Utilizing Time Properly

Currently with maintaining my swing trades, I need to check up on it three times a day. It's once in the morning, afternoon, and evening. It's like I could do it after breakfast, lunch, and dinner! It even doesn't take me that long either, so would probably be like the perfect job routine after not having to work at an office full-time.

I don't think there's really a need for me to finish up my online software engineering classes that are picking up dust. I could dwell more deeper into it if I have to if I can't work at the same office for backup. For the time being, I'm just going to try being a good and hardworking man to maintain job security, until my wealth builds up. I'm trying to obtain it as fast as I can to reach my goal of early retirement now. This way, I won't ever have to touch my online classes if I don't want to anymore. 

To top it off for balance, I'll just focus on my personal health by working out properly and cooking smart. This is pretty much going to become my normal routine. 

Dealing With Getting Things Done

I'm noticing for myself that my mind likes to slow down an hour or two after eating dinner. I do like to wake up really early to go to work as well. So far, listening to this relaxing music has been helpful with keeping me awake and energetic. It's a little odd in that it's probably supposed to get you to want to sleep.

Anyway, for the time being, it's been working for me so I might as well keep at it. I guess since I'm lucky to have a cushy software engineering job that I perform decently at and able to put some of my savings into stocks, I might as well just continue with it because it seems to be working for me. 

Along with this, I want to workout and try out some fast, healthy, and delicious cooking recipes. This is probably how I want to spend my evenings. I want to be successful at making myself wealthy, so I can have a nice problem of figuring out the right things to do to keep myself from getting too bored. 

Focusing on Long Term Goals

I think it really helps a lot to write it out in the first place. I want to focus on building lots of wealth and then have free time to do whatever while also being able to donate to good churches and organizations that don't really benefit the leaders most. I have been looking at the noted salaries for some non-profit organizations and I don't like how a decent chunk of the whole pie is going to the CEO and head directors. I think I'll try to avoid those, just because I prefer non-profits putting more of that money into the main cause it was formed.

I do understand that the Pastors and workers of a good church should be compensated at least decently, so I really don't mind in that case to keep their ministry going as long as I have assurance they are continuing to do God's work. 

Along with having plenty of money to never have to worry about working at a boring office and waking up during a set schedule, I want to also focus on my spiritual and physical health. My mentality is doing well because I feel great most of the time. I'm also open to starting a family or at least having a good wife to enjoy a lot of that good stuff which goes along with marriage! 

Doing the Best Things With an Open Mind

Honestly, I'm really the type who likes to go out there and have fun while riding it out with positivity even when things seem a little down. I seem to just be in a jovial mood pretty consistently. 

While keeping this attitude, I think I can get my less exciting routines out of the way more easily. It seems like I've just found acceptance and some soulful purpose with a highly confident and intuitive mind. 

My goal is really to make a lot of money and then retire from doing a regular job as soon as possible. In order to get here, I really need some job security and enough time. I would like to switch over to being a trader and investor who doesn't need to spend that much time daily on it. This way, I could be anywhere in the world that has Wifi or even allows Internet via satellite connection.

Making More Adjustments

It looks like I'm able to stay awake longer if I play this music to help me relax after eating dinner. I just want to brush my teeth a second time and also take a shower before knocking out. 

I guess it's going to be little by little and eventually getting to doing everything I have in mind doing with so little time in the evenings to do them. It's definitely neat with what I'm trying to do lately and pretty much in control of myself now. I don't feel like I'm in any rush to perform at an exceedingly high level to easily cause room for error and panic attacks. 

Oh I get it now. I was just having trouble understanding myself while dealing with this one idiot back then! He wasn't all that smart and couldn't keep his body in shape enough like I did. Actually, I think I could literally have fun again if I went back to visit that old crew and enjoyed the new scenery, but it's now time for me to move on. 

Dealing With Falling Asleep

It looks like I'm starting to lose the will to stay awake after 8 pm. I do wake up early at around 4:30 am though, so I'm getting my eight hours of rest naturally. I thought that drinking caffeinated tea would help me stay up right after eating dinner but that didn't work for me. I'm going to have to come up with a different plan of attack.

