Friday, June 30, 2017

Dating Ad

I figure no one is really going copy word for word my profile description, so I'll just share mine with the small crowd of interested readers here. I don't think Stupid Lee is really going to want to waste her time reading this blog anyway! She's probably not that stupid, but she is in a sense that she can't behave! Oh, just behave miss!

Description: (ah ha, finally a bold word)
I'm looking for a cute and nice girl to date just for fun. I'm not very demanding of your time, supportive, and understanding. I am open to chat or hear you out with any subject without going too crazy in the end. This is what partners in crime should be about. I'm definitely cool with just hanging out regularly as friends (kinda the same thing for me as dating). I'm okay if you're seeing other people too. Dating should be fun! Looking forward to you being my number one person still on this whole wide world.

Well, there's many fish in the sea so that's one of the many examples a guy on here could use to find someone to date. Good luck living up to it though because that description is definitely me!

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Thoughts About MTG

Magic the Gathering is a bunch of held-back cuss words to me! It's a dead-end interest, but I just can't help it. It's like a drug known as cardboard crack! It's a trading card game where an authentic card in print that was designed by the company over 20 years ago is worth over $50,000. It's legendary to the field of avid players just like me.

The creator of the game meant for this thing to not fully be based on skill. He wanted luck to be involved in it, so it's really about building a deck that has the most consistent runs based off of luck. My decks can beat the world's best, but the champion decks are somehow better. Oh well, it's a dead-end for me and my cards are just so-so in the end.

Putting It Together Again

Okay, I can't really put myself to reading the Bible everyday. It seems like a simple task, but I just can't do it. I might as well just start off the day normally and whenever I can, just say a simple prayer or something.

With my day being normal by working out after getting up, I know how good it is and how some people suck at doing that. Well most have to get ready for work or they want breakfast. Maybe some want to watch their favorite news broadcast or play with their dog or whatever. There's variety of people with different interests and for varying reasons, like they can say they got hurt and have trouble losing weight because of it.

I don't really care actually. When I do run and feel the pain while passing by people, I sometimes feel discouraged to tune thoughts of how people don't want to workout. It's okay though because finishing what I set out to do is the best!

Basically, now I'm proposing four things instead of my simple three that I was trying to continuously repeat and live out. It's now exercise, trade, Bible, and cook!

Cool Plans

I'm trying to work on some VR programming right now. It's expensive as heck! I'm looking at putting together a build that will be over $6000! It's cutting edge and top of the line stuff. It interests me a lot, and I don't have so much of that impatient and painful feeling anymore with working at stuff.

I wish I had this mindset when I was college and knew the path I wanted to lead. It's better than nothing that I'm still in my 30s. With the women in my life, they are practically friends with the exception of maybe a few who I consider interests in a sexual or romantic manner. I'm really not so sure at the moment. I imagine myself settling down with them and some pitfalls that I may hate because of their personality.

Building a relationship through friendship with girls has been helpful for me nonetheless and I've gone quite a ways to get to where I'm at now. It's like when I made the effort after an opportunity presented itself, I literarily jumped a few floors in a short period of time. I think hard work ethic is cool and to not be so mad about things anymore. One thing that's helping my confidence now is that I accept that I have a Napoleon complex which has worked out well for me.
  

Adjusting Plan

From realizing that I have a Napoleon complex that has given me good results, I don't really need to be mad anything anymore. Combining it with my faith in God, I'm unstoppable!

Basically, I'm trying to study and tune in to the Word of God daily. It's healthy in a way for me. I've been having a hard time to just get started at opening the pages of the Bible. Actually, I'm now just using an app and I'm just a finger swipe away, but I just don't get to it. I'm letting my mind just roam doing something else like surfing the Internet and learning to deal with these hormones of wanting to have some nice-and-good, hard-and-long sex!

With this company vacation coming up, it's a great getaway and I figure it's time for me to now date a nice and cute girl for fun after putting in a lot of effort to find one. With this mentality and having this general habit of adroitness, I think I'm in the right place with being a programmer. I enjoy it too and the challenges that it works up for me!

My main course of action will be to wake up and go work out, take a shower, work on some trades and then read the Bible. I might start taking evening showers which I hear are the best once I switch back to the typical 9-5 shift. Along with my three main stuff that I've been working at doing, I'm now looking to add in some cooking routinely too.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Making Plans

I guess I want to make a living through investing properly in stocks and currently, I'm stuck on trying to trade currency for profit. I'm just looking at charts on different time frames and looking for all of those sensitive levels. It's become so much like a science for me! A part of me wanted to say that I'm lying. Well, it's more like a business rather than a science. I'm trying to ride high fly with this thing.

