Realizing Important Relationships

I realize that my feelings about being with a girl only really confirms my orientation with wanting to be intimate with them while getting married and then to let the rest of the fun things develop. What's been so important for me to know is that physical appearances don't really matter to me anymore. 

I'm only interested in the relationship itself. With all of the few good friendships I have with ladies, I have felt tempted to want to womanize each of them but I have held back those thoughts for good reasons. 

I have put a lot of effort into not getting carried away with it and now it's paying off with seeing the true side of my relationships as a fully capable and more mature guy. The initial tempting thoughts are just because it's in my instinctual personality to want to have fun like that with women in general. However, it isn't worth it enough for me because of my faith in Christ! 

It's crazy that my belief in having a relationship with God through Jesus has really shaped a lot of my main decisions all this time! 

The understanding I have gained is that beyond that temptation of lust with decent and close female friends, I see most of them still only as friends. The good thing about all of this is that I have already grown close with a soulmate! Her looks aren't the sharpest anymore but it never should have mattered to me to begin with.

She has sort of been bad of late as a person, but it still doesn't matter to me obviously. Another crazy thing about my relationship with her is that I don't believe in being with her even though I have feelings for her. It's because with all the partners she's ever had, I believe she was supposed to settle down with one of them. I'm holding her accountable for her personal choices forever! Because of all the negative results and stress she's built up for herself, she's a pretty bitter and enraged woman right now who I think should still consult a well-trained therapist. Maybe I can also provide some comforting words for her and help her out to receive the best for her happiness without compromising my own.

Focusing on Most Important Things

I guess for myself it's really trying to make some money on the side, read something, and go work out. For a side thing, I want to have awesome hygiene and time management while being committed to focusing on boring tasks. 

Listening to the Bible is hard for me, but I'm trying to stay focused. I want to be the best I can be and do something well while being successful at trading and investing now. I don't really need anything else now for earning a living. 

Creating a Better Outcome for Myself

I'm starting to understand that this mentality of taking necessary risks that I can afford to get to where I want to be is starting to take root. I can still be happy regardless if things don't end up the way I would have liked them to because it's just all in the mindset. Plus, I'm a true believer of Christ, so I feel protected even under the circumstances that I find myself facing a fearful death. Hopefully, it never happens and I will do all I can in my power to prevent such a personal travesty but if it happens then hypothetically, I'm ready to go meet Jesus. 

I really need to do the best I can now and to focus on doing a great job besides just sitting around trying to play a game of making money when I really should be focusing. 

Realizing My Trading Style

Ideally as a trader, I want to hang on to my profitable trades reasonably as long as possible so I feel comfortable trading on the 4-Hour chart as my main timeframe. I can be a day trader or short term swing trader now. With stocks, I'm definitely an investor and for crypto, I'm more of a long term swing trader. 

It's finally come to my attention that I'm looking for a decent position that lines up with my indicators in a simple fashion. I'm not trying to go really fancy and only want something that works for me while doesn't take me too much effort. I'm definitely finding myself spending more time on getting better at it and feel confident that I will be reaching my cusp of greatness soon. I can totally taste it.

Building Wealth Patiently

I'm really doing the best I can right now and it looks like it's a lot of waiting while trying to acquire plenty of knowledge that I can be comfortable running with while learning from my mistakes. I don't really feel bad about making mistakes now and see myself trying to learn from them and just constantly trying until I get there. 

It's going to be only a matter of time before I get really good at what I want to be doing. 

Visiting My Beliefs Again With a Soulmate

Last year, I kept on mentioning in a coy way that I felt like I was stuck with only one soulmate as a compromise. There's nothing wrong about it because I learned what works for me in addressing this heart situation for myself. I need to first block out all those feelings of wanting to just have some fun from hooking up while looking at it from only the surface level. 

There have mainly been two good female friends of mine and naturally I do feel this way but I know that it's because I am tempted with having these feelings of wanting to just womanize. I've been holding back on these urges all this time and not even succeeding from the getgo because I was just too shy to make any attempts about lacking some manhood from not feeling validated enough! 