The good thing about going to bed this early is that I have enough energy to fuel me through my work day. I also have noticed that my metabolism is working and I've shaved off almost five pounds already after checking in ten pounds overweight this week. 

I do want to stay up to finish a couple more ambitious things and wonder what I would have to sacrifice. I guess it's where you will have to tune in and find out later! 

Keeping It Up

It looks like I'm maintaining things okay, and I do also have a nice friend who I'm interested in possibly setting down with. She just makes sense to me personally. I don't really know what her religion is, but it looks like she doesn't really follow any practice and seems quite open-minded or tolerant to different types of faiths. I guess I can't really force her to be a good church girl in other words, but maybe my faith will shine to her someday. 

I just want to keep all of this natural without forcing anything to happen. I don't want to be selfish and just be confident while going with the flow. For the most part, I am very attracted to her and feel comfortable with being myself around her. 

Making Adjustments

For my list of daily endeavors, I have decided to place cooking on the bottom of my list, since it looks like I will have time for it only on the weekends. My daily things are to invest and trade, work out, and conduct good hygiene. 

I have noticed that I'm giving over to falling asleep when I'm not ready to. I'm going to drink a cup of tea or coffee after dinner then to help keep myself awake. This is pretty much what I'm going to implement for now and will see how this goes. 

Entering New and Improved Territory

I guess my lady friend is someone who I really care to listen to and she talks about things like how I should work out and be in great health with tips that she applies herself in a daily fashion. I'm really grateful for her and it's possible we were born to be a cute couple and even our physical appearances while around each other can make a good argument. 

I think I really pride in myself with how I was able to listen to and apply some great advice without having to pay to go see any invasive therapist! It helps that I have been writing these posts like a journal all these years to examine all the nonsense and pretenses I have been putting up to attempt to understand myself in greater detail. This is really nice to have, and I think I'm that unique guy out there who will be posting this kind of personal material for the rest of his life until he can't function properly anymore! 

Awesome Outlet

To be honest, I'm very grateful for having put this blog site up about ten years ago and for it to still be running without requiring much maintenance. It was just done out of an impulsive desire to express myself. Over the years, I was so reliant on people's feedback and getting approval from them that the little strides I was making while being stressed out didn't seem like it amounted to anything. I was really selfish about wanting approval from everyone, so I think I was definitely a great candidate for getting therapy just that I didn't know what I was doing and not really getting into people's faces to generate enough legal threats.

Well, I had a couple botched restraining orders placed on me by idiots. It's weird because they responded to me not in a bad manner the next time I saw them and also they lost their court case, so they are forced to move on and realize that I'm not that bad of a person to begin with! It's funny how people can be so insulting and so stupid while they are angry about something that doesn't deal with them. Looking back on it, they seriously should consider a few therapist sessions.  

The way I'm able to gain encouragement from these posts is really just seeing a number go up without my direct influence. It doesn't matter who or what thing caused it. This is the beauty of my flexible self-confidence. I'm expressing myself confidently and sometimes in a more daring fashion but I haven't been turned over to the Feds nor have I faced any serious repercussions about having to defend my freedom of speech.

I'm basically a pretty gentle and decent dude writing about my experiences. I'm making fun of the people who hurt me in an honest fashion though, while willing to be forgiving towards them. Actually, my secret that's so difficult to master is that no matter how mad I feel sometimes, I'm willing to have a forgiving attitude with these people even though I end up trying to ridicule them for really good laughs and to feel great about myself temporarily. 

Keeping Things in Rhythm

Basically, my life is currently revolved around making enough money and getting my own single family house now. I'd like to move out of my parent's house now besides just paying them some rent each month that they don't need from me. After doing this, it's time to go out there confidently and get myself married! 