I really think I have a Napoleon complex which makes me go after stuff and to keep pushing even while I'm exhausted and fed up with things. From being a short guy, it makes sense to be called with that label from having that personal ability. In a way, I guess it's needed in this world because some people have to do all the tough brain work or most of the physical tasks to keep it maintained.

I'm starting to look like who can't function if he isn't at the right place and hasn't placed it in his heart. What's in my heart is really a life of a programmer and volunteer work as a medical doctor. I also value my play time a lot and would love to indulge on many different interests, so that's why I want to be an ultra millionaire and marry a sexy woman who loves to make love practically.  

Putting In Effort

I realize that a lot of things don't really work out for me, but at the same time, it feels like a few things make it feel like the stars are aligning. I don't really know how to explain it perfectly, but I can say that I really have no reason to be angry at Hope of God Church in Los Angeles. I mean I'll speak to them nasty and angry when I go see them someday after I complete my oaths to God. I mentioned oaths in a plural sense, so yeah, it wasn't just one oath that I said to God, it was two oaths! Know what they are? I don't have to keep them a secret because I didn't blow up my candles for them.

It's to be a millionaire with a six pack. It's completely irrelevant to that church and that's the whole point. They are irrelevant to my life now. 

Friday, June 23, 2017

Trying To Waste Little Time

I ended up donating about $6,000 to a scam artist. The person was pretending to be in love with me and asked me to cash a check to pay for her mom's cancer surgery. She played all her cards right and made herself seem to be a cutie with no cash and completely broke and fatherless. I was like aww, I guess it's real if the bank cashes it and they tell me it's completely real. That's what they told me and stupid representative wasn't paying attention to the check so I lost 5,000 instead of 6,000 which came from buying her a 800 Christmas present. A stranger who I just met online and never met in person. Man, I'm such an idiot.

It's funny that I learned from this horrific experience. To go bankrupt from losing $6,000 is pathetic!!! I'm not bankrupt but I decided to just tell the scam artist no more money and ask her if she's on drugs or addicted to sex. I might as well just make peace with my stupid nature of falling in love with a scam artist and move on. This is what I did and it took me about two months to get over it.  Losing 6,000 personal cash for most people is just eye-popping man! Well, at least I stopped it before bleeding even more.

Trying to chase after love is hard and can cost you a great deal of money. Man, I'm so stupid for having given into it. I need to just let my Napoleon complex fire up again to make myself into a successful millionaire with a six pack!

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Starting or Ending the Day Right

Currently, I'm working in the afternoon shift. My mom unfortunately had a freak accident that left her breaking the wrist. I'm pretty much trying to help out my mom without doing my usual day shift. Now that I think about it, I feel turned on by a friend who just texted me. I guess this is from trying to prevent myself from looking at porn. She's cool though and taken, but she doesn't act like she is. The guy she's living with is someone she calls her partner and maybe that has meaning that she's already consummated with him. They seem to act so cold around each other when I've seen them together. It only feels like I have an opening with her because of her warmth and friendly character with me, but what I'm expecting from a lover could be outside the normal comfort zone with most girls anyway.

 Chris-sucks-a-lot introduced four babies already with his wife so he probably had some action. His wife seems to be cool, but I guess they are busy and have all these normal worries. Overall, I think he's whack so I don't envy him at all.

If I go whack with my Napoleon complex, then Chris-sucks-a-lot will be my friend. The world will be speechless or have thoughts they would be afraid to even talk about with me. If I stay sane, then I don't go crazy and have a piece of mind that can develop into a consistent champ. I prefer the later to be honest and who wouldn't?

Having gone whack with my other whack psychotic stupids I have worked or socialized with, I haven't finished my dirty deeds in the longest time with them. It looks like I'm learning to compartmentalize being a socially adept person from communicating with friendly hot girls like the one who texted me. I've probably just texted mainly girls instead of guys the whole week, even though it looks like my social media is totally inactive.

It's funny how I look like a player right now, but I'm not really. I lack confidence to ask any of them out and I guess I don't feel a proper opening to pursue after any of them right now. I'm still living with my mom who has a broken wrist right now and trying to take care of her now. I would like to have my own pad too, or it would be nice to have a mansion.

Overall, I think I'm too busy with obtaining my goals right now that I'm really side-tracked from feeling confident about landing myself a girlfriend. To end this long-winded post, I think I need to start the day by waking up really early or get everything I set myself out to do done by the end of the day.

