millionaire. Might as well add to that a beautiful and compatible Christian wife who is better than the girl I like right now. It's only because she's taken and I have her only as a good friend. I feel that joy of friendship though and it's nice to do fun things together. Friend zoning her is not really a bad thing at all for me and might even come in handy by keeping her around as a comrade.

Six Pack Season

I'm leaning out and forming a six pack for reals! I'll post it once I have a real six pack that shows some nice definition. I'm still looking for muscle growth so that's what I need to work on.

I haven't really been paying attention to the stuff that I should be doing. I'm just letting my mind wander off still. I think I really need to just motivate myself consistently. Maybe, I could settle down with a beautiful millionaire who happens to be Christian as well. Why not, go for the high life and laugh it off for the rest of my life in shame from a girl beating me in income level!

I'm really thinking about this strategy now of meeting girls. With the girls I'm attracted to and who are already taken, I should just friend zone them and continue looking for more beautiful girls than they are. Hey, it works and why not? Might as well keep upgrading, until I find someone who is single and beautiful and really ready to settle down with me.

Some Guy's Blog Is Better

I don't know but that guy has some interesting news on his site. He just posted news about a lady running over his HIV positive boyfriend. That's a pretty disheartening situation, in that she's in prison now because of it!

Here's an even more interesting news from back then. The former NBA player Magic Johnson repetitively said that he contracted HIV from trying to help a HIV positive boy off the ground at the Boys N' Girls Club. The boy was bleeding and the blood pretty much smeared all over Magic's hand that had a cut. Well, Magic is alive and well still so I guess.

So the current guy who is number 1 on the search for Computer Science is posting news and is just consistently posting stuff. I don't know if we're going to have a posting war. Well, at least it will keep people on their toes and the competition will become stiffer.

Let's just post away then with original magic on these blog posts! Join us, but only if you dare.

Falling In Rank

Okay, it looks like there's some other people who have caught up to the top. I'm now rank #5. Oh well, I'll stick to my moniker of being Rank #1.

This blog is getting really cheesy. Well, I have definitely developed a style of talking that makes some Asian girls laugh. That's pretty much all I've really been noticing with myself. The Asian girls laugh with the exception of my sister and another girl who sees me as a brother. Maybe my mom doesn't really laugh either with the things I say.

I wonder when I have a wife, if she'll continue to laugh at the things I say or she'll act like my sister and mom.

Ahh Feels Better

Okay, now that I'm more off the radar by disassociating this blog with my social media network, I feel more at ease to communicate whatever the heck I feel like now. I guess I might be too late for some people because they already know who I am.

I have a feeling though that whoever has sort of ill intentions with me will probably not be coming back to this site again because they are going to hate my success or any form of humor I put in here. I think it's because they are going to feel bad about continuing further with reading this blog. Along with that, I don't see them as taking it seriously with me any more in staying mad with me.

Not Really So Discouraged

I used to feel really discouraged while I was going after something I believed in doing. I think I was missing a few personal components and lacked enough patience. I was going in bare-blinded and very emotionally ticked off. With time having passed by, I'm just glad I put in the effort to once again state that happily I'm not in trouble.

To be able to have an idea of what people's motives are now and be accepting of them while having a happy mindset, it's been an intuitive gift that I like to sort of pride myself over with people. Whether I'm right or wrong, it doesn't seem to be uninviting of my friends though. Of course, when I'm being critical, people are going to go on the defensive so I would have to justify my claims better. Later on though, with me meaning for a better cause or clearer way of living while being peaceful with each other, I can see that the things I discern and communicate about people from just feeling it and considering what I observed, it doesn't really get rejected and is really based on an honest opinion with really no agenda in mind.

Becoming More Slick

Yeah, I think it would be awesome to have the nickname of Mr. Slick. It's going to be a lot of work under the scenes, but I think the state of being when approaching it will be so cool!

