Dealing With Guilty Feelings

This is probably a difficult area for sensitive guys in general. I'm going to try to cover the basics. For example, my closest buddy has a strong urge to play poker and try to beat everybody in the table. Let's say, he were to go bust then he would feel incredibly bad about having made a bad decision and then stop playing poker for awhile. In other words, I notice that for myself I tend to withdraw from socializing if I feel really bad about stuff and feel like getting angry at stuff in life. It's really unhealthy behavior and first off, probably the biggest secret to becoming happy again I have to share with everyone is to literally let go of any grudges from the bottom of your heart no matter how much you want to hang on to something.

It feels self-contradictory but from actually applying healthy techniques to let go of anything bothering you, it gives you more freedom to think with a clear mind and to be more honest and courteous to others. In other words, it will help you engage in better relationships with others no matter how bad someone confuses you through blaming you about any issue. If you acted out already in distress and anger at someone or received it from someone, then I think the best thing to do is to again let go of any grudge you have with the person and to not act on those angry feelings again i.e. making fun of someone or writing a bad e-mail no matter how big you think you are at conveying big ideas or hiding your feelings.

The model fits best with just having a clear mind and being honest. I believe that feeling guilt can also be a form of having self-contempt especially if the person acted out of lack of self-control and is now feeling sensitive about a resulting issue. My form of guilt that I'm talking about right now to get rid of is the one that I just described. Basically, if it's been a variation of some cycle that you can't really realize yet and have the desire to resolve the guilty feeling then try to not give into the moment and put yourself in the same situation again. It doesn't matter how many times you failed- the idea is to never stop trying and to keep learning to do things the right way.

There's really no perfect model to release the frustration, but for myself, I recognize it in a form of emotion I receive but subdue the feelings through willing myself to let it go and usually ends up with me saying something I don't regret later. Just think of it in how we're a work in progress and we could always turn it around. For some people and for those who wouldn't mind so much about it, having a source of spiritual connection could always provide this sense of relief to help counteract with the negatives of the person's life and help restore mental balance again.

Little Sister Called Me Cool

This is just a little fun post that I'm writing. Even though I've been in honesty making fun of my little sister while dealing with her annoyances at the same time on this blog, she actually called me a pretty cool person. One day, I just flat out told her to live like there's no tomorrow and then she became flabbergasted. Man, I don't really want to hang out with her friends while with her- she said that she's pretty chill with them; in other words, I think she's a pretty boring individual. She's also a little nutty too and has these weird sensitive issues that I would have never thought of in the beginning; from now being an actual person, I guess I can sense what she's going through.

Despite these feelings that could end up with me fighting with my younger sibling and holding a lifelong grudge, I have recently learned to let go of any grudges that I have and to deal with them in a healthy and brainy manner. It's an extremely difficult state to achieve but I did it! I ended up telling my little sister that I loved her. I saw her smiling underneath like she appreciated it. For some reason, even though I'm a short Asian dude, I've had at least a little success in successfully flirting with Asian women of all petite sizes! At one point of our life, my little sister was even in love with me. I guess it can happen to a weird girl's life.

The woman that I have in mind marrying is Asian too, and she's actually pretty! Not like looks matter to me or anything, but man she's actually pretty. She also has a pretty good personality and is smart and sophisticated and outspoken. She's pretty lovely to me and even dumped a rich guy! Anyway, while my little sister was complaining to me, she said that I have been a really cool person. Interesting!

Getting Set Up For Success

It's definitely about dealing with a lot of hard work and having discipline. I remember back in the days that I kept on having these feelings of chronic fatigue while studying. I would just pout while sitting around trying to study and memorize answers to a test- it felt like a very annoying game. Nowadays, I don't really feel it that badly as I used to and I would probably sleep out of boredom if I wasn't getting something done right. Nonetheless, it was the past where I had to temporarily learn to push out anxiety and do something positive for myself. It was really hard from being a very short-sighted person. I still am that way for the most part but it's been getting better for me these days.

I've now learned a behavior that I never thought I would attain. I can actually sit there and read a book no matter how long and no matter how boring it is! Okay, I actually speed read when it's at the boring sections or when I'm experiencing some tunnel vision or distracted. When I'm actually excited though like when I'm researching on interesting topics from Wikipedia, I can actually have a greater retention rate. I'm starting to more rely on practicality now when it comes to studying or obtaining a merit of achievement. There's a reason behind the madness of applying yourself to any school subject.

I guess the emotional barriers of a human being can be so hard to bear sometimes in comfort that people won't really give in. I think it's a good thing sometimes- like children feeling really afraid of doing something bad in the beginning or even putting themselves in danger. When we get older and more desensitized, I guess that's where the brain gets to come into play and no matter how lost we get, it seems like there are seriously three things that hold us together. They are love, faith, and hope! In other words, there's something that causes us to stay committed to being alive and things that drive us to aspire in this world.

Having Some Fun With Peers

Looks like I might have found a pretty good person to settle down with now. I mean she seems pretty laid back when she hangs out with me. Also, I've heard that people in her ethnicity have some issues of being the dominant person. I haven't really experienced it from her, so I guess down the line I'll be getting to know more about her closely. So far, I think she could provide a fair amount of balance in my life because from being a really physical and aggressive dude, having a delicate wife like her to look out for could help define some meaning in my life. I've noticed her being a really dominant person with my other buddy, but she doesn't really do that to me.