I'm pretty much looking for an appropriate opening now to express my inferiority complex with the people I'm angry with now and then go after being their friends again. It's totally inappropriate but I don't care because they aren't family to me and I don't care how selfish it is or how illegal it's going to get. I'm just going to express everything and release the tension because in the end, I just want to be a friend and will tell them to get some professional help to move on and become my friend!

Tying It Together

It really looks like I'm not a talented writer. I may be better than some of my friends, but if one pits me with others than I'm not going to receive any credit compared to them. This is how I feel and have come to an acceptance. Largely by habit, when I write, when I do take a risk, it has usually ended up disastrous for me with very few supporting my trolling.

When I decide to play it safe by trying to politically correct, then nobody really cares that much. If I have said something amazing from putting my effort into it, then not enough people care to like it. I'm just not able to connect that well then and that's how the world is. If I give into my Napoleon complex on the other hand like a maniac, then yeah, I have received some recognition. Usually people give into my antics if I take it that far with my speech and mannerisms. I'm pretty much a reluctant jerk going in for the kill, or that's how I feel at least.


Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Going On Writing Binge

I'm just talking crazy here and totally unreserved. I don't feel comfortable talking about masturbating and porn and other unclean stuff on the net. It's not my style to really bring up in general. I'm totally just going rogue and open with myself in this whole propriety thing of keeping things to myself.

Normally for my own interests, I will hang on to stuff. Obviously, if I end up breaking the law to harm Chai Bee Sting or Chris Sucks-a-lot or Goof ball Golf or even Jerky Jarred, I still want to be friends with them in the end! They will seriously have some massive problems in being my friend. It's a no-brainer! They would need to get some professional help to make it happen with me.

With me about to unload with explosiveness with a bunch of no-name losers, I think they would want to respect my Napoleon complex.  I have a huge massive one at times and sometimes, I just try not to care while I'm really angry. Maybe it's my anger problems coupled with my inferiority complex that makes me try to go overboard. I think they were afraid of me going there. Since I football tossed a Book of Mormon that whizzed past through Pastor Chai Bee Sting, I think that made Oyuri the Schmuck be like "Oh, you're a psycho!" the whole time with me. I blocked her on my Facebook profile after telling her off. No need for such nonsense!

Actually, I'll talk to Stupid Lee because she's the one who started it and tell her that I have her blocked on Facebook with my fake profile and that I want to be friends with her again. The incident wasn't really that big because she was just having sensitivity issues. She's stupid and looks bad for what she did and I don't care! I'm a reminder that she sucks at living in general and I can live with that while parading around her and being a friend at the same time.


Helping Nobody

This blog is of really no help to anybody. I'm not really sorry. It's very egotistical and not something I'm proud about promoting. I tell people I have a blog, but don't tell them to read it. This is more like a semi-journal. One stupid girl named Oyuri the Schmuck even claimed this whole blog is a fake!

Whatever man. One thing that I do notice about writing whatever here is that it's keeping me from going insane. This is pretty much my outlet to talk bad about people my way which is just being blunt. Hey it's the truth and if they read it and hate it, then the joke is on them because it's a truthful observation about them. What better way to get personal things off my chest right?

It's smart, funny, and even to a point sassy while commenting on strategies to approach this person who I think is an imbecile. In my nature, I'm called to love whoever so even if they are a bunch of little weenies who just want to be left alone in the day, I need to call them out to get some professional help to help them get over something silly that they can't let go of!

I want to make peace with Stupid Lee and Oyuri the Schmuck still to this day! I might just engage in this sarcastic run this time, but only after I manage to become a millionaire with a six pack.

Okay Whatever

I read a research about how a man who ejaculates 21 times a month will lower his risk of testicular cancer. That's one thing of looking at it from a health perspective, so why not enjoy recreational sex often with the wife? 

Here's the problem. I'm not married and I'm a numb skull from lacking the skills to land a hot girlfriend to be my wife. I don't even know if the girl will keep her looks after getting married, so in a why I'm hesitant about it. 

Whatever man. If I fall in love then all else will follow through I guess. It's just I haven't and from reading up on what other sites are saying, it looks like avoiding pornographic material will engage more motivation for the guy to go seeking after the right woman to settle down with. 

I'm pretty dumb in this area and an idiot. I haven't  really asked anyway from lacking confidence with myself. I think that's the biggest thing for me in that I lack so much confidence. Maybe, I'll just commit myself to follow a book and if it doesn't work then ask for my money back I guess. I'm just not going to be a jerk to the ladies, even if a book calls for it. If a book mentions about being a mean guy to get girls, then I'm going to ask for my money back. 