There is a good lady friend who is back to being single again and is so high maintenance that her past exes could never really turn her into a baby mama. I have no problems keeping up with her, and it's also not any competition since she's so direct with me about wanting me to do well with her. I think we share some good natural chemistry, and I'm totally comfortable about us being committed to each other in a serious relationship. I'm not really rushing it with her because I would rather just be sure about it, along with coming to a subtle understanding with myself on the other single ladies I'm interested in going out with.

For the time being, it's a lot of fun texting and hanging out with my good lady friend. She's such a really good one that I can't believe her exes totally screwed up and ended up hurting her to the point of making her break up! She manages to be on decent terms with all of them though and the last one isn't really a jealous type, so I think the next person will be safe to partner up with her. Maybe, it will be me and I'm saying this with a ton of confidence underneath and without any nonsense. 

How I Want to Make Money

I have finally figured out how I want to keep on making money until I'm rich enough. For my day job, I can't really see myself as anything but a software engineer now. I'm fortunate that it's important enough of a job to always have plenty of openings with a good enough salary to work with. Of course, the top companies will pay top dollar while just being an employee. 

In my free time, I want to keep on expanding my skill set with being a software developer and eventually work on a few side projects for fun. This way, I get to stay sharp and build up my personal portfolio of completed projects. 

To earn additional money, I'm going to keep on investing in stocks and trading currencies. I see myself transitioning into doing this while adopting a swing trade and investing style. I won't have to continuously monitor the market to turn a quick buck and just let the market cycles do their thing even through my retirement. 

The only thing I'm seriously leaving behind now with making money is playing Poker. This will still remain as one of my options for killing time though.  

Personal Plan to Make Money

At the time of writing this I have now about $13.5K worth of stocks invested, $1.6K on my Forex trading account, $10K in cash, $35K of retirement money, and another $275K from sharing home equity with a sibling. This leaves me a total of only $335,100. It isn't too bad and about a third of the way completed now with becoming a millionaire! 

The good thing is that I'm still single so I have time to keep on working myself and have fun dating or hanging out with a few single ladies I'm interested in. I'm also looking forward to selling the old home and owning a new property on my own. 

I have become a lifetime member of a good investment group that deals with the stock market in a conservative fashion. Their fee has already been covered for from investing in stocks for only a few months! It's amazing how elite their investment portfolios are in comparison to other successful ones. I'm low mid-entry with them right now because they do offer VIP services which I will be ready for in the near future. 

For the time being, instead of purchasing more services, I would rather save money and let it compound to a big amount from investing which will take care of the rest of my expenses l will need later on. I am an investor of the stock market, a swing trader of the Forex market while testing my formula, and paper trading the cryptocurrency market. 

To gather enough funds for daily expenses and recurring investments, I am working as a programmer and have been enjoying all the software engineering aspects of it. I also have a few high-level online certification programs that I still need to complete, which I will get to as time permits. This is pretty much an overview of how I'm currently building my wealth. I am not doing such a bad job at it either! 

Staying on Target

I have a few simple main goals in mind which is obtaining a liquidated net worth of million dollars, getting married, and obtaining a six pack while being healthy. I still consider all of this to be just average! I'm perfectly fine with blending in with civilization for the rest of my life. I don't need to be a well-known person nor make a huge difference to a lot of people. I don't even think I have the mental make-up for it anymore. Plus, I'm just a happy and confident man underneath it all. This being said, how I live my life in detail is a whole nother story.

I would like to retire soon as possible while being a successful trader and investor. On the side, until I get there I want to work out, cook, and be the best programmer I can be. Poker has had its hits and misses for me but now I'm frankly ready to bow out of taking it seriously. I guess the only use I have for it is when I can kill time while being at a waiting hall and have some reception. This appears to be the best convenient spot for me then. 

I think missing out of having fun at watching anime isn't going to kill me in general. I guess it's time to adjust accordingly again. 

Being Consistent and Patience

I'm starting to enjoy staying relaxed and not stressing myself out while trying to go after some endeavors. I should have done this a long time ago, but parents influenced me as two opposing forces going at it with each other. Observing it, I was practically a kid who was forcing himself to do well at school and be a model citizen all the time. I was quite good at it and even well-liked by my classmates.