I guess that's where I want to be headed now. It's being slick while being openly relaxed about everything and having a really good work ethic. I'm really positive about the work I put in because the struggle is something that I'm used to putting myself under. I'm not really stressing out over making myself go through more hard work. It's just going to be a lot of personal effort I guess, but over all, it's just joyful to have friends and feel absolutely free and relaxed to be yourself, while still accepted and liked.

Maybe I'll be dating my friend who I'm just so fond of someday. For now, I really have some more things I need to work on with myself. I guess I'll be doing that until it's just the right moment where I'm supposed to dive into this whole marriage thing. I'm just taking my time really and a year hasn't even passed with this person. It feels really nice and cool to associate with. I think the foundations are there from my end at least to stay friends with her for a very long time and enjoy having company while being around her.

Hard Work Attitude

One of the things that I really need to understand for myself is that I have a lot of potential. It's just that I let my mind wander off with lack of discipline. It's like how I just feel constantly bored and have to do something meaningless and that just boosts my ego to keep on living. It's pretty much my hobbies that I'm letting myself stay lingering in.

I guess I feel guilty about indulging so much in my hobbies because I end up feeling bad for neglecting other areas of my life for maintenance. I want to spend my time and do something that's just purposeful and driven to high standards with excellence. It's hard enough that I have a close friend who I spend time with who just struggles in live and gives in to his defeat while hardening his personal soul and relenting about how he isn't fully happy with everything. He's practically stuck and did all he could already in life. He still goes after it when he feels a surge of fortune.

I don't want to live by how lucky I feel in life. I want to live by actual proven work and results! I would like to stick to that formula while considering my strengths and weaknesses. Overall, I'm feeling really happy and good with where I'm leading myself. I just need to continually put up the effort and even though I'm slowing down, I'm feeling good about picking myself back up and putting in the effort again.

Blessed To Be A Part Of Life

I guess a lot of the inside things that I'm talking about is something that only I would personally know. I think having a blog and treating it like a journal and with the possibility that people I wouldn't want to see it, makes writing on this blog so daring!

It's that excitement of trying to go somewhere and even though I was faltering through lack of personal discretion, I'm definitely glad that gaining some valuable friendships have shaped me into a better person than I am today. It's probably just one friendship that has made the difference for me in seeing how other friends come into play for me. I'm feeling so much more stability. Could this relationship really be a spiritual blessing intended by God?

Maybe my reward lies in having labored to be a patient individual and from having a friend I actually cherish, I've been willing to put up with all of it. Maybe it's unconditional love that I'm developing or something but it's been a powerful influence for me and a mighty factor in leading me to a more suitable living.

Letting It Ride

I think I've learned so much over these days that I'm now learning how to approach something in a cool and unoffended manner. I have been tempted while playing out the situation in my head to constantly yell at the person who I'm just ticked off at for just being annoying with me when I'm trying to settle something from the past with them.

I'm not really so angry about it anymore because I did my part to not cripple my living conditions. I still put in the effort to live a good life and maintain self-discipline and self-control to still try to be courteous with those individuals. It pays off on the long run to really be patient and even though my emotions were running and making me feel so hot-headed; by not giving into them, I've had the most success with people even though I'm sure the devil would want to tempt me into saying that isn't so.

Taking the long and hard route has been a journey that I don't think many see fit for themselves to take. It's the narrow road that takes sacrifices and gaining wisdom through experience to understand where life is leading you!

Falling Back Into Place

I'm slipping up in small areas which is pretty much my time management. I need to put my time management back into gear. Fortunately, I'm living a single man's life so that's good. It's also nice that I've developed friendship with someone who I actually admire and would love to spend my days with. I guess I just love this whole giving them space type of deal as I continue to develop on my own.

I don't want to live with any regrets, so I need to work at putting myself back into the mode of living right again. That energy I've been living off, I want to turn it back on and go consistent and steady mode again. I'm just living with mainly one thing that attributes to my positive effort- patience.

