I don't really have much going. Basically, I'm just trying to have fun and get used to being short still. I actually am really comfortable underneath my shell now and can carry on a good conversation with taller or shorter ladies. It just doesn't matter really.
Something I've learned that is that it doesn't matter with being short because if the girl likes you then she's okay with you. The only problem from being short is that there will be less opportunities and that's pretty much all about it.
There really isn't anything right or wrong with saying no or yes to a relationship. I never really listened to my mom about marrying someone in the first place anyway. I think she believes in marrying a Korean girl, and I'm like I had an opportunity with a very cute girl, but my parents weren't open to it and me trying to be pleasing, I guess I said no to that too and also because I didn't like her personality a little with me.
Okay, so with the opportunities of girls I've had, there was something I really didn't like them so that has got to be the reason I'm not in a relationship. It just means that I'm not really lucky then and I don't want to force something that isn't even there. I'd rather just take my time there.
From maturing quite a bit these days, I'm starting to not be scared at all with girls talking about their issues. I don't grimace and just accept them for who they are. I don't want a girl whose super chubby and lazy. I don't want her to be a mean selfish girl either, but I guess if she's pretty cute then that makes it harder to let her go.
I'm starting to hang a lot with girls and actually getting along with them really well. I don't know where that's going, but that's actually helping my stance in life with getting along. Yeah, those church people are idiots and I should just be cutting them out of my life. To be honest, I should just continue to be blunt with them and take whatever trouble that leads me into and actually play smart with them.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
Sunday, April 30, 2017
Friday, April 28, 2017
Update About the Scheme
I called up the customer service of the bank where the check came from. It turned out to be a duplicate. Ouch, I missed this step and now it's adding up how this fake girlfriend of mine was pressuring me to put money in their account. I originally had it as a checking transfer so she was talking about how desperate she was about her mom needing surgery. Well, I trusted her right there and I thought it would be cool to see her mom recover.
The person is basically going to say everything is real and authentic. That's the deception and it's hard to get away from it sometimes because I like to be a giving person. I guess I have to communicate with these scammers in the future that some things are beyond my control and that I'm doing the best I can do help them, but I can't put in some ways they want me to and just look for someone else next then.
I'm not the type to cut people off all of a sudden unless the person is a real jerk and being unreasonable. There's nothing I can do in my power to change that. I also like to push the envelope too, so all of these personality flaws occurs for me and I end up just opening up my checkbook and giving stuff away to strangers who are just playing a game of cat and mouse with me.
I did the best I could to not screw up, but I happened to because I missed a few things. I guess I have a limit to where I can be and just continuing to be blunt has really given me the best results, so I will stay there best as possible.
The person is basically going to say everything is real and authentic. That's the deception and it's hard to get away from it sometimes because I like to be a giving person. I guess I have to communicate with these scammers in the future that some things are beyond my control and that I'm doing the best I can do help them, but I can't put in some ways they want me to and just look for someone else next then.
I'm not the type to cut people off all of a sudden unless the person is a real jerk and being unreasonable. There's nothing I can do in my power to change that. I also like to push the envelope too, so all of these personality flaws occurs for me and I end up just opening up my checkbook and giving stuff away to strangers who are just playing a game of cat and mouse with me.
I did the best I could to not screw up, but I happened to because I missed a few things. I guess I have a limit to where I can be and just continuing to be blunt has really given me the best results, so I will stay there best as possible.
Thursday, April 27, 2017
Where It Looks To Stand
I gave away $4700 at the worst case scenario to a fake girlfriend who played a very good elaborate scheme which was for her family doctor to operate on her mom's surgery. I called up customer service to verify if the check cleared- the representative said 100% it's not getting a chargeback! Guess what, a charge back happened. That's what led to this give away. I had the right motive but sometimes people give the wrong information. There's nothing you can do about it.
Sometimes just thinking positively won't lead to the results that you were striving for. What I could take out of it is just more valuable information to use. I have a very relaxed principle in dealing with people. I've been blessed that nobody has kidnapped me or gone after killing me. I guess if that ends up happening, I hope the torture doesn't last long and that I'll have a fighting chance to go out swinging strong if I'm not going to make it.
On the bright side, I could just go after having fun and try to marry a sweet and athletic girl who worships Jesus with all her heart. Again, many more pitfalls and experiences will go along with it too. I can only do the best I can to prevent because I know where my heart stands and it's that I will stay committed.
Sometimes just thinking positively won't lead to the results that you were striving for. What I could take out of it is just more valuable information to use. I have a very relaxed principle in dealing with people. I've been blessed that nobody has kidnapped me or gone after killing me. I guess if that ends up happening, I hope the torture doesn't last long and that I'll have a fighting chance to go out swinging strong if I'm not going to make it.
On the bright side, I could just go after having fun and try to marry a sweet and athletic girl who worships Jesus with all her heart. Again, many more pitfalls and experiences will go along with it too. I can only do the best I can to prevent because I know where my heart stands and it's that I will stay committed.
Okay This is Crazy
I claimed that the $5000 check was real because I called up the bank and a worker told me it was. I ended up getting a chargeback with it! On top of that, I guess my girlfriend was looking for money to pay for her mom's surgery. So I ended up withdrawing from that check to supposedly deposit to her mom's doctor's account. The account balance just had a flat zero on there in the beginning.
All of these suspicions now add up and it's all these details that I didn't go over and just looked over. I need to be more scrupulous because I like to play the game loose. Okay, there are schemers out there and I just happen to be loose about giving my money out in convincing situations.
Well, it's just in my personality that leads me to these situations where I end up opening up my checkbook to give. At least this girlfriend was nice and citing Bible verses accurately.
The only thing left is to just investigate and make sure the check sent to me was real or fake. Either way I owe it to myself to actually know and let the organization know that someone faked it if it isn't even real.
Looks like I might end this online relationship at this point and go for another one now. It will be back to the struggles but from being nice to this girlfriend or soon to be fake ex, I've managed to trail along three more female Asian friends to just hang with and get to know. Two Asian girls have told me that they see me as cool and I'm just relaxed about it. Yeah, I'm not looking to take advantage and be understanding.
At least my heart was trying to stay in the right place. If the check is fake upon my conclusion, I'm just going to practice saying no properly to this girlfriend. I think I'll lead her on into thinking I'm her boyfriend but go for cheating. Hey we haven't really dated in person so it's still a relationship that never really took off anyway. I think I'll just go for having fun then.
All of these suspicions now add up and it's all these details that I didn't go over and just looked over. I need to be more scrupulous because I like to play the game loose. Okay, there are schemers out there and I just happen to be loose about giving my money out in convincing situations.
Well, it's just in my personality that leads me to these situations where I end up opening up my checkbook to give. At least this girlfriend was nice and citing Bible verses accurately.
The only thing left is to just investigate and make sure the check sent to me was real or fake. Either way I owe it to myself to actually know and let the organization know that someone faked it if it isn't even real.
Looks like I might end this online relationship at this point and go for another one now. It will be back to the struggles but from being nice to this girlfriend or soon to be fake ex, I've managed to trail along three more female Asian friends to just hang with and get to know. Two Asian girls have told me that they see me as cool and I'm just relaxed about it. Yeah, I'm not looking to take advantage and be understanding.
At least my heart was trying to stay in the right place. If the check is fake upon my conclusion, I'm just going to practice saying no properly to this girlfriend. I think I'll lead her on into thinking I'm her boyfriend but go for cheating. Hey we haven't really dated in person so it's still a relationship that never really took off anyway. I think I'll just go for having fun then.