I was just thinking too superficially about everything for a while. I've finally learned to cut it out.

By taking out those lustful feelings of womanizing and considering how I feel about my soulmate, she legitimately is a soulmate of mine! In contrast with another good female friend who I have these similar tempted thoughts, I don't feel that way with her. She's still not good enough for me! 

What makes things more interesting now is that I literally do have a soulmate and it's with no doubt on my end that I don't need to boast about it to the world. I am humbled by it because I do believe that I'm never supposed to date or be married to this soulmate. I think there's practically another soulmate out there for me to marry. In fact, I think it can be potentially any woman at the right stage of their life and is still single!  

Definite Possibilities

From losing a little bit of money at any period, I don't feel discouraged at all when it deals with investing and trading. I always feel like I'm still in it and desire to keep on getting better at it while making it something I can make myself very comfortable at for earning a living.

I have found my niche now for earning a living and so far, it feels good to be back on the rise again while learning to keep everything so simple especially after everything unwraps itself so I can make adjustments with my experience and keep on shaping a successful model from just learning by continually doing what just works for me! 

Simple Formula to Success

There's two good quotes that I can relate to. One is by Bruce Lee who says to learn from others anything that's useful, leave out things that are useless, and add to it with anything you want. The other one is by Bobby Flay who says that the simple formula to success is to take risks, learn from your mistakes, and keep on trying until you become successful. 

The thing that I want to add in detail to those two wonderful paraphrased quotes is to risk only what you can afford to lose, especially when it comes to learning to make money from trading and investing. 

I did run up my trades on double time this month so I'm taking a loss of twice as much of what I usually lose- $100. It's not a big problem for me. I think it becomes a problem when you get sick of losing and start dreading the feelings of not winning. This probably means that your subconscious is saying that it might not be the right fit for you. 

To lose significantly much less after putting in so much effort with a game of Poker, I start having those negative emotions of wanting to quit. However, with trading and investing in stocks, Forex, and Bitcoin; I don't feel those things and want to keep on moving forward to keep on getting better for next time while focusing on recouping my losses. 

I've found my cup of tea for making a living. This is going to be my one man business and I will get to be my own boss while holding on to a peace of mind. 

Becoming Better Focused

I think to be better focused, it just comes down to one step. It's simplifying the process! 

By simplifying things, it just makes things so much easier and leaves room to accomplish more desired tasks. I'm now looking to just be myself intuitively while blocking out all the unnecessary bad thoughts. Even my communication has started to feel less forced and more smoothed out. 

There's really no worries. I believe that it's okay to argue what you are doing isn't wrong and isn't that big of a deal, if it's a problem to others. From there, I guess if it ends up hitting me pretty hard then I can change for the better. 

Understanding What to Look For

I now know for relationships that my preferences are not in the physical appearance anymore because I think I can grow to accept being with any lady based on how they appear. I can basically get into that kind of intimate mood very easily whenever I desire, even if my heart is not fully into it. 

It's really about finding someone who I experience that physical chemistry with from just talking to them and knowing that it's appropriate to move forward. I personally like quality time spent together while being with someone who is decent enough and likes the idea of doing it enough times for enjoyment in marriage. I just have to feel like she's the right person for me. Physical appearance doesn't matter to me anymore and even a soulmate doesn't have the ideal body I grew up idealizing. 

Adding Another Task

Yesterday, I managed to read a little bit of the book I'm currently working on along with doing some trade management. 

I would like to finish reading a full chapter this time. 

I think I'm going to just keep on building routine steps one at a time, until I'm able to multitask at once. We all have to start somewhere. 

Working on New Things

Looks like I'm going to be going after making my main money with learning to effectively and conveniently swing trade Forex while investing in Bitcoin. Once I can get a comfortable portfolio going, I plan to buy the top tier membership for an investing group that I am happy to be a part of and take advantage of it. 

I honestly don't really care about physical appearances anymore when it comes to finding my future wife. I only want to look at being physically attracted to her from having the right kind of chemistry via talking to her. 