Pretty Much What I'm Doing

I'm pretty much just letting my mind go to sleep and do repetitive activities to spend my time. I just let myself forget about the time I'm doing. It's like I've created a job for myself but not making any money out of it. I don't really think anyone who is depending on me would really like this quality about me. I need to shape up and put myself back into gear. I think confidence and positive attitude with hard work going across my mind while giving myself this hopeful expectation that I will develop better is what I'm going to have to do.

Playing Catch Up

I have like a ton of errands to run, so I'm going to go at that then. I'm having a lot of fun with working out and feeling lots of more energy these days. There's so many things that I could do and yet I'm just forgetful about it.

I'm letting my mind run wild again. I need to let myself get disciplined again. Even though I like the idea of putting myself into one place, I think it's good for me that I develop a healthy and productive routine. One that will make me feel after the day is over that I'm getting somewhere with my life.

It's difficult because I'm letting myself fall into personal traps of entertainment and desire. I'm spending time by myself as a loner when I think God could make me useful by allowing myself to be out there with more people. I need to push myself and let myself take better reminders. It's just timing I guess and that's part of the game.

Setting Priorities Straight

Okay, I need to stop playing Magic: the Gathering during the week now. It's a lot of fun for me and I've been just playing against others. I need to once again remind myself that the dream I'm chasing after might not be feasible for me, no matter how much fun I'm having.

There's after all, luck that's going to come into factor. I would prefer that I don't sit around and see what happens when I could just do something else. I would rather not wait on someone else to decide my fate. I really like the set up and forget-go approach with everything when it comes to investing.

Been Awhile

Especially with the stupid topics that I talk about, I might as well take myself off the grid but keep this up for anybody who is lucky enough to read it then. I had originally on my Facebook profile and I think I still have it on some dating sites, but I'm not really caring because nobody cares to contact me from probably being scared of what I'm capable of.

That's right! Even though I'm a shorty, I don't look like one in person actually, so maybe my best chance of being with someone right is to actually meet her in person instead of trying to go shopping online. I think I'll just leave it to that then and just rely on creating a network of personal connections. The hard part is that without having an agent nor any fame, it's difficult to get fitted with an attractive girl who actually has something for you. Maybe, there would be something wrong with her, but then again who knows really?

In Summary

For all of the things I've written, I need to do better time management again. Even though it's not really in my core to do well, I guess I should try putting together a check-list of the necessities that I should really be carrying out which also include my main desires so I can remind myself to live that way.

Basically, I'm going after a relationship with Jesus, becoming wealthy, and really physically in shape. I will utilize discipline, patience, acceptance, and proper energy to get there.

Reviewing Last Posts

It's great to have discipline, patience, acceptance, and energy to keep going in life with whatever you are pursuing after. I guess I need to start doing that again and kick it back into full gear again. I think I need to accept that there are some things that I'm not going to be able to accomplish, even while it's going to be all in fun and make some sacrifices to be happy on the inside.

I think the main things I really want to stay focused on is having a relationship with Jesus, obtaining wealth, and being physically at tip-top shape. Other hobbies like writing music and trying to develop something out of nothing, I guess I can just look at it as trying to make money then.

I think it would be better for me to focus more on skill rather than trying to impress upon myself a little luck to earn some fortune. If I can minimize the time while maximizing my output through letting skill play a role, then I think I've found my niche.

Discipline and Consistency

Having energy through being awake, relaxed, focused, consistent, and disciplined; I think these are the ingredients for a better life. I'm just trying to recall what I said earlier. I guess I'll have to review the post I wrote again.

Letting Mind Slip

I ended up indulging on onion rings which are carbohydrates and watching anime for awhile. I feel pretty sheepish about doing that. I'm going to have to just get it out of my system now and go after my goals again. It's a good time to let myself be positive and bounce back into the person I want to be while being patient and hardworking about it.

I really need to instill upon myself great discipline again. I think that's what I'm really missing and consistency as well.

Okay

One of my posts has skyrocketed off the charts. I think from reviewing popular products and giving my personal recommendation of it from how it actually works for me and explaining it positively is probably what got me those visits. I'm getting really good results from it.

