Few Things I Keep Forgetting

First off, everybody is different when it comes to what they want to maintain with themselves. I honestly really don't find a life of being a couch potato very fun anymore. It only encourages laziness while causing weight creep up. I don't find it to be very pleasing for me. I would rather be in the great outdoors and spend a good deal of money having fun trying to also enjoy what others have experienced and to also maybe find a new adventure into something more. 

With the female friends I get attracted to sometimes, I'm not sure if I want to stick around to see if anything else develops. I'm not even really interested in asking them out right now either. Maybe it's because they really aren't the one for me. I'm just not sure but it looks like the girl who I have a lot of common interests with and spend a good deal amount of time regularly is someone who I could eventually settle down with. I don't really feel cranky about listening to her about her needs and complaints either. I mean it's like I embedded the word nice while being around her. She's definitely at the age though where she could have healthy babies too. Wow, it would be something she has to be really prepared for and right now, it wouldn't be the ideal economic situation to try to do that with her.

However, it seems like she's more open to trying out different things because she is finally getting over a bad breakup she isn't too proud over. I guess I've been there for her like a big brother these last couple years, but it feels like we're treating each other like good friends now. I think she sort of likes me to be honest, so the question would be is if I should go after tying the knot with her. For now, it seems like if I had an actual relationship with her it would be really boring and such a drag. It's just that I get physically attracted to her sometimes and know she's a pretty good person that I'm hanging on a bit here. We literally can hang out often with each other and it's like we're comfortable and people also don't give us any trouble. I would like to wait to see what develops as she establishes her career because it's where she's putting priority over dating. She's also not been taking care her of body that well and gaining some weight, but I don't think it matters to me so much either now.

For now, I'm just going to keep on exploring and trying to meet more beautiful ladies and getting to know them, while seeing if I can make a strong romantic connection with any of them. I'm just going to be holding back though until I'm settled down and depending on how she feels about where the relationship is progressing. I also have another outlet that my crazed dad is offering me, but out of it, it's expected that I find someone to marry. I'm not ready to date those type of girls yet and don't really want to waste my time either trying. I mean it would be a privilege and it's free also for me. I would be living a pretty quiet existence while married to someone, but if this lady was the right one for me, then it would be lights out a great life for me. I wonder if I could find a girlfriend out of my dad's proposals because what's more important to me is the opportunities I place myself with. I'm just looking for a nice and attractive lady who is also attracted to me and wants to stay physically affectionate. I would have to be comfortable with her background and ethnicity while also allowing ourselves to consider if it's the right decision to stay together. 

Overall, I might as well go work out at the gym more often and regularly apply lotion and hair loss treatments to appear to be more handsome all for fun and try to make the right moves with the ladies I'm interested in. I'm also likely to bail out on a lot of them from maybe finding something a little too off and moving on to the next one. I can finally understand that it looks like it's going to be a long numbers game for me to endure.  

Securing A Smart Routine

Since I don't have a girlfriend and don't really care about how much I suffer now to go after finding the right girl for myself, I might as well do everything I can to maximize this outcome. This means I should be trying to be the most fittest person I can be while trying to make the best earning possible and also continuing to maintain my life with the best quality I can get. Despite me knowing that I'm pretty short compared to the average tall guy that girls normally would get attracted to, I'm just going to accept it if it doesn't go my way while trying to continually do everything that's right for myself.

I would rather die trying now to find the one, instead of excusing myself while knowing about all of my personal weaknesses and flaws. I just want to be the very best I can be always so I won't catch myself off guard so often. It's pretty annoying for me if I mess up at something, but it's always a brand new day. Struggling is okay for me now with getting somewhere in life.   

Going After Fixing Things From Unhappiness

I'm pretty unhappy about me messing about with my time management skills and missing a few details on the fly. I'm always trying to put it together in my head, and it's like I'm leaving out a couple important steps. I want to be so good at doing this naturally and being committed at it while so tired and even feeling a bit distracted. In a way, I sort of want to work on personal endeavors from feeling like a machine.

When it comes to people interactions and finding a girlfriend, I can just let emotions run wild and play smart by figuring out ladies and trying to snag the best one out there in the market for me. I'm also trying to play that game now while posing as a decent guy. People just right off the bat usually think I'm smart, so it can scare them if I have some type of beef they aren't sure about. The ones I've been mad at aren't the brightest people around and not at the top of their game and will probably never be a superstar but what are the odds of that ever happening to me? It's like even if they were at the top, would it even matter to me still? Anyways for now it helps me to stay calm by comparing the situations they are going through based on perceiving their economic level of success. Even the police aren't that great and top of their game with money status to me either, especially the ones who bug me!

Looking at myself, I work as a software developer so that already speaks some volume in terms of where I could potentially land up financially. Especially with my personality and being such a crazy video gamer in the past, I just keep on playing to try to win and don't like to give up. I think I was so obsessed at losing in some games and trying to figure it out by myself that I had to let it go so I could catch up on schoolwork and barely passed my classes to graduate college in a reasonable amount of time. Having no job to worry about, it was a lot easier back then and I wish I understood that I could just watch YouTube videos or search online on how to beat those levels so I could save time and move on with my life. Searching online and reading is what I essentially do nowadays to get by with my professional line of work and everybody does it too so it's like it's there to make everyone's life easier and make money so why not keep at it then instead of being stupid and stressing out over some pride issues of trying to pick up knowledge through one's own effort.