It's weird but I ended up becoming weird from falling into a deep addictive cycle of burying myself into entertainment and not being able to manage my priorities that well. It would just constantly fill me up with guilt. I still enjoyed doing it but I would feel guilty and sometimes just completely empty and disillusioned about what I got myself into. 

Okay, I was definitely a candidate for going to see a therapist but I couldn't open myself up enough like I'm able to now and not feel that guilty. My mom thinks a person should hide all the negative things he or she possesses from the public and only be yourself around family members. This never did fly really well with me since I was willing to make myself into a sponge and find the right mentor but that never ended up happening for me. 

My parents put themselves in a bad spot and just took care of their finances that could have been carried out in a less riskier fashion. I think it's more common than one can think though, and I consider myself to be lucky to have parents who stuck together even through all the bad fights and get lucky with making a living on their own while not having known enough things. 

Getting to What I Want to Focus On

Last year was really special because I managed to let my idiotic past with Crazy Lee go. I totally forgive her and she has the right to read this post and feel like I'm cursing her out instead and then go off like she should go see a therapist! 

I wrote this yesterday and don't really know what type of mood I was in, but maybe it will remind me of the good times later. Moving on.

I guess a great theme for this year is about just letting the past go and working towards being able to retire young and rich. I also want to live a very healthy lifestyle and pick up on a wife. There are three girls for me that I'm interested in choosing from right now. 

I spend the most time with the one I'm good friends with obviously. I could really see us getting really close to the point that we could even move in together if we wanted to. I do love her already as a person. I'm thinking that she could really be the one for me unless she ends up meeting someone else and then writes me off by calling me her brother! It is what it is. I don't really mind if that ends up happening to be honest since our friendship is so good already. 

For the time being, I love trying to be affectionate with her by initiating hugs and she doesn't mind. She still likes me! This is starting to feel really normal with having considerable thoughts of settling down with her and starting a family. I do like how I feel a lot of passion when I'm around her a lot. Just maybe, this could turn into something romantic and life-long happiness. 

Endeavors to Consider This Year

It looks like I have two new girls to consider choosing and getting married to. With one of them, we're really good pals and experience great chemistry often. Still, I can tell that we both put in quite a bit of effort for each other but we still have fun! She's a good person and since she's been opening up about herself more, I'm finding out everything I never knew about her before.

For the other, I haven't met her yet and am being set up to meet her someday. She's someone I would have to fly out to go meet, so a long distance relationship of that magnitude will be interesting to try working out if we end up both liking each other. 

Honestly, attractive appearances don't matter so much to me anymore because I just need to be the mood for being extra loving. I mean it can also fuel me a little harder if I'm really physically attracted to her. I'm just taking that side of things not too seriously anymore and hope it will just work out in the end. I'm a pretty nice person but the smart side of me is that I like to play safe and hold back a lot while not having too much trouble with moving on if I have to. 

I guess with the lady who is my good friend, I like to treat her well and try to flirt like a gentleman for fun sometimes. I try to do it in good humor, and she doesn't seem to mind at all so much when I do. Once in a while, my compliments can be like home runs to her but I'm still working at seeing if I'm going to be taking the next step with her. It's something I have in mind with possibly trying out with once I have my own home and finances figured out. 

I'm totally in the process of buying a new home and moving while increasing my wealth through investing this year. 

Entering Dumb Feelings of Victory Lane

I picture myself now being a winner of this stupid feud I had with Crazy Lee! Man, this victory is so worthless and feels like a waste of time to have invested myself so much into it. Yet, it also feels very entertaining like having watched a very riveting episode of some drama/action series. 

Basically I wasted my time putting in all this effort so I could feel good about myself. How about that? It still feels great, but the chunky mess of not gaining much value out of it still leaves room for improvement with how I should decide to manage my time. Moving forward now! Onward with moving on and treating Crazy Lee like she's become some insignificant piece of statistical data. At the same time, I still feel good though! 