I guess I can try chasing after girls out of my league because I know that I'm expecting them to turn me down anyway, so I know that and they know it too. About the whole cancer prevention thing with guys, it's the involuntary movement of the muscle from ejaculation that must be healthy. I think I can get plenty of exercise with the muscle by not looking at porn and fighting my temptations with the girl I'm trying to chase after. Even better, if she's willing to go steady then yeah, there's all the practice I'll get one I settle. 

I might as well let my mind go crazy and warped here from not giving myself into fapping material and not even doing it. 

Friday, June 16, 2017

Pretty Cool Idea

I think it would be sweet to get a six pack and become a millionaire. Yeah, who wouldn't think that's great? I mean after I obtain those two difficult things for myself, I'd like to show it off to those church people if they are still around. I'll just go visit and show it off to the people who are remaining there. I honestly don't care if I never ever see them again in my life and if they left the church for good. 

If I do see them, I want to go after being their friend but I'm going to be very sarcastic with them in a blunt manner first for awhile and will be teasing them and bringing out all of their negatives out in the open with everybody whose around them. Yeah, I have a strong vendetta to do this and I don't care. I'm not stopping with showing off my six pack and talking about how I became a millionaire. It really has nothing to do with them. It's just my date with God. 

I made an oath to God to go visit that stupid church with Stupid Lee as their fallen and weak vessel leader, right after I obtain the million with six pack abs. Girlfriend wise? I'm too short, so the best thing I could do is just put myself out there and go after meeting people. I don't really meet attractive ladies who are single. I've probably got to know and hang out with about four of those girls so far last year which isn't that bad. The count is only going to get bigger as I keep them around, and I've been doing so while it being so fun.  

Plans For Early Retirement

It looks like I want to live a life with a lot of free time and I'm really blessed to be living in California weather. It sometimes can't get better than it is here, so the costs of living here are high in most cases, even though there are areas here that go unnoticed and fall very cheap. 

I don't really really mind settling peacefully in a great community and being a law abiding citizen. Let's see, now I have playful names for the people I've been writing about. It's just a play on with my sarcasm, but I've been managing to rant well by just speaking in a blunt tone these days. It really seems to alleviate my anger issues and keep me from going stupidly insane. Stupid Lee, yeah she's not all there, and was smiling when I scared the heck out of her once right after she lost the court case to put a restraining order on me. Goof ball Golf isn't all there either and I don't know how he puts up with it. Jerky Jarred was being stupid too, there's !@#$ Annie (literally I still struggle not to swear while having memories of her).

I don't really have names for Betty yet, but I used to wrongfully call her Betty bud in person like screw buddy in secret. I want to call that guy Chris Sucks-a-lot. Not much you can do, but try to laugh it off I guess while expressing yourself about the past therapeutically and go after moving on. I would still like to be their friends because I don't care how bad they were or will still be because they can't handle something from misjudging a situation. It really shows they all lacked some character after all. I wonder if I should name the pastor at that horrible church, Chai Bee Sting. Oh yeah, I've been forgetting about Oyuri the Schmuck now. I could continuously send her trash talk messages to bother her because she's so sensitive and gets angry for fun, but I don't want to get too carried away with it now.  

Thursday, June 15, 2017

So Inconsistent

Well I'm just ranting about how I plan on trying to visit Stupid Lee and Goof ball Golf after I become a millionaire with a six pack. Stupid Lee lost and well that settles it! Stupid Lee couldn't get a stupid civil restraining order extended with me. Oh well, I don't care that she lost and still want to be her friend. If I read this about myself and I was a girl then I would be flattered so that's why I wrote this sentence.

Anyway, I'm a system developer these days and doing some of that just to help out. Man, it's cool! I think that's where I'm supposed to be anyway so might as well just branch out and try to make millions on my own with some good help. I'm going to be doing most of the work, so might as well call myself the owner then. I'm really interested in doing it and going for it.

But I'm so inconsistent man. I need to figure it out sooner or later and I'm starting to feel that sex is totally overrated. I've been swearing behind people's back while no one is around and calling out girls' names that I have an uncomfortable memory with. Now that I think of it, even with those memories, I still want to be that girl's friend! It's probably just Stupid Lee who I want to work on eventually being friends with again.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Trying To Master Time Management

Well I don't know how this happened but I managed to not look at porn while I was craving it in the afternoon. I kept myself busy and was thinking to myself how selfish to do that when my mom had asked me to complete something for her. I would rather be a momma's boy than feel sheepish later about having looked at porn and have a date with Jill again, over and over again.

