In A Rush

I'm in a real rush right now. It's not like being a kid again when I could just write one sentence on my computer- "Today, I played basketball" and then finish up my diary like that. It's better to start somewhere than nowhere and there's a benefit to all this because people sometimes think I'm pretty smart. I don't know why they think I'm an intelligent man; it guess it's because I like to try really hard on the stuff I do- maybe that's why people think I'm smart sometimes.

When I try so hard to look smart, then people think I'm an idiot too. It's not like I see myself as a perfect person, but yeah, I can try to justify that I'm a very special person and that I should get paid a million dollars from everybody. Okay, no way!

Finishing Up The Month

I'm expecting to be really busy right so, I'm going to make my quick 31 posts for this month. I'm just doing this because this has become like such an addictive habit for me now to write about just about anything. I guess there are plenty of stuff I have on here that pretty much will surprise people with the things I talk about.

Putting A Puzzle Together

I guess this post is really figurative and feels very cheesy for me at the moment. I don't really have that much time to write on this right now so I might as well keep it short. I am really capable of writing short sentences that mean so significant to me, yeah right. Really? Yes, I'm sure of it. Okay, people are probably like "I don't know what you're talking about." They have the right to think that way.

Trying Not To Freak Out

Life is starting to get really exciting for me right now. I can't go into all the details for myself right now because it's one of those things that's better kept in private doors, so I'm not really going to let it out. My writing did cause some people to get leery and lose focus on something that they should have had already, so it just goes to show that they may have bad character. I don't know, I'm just saying that they could be with some bad character because they can't withstand me man-handling them a little haha.

Even though I miss Betty Lam a little still and I'm writing about her because I say that I like her the most as a friend, I even went as far as to not call her weird anymore in the group of weird people. It probably complicated things even more when I said that some of those people weren't weird for a little bit because maybe they felt guilty so they left the circle haha. Since the circle is like now deserted, it gives me the edge again to do what I need to do.

I must be like a connoisseur of some sort- no, I just like getting lucky and things going my way. I just capitalize on it like a kid enjoying his tootsie-pop. Hey, I'll take it. With my wife being beautiful and being this lovely woman even if I can't outgrow her in physical height; well, I'll take it for the enjoyment if people know what I mean. Hey, a regular guy trying to sport a giant, attractive princess as a wife takes some guts and confidence to be successful at it. Doesn't happen too often, but I guess if the Amazonian princess is happy then he's doing something right with her.

Opportunity With Opened Doors

Right now I'm doing the straight path road now. It's going to require me being away from home most of the time for the next year or so, but the logic behind it is that there's the most work available from being able to stay away from home. Unfortunately, I'm going to be missing some good friends but hopefully I'll still be able to hang with them when I am home. I'm going to be working at putting in enough time with working so that I could eventually be able to work while being able to stay home everyday.

I believe that it's a period of having a wake up call and beginning to smell the coffee dealing with something. It's a lot slower in others, but the best part is when a person realizes something really dramatically and gets to eventually finish a task. It's just about staying persistent and putting in the hours while grinding at something that is pretty much a guarantee.

I guess when a person has a failed business or two then it would be logical for him to find a job to pay off the debt before going back into managing another business if that's what he really wants. I'm starting to not care about what people think about my profession because I'm just in it for the money now. I need something to pay off the bills and if this industry has a lot of money especially transportation then I guess there's a reason behind it. It took me only five days to land a paying job from this one industry that has money; furthermore, it took me another week after to get certified. It's really fast considering the amount of job searching I've done in the past- I've really tried avoiding going this road but it's the most straightforward and logical thing for me to do right now.

Good Kind Of Suffering

Sometimes, having emotions that feel like struggling and getting through some of the toughest battles is a thing I marvel about with myself. Regardless of where I end up, it just feels like we could be in good hands if we were to search for it in our lives. The Hope of God Church in Los Angeles is like now deserted and for me that's great news because they really had no influence in my life. It was really all about what I wanted to make out of my own life when I was over there.

I just have a longing to help them out still. Even though I feel worn out over the thought of going back there, I think coming back to help out the youngsters who are in college might be pretty good. These young men and women who probably barely turned twenty have a lot to look at for their future. They could seriously lead a great one and be good people and not like those sociopaths I dealt with a few years ago. Even though they could be married, marriage life isn't really always that fun anyway- it's going to have its struggles so I laugh at them being married anyway. Oh yeah, I have a wife that I'm talking about too- she's just beautiful.