Getting Back into Rhythm

It's pretty crazy how I was able to manage writing last year and then was able to afford taking a few weeks off without having to worry about falling behind in posting something onto my blog daily. I just came back from vacation folks and am writing this post on January 5th of this year. I also visited this site and read the post I put up for that day. It's funny how it still syncs together! I'm flowing man.

I can confidently state that out of all the bloggers on this site who profess to be a computer scientist, I am the only one who literally averaged one post a day last year! It's not that surprising either that I ended up with the most posts too. I'm number one at doing that right now anyway. This is my ridiculous self-professed title on this blog which probably doesn't even carry that much weight either. 

I'm also managing to keep this anonymous and have probably been up to this point, a soft PG-13 type writer at the worst all these years. I still like to exercise some discipline with the choice of my rowdy words even when I go off and make fun of people like Crazy Lee behind her back to let off some steam occasionally. Technically, it wouldn't be since she has access to read this site but that crazy lady is forced to turn a blind eye with me because she screwed up so badly with me already. She should also go see a therapist! 

Making Adjustments

I think I need to just lay off of my personal entertainment period until I have all my other important things taken care of first. It's been hard to lay off of something so enticing like watching a competitive NBA game to start their season. I guess I'm a fan of the Lakers but can't let it get to me too much right now because I have bigger plans.

Also, I would like to work on putting in bedtime hygiene consistently while putting in a regular workout and fast cooking session. The last thing I want to do now is work on gaining more experience with programming besides just procrastinating at it. I would like to bank more while using this passion. I do have investments that are growing consistently these days, so I don't have to get too serious about doing more side projects with programming. I also have only time during the weekend or holidays to play a little online Poker for real money. I do have one billion play chips and ranked no worse than 100 out of like 100,000 active players. This is something I like to do for killing time sometimes. 

Things to Work On

Basically, I think the last thing on my mind should really be playing and doing things that I hold important in my life. If I just didn't have time to get to it, then I should just save it for another time. I'm not really going to miss out on much. The only time that this will become a much higher priority is if I'm participating in it with someone.  

The main practical things I have on my mind is making lots of money, working out, and cooking. I would like to be dedicated to these things and also make time for being with friends or going on dates. The biggest thing I'm such a sucker for right now is watching anime. I might as well save it for last after I have attempted to do other things.

To make more money, I'm finding myself interested in improving myself as a software engineer. This is something I'm going to have to incorporate better. Making time for people or friends by going out to meet them is also very important to me. 

Utilizing Personal Time Properly

Honestly, I don't think I really have time to fuss around so much during the weekends anymore. I should really be engaged in having fun while doing something that's productive. This would make such an awesome hobby. I guess watching TV episodes would really be a waste of time after doing it for a while, even though there are so many who are entertained by it. 

I don't really want to live such an empty life anymore so this is where my confidence building has really played a large role for me. I want to do things that are fun and keep it honest. I really need to catch up and have fun with things in life while keeping at it with doing the more important things. 

I think moving out on my own is really going to be beneficial for me now. I want to add in a disciple of cooking and exercising regularly as well. I think the whole making money thing while investing has been an ingenious move for me to not feel any guilt at all with doing these side things for fulfillment. 

Mapping It Out to be Happy

Basically, I don't want to really feel like I'm wasting my time anymore. Having tons of fun doing something while reaping some benefits is something I will never get tired of. I think my main mode of being stupid with entertainment is really just trying to check out girls online sometimes. 

Honestly, I don't think a girl's appearance really matters all that much to me now. If the spark is there, then I'm just interested in dating her regardless of how she looks sometimes because I'll be constantly reminded of it. I don't think being a short man really matters all that much either, as long as you are doing well with yourself and have something that the girl really likes you about. 

Being short and trying to stay alpha is rather tough though. It's also unique and you are probably not going to find too many short guys who are successful. I mean this is why you can just look for a humble girl who happens to be really hot. Meeting one will probably seem more obvious if they already heard good things about you and like what you've accomplished. 