In the past, I was really attracted to this one pretty insane woman and thank God that I really didn't do something irresponsible with her if people know what I mean. She's not really that good looking anymore as I thought she was. Also, it was a weird feeling because when I was around her, I felt like not doing anything and then when I was away from her, I would think about being close to her. Man, those were some frustrating emotions for me to deal with. Along with her seeming to be not that giving of a person, I was immediately turned off each time those feelings sparked up. It was so hard to manage without getting angry, but now I can gladly state that I don't have any grudge with her and moving on.

I guess I'm now the type who can handle grudges really well and let them go when I feel angry about something. I might sometimes be in a weak state but in those situations it's like I wouldn't hold anything against anybody if they kept on making fun of me. I guess that's where maturity comes into play and a little banter arising out of just wanting to be playful isn't really that bad even if the statements feel a little racist or hurtful.

Finally Experiencing Being Debt Free

This is pretty amazing in that after burying myself financially in the hole from making really poor decisions, I'm finally clawing myself out of it and making some secure preparations in the future. I'm a total believer in earning a living off of trading Forex and doing real estate. I've seen it done with my own eyes in making a pretty comfortable earning in Forex without really having to work. It was pretty amazing for myself; however, I'm currently in the process of learning to maintain the discipline so it's taking me a little longer to figure out how to get it going, but I guess it's fun while learning though.

Ohh, I think I seriously caught into something pretty nice now! I need to go to work now. Man, it's cutting in with my additional sleeping time. This is pretty bad.

Planning Bigger Things

Honestly, I'm pretty much having a nice inward laugh about a recent event that happened. I guess it's good that I'm totally relaxed from having got my act together. On top of just being honest, there's a couple more additions that I think makes a person more fuller. Basically, in these times I think it's good to learn to let go of grudges as fast as possible and to also be flexible along with being able to withstand some stress.

In current times, we live in a world where we provide service to other people to earn a living. I think it's good to get the main concepts down in learning to help others. I believe that being a patient person also goes in hand with not getting angry about something and realizing that your feelings are in control and pretty assertive at the moment.

I'm coming along now with learning to be a day trader. It's actually quite a lot of fun and something I'm probably going to eventually get to a fuller and working knowledge of to make a living off of. It's a lot of hard work and it's pretty hard to focus on it along with a lot of different things that I have in mind accomplishing. I'm just going to stick to the basics. Pretty much, I'm just going to earn a living and try to get myself married to a pretty good person and from being attracted to each other.

I'm just going to keep it really simple with how I'm planning things out. On top of basically doing things to make a living, I'm going to pretty much work out. I'm going to try to obtain some financial independence and also make myself available to hang out with a lot of people.

Civil Restraining Orders Don't Matter

In California law, Civil Restraining Orders are harassment orders filed to a state court by a complainer to another person. The thing about it is that it rules independently from criminal charges and is more taken as issuing a warning to the other person. In other words, it's like saying "I'm going to sue you if you come close to me when I told you to leave me alone."

I totally understand what my problem was after receiving two of them. Everybody who has ever had a restraining order has a different case, but I know what my problem was. I was just too emotionally fueled and unprepared to handle people telling me to leave them alone. In other words, I was just so angry at them that I kept on bugging them until they couldn't handle it anymore and filed these court orders on me.

Now, people are like all afraid of me for different reasons because I walk this Earth and live and talk among others in this civilization. Definitely, I get truly left alone and have a lot of free time to myself after getting off from work. Nobody comes over to my house to try to stalk me or anything. Not like I ever did that, which makes my image even more worse to the friends of the affected victims.

Basically, I was just holding a grudge and didn't know how to deal with it properly so I kept on making mistakes on how to smoothly resolve it with another person. I was just so lost and didn't know where to take the direction. Nowadays, I understand totally that I just had to manage letting go of my grudge and that's all it took for me. I had all of these interesting emotions that just comes from being human.

The restraining orders came from me being angry at a guy who wouldn't keep his mouth shut after telling me to leave him alone. I was going to honor them fully while thinking about how to resolve things with him, but when he opened his mouth to my friend- that just created this great fury inside of me temporarily. I was wrong to feel angry and not explain my actions with the poor guy. That was my problem, I should just made him look a bad person and tell him what he shouldn't do and then he would have forced himself to drop any "drama queen" emotions he had with me.

It all started with me wanting to fit in with another group and trying to make him look good. He just didn't get it and was acting like a drama queen. I then just became angry at him for keeping on opening his mouth and saying bad things about me and what I felt wasn't true so that's what he gets which is looking like a sissy with me.

How To Help Someone

Based on my experiences, I finally put the puzzle piece together and can now state it works like a charm and is very fitting. You'll see what I mean so let's get down to the chase.

1. Flexibility

Our selfish nature sometimes drives us to want to dominate others into doing things our way. Everybody works differently even though we'd like to think that our way is more superior than others sometimes. Just try managing a thousand people at an important job you totally disagree with and telling them to do things your way because more than likely you'll be stressing out or looking for a new career.