Stuff I Messed Up In

Firstly, I can be very proud of myself that I didn’t get off of porno last weekend! I don’t think anyone really cares so much what I put on this blog so I wil treat it for personal entertainment purposes and if it inspires something good in others then I will be happy with that too. Honestly, I don’t really see as participating in self-love with porn and holding it in long as possible is really anything of much value anymore. What’s more important is maintaining a proper relationship with the significant other and being able to have good things that come out of it.

Man, I totally forgot to let one of the owners at work know about my decision if I was going to join a planned company anniversary event this weekend. I will have to let him know today. I also do need a car wash because it’s like the birds did some target practice all over it. I guess since the weather here isn’t really that hot right now and I prefer daylight I could do it myself tomorrow at work during my break periods.

These are all little things and I feel like I messed up so much with my time management issues. I think it even turned off a potential relationship with a girl who gave me a chance. Well, I think the crush I had on her died out because I was so stressed out with these feelings while worrying about how she had a boyfriend who was slowly walking out on her. I don't really so much feel in love with her anymore and it's probably because her best friend might have miscalculated with her words of wisdom also. I guess people close to each other won't always even know what's going on, so it's always going to be better to just the ask the person straight up if it's worthwhile and to live with the turn out. If it doesn't go one's way, it's time to move on and try again while chasing after another opportunity until something great happens and to not be lazy and give up with always chasing after something to find a good deal of happiness.

I asked the girl if she was ever attracted to me and she pretty much gave me a long-winded answer which is the same as a yes. I think her fiancé probably knows so he is trying to come out to events if he knows I'm going to be there with her. She messages me that she thinks of me as a brother though, but I think her fiancé doesn't want to leave anything to chance and being sort of protective about their relationship and feeling jealous whenever she gives me a passionate and warm hug of embrace which is what she does as a person with me. It's between him and her to figure it out, and I don't even know what's going to happen if the relationship ever starts dying down in passion. It's going to take a lot of money to do things with her and spice things up, which helps but it's not like she's a materialistic person. It's just the excitement and what a rich guy can do with his money to put his point across that can be so attractive to ladies sometimes. I hope to get there someday while dressing like a normal guy still which will be fun if I still need to find a nice girlfriend to settle down with.

People have problems of happiness to deal with and like to do messed up things to one another even if it's in its smallest form which is what I find people doing to me. It's really important to stay sharp and be happy for the opportunities we have had with the majority of people instead of letting the few stinkers ruin our moods on a daily basis. It's really about finding the opportunity and working hard for happiness. Communication is really the key if there's something with people that needs to be sorted out and I have been realizing that even messaging each other can be so powerful.

Rejecting A Man's Advice

I realize that there's really no point of arguing unless it really ends up bugging me. I believe that a full effort must be made to control personal feelings of anger and aggravation against one another from hearing comments that could be perceived as really stupid and not very helpful while not being in a great mood. I guess I'm really easy to look down upon and any person can convince him or herself to feel that way. After all, it really doesn't matter in the end though. It's really all just a waste of time anyway. I guess I'll feel like a jerk trying to lead them in the right direction and trying to convince them to be more open of a person while they continue to have personal problems that hinder them from having a high quality of life. I'm making a judgement call here, and I don't think I'm too far off with it.

It feels like sometimes one can continually bury him or herself in life over any circumstance and just never be able to climb out of it. It's pretty much happening from having natural predilections and no one is perfect, so it's probably the best to be ready to move on and not give in to a person's ideas if it's dislikable. No one is perfect, and I have been accepting that about myself even though it still bugs me to lose a Facebook friend every once in awhile! I might be one of those types who would be hard to argue with and also be someone who would fight hard to keep the relationship alive. Therefore, I really like reasonable people because I agree with them a lot and also meeting anybody to just hang out even if he or she will end up being a bad friend.

Commiting To Optimal Plans With Discipline

I'm noticing something about myself in that I'm regretting with not having made the optimal moves yesterday and letting my mind just shutdown. There were a few key things I could have done better last weekend, and I just failed to make it work. I'm forcefully letting myself deal with a lot of things on my plate and probably paying attention to the wrong things. After all, it should be about working hard while persevering to find happiness. The level of difficulty shouldn't really be that off putting if it's what a person truly desires.

It's really about putting oneself through a lot of adversity and for myself, it's most likely just boredom and feeling a great level of it with conflicting levels of interests with my weak flesh. It's totally about maintaining this at a healthy level and putting enough effort to find personal happiness. I honestly believe that putting full trust in the Lord Almighty is the best way to achieve complete satisfaction in life. This pretty much makes me still a Christian then, who tries to go about discerning things and engaging in fun activities that aren't really harmful and remain lawful in the eyes of the Lord.

Speaking The Heart Out

I think what sometimes conflict with nice people out there is that they want to stay nice during a misunderstanding. I hold my own peace and don't go cussing someone out while holding out a knife either, but it would be nice to beat someone up who did that to me. I would probably end up hospitalized and then if I survived my failed attempt to beat that crazy gangster up, I would try to train so I could beat a group of those crazy gangsters up next time they try to argue with me. If they held out a gun, I'm running away so maybe I should arm myself with some throwing knives too or do some target shooting practice to double down my effectiveness for winning at stupid arguments all day and during any time of the year!

