Saturday, September 30, 2017

Time To Try

I guess I'm going to be crazy and go running in the afternoon. I think I'm really motivated and don't mean anyone bad, but I guess I'll just live with it and take it easy to say the truth.

Better Experience

I guess I'm so tired and it's hard so I need to do the best I can while in that situation. For the most part, I think I'm going to have to just work efficiently as possible so that I wouldn't have to worry about that part. When it does come up, I don't know, maybe I could stop by and get some late night and light coffee or something because caffeine doesn't seem to last for a long time anyway.

Also, I figure that I wouldn't want to stay up late anyway and wake up the next day well-rested. 

Trying To Play Catch Up

I guess I'm doing the best I can right now with everything. It's really hard for me so it's just tough to put everything together. I just need to work at it and put my time and word into it. Yeah, it's pretty tough in general for me.

I guess I'll do whatever I can. I mean it's great to be an understanding individual and solve people's problems especially your own. I think there's a sense of self-control that needs to be required. Along with that, there needs to be just bravery with opening yourself up and letting everything known about the situation. Also, there has to be a sense of confidence and self-assurance with assertiveness at the same time.

From doing this, I think it's not too hard to deal with stupid problems that people are doing. I guess ideally loving them and meaning well is probably better on the long run then just being angry and going crazy over somebody. I'm aware of all of this and while being in the moment, it's hard to keep in check with all these things sometimes. I guess that's the point of learning and going back.

I think with all the stops that people who are just being bad with me want to do, I think I can outsmart them now while just being entertaining about it with others who get bothered by that person. I have the ability to play my cards however I want to do and end up winning. It's not such a big deal after all.

Managing Time Better

I seriously need to manage my time a whole lot better and make better sense out of it. I'm losing so much precious time and hours from just sitting there and watching pointless YouTube clips to relax. I guess I feel something underneath me just pushing me while I'm doing activities that I feel are not so satisfying. Yet, it's really just based on this craving for reading things that I'm interested in and it's not doing much for me.

I think I really need to self-monitor myself better and just be aware of my weak state of mind. I have gone out of a terrible mental disease anyway. I'm fortunate and blessed and give credit to the Lord for bringing me out of it. I really should dig more into Scriptures and be patient with it to gain the knowledge I need to live in this world while feeling more guided. I think it's more than that though because I just can't rely so much on my feelings anymore and I just want to only for the sake of being satisfied with having fun.

I get this drive and want to finish stuff that are pointless after getting the craving. This is probably why I'm wasting so much time now that I think of it. I think I just need to be aware of it. I'm not really going to benefit from seeking a therapist or anything because all I'm really doing is just writing about my problems already anyway and from doing this, I'm gaining better awareness of how I am. I guess it's a good thing over all then. I just don't have affirmation from anyone knowledgeable and that is something I'm going to have to work for in obtaining so I'll be a lot more confident with the direction that I am heading.

Making Strides

I guess it's not the end of the world for me and it is really fun with a lot of things that's going on for me. I mean I'm hanging out with girls and actually pretty good friends with them! That's better than being a lonely dude out of the loop somewhere for me.

It's better to do something then not do anything at all. Despite me still feeling sleepy, I guess this is the part where I just need to keep trucking along and putting in the effort. I'm just not consistent because I guess I just feel like I don't have everything that I'm aware of. Yet, I have grown to be very appreciative of what I have here. I guess I'm praising God for it, but I don't have balance that I need.

Mainly One Thing

I guess I just need to utilize my time better and to be able to stay awake until it's time to go to sleep. That's pretty much the only difficult thing for me.  It's just managing my time and sleeping while being happy I guess instead of it being involuntary.

Catch Up

Well I'm just on here to say that I'm really bored now with the thought of getting off on porn. I would rather have a sexy wife who is into getting rather intimate if you know what I mean. Along with that it would be nice to be successful and have a lot of time on my times while staying healthy.

