By letting my mind wander off like this, I think I'm only delaying the inevitable of what I really want to set myself out to do. Yet, I've come to an acceptance now that by putting myself out there, I might not end up with what I've wanted all along. Even if I do obtain something, it still might not be what it was cut out to be.
One of the daily struggles I have right now but have been defeating so far is that I haven't been playing online poker. I've now come to the conclusion that it's too time consuming for me to mess around with and can also mess up my psyche if I end up losing a lot of money from gambling.
Coming home yesterday at night, I wasn't in the mood for completing what I had planted in my head. It's probably my Type B personality clashing with my Type A thoughts. I think I'm really wasting my time all along with just planting useless information into my knowledge stream. I don't see much value with what I'm surfing the web for. There have of course been some delights and gems that I have come across, but over all, I've been sheepishly aiming at nothing.
I think I really need to start making some changes now. For the start, I could try to wake up earlier to let saying a prayer and then studying a bit of Scripture be something to start off my day. I think that's truly when it feels like my day has begun. Because of my resources that I've invested in, it's getting me to examine the Scriptures closer and it's like I can't just skim through the Word anymore. I might have to break it up into several parts of the day to get to my goal of studying the whole Bible in one year.
