Gen 42-45

I skipped yesterday's reading again. I must not be refraining a bit from feeling negative on myself. There's no need to skip having fellowship with the Lord, no matter how bad you feel about the situation. Ultimately, the blame would probably be stated as me having initially done something wrong to do the person. After I explain myself and the person sees that it was a bad thing to be mad at, then I think they may feel weird about it. Genesis 45:5 says, "Don't be angry with yourselves that you did this to me, for God did it." By being a man who fears God, it allows room for compassion upon those who have trespassed us. Joseph demonstrated this humility by showing love to his brothers, even though he was feeling he had all the right to be mad at them (Gen 42:25).

It's amazing how expressing deep love and aiding a person, despite them knowing they hurt you a lot, it creates a feeling of anger within their own flesh. It's like they did all this wrong to you, and you are not trying to. The principle of showing love after being wronged to a person who deliberated on it, is a timeless classic that forms a relationship with the enemy respecting the lover. I know this because my sister has deliberately hurt me by kicking and screaming so much about how she's unreasonably happy. I have talked to her about it, and when I had the chance to deride my sister, I sometimes chose not to, out of needing to be an adult.

I like how Jacob turned out to be a well-principled man as he mellowed out in the land of Cannan. His objective was to bless his enemy only to appease them for what he felt he was burdened with. His sons caused some turmoil with Jacob with the growing pains, and maybe one turned out to be a serial killer! Overall, Jacob did not always end up bickering about his problems and place pride over himself. His heart was finding ease while fearing the Lord. Gen 43:11 says "So their father, Jacob, finally said to them, 'If it can't be avoided, then at least do this. Fill your bags with the best products of the land. Take them to the man as gifts- balm, honey, spices, myrrh, pistachio nuts, and almonds.'"

Joseph also applied a test on their brothers to remind them what they put him through. By putting them in prison, he was implicitly stating that he suffered. In our walk, we don't always have to be confrontational in our actions through our struggles. I think it's really good to let them know what they did and in a good way. For me right now, it's about communication and not always dwelling in the past frustration. I think bringing it up to talk about it is as mature as one could be. Right now, I'm dealing with a lot of frustrations in insecure people. They seem to have this persona of being someone to rely on and then they assume I went through the motion of trying to write them off in secret. The frustration may be from feeling disrespected from not knowing what I have said to them. This is seriously a sign for me to communicate more with people and let them know what I was up to.

I think it's never over to let God forgive you when you have done someone seriously wrong. You don't have to be mad at yourself and end up punishing yourself. Allow God to walk into your heart and to bring you up in humble confidence. God's son offers to save us from the burning fires of hell. (John 3:16)