Besides just trying to waste my weekend really not doing much but feeding my cravings for winning at simple games, I think I could let go of that silly activity because of it just feels a little too much in excess for what I want to have going.

Friday, September 29, 2017

Uh Oh

Okay I haven't posted on here for awhile. Time for a little catch up. I'm just making a filler post here. Technically, I could just do this everyday but I'm finding that writing whatever is in my little head is practically funny and can be bad for people that I'm trying to bash if they decide to read it and figure it's directed right at them!

The good news is that I still like being friends. What I just heard on the radio is that everybody isn't perfect for each other because we are sinful people. It's just nice to be understanding about it and personally work at it.

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Follow Up For Efficiency

It's starting to feel a lot more simple these days. Especially with me being cluttered with a lot of different things, I do really have only three main things that I would like to get done on a daily basis. It's pretty much study the Bible, work out, and learn to trade or make money with that.

Instead of just procrastinating, I think it's better for me to just get those basic steps done and then go after extra credit with staying ahead of things or being consistent with things to the best of my ability. This would mean that I'm not going to have time for some fun things for awhile, but it's life so sacrifices need to be made to get that winning point of fulfilling my dreams.

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Going for Efficiency

I'm starting to understand what it takes to perform really well now and what good discipline means. For myself, I see that it's about continuing to push myself and to let some stuff go as needed. There are some things that are beyond my control and to dwell on it, it's really just taking up my time when I should be wise about my time management. It's hard sometimes but a lot of the stuff that I get caught up with isn't really that important to me anyways. It shouldn't be that hard to move on from and to re-center my focus on something that I desire.

It feels awkward to just have that feeling of being lost, but it's during that moment where I'm supposed to just keep on pushing forward and going after completing my rigid schedule as necessary. I'm not the little kid that I used to be and still a part of me wants to remain that way and to have the comforts of luxury in life, but I don't think God intended for me to have that. Not without putting in hard work first anyway!

I totally get that I'm an adult now and how it's about manning up. Basically with dating, unless I'm going after dating women who are highly interested in sex, I should stay away from dating sites. I think the best quality of getting a hot girlfriend will really be from conveniently meeting her at like a venue we both happen to enjoy and maybe somehow can run into each other from being introduced or something like that. I think it's really about putting myself out there and being open to making friends and understanding and cool with everybody's time.

I'm pretty much like an alpha male with my short height and I think I'm one of those who can disprove a general idea that short guys can't find happiness with a sexy women. Whether she's taller than me or not now, I think I can entertain dating a taller women without feeling too awkward about it. I guess I can be really happy like Roman Polanski is with his taller and hot trophy wife. Hmm, a trophy wife eh? I think I'll work on being more photogenic so people won't think that way if I do get lucky with scoring a really hot lady.    

Simple Review

Well, I'm not doing my optimal best and I could do a whole lot better. I haven't really been touching my trades ever since coming upon that tool and should really be more consistent with learning it. I think it really is going to be my ticket to financial success. I'm just going to have to work hard at it by being consistent at it. I know that it's probably going to work this time around.

I did read a few verses of the Bible today, so I could just strive to study about three chapters to do to approximately finish it in a year. I do have it accessible on my iPhone. I guess it could be worse for me and it's not like it isn't accessible for me, so I should just take advantage of the resource available to me and pray to the Lord as well. I should do all of this in a daily fashion.

I finished working out and I'm trying to go for doing it everyday if possible. I'm also trying to be consistent with my photogenic enhancing stuff too. That's pretty much all I have going while trying to improve myself at being an entertainer. I'm short and only 5' 3". Oh well, I don't care anymore what people think about it, but I do care about getting more muscles though.

Doing Best I Can

I know I'm getting warmer with having everything set up. I think one of the things I need to do is just keep pushing myself and pushing aside some entertaining ideas as less important and go for practical things even though it may feel boring.

For the most part, I don't think dating sites will come that much in handy anymore unless I'm looking for people who basically want sex! Probably the best option for me in meeting open people could very well be just going to places where people just gather and making friends. I think the best relationship may actually come out of being introduced by a good friend.