I do have a soulmate, but now I believe there could be another soulmate out there for me, but someone I can marry. The current one I know is no longer the person I was really into. Still, I'm not taking anything away from her. I'll be coming around to be good friends with her again someday. 

Keeping Myself Occupied

I think what's important is to just do my best and stay occupied with doing a good job while reaching for my dreams. Mental health is very important so I'm pretty much stoic for the most part. 

I'm trying to no longer think with a shallow mindset while accepting things and sticking to my personal beliefs. I guess work could be about helping me gain money to invest and make myself wealthy. This is something I can say that I did on my own once I reach it someday while experiencing a lifestyle that I've always dreamed of. 

It's really important to have this flexible mindset while being willing to adapt and let the past go to focus on what you can do in the present while being the best you can be. 

Keeping Things Simple

I want to get the bare necessities done to get the ball rolling, but if I'm going to retire for the night then I won't hesitate doing so. From taking a personality test, it says that I'm messed up in a few areas with being a weakness. I don't really mind then I guess because it's good to be aware of it even though I don't know what it really is yet. 

I want to just work on trading a little, reading a little, working out a little bit, and getting my hygiene in order before doing anything else when I'm home after being done with dinner. I have been spending my time on my phone looking at other things, so I would like to hold off on doing this today.  

Interesting Change of Events

I'm interested in having a traditional marriage and possibly raising any number of kids and open to even adopting any if we can get to it. 

The thing is though that I don't really care about what I see on the outside anymore. I don't even care if she's very fat and others consider her to be ugly and not good looking enough for me or vice versa. 

I'm only interested in falling in love with the woman on the inside. 

I want to establish this connection by just talking to her and experiencing romantic chemistry. I also preferably want to be with someone who doesn't really care about wanting certain physical attributes that you can only be born with. 

These types of people who do care may not be bad people but they certainly aren't the most wonderful people in the world. Also, it's not like you can't be friends with them either because it's too shallow of a concern to even worry yourself over. I do have to admit that it can annoy me and feels offensive if it's targeted at me.  

By making fun of a soulmate's height, she was very offended by it because she does think superficially. 

It's not like she can't change this perspective either if she didn't want to, so I don't think it's a serious thing to be worried about. I don't need her to change so it's whatever and I'm going to find a soulmate who will fit me better. 

Growing as a Person

To really heavily consider physical attributes for finding a romantic partner, I think it's really superficial and conveys that the person who is doing this isn't that great of an individual to begin with. He or she may not be a bad person though, but is definitely not the most wonderful individual in the world. 

This is what I personally believe and that now I'm realizing it's better to block all of those externalities out and look at naturally engaging in chemistry based on who the person is from mainly communicating with them. It seems like being a cute fit happens quite naturally. 

My close buddy is someone who I do feel turned on by in a physical way sometimes but don't give into it from just knowing it's from a shallow angle and being used to it; I realize that I'm not really that attracted to her right now when it comes to the idea of having a deep intimate connection. She still has a lot more room to grow as a person. Without meaning any disrespect or contempt at all, she is pretty messed up in the head but not all that bad to the point where she isn't functional. She's dealing with a mental illness while seeing a therapist and I believe it can have a strain on our relationship if I wanted to pursue her. She's also not that into being a physically loving individual so it's quite funny that she feels lucky to have a partner who gets really busy to have time for her sometimes. She's also decided to not have any kids of her own because she can't deal with the negativity from having too many worries.

I think it's proper to just call her a buddy then and give her a friendly hug often because I do see her as a special person and from thinking it's nice whenever I go visit her. I want to also try hugging every girl I meet up for a date now whether the outcome turns out to be good or bad. 

Finding Success With a Dream

It looks like my biggest dream right now is to be a successful investor and swing trader. I have some money put into it as well and don't really know when it's going to turn into something big for me. 

This really does give me a lot of open options for my free time now, since I won't have to spend that much time on it anymore as I used to. I think opening myself up more to joining the right crowds and connecting with that one person is something I'm interested in doing. 