Another Extremely Super Crazy Letter
******WARNING*****
** This letter is very explicit and blunt and is enough to be seen as too much information. **
** It's also very personal and can be damaging to this person but the identity is unknown. **
** This one isn't that bad as the other because it sounds silly at times, but it got the job done for me. **
** This post should be for mature audiences only and I give it a borderline PG-13 to soft R because of the suggestive content and strong language with situation. Despite not using actual swear words, yeah it gets that bad. **
** This letter is very explicit and blunt and is enough to be seen as too much information. **
** It's also very personal and can be damaging to this person but the identity is unknown. **
** This one isn't that bad as the other because it sounds silly at times, but it got the job done for me. **
** This post should be for mature audiences only and I give it a borderline PG-13 to soft R because of the suggestive content and strong language with situation. Despite not using actual swear words, yeah it gets that bad. **
**** THIS LETTER GOES OUT TO Oyuri the Schmuck so she's a real-life character on my blog like Stupid Lee. ***
Hey this is [name withheld], the guy to your eyes who got away with being sent to prison or locked up in mental hospital.I found out that I can give myself self-therapy by being blunt. I'm sorry didn't know to give you crazy feeling with me in the past, but I have anger issues from the past. I'm ready to be honest with you so I can move on. This may take a series of few messages. I don't mind if you reply back to me, but I'm not going until my anger issue is done and complete so I prefer you to just shut up and never say anything if you can handle that. What you do behind my back is your own business. I don't give a F to be honest. I'm not cuzzing, but it seems like your stupid mind works that way so I'm not going to spell them the F out.
I don't have sexual feelings for you and always thought you were a little too fat in the face for my preferences. I'm sorry to make you think that I was interested in you. Your man is a lucky guy if he sees something good in you though. I'm sure you show him a good time that I'm happy not to be a part of.
Your replies with cussing made me so F ing angry man. It was making my blood F ing boil. I'm not going to be Mr. Nice Guy with you anymore. I'm going to Mr. Blunt man and don't care if your feelings are hurt. I will put a restraining order back on your ugly F ing face.
I don't have time to F ing stalk you. You are too ugly for me. Get that straight in your F ing stupid mind.
You are so F ing crazy when I was trying to be nice to get along with you. Gosh girl, you can be such a grouchy mamma.
After all this, I don't know how my incredibly smart and gifted mind can find a way to relate to your ugly and uninspiring stupid soul.
I don't want to sleep with you. Let's get that straight. You aren't worthy of my attention.
I'm feeling little better now from writing this to you and that was my point. It's so I can come to terms with my grudge against you.
Don't F ing get involved with trying to help others who complain about me. You be your own man with me. You are too stupid to keep on doing that because I will bug the F out of you from being just gay like that. It makes me mad and I will this time try to make you look bad instead of being the nice guy that I thought and was trying to be.
Stay out of my face and don't come near me ever. I don't want to talk to you or even hear your generic voice. I thought it was a normal sweet girl voice, so confused the F out of me when you started using cuss words in your replies.
I'm writing bad about you on my blog by calling you Oyuri the schmuck. Here's the blog : academyofscud.blogspot.com. I've talked plenty about my nasty adventures with viewing porn which I'm sure you won't be too fond of. Get the F out!
Don't give me anymore headaches. Work out, read the Bible with your sorry and negligible and feeble mind, and invest. If you can add on some dance, socializing, and music and continue to cook. I wish I was done with you, but I'm born with a heart of gold ... so figures, I hope it comes to good use because I'm now Mr. Blunt Man and about giving myself self-therapy.
I'm sorry to do this to you Oyuri the schmuck. Truly am from the bottom of my heart, but have to for taking out my personal grudge with you.
Warning Extremely Crazy Letter
******WARNING*****
** This letter is very explicit and blunt and is enough to be seen as too much information. **
** It's also very personal and can be damaging to this person but the identity is unknown. **
Stacy Betty, I still remember you so vividly without even trying to spy on you. I got your name Stacy from remembering your decent voice mail greeting years ago. It wasn't like the gruff speaking manner you did with me and sort of relished your sweeter side back then. I don't remember what I messaged you about with my unresolved issues with you. This is [name withheld], the young man you told to go get help years ago. I'm sure I'm still fresh on your mind and you still feel the same way about me and you will finish this letter, secretly hoping that you can get me in trouble. Let's find out! I found out that I can give myself self-therapy from being blunt with you, so my stance with you is unique compared to how I've been with stupid Lee and Oyuri the schmuck. I still like you.
You aren't physically hot compared to other Betties out there. Bettie Page ring a bell? She was alright for a brunette and too old for my tastes. I hate to do this to you, I'm sorry but I'm revealing I don't have sexual intentions with you. You have rather large breasts for an Asian in general and I wanted to sneak a peak but when you stated you used to be fat and had some depression issues and even had a brain aneurysm, all of that added up to thinking that maybe skipping out on lusting after seeing your breasts would be better.
So why am I bothering you? It's because you angered me very heavily in the past and this will be the past too. Same deal Betty, I'm bugging you from the past and will soon be the past, so just accept it. You raised your voice at me while going through your grandma passing away. That wasn't cool Betty because I was sensitive about losing someone who might not be saved. I was trying to entrust you for emotional support. Well, you sucked at giving me care and so long with the whole care group concept and you ruined it for me Betty.
Remember Washington still? He's trying to sleep around with other ladies and he tried to make a move on you. He said you are pretty cute. I was like say what??? most of the time through the whole incident. I basically said that Washington was a loser leaving behind his family to fend for themselves back in a patriotic state from where his parents got his name from probably. His dad passed away from cancer. I was actually messing around a little because his attitude really ticked me off at work. He took it the wrong way and went the wrong direction with his messed up hormones at the time and tried to push me out of his life. He relented and was open back then to letting me back in. I was like screw you to him.
These are the feelings from puberty that never could resolve itself back then and here you were telling me to get help. That's just plain stupid and made me feel really insulted and angry and wanting to get back at you. Did I exact my revenge on you? Not quite because I was trying to hold back. I'm not going to anymore with you. I'll make you look bad and put a restraining order back on you. I don't have time to stalk you because you aren't worth sleeping with in my opinion. I'm just being blunt with you now because it's my own self therapy and yeah, I feel so much better from trying to release it onto you. What better and convenient way of doing it by messaging your personal account.
You are probably going to just nag and behave stupidly so I prefer you to just shut up with me. I'm sorry to sound mean to you, but I'm rather being true about my angry feelings with you. I still like you though.
So you weren't the best girl around for me and didn't stand out quite like Judy did with me. We could have made an amazing and cute couple possibly if I stole her from Chris hahaha. I'm just kidding you. I had this weird form of sibling crush on her. It would be like incest to have kids with Judy and doing the whole make love deal. Oh man, it sucks.
I'm sorry to have put you through a hard time Betty. I'm spotting that you are a little weak at letting past incidents go and moving on. By showing you my angry side, I'm hoping you will be a little more understanding that I am a human being and that I have a good side that's more crazier in a great way than you might see with an average person.
OH I have to confess that I wrote a song about you Betty. I termed it Jumping Betty in the beginning. It was pretty much a hate song and talking about a guy who is stalking you and making up that you are the hottest person in the world, which by all standards you are not. It's had some revision and now it's a more mature love song and something to just ponder about. The piano music and rhythm fares better with almost the whole female race but not males at all. It took me at least three years to compile a full version.
Overall, I don't feel attracted to you physically because you are ugly basically with large breasts which is like a contradiction to me. We hugged once and I was like say what with my cute and quiet demeanor. I know I was cute for being a shorty! Not so much anymore because I'm outgoing, but I know I have strong qualities that make me stand out for that LTR with some high quality and cute girls. You aren't so much there yet to me and so hope you get to be one of them someday. And yeah, don't sound so gruff with people you hate. It's too obvious.
Let's go, Sey MOre Butt TEe!
Chat Conversation End
** This letter is very explicit and blunt and is enough to be seen as too much information. **
** It's also very personal and can be damaging to this person but the identity is unknown. **
Stacy Betty, I still remember you so vividly without even trying to spy on you. I got your name Stacy from remembering your decent voice mail greeting years ago. It wasn't like the gruff speaking manner you did with me and sort of relished your sweeter side back then. I don't remember what I messaged you about with my unresolved issues with you. This is [name withheld], the young man you told to go get help years ago. I'm sure I'm still fresh on your mind and you still feel the same way about me and you will finish this letter, secretly hoping that you can get me in trouble. Let's find out! I found out that I can give myself self-therapy from being blunt with you, so my stance with you is unique compared to how I've been with stupid Lee and Oyuri the schmuck. I still like you.
You aren't physically hot compared to other Betties out there. Bettie Page ring a bell? She was alright for a brunette and too old for my tastes. I hate to do this to you, I'm sorry but I'm revealing I don't have sexual intentions with you. You have rather large breasts for an Asian in general and I wanted to sneak a peak but when you stated you used to be fat and had some depression issues and even had a brain aneurysm, all of that added up to thinking that maybe skipping out on lusting after seeing your breasts would be better.