Anyhow, I'm glad it turned out that way for me. I did play some games and my Magic the Gathering deck is just rocking against some world-class decks. Well, I can lose while not knowing what the opponent has so I can't say I beat someone who played it very well. My high school buddy who I introduced this game to got hooked and he isn't that bright. He used to be a pretty bad son of a cranky man while we played this game, but he's lightened up with a few lessons. I just might attempt to create my own foil proxy MTG deck. There's plenty of YouTube videos for it, so that's pretty cool in general.

Also I was thinking to myself about killing time while playing poker. I don't think it's a good idea for me and I got carried away with that again, so I'm not going to do that.

Basically, it's just coming down to reading the Bible and I've been stuck at studying one chapter so far, going for some exercise, and trying to manage some long-term Forex trades. It's really my main core and if I have time, I'm also playing music and singing songs while trying to get something going with cooking as well.

I have a bunch of other stuff that I can do too and now that I have researched on what I'm looking for, the military life doesn't really have anything I'm interested in for doing something career-related. It would really be secondary and I don't think that's a good thing necessarily. I guess I'm lucky with where I'm at and I should be working hard and grateful to actually have it.

Managing Personal Stuff

I have a dream for a volunteering position. It's funny because I don't think too many would dream about doing an full-time occupation for free. Mine is being a medical doctor at a remote and peaceful village to all the unfortunate people living there.

Think of all the costs to go to medical school and how debt would accumulate. It's crazy right to even sign my life away at this point, when I'm in a period where I should be trying to settle down with someone and maybe start a family. Who knows? If I lose all my friends to a catastrophe then maybe I will go on this type of spiritual awakening.

Also I'm really grateful for the friends I have recently hung out with. I think I was naturally really good at it and just relaxed. It was a little hard at first, but I guess it's only natural anyway and I don't think I have much to worry anymore. Ethically speaking, I think I'm clear of any guilty conscience right now.

What I'm just noticing now is that I had a real connection with a fellow believer from almost ten years ago now. I'm still acting nice with her and no real complications about whatever she decided to do. I think I'm on clear waters with her and have always been. It's a blessing to realize this. It's a true friendship that's built on grounds of spiritual growth. No wonder why she acted different with me while the others went coo coo for cocoa puffs. 

Long Long Time Ago

"Do not do unto others what angers you if done to you by others" Matt 7:12.

About 9 and a half years ago, a Christian friend emailed us to answer two questions in response. I realized what I sent is something I put my heart into composing. I had given it my all so it's not too bad.

The first question:

1. What group of people do you not know much about but would like to? (elderly, youth, homeless...etc)

1. animal lovers, musicians, writers, artists, famous people, doctors, lawyers, business leaders, open people, promoters, single male parents, young married couples, travelers, homeless, backsliding believers who are friends, indigenous people,

Second question:

2. What are you really passionate about? What makes you angry or excites you?

2. I am very passionate about being alive and doing something that feels meaningful. I like to play sports, too. I really hate it when family members or employers yell at me, with the exception of nice ones doing it. I need to fix myself from yelling back, only by the power of the Holy Spirit.  "Do not do unto others what angers you if done to you by others" Matt 7:12 ... I also do not like feeling pushed away in anything small or big.


Revisiting #1,

I've met an animal lover (myself), musician (myself), writer (myself), artist (high school buddy), no famous person yet, doctor (friends with an optometrist), lawyer (met her for Stupid Lee's civil restraining order case which I submitted to and then she failed to get it extended so she lost in the end and that's all that matters!), business leaders (some of my classmates are directors, my sister included, my dad and relatives are one time, I worked with a bunch of them), open people (myself), promoter (myself), single male parent (not me, haven't met any), young married couple (have friends), traveler (myself), homeless (I have helped him out, but he was part Cherokee so he got compensated), backsliding believers who are friends (yeah), indigenous people (from Africa, maybe in Cambodia).

 Basically the only thing left to do on this list of people I've met is just for myself to get world famous! I don't know why I really want to get to know a single dad.

Revisiting #2

Yeah, I'm still happy to be alive and trying to make living worthwhile. I still play sports too; mainly basketball all myself because I'm too short. I can swim and run all by myself too. I also indoor rock climb all by myself too. Yeah, I'm a loner when it comes to playing sports.

The most important part of this whole post is what makes me angry and understanding it. Well, let's see how can I put it?  ...