2. Taking in the pain

Being a parent is a painful job sometimes because the children might do something that can extremely hurt your feelings at times. They might say nasty things or reject you. Lashing back at them is only stating that you haven't learned to deal with those emotions from people criticizing your behavior or saying negative comments that just angers you. It's in moments like these that you get to realize that you could be the stronger person and realize how strong it is to hold back your emotions and then proceed in a calm, assertive manner.

3. Honesty

Getting straight to the point is always an underrated thing. Sometimes, we don't want to satisfy others by sharing something that we think the person doesn't know. It's like trying to hold on to some type of authority and based on giving out useful information based on doing some rewards system. From holding back intentionally, this is where you could turn out to really be contradicting yourself. When everything gets found out and trust me, in those few important relationships your closed ones will eventually come to realize, then maybe it could end up in a bitter toss up.

4. Holding No Grudges

In my opinion, this is probably the most difficult concept to grasp for most people. In the American society, we live with getting angry at other drivers or blowing a short fuse over the most little things that should be considered minor problems. People have come to a point where they're just judging based on pretenses of being comfortable. It's sort of a misguided direction because there are people suffering in this world who don't have privileges like we do. They can't know what it's like to be comfortable and are probably surviving in the most harshest environments- sure, there will be some among them who complain blatantly but for the ones who don't, they surly possess something that most of us might never fully experience. With anger and all about being comfortable in current times being how current times are, we're missing the most important points in how to get along with others and seriously assist those in need. Therefore, we should focus our attention on loving those we care for more than just being angry and hanging onto blaming another person for something totally really out of his reach or maybe he just did it. Trust me, it's a more powerful state to let go of a grudge.

Predictions

This is how I verbally see things on some short term things. It's really crazy that I'm about no longer holding any grudges now. I see the beauty of letting go now and how powerful it is. I'm going to pretty much say what's on my mind with this blog.

I think I'm going to end up getting married happily. That sounds pretty nice to predict that for myself.  A beautiful woman has sort of walked into my and she's a pretty good person. Moving on-

These thoughts are very hypothetical and do not interfere with anyone's life. They are just my opinionated feelings that have been inside of me for awhile. A guy named Washington ends up growing another hissy fit underneath and leaving this girl I have great respect for. That's my second prediction- along with thinking that he's going to eventually be alienated around the people who actually care for him and how he's going to be seen as a bad person too in general.

Hope of God Church in L.A. is really never going to be the same as it was before. The people in there are not really going to be making a great stand for their beliefs. The numbers are going to dwindle and rise but it's always going to remain a pretty small church concealed by how the pastor feels that he's leading a very big church and also growing. The girl Lee is going to be angry seeing me but she's going to have a hard time dealing with me and probably shut herself off with me. Because my mentality is about moving on, I have to not care about their personal business. The guy named Jarred is going to be tempted to leave the church because of me and probably do so. Because of the knowledge I've gained from very confidential souces, I have the resources to pretty much barge in, make them feel uncomfortable, and create all of this bad mess with this church. I'm about moving on ultimately in the end so it really doesn't matter if they try to kick me out again once I'm legally safe to go back there.

I think for myself I'm going to be okay and be making a fair living. I understand a lot of things more clearly now and I'm really happy to see them now. I'm seriously in a stage where I can no longer be mad about the things that happened and stay assertive while holding no grudges with anyone. I'm ready to do the best and most intelligent thing accessible in my control to get to where I have desires for.

Laughing With Humility

I never thought that being a humble person could actually give a person room to breath and laugh about some personal situations that happened already. I remember giving a lot of effort and then something bad just happened where it would make me feel so pressured into wanting to say bad words. I'm not the type to say bad words because I gave up on saying them to mean something significant a long time ago. Nowadays, I realize that what I did were mistakes and that those memories of how bad my mistakes were are vividly locked into my mind for good. Until recently, I had trouble coping with these thoughts when I was having a bad day.

Now, I just look back while daydreaming and just laugh about the poor situations I got myself into. Even though I might for a second feel like crying, the more time passes by each day to find resolve with those painful issues, the more I'm finding myself getting personal relief. Therefore, there's no need to vent when under a short fuse- it's only going to make matters worse later and create some people problems.

It's a challenge to backtrack and establish a mode of burying the hatchet and then not worrying about anything. I say this while constantly laughing about something that happened to me most recently. I received a little help from an unlikely source which was a woman! She sort of gave some emotional counsel on how to be accepting of something that I never thought was going to happen. Oh well, things can turn around and sometimes those opportunities are there for only one time! If you don't take it, then you lose out so the thing that can defeat you the most must be yourself.

Huge Numbers!

Man, I'm feeling pleasantly surprised from the responses I received from readers around the globe. Thanks for reading because all of you combined yesterday to make total about 50 views in one day. Okay, it's not really that much compared to big websites but I'm gracious enough to feel really bubbly inside. I must have touched upon some interesting topics last night which caused a small upsurge of traffic on this blog!

It's pretty cool from me making fun of some people, Google hasn't really decided to ban this blog or probably never will. I'm just writing whatever I feel like and basically, I'm not lying about it either for the most part so I guess that makes me stay in the safe zone. This one investor I used to rely on for some help in earning some side income had her blogspot page taken away because Google suspected that it was selling some illegal commercialized material.