So why am I bothering you? It's because you angered me very heavily in the past and this will be the past too. Same deal Betty, I'm bugging you from the past and will soon be the past, so just accept it. You raised your voice at me while going through your grandma passing away. That wasn't cool Betty because I was sensitive about losing someone who might not be saved. I was trying to entrust you for emotional support. Well, you sucked at giving me care and so long with the whole care group concept and you ruined it for me Betty.
Remember Washington still? He's trying to sleep around with other ladies and he tried to make a move on you. He said you are pretty cute. I was like say what??? most of the time through the whole incident. I basically said that Washington was a loser leaving behind his family to fend for themselves back in a patriotic state from where his parents got his name from probably. His dad passed away from cancer. I was actually messing around a little because his attitude really ticked me off at work. He took it the wrong way and went the wrong direction with his messed up hormones at the time and tried to push me out of his life. He relented and was open back then to letting me back in. I was like screw you to him.
These are the feelings from puberty that never could resolve itself back then and here you were telling me to get help. That's just plain stupid and made me feel really insulted and angry and wanting to get back at you. Did I exact my revenge on you? Not quite because I was trying to hold back. I'm not going to anymore with you. I'll make you look bad and put a restraining order back on you. I don't have time to stalk you because you aren't worth sleeping with in my opinion. I'm just being blunt with you now because it's my own self therapy and yeah, I feel so much better from trying to release it onto you. What better and convenient way of doing it by messaging your personal account.
You are probably going to just nag and behave stupidly so I prefer you to just shut up with me. I'm sorry to sound mean to you, but I'm rather being true about my angry feelings with you. I still like you though.
So you weren't the best girl around for me and didn't stand out quite like Judy did with me. We could have made an amazing and cute couple possibly if I stole her from Chris hahaha. I'm just kidding you. I had this weird form of sibling crush on her. It would be like incest to have kids with Judy and doing the whole make love deal. Oh man, it sucks.
I'm sorry to have put you through a hard time Betty. I'm spotting that you are a little weak at letting past incidents go and moving on. By showing you my angry side, I'm hoping you will be a little more understanding that I am a human being and that I have a good side that's more crazier in a great way than you might see with an average person.
OH I have to confess that I wrote a song about you Betty. I termed it Jumping Betty in the beginning. It was pretty much a hate song and talking about a guy who is stalking you and making up that you are the hottest person in the world, which by all standards you are not. It's had some revision and now it's a more mature love song and something to just ponder about. The piano music and rhythm fares better with almost the whole female race but not males at all. It took me at least three years to compile a full version.
Overall, I don't feel attracted to you physically because you are ugly basically with large breasts which is like a contradiction to me. We hugged once and I was like say what with my cute and quiet demeanor. I know I was cute for being a shorty! Not so much anymore because I'm outgoing, but I know I have strong qualities that make me stand out for that LTR with some high quality and cute girls. You aren't so much there yet to me and so hope you get to be one of them someday. And yeah, don't sound so gruff with people you hate. It's too obvious.
Let's go, Sey MOre Butt TEe!
Chat Conversation End
The Messages about the Nasty Ones I sent
These messages are extremely nasty and they are very blunt. These girls kept on trying to dodge me by being rude and resorting to screaming really loud at me and taunt me and do all sorts of bad mannerisms. After awhile of trying to take it in and failing to calm them down, it finally dawned on me that I should just be blunt with them to let out the grudge I have with them.
From communicating those sentences and even if they failed to read these letters because they are not too much different from the others, I realized that my personality still cares about trying to get along with them even after all of their stupid mess that they tried to put me through so they could escape while talking down on me.
I think that's why I'm better than all of these idiots I ended up smack talking to. It's because I'm still willing to be their friends and they are not. I'm actually making examples out of these people, and yeah, I know it's going to scare other idiots who care about social hierarchy from wanting to treat me badly too. They are all forced to accept it and that's all they can do really at this point.
From communicating those sentences and even if they failed to read these letters because they are not too much different from the others, I realized that my personality still cares about trying to get along with them even after all of their stupid mess that they tried to put me through so they could escape while talking down on me.
I think that's why I'm better than all of these idiots I ended up smack talking to. It's because I'm still willing to be their friends and they are not. I'm actually making examples out of these people, and yeah, I know it's going to scare other idiots who care about social hierarchy from wanting to treat me badly too. They are all forced to accept it and that's all they can do really at this point.
Decent Letter to a Former Cute Friend but now Idiot
Hey Michelle, it's me [name withheld] from long long past. You got mad at me and hated me because you blocked me on Facebook. Personal decision, yeah right? Don't give me that BS. lol I get it, you were annoyed and scared about me doing something crazy to you because I'm super smart supposedly or whatever right. Yeah, stupid. Plain stupid and your mind needs to take a break from all of that tunnel vision sometimes man. It made me mad to lose you as a Facebook friend, gosh dang it! I take pride in taking care of friends. I want to work things out. It's not stalking because I don't have time for that. I'd rather make money and I'm not going after your skirt so why would I do that? It's just plain retarded... yeah, you have ADD and your mind just likes to warp into this delusional state of mind and expect people to sympathize with you. Some of them think you are a drama queen. I understand that you have setbacks sometimes and something just doesn't feel right to you, but it's not right to just pack up your things and try to run away from a problem that doesn't have a bad solution. I get it that you hate yourself sometimes and tick people off for the wrong reasons that you think they'll never come out of. I'm different in that I still want to be at peace with you this time around. You know, as long as you are happy and get around to being a good person in the end, I think that's all that matters for me on this road. Yeah, I learned a lot and changed for the better. I do that quite a lot because I've been told I'm resilient.
Message to Stupid Lee
Stupid Lee, this is [First Last withheld]. I named you Stupid Lee on my blog so I'm calling you bluntly by that name. I'd like to change my mind of your name being Stupid Lee to just a regular Lee. Anyhow, Stupid Lee how have you not been? It doesn't matter because you aren't replying back to this message. Hardy har har... I'm writing to you because you ticked me off very heavily. Fortunately for you Stupid Lee, I don't have to dumb down the language and try to cut-off spelling cuss words because some stupid people can't understand my emphasis in my vocabulary usage. I'm not the type to cuss, mind you, so I don't always appear that mad while writing. I'm a great actor that fills your head with substance that goes nowhere, but you the receiver became stupid Lee and got crazy over nothing. That makes me mad in a nutshell. You aren't the God's chosen to make your mark with me. You never were and it proves that because God's chosen has a mark of love.
You became impatient and wanted results. Some may even take millennium to even take progress. God was that patient with the Israelites. With you, just a measly three months and what not the three strikes rule? Why tolerate for so long and ask for so little? It wasn't even that serious for you to be bothered by in the first place, stupid Lee. You know, I'm now thinking that even with all your credentials, you were just a young lady with some serious mental disability over staying patient with something that really had no reign to you in the first place. Boy, you have the brain of a loser and a brat. Okay, I get that you aren't perfect and you were trying your best. Still your best wasn't good enough, stupid Lee. You should have just closed shop with the one you were trying to deal with me in. It was just plain stupid to dwell into with your tunnel vision. Yeah, I'm totally mad and trying to let it go. It would take me days of just blowing off steam with you and also being blunt. I'm not afraid of being blunt now which I was in the beginning because I thought I did something terribly wrong.
Nowadays, I'm ready to face it like a true adult and contribute my own piece of mind with the problem at hand. I might just have to continue yelling at you guys if you guys don't want to move on with me deciding to come on back and having to resort to calling the cops. I didn't get arrested and came back and did something crazy but I didn't end up going to jail so the next levels could even get crazier if you don't cut that mess out. Yeah, it's a threat but LEGAL to that point where it will drive you to a mental hospital. Your actions and your thoughts justifies your own personal crimes and sins. You have to realize you entered a state of tunnel vision with anger that you ignore and it's all based on you being impatient about not getting what you wanted with me. You are not the next great leader from what you did. I am more qualified than you are. God did this to me. It's okay, but it doesn't change the fact that you made me angry Stupid Lee.