Monday, September 18, 2017

Height Doesn't Matter

I totally got the solution for short guys now, but the short guy needs to be highly motivated and smart enough to make this work. The short guy also needs to generally have a natural inclination with not liking with being a selfish person. If you are a short guy and have those prerequisites, it's really quite simple. For myself, I've been lucky to be hanging with two cute Asian girls at once. They are sisters and one generally made herself hot and I get along with her really well like she wants to think of me as big brother, but I have that feeling she wouldn't mind being more than that. They both are also trying to help me get me a hot girlfriend.

 Here's the general outlook that I put together in a few seconds. I'll try to reorganize my thoughts and put it together like I do while coding programs. A few steps to do:

1. Work out.  It doesn't matter how much good friends tell you that looks don't matter. It really doesn't after falling in love but work out! We are in the early stages of finding a hot girl and she is a dork and will have filters on while hoping to find the love of her life. She's a dork because other dorky people told her that the right guy is this certain type like being super tall is hot. Stupid I know, but if she falls in love with a tall guy, she won't care that much she first felt that way get it? Don't be selfish and angry short guy with Napoleon complex and be like trying to make her feel guilty. She's going to be with the guy she fell for and you liked her originally so why change your mind and act stupid? I don't get it why I was able to think that some stupid bros do this.

2. Go for looking photogenic. I've slept over at my lady friend's house in her room and when she wakes up, she still looks good from being hot but that's not the point. She still wants to put on makeup to even look better! There's definitely something to talk about and maybe this is for closing in on friendship to talk about this stuff, but I just added in there because looking good for photos will probably get people to think you are too good looking for this hot girl and that might help with confidence and not get you feeling so possessive of her if she wants to do something else with her time and doesn't seem into you. Instead, you can just work on different hot girls until one of them sends you the right signal.

3. This is crazy but it works. Even if it hurts with the girl you are friends with, when she says no to you even if she says she's busy because she's not interested in an activity or actually busy with no reason to give you, have a positive response. It may feel like she ripped your heart out sometimes and will never ever respond to you, but if you weren't weird with her in person and stayed honest and open with her while having true and good intentions, she'll stick around you as at least still a friend.

4. You really got to open up and be social with an extroverted personality. A short guy who does this is seen as masculine and masculinity is seen as sexy and not for the "friend zone" cute! Just being a quiet short dude who doesn't work out and looks nice while saying small phrases and just separating himself from reality to think about how this girl is looking for him while going on autopilot with the date isn't going to cut it for the ladies. The dates will most likely suck for her.

5. Got to pop the question eventually. You like her? Feel her out first and let the feelings of how hot she looks go away for a second. This is where being smart and unselfish is important. You need to examine the compatibility with this girl. Are you also ready for the big commitment?

6. Make lots of money from being successful at something. Be a go-getter. This is so masculine and will attract so many ladies with your focus and on top of that, you have so much money that hot gold diggers will try to buy their way in and match the personality you are looking for! This is where you got to be smart from having all this money and free time, which is important. I know what I'm looking for, but have you put the thought into it to know?

7. Oh yeah. Be nice to people. People are going to be like "this short guy" and "this short guy" and going on and on and on about it. From being sensitive and genuinely a nice guy which is hard to come by for a masculine alpha short guy I have become more like, they won't bring it up so much about you being "this short guy" and might even be rooting for you!  