Maybe, my site is just too harmless over all to be really of any concern to them. The impact it has had for me has been nice! I'm gaining a lot more confidence in dealing with some intractable people. I have yet to put myself to the test to gain some of my wit back which I haven't used in a long time. I'm ready to just practically move on with my life instead of letting something that's been angering me a great deal sway me into an unpleasant decision.

What Really Sucks

This is a really bad scenario that I faced in the past. I really had to get by on the whims of my effort and decent memory bank in the past because I couldn't comprehend what people were saying to me. It's like walking into the classroom and just noding your head and giving this full effort with taking notes and smiling at the professor but in your head, it's like imagining a actual blank sheet of paper. I was in that state of confusion for most of my life; it's when I put effort into my own personal studies and not relied on being spoonfed that I found out my greatest discoveries. Afterwards, listening to a topic I knew a lot about would become a breeze and it's like from being knowledgable I would be able to slack off and still be one of the best people. What I really hated was that having these poor listening skills, I wasn't able to pay attention to the things that were bugging some of my friends. I just had a cold, blank stare when I would look at them and imagine why I couldn't understand a single word they were saying to me. This caused a lot of frustration for the people around me, but from being a pretty charming individual for a short guy, I was able to get their negative attention off of me.

From having now developed a greater sense of purpose and direction for my life now, I really see what I want in my life. I really know where I want to lead things and what drives me to be a happy camper in this world. I'm pretty much ready to work hard and even though I'm a late comer to having this successful mindset, I'm happy that at least I have something to work with now and to gain a decent foundation off of.

Balancing Between Addiction and Ideal Desires

I think one of the areas that have wrought upon my life some destruction is having the desire to do something meaningful and well by not doing something and then receiving a major letdown later from having given into it. I find this has happened to me a lot from having ignored some really fulfilling advice found in the pages of he Bible. The Bible is actually right about the flesh being generally weak and composed of obsessive behaviors that could do harm to the invidual or others around him or her.

What I've found is that sometimes a feeling can overrun the logical system of a person's brain and cause the person to do something reckless. In my case, I just try to rationalize that the short-lived pleasure I will be receiving isn't really dangerous to my health anyway even though I come to reason that it could be perceived as morally wrong behavior. After awhile, the sensation becomes like an addiction that has to be fed ignorantly.

It's pretty crazy that in that I'm not making this stuff up. This is actually my true situation that I'm all of a sudden realizing now. It's going to take quite a bit of hardwork but I see myself doing well in the end from having invested in the effort to make my life a whole lot better.

Executing Things With Precision

I realize that it's a lot harder for me to plan some main outings with other friends because I have a full time job along with long periods of sleep taking a good chunk of my time. I don't feel like I'm losing my mind anymore because I'm just keeping things at a straight-forward purpose. Basically, I seem to find that individuals like to stare at a big screen and start smiling about something while relaxing. I can see this happens momentarily at the movie theaters.

I don't really want to make that a major highlight of my life to drown away some of sorrows. I'm not saying that I'm going to resort to drinking or abusing other substances either. I really want to achieve something really great and with a sense of greater purpose right now. It seems like it keeps me going and on my toes. I think that if I were to settle down then my purpose of living would be even greater and that there would be greater connections for me to dwell into more longer. Anyway, I'm thinking that marriage life could have some real legitimate fun involved that couldn't be found anywhere else. Okay, I'm going for it!

Holding Back With Writing

Basically this week, I sort of held back because for a few days I experienced some likeable traffic on this blog. It's still considerably and very extravagantly smaller than what Yahoo! and Google search engines would be accustomed to, but it still made me very satisfied that I decided to sit back and rake in more visitors before going back to work again.

Now, I guess I'm on the move again with this whole writing thing. I'm just doing it because it seems sort of fun to write about some ideas that have been lingering in my head for short period of time. It's like I explore a lot of options from time to time and very spontaneously but then when time goes by, I either forget or lose interest about it because I get caught up in the moment doing something else.

Basically, I think I've been blessed with a small cat who likes to jump onto me like a tree and climb all the way up to my front shoulders. Just right now, he was purring while he jumped onto my lap and then kept on trying to encourage me to give him more attention. Man, he can hold in the heat we generate for at least a half hour now. His fur is really soft so I'll give him some credit for that in me wanting to pet him. I can't wait until the winter rolls around because he'll be making my lap really warm from having something living and furry cuddling with me.

Finally A Usage With Civil Restraining Orders On Me

I am a pretty short invidual; therefore, I might end up with a taller wife. Oh well, in these times, everyone needs to do what they have to do in order to get what they've been longing for all these years. It's all the more greater and a happier moment if all the right reasons and transitions take effect! I'm not saying that I want a tall women to be the mother of my children because I would be happy- I'm just trying to be realistic now. I can say that at least I'm about 5' 4" which is really short probably about half a foot for the average male. Oh well, I'm sort of now laughing thinking about the comparison with other taller men. I just don't really care anymore, and it seems like the one-in-a-million lady who I become attracted to wouldn't really make it such a big deal either and make me feel like we're a decent match. Man, the thought of finding a perfect woman scares me a little right now because obviously, there really isn't a perfect person in this world.