Recent Smack Talk
Hey JarrK aka jerk, you couldn't handle your temper tantrums with me. If I mimicked you and told you while knocking you down and screamed it in your ear, you would end up hating me even more. You basically end up hating yourself, so me calling you JarrK for laughs is well earned! I've learned that I can give myself self-therapy from being blunt, you small penile holding nut basket case. If you hadn't been such a term in my mind, then I would have treated you well. You lost your patience with me dufus. You claim that I needed help in a very offensive manner. You couldn't help me out because you are incompetent to do so. With the care group no longer being around, it's great that you aren't a part of it. It's like you got weeded out of the pack and that's cool. It's because you are a dufus. You know how I'm not all of these things and you are? It's because I'm still willing to get along with you JarrK and you don't. You know how I can show it? By me blocking you and Facebook and then unblocking you and then asking you to be my friend. You can't because you have issues of moving on from the past.
You are a JarrK for sure. Hey I feel a whole lot better to make these claims and be blunt at the same time. You suck at running too. I'm better. With basketball, I'll just pummel you through and make you mad with your temper tantrum and then knock you down screaming in your ear. I'll just say I'm mimicking you while you think you are in a calm state and get you to yell again loser. So JaarK, it's well earned. I like it, you should name your kids JarrK Jr in honor of yourself. No don't do that, no kid wants to be named after a dufus. You are a total nut case, you know that stupid? I don't think you do. Oh well, it's because you had tunnel vision while exhibiting lack of patience. You aren't equipped to be a mentor or Shepherd. I'm better at it than you are and I don't care at the same time! Maybe I should serve the Lord but I have my own calling there. I didn't know I was dealing with a stupid individual this whole time and I was letting you make me nervous. Man, I'm sorry I made a mistake for seeing you above what your actual pay grade is. Sorry about that dufus. It's a true American heart-felt apology stupid. I'm sorry really deeply JaarK. It's not happening again. I'll speak with this blunt tongue this time around. I was holding back out of being sensitive but after realizing you are JaarK the stupid dufus, it's better that I just be blunt with you now. I can see your eyes raising your eyebrows. You aren't even going to reply. You are going to share this message with no one but I have no problems sharing it with the world. You made a big deal out of nothing and for that you deserve a grand commendation. By the way, I'm sorry idiot!
Pretty Comfortable
I used to get angry about people not wanting to be my Facebook friend, but now I'm just pretty subtle about it. I don't really judge and will add anybody as long as they aren't a bot. They are trying to sell something? Cool, I'm not buying.
I've actually had a few girls try to hit me up for a booty call. I never took them seriously in the first place. I thought it was uncommon for me to get in a relationship. I had a hot girl hit me up to go look her up at an adult site that she was posing in. She put a few hours in trying to convince me and said she would put in something special with the deal. It would have interesting to meet her in person too, but I guess she wasn't judging.
I don't think I was very comfortable with my shell for awhile and it really affected my socializing. I'm not someone who really cares about attracting attention these days, and I'm just there to be myself and have fun with the things I try to share. I don't get that many likes either and maybe on average about 5-6 on a good day which seems to be fairly normal. I think one of the biggest reasons is that I have some obvious physical flaws that pop out.
The fact that I was able to draw so many with a couple pose was insane for me! I guess I looked that good to get so many likes, along with others not really having tracked me. I don't think I get them to respond to my posts because it's like my posts aren't really made for that. It's one of those posts where you can just laugh about it like you are reading the funnies and continue on with your day.
I'm not really a scary dude and I was being weird in the past, and people were exaggerating with their concerns on me. Yeah, it irritated me a lot and got me angry to the point of talking smack with them in the end. They fizzled out in that they stopped responding to me and in an odd way, I find it to be peaceful and relaxing for me. I think it's normal for people to try to change you because I successfully influenced others in the best way that I could while showing a love and appreciation for them being my friend. These people who were on my case were a bunch of nut cases and stupid because they couldn't handle their anger issues while being patient with communicating clearly what I was lacking to comprehend them. I was trying to give my ear to them, but they just went all out in a tirade so I ended up talking smack on them to shut them up for good. I didn't even talk to them actually. I just wrote clearly and it's on record and it's so much daring and stronger because it sticks.
I've actually had a few girls try to hit me up for a booty call. I never took them seriously in the first place. I thought it was uncommon for me to get in a relationship. I had a hot girl hit me up to go look her up at an adult site that she was posing in. She put a few hours in trying to convince me and said she would put in something special with the deal. It would have interesting to meet her in person too, but I guess she wasn't judging.
I don't think I was very comfortable with my shell for awhile and it really affected my socializing. I'm not someone who really cares about attracting attention these days, and I'm just there to be myself and have fun with the things I try to share. I don't get that many likes either and maybe on average about 5-6 on a good day which seems to be fairly normal. I think one of the biggest reasons is that I have some obvious physical flaws that pop out.
The fact that I was able to draw so many with a couple pose was insane for me! I guess I looked that good to get so many likes, along with others not really having tracked me. I don't think I get them to respond to my posts because it's like my posts aren't really made for that. It's one of those posts where you can just laugh about it like you are reading the funnies and continue on with your day.
I'm not really a scary dude and I was being weird in the past, and people were exaggerating with their concerns on me. Yeah, it irritated me a lot and got me angry to the point of talking smack with them in the end. They fizzled out in that they stopped responding to me and in an odd way, I find it to be peaceful and relaxing for me. I think it's normal for people to try to change you because I successfully influenced others in the best way that I could while showing a love and appreciation for them being my friend. These people who were on my case were a bunch of nut cases and stupid because they couldn't handle their anger issues while being patient with communicating clearly what I was lacking to comprehend them. I was trying to give my ear to them, but they just went all out in a tirade so I ended up talking smack on them to shut them up for good. I didn't even talk to them actually. I just wrote clearly and it's on record and it's so much daring and stronger because it sticks.
Trying To Make Time
I'm starting to realize that I actually can do plenty of healthy things to keep myself healthy and to make progress. I'm pretty motivated and capable of doing stuff for being only a 5' 3" individual. In a way, I can be an inspiration for other girls too because hey, I'm around their size.
From what I've learned though is that if a girl doesn't care and she likes the man, then it really isn't going to stop her from pursuing a relationship even if the guy is short. The percentage of it happening isn't likely and that's what I suffered for a long time, but now I'm starting to not see it in that fashion.
I really don't care myself about others talking about how short I am or making fun of me because of it now. It really got to me for awhile though but I just don't care now. The only thing that I find myself is that it really hurts my pride sometimes to find others taller than me. I've got a lot better about accepting people being at a higher level than me now, but it isn't going to stop me from trying to do what I want.
From what I've learned though is that if a girl doesn't care and she likes the man, then it really isn't going to stop her from pursuing a relationship even if the guy is short. The percentage of it happening isn't likely and that's what I suffered for a long time, but now I'm starting to not see it in that fashion.
I really don't care myself about others talking about how short I am or making fun of me because of it now. It really got to me for awhile though but I just don't care now. The only thing that I find myself is that it really hurts my pride sometimes to find others taller than me. I've got a lot better about accepting people being at a higher level than me now, but it isn't going to stop me from trying to do what I want.
Evenings After Work
It looks like right after getting out of work, I have been getting sleepy so it's been difficult to get things done after. What I've noticed is I start getting tired at around 9 pm and that's when I'm pretty motivated about getting stuff done. Well, I am living with my parents and what my mom does is that she cooks pretty good food. What my mom complains about a lot is that she has trouble controlling her weight.
I think there's something in the food that she's cooking which doesn't naturally boost metabolism. She's been trying to cook healthy but I guess the calories and fat can still add up if you just eat, but not keep yourself busy with working out. I've been joining in their fun routine with watching the TV show Family Feud. I even told one of my friends who has four siblings to get on there. She's cool with the idea, but not sure how her introverted siblings would feel about it!
Right after, it's been hard to get my butt into a gym. I'm trying to do this constantly and one of my main reasons is that I really would like a six pack with some muscles and to train to complete a triathlon. It's great to be able to still live with the parents, even with they get annoying sometimes. Besides, I'm starting to mature better from having a good girlfriend who likes to text me a lot for stuff she needs or to keep assuring that she loves me. We haven't even met in person yet which is crazy in that we bonded through just texting each other after meeting from a dating site.