Message to Weird but Cute Looking Girl Who Was Mad At Me

*** Well, for the most part, I think what makes her look pretty hot with her recognizable, facial features is that she's lucky to be born with a thin body and manage to keep it there. Her potential to be emotional in a dramatizing manner is enough to annoy my less savvy friends and complain about her with me. I don't know, I was never really that into her though but I have to admit that I think she looks good now. Especially from all the girls I have met and the ones who seemed to show interest, I think she's one of those I just let get away from me but it might have been the right choice if I look beyond her looks anyway. ***

Hey Michelle, this is [name withheld], the little guy (5'3") you blocked on Facebook! lol
Height doesn't matter because of your DMV license yeah I remember seeing that cute photo with your listed height and age. I was like hmm, nice seriously. It's a good thing that I'm scarier than you are while we were both mad at each other for stupid reasons. It's because I'm a nicer person. You had to go complaining to your good friends like Rosa about me. Yeah, I know and I don't care. Being straight up with you is the best move I got so umm, I guess you are hot for your age lol. You gave me very noticeable and enjoyable hugs, so yeah I get it. The truth is stupid and I'll tell you.

Washington was a total cuss word with me because he thought I was a terrorist and put a restraining order on me. I never went to jail while I got off of it, so at least I'm a safe and friendly terrorist if you think about it with my sarcasm. This means Washington is stupid and deserves me being mad at him because he couldn't handle his girly emotions from being a dude, which I expected out of him! I wanted to get a doggy bag and light it on fire after putting some of his dog's poop on it and ring the doorbell and then run for my life! Yeah, it's immature and got it from a movie. I wanted you to tell me where he lives, gosh dang it! I was so shy to tell you about my immature plan that you totally misunderstand me and turned into a jerk! Who cares because you're a girl and didn't get much out of it and got scared and I'm ahh smarter and nicer than you are. 

Yeah, it's the past and I have a guy's attitude with pursuing friendships with girls who were crazy to me by turning them into good friend status. It feels very good to me and like to do it. So yeah, I think you look good Michelle and I'm trying to work at being a bit more photogenic and it's not too serious to get over. I kept it short, I could have turned it into a novel to make you mad but nah, I'm just the type who likes to get over weird stuff in relationships and rebuild a better one from it. I'm not mad at Washington anymore; he's a dope but doesn't mean he isn't human and I also stayed a step ahead of him by luck, so yeah feeling good from that luck I had is enough to overcome the past. Here's something cute to end this with, if I ever meet another girl who reminds me of you, I'll treat her well. 

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Future Endeavors

I have a lot of cool projects that I want to complete, but I just don't have financial security for those activities. I don't even know if it's going to turn into a hit. I'm basically taking a risk for diving into them, but I'm so interested in going after it and want to make time for all of it.

First off, I really need to be well off financially before I can get there and I don't want to work for an investment company either. It all makes sense that becoming a professional investor on the side works for me without having to go through all of that licensing. I don't want the responsibility of managing other people's money. It's not even my dream! I just think that being wealthy from setting up this successful cash flow model for me will allow to have the freedom to do things that I wildly imagine. I would be a lot more comfortable giving $100,000 to organizations to conduct the Lord's purpose, for example. It would all fit in God's plan.

I guess whenever I have the chance I will. I don't have time to do everything, but I am seriously taking up this whole hobby with taking photos and trying to be decent at it. I'm no talented professional but it would be fun to share what I think is cool and putting my best foot forward while trying to study good photography in a natural state. 

I'm seeing where I'm headed and it's really practically having no traditional job while making plenty of money with free time to do other cool fun projects that could be expensive and might never even be profitable. It would be fun to try though or to just make adjustments as needed to stay updated and improve. 

Today's Plans

From now on, I'm really going to try to dedicate myself more to my schedule and adjust it for purposes of time management. One of my biggest obstacles is that I end up knocking out while slowing down late at night. If I can stay on the move until it's too late and by giving some effort to complete some plans then I think I'll be good. I need to be able to do this consistently and to review my options and goals.

I woke up unusually late today from messing with my own sleep cycle and being interrupted by my mom. I have a job and paying my parents rent which they don't need, so with the 800 dollars per month check I write out to my mom, she cashes it in the bank to invest into her savings account. Okay whatever! Where I'm living is really nice though, so I can't complain about having a family deal so it's one of the minor nuisances with my mom so if I put up with it this long, then it can't be really bad to keep it going for awhile until I at least find a nice and attractive lady to marry.