I can't even take appearances into account anymore because after having peeked at so many female lifeforms on the Internet, the majority don't even rate as attractive to me even if other male friends think they are the most beautiful woman in the world. I would rather focus on the inside because when the positive energy and sweetness from inside radiates all over on the outside, I see a much more fuller and prettier woman rather than just basing on pure looks alone. My current interest is actually pretty and she seems pretty gung ho about dating me and having decent conversations. There was another short dude with a really perky voice who physically attracted a lot of beautiful woman- he even has three women chasing him at this time on Facebook! Therefore, it really doesn't matter how short a person is even though women may say they want to be with a taller man for purposes of security. It really all matters on liking the person first for any reason, I suppose. I guess the prettiness doesn't hurt my giddiness and intentions to make her my wife, even though it wouldn't really have been necessary for me. Basically since it's there naturally, I'll take it!

Basically this whole civil restraining order deal is like my rouge status of having a tattoo. No, I literally don't have tattoos and if I did get one, I would want one where if my skin was to age then it would look even better over all those wrinkling layers of skin! In other words, it's my line of providing security for a woman because I received these cvil injunctions from taller individuals than me. It's pretty much a confidence builder even though I was really furious at the people who put it on me for the most stupid reasons known to man alive! The man who put it on me was acting like a crazy diva and alienated himself from the world because he wasn't happy with his life of becoming the man and settling down with his girlfriend. The woman who put it on me did it because she said she would if I kept on bothering other women she knew; I suppose she didn't know that I was trying to get a groove on just for practice and that I was just trying to be silly about it.

If these taller individuals were afraid of me and left me alone for good then it means that I could get other regular people to do the same to me if I wanted to especially if the woman who I end up committing myself to needs at least a little cover from being under the hot seat and protection! Therefore, it's been proven to myself that I might be able to care decently for the love of my life.

Living A Satisfying Life

I'm starting to live a life of discipline that I have always imagined for myself. Sometimes in life, we need to make sacrifices and despite our efforts over pushing for a decent agenda, we are forced to move on. There are a few people who ended up upsetting me a great deal but now I'm ready to let it go and move on. My little sister is one of those people who have been just so annoying and causing me to feel a lot of anger but now I realize that she's an adult who is going to have to make her own decisions. I obviously have my own desires of how I would want to have my way with her but it's not really in my control anymore to push for those things without really costing me a great deal of living a quality of life. Therefore, I conclude that she's a little crazy and little weird and also a pretty boring individual. I'm just going to leave her alone now despite her having angered me a great deal by making me feel a little stupid and embarrassed inside from her actions of blocking me from her Facebook page. She kept on emphasizing with wanting privacy and things of that nature which I had no concerns over violating and became bored of doing while I was younger.

Maybe my little sister said that she ended up deleting her whole Facebook account but maybe she started another one while adding me to her block list. Oh well now, at least I can say that I'm in her memories somewhere in the back of her head. I think that's good enough for me to let it go and not worry about it. My desire isn't really to put so much concern over those things anymore and to give my opinion. If she decides to reject them ,then I'm not going to get angry about it anymore. I'm just going to try to love her even though she's a little crazy, little weird, and a pretty boring individual now. After all, she's my one and only little sister. With all the other people who I have to settle a score with, it's pretty much going to be an all out social war because they are just strangers to me and there's really nothing for me to do but move on with them anyway in the end. Therefore, I really have nothing to lose with those people now.

Driven For Ultimate Success

What I plan on doing is raising my own money through playing on the Forex market and improving with my line of work. I plan on sticking around while working the very best at it that I can. I don't really care so much about what I'm doing for earning a paycheck anymore, as long as it's legal and not infringing upon anybody's rights immorally. I used to feel like crying because I couldn't obtain a job related to what I studied in college for and not being given a chance with a 100 K salary. Oh well, those years are passed now and I'm just taking literal steps to get to what I really want to do for making a decent earning.

I guess for myself- the type of job I end up doing, I really don't want to care about the amount that I'm making anymore. I want all of that stuff to be taken cared of already, such as daily living expenses and then pretty much occupy my life with doing whatever I feel like again, as long as it's legal and moral. There are plenty of good stuff to occupy my life; I don't know why I stick to usually one bad thing sometimes repetitively. Anyway, I'm ending the behavior because I want to stay a responsible adult and live up to the expectations of what I think a good husband should be.

The life that I see for myself is considerably risky and very difficult to most adults. I'm not undaunted with the challenge and feel like going after it. Success would not necessarily be from having luck, but from having worked extremely hard and gaining the proper skills in my line of work. Therefore, because I'm one of the few adults who don't feel nervous about this field of investing anymore, from pushing myself really hard, I plan on making a decent living with plenty of time to do whatever I feel is morally fulfilling and exhilarating with virtually no competition to worry about.

Staying In Shape

I guess I'm starting to get the motivation to work out again and make myself stronger to a point that I would feel pretty good about myself. I really don't think it matters that much when it comes to picking up dates either. I guess I just want to stay confident in being pretty healthy and have a mobile, flexible body when it comes for me to do some physical work. I've never really seen myself as much of a dancer either, but I think it would actually be pretty fun to be decent at it and put on some moves with my girlfriend. I'm just relating to dancing with exercising, so that's why I included it slightly in this small discussion.