Starting to Feel Normal

Going out with a good friend who is now single and for the most part straight, I think it's natural and nothing abnormal about getting together. Based upon what another friend said, we look like a cute couple. It doesn't really bother me either. It's been a lot of fun and I've been picking up on some things that I could use to improve myself upon. I don't mind constructive criticism so much anymore and can honestly get a nice laugh out of it. 

There are a lot of smart people out there for sure and also talented while hardworking, but only a few get recognized as the best. I'm not looking to be there at all among the billions of people on the planet. I don't want to let my level of competitiveness get too much to me anymore. I've learned it didn't serve me well because I got lost with myself from playing silly multiplayer games and trying to outdo better players all the time. It was practically impossible to make enough money off of it in time.

I've made a lot of personal adjustments over the past years and find that I prefer to be chill and brag about the epic, fun stuff I've been doing every once in a while. 

Working With What Happened Yesterday

I've tried to use G-rated innuendos and failed every time. For this post today, it might still not be any different. Yet, I can't really write the details that I want to talk about on this blog because it might really be disrespectful to women in general as a whole. Maybe if I had an actual diary, so I'm not entirely dumb and will limit my naughty comments to mainly about Crazy Lee who is a girl and way out there for me. 

Yet this post isn't about Crazy Lee and I'm already laughing so it did its job. 

I'm really starting to admire women of all shapes and sizes at a specific region of her body. It used to have to look one way, but now I'm actually feeling an interest for all appearances! 

I think my way of loving the lucky woman I get to be lucky to marry would be to make her feel a lot of pleasure and try to do that on a regular basis as long as I'm not tired. This is sounding pretty G-rated to me and may actually pass for a Disney flick if there's enough appropriate animation to go with it!

Prioritizing Better

What's on my mind is that I prefer to be less hands on if possible, so basically the lazy approach while living through the ups and downs without much change in emotion. This could be too worrisome for some people, but I'm just learning to cut my losses and let the good times keep on riding! 

Last night, I ran into a fairly long session of online Poker so it gets quite fickle with the subject of making profit and does involve some gambling. These Poker hands can get pretty intense and the players are crafty with sometimes risking it big too. It's always a pleasure to catch them bluffing and a pain to be discovered trying to do it to others. At the same time, they can run away with a huge profit from making a better hand and betting so big! 

I just don't like playing a session that could take up longer than an hour on work nights. I was playing a fast fold Poker table which instantly connects you to another pool of players and starts a new hand after folding or winning one. I was expecting to get in thirty minutes of action to reach my goal of making profit. This is probably what did me in because it took at least twice as long than it usually does for me. I was trying to play routinely because I ran into some consistency. 

Again, I hit a slight rough patch but my strategy hasn't totally changed. I'm accepting all the near misses and playing most of the hands appropriately, so I should be making a profit theoretically in the long run. Maybe my goal with the time I'm willing to spend at it isn't nearly feasible enough right now.

I'm going to have to lay off of Poker and find something else to do on regular evenings in an effective and satisfying manner. I will probably have the most free time on the weekends so I'll leave it to playing then with however much I can. 

Making Best Use of My Time

Currently, my software engineering job is pretty cushy since I'm the only one doing it at my company. I'm fairly knowledgeable about it too, but I don't think it's going to last forever. Because this is really taking up a lot of my time, I don't think I can efficiently dabble on other side projects at the moment without it getting in the way of my other interests. 

Maybe, if there's a moment that I have to relocate somewhere else because something happened at work and it's just not cutting out for me then I'll be stepping up to the plate with finishing my advanced studies as it gets appropriate. It's pretty much in digital storage and I know that I have a wealth of clean information to sort through that will give me better than my money's worth once I complete them.

I'm pretty much shifting my focus on investing and the source of its capital is coming from being a software engineer. I have to come to love this job, along with its up and down experiences!

The Contained Secret

It's really not a secret because I used to be a totally lost shell and very shy around everyone. I think this put off a lot of acquaintances because they thought I was going to probably end up better off than them anyway while being a totally likable person. In other words, I was dealing with jealousy and I don't care.