For my plans today, I'm just going to take some supplements, go for a run, drive back, load up a second serving of supplements, do some growing taller stretches, take a shower, do my face and hair with some products, read the Bible, get my car an oil change, get my eye brows trimmed, cash my pay check, load up software on my laptop, do a little research for a class, maybe lunch, hang out with my lady friend, and then from there, I'll give myself free time to do whatever. It's just that I want to double up with the hair, facial, and dental products with a rinsing shower first before I go to sleep.

My mind is currently addicted to learning about trading the markets successfully, so I'll be working at that too if I get a chance which I don't think is a bad thing.

Friday, September 15, 2017

Pretty Crazy

From all the lonely nights with masturbating to porn and having a job with enough money to treat out a girl, I'm still a virgin at age 34. I'm one year older than when Christ died while being married to no one. Well Jesus is God so God is technically immortally and forever not married to any of His creation with man. I'm just saying that because there is a Greek story about how Zeus fell for a human lady and from out of that, Hercules was born and the jealous wife Hera who tried to kill the baby. I thought it was cool to watch the 90s show dealing with the adventures of Hercules and how the creative team wrapped up the series by allowing Hercules to kill his dad Zeus out of self-defense to protect an innocent child who was born to end immortality of all the popular gods in that show.

I'm fortunate to have met and hang out with girls who want me to be in a happy and committed relationship. Like these girls in college are young and they have tried to set me up on the go with girls who are actually hot! One of them was telling me what to do, but I failed from having a headache after drinking some bottomless mimosas with friends. I didn't think that was going to make me feel like that and it was funny to hang out with more girls who were just acting wild with each other. I thought it was fun and didn't care at that point of how I looked.

I'm getting a lot better about overcoming my insecurity with being around taller women. I've been hanging with a taller Asian girl who occasionally hints at liking me more than just being a friend. Her personality is just like that, but it's also easy for her to be attracted to a bunch of other individuals. I might be a little too much on the adventurous side for her, but fortunately, I'm so chill about just sitting around while hanging out and chatting with each other. It's been cool to engage in some deep conversations with each other and even get to the point of talking about having relationships with other people. She's like a partner to me now.


Keeping It Simple

I ideally know the type of woman I want to marry and think a straight man would have to be stupid to not agree with me. She's gorgeous, really smart, and nice. I think those attributes along with her physical beauty pretty much sums it up for most single guys out there who are still looking for their mate.

Of course, with things being the real world, I don't think it always comes into play. Feelings of whether the girl is pretty, smart, or nice is always subject to change. Especially when it comes down to the thought of having to live with her for the rest of your life and commit to being a family.

That being said, I don't think there's anything wrong with being single unless the person is feeling lonely. It would be cool to be unique like that and not have that loneliness from being totally into something else. I guess just picking a woman to be a partner based off looks and great qualities will make just about any average guy happy to be married to her. She's the wanted one and gets to choose the guy in other words, but if both the eligible and great guy and her get married, hey, it's the best of both worlds and no crazy ex will probably bug them if they seem really happy with each other!

I'm lacking just quite a bit and that subtle amount really can drop my standing. It's like the world's best athletes are only off by increments of a second. Using the analogy, when it comes to competing for the most sought after people, then yes, being off by even a little will get you cut. It's just the nature of the best but the strongest are probably those who come to accept it and keep on going and from being small in number when it comes to working hard for the final stage, it's basically cool to have got there. So yeah, my final stage of dating will be getting a girlfriend who happens to be hot, nice, and quite reliable!

Improvements

I really feel that there are a lot of improvements I can still make, even while it feels like I've reached a wall at this point. Probably one of the biggest things for me that I'm trying to resolve on my personal time is time management. How do I balance out relaxation and being comfortable with being active and adventurous? I honestly wish I was rich and a little better good looking, along with the tough spiritual journey I put myself through while trying to submit to the Lord.

It's okay though because I will try to use what I have to still develop myself at the old age of 34! I actually saw some really pretty photos of girls who are around my age, so my hope isn't complete lost.