I'm pretty much really motivated now to do stuff in general and feel undaunted about a lot of things. I guess doing these pretty long jogs have cleared up my mind quite a bit in letting go of some people who were acting silly and taking it too seriously with me. I'm definitely not afraid of moving on now. I understand what was driving me a little crazy too; it mainly dealt with how embarrassed I felt about having some form of acquaintance with those silly people. I just feel like they're so undeserving but how I need to still love them for who they are and help them out without ever losing my temper and being understanding. I think I can actually win against these weak individuals by mainly being assertive and not playing mean like they were being with me. After winning against these individuals, I plan on moving on for good anyway and living a peaceful life with my future, lovely wife.

Imagining A Good Life

I guess since this is my blog, I'm going to be taking a direction that I personally want to take it to. Back then, I was pretty ignorant to a lot of things including myself and I guess all those nerves inside of me were against me because I was so afraid of disappointing myself. Now, my mind has been fully corrected and capable of living a decent and happy life while being able to defend things that are precious to me.

I'm no longer this same person who had some weird cravings that were hard for me to define. I no longer need to do some more soul searching. I now understand who I am, and what I am about. I also don't feel held back or undermined anymore if some opinions end up working against me. I'm in a pretty holistic and peaceful state of mind now. I really don't know how I got to this point in my life. There's only thing about it which is pretty satisfying to me.

This is the life I imagine- having a financially secure future and being able to make a living off of doing something I really enjoy, along with learning about things that would be significantly beneficial to me and others. I also see myself being married to a very beautiful woman with some decent kids of my own and being able to vacation at fun places, along with having some time to enjoy company with close friends. I really can see myself playing a decent role with volunteering for some community improvements and also being able to connect at a decent church.

Pushing Myself Gently

I just found myself closing my eyes and meditating on what my current goals are. It seems like I'm almost fully recovered and able to manage some of the financial mistakes I made. I feel like a dumb person from not knowing what I did in the past and jumping onto the band wagon of the unknown. At the same time, I'm glad that I learned a lot of valuable lessons and that losing 10 K dollars felt like losing a million dollars to me!

I'm almost fully done with paying off all my card debt, while realizing my ultimate dreams that I wish to achieve while living on this planet. One of the interesting things is that I could be one of the few people in my family to depart from traditional values. For my family, I mean marrying outside my ethnicity is still seen as a stigma. The issue I have is that I can't just walk away from realizing true love with a beautiful woman I have in mind right now. I think learning about her culture and possibly picking up a little with her language even though not that appealing could be more fulfilling out of having love for her. From where her descendants are from, I've read that many of the female natives desire for a better life and so end up marrying foreigners who make pledges to support their bride's family.

From the perspective I'm looking at, it could probably not be that bad because she's raised around where I lived which is a diverse culture and sort of a melting pot. Even though she's a different culture, it also seems like if we ended up raising a family, the children could end up becoming really beautiful people and that there would be a really exciting opportunity to live with.

Honorable Mentions

It's amazing that this blog is connected for Internet users around the other side of the world to look at. They are from mainly Europe and particularly Russia. I guess readers from Russia must like looking at other people's blogs the most. I don't really see it as that big of a threat because I'm not about to reveal any top secret stuff related to the government. I'm just going to continue writing about personal stuff that I feel like divulging. Anyway, I thank the Americans who make their way to this site for making what this site has become to me.

I'm also honored to have received a few hits this month from the Ukraine! The reason for this is because they feature some of the most beautiful women in the world, so it doesn't really hurt my confidence at all. It's also interesting that someone used an exotic browser like Dolfin and SeaMonkey to read this blog. I've never even heard of those browsers, but I guess it's used by some super computer enthusiasts who might share a similar sense of humor with me.

 I'm going to give some lost causes an honorable mention. I have finally thought up something that would suffice my appetite in staying away from Hope of God Church L.A. for good. They are really a lost cause for me, and it's not something I jumped to the conclusion of right away- it honestly took me awhile to think of everything that happened for me to get to this point. I really want a great reason to leave them for good and never really think about them again after what they did to me, and I have it now.

There's a guy there, who shares a really pitiful fear of me. He has some moronic feelings of a girl which just puts me to shame of ever having known him. I want to help him conquer his feelings of being a coward with me and have the guts to befriend me again on Facebook. No pain, no glory! If Jarred Taing leaves the church by the time I ever decide to visit then there's really no reason to stick around anyway and something I might as well just go "Oops, what a loser!" and then painfully move on for good after the second thing I accomplish.

I know that a woman nicknamed Lee at the church is a staple over there. She isn't budging from her location. If she doesn't know already, I'm going to let her know something when it's appropriate timing. Note: this deals with a little grown up talk so hopefully kids have a great laugh about it, too. In my personal relationship with Lee, she put a civil restraining order on me to never let talk to her but it's going to be over soon! I'm going to have to let her know that I never really liked her that much as she thought I did. Guys can pursue other women so aggressively and some women are open to it from guys in general so I don't really see my image dealing with her as that big of a deal now.  She also thought it would be reasonable to chase me away from pursuing after Betty Lam who I was only messing around with for some laughs and a little practice for the real thing I'm likely to encounter now.  Therefore, I think she caused in effect to make Betty leave the church too. Lee also told me that she loved me and that I was struggling with feelings of having lots of sex! That's a little too aggressive for me in what Lee did, and I know she meant great intentions for me but come on, I can't establish anything intimate with her for life now and any relationship she creates is only going to be a joke to me. I hope it's not too much for Lee to take all this in when I see her face-to-face one day but hopefully a little love for on her end would make her laugh about it with me and be accepting of what happened.