This is in those extreme instances where I just didn't care while I had a lot of money and steam to blow off on people. I'm not likely to force myself into arguments with a gangster. I'll probably avoid the scene altogether to begin with and if there's a lady in need, I'll be like call the cops to her. No way! I had a lot of confidence issues and then some dumb people started rattling my cage even some more. It was hard to fend them off while feeling stressed and just trying to do well. It's a hard feeling that I've had to live with for most of my life. Oh well, that's what life is. It's about giving into more of that hard feeling like a masochist while working harder in the grinder and going after finding success.

It isn't crazy either- it's just the way things are supposed to be laid out. Being jealous and trying to be defensive about nothing important is just a waste of time, so I might just do a quickie when I have to fulfill a dumb oath I made to God. It's like 1 microsecond of acknowledgement that I did it for God and someone else influenced by it knowing and then maybe screaming at that person as well for another five hours before leaving the premises if I still have the energy to leave and made that far without them threatening to call the cops on me. It would be crazy if I could do that but I think I have a shot to make it happen because it would be my moment that they would be forced to reckon with and try to make fun of later but I will give them plenty of material to make them sad the longer they think about it and give up with staying mad at me. Okay, that would be a lot of fun to even extend into days as well, I presume.

Brought To My Attention

I don't know why I'm not trying to make money off of this blog because the views went off the chart today. This blog is like hidden somewhere in the Amazon jungle of the cyberworld. I am anonymously writing on here with the exception of a few people who actually know me because I was dumb enough to put my real name on here while I was trying to bag on real people. It's not fair in that I put down real people's names and started talking honestly about them and they were always negative thoughts and quite funny sometimes too. They can't get me in trouble for it because it's all fact based so they are the ones in trouble and being crazy and dumb if they want to try to sue me because I can always counter sue! It's not such a big deal and I can substantiate that enough with my emotionally driven and argumentative brain that will never give up a good fight to achieve any goal like beating down any person's stupid attempt to sue me!

Okay, I had a great laugh from writing the last paragraph and just sharing it. In fact, I finally wrote an answer somewhere on the Internet which is a hotspot for curious people and it was sent to 1.1 Million people with only 80,000 people viewing it so far. It's not bad I would say in that it was just one answer that I posted which surpassed the total amount of views on this blog and I've had this running for more than ten years now! It's interesting how today as I went to check the basic view chart, it sky-rocketed. It's like the stock market for me here. People go away so my view chart goes down and then people come again for whatever reason and then it just tries to break the ceiling of that view chart!

Overall, it's interesting how things just happen. It's all a guessing game sometimes and it's like contributing from not having a hard time and enjoying oneself and then for some reason it ends up being good for someone else. This is a world of giving and receiving even though humans will return evil for evil and not give enough good sometimes for something that was great to receive. Normally, this statement would make me want to give up on pleasing people and I'm already there but I believe in not giving up for whatever reason and just keeping this post moving forward to its conclusion.

It takes a lot of heart and just struggling and dealing with it and then just persevering. It's required for short guys who want to find a sexy wife and the best one out there for him. It's like going after finding that needle in a haystack and so many people just don't respond well to it, until the day it happens and then more people will respond with congratulations but the one who just turned away from you will be like whatever and turn away even some more. It's just the way life is- we need to work hard and try to watch our own backs. It's awesome to take care of someone while being moody about that person and holding it in until it passes like the very moment. 

In conclusion to this informal five-paragraph free write, I'm aware people are coming from somewhere and reading these posts. Those views aren't my own doing and I can only get so much of a handle each day with this blog. I enjoy just as much and maybe more though from reading my past posts that make fun of people and how I got away with it from staying 100% honest, but that's not only what this blog is useful for. It's also about sharing my ideas and hogging this whole Internet space that I got for free. Thanks Google!  

Funny Message I Sent To A Dumb Peer

So and so (also known as Mr. Estúpido) was being a brat and couldn't handle whatever made him mad. Most likely from feeling disrespected while he was trying to sleep and being so tired, so yeah he was a total jerk about it. (I laughed.) You were sort of a brat too from agreeing with him at the time. Lesson learned buddy, I won't be so easy to walk over next time by others and you guys were my stepping stones and glad it was over something silly (I laughed sarcastically). Yeah, it's time for me to move on. It's human nature to be buttheads with one another from time to time. (I laughed rhetorically.)

Even if it was unintentional and I think you meant for the best so I have to say you sucked a whole lot at it. I'm glad we don't have to deal with it anymore unless Mr. Estúpido is still crazy to try after all these years [to get me in trouble] but I doubt he would remember what he felt. It was like he was on drugs at the time. Umm, don't remind him of that time for me. Let's not ever bring it up in person for discussion either, unless I'm going for a low blow from wanting to be a jerk too but I better have a good reason for it by then. You can delete these posts from now on if you wish. Consider it MISSION IMPOSSIBLE completed- so self destruct. (I had like the best laugh in ages.)

Being Aware Of Human Nature

It's pretty funky with how people relations can turn sour all of a sudden and it turned out to be over something truly annoying or frustrating while not being that big of a deal in the end. People can just over react sometimes while not understanding something and just make a big fuss over nothing because they misunderstood something.