From actually loving her and her communicating with me, I'm starting to see those communication flaws the other idiots did to me in the past. I guess it's nice to learn finally what was going on without having to go nag them.
I think there's something in the food that she's cooking which doesn't naturally boost metabolism. She's been trying to cook healthy but I guess the calories and fat can still add up if you just eat, but not keep yourself busy with working out. I've been joining in their fun routine with watching the TV show Family Feud. I even told one of my friends who has four siblings to get on there. She's cool with the idea, but not sure how her introverted siblings would feel about it!
Right after, it's been hard to get my butt into a gym. I'm trying to do this constantly and one of my main reasons is that I really would like a six pack with some muscles and to train to complete a triathlon. It's great to be able to still live with the parents, even with they get annoying sometimes. Besides, I'm starting to mature better from having a good girlfriend who likes to text me a lot for stuff she needs or to keep assuring that she loves me. We haven't even met in person yet which is crazy in that we bonded through just texting each other after meeting from a dating site.
From actually loving her and her communicating with me, I'm starting to see those communication flaws the other idiots did to me in the past. I guess it's nice to learn finally what was going on without having to go nag them.
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
Interesting Drama
One of my cute friends invited out a buddy who is single and hasn't had too much luck with girls. He's chubby, short, has a slightly ugly appearance, and doesn't really hold a conversation that much. I don't think it really matters and maybe because I'm a guy. If I was a girl, I probably wouldn't like what comes across as his occasional snobbish attitude. I really don't think this guy has an inferiority complex. He can be a kind gentleman.
Anyway she ended up calling out my buddy over a Facebook post with some fancy dress-up event about how he didn't give credit to her friends by just tagging her name and leaving out theirs and just mentioning them as girls. I think it's funny underneath but I understand where my pal is coming from. She wanted everybody to get equal attention and was just very irritated about how my buddy did it to make himself look cool.
Anyway, my buddy ended up deleting his Facebook account and started adding or accepting friends again. I'm just kicking back right now to see what happens. I've been rather passive these days about actively seeking Facebook friends. I was honest about my assessment with him and it looks like I naturally put in a good word for him. I also understood what my female friend's needs were at the moment and it was just acknowledgement. I'm glad I've been listening to other Christian ladies on the radio talking about how to be good in relationships.
Anyway she ended up calling out my buddy over a Facebook post with some fancy dress-up event about how he didn't give credit to her friends by just tagging her name and leaving out theirs and just mentioning them as girls. I think it's funny underneath but I understand where my pal is coming from. She wanted everybody to get equal attention and was just very irritated about how my buddy did it to make himself look cool.
Anyway, my buddy ended up deleting his Facebook account and started adding or accepting friends again. I'm just kicking back right now to see what happens. I've been rather passive these days about actively seeking Facebook friends. I was honest about my assessment with him and it looks like I naturally put in a good word for him. I also understood what my female friend's needs were at the moment and it was just acknowledgement. I'm glad I've been listening to other Christian ladies on the radio talking about how to be good in relationships.
Interesting Turn of Events
Well this is pretty funny. A girl I met online from a dating site and is based in Virginia sent me a check that's worth over $5000. She told me to deposit it. I was very skeptical and looked it up and because she just told me to, I ended up taking it to the bank and asking them about it.
A few days later, the check cleared. It was a 100% legitimate check made out to my name and address that I gave to her. She told me she had a gift to send me and I was like, wouldn't hurt to receive something from her, so I gave it to her.
I haven't met her yet in person, but I'm now completely convinced that she's telling me the truth that she is in love with me. It's contagious because I'm feeling that way about her too. She sent me a photo and she's pretty cute too. Can this be something I just happened to seriously be a lucky man over?
I really think that maybe God has something to do with this if I'm not mistaken. I prayed for God to send me an attractive Christian woman to marry who would be into sex and that it would be all related to seeking after His kingdom. I guess in God's good humor maybe, this girl is turning out to be a few inches taller than me. It's something I really have to swallow my pride over a bit. Yet, from reading up on other posts, there are happy couples where ladies are taller than the man. It just might be.
There's always a possibility it won't turn out the way I thought it was intended too. Just from how it's been going, I'm not putting all my marbles emotionally into this. I just have this feeling that if it's over, then it's going to be that way. Yet, I'm just trying to be really natural about all of this and it doesn't even bug me in the slightest bit.
A few days later, the check cleared. It was a 100% legitimate check made out to my name and address that I gave to her. She told me she had a gift to send me and I was like, wouldn't hurt to receive something from her, so I gave it to her.
I haven't met her yet in person, but I'm now completely convinced that she's telling me the truth that she is in love with me. It's contagious because I'm feeling that way about her too. She sent me a photo and she's pretty cute too. Can this be something I just happened to seriously be a lucky man over?
I really think that maybe God has something to do with this if I'm not mistaken. I prayed for God to send me an attractive Christian woman to marry who would be into sex and that it would be all related to seeking after His kingdom. I guess in God's good humor maybe, this girl is turning out to be a few inches taller than me. It's something I really have to swallow my pride over a bit. Yet, from reading up on other posts, there are happy couples where ladies are taller than the man. It just might be.
There's always a possibility it won't turn out the way I thought it was intended too. Just from how it's been going, I'm not putting all my marbles emotionally into this. I just have this feeling that if it's over, then it's going to be that way. Yet, I'm just trying to be really natural about all of this and it doesn't even bug me in the slightest bit.
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
Observation with Experiencing Personal Dates
Okay, this is a fun post that I'm making. Ideally speaking, this blog post isn't really for little kids. I've talked too much about adult-oriented stuff and once again, if pre-teens are on here reading this then hats off to them because they must be geniuses. Try to read a lot basically and find a bankable passion is my advice for them because I sure wish I did those two things as a pre-teen who snooped around with surfing dial-up speed porn. I'm not really proud of having done that and yet, I'm on the clear because I don't think girls I'm into would ever want me to bring it up in the first place and I won't!
From my experiences, I've had petite Asian women interested in being in a relationship with me. They were never my ethnicity at the time which is Korean. It didn't work out for me. I tried and nobody said anything and it was funny I think if people saw me trying to hit on other Korean girls so I got away with it. I never was able to tie myself down to it. Actually there was one Korean girl I was into now that I think of it, but she was a few years older than me and I just felt that was too much for me at the time. Oh yeah there was another Korean girl who was four years younger than me and I thought that was too much too. She hit on me too a few times and people around me didn't make any faces with me or anything. It just seemed normal, but I was overcome with so much panic at the time because I didn't want someone who I felt was too young!
Ah, the concerns of the youth and later on, you figure it would have been better to disregard that one negative aspect about the girl. Oh well, it's time to move forward and learn from those mistakes of being too picky.
My ideal type of girl to marry would be someone who is in a sexual mood and likes to keep herself in good shape and actually looks good. What type of guy really wouldn't want that for himself really anyway? I'm just keeping it real. From my experience, I've found the two white girls I have had a chance to interact with have been the most upfront with their sexuality. In a nutshell, if a white girl has accepted to a date with me and has shown interest with me, she's willing in another sense.
Asian girls have been the sweetest with me. I've left this post alone, so I forgot where my intentions were going with this. I guess overall I'm looking for compatibility and attraction that just keeps on lasting and builds into romantic love. When it comes to dating, it really is like fishing in a sense as a friend described it. Just have to keep making preparations and improvements for the fish that you want to attract and keep around. In a relationship, I like to see it as getting around to doing a lot of fun things together while building intense romantic feelings and then in marriage, going after having great sex. It's overall hard work for the maintenance and development but it's definitely fun and rewarding. It's way better to go after this for a guy than just masturbating to porn, which I'm guilty of. You know a Christian guy from college even admitted to it and he was leading a Bible study group that I was happy to be a part of. He wanted me to stick around, but I just moved on after awhile. I didn't get it at the time with all of these emotions and feeling stuck.