Future Plans For Investing

How I'm currently going to invest my time into creating a comfortable earning is pretty much putting in a lot of practice with the most appealing or sensible things first. I see myself eventually buying myself another small and powerful desktop to set up as a server and then pretty much have some fun connecting to it in my own home. Yeah, I'm starting to get these bubbly feelings about using technology to make my life a little more convenient in making a couple extra dollars. I'm becoming a lot more interested in going after some things and using the knowledge I acquire to give back and cash in a little whenever I need to.

For a time being, I really enjoyed playing poker but my principle to earning the best amount of money is to deal in a business that requires no main transactions with people. This eliminates all the headaches in being let down by fickle customers or having to compete with other businesses for gaining more profit. Therefore, the only thing I've really found that applies to this is being an investor or stock trader.

There is a downside to doing investments- it can be very risky. However, there is a lot of profit to be made if the proper precautions are taken. Also, there's virtually no competition to deal with if the person is pretty much brilliant at making investments. I've accepted the responsibilities of what it means to manage risk as a profession. I'm looking at mathematically making sound investments to ensure profitability and a secure foundation.

With all this money piling up in the future, I see myself just investing the money in places where I would pretty much have to never worry about finances anymore. I don't plan on putting all my eggs in one basket, which is pretty much my secret to success. It's pretty much about creating a diverse portfolio which allows for a robust system to take place and be able to handle less risky hits because losses inevitably take place in the world of investment.

Fixing Up Computer

I'm finally glad that my top-of-the-line desktop is working. It's an HP Elite model which features one of the best processors and graphics card ever created for Windows 7, a blue ray, and plenty of RAM! It only took me under thirty minutes to fix because all I had to do was pop in a DVD and boot it up.

I'm not going to talk about how I got my Windows DVD because that's a topic I will leave to the imagination unless some readers know what I'm talking about. Hey, I need to obtain some perks too now and then because I don't want to shell out a couple hundred dollars.

The only problem I have now with this computer is that the fan is too noisy. I've already read up on what some people have done, so I will be getting around to trying it later. I think I've been spoiled by my Macbook Pro. Okay, it's a really expensive piece of machine but the quality of it and the usage is so good and I couldn't be any more happier. It also runs pretty quietly in the background and the battery life is actually pretty good.

Managing Relationships vs. Lost Cause

My relations with Hope of God Church L.A. is pretty much over and a major lost cause that I feel is highly insignificant with my proceedings. I've found something unique in dealing with some females I really care about. By looking out for their interest and also going after mine at the same time, it's a lot easier for me to subject to what they want to do more than how I feel about a proposal if they express sensitive disapproval.

There's probably like only one girl who causes a major headache in my life because she can't function properly for some reason. This girl is my little sister! I'm starting to really care for her and think getting along with her would only benefit the both of us because we're related by blood. It gives off this feeling that we were born to be naturally decent people and with these bright genes at succeeding in life.

I really have someone in mind that I'm going to try to give a chance at setting up something special. I really want to get close to her because I feel a form of bubbliness and attraction while I'm around her and also when we're not together. I'm going after the best thing that life has to offer for me, and I think it's the most natural way to look at things along with how God intended for everyone to live. She might just very well be that special person who I want to devote my attention to.

About Last Post

My friend typed on my laptop for me while I was taking a shower and then posted something he felt really adamant about sharing with all the readers here. I really didn't mind because I guess as a writer I do have a calm demeanor of wanting to give people a chance to voice their opinion no matter how silly I think it is. Basically, I listen to the opinion then say my point of my view of it relying mainly on facts and being practically blunt. I notice that some people tend to think more circular in their reasoning which is based on subjective and wishful thinking about what is true and call that truth! To the untrained polemicist, I guess it's easy to get really caught up with personal feelings and let it be the driving force around everything. I did have a church which I had an issue with, and I did manage to finally quell all of that persistent agitation I had with them. I've learned to deal with it and not get too mad or uncomfortable about it anymore, while getting to a point where I get what I want which is getting a good laugh out of making some sport out of them.

I think I've actually won in the end because I have more options open to me, as a result of what that church did to me including being able to go back there and do what I would want to do. Also, the person who ended up typing on my blog was my friend who I wrote about that had some girl problems; I showed the post to him, and he was immediately asking me to change around some of the wording because he felt uncomfortable. While denying some of the stuff I said, while hanging out with him, he actually confirmed with me informally that I was right about him! It made me get a nice chuckle off of it. He really tries so hard, but can only get so far with his dreams and then sort of goes into some hibernation mode. For myself, I'm always on the go like the Energizer bunny- I'm never going to quit!

Basically, I'm going to cover a little bit of my own research on what my buddy thought up. It's interesting that pop culture has encouraged people in a way to engage in some risky behaviors that would increase the spreading of AIDS in this world. In the U.S. alone, it is prevalently known that there are 65 Million people who are living with an STD. This makes the population of about 1 in 5 people in the U.S. which is the highest rate of any country in the world. It is also estimated that 1 in 4 people living in the U.S. will contract an STD. Allusively, I honestly thought someone from Hope of God Church L.A. caught an STD and was crying over it for awhile, but I'm not going to mention who because I would sound like a jerk to some people if I did. Honestly, I know that woman nicknamed Lee and a guy who seems slightly favoring to men don't have anything because it's a fact that is very easy to prove. For myself, I know quite a bit on the HOW-TO part and don't have anything because I've never done it; there I said it, I'm absolutely safe in that area for my future wife, if she isn't lying about it either!