Misunderstandings are just really tricky to deal with sometimes and they surely anger me a lot. I'm sure it can happen to just about anyone and even in a fit of rage, something bad could happen if it was for someone even though I will never go around trying to kill someone. I need them alive so I can have fun bothering them while I'm really mad and want to stay that way for a long time, so I've been a victim of a few restraining orders. Those jerks- they got the best of me after filing them! I'm not stupid to end up in jail so I won those three-year court orders by never talking to them after.

I understand that mouths move and can say things to cause selfish people to do unwanted things while being in the moment. Overall, it's been just really silly for my personal situations in the end. I had a hard time understanding a lot of this mess because I just didn't understand myself to begin with and that was the hardest to learn to overcome. I'm just saying that human nature is to react badly when someone does something that is bad even if it was only a misunderstanding.

The tough part of all of this is to be like God which is about being graceful even when people are behaving bad with you. Some parents can try to be good to their misbehaving kids all the time, but aren't perfect sometimes. After all, I think sometimes people didn't react badly with me because they just didn't want to get involved with me in an unnecessary conflict and to maybe talk about their frustrations to someone else. Communication is seriously the key to a lot of this negotiating process even if it's talking while yelling at someone from being mad about something so little that's unfair to you and even if it drains a lot of energy when it could be used to go into doing something more productive and healthy.

What's so crazy is that I know a girl who imagines people in her head fighting with her and she has thought it's really happening. She's been hospitalized a few times from becoming so rowdy as a result and being unable to manage her anger issues. It's pretty sad, but she's been more recently learning to move on even if those imagined crazy people in her head can't stop leaving her alone. What we should learn from this is that it's important to learn to stay calm and be rational when things really start getting to us and accept things we really have no control over while looking for things we can work on or continue to manage for happiness.

Receiving Nice Free Advice

Basically, I sent the last post to someone to answer an open-ended question and it looks like I was so thoughtful about it from taking my time to answer him but in reality, I didn't really do it for him. I guess it works out well then because I felt highly at peace with my answer, and he readily connected solidly with my answer and responded well.

He did point out that it would be better if I found a love in my life before the money started pouring into my life. In a way, I agree. It's going to be so much harder to find the right lady considering how I'm so short compared to most normal guys in height, but I might as well keep on looking and go after finding someone to pursue after. I suffered so much from feeling short and being so selfish even though I had a few beautiful ladies in my life who were actually quite open to me. I think I was dumb to not give them a chance because they weren't Korean. I grew up with this mentality from getting it with my family. They have strong emotional ties to wanting Koreans marrying only Koreans. I tried to live with it but I kept on meeting beautiful ladies who weren't Korean so it confused me how could it be possible to stick to only this. I felt so weird that I shut myself out with finding a girlfriend too when I had much better looks back then for a short guy.

I'm now older and don't really have those same good looks with my hair barely staying in place and thinning out while growing whiter! These are the challenges that I am putting myself through and it's true that if I became rich then beautiful women will be attracted because of the money. It would be nice to meet the one without the money even though having the money would make my dating life a lot easier. I'm not really closed to just beautiful Korean ladies now- it's beautiful Asian ladies for me right now. I'm gradually warming up to trying to date other ladies of other ethnicities. Actually, I think it can be a lot of fun, so why not.  

Simple Goals In Life

I would honestly like to make a lot of money from doing smart investments and keep earning revenue while putting in the minimal amount of maintenance. I'm looking to play in money markets using chart analysis software and programming some algorithms. I would like to become an expert at this stuff so I won't have to come into the office and work a long time each day and then drive home in traffic while being tired during the week.

It's a dream of mine and only because it deals with not having to work with people and going right at managing the risk and where to invest with capital. I don't mind hiring some companies to manage my funds for me later on as well because that would be smart to minimize having to work and just make the top financial decisions for myself. Overall, it's a lot of work but a very simple goal to go after achieving.

On top of making a killing like this with stocks, I'd love to finally settle down with a beautiful woman who is really attracted to me and also in love. It would be really good if I could get to that stage in my life and just start maintaining things while enjoying a good life. I enjoy being outdoors and traveling while being in great shape, so I would love to have a lot of time to do these things while staying in worship with Jesus the rest of my days.

Overall, my needs are really simple but tough to achieve regarding the circumstances I put myself through and how I turned out. I am willing to go through the hardships required to make it and to wait upon the Lord for the day that I finally am able to achieve these common dreams.  

Method Of Finding A Girlfriend

I'm using the Internet to find social groups and I have largely relied on one source from having desperately searched for something on Google. I think everyone can be different with how they go about using apps or websites to find someone, but finding something that is effective and free works very well in fact!

I think my method is pretty plain and simple so far because I'm just looking to meet attractive girls with my free time and try to get to know them a little while doing something that's fun and interesting to me. Hopefully, they are also having fun too while coming out to the social event. I'm just a normal guy who is lucky to be born healthy and able to maintain it with a middle-class job but the only physical flaws about me is that I came out short and have mild allergies that don't try to kill me. The more regularly I workout, the more immune I feel to my allergies so I guess I literally feel like I have a good amount of benefits from trying to stay in shape even if I'm not the best athlete out there, which is totally fine for me now.

Here's my steps I'm doing with meeting attractive girls:

1.) I look for social events that interest me and open them up as a tab on a browser.

2.) I instantly eliminate the events that won't match my schedule or be undesirable because of the location and the ones that are already full.