My personal belief about dating is that after you find out your gender preference for dating, anyone can ideally be the right person for you if you both happen to be at the right time and place in your lives. It's more about finding someone who already has the personal alignment you've been naturally seeking and is physically present with you and is also willing to connect. This undeniable, powerful form of physical attraction and emotional attachment can be established from mainly communicating with this person via dating. 

The personal appearances you are insecure about and were already born with won't matter to the right person. There's no need to fret about something so superficial and you can't personally assign at birth based on your physical preferences. For people who have come to an understanding of this, they are on a higher level of being awesome individuals while having found some personal growth. Unfortunately, one of my forbidden soulmates is not one of them yet. I'll just meet an eligible bachelorette who is! 

Getting Rid of Anger Technique

I'm one of those people who don't like bad manners or conversations exchanged in poor taste. I just want everybody to be on their best behavior at all times. 

To get rid of anger when it happens for whatever reason, I think there's something called a bridging technique. This is anything you have in mind that needs to be done at the bare minimum so you can settle for yourself without needing to be bothered by it anymore. It shouldn't be anything immoral either like stealing, beating them up, stabbing them, etc. 

Most recently, I was angered by a dumb coworker who likes to mess around by yelling at other workers who don't take him that personally. His line of defense is that he's talking to them but I didn't really see much exchange of words most of the time, so I took it to mean that he was bullying and management would have already done something but nothing was done so I took matters into my own hands. He was really bothered by me messaging him personal emails about this and it worked him up really well because he thought I was being rude. 

What I came up with to settle this thing was that I e-mailed him I was going to yell the same exact phrase at him to see how he reacts. I confirmed this with him and I ended up yelling in a very mean way at him with those same words after he confronted me and other people around us started laughing silently. He didn't react negatively to it and said it was fine. I stood there surprised and said that I accept everything about him because apparently, this isn't offensive to him. He ended up taking a defensive stand with me and was really worked up and I later had a private discussion with him during lunch break and told him that I don't really care if he thinks badly of me and I find him to be offensive but I'm totally fine with the way he is. 

Figuring Out Personal Goals

It looks like my goals have become slightly more mature now for the time being. I want to eventually gain financial security, look my best, and have the best efficiency and consistency with my time management. I'm also interested in getting married but it looks like I'm only interested in the best which is hard to come by for me. I want to also be the best I can be as well and from having grown a lot, it looks like I really do have a good amount of wisdom to impart on my future kids. 

With finding a great future wife, I think it's important to block out any initial worries or lustful feelings dealing with physical attraction temporarily and then just look at the person which is the most important thing. With a close female friend, I do feel turned on and also sometimes insecure about her looks but by blocking them out, I realize that I only see her as a close friend. I sometimes feel a little bored with doing some repetitive things with her like it could be better and how she could be an even better person. She doesn't mind having me around as company every few days. I even spend nights over at her place while crashing on a sofa bed. I mean it's cool since I literally only see her as a close hangout buddy. 

Improving One Step at a Time

It's pretty fun watching the Winter Olympics and there's only two days left so I'm writing this post on February 18. It's funny how I can write about anything bad or good and then read it later to really give myself feedback on what I was thinking. It's also cool how I don't really have anyone on here criticizing my comments; otherwise, they would be a nutcase right? 

It might also be that I'm not anyone special and from keeping this anonymous, it's really a safe place held under wraps. Well, I can't really share any evil thoughts about doing harm and try to suggest doing them just for the heck of it. I guess I'm choosing to still align with good and questioning other people's attitudes and moral alignments sometimes on this blog.

I shouldn't really be watching TV after having dinner in the evening. I still have things to get work on. 

Things to Work On

I really want to have great time management and to always be dedicated to focusing on my craft while becoming great at something. I do have a job position that allows me to do this and something I don't really mind. I'm going to keep on sticking with it and see where it goes from here.

I would like to work out and it's only because I think it will look nice with all the work I put into my body. On top of being pretty healthy and maintaining a fun lifestyle, I guess it can't go pretty wrong. I want to continue growing as a person and keep on improving myself. This means reading great books when I have the time besides streaming shows and playing video games. 