Monday, September 11, 2017

Commemorating Today

It was definitely a tragedy today with what happened. I still remember how sad it was to watch the horrific event at the cafeteria in college. I still had a little bit of that bipolar stuff lingering around, so it hit me pretty hard. I remember the depressing feeling and can tear up right now over it, but I felt that Americans were stupid for saying there was going to be a World War III. Fortunately, it never happened and Bush led the country into the war on terror. I'm sure there's going to be opponents, but it looked like the majority of Americans were for it. I didn't vote for Bush, but then I had a change of heart and eventually, coming to my senses, I think it was the right thing for America to do.

Flash forward, I feel like I'm being inappropriate with posting my fantasy football scores and joking about my gay team I created today on Facebook without adding obvious cues like LOL or ROFL or HAHA. I am reminded of what I put today earlier and still laughing so hard about it to myself. I think I seriously disrupted someone out there because he or she is longer following me. I'm surprised that person didn't unfriend me; I deserve it, but then again, I do have a scary and respectable reputation if I'm able to make those smart aleck comments.

The cool thing about it is that maybe it was just too funny for today and with such a wonderful and positive emotion going around, the person was probably uncomfortable with feeling it being so inappropriate, but at the same time because of that effortless comment I made there and it being nothing wrong, I think the person was willing to still stay a friend but just break away from my feeds after all these years.

I have some tasks I really ought to complete, so I'll just go for the ones that I think I'll be able to complete while being the most accessible. I have a new drone that I'm working at flying which is cool. I'd like to go work out at the indoor climbing gym by taking their strengthening of the core class. I would also like to continue with my trading endeavor, which is turning out to be like a fun game for making money and being more accurate with pinpointing how the market is behaving. It's amazing with the tool I have stumbled upon and glad I gave it a chance. I also would like to read the Bible like study three chapters if possible, take a shower, do my hair and face, and growing taller stretches. I'll just leave it at that for today, but first I really ought to get a hair cut because it's awfully a little too long.
 

Just Few Tasks After Work

I guess I have a large amount of goals I would like to do for fun, but I just need to utilize my time better. It looks like all of it is right underneath me without having to right out my personal schedule, which I'm not even living up to.

For the longest time, it's like right after work, I've been wanting to procrastinate doing everything and just focus on messing around with having fun at something. I was also tempted to regressing back to masturbating to porn, but I just didn't feel like wasting around thirty minutes doing my technique of holding back. It just didn't feel worth it for me, so that passed by for me. Having that technique down is nothing to really boast about for me. I don't know what it is with my sexual preferences in women, but it's just that even if I think a guy is good looking or has a great picture of himself, I just don't have any gay feelings for him.

So basically Tom Cruise and Brat Pitt are like meh to me if I think about my sexuality. I'm not gay. A good looking guy to me is that actor who plays Thor. I admire his muscles and want to build some for my body!

Okay with all of this digressing, I surely do want to work out my biceps and get stronger and sexy arms to show off with cool clothes that a lady friend picked out for me. She's actually very good at eyeballing casual clothes for men. Okay, I think I have myself a hangout buddy who will generously help me out like that and help me get some girls. I'm in luck from having this type of girl in my life!

I guess within time when it all factors, I will be able to marry, but first I need to my ditch my parent's home and pretty well-off independently without having to rely on them. My parents are very conservative and stupid about me marrying only a Korean lady. They are like it's fine that you are short to those tall Korean girls who are mostly going to be shallow like that with you, marry an ugly Korean girl, who cares. I'll marry a non-shallow hot girl who might not be a Korean, who cares?!

My parents are like oh you are a sick weirdo, get out of our house, I disown our grandchildren. I'm like, who cares?! If I enjoy some great sex in marriage to a super hot, Christian lady and am rich and healthy while putting Jesus first in my life, I don't really mind whatever my parents want to think. There you have it. My few impossible tasks to complete after work!