3.) I look at only the main profile picture of all the ladies stating they will attend and calculate a mental score. I need a minimum of two hot ladies stating they will show up to consider it a good incentive. If they bail at the last minute, I'm doing something fun anyway and can try again next time while socializing with the others who showed up as an alternative and to not be so awkward with my manners. My scoring system is really simple- +1 goes to the ladies I find attractive, +0.5 for the ladies who are in between for me, and +0 for all others. If I see at least a total score of two then I'm going to keep it for consideration.

3.) Next I repeat for the next two weeks and then go look at who is coming again as the event approaches and to decide on what I'm doing. The highest score takes precedence for me and next the closer location if there's a tie. In some cases, I may reserve a spot earlier because of the host setting a deadline or having a limit of attendees while being popular.

4.) Go to the event and introduce myself to a girl or girls I find attractive and just try to talk a little. I might also invite a few more attractive girls who I'm lucky to be friends with and think will like the event. They like being around cute girls too!

Funny Situation With Female Friends

Currently, I'm really close to two girls outside of my family and they are related to each other. This sort of complicates things when it comes to the idea of a dating relationship because I think I like both of them, even though it's not fully developed yet. One of them has something going on with her head, but she's pretty cool for hanging out with though and she likes being affectionate. The other one is physically attractive to me and people think we look like family members, so it just feels a little awkward because she is also not affectionate.

It's pretty interesting in that I think with someone really pretty and Asian, people might think we're like family unless we don't really look alike at all then yeah, they can assume anything from that point on. In a way, it seems pretty safe for me to go with the attractive girl who looks like my cute sibling. I don't think people will be giving us weird stares or anything anytime soon, so I don't know where it's going to go from there just because of how she is as a person. I might have a habit of making her mad from being insensitive and uncaring sometimes which reminds her of unresolved conflicts with people from the past.

Interesting Standards

I think it's like if I was a lady all of a sudden then I'd be a very confident one and pretty successful as well with other guys chasing after me, but I would be like go away to them all day! I'm just imagining what my life would be like if I was actually a girl and everything I accomplished was from being a lady. Now that I'm actually a guy, I'm just a regular dude who needs to get rich and to move out of the house. I really suffered from not saving my money properly all of these years and making really horrible gambles. I trusted some bad business people out there and so now, I don't even pick up the phone with solicitors and I'm not going to ever give my money away to anyone I never met. How they got me was from me pitying them a lot and wanting to be of help to them, so they ended up pulling a scheme to operate on a loved one by asking me to deposit a fake check and walking out with $5000. I should have known better but that large number exciting from my account opened up my eyes so big that I stopped caring about who the other person was. Man, I'm killing myself over that because I could do so much with that amount. I even wasted $7500 on a birthday party where I hooked up everyone. That's like $13000 down the drain for me of my savings.

Man, I was bad and would be really bad to be counted for running a business with that type of shabby spending record. The fact that I'm not in debt today and have a little bit of money of my bank account- only like $5000 again. Boy, I'm so poor and paying my parents rent of about $850 sucks. It would suck to pay rent at an apartment too. My dad wants to increase my rent to $2000 a month anytime soon. Boy, he must want to really get rid of me. I need to find some way to get rich with these certain skills I'm still developing and this is where I'm now getting serious about doing well with volatile investments that deal with exchanging money. It's the easiest access to do with people and also the hardest to master. I really like it, so all I really need to pick up on now is just consistency. This is pretty much my game plan and since I don't really have the looks, oh well, I'll just keep on living with a positive attitude and set my mind to accomplishing hard goals.

Making A Girlfriend

Okay, I think the best way to make a girlfriend is to just keep on meeting people and getting to know them. I mean I'm looking for an attractive and nice lady who happens to also like me too! It would be awesome if I could find her and be able to carry on a wonderful relationship. I'm just going to have to ask her out and take a risk of getting turned down. I mean people are getting older and I want to enjoy my life so might as well move on to the next potentially good lady I can find if a lady I tried to ask out ends up hating me right?

It's pretty much just sucking it up and feeling comfortable with meeting people and just letting it flow naturally while having fun. I'm not going to put in too much conscious effort with it now. It really doesn't hurt to try because every guy probably has to go through it anyway. I'm just trying to psych myself up to go out there and meet some more pretty ladies!

I have this whole making friends with pretty girls down now and I'm totally bored with them too. I want to now get to the stage of dating a pretty girl for reals this time. I'm going to have to bring my whole game to the table then and make myself more attractive the way I can be and stay consistent.

Pushing Through While Hoping

One of the things I can relate to back then is that I recall just losing heart after failing at something and just never really recovering for the moment. I think it really does take a lot of mental conditioning to be prepared for taking on some hardships and overcoming tough obstacles. After all, it's really about obtaining one's dreams and pursuing after it. It's amazing that even brave souls out there will be living for mainly God and not be about going after riches and just be content from leading others into His kingdom. I confess that I have been listening to a lot of the Bible while driving daily. I'm already half way through the book of 2 Samuel. Just listening to Bible passages in an orderly verse by verse manner has been sufficient for me, and it's going to be my third time with trying to listen to the whole Bible.

Something I did pick up on is that when a person is afraid then most likely the Spirit of the Lord has left him or her. I turned that into sort of a joke and messaged someone who is married to someone who created unnecessary drama with me. She replied with a thank you in a matter of minutes after receiving the message! I have been surprised lately with how a few others from my past have been responding well to me, and I didn't even expect it to go that way. It is definitely a confident booster and I'm not stopping with developing myself and becoming even a better person. It's like picturing myself in a form of competition with all those people. In a way, I have to thank them for being the way they were because it brought me to the edge and had me struggling to find answers about myself and how others view me.