I guess if I seriously want to make a living off of promoting products, then I should really be advertising the stuff that actually works and make it free, I suppose. I would just be able to make money off advertisements then, while making the content free. There's really nothing to it and I think that's how even radio and tv shows make money off of it.

Spending Time Wisely

I feel with all of this time to myself and trying to pursue after good things in life, I'm actually building upon good personal character. What I really feel like doing is keeping myself occupied over good things while working hard for finding those activities that would suit me really well.

I'm gradually understanding the concept of patience, acceptance, relaxation, focus and alertness. I think with the Lord's help, I should be able to get to where I'm aiming towards. Jesus does come first in my life, and with all the temptations that I'm going through, I wouldn't have been trying to persevere if I never figured out that the Bible has good stuff in it for believers to follow.

Working Under Exhaustion

I've found a great supplement that can really get me focused and stay awake for hours. It's an amazing product and it's not some type of speed. It's a blend of vitamins and caffeine. I guess that's why people drink coffee to stay awake with the caffeine. I don't know how the researchers did it, but it has been working really well for me and doesn't feel anything dangerous like 5-hour energy drinks.

I used to drink those, but then I still get tired with those shots. With this supplement called Liftoff from Herbalife, I'm getting a really good kick out of it and actually not bothered about not being awake enough. Of course, the person has to put in his or her work with having proper nutrition and also exercising on a regular basis in order for all of that to kick into gear and work well.

Trying To End Bad Habits

I'm procrastinating a little too much. When I'm out with my friends, they are having a lot of fun. What happens to me when I'm by myself, is that I still try to get myself occupied with having fun and end up losing a lot of time and forgetting about my priorities that I set myself up to do. It's like I get this worn out feeling of having to do some mundane activity. I just don't want to do it so I set it aside.

I think I need to man up and just take care of business because it's life.

Going for Cooking

What's keeping me going is pretty much wanting a relationship with the Lord, getting a six pack, and becoming a millionaire! I'm not really feeling apprehensive about putting myself in that situation anymore because I figure why not.

I think I really need to just be creative more. About cooking, I'm just going to do what I can now to make healthy and delicious stuff. I'd like to meet new people and just continue to work at my life now.

Working Smarter

I was talking to my co-worker and he said that all it takes is working smarter to get to the wealth that you want. My investing scheme is doing okay and really marginal in profit for the last four months in demo trading. I'm ready to put in a few thousand dollars to see where that goes now.

Also, it takes eating correctly to get the results in the body and now I'm seeing how important nutrition really is to see that chiseled look. I'm putting in the effort with my workouts by sweating out on the average of like 700 calories whenever I work out. I look a lot more skinnier as well. 

I need some protein to get some bigger muscles and that's where I'm lacking a little bit on. It was hard at first to stay consistent even while I was not motivated, but now I'm seeing the bigger picture in that it's actually worth consistently going after a goal that you think is cool. There really shouldn't be any room for doubt in what you want to go after. 

Giving Up

I'm giving up on trying to make a living off of Magic: the Gathering and Poker. It's been on and off because I've sometimes been getting that itch of trying to make money off of it. I just can't see myself making it that far and with the time I commit to it, I feel pretty sheepish about it. It's just me and I'm not trying to put down anybody else online.

I'm just going to continue to work at working out and investing. I'll just have to utilize Meetup for activities then and also find creative ways to hang out with the other friends I currently have.  

Consistency

Right now, I'm making the push for a six pack. Also with the pay I'm getting at work, I think I have enough to support a small family right now as well. I could live on my own right now if I wanted to, also, but my parents leave me the heck alone and most of the time, I'm not at my house anyway. I'll just pay the $700 rent to live in a nice big home that my parents recently purchased. They don't really need the money from me, but my mom is forcing me to pay rent because she intends on putting that money into a savings account and later helping me to pay for my own house someday.