Few Added Changes

Okay, it looks like my bowling season is over now which is sad for me. I really wanted to utilize that $40 but it was fun while it lasted. I might as well just join a league if I ever get the chance to practice my chops and hopefully, things will get better.

Now it just leaves me with being able to visit a climbing gym and working out at a gym. I haven't been able to read the Bible in awhile from being totally distracted and my mind just zoning out while just sitting there and feeling a little tired. I think there's something I could seriously do about that.


Friday, September 8, 2017

Getting Better With Awareness

I'm becoming a lot more accepting about the past that angered me and it's eight years now or around there. It's amazing how young and stupid me and my church group was. I really have an advantage in that it wasn't that serious and the people there were unable to make an impact with me. It's basically no big deal, so I do naturally want to go back to be friends with them again. It's just what I like to do and think most of the people I have talked to about it these days are actually supporting me to go for it.

It's not really a topic I talk about so much anymore, but I just felt like writing about it because I'm realizing how naïve I was and thinking stupid about the incident. It's okay overall.

I did get to the gym at 12:30 am and got out of the shower after getting back at around 2 am. It felt actually really good to go to bed while feeling clean. It was a pretty awesome feeling and don't know why I haven't resorted to doing so all these years. I've also realized that I could just turn myself into a certified personal trainer because one of my main goals is really to get a six pack and be able to have proper nutrition anyway.

About the whole turning myself into a millionaire, I think I've caught onto something that really makes sense with watching the market and want to continue to develop in it. I'm going to keep it low key actually. I also really want to still have time with developing in virtual reality. I don't really see it as that much of a hassle for me, but something that would be neat because I do want to specialize in having fun with playing the video games that I end up making.

I guess my business model would be selling software that comes from hard work while doing the best I can to develop it that would be pleasing for the majority of the people and also myself. I naturally have high standards that consistently test my patience with burning out. Although it may take a long time, I just think it would be a lot of fun to develop with some brilliant friends and not just myself. I can see what it means to try to download stuff from really not having any means to go out and buy them, so I guess I'll settle for a loss of profit in that area if it does become that good.

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Spending Time Better

Okay, I'm reading awfully a lot about sports, so I think I could lay off of that a little to try to do other stuff. What's crazy is that I woke up at 5 am and took an hour to get ready for work. I'm trying to get to work at 7 and the drive in traffic takes about twice as longer so I do try to leave around 6:10 to get to work on time. I think I'll have to leave at 6 on the dot then just to be safe that I'll be at work on time everyday. I prefer to be on time to work like that besides just traffic killing me.

I do like that being 10 minutes early window. This is probably going to mean that I should really try to take showers before going to sleep. It's like right after I've done some work out, if I didn't sweat that hard, I'll just go straight to sleep. Yeah, I think that will save a lot of time in the morning by taking a shower at night, so I wouldn't have to worry about taking longer in the shower with it being really early.

I guess I could also still wake at 5 then to get ready and do whatever I want to get ready for the day by 6 and then leave. I think I could just make this a routine then. I'll have to try it out and see how it goes.



Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Managing Time

My time management is yet messed up a little again. I guess I'll have to try again then. Hopefully, I'll get it down. Anyway, I just have this confidence that if I just keep looking then eventually land on the woman I'm looking to marry. However, I don't expect it to be such a big spectacle for me. I don't think I'm physically attractive to women, but I'll just keep on trying to improve myself all around.

It would be better for me to just be happy and stay healthy with a whole lot of time to do stuff. During that time, I could just try to make a girlfriend then. I don't know, it's just going to have to take awhile. I'm definitely getting used to not worrying about not having anybody to date. Well, one of the things that makes it easy for me to get over it is that it's easy for me to find fault with a girl. It's one of those things that I just put up with anyways, but at the same time, might feel some sense of relief from not actually dating her.

It's just a bunch of these contradicting complications going on for me that I haven't really tapped into yet. Overall though, I'm learning to deal with it. Just maybe someday, I might be able to land a gorgeous wife.