I'm starting to get that I was making people mad and then from being nice to them, they just became crazy with me because they weren't scared or anything and was just feeling anguished like a moron. They were in the moment and having a hard time letting it go. I actually spot that now and can flip the tables, so yeah, I do have some intimidation factor for people who struggle to get along with me. For being only 5'3" and having those qualities of working hard and just resiliency even through my mistakes and trying to keep on pulling through, it makes sense that some taller and shorter girls alike would be interested in me. I might as well just be honest and put my best foot forward at the same time because that's how it should be.
From my experiences, I've had petite Asian women interested in being in a relationship with me. They were never my ethnicity at the time which is Korean. It didn't work out for me. I tried and nobody said anything and it was funny I think if people saw me trying to hit on other Korean girls so I got away with it. I never was able to tie myself down to it. Actually there was one Korean girl I was into now that I think of it, but she was a few years older than me and I just felt that was too much for me at the time. Oh yeah there was another Korean girl who was four years younger than me and I thought that was too much too. She hit on me too a few times and people around me didn't make any faces with me or anything. It just seemed normal, but I was overcome with so much panic at the time because I didn't want someone who I felt was too young!
Ah, the concerns of the youth and later on, you figure it would have been better to disregard that one negative aspect about the girl. Oh well, it's time to move forward and learn from those mistakes of being too picky.
My ideal type of girl to marry would be someone who is in a sexual mood and likes to keep herself in good shape and actually looks good. What type of guy really wouldn't want that for himself really anyway? I'm just keeping it real. From my experience, I've found the two white girls I have had a chance to interact with have been the most upfront with their sexuality. In a nutshell, if a white girl has accepted to a date with me and has shown interest with me, she's willing in another sense.
Asian girls have been the sweetest with me. I've left this post alone, so I forgot where my intentions were going with this. I guess overall I'm looking for compatibility and attraction that just keeps on lasting and builds into romantic love. When it comes to dating, it really is like fishing in a sense as a friend described it. Just have to keep making preparations and improvements for the fish that you want to attract and keep around. In a relationship, I like to see it as getting around to doing a lot of fun things together while building intense romantic feelings and then in marriage, going after having great sex. It's overall hard work for the maintenance and development but it's definitely fun and rewarding. It's way better to go after this for a guy than just masturbating to porn, which I'm guilty of. You know a Christian guy from college even admitted to it and he was leading a Bible study group that I was happy to be a part of. He wanted me to stick around, but I just moved on after awhile. I didn't get it at the time with all of these emotions and feeling stuck.
I'm starting to get that I was making people mad and then from being nice to them, they just became crazy with me because they weren't scared or anything and was just feeling anguished like a moron. They were in the moment and having a hard time letting it go. I actually spot that now and can flip the tables, so yeah, I do have some intimidation factor for people who struggle to get along with me. For being only 5'3" and having those qualities of working hard and just resiliency even through my mistakes and trying to keep on pulling through, it makes sense that some taller and shorter girls alike would be interested in me. I might as well just be honest and put my best foot forward at the same time because that's how it should be.
Backsliding On Easter
On last Easter, I ended up not going to church and doing some dirty acts that I probably shouldn't talk about. I guess I should just post it on here because it is relatively normal. On the night before with Saturday evening, I went to Medieval Times for my sister's finance's birthday celebration. I brought a cute friend who ended up driving up to meet me. She got there earlier than I did, and I was able to make it barely at the nick of time. It was pretty good timing for me. I wore a Robin Hood costume too, which was cool. People were giving me compliments and I was just telling them it's Robin Hood and I was playing my part of being rebellious and decided to not wear the paper crown they give to audiences. It was funny.
My friend wore her hair up and I was like man, she looks a little ugly and old underneath and she looks a bit taller than me at the same time. It was just rubbing into my ego for a little while. She was wearing high heels and for me being only 5' 3", I'm just going to have to accept that girls around my height will love to wear high heels and that I have to embrace it. The fact that she was willing to hang with me around people she never met before was cool. Nobody questioned if we were together or anything, but I think I just said she's a friend who likes men riding horses.
She then wore her hair down again and with her plain white dress with a food design. I told her that she looked good and it looked like she was blending in. She started looking a little hot after she did that and I was like oh my underneath. She voluntarily asked me to take a selfie, and I was pretty nonchalant and went with it. She already has a boyfriend and I'm cool with it. She's a great hangout buddy and pretty hot too. I don't think I'm feeling it with her in some romantic sense anymore, but we do text each other stuff and concerns and she's there for me. Those things are great and I appreciate her highly for it. Her looks are attractive, but they just come and go for me. I'm not riding on those thoughts. People just don't seem to mind at all or make any big scene in front of us that looks obvious with us hanging out. To my mind, we're just friends and have a pretty decent time.
I was a little bored, but the staged arena fights were actually pretty cool and that's what I think was the highlight.
My friend wore her hair up and I was like man, she looks a little ugly and old underneath and she looks a bit taller than me at the same time. It was just rubbing into my ego for a little while. She was wearing high heels and for me being only 5' 3", I'm just going to have to accept that girls around my height will love to wear high heels and that I have to embrace it. The fact that she was willing to hang with me around people she never met before was cool. Nobody questioned if we were together or anything, but I think I just said she's a friend who likes men riding horses.
She then wore her hair down again and with her plain white dress with a food design. I told her that she looked good and it looked like she was blending in. She started looking a little hot after she did that and I was like oh my underneath. She voluntarily asked me to take a selfie, and I was pretty nonchalant and went with it. She already has a boyfriend and I'm cool with it. She's a great hangout buddy and pretty hot too. I don't think I'm feeling it with her in some romantic sense anymore, but we do text each other stuff and concerns and she's there for me. Those things are great and I appreciate her highly for it. Her looks are attractive, but they just come and go for me. I'm not riding on those thoughts. People just don't seem to mind at all or make any big scene in front of us that looks obvious with us hanging out. To my mind, we're just friends and have a pretty decent time.
I was a little bored, but the staged arena fights were actually pretty cool and that's what I think was the highlight.
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
Coming To A Decision
I think I'm going to lay off of the Internet poker now. After spending a little bit of time playing it, I'm once again reminded of how lame it could get pretty fast for me. It just drags after awhile and doesn't feel so fun anymore. I guess it's just not my style for making a routine then.
Instead it looks like my routine would be more suited to reading the Bible, working out, trading currency, cooking, socializing, dancing, music, programming, and running errands. This is what I ought to get myself into then and lay off of the TV and playing video games. I just don't really have time for it in general.
Instead it looks like my routine would be more suited to reading the Bible, working out, trading currency, cooking, socializing, dancing, music, programming, and running errands. This is what I ought to get myself into then and lay off of the TV and playing video games. I just don't really have time for it in general.
Almost Finished
I think the only thing I'm really missing now is doing a work out. I just came home and right away finished reading a chapter of the Bible. I entirely don't understand what I'm reading because it's still the Old Testament. Yet, I'm reading a commentary by a pastor who has taught the whole Bible. He's long passed away now and taught for over 30 years and had his own radio ministry. Reading it has given me a whole lot better insight and I feel sort of bad because it feels like I'm receiving the Word a whole lot better from reading his summary than looking at the Bible.
One of these days, it will connect for me. I think I'm just going to have to continue to pray about receiving the Word and go searching for it. My heart is pretty set on conservatively following it and looking for a way to figure out what the original writers intended to say.
I pretty much just have to work out now to finish up the evening and leave myself open for doing other things. I'm really thinking about playing a little bit of poker each night right now too for real money. It could be a very bad gamble so I don't know exactly. It's just coming across my mind. I did just finish up on working at making good trades.
One of these days, it will connect for me. I think I'm just going to have to continue to pray about receiving the Word and go searching for it. My heart is pretty set on conservatively following it and looking for a way to figure out what the original writers intended to say.
I pretty much just have to work out now to finish up the evening and leave myself open for doing other things. I'm really thinking about playing a little bit of poker each night right now too for real money. It could be a very bad gamble so I don't know exactly. It's just coming across my mind. I did just finish up on working at making good trades.
Tuesday, April 11, 2017
Doing Okay
Today I'm using my iPhone to post something on here. It's pretty rare that I would try to make time to do it in this fashion. Yet, the fast word speller doesn't seem to hurt that much. Just that I have to be thinking in a word for word manner and constantly adjusting the phone view. Therefore, yup it really isn't that convenient as sitting at a desktop. It seems normal though for people to want to do everything with their phones.