Practically Living and Dreaming

From having hurled myself with a bunch of personal experiences filled with ups and downs, I consider myself lucky that I can still remember them and learn something from them. I'm no longer feeling like the little boy underneath who found everything to be so hard and intimidating. I'm pretty much desensitized to all of it happening for me.

I want to go after becoming like a world-class stud. I might as well just look for the opportunity to let myself become lucky and finally snag a beautiful girlfriend. It's pretty much about hard work, discipline, and consistency for the matter. It's also about surrounding oneself with good people and learning off of them and basically, putting in the most work from being so motivated to be the best one can be. There's also plenty of luck that needs to be involved and seriously about squeezing every drop of that gifted talent onto something when it comes to becoming successful.  

Setting Goals With Timeline

I'm going to be trying my best by setting up goals with a timeline and just never give up until I don't really want to anymore. I'm going to try to do everything that is required to find myself a girlfriend and this is also while having the disadvantage of being short at 5' 3" and knowing that the majority of ladies in this world are attracted to men taller than them- it brings a smile on my face. Will I then have to settle for chasing after a girl shorter than me? It would have been nice if I wasn't born to just feel discouraged from all of these negative thoughts attributed to being a short guy going on dates, but I'm going to have to compete. Just the other day, I was hanging out with a friend and her fiancée; when she gave me a nice, warm hug I could see the burn of jealousy and rage on her fiancée's face. She still acts the same way, even though she texts me that she thinks of me as a brother. Anyway, she does think positively of me, so I guess she does like me a bit but my feelings of interest of her really wore itself out. She did look a little physically attractive to me, and I'm realizing it's just a natural thing because my libido is having trouble keeping itself under control; I can even feel a little something for my sister sometimes too but I control myself there because I'm not an animal! It can even want to feel gay sometimes, but I know I'm not though and fully straight because I never imagine seeing myself going on further from being gay- it's just not my thing and has always been about fantasizing being with a smoking hot girl.

Overall, with all of this madness, by the end of this year, I'm going to settle in on chasing after a girl even if she ends up rejecting me and finding happiness with someone else. I might as well make the best of it for all these coming years and being the man, I believe I'm the one that's supposed to be pursuing after the attractive ladies out there and seeing if there really is a romantic and potential sexual connection in marriage with one of them while trying to initiate a conversation with them. It's hard but there's plenty of people who have been through it. I just haven't been that lucky from being born short. I just wish I was taller but I'm going to have to go about it without it. Maybe there is a hot girl but I totally think it's a needle in a haystack at this point but hey, anything is possible still and if it just adds up and feels right then it's going to click. I might as well just maximize my chances of finding a hot girl to marry in the end and she's not only going to be with good looks but also will have the personality and be willing to be a pleasing partner as well to make my life much more easy going.

Being Born With It

When I look at it, I guess the only one thing I could do is try to still make myself grow myself taller naturally through impossible means and not pay attention to anyone else saying it won't work. I don't need to talk about it with people either and only say something if it worked. I did get about 1/2 inch taller from using a grow taller method at the age of 25 which isn't bad. It looks like people just don't believe in putting enough of it because maybe it's just too shallow of a goal to begin with. It's probably going to save a lot more time to just enjoy yourself and be content with who you are.

I'm going to have to just keep on meeting more people and trying to have fun. It could just be that because I was born physically short, I'm not going to be finding that much favor with people. It's just the nature of the beast, even though there's nothing wrong about it at all. As I'm getting older and becoming more set on my ways, I must be just keeping on getting dumber with finding ways in getting a girlfriend. I think it's because I haven't been optimistic through all of the suffering that as I'm getting numb about finding someone and turning my back on the world, I'm looking for much extraordinary means to achieve things so maybe I just come across as too much of a dreamer to make some things work.

Dealing With Compromise

I have been getting physically attracted to a female friend, and I happen to like her as a person. It's just that it feels like my freedom gets sucked away because she wants to do so many things her way! It feels like this is the sacrifice I would need to make for this person. I want to get so much more people involved in our lives, but because she has social anxiety issues I'm pretty much stuck to spending time with only her and her sister mostly. I mean it's not a bad thing and her sister isn't really third-wheeling either, so it can't be that bad right hanging with two girls always?

Maybe, it's just meant to be because the activities together we end up doing are quite fun and even though I don't always feel like I'm into her, she is still pretty. More recently, I've been thinking of just trying to show a bit more affection while still being friends. I think it's cute to try with someone beautiful and still single like her. It really doesn't matter to me anymore in terms of how things will turn out for dating once I become friends with any girl. It takes work to get there for me still. I think it ends up being more like feeling sadness because she found someone right and I still haven't yet, but these are experiences to learn from if I did like her.

It could also be that mainly it's our fun thing we like to do together, and it's something she recognizes. She is ultra detail-oriented for a girl and I am nothing like that as a guy, so it's brought on some challenges of having to listen to her talk about the smallest things and keep the conversation flowing even though I don't really care sometimes. I feel like she embodies the regular woman in so many ways and it's been just us two hanging out, so I don't think it even matters where it leads to at this point of our friendship. 