After looking at some nice homes in the Manhattan Beach area, I'm looking at saving up like $5 million someday to purchase a very cool home. Right now, I can live with the home I'm in right now. It's pretty cozy and spacious already and my parents did a good job with picking out a scenic home. I can actually handle living there and enjoy it now that I managed to oust my annoying little sister. I think I felt really annoyed by her because of her constant nagging and unhappy tone I heard in her voice. It was making me really edgy, and I wanted her to add me on Facebook as a friend at the same time. It wasn't flowing very well between her and me as one might be able to tell. She wasn't interested with it and was ready to express herself in a frustrated manner always. Man, it sucked living with her. She left not primarily because of me, even though I want her to think that way, but her savings are being sucked dry because she is renting some place else. I'm in a better situation because the money I put in rent is going to come back to me.

My mom may be weird, but at least she likes to help me out still because I'm always her baby. I tried to act really lazy, and she wasn't having that and said that I'm an adult practically. I can manipulate my mom into calling me an adult or kid all I want and in any mood I feel like, but I want to be called an adult all the time. Anyhow, I bug my mom over the little stuff easily and she puts up with it, while my mom tries to meddle with my affairs still. My dad is actually not really in the picture, but only when he gets mad, he'll start saying stuff and I usually end up giving my dad a headache so he stops talking to me after he says angry words for little bit.

Few More Elements of Success

At work for the last couple days, I've been thinking about what would contribute to success with virtually anything. What I've come up with is that in addition to patience, one would also need room for proper focus, staying relaxed, and have acceptance.

Let me refresh the elements to make it easy. Patience, stay relaxed, have proper focus, and be accepting. I think those things will really help out with staying on top of things especially at work and while trying to learn new stuff to apply to life. Also, it's an awesome thing to be able to stay awake and not distracted with sleepiness.

What I Think It's Really About

When it comes down to a guy having a good relationship with a girl he's interested in, I think it really comes down to connecting with each other at an emotional level. Also, I'm starting to see those relationships as more of a privilege rather than what I'm entitled too. They are definitely a plus to the guy who hasn't really been that outgoing in life.

One of the main things I notice that's important is to have patience. I have a buddy who like to progress at a fast pace, but it might actually be pretty challenging for him to stay with pursuing one lady. The fact that he doesn't realize he doesn't have the foundation laid out before him makes him feel that he's unacceptable in society because of his upbringing. I like to have talks with my buddy all the time and call him out on things that I think are stupid about him!

So overall, it's about making connections and knowing the right people when it comes to beginning or starting over with finding a partner in crime. I think what helps a guy out a lot is to really work out at a gym and work hard at earning a lot of money. On top of that, the guy should just work on being a pleasant person over all. With this top notch quality, it will be hard for people to not notice you and feel positive as well while they are around you. Positiveness will attract happiness in general I believe. Therefore, I say to continue reading the Bible and trying to understand it while reading some commentaries and praying over some verses. Good luck with finding Christ in your life, if you haven't already.

Letting Myself Just Catch Up

Maybe, I'll probably have the best results if I do actually post something everyday to the best of my ability. It can be anything and even though it might be boring, it could still be inspiring for somebody on this whole wide Internet. The fact that I actually have some hits that don't belong to me, whether it be some random stranger looking to make a buck or some person who thinks alike as I do, tells me that quite possibly and in some weird phenomenon, I'm being paid attention to.

It's just crazy that someone would actually do that. Like on my Facebook, very few people do actually catch on to my humor, but I think most of them just don't think it's quite worthwhile to impress themselves with. Honestly, I think the stuff that I'm going for is really high-level sometimes and difficult to really appreciate the time taken to make something interesting just pop up.

Basically, I'm just doing stuff for myself and trying to make myself laugh. Right after doing that, the next day, it's just old news for me. I'm like numbed out to it. I can't say that I know too little or too much, but hey it definitely is cool.