Being smart has its perks so working and studying hard is well worth it- just getting those good grades is like forming a habit of excellence and it can build on you and lead you to more happier things if done appropriately. There's no need for feelings of recognition or anything like that- it's just doing out of necessity to feel comfortable. If the mind and heart is willing, then it could achieve those impossible hours of staying awake to cram information just to ace a test and feel that sense of satisfaction. There's no need to feel burnt out and feel lost while studying because it can absolutely be a healthy thing to do. If I go back, I want to encourage these young lads in college to study hard, lead great careers, and be really happily brought up in the love principles that are found in the ancient Word of God. Man, those Bible writers were really onto something back then talking about placing our focus on a loving God and living out what He intended which is loving the Lord and then loving others like yourself. I don't know why people think this is so evil and don't really live it- it's like people are misinformed or just choose to go all out living in a stubborn direction. There's freedom in worshiping a loving God; however, the cost is humility over one's soul.

Latest Update

Because of me not really doing much, I made the weird people I mentioned on this blog leave Hope of God Church in Los Angeles all together. I have a friend whose a brother of another guy I used to drive over there while we were going. These former church people were falsely accused me of saying that I caused people to leave their church; however, the guy I drove to that church still wants to attend. See what I mean, I really didn't cause anyone to do anything especially if this guy still wants to attend. I don't know what these people were smoking at the time, but anyway it looks like they were just going through a major hangover.

I've heard stories of the famed Annie Tran getting married now to some guy hahaha. I actually say that I would never have had any chance with her because it looks like I would never really have wanted to dedicate myself into marrying her anyway. So Annie getting married makes me feel a little bothered in the fact that I can't believe a girl like her managed to do it. Oh well, it's her life and marriage life can be a tough one to battle sometimes. Maybe, she doesn't spend that much time with her husband and hardly knows him so they manage to stay married or something; I have no clue whatsoever. Anyway, I'm trying to tap into my human conscience to see if I can make any reasonable conclusions about her and come out of this discussion happier than ever.

Actually, the only person I really miss out of the gang who left is the girl I wrote about and said that I like her. The very girl who claimed that she was afraid of me is still attending that church Hope of God Church in L.A. every once in awhile. It doesn't make any sense, except that I have come to reason she did sort of like me but it wasn't necessarily music to my ears because she seemed to be too bossy of a lady to me hahaha. I don't really like girls telling me what to do, but I've learned to block it out now and still do it for the girl when it seems appropriate to do so no matter how lazy I want to feel about it.

I have Betty's number, the girl who left the church. She still has it on and I've left her voice messages- I've said that I like her repeatedly on this blog. Wait a minute, I revealed that I have a wife to talk about so umm, she's just a friend that I like. I said that I liked her and that I would hook her up with a guy named Washington. Man, she was so mad.

Dealing With Loneliness

Loneliness to me is just an emotion that lingers in my heart for awhile. It's just yearning for a companion underneath and looking for that pleasurable moment if people know what I mean. Being out on the road to earn money like this guy named Bah (how sheep cry) can be pretty hard on a bachelor like him. He obviously is probably used to being by himself so it would be easier for him to flip the handle when he's around others. He probably knows how to deal with these feelings of loneliness because maybe he prefers to honor God by not marrying or exercising any homosexual feelings- I have no clue whatsoever, I don't even know if he's sort of in that field from not marrying somebody.

My wife is beautiful by the way, but I'm only saying so I can get by this boring post that I'm making talking about who I think could be sort of on the other side of the fence. It takes commitment to be married to any woman, but it seems like not all marriages are made to be equal.

Timing Things Perfectly

A lot of it to me is really about working hard enough and obtaining enough favors from others. I think if a person works really hard at something and initially puts enough time into it, then he or she will find a break in life much more easier. It just seems to be a principle that working a lot harder to master something and then receiving breaks from people who are just going to be lenient with you is the way to go now.

I never thought that being perfect professionally at something would even be remotely possible, but by striving towards it, it was obviously very difficult. However, things don't always work out as they seem sometimes. Anyhow, working hard to obtain something professionally by being near perfect at it is well-worth the risk now for me. I should have had a lot of issues solved for myself in the beginning by working at fixing stuff for myself. Now, I'm seeing that life isn't so bad after all.

Having No Time To Write

Obviously, I've been finding something better to do besides just commenting about how beautiful my wife is on this blog. Actually, I'm a pretty short Asian guy who doesn't look that short for being an Asian guy. Nonetheless, it seems like short Asian guys can still get by and be successful. An old Korean saying is that the shorter you are the more chilly the pepper becomes, so I guess it's just a saying that even tall people can be a little off too and short people can still get stuff done.