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Doing the Best I Can

I figure with my mindset these days, I'm just going to do the best I can do and give myself to keep on improving with hard work. I want to be really committed to be successful at something that will grant me the type of independence I'm looking for.

I'm back into trying new things now and having fun with it. I think the most difficult for me is just running my schedule along with making room for some unexpected things that I also want to take care of.

Yeah, definitely I feel weird at times and tired or even dreading what I have set out in my mind to do. I've found out keeping my mind occupied by playing simple games is helping me stay happy in some way, but I'm just not being satisfied with the results. There's something going on with me that I'm trying to tap into. I know the potential is there for me, even though it feels like I'll be training for a marathon daily.

I mean it's cool for people out there to be better than me now and even if I think they were born with something I wish I had too. I guess I'll be chasing after them by working hard to be a tad more consistent with myself. I might as well just keep searching, building, and then enjoying as much as I can get in this world.
 

Not Losing Heart

I think one of my more developed traits is that I'm not really feeling sad for any of my failures anymore. I think it's embarrassing and all of that to be found out on, but I'm not that worried about that these days. There's really nothing I can about it anyway. I'll just try my best to improve myself.

A main thing I'm seeing with myself is that I'm still procrastinating by doing other things to keep myself entertained. It's probably better that I control myself there even though I know it be fun and save it for another time. Time is something that I feel like I don't have on my side that often anymore and it just feels like I'm not able to do everything I want in life.

I'm really trying to make myself more efficient while feeling weird about doing something I know I ought to be doing, basically. At least I can keep on attempting and seeing if I can improve myself. I just don't really mind that much. It's one of those I'll eventually get it with a lot of things.

Oh Well

I don't think I'm good looking and tall enough to ever marry happily to someone beautiful. It's pretty shallow for me to think about being attracted to looks anyway. I'm starting to not worry so much about appearances anyway though. I think my lack of confidence is probably from not thinking my looks are that great, but I figure I could offer quite a bit to the gene pool too.

It's a lot of contradictory thoughts going on for me. With lady friends messaging me voluntarily these days, I'm just wondering how it might really be just a matter of time before I land on someone beautiful, attractive, and nice. Who am I kidding? I'm just half-way there still and need to dedicate myself a bit better to keep climbing my way up.

Saturday, September 2, 2017

Keeping Myself Productive

I have no problems with keeping myself occupied by doing entertaining stuff that practically consumes my time. I don't think this is helping me at all by a long shot because I'm realizing that at the age of 34, my time just gets used up and when the day is over, I'm feeling sheepish about how I could have used my time.

I really do want to spend my time wisely and I think it has to all start with myself before I go try to find a lovely partner to marry and engage in wonderful sex! I'm laughing at the thought of that, but yeah, practically, a girl who happens to be a Christian also with sexual feelings and is a bombshell type, I guess I'd be happy to struggle with focusing my energy on God more than that person. It would be fun to have balance in my life with Jesus leading the way while including love.

Yeah, I know Christianity offends some people. I think what's important to me is that there's a genuine relationship with Jesus that I'm seeking after, especially after what he represented. From that big book called the Bible, I think it's inspired and as time permits, I would love to research more on the pros and also take a look into what the leading criticism is. I'm not just going to be a blank book about my faith. As time permits and as my mind gets out of the funk with procrastinating and trying to stay healthy.

Procrastinating

I'm realizing that my mind is procrastinating but feeding itself the right kind of thoughts. I just need to act out on them more often. I think my belief in God really plays a huge role for me. The oaths that I have made with Him are huge and I don't intend on breaking them. However, I was smart enough to not make an oath where it will limit my freedom or anything. In a way, the oath actually helps me out in more ways and gives me time to settle for a conflict that I'm angry about.

The Bible is something I truly hold close to my heart and will guard until the end of time when it comes to having sex. I'm saving it for marriage and like on a useless quest to find an attractive girl with right personality to marry. I don't even want her to have a big age gap either. I guess if we look cute to people, then it will be hard to pass up on.