I'm pretty much chilling by myself right now at a popular bowling alley and in the past, I would have felt depressed but right now, I don't. I'm feeling really good and enjoying myself actually. I don't really mind. It looks like I sort of turned my own self into a therapist then to be cured of my mental sickness.
A lot of it helped from me giving myself a hard time from trying to workout and intake proper nutrition regularly. It's helped a lot with my confidence along with coming to terms with strong emotional desires that can't be met at the moment.
What I have going for myself is to practically read the Bible again, work on trades, and work out. After that I have other endeavors to get going with. I have really bounced back from a personal level. Honestly I really want to fantasize on a daily basis going crazy yelling at the girl, Oyuri the schmuck. She isn't worse than stupid Lee in my opinion but she was getting close to that level for me. Oh well fun times but even with yelling at her and making all these insults while putting a restraining order on her, I still woul make peace with her in the end and actually force her to get along with me. It would be like her faking it with showing that nothing is wrong and she's fine with me but she's just going crazy and about to explode!
I'm pretty much chilling by myself right now at a popular bowling alley and in the past, I would have felt depressed but right now, I don't. I'm feeling really good and enjoying myself actually. I don't really mind. It looks like I sort of turned my own self into a therapist then to be cured of my mental sickness.
A lot of it helped from me giving myself a hard time from trying to workout and intake proper nutrition regularly. It's helped a lot with my confidence along with coming to terms with strong emotional desires that can't be met at the moment.
What I have going for myself is to practically read the Bible again, work on trades, and work out. After that I have other endeavors to get going with. I have really bounced back from a personal level. Honestly I really want to fantasize on a daily basis going crazy yelling at the girl, Oyuri the schmuck. She isn't worse than stupid Lee in my opinion but she was getting close to that level for me. Oh well fun times but even with yelling at her and making all these insults while putting a restraining order on her, I still woul make peace with her in the end and actually force her to get along with me. It would be like her faking it with showing that nothing is wrong and she's fine with me but she's just going crazy and about to explode!
Monday, April 10, 2017
Planning Things Early
Pretty much the best I can do is to just go at it and avoid some things that might waste my time. I do really want to be successful, so that means I will have to just spend more time on it and try to take out more distractions that might not be so helpful for me.
I guess I don't really have that much time to do some things and I really need to take care of things a lot better so that's what I should be doing then. I did finish reading some Bible chapters for today and that's something because I haven't done so in a few weeks. It's better than nothing. Okay now it's time to get on to trading and then going for a work out.
Pretty much after that, I'll go for preparing this weekend and then if I have time, I will go for doing some more of that virtual reality development stuff. It sounds really interesting and I'm also going to be about game programming in general. The VR stuff with a really sweet computer and some cool games is just icing on the cake.
I guess I don't really have that much time to do some things and I really need to take care of things a lot better so that's what I should be doing then. I did finish reading some Bible chapters for today and that's something because I haven't done so in a few weeks. It's better than nothing. Okay now it's time to get on to trading and then going for a work out.
Pretty much after that, I'll go for preparing this weekend and then if I have time, I will go for doing some more of that virtual reality development stuff. It sounds really interesting and I'm also going to be about game programming in general. The VR stuff with a really sweet computer and some cool games is just icing on the cake.
Cool Plans
It looks like I will be set to do some programming in virtual reality. On the side, I'm still trying to be a great currency trader. That hasn't really left my mind yet.
I'm not really so sure about the girl I met online, but she says she's a programmer too and out of a job. I guess I can use her for helping me out then for some of the programming projects I do. For the work she puts in, I could just compensate for it. She says she needs money, so might as well put her to work to it. I think that would be a fair exchange for me. I hope it works out because I'm taking on a serious interest for her.
I'm not really so sure about the girl I met online, but she says she's a programmer too and out of a job. I guess I can use her for helping me out then for some of the programming projects I do. For the work she puts in, I could just compensate for it. She says she needs money, so might as well put her to work to it. I think that would be a fair exchange for me. I hope it works out because I'm taking on a serious interest for her.
Getting Around To Things
Well, I do have a lot of stuff that I need to get done. For starters, I would like to work out at the gym again and so that's what I'm going to do then.
At my job, I'm feeling rather looking with having a programmer's position. Being able to just sit there all day and try to figure out how to program something is pretty cool. I'm doing okay at it so far.
Well then I need to get back into my routine then so that things will be going more smoothly for me. Man, I'm just writing some filler statements right now. I'm just typing anything because I'm just in the mood for putting something uninspiring on here.
At my job, I'm feeling rather looking with having a programmer's position. Being able to just sit there all day and try to figure out how to program something is pretty cool. I'm doing okay at it so far.
Well then I need to get back into my routine then so that things will be going more smoothly for me. Man, I'm just writing some filler statements right now. I'm just typing anything because I'm just in the mood for putting something uninspiring on here.
Up In My Personal Space
I feel like I don't really have much to talk about right now except that I'm pretty much in my own bubble. This is really stupid but over something silly this one girl was complaining about how I was bugging her personal space. I should have just ripped one there and yell at her and get it over with. Oh well, I didn't because I didn't have a grip of the situation and know what I was about at the time like a dummy.
It's all in the past now. Man dude, it is what it is.
It's all in the past now. Man dude, it is what it is.
Saturday, April 8, 2017
I'm the One Who Controls It
Despite all the advice people give me, I'm the one who ultimately makes the decision. It's just like how God the ultimate creator presented Himself to us and now we're given a choice to accept Him or not. It's the same deal!
I just chose to follow some of these people even though I was so angry underneath because I didn't want to see them get hurt. I think that was my worse worry which was just losing friends that would make want to get along and do stuff they ask me. Yet, if their tempers were high and they were making exaggerated claims based off of fear alone then maybe they were too unstable to rely on in the first place. I made my mistake of trying to confide in them. I should have just went off and do my own thing but I was personally not in tune with myself yet to do so such things. I was just held back. Going through this angry journey was a necessity to become a bigger person for me.
I'm now so much in tune with myself and it's obvious for others that if I do bring up something to fight about, it's going to always end up in my favor. Even if I end up losing some friends in the process, I have to be careful about who I drag in it with me. With the sides having been made up and so obvious now, I know those church people aren't really my friends to begin with and I can contend with them all I want and give them a hard time and even put restraining orders back on them!
From having that angry journey, I've found peace and how to socialize properly among other attractive girls! That should be proof enough that it has worked out for me in the end.
I just chose to follow some of these people even though I was so angry underneath because I didn't want to see them get hurt. I think that was my worse worry which was just losing friends that would make want to get along and do stuff they ask me. Yet, if their tempers were high and they were making exaggerated claims based off of fear alone then maybe they were too unstable to rely on in the first place. I made my mistake of trying to confide in them. I should have just went off and do my own thing but I was personally not in tune with myself yet to do so such things. I was just held back. Going through this angry journey was a necessity to become a bigger person for me.
I'm now so much in tune with myself and it's obvious for others that if I do bring up something to fight about, it's going to always end up in my favor. Even if I end up losing some friends in the process, I have to be careful about who I drag in it with me. With the sides having been made up and so obvious now, I know those church people aren't really my friends to begin with and I can contend with them all I want and give them a hard time and even put restraining orders back on them!
From having that angry journey, I've found peace and how to socialize properly among other attractive girls! That should be proof enough that it has worked out for me in the end.
Time To Get Move With It
I guess it would be great to be up to date and so I'm going to have somehow find a routine to be able to put something on here everyday. What's pretty interesting is that even though I have a very small following of readers I don't even know where they came from, I still sound pretty dang funny when I read up on what I put! Sure, it's pretty normal.
I don't think the guys who tried to screw me in response to not be able to handle something are interested in responding to me that way anymore because they don't want me to lash out at them that would make them look really bad. If I bring it up with those people, I need to be aware that I'm dragging myself into a petty fight and for whatever prideful reasons I have that gets me to do it, once it's over, I need to learn to not let it put me down and get myself over.
For these reasons, I'm just going to use my raw emotions and cheat all I can by exposing everything embarrassing about the person and accusing everything that's on my mind. Whatever is on my mind, I'm just blatantly say it because I've found out that no matter how angry I get with someone, I'm still interested in getting along with that person out of love. Anything that I feel is a big load of me, I'm just going to let that steam get down.