Proofreading

I believe that for no good reason I'm really skipping words that I would normally have while writing something. It's like I'm going after the gist of something, but then I just let it skip without really attention to anything. I think I've learned to type while keeping it on overdrive now and really my mind is just focusing elsewhere.

My nerves just continually act up on me when I don't want it to. I'm just trying to be smooth with stuff, but letting things slip out of my reach. I don't really intend this to happen, but it just does for me. I would like to focus a little better while learning to let go of stuff.

That's actually pretty fun with the things I did. I think it's just continually important for me to maintain personal confidence even if no one is really going to validate it for me. I believe that's probably why it's so good to be human. We really are given our space when we just like come out of nowhere. It can also be really fun as well.

It's really hard with the stuff I'm chasing after like getting a six pack and being a millionaire off of trading investment portfolios. I don't think everybody is in their right state of mind to get there. I just don't seem to really have a hard time with feeling that way now.

Maybe that's why, people don't respond to my really high end goals that I'm actually gradually reaching. It's pretty fun and at the beginning, it might have been a little rough for me and some days were not that easy to stay consistent with it, but overall, just willing myself because I see it at the end of how it's really going to make me feel. I can visualize how it's going to be so cool for me and beneficial. That's probably why I'm able to keep this thing going.

Listening To Sermon On Radio

Honestly, when I'm driving my mind is totally in different places and really zoned out. I have a hard time really listening to the sermons. I'll probably retain like 1% of what the Bible teacher said and that's about it.

At a church, I feel a little more lively and more actively engaged, but I definitely forgot what the pastor said already. I just know that being in the Bible feels very refreshing for me and so that's probably why I continue to just check it out whenever I get the chance.

It's pretty normal and not everybody has time for you, but what was cool is that I've been finding out that I'm able to be decent around most people. I think it's normal to feel mad with some people and get them to shut you out of your life. I mean I bugged those people massively to the point that they don't want to argue with me.

In general, I think I'm actually good with most people and that I'm probably not the main person why some people are going through a hard time. From actually having a pretty calm persona, it really doesn't bother me with how people are going to act now. I think I'm catching on to this whole charisma thing and getting negative angry people with me to sort of stay on some neutral grounds with me. I'm not so much afraid of seeing cops around anymore either. I just don't want to get a ticket for speeding and that's pretty much it!

Warming Up the Brain

I think I could seriously just improve my self-awareness at a continuous rate and become efficient at including everything and doing it all at the same time. It's a work in progress and something I would love to accomplish someday. I think everybody wants something like that in general and it would actually promote self-contentment. 

Yet, I think God's the real reason why I'm able to continue to push forward. Without that knowledge of God's saving grace upon believers, I don't think I would have such an optimism outlook to look forward to. Not everyone is willing to be accepting of it because it would definitely be easier to just be negative about things and shutdown. 

Negativity and shutting down might be really easy things to do, but definitely they both are really depressing for me, so I would rather work hard at improving myself consistently and just moving along. I'm so used to it.

Feeling Good About Life

I think there's sometimes a moment where you'll just overload. I'm so glad that I sort of have a sense of humor. I think it also helps out to. In a sense, it's quite interesting how it can be really fun at the same time. I guess I just have this type of style of speech that doesn't really get a reaction from anyone but somehow it just can be fun and not really need any response back in general.

I think it's fun to lead and go after those win-win situations for everybody. Maybe it's cool to just have fun at the same time and just laugh about those incidents.

Becoming Better At Things

I think just within time and practically being awake with lots of decent energy, I'm finding myself to be quite productive. Maybe the stress can really come from just anticipating something to happen and just not being able to handle the waiting period. It can wear out a person quite easily.

I guess just taking the time to relax the body and getting used to making yourself a better person through just patience and accepting things better through time is what determines his or her success.

Patience Is Definitely A Virtue

Yeah, I can't really say much except that it takes me a long way especially with really long goals. I'm not sure what to really write on here right now. I think I really need to get back into track with doing the best I can. There's really not much I can do right now, except that it's pretty fun with everything that happened.