Being short doesn't matter period. I'm short and even if I was a couple more inches taller, I would still say that height doesn't matter now. I guess if the person is comfortable with his own shell then that's what really matters the most.

Not Caring So Much About Annoying People

Yeah, I've been around a lot of annoying people. At one point for the last couple years, it was a huge concentration of annoying people I had to deal with. I know what sort of makes them annoying and so I don't really apply it when I'm interacting with others. I don't really need some cheap affirmation anymore whether it comes from writing in text or talking to someone. I would rather show what's up with my line of work now.

I can also talk to annoying people and make them so angry that they can't do anything about it and possibly pop a vein. It isn't really me that's forcing a person to lose his or her temper; ultimately, it's the person's decision to take a personal chill pill. Why do psychologists just sit there and take it all in, no matter how bothersome it would sound? I guess it's important to have a good time sometimes.

I feel like being normal as my way of showing some courtesy to some weird people now. Like my friend's brother the other day was being a sociopath big time and making inaccurate assumptions while claiming he was right and not really helping his personal status of alienating himself with the world just so he can avoid anything bad happening to him. I didn't care whatever insults he was making- I just simply didn't care because his comments were weak. My friend was telling him to shut up all the time, on the contrary. I guess it only gives his brother a reason to defend his weak propositions. Actually, I was never told to shut up that much when I was anti-social at one period in my life; I guess trying to be nice still even while being mean at the same time works in most occasions. I think it's going to work for me in whatever I need to get going now; I have a better read in people's decision making process, so getting out of a person's bad side is what I specialize in. Anyway, I don't really need to depend on them so much if God is the perfect being for me who I can depend on, so there's really no need to wait upon them for something I need so badly. I can just hurl bad remarks at them, force them to laugh, and get what I need them to do, so they benefit others.

Switching Gears

It looks like I almost had it all if I only made that decision slightly a little better. In life, being exact all the time would be great and save a lot of headaches and time. However, the draw back is that it takes immensely a lot of time and focus to get into the habit of it. Either way, a person is eventually going to have to pay for whatever he or she personally decided. If the practice of being a good person is so hard and not something a person wants to do because he or she might end up smiling about doing something selfish, you know what I mean; well then, it's going to add up no matter how sorry the situation becomes.

Seriously, it's hard to discern these types of moments without really being able to slow down and assess oneself. Just being on the go and then just completely shutting down right after going back home, it might really keep a person from seeing something about him or herself. Ultimately, being lucky for me meant that I put in a lot of determination and hard work. I guess getting lucky like that is really worth it and self-pleasing.

After exploring so many options and really thinking like an employer and researcher, I really know what I can do to be financially well-off now and have plenty of time to myself to do whatever I feel pleased to do. Obviously, with all the time I have, I really need to still give back to the needy- not all of my money, but an acceptable amount to try to help them get on the right track. Honestly, it's just logical for me to not really help everyone because I want to beat the competition too.

Best Thing For Me To Do

It looks like with the condition I'm in, I feel like I'm always one step behind for finding something better. The only way now that I will be able to come to avail is to have enough money because I know how to invest it properly for something better now. There are still jobs out there that people can get their feet wet in, but I guess there are also people who don't really want to do anything and don't really have to worry that much because they didn't really dig themselves in a whole.

This is the situation that I'm facing now and it's so real. The places where people can go for earning enough payments is simply an industry that has a lot of money and need more people. It's really simple and it doesn't matter how irrelevant or difficult the job is, that's where the money is at. Some people are lucky enough to be able to afford the luxury of not really having to go out and still be able to chase after their dreams. I guess that's a good thing.

Taking A Nose Dive With Writing

It's just one of those days where I'm sitting around a cooling room and just thinking about something wonderful like how beautiful my wife is. Having beautiful kids was something that I never really dreamed of when I was little. I think with age and just the phase of growing up, it just dawns on some people. It's life- take it or leave it; make the most you can or leave it; heck, if I still had the body of a little kid then I would keep trying to find something to make my life meaningful. Finding a wife would be really hard and people would laugh at the thought of it, but I don't seem bothered by it anymore.

I'm not saying that being a midget sucks. He or she is still a human being, including my sister who is like a border line midget. I think after she did some exercises, it only intensified my view of her as she became smaller before my very eyes.  Because my sister is not really a midget, then I guess she's just classified as short along with everybody else whose shorter than her including babies, yep. Hopefully, my sister isn't going to scream at me when she reads this- I doubt it because I think she wouldn't mind me poking fun at her like this; in fact, she sort of likes being short. It's sort of logical because many guys like to treat out smaller women and in her life, there are many taller guys out there who would want to treat her out.