The fact that I yelled at a pastor of his church in front of everybody and threw a religious book that doesn't even belong to their congregation is very crazy indeed. I'm annoying as heck to people who don't want to deal with me and want me to let go of it. I recently made a guy look bad between us two and it seemed like the shine he had built up all these years had just got up and left him all in a moment. Right after making fun of him and exposing him, it seems like he dropped his guard a little and went to being a little more relaxed because he sort of has to or else he'll get in trouble and he knows it.
Just letting out my raw emotions and being honest with how I'm making fun of someone, it hasn't made me really look that bad. However, I feel bad sometimes about engaging in it. I try to limit those emotions because I don't want it running my life. Basically, I prefer staying the cool kid.
I don't think the guys who tried to screw me in response to not be able to handle something are interested in responding to me that way anymore because they don't want me to lash out at them that would make them look really bad. If I bring it up with those people, I need to be aware that I'm dragging myself into a petty fight and for whatever prideful reasons I have that gets me to do it, once it's over, I need to learn to not let it put me down and get myself over.
For these reasons, I'm just going to use my raw emotions and cheat all I can by exposing everything embarrassing about the person and accusing everything that's on my mind. Whatever is on my mind, I'm just blatantly say it because I've found out that no matter how angry I get with someone, I'm still interested in getting along with that person out of love. Anything that I feel is a big load of me, I'm just going to let that steam get down.
The fact that I yelled at a pastor of his church in front of everybody and threw a religious book that doesn't even belong to their congregation is very crazy indeed. I'm annoying as heck to people who don't want to deal with me and want me to let go of it. I recently made a guy look bad between us two and it seemed like the shine he had built up all these years had just got up and left him all in a moment. Right after making fun of him and exposing him, it seems like he dropped his guard a little and went to being a little more relaxed because he sort of has to or else he'll get in trouble and he knows it.
Just letting out my raw emotions and being honest with how I'm making fun of someone, it hasn't made me really look that bad. However, I feel bad sometimes about engaging in it. I try to limit those emotions because I don't want it running my life. Basically, I prefer staying the cool kid.
Grateful and Appreciative
I'm really grateful for my faith upbringing in the Lord. I believe in sola scriptura which is latin for the Bible holds true for everything it says. Yes, it means I am a Christian. I've told that to several people and I have mentioned that I am strictly conservative about following the principles of the Bible.
From doing so and trying to live my way like that, by mentioning that I've hated looking at porn, it surprises a few people to even think that a conservative like me would like at porn. It's basically a topic that girls would prefer not talking about with me, so I understand and respect that and I don't. A homie I haven't talked to in awhile admitted to me how he was addicted to porn and looked at daily while drinking every once in awhile. He admitted to me that it wasn't healthy and he could surely stop and get back on the right track again.
I guess I'm cool with how we talked about those things among the guys, and it sure as heck felt a whole lot better from bonding better with acceptance of our usual "guy stuff" that's pretty dirty. So my mind was thinking about looking at porn, but I chose not to because it's rooted in my desire to just have sex. I'm waiting on the one and only hot girl to be my wife before I engage in high and gratifying amount of sexual activity. I have ingrained in myself to save myself until marriage because I just want to live out how the Bible intended which is to enjoy those intimate moments with a loving wife. Basically, I'm hanging on long as I can without giving into those urges. I want to be the master of myself and it's hard but worthwhile.
From doing so and trying to live my way like that, by mentioning that I've hated looking at porn, it surprises a few people to even think that a conservative like me would like at porn. It's basically a topic that girls would prefer not talking about with me, so I understand and respect that and I don't. A homie I haven't talked to in awhile admitted to me how he was addicted to porn and looked at daily while drinking every once in awhile. He admitted to me that it wasn't healthy and he could surely stop and get back on the right track again.
I guess I'm cool with how we talked about those things among the guys, and it sure as heck felt a whole lot better from bonding better with acceptance of our usual "guy stuff" that's pretty dirty. So my mind was thinking about looking at porn, but I chose not to because it's rooted in my desire to just have sex. I'm waiting on the one and only hot girl to be my wife before I engage in high and gratifying amount of sexual activity. I have ingrained in myself to save myself until marriage because I just want to live out how the Bible intended which is to enjoy those intimate moments with a loving wife. Basically, I'm hanging on long as I can without giving into those urges. I want to be the master of myself and it's hard but worthwhile.
Being Filled With Life
I'm doing a lot of stuff nowadays and don't get me wrong. I'm keeping myself busy in my way and socializing with attractive Asian girls. I seem to have an easier time being friends with them than other guys would. I even hang out with them one-on-one and if one would consider that dating, then I guess it is.
People don't really stare us down or anything and that's what I was worried about in the beginning. I've been hanging with this taller Asian chick and people don't really look at us badly either. Okay, I think I'm doing alright so far and those friends I hang out with are really cool. I enjoy companies with girls a lot more lately and been doing it rather successfully. It's a start really because I was more in tune with other guys. For a fact, I'm pretty cool with the guys and there's more friends on Facebook who are dudes than girls for me.
A few dudes have unfriended me and it's been much more than girls doing it to me. I guess I fell into some weird mindsets in the past and freaked out those people unintentionally. I was trying the best I can without losing my edge. When I did get pushed to the limit I couldn't handle, I just let out my steam in an honest manner. When I held back my steam those other times, it seemed like the people I was doing it to would get worse. When I let it out so very honestly, it's provided me with actually the best results and peace of mind. I'm the type who can bounce back from just being the honest person that I am.
People don't really stare us down or anything and that's what I was worried about in the beginning. I've been hanging with this taller Asian chick and people don't really look at us badly either. Okay, I think I'm doing alright so far and those friends I hang out with are really cool. I enjoy companies with girls a lot more lately and been doing it rather successfully. It's a start really because I was more in tune with other guys. For a fact, I'm pretty cool with the guys and there's more friends on Facebook who are dudes than girls for me.
A few dudes have unfriended me and it's been much more than girls doing it to me. I guess I fell into some weird mindsets in the past and freaked out those people unintentionally. I was trying the best I can without losing my edge. When I did get pushed to the limit I couldn't handle, I just let out my steam in an honest manner. When I held back my steam those other times, it seemed like the people I was doing it to would get worse. When I let it out so very honestly, it's provided me with actually the best results and peace of mind. I'm the type who can bounce back from just being the honest person that I am.
Working Out Everyday
I think a great way to work out is to just go to the place you are going and work on something even if you are sore. I say to just avoid working certain muscles if you are just sore there and to let them recover. There are practically other parts of the body that could use some tune up. Of course, it never hurts to do quite a bit of cardio for working out everyday. It's fun actually.
Now that I've rearranged my room which means that I'm going off topic, I'm going to have to start a new post again.
Now that I've rearranged my room which means that I'm going off topic, I'm going to have to start a new post again.
More Honest Stuff
Well, right now I'm awake and I haven't really done much to post on this blog site. I don't really feel like posting any more right now, yet, like a contradictory person I am, I feel energized to do it once again. I guess it just feels all musty and uninspiring and unattractive to get on to blogging something, but then after awhile it feels magical again.
I don't what it is about human nature just not being in tune with something and then once you are moving along, it just kicks in again. This is how I feel about a lot of things that I've been working on. It's just that I need to be careful that I don't get too carried with thoughts of wanting sex, which is daily for me.
I don't really look at any media or anything, but I'm just longing for that intimate connection with my lover. Oh well, it's going to have to wait. In the meantime, I'll just go after working out because it feels like ages that I haven't worked out. It's been almost week that I've gone without going. I'm looking to try to go for working out everyday if possible now.
I don't what it is about human nature just not being in tune with something and then once you are moving along, it just kicks in again. This is how I feel about a lot of things that I've been working on. It's just that I need to be careful that I don't get too carried with thoughts of wanting sex, which is daily for me.
I don't really look at any media or anything, but I'm just longing for that intimate connection with my lover. Oh well, it's going to have to wait. In the meantime, I'll just go after working out because it feels like ages that I haven't worked out. It's been almost week that I've gone without going. I'm looking to try to go for working out everyday if possible now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)