Basically my priority for me during my free time is to finish up trading which takes only minutes, working out with something dealing with my body, and reading about something from a book. Everything else is something I can do out of personal errands or just having fun, which is something I should keep a list of with things I might forget about. 

Analyzing a Side Business By Experience

I have been trying to make online Poker a profitable hobby of mine. It really does make quite a bit of sense with exchanging back and forth like playing a very volatile and risky game in the stock market. I'm no longer that interested in making it a business from noticing something odd with it.

The risk factor is turning out to be more than the realizable profitable gains. This turns out to be a negative balance in the checkbook in the long run. I also can't really stand playing Poker all the time and trying to edge out other players. I'm only recreational. 

From having tried it out with a smaller balance and challenging myself to see it grow into like an empire, I'm realizing that there's a lot more time that needs to be involved in order for this pipe dream to come into fruition for me. I want it to come very easy for me without putting in that much effort, so playing online Poker can't possibly be it for me. 

The closest thing I have come to making profit easy is investing in recommended stocks and swing trading in general. From now on, this is what I will be looking to do with swing trading being something I do by scanning the currency exchange market three times a day. 

In the meantime to keep myself occupied with making money, I will just focus on my software engineering occupation. In my free time, I will continue to look for great self-improvement books to read and work out while looking to maintain a high level of great hygiene and very fruitful time management. I really have nothing to hide if I'm going to be dating someone and looks aren't really that important to me anymore. Just take away the lustful desires and try to see the person for who she really is and then go from there. 

Recreational Poker is something I will look to do if I'm sitting around waiting somewhere and have really nothing to do. I will keep on trying my best at it, but it's no longer a feasible business aspect for me. It's going to be only an occasional hobby once I have all my other priorities and better options exhausted. 

Taking a More Relaxed and Patient Route of Making Money

I'm starting to focus on my side money makers and letting it be more about gaining some reliable passive income. Being an active swing trader for the currency market seems to be working a lot better for me. I'm now trying to accumulate a lot of Bitcoin as well and want to make it a part of creating a living for myself. 

Seriously, I think my best one is going to be trading currency which is the one I am most actively engaging in. The other ones are about just creating passive income for myself. I have about $25,000 in my portfolio split up and hopefully it will keep on getting better without having to put a lot of time into it. My style is something that I just enjoy continuously running with. I believe this is all going to eventually pay off. 

Understanding a Better Type of Physical Attraction

Actually, there is a strong form of physical attraction you can feel from realizing the inside values of a person. If it's really from weighing in any type of appearance to make a dating decision then it's shallow because it's dealing with what people are already born with. Yet, I think we should still do all we can to achieve our best physical appearance and then go out there to meet our ideal partner. With the physical things you can't naturally change about yourself and hate, I think it's superficial to dwell on it and shouldn't really be held against you. 

I feel so very confident now and not really that shaken over what I can't change about myself. The truth according to myself is that it's shallow to base any attraction from the outer layer, which I can, for example, feel sometimes from being around a close friend. I think she does feel physical attraction for me too, but I discern that it's one of those deeper ones that relate to my personality and also being like family to her. 

She has even mentioned that I have a personality she likes for dating several times while I was doubting myself. She brought up once that she's not worthy enough for me. She's also very interested and supportive about me finding a partner someday. 

Can I see a possible wedding with her in the future? It's unlikely even though I'm open-minded to it because I still have other beautiful women to seek out and consider. 

Adjusting Direction With Making Money

I do have great interest in making money, but it looks like trading crypto is going to be a losing venture in the long run because of its volatility and inability for me to constantly monitor it. It's not exactly the perfect formula, but it did help inspire what I'm really looking for though. 

I'm interested in being an investor and swing trader. I believe that I've found the hot stuff that's going to keep on making me a lot of money in the long run. I will be adjusting my funds accordingly in the meantime. 

Minimizing Dating Preferences

I'm starting to just not really care about appearances anymore. I just want that romantic chemistry and to enjoy plenty of that love making intimacy in marriage with someone. 

My approach is a lot more different and patient, since I'm actually a hard one to please. Well, I do have normal standards which a close friend has complained about with me repeatedly. I really do have my reasons but at least I'm proud to not be that shallow anymore. I think it makes you a bad person if you do make dating decisions based on how they look, especially if they couldn't help how they were going to turn out because of genes. 