Considerably Lucky

I don't think a lot of people who decide to like give me the finger and delete me as a Facebook friend are really any hot shots to begin with. My biggest fear was these people spreading something really bad about me that wasn't true and then it escalating into something horrendous. The thing is though I can handle what's true about me and then not care, but what I hate is something that's off so it can get me thinking crazy. The people they are spreading it to are not really that big with anything anyway. It might have just been a communication fail and they are just complaining about it. Despite these people out there being such jerks from being so fed up with me and wanting to go crazy as a result,  I still have friends on Facebook so my Alamo will keep on running.

I can let it go and forgive their trespasses now. I found a label to my anger issues to this and it totally is me and makes a lot of sense. It was because of them having gone stupid and crazy with me that I learned more about myself. It's like learning something about me that I would never know from just going on dates! I'm actually grateful for that and what makes it so much easier to cope with it finally is that I realize they aren't people really big with anything, so it's not something to worry about affecting me somewhere and to let the good people still hang around me all they want and to be open to others joining me in the future.

Picking Up On Things Later

It feels like the more I'm exposed to things and stressed out by them, the more I try to naturally find a way to cope with them. Let's just say it took a really long time to get over drama that wasn't serious and to even figure out what I was so mad about. I couldn't communicate properly because I didn't know what that was so those people thought I was crazy! When it comes down to it, I'm sometimes sensitive about people getting the wrong idea about me and then shutting me down because of it. If it was something I agreed with and was given enough proof for, then I would accept the circumstance. However, these people were lazy and too angry to help me get situated with what their problem was with me! It took awhile to figure out because what they were angry about doesn't really make sense to get so mad about in the first place and also, they totally labeled it all wrong. If I could only go back to those days to solve their drama with me reasonably. It's a learning experience, and I wish I could be so proficient at it but it didn't go my way that time. It's not like the apocalypse occurred anyway!

With these experiences, I'm seeing how it translates me to being more patient around my lady friends who can drive just about anyone crazy. I know two of them, but the fact, I'm hanging around with them still and seen as a good family friend now, it's amazing how I'm really appreciated by their parents too. They want me to spend the night over too and these are homes where girls run them!

Valentine's Approaching

I've recently been hit with a nasty cold that took out my voice and gave me a sore throat, along with head cramps. I believe I'm getting them because I'm over-salivating and it's dehydrating my body. I guess I just need to keep on drinking water then and taking more shorter breaks. I don't think I'm in a really crazy spot anymore, but more like being so ordinary that I'm susceptible to people behaving bad towards me if they aren't having a great day. It's just mainly from being removed as a Facebook friend, and this has been done by either guys and ladies who I'm not really that attracted to. Although I have ladies adding me back on Facebook more from liking me again.

This is really interesting because I have like a 3 to 1 guy to girl ratio in my friends list, so it can look like I'm a man's man, but not really. It's also interesting to have tried to hit on a Facebook friend and she even accepting my invitation at one point. In the end, I still don't have a girlfriend! No worries, it's not the end for me yet.

 

Ohhhh To Emphasize Deeper Meaning

Restraining oneself to not laugh over something ridiculously funny like an actual name (no lie), Babaladingdong, can actually be quite a bit of fun. It really doesn't quite get so funny each time after awhile though. I'm actually known by unrelated girls I'm close to in being funny without even trying to be. A lot of it sort of deals with me holding back personal laughter too and from having such a poker face. I used to giggle and smile randomly throughout the whole class silently and make everybody mad on a daily basis like a weirdo. It's not such a bad thing since I was young and I think I didn't really try that hard with approaching ladies and some of them were really nice in responding back to me too. Yes, it must have good times while I was under some weirdness phase of my life.

Actually, I don't really mind about people's decisions in being my friend or not anymore and respecting it now. I think it's more about communicating truthfully and this is what I have been trying to practice a lot by using writing as a tool. From letting it flow mostly unrestrained, it's been just giving me a sense of relief. I was just mad at the time about people deleting me as a friend because I felt they had the wrong idea about me and were like spreading some type of negativity with others. Maybe they really are the ones who are messed up, but at least they can all stay as messed up idiots who unfriended me for long as they want. I will have the opportunity to delete them now if they want to add me back and to humiliate them. Actually, I might take a photo for a souvenir if I'm able to finally convince only one of them to add me back and even design it with frames to save on my laptop. I'm only going to need one of them because that's all that is going to matter for me in making these personal feelings of doom and madness end for me. It would be so tight to pester that crazy girl who sits at the top of her ruined directives with me to add me back. I don't think it will really be that hard because she did say she doesn't have against me and if she says she did all along then all of it goes away, so it's like a forced chess position where she has to stay planted there. This is just the angle I need to keep on attacking pretty much and letting everyone around listen to us and get bored of it eventually.

A Short Man's Chances of Online Dating

For a short man and this is referring to being under the desired lady's preferred minimum height, he virtually has no chance of scoring a date with that pretty lady. It's like having been dealt straws which are delivered from the gene pool and the short guys just had to end up with it. There's nothing wrong at all though about being a short guy. It's funny how I was around a decent chick who is single and I'm buddies with yesterday and watching the super bowl game, she kept on blurting out impulsively to me about how Edelman looks so short but he did end up winning the MVP award. It's a win for all the short guys out there- for all those ladies who think being 5' 10 3/8" and under is short.