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Developing New Stuff

I guess I'm starting to understand where I'm headed as a friend and totally comfortable with the girls now. I'm surrounded by non-Korean girls, which would probably suck to my parents still. I guess I was just going through some personal issues in regards to interacting with girls and trying to be nice about it. By me talking trash and pouring out some insults in my own terms with some girls, yeah those girls supposedly didn't take it too well!

Anyway, that's life and after all of that frustrations passed through, I was able to come to terms with it and now resolving the past conflict hasn't been much of a headache for me. I think to those girls who were affected by my trash talk, I have reason to believe that they want it to mean death if I ever bring up the past again to discuss it with them. Yet, as funny as that seems, I have reason to believe that by letting them know they need to move on, if that limits them from being friends, it means they are having a hard time letting it to, so it shows that they are conflicted in general and nobody likes to have that image among friends. In general, I believe it could be a persuasive point for them to not act so rude with me and then get me to trash talk some more to them.

Moving On

Just from actually finally getting a handle of how I am as a person in regards to how I act while I'm mad at people, I'm starting to get the hang out of it with letting past incidents go with people. I understand those people sucked in general and I mean it while I'm laughing about it at the same time.

I think they were just heavily influenced by something else that they really had no firm grasp or control over and became brats about it. It's pretty annoying in general, but I guess since they were young or inexperienced about it, we were all pretty much in the same boat.

They aren't the greatest nor are they the best and I know their bad side and from recalling the past bad stuff is going to just be put right in their faces with me as their reminder. Despite knowing all of this, I'm a little bit careful now and at the same time, I want to be peace with them. I really like to reconcile in general and yeah, I think they may need some help to move on from this incident where they were just brats about it. I like to be a strong character in general as a person.

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Update On Routine

Well, all of that trash talking has been from going back and trying to delete some old e-mails. It's brought back that past itch to do some more trash talking with those individuals who are like now quiet with me. With Oyuri the Schmuck having been the most vocal with me, after blocking her Facebook account with my original account, I won't really be hearing from Oyuri the Schmuck for awhile now. I actually ended it on a high note with her too and she went quiet all of a sudden too with her replies for days with my other account for trash talking purposes before I decided to just block her account for fun with that one too!

With that con-artist who is now my fake ex-girlfriend, I don't even know if I was texting a man or woman or kid or even a he-she! I can't even be for so sure anymore, but I lost trust with [her] supposedly so I ended up putting her on my block list too. Man, she tricked me into taking out my money from the bank. I didn't go bankrupt because of this result, so that's how when everything started getting fishy. She even was so cold about it and said that it wasn't her fault! I even hired her to do a task for me and she didn't want to do it either. Man, that's so lame. I ended up blocking her after giving her a lengthy text about how stupid I was to believe her.

I guess I learned something complicated and instinctual from these two incidents of trash talking Oyuri the Schmuck, a dim-witted girl who thought I was stalking her by messaging her trash talk. I also learned from someone who was just posing to take my money. She didn't constantly ask for it, it just slowly crept its way in. I've never experienced that and maybe, I just got lost over heels. It's just too weird I can't say that I love her now from that exchange I went through.

I did get to practice some texting though. I now have a few real female friends to practice with for fun! I don't think I need that fake one anymore.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Message of Reconciling With Stupid Lee

***This letter is something I'd like to call my end game. In a RPG, the final levels are where your character get to be at its strongest and especially if you are going to be able to battle other players to test skill sets for fun, it's very critical actually. I feel like I'm in that stage now with Stupid Lee after all these years. She was a stupid adversary, so I am calling her Stupid Lee. Even in the e-mail, I called her Stupid Lee but made it come out to be something like a loving, pleasant tone. ***

I don't care Lee, even if you were successful in putting me in prison, I still wouldn't care. Even after all the stupid things you done, so I feel like I'm rightfully calling you Stupid Lee in a loving way. So yes, Stupid Lee, you stupid sheep, in a loving way, I still want to make friends with you again.

I was talking trash in a subtle manner the whole time, even with the poetry and all of those messages trying to instigate you to let go of the issue that you had trouble relaying to me out of fear, agitation, or even both. Stupid Lee you were being too selfishly sensitive and ignorant about the whole thing. I guess you aren't mature enough yet and it's only delaying the inevitable.

I don't care how bad you are going to look over this incident during the after effects now. Usually, people just try to disengage or go away properly when something has been brought to everyone's attention that they have been educated. I think that's you, Stupid Lee with me now these days.

If you can't be friends with me now then you are having trouble letting go of something still after all these years. I'm willing to be your friend, Stupid Lee. It's easy to me so that's what these e-mails are now about. It's to get you to go find help if you are still agitated, annoyed, or even scared on something with me about. It's about seeing you move on because if you can't respond in a friendly manner back to me then yeah, you need help to get over whatever lies underneath you that makes you want to blurt out with yelling or talking softly with a mean manner to it.