Blocking Out Stuff

One of the things I had to deal with because I was really sensitive about this was being able to ignore some things about people that I really normally don't do. For instance, a lot of people seem to act like rednecks every once in awhile by cussing. Like my friend doesn't even say that he's saying a bad word when he says the F-word; he's really that ignorant. He's really lost in his self-portrayal of himself- like he thinks he's really unique and awesome in his own way while not really succeeding with some things he would like because he's just too uncertain about the future and has a limitation to what he thinks he can achieve.

Some people were just born to be winners and others were born to be losers. One has to just put in the time and have the responsibility to pick him or herself up when down and try to succeed. This is all part of life and intended to be part of one's journey in life. It only makes sense for my condition in that I should put in the necessary time to get to where I want to be. Like my friend for instance, I've told him that he's not getting good grades in his classes because he's just not studying enough by not staying up. When I've seen him study before, I think I observed him falling asleep in his chair and succumbing to his sleepiness. One time he told me that he stayed up all night and then after waking up, he had missed the final exam he was studying for haha.

I've felt like getting angry with my good buddy whose a professor over the subject of thinking like him. When I think of it, it's decisions that he made and he's just weak in his decisions and therefore there are consequences. He's just forced to deal with it because he just doesn't want it really that badly and has a pretty high tolerance level of where he's at. If I was mentally deprived then I would study so hard day and night, if I wanted to get somewhere with my studies. It's not that it's impossible, it can be done. My friend told me that he can't do it because maybe he gets really bored and lonely sitting there trying to force himself to study and get too tired, so he would rather avoid studying and do something else because he just can't push himself that hard on himself. I'm accepting him more as a person with limited capabilities in learning and that he's weak in certain areas that he claims he's really strong in- he's still my friend and my energy level of wanting people to be somewhere is something where I have to learn to balance with compassion and understanding dealing with others who might never really come out of it. Therefore, what I've learned these days is still loving the person who I feel annoyed with from not being able to pick up on stuff I'm trying to get in his or her head.

Problem Child

Being a problem child was never really in my blood. I guess I'm one of those kids who grew up with the ability to pick up on things if I only put a lot of time into it. I think it's normal to be this type of person, but some people just can't do everything no matter how hard they try. My mom says that people who can eventually end up doing anything by setting their minds into it is a rare thing to find.

In a way, I think it's true too because even though parents like to push their kids to study their way through school to hopefully maybe expect their kids to hook them up, which is sort of funny and cool to the parents of the child; some of those parents never really did well in school anyway. It's like when a parent tries to encroach upon a double standard sometimes then it's like getting the kid to think the parents are overreacting and maybe even become more misguided than ever. I think it's best for the parent to do his or her own homework too and encourage the child to do the same and hopefully lead a pretty successful life.

Back From Something

Okay, I guess I don't really have that much time to blog right now because all I really want to do right now is go out and run. I want to run hard and blow off some calories and lose like 20 pounds in three months. No, I'm kidding- I only need to lose about 10 more pounds. So in about 3 months, I would like to lose 10 pounds which doesn't seem so bad if I add up the numbers. It's only losing 1 pound per week.

I guess a lot of it is about commitment to some things. I need to really reanalyze everything that's happening for me and just come away with it now. The problem for me is that I signed on to something that's been keeping me busy all week long. One of these days, I'm really going to have all of this figured out and the day it happens, I'm going to be pretty happy and hopefully enjoy an okay life while being able to help others out. Yeah, I guess what I'm looking for is stability and joy in being able to give back to others in a healthy sense.

Forbidden Palace

ARRRRGGHHH, Who Dare Disturb My Slumber?!


Fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of a Yankee! 


My instinct is to think to myself, how revolting. Now, whose going to cruise with me. Let's go on an Internet cruise. Okay go to Google and type in your favorite word and just pick a random site and then hit the donate button on their site and then make your magical donation which will raise some eyebrows. Sound like a good plan? 


Okay, not really. Notice, I intentionally did that to get the attention of my intelligent readers who probably didn't need that. Seriously, I almost fell for my own trick- I'm not playing the lying game. Confidence ...
           concentration...
                       coherence... 
 coherence.... coherence ..... coherence ..... coherence xxxxxx coherence 
     xxx coherence coherence ..... coherence ... coherence xxxx 


I guess my forbidden palace is very abstract based upon I'm putting here, so you can have access to it if you can get something out of it.


... cultivation, camaraderie, and craving are all part of the C word group that overrides that C word people like to use to convey distress.  These C words basically represent success in a person- try it, there's no need to say that C word to convey that something didn't go where you intended.