What acts like a secret is that I personally don't care how I felt about what was going wrong inside their tiny heads with a circumference that is comparable in size to a specific appendage that a man uses often to relieve himself! It's been put in writing so it's more obvious with what I'm saying but through hearing, it will make you go "What?"

When I'm talking and writing, I have to change up styles for each one specifically. From messing up all the time, I speak in that manner too and mess up on my grammar and vocabulary all the time because I'm thinking too far ahead sometimes. I don't care that it makes me look stupid sometimes.

My little secret is that I just don't care. 

Ready to Get Blank Stares

I'm already imagining it in my head and don't expect a few people to give their hearts to me right away when I ask them to. At least I'll be happy to work at getting them to shut up about sharing their thoughts with me on how to live life. They totally suck at it!

There's really no strategy but I just feel that by telling them that I don't really care about having them as a Facebook friend but asking them to do it anyways will do them in and make them just completely stop talking to me. They could feel really annoyed about it, but I could misguide their negative emotions back to their faults! This is probably what will make them shut up completely with me. I don't mind anymore with this happening!

It's pretty much about just parading over them like a buffoon and getting a rise out of it. It's just another daily life of living like a rambunctious idiot. In the end, all this stuff just cracks me up and I don't really care to bother them anyway if they end up putting a restraining order. I'll let them know this too and tell them that I will show up to court to just talk about all their negative points that I personally see and how I don't really care about how they live their life already. Besides, I already have a restraining order that was "Dismissed with prejudice"!

I dominate them already in this field of writing and it's about to go into talk mode with them too since I don't care anymore! 

Moving on With a Clean Slate of Mind

I guess it's really hard to put into words, but from just not caring about considering the past anymore, it's made living quite a bit easier. I think it got here from doing a lot of self-reflecting and going through so many repeats of emotional ups and downs. I mean I was finally able to pinpoint what I truly wanted from analyzing the same dumb details that bugged me for the last decade. 

I guess I really could have sought after a therapist to speed things up, but from knowing myself, I prefer to figure it out on my own for that lasting satisfaction from finally getting something. I'm just thankful to like the Holy Spirit and the Bible with having been there to help pick up my downcast soul. 

Things feel unbelievably happier underneath for me. This sensation is so wonderful that I don't really mind taking my time at getting to know my future wife. Simply put, I just stopped caring about thinking what went wrong once I came up with a good conclusion and figuring out what I was trying to do at the time. I was totally a lost shell and causing others to selfishly push me away from not wanting to talk about something. I don't really care anymore and don't mind getting to the point now.

Basically, if they don't like me as a person then I'm ready to accept it while not caring about their judgement or attitude towards me. I can then move on after hearing this from them. They are the ones who have the sinful or selfish attitude and not me, because I don't mind working at it with them and carrying a friendly relationship since I truly don't care what's going on wrong inside their little heads! 

I have come to accept that I am more open about being forgiving, no matter what happened, even though circumstances may strain the relationship. Others might not be able to from having issues they don't want to sort out. I'm cool with putting myself on that high chair and then moving on while being successful towards reaching my goals. 

Practicing the Right Type of Thinking

Throughout the day, I find myself with small relapses from randomly recalling a few stressful memories that have been implanted. These are practically things I'm ashamed of or angry with myself about. It's feeling like how could I let someone do this to me! 

During these moments of the day and if I'm around nobody except myself, I start swearing out loud and go like forget this person in a much more messed up way of saying it. I've even let my tongue accidentally curse the name of the Lord several times even though I recant those instantly. I'm just choosing to reveal a couple weird sins about myself. 

More often than not, I might actually still be a much more relatable person. It's just that I used to have trouble communicating from lacking confidence and preferred to beat around the bush. I still don't regret having made those errors and finding out who I drove crazy because of it! 

Practically to get over all these hurdles right now, I just think about how I don't really care. I mean truly, I don't care! It's all good and forgiven now because I just don't care anymore.