Man, I love reconciling!

[Name withheld]

Understanding Discipline

I spent my morning after waking up watching YouTube videos on useless entertainment information. Basically, I was reading up and watching up some South Park clips for some laughs. After doing that, I basically let my mind wander around for about an 90 minutes and it also included trying to look at some sexy pics of beautiful models. I think that's pretty much how my mind is wired right now for wasting time. 

By letting my mind wander off like this, I think I'm only delaying the inevitable of what I really want to set myself out to do. Yet, I've come to an acceptance now that by putting myself out there, I might not end up with what I've wanted all along. Even if I do obtain something, it still might not be what it was cut out to be. 

One of the daily struggles I have right now but have been defeating so far is that I haven't been playing online poker. I've now come to the conclusion that it's too time consuming for me to mess around with and can also mess up my psyche if I end up losing a lot of money from gambling. 

Coming home yesterday at night, I wasn't in the mood for completing what I had planted in my head. It's probably my Type B personality clashing with my Type A thoughts. I think I'm really wasting my time all along with just planting useless information into my knowledge stream. I don't see much value with what I'm surfing the web for. There have of course been some delights and gems that I have come across, but over all, I've been sheepishly aiming at nothing. 

I think I really need to start making some changes now. For the start, I could try to wake up earlier to let saying a prayer and then studying a bit of Scripture be something to start off my day.  I think that's truly when it feels like my day has begun. Because of my resources that I've invested in, it's getting me to examine the Scriptures closer and it's like I can't just skim through the Word anymore. I might have to break it up into several parts of the day to get to my goal of studying the whole Bible in one year.  

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Getting Back Into Gear

I would really like to focus once again and be consistent at gaining success. There are seriously ways for me to put myself out there and I just have to keep working at those things. Anyway, I'm just coming to an acceptance with all of it.

I just don't care about that church now after all these years. I don't really care who is there, but I do know that I will end up talking trash to the ones who still don't want to move on after all these years! Time for me to go work out now.

I'm starting to see my daily life unfold and I'm trying to get there still. I just need to discipline myself and just push for it and lay off of wanting to play all the time with video games. I'm still wanting to engage in thought sometimes with sex obviously. I guess I'm not going to force myself to deal with it like I'm playing with fire. I have already made up my mind to wait until I'm married for it. I think it's better for me.

Friday, June 2, 2017

Simple Routine on the Fly

I'm going to just try this again because I see it and whether or not I fail, I'm just going to write about it to see if I can keep progressing. It looks like I've created a comfort zone with this blog, but I'm not about to put down something heavily crazy here that I know will put me trouble. It's like if I hate someone, I'm not going to write down that I'm going to kill them. It doesn't make sense, right?

Okay, so I'm realizing that reading and studying the Bible with J. Vernon McGee's commentary will take me about an hour each day. I'll set aside for that devotion and maybe if I get bored or totally into it, I'll start reading other resources I have for fun, but that's the main thing I have going to start off. Working out comes next and then thirdly it's really about learning to trade Forex for me. I pretty much have all three.

Now it seems like all three don't really fancy me so I'm going to try to add in cooking and also game programming this time around. Also, I like to play music so I'll be on the piano or learning to bust some tunes on the guitar. I'm definitely into socializing as well, so that's another aspect about it. I really like the idea of meeting attractive girls through dancing with them, so I think I'll try to pick up on some dancing techniques too. It's fun after all and I'm shorter than at least 1/3 of the girls in this side of the world, so who cares, I'll learn to be comfortable with it.

Creating Routine

I'm back to my good old ways of trying to make a healthy routine.

Studying the Bible is something that I always feel is a part of me and something I hunger for in a daily fashion. Right now, I'm trying to go through a yearly Bible reading plan. I am using an app called E-Sword and have purchased a $40 companion of the commentary by Dr. Vernon McGee. His work is a delight to read and try to absorb with my limited patience and lack of attention.

I'm just prayerful that the Word will get me soon up to date and reveal to me all the wrongdoings I've been succumbing to and that I will be able to stay humble and steadfast. Yeah, my personality likes to get along with people. I can't stand some things out of wanting to feel a little jealousy too. I don't understand how a multitude of people can just like something that I don't feel connected to sometimes. I guess that's life and something I accept in knowing that person is someone I have been associated with.