Stuff I'm Trying To Be Mindful About

I really want to just keep out the negative and go with the flow in positive. I'm really idealistic like that and I think what's really missing in my life right now is the consistency with reading the Bible. Well, right now I'm stuck in Song of Solomon. Oh it's a book that has a lot of deep meaning I suppose because it's in a poetic sort of way, so yeah I can see why it would be tough for me, but I should really being having fun with it.

Okay, I'm going to read the Bible a little bit then and try to get it going. One of these days, I'm thinking about getting my feet wet in the video game industry as well. Going to pick up an electric guitar and sing something with it too. Maybe I'll form my own band with some friends eventually just to have fun.

I would also like to study survival in the woods as well and why not, might as well add some green technology in there to make life easier for me as much as possible without having to rely on stuff that require some manufacturing with labor. It would actually be cool to study electrical engineering and see if I could apply that knowledge on like an uninhabited island. Just being self-reliant like that would be cool in case I needed it. I would also like to learn quite a lot about health too, so maybe being a physician assistant someday would be great too.

Starting To Do Things On Own

I spent so much money trying to have others spoon feed me a successful blueprint that would make me happy. I'm one of those unfortunate people who got sucked into a money-less pit. I did all I could and it was cold marketing that people were able to make money with something.

I had a really hard time and just things weren't feeling right and I was totally trying to wing it the whole time. It's a really disconcerting feeling, and I just couldn't do anything about it at the time. I was so helpless because I had an inflexible mind and felt like a complete failure and loser the whole time. It was really my outlook in life that made me fall.

These days, things have been picking up and I'm seeing light for the better.

Cashing Out

With putting not that much effort, I'm starting to close in on a very effective way to trade on Forex. It's a little bit too crazy that I don't really want to share it with anyone. You know it's a competition out there, and I'm grateful for some people helping me get there, but now, I really have my own thing that I want to develop.

Actually, nobody really knows what's going to happen in the financial investment markets. The successful traders just have found a way to beat it I guess. My biggest fear is really letting down pupils, so I would rather prefer my future kids to become a stockbroker if that's where they are digging it.

I think I'm just a rarity among the people to do this. I'm not really going to promote it nor say anything bad about it. It's inherently a risky business and requires some degree of skill that is unmatched in this typical world. I can't really explain it from just doing it.

Maybe when I branch out to the more traditional forms of investing, I'll be more social about it, but for the Forex market, it's definitely a wild beast that can't be tamed but has to be challenged by privileged people who are into doing it and just let it fall into place.

Working Out

I'm feeling so much confidence these days and plenty of energy from working out, having good nutrition, and getting a good amount of rest. I think those three things factor into a very healthy life. There has to be a balance that needs to be maintained though. 

I've been accustomed to running and I think I'm going to do that like every other day if possible. I'm also working out quite hard all around my body as well. The finishing touches that I'm missing is just flawless dieting. If I can get that into play, I believe that I'll have something good going. 

Interesting Way To Meet People

I think one of the biggest things that people hate about online dating services is that they aren't free. There's a free one like Craigslist, but the people on there might be crazy and just messaging them with an Internet photo doesn't ensure that they will respond back to you. Also the people on there do not list on most occasions what they look like nor even send out their photo. The person on there could be anybody and for safety precautions it's probably better to just avoid being part of that scene.

I met a few overweight and crazed females on Craigslist and it wasn't happiness for me. They did chase after me and asked me out a few times after we hung out once. I wasn't interested in them anymore. Yeah, it's not a cool thing for me, so I'll just pass on doing that now.

I think the better method is to go on Meetup.com and find people who share the same interests as you do. They will even list their photo so you get an idea of how they look like. Through making these types of friendly connections, from knowing the right person, it might even lead you to the right person to form a happy bond with. That's what sort of happened for me. I met some cool people through there that make me feel comfortable.