I don't really care- I'm 5' 3" so I know I have no shot and literally all of the girls I'm attracted to with those online dating profiles want her future partner to be at least around 5' 10" which is a normal white man's height. It would take forever to find the one online. The more open ladies will go down to 5' 6" and above but that's still not open enough for me. I could even try lying with being their minimum desired height and making it look like it's true just to trap her into a botched date but then the lady just doesn't even reply back. She probably wants the maximum in a man's height! I could have a better time approaching a pretty lady in person and shaking her hand at a peer-related event rather than spending my time online searching for a needle in a haystack. It's just not comfortable and too time consuming, so I would rather do something else. I mean it's the online world that can be treated like a shopping spree, so ladies should be picky and ruthless about what they want and ignore all the rest of the dumb short guys like me who try to chase after them online by giving them no reply back.

The fact that I'm 5' 3" and have been hit on still by a few ladies looking at my online dating profile is that I'm not attracted to those ladies. Actually there were a couple, but still it doesn't count. They were young moms and looking for a good guy and trying to hit on me for some reason, but still okay, I'm an idiot that I didn't respond back to them and they already moved on.

How it happens for a short Asian guy like me to be able to closely bond with pretty Asian ladies unrelated to me is a mystery in itself. Maybe, it's natural but I'm pretty darn sure I don't possess the short gene and won't pass it on because I really wouldn't want that to happen. Still there are even tall guys who get friend zoned by a few ladies they are interested in, but I'm just saying to illustrate something. I don't really believe a friendzone exists in reality. It's just a made up entity from being ultra-conscious about it. 

Having Fun While Being Extroverted

I've realized that from being comfortable in my shell, it's easy for me to go up to my peers gathered at an event and just introduce myself and start a small conversation. In big settings, it's not the same as having the chance to get to know someone more closer so I really appreciate those girls who have come to become really great friends with me. I don't really understand sometimes why guys complain about ladies they are into friend-zoning them. However, I was also affected by it too.

I think from just trying different things and being this outgoing guy who is going around trying to network with people, I'm starting to realize those closer friendships I've formed with ladies are special and will always have the potential to take off no matter what their current thoughts and feelings are. Those ladies I'm great friends with share a part of their lives with me, and I realize it's very meaningful and something to cherish even if there's never going to be a dating relationship and without hard feelings either.

For myself, becoming comfortable with myself took a lot of work, like for instance I'm constantly feeling like I'm bashing myself while at the same time a few people might resent me from getting moody about their situation and then unadd me on Facebook. It's not like I won't know who that person formerly was because I find out from doing something on the Internet and they happen to be there as well. I've found out that I have a high retention rate with keeping around the ladies I'm attracted to as Facebook friends, so I guess that's a good thing! There was an exception to this because she got married to a guy I was having trouble hustling and trying to figure out something that was unimportant and frustrating while I was lusting to find peace with it; so I didn't really find her to be that much interesting anymore but before, I was totally into her.

From trying to hit on a pretty cute girl who was associated with the drama I was part of, I'm not mentioning the name anymore because I still remember the post that said I won't talk about it, so it just means refraining from putting down names now. Crazy Fart Girl caused her social circle to just vomit me out of their Facebook page and made me so mad after deleting me collectively as their friend! I took that as a serious offense and wish I could sue Crazy Fart Girl and her gang for putting the wrong ideas about me in their heads but it's so stupid to worry about now. Oh yeah the cute girl didn't do anything bad to me on Facebook. She acted like she went on some type of purgatory with me. I did pretty good at flirting, but I think I was too mad to sound very sincere with her so she probably took it as a message of me trying to tease her and sounding so crazy at the same time. Since I was hitting on her from messaging her, she probably liked it but at the same time hated me from insulting her. It was probably a first time for her and I think she wisely chose to withdraw herself from the scenario. Not bad, but I can get her number now but she's probably already taken so there's no excitement in taking another man's claim. I want something new and fresh and have it all to myself- I'll go for finding a lady who fits that description and is even better than all the rest of those cute ladies put together who frustrated the heck out of me!

Meeting Attractive Girls

I think out of the social networking events I have gone to so far this week, I have been mainly going where lots of people are expected to turn out. It usually ends up in those places with half the people showing up anyway for whatever reasons and it's hard to keep track of who is going. I have probably averaged with meeting only one attractive girl each event I've been to so far, so it's not like I have been missing out with introducing myself to pretty girls.

Talking to a few ladies, when I heard them talk about their significant other, I felt a little sad underneath but then I smiled and listened while thinking on the side that I could find myself a girlfriend too and during those days, I was fixating my thoughts a little to a single friend I'm attracted to and then I just became happy because I went to those events to meet people and see what's out there. What had me going to those crowded events in the first place was to go find me some attractive ladies to meet and I realized just hearing them talk about their dating or married life is making me feel sad a little because I envy them for having someone and think happy about it at the same time.

This feeling of sadness from envying others started with feeling like I was too short. I didn't care if I met guys around my height and even shorter ladies. I only felt awkward for awhile and it was just because I envied people who were taller from reading up so much on how girls in general can be physically attracted to taller men naturally. I wanted to have a nice success rate with dating too, so I tried and failed miserably from having this mindset and chasing after foolish-minded and shallow ladies. It's like I had to prove to myself that I could convince them otherwise, but I relent now and don't feel depressed about it anyway. It still crosses my mind every once in awhile, but I just want to laugh about it and take it in as a joke now and stay self-confident.