Therefore, I think people in general should really be careful about who they decide to mess around with. It always doesn't hurt to ask questions and get those lover boys tested to appease any concerns! Being a guy myself, I wouldn't have too many problems being friends with some prospective females who could end up being my wife and just become close with them and get to know them at this type of personal level before asking them to commit to a highly fun and satisfying life with me.

The rate at which how the world runs, I guess it's statistically significant enough to be concerned about the AIDS epidemic worldwide. There is an estimated 335 Million people in the world with an STD which accounts for approximately 5% of the world population which has already reached 7 Billion people on March 12, 2012!

1 Problem To Solve All Problems

Note: This one is from buddy.

Almost all the problems that society has is rooted towards intercourse; STD's, high divorce rate, abortion, broken families, poverty, world hunger, greed, etc.
Around the 1950s, one women transported condoms into the USA thinking that it would be best for people to have less risk of getting pregnant or getting an STD.
Only 5 known STD's were known in the 1950s, in the year 2000 , there were 30 known STDs.
It took about 100,000 years to get to 5 STDs, but it only took 50 yrs to Multiple it by 6 (30 total).
In those 50 yrs divorce rates sky rocket, abortion, adultery, etc.
Now, around 150 Million people have STD's.

Setting Things Aside For A Wife

I'm really glad that a friend has impelled me to discus with him about settling down with a proper woman! An issue that my buddy has is that he can't really make up his mind about a lot of things. From having him around, I've been able to think a little about what to talk to him about because after all, he's my high school buddy and we've been pretty close ever since despite noticing each other's flaws over things. Basically, I've figured out through talking with him that if your mind isn't set on anything then you won't accomplish anything.

Having the proper mindset should really be a priority with accomplishing anything huge in a person's life. I've taken notice that my friend likes to over-analyze a lot of things and try to make the most of things at the same time, but when some rough patches hit in life, it's extremely difficult for him to cope with those areas and causes him to withdraw, but that's not true. Likewise, the thought of meeting a very attractive and qualified woman really causes him a lot of distress because he's too concerned that he will end up feeling stuck somewhere in life. Also, the stress of having to impress other women is something that he feels pumped up sometimes but when he feels discouragement at any level then it's time for him to avoid the risk of having a broken heart. Man, he's really depressed and pretty much lost hope in finding a wife to settle down with. 

Things That Are Standing Out

I noticed last month about the one post I made about commenting on the Hope of God Church L.A. for the last laugh had hits that were off the chart compared to all my other ones. I seem to have some universally funny ones because those posts are visited every month by some people. The list that says "Top 10 Posts" is pretty much what the majority of readers on this site look at with probably two of those posts getting the most attention.

With me noticing that someone is reading my posts, I also notice that some people in general don't care about the simple things I mention because probably the title says it all already. Basically, I'm noticing that it's normal for me to get only one person to click on my posts except for me. I guess I'm trying hard to get there, so having a blog for me to write about anything I want with the hope of making a good impact is enough for me.

Let's see, I need to fill out these forms so that I can get my educational loans completed and then work out and then work on learning a language and then go back to sleep again. I'm starting to get used to dealing with boredom because basically at work I'm standing around for about eight hours anyway thinking about how I'm going to become wealthy with my own business and gain knowledge so that I can be a fierce competitor. Basically, I just paid my way for an experience, as boring as it was- oh well, I'm going to try to turn it around while going after the best things now and working hard for it. I don't even feel bad about being let down anymore; it's like no one really deserves anything in this world especially the ultimate prize so I can't really worry anymore but do the best I can to get somewhere with what I want to do. I'm starting to understand this meaning of my own existence and loving others who are dumb like my little sister and the people at Hope of God Church L.A.

Good Times Rolling

This blog is slowly approaching the 10 K views mark, and the best part of it is that the majority of those views aren't from myself! I woke up my sister the other day and told her that I loved her. She said, "Dude, you woke me up!" and started to cover her ears. I could notice that she was still hearing me because she started smiling afterwards. Man, she looked really ugly too and that's like a piece of my own pride and joy too with hopefully having good genes.

I phoned a dude yesterday too, Jarred Taing. Man, he's such a natural girly man and afraid of people in general. I think I worsened the condition because he tried to deal with me all huff and puff and then from being a dumb jerk, he started blaming it on other things and tries to avoid me. Like a selfish individual that I know he is now, he doesn't bother me because what makes everything easy is now knowing that people at that church and everyone in general are not really that deserving of the ultimate prize.

What's great about this world and how it relates to not being mad with anyone is that no matter what a person accomplishes, the ultimate prize isn't really tangible on this world we live in. With nobody being deserving of it and the Bible verse that states "Vengeance belongs to the Lord", it really helps a lot because I can believe what's coming for them. Therefore, focusing my attention on loving them more rather than being dumb and filled with anger is a much better option for me.