Heck, I don't even consider myself to have been that great person at all not too long ago. I am looking to continuously grow as a person. 

For myself, I plan to hit the gym, start wearing decent clothes, work on naturally growing taller endeavors (whether they work or not), clean hygiene, and wear decent clothes. 

I think people sometimes have a mental condition if they are going through something and the problem is probably because it's them. I'm glad that I have been waking up to smell the coffee here and stay completely stable while in check most of the time. 

Continuing to Grow as a Person

My belief is that it's very lame and shallow to keep on dwelling on things that you don't really have any control over. There's sometimes things you can't change with your appearance and also things that aren't there being something you mope about. 

These types of people are pretty lousy to be around and a couple of my friends have been in this state of mind while voicing their frustrations. 

I'm not surprised with how they are anymore. 

With me having my opinion and willing to live this way with a high sense of confidence and willingness to grow as a person through hard work, I guess I really do have it going. 

Putting Good Thoughts into Action

I think the reason why I had trouble doing this was because I was putting it off from feeling a lot of personal anxiety from being worried about not finding any fulfillment, if things went wrong. I couldn't even explain it like I can now. I'm in a much better state of mindfulness and it's flowing naturally within me. 

I believe that making any personal decision that's based on any amount of superficial preferences doesn't make you that great of a person. I also know that a lot of people do without realizing it, so then it makes plain sense to me if they are complaining about anything. They are the problem for themselves. The way I feel is that it's good to practice being mindful with acceptance. 

This is a great lesson that I'm glad a close friend brought up with me. She's not perfect at being mindful though and has quite a ways to go but she likes putting in the effort though. It can be pretty cute I guess when she does it right. 

I should be continuing to practice it for myself so I hope my close friend reaches a high level of mindfulness someday that I can respect. 

For the time being, I want to work on making money from investing, trading, and playing some quick Poker. It's a work in progress with something I'm doing while being patient and going for adding up a lot of small wins in a consistent manner. I don't want to stress out about doing things once because there are so many competing factors and it can not go your way. Some people let their greed get to them and they end up faltering and then feeling bad about it. They put themselves in that situation when they could have been a little more humble about it. 

It really makes sense now that some friends do have mental problems and are not putting enough effort to work on themselves. I've grown a lot as a person.

Living to Do Things Better

From watching the Winter Olympics, I'm realizing the hard work and sacrifices these athletes put in to be at the top of their game. They are definitely passionate about their sport; otherwise, I think they are being crazy to pursue this lifestyle! 

It's a great reminder to me that pure competition and getting to the top is a privilege you earn from putting in a lot of hard work. Of course, it takes some natural luck and passion. I guess it's unfair then for some aspiring athletes who don't have everything going for them. 

With what you can't get done or receive as a favor from others, it's shallow to dwell on it with negativity and will be looking down on yourself. It's better to accept it while practicing mindfulness and growing as a person. Because my soulmate and an estranged friend can't really do this that well, they aren't that great people to be around right now. I realize for myself that I was like this too, but now I've grown and am much happier. 

Reviewing Yesterday

Honestly, I didn't really feel bad about watching the Winter Olympics yesterday. 

Yes, I am writing this post in February and months ahead. This is how I'm able to keep an abundant supply of posts and keep it going with my plan of averaging one a day at the same time. In a literal statistical sense, this is what I have been averaging on this site for a while. It's pretty cool, and I think I'm the only one with this background that I have to do this. I'm choosing to not be that successful about it though, but I do know that this is very unique. 

It doesn't matter how many view this site as this is just an expression of being myself candidly while choosing to conceal my identity to the world. 

Moving forward to today, I plan to keep on working at making money. I think I'm on a whimsical joy ride with making money while doing something that I like. Maybe it's all mental to begin with but my natural effort put into it is starting to make good progress. 

It all makes sense with others being unhappy about something. They are the problem to begin with and have a mental condition. They should work on growing more as a person while exercising mindfulness.