Yeah, I'm weird and not that well favored. I'm very undisciplined at heart but make strides to keep pushing forward. It's only been recent that all the silly troubles I put myself through has been because of my trash-talking tongue! It was something that I really tried to control and yet some unsuccessful individuals around me were having trouble and started to feel frightened and tormented by me in a funny way. Okay, I'm starting to feel for them now and whatever others do because they don't see anything in value with me, it's cool I guess.

Thursday, June 1, 2017

More Trash Talk

*** This one goes out to a multitude of the people. I ended up removing Annie who was actually part of the group because it doesn't make sense. I ended up writing a pleasant e-mail to her like a bona fide girl-getter would, so why should I make it look like I'm about to blow up in her face? It doesn't feel right in other words. The other girls on this e-mail string don't really meet my physical standards so I just didn't care. I also ended up removing people who I name called 'Jesus Freaks'. I guess that means positive reinforcement. ***

Hey guys remember this group from Hope of God LA just reminiscing about it from way back then? That's because I'm [name withheld] and you all suck! I was having trouble opening up and you all had to be dumb about it. You all need to get some professional help to get over whatever the situation was. It's because I want to be friends again. ***NEWS FLASH*** I'm playing dirty and unfiltered this time. Basically, if you attack me I will beat the living daylights out of you just to defend myself. I will return back the favor whatever you all do to me. Like a restraining order? I'll put one back on you. I was lazy back then, but now I lost everybody's address so might as well come back and give everybody on here their first.
Actually, I could care less if you all died or never ever showed up again to Hope of God Church again. I'm visiting after struggling to get myself right with God and making a million dollars with some six pack abs! It has nothing to do with you guys.
I literally removed Annie from this reply list because it actually makes sense for once in my lifetime lol! Can't go switching around being nice and mean all of a sudden. One direction and one flow...meanness to you guys! lol
Some of the people I removed from messaging are Jesus freaks and their love for Christ showed because they took compassion with me. You guys most definitely struggled and have anger and pride issues and I will shake it all off happily and mightily by playing very dirty this time and it will be a legal fashion to get you guys to self-check into a mental hospital. I'm going to have fun this time and have high levels of concentration for getting physical with the multitude here because I'm just returning the favor. I'll even call the cops on the property to complain from just feeling that you guys are breaking the law! Check out all the past and current trash talk I'm doing to you guys on http://academyofscud.blogspot.com ... basically, I'm about keeping it blunt so that's what I think can't get me in trouble from going really crazy with you guys.

Concealed Smack Talk

***This one goes out to the pastor, Chai. Yeah, I'm seriously smack talking to him this time around. I am concealing my actual speech here and giving him no room to respond to me in a way that helps himself. It looks like I'm totally ready to bring it and take him down just for fun, which might be an unnecessary headache for him that he wants to brush off. ***

Hi, I heard some spiritual discussion about you and was wondering if you could provide something I need. NOT! I'm just kidding you because you suck. This is [name withheld] and if you attack me, I will smack the living the daylights out of you to the point that you get hurt so bad out of self-defense. I'm not going to hold back anymore and will talk to you totally unrestrained. I don't care, I will just call them if you do something I think is really illegal and I will be sure to question your motives by bringing them out into light this time.

Yeah, you seriously need help if you can't handle being a friend all this time which is what I want after all. I'm going to come visit that church whether you are dead or not or not even at that church anymore after I become a millionaire and have a six pack at the same time. It's my goal that I'm struggling with while trying to be right with the Lord and it has nothing to do with you. I will also place a restraining order on you and return back the favor that you do to me in response. I don't care if you think I gave you incentive, I will return your response back to you. I hope you are happy because I'm going to be that way regardless of what you do and me doing the same back to you. I'm really good at talking honestly and making an impact in a way that others will see you for what you are, whether it's negative or positive. I don't care now.

Hard Work

Not much going for me except that I still want to become a millionaire with a six pack. It's the same old goal. I'm still trying all that I can to better myself.

It's just time management I guess and learning to adjust to things while making the best out of my time. It's pretty hard, but I think it's worthwhile. Even though I'm feeling so addicted to something at the moment, I guess if I ultimately know that it isn't good for me in the end then it means I should logically stop myself. Otherwise, it just means you are trying to kill yourself.

Coming to an acceptance and making the most out of what I have has been very difficult. Yet, I'm pretty much ready to give it all I got now and take it to the finish. I think I owe it to all my adversaries with being a gentleman by bringing it all I got and being relentless about it if I do choose to go after something that is in keen opposition with them. I'm seriously ready to just bring it and play totally unfair to the point of winning this time around.