Fitting Others Into My Life

Well, one of the things that occur for me when I commit to an activity that includes others is most likely, sacrificing some of my sleep. I've been used to it enough that I can still function with a little rest, even though I risk tiring out throughout the whole day and fight to still awake while driving on the road with most occasions.

There's a really nice person in my life right now who likes to share things that are going on. It's really fun to just talk while texting each other and I've been getting along nicely so well. I'm realizing my selfish ego is pretty jacked up from talking to this person, so in a way, it's been helping me let go of those prideful and angry issues. It's just made me grateful to have a person like that to help build my character.

Trying To Manage Personal Schedule

I'm seeing that I'm practically avoiding my time usage with playing Magic: the Gathering throughout the week. It looks like I have more bigger priorities to get myself accustomed to. As I become more efficient with myself, I think that's going to be a major factor for me.

Because of how I look at myself now, if people don't really have time for me then I'm not really so much fretting or being disappointed about it anymore. I have enough trouble as it is already to try to get everything in order for myself.

Reaching Towards Goals

I'm pretty much the same as always. I want to be proficient at the Bible and living under its holy guidance, get a six pack, and become a millionaire! It's just little by little, I will be making myself better on a daily basis. 

Concentrating and diligence are such useful qualities to have. These days things have been actually getting better for me because of my willingness to have patience with people who just upset me now. I'm totally willing myself to find personal solutions that would make it easier on myself without having to push them out of my life. I just like pushing myself through those concerns because it makes me still feel positive. 

Pretty Much Easy

I've been told that I'm really intelligent by people who have tried to cross me with their differences of opinions. Yet, I'm still living and trying to keep on pushing on ahead. Okay, I saw this ad at a volunteer site about this animal shelter that needs people to walk dogs and socialize with cats at a minimum of 8 hours a month. I'm totally buying into it.

I've always wanted a dog and cat and someday I will. I have been struggling with managing my finances a little and did some crazy things with it while trying to get out of the rat race. I placed myself in a number let's say like $30,000 in debt from trying to do business that I had no shot in. It's like I paid for an expensive school and then dropped out.

Now, I have a decent paying job and could probably pay off everything I owe so far in a matter of a few years if I really tried, but I'm having so much fun with trying to live life man. I'm just procrastinating with paying off debt because it's so fun and acquiring new gadgets to assist me. I'm practically normal and slightly living on the edge for that thrill of excitement and adventure.

One of these days, everything is just going to come together. As I continue to fix myself and focus on the better things that's required for myself, I'm really bad at developing routines with myself. Again, that's a pretty normal situation. I can connect like this with everybody.

Spending some money on me just to see how it's like and not doing it that often now and trying to save up the majority of it to pay off everything I owe, it's really going to come together for me and I'm going to start getting it all together someday. After all, words are cheap and people will be angry and disappointed, but overall, my intentions if they make me happen will probably pay off if I continue to work hard at it, especially with this major plus side about me that likes to do self-improvement.

Developing Myself

One of the things that I have to admit is that I've been having a little trouble keeping focused on the things of God these days. I'm tuning in the radio and whenever I can, I'm listening to tidbits that the pastors speak, but other times, I found my mind wandering off to other things. This is basically a really normal thing then.

I feel like I could commit myself more in this area of studying the Word of God. I'm sure people out there will be like you should and there will be some who would feel like what's the point of even bothering with it. From the Bible itself, I've found that passages are really rich with deep meaning especially if I look up some commentaries on verses that I don't understand. It's really ripe and the spiritual fruit is just read to be eaten. It gives a wonderful perspective in this life.

Basically, everything that has led up to this point has been about living for some cause. This life that we live has been all about making independent choices because we are blessed with that opportunity. Yet, it's not uncommon to see people struggling with what they want in life and suffering from something.

I honestly wish I did all I could from an early age to ensure that I reach like 6 feet in my height and be athletic with a really attractive and sweet girlfriend. Even if that would mean like the world to me to have, the joy of being able to seek something greater than myself makes it much more worthwhile to still make the best out of what I can at this point in time.