Starting to Make Sense With Soulmate

If I end up marrying my soulmate then I believe I will be an adulterer to show for it in this world. She ended up divorcing her ex for other reasons than being cheated on. She did pretty bad with allowing herself to be swept off her feet and then lost patience with working on her last husband to salvage the unhappy marriage. I didn't realize she really was my soulmate at the time, but it's too late for me now to achieve a dream life with her and I'm committed to sticking to it like this. I've moved on and am now trying out some arranged dating for a different change of pace. 

I honestly hope she's able to turn it around someday and stop clouding her thoughts with so much negativity over superficial matters. If she wasn't too negative on herself, then I don't think she would have needed to bring up a negative opinion about dating that left me feeling incensed and do it multiple times. 

She should have really known better for herself, and now she feels she's doing the right thing by dropping me out of her life. This is probably more healthy for me to realize than it is for her. She's not the same person anymore with who I thought I was falling for. 

Making Money Plan

As of right now, I think I have a decent stash of money saved up to make a good run for gaining riches while playing it moderately safe. I believe in a well-balanced, diversification model so I'm not going to put all my money in one thing without understanding the volatility of it and going after feeding greed. I have a friend like this who became overconfident about his sources and ideas put together and then went for putting everything in one asset while letting himself suffer with maintaining a living. It's not really that smart to be honest.

I'm ready to start making a move on volatile markets to make some money. I'm more of a swing trader so that means to me trying to keep it in there as long as possible or until it hits my stop loss if I end up taking a loss. It's part of the game and something that I'm understanding as part of my strategy. Because these swings can be violent in a short period of time, I find myself feeling pretty confident about exiting with a profit when my system brings up some pullback or possible reversal without any confirmation yet. 

This is starting to turn into an art form for me, based on a system that's built off of positive reinforcement and a sense of security. I don't really give into my emotions as much anymore, so it helps to have this personal system in place. Successful investing or trading is in its essence about having wealth transferred over to you from others who aren't playing by their own profitable set of rules. Hopefully, these individuals won't stay in the market for too long if they don't want to improve their trading habits. I'm currently profiting for almost four months straight now. It could finally be a winner that leads me to financial independence! 

Pretty Stoked

I have a chance to form a spousal relationship with a special lady. The real reason I think this way is because she's taller than me and considered to be pretty by others. She's also the one who expressed interest in me first. I hope it goes well for me.

It's really about perspective and thinking about it now, I think it's dumb with how my soulmate acted towards me. She's quite a mess and has her head stuck somewhere in the clouds. I mean what I text her to rattle her cage wasn't really that mean-spirited, and it doesn't say she can't be who she is. She still has a little too many personal insecurities about her physical appearance and it's not going to be getting any better as she keeps on aging. I hope she builds character and finds positivity in her thoughts to deal with the superficial things she can't change about herself. 

In a way, it's selfish to base things off physical attraction sometimes because there are personal insecurities underneath that a woman can ignorantly mask (e.g. she feels security while given physical affection by a handsome and well-mannered tall man). This is also horrifically how the majority of short women and some normal women out there will feel. It's inevitable that some will never achieve the personal character to outgrow this insecurity of being vulnerable about their physicality and just continue being lazy and negative when things aren't going well for them. My soulmate is one of them, but she also isn't quite that special. 

I hope my soulmate shapes up eventually, and I think she has a good shot of getting there if she starts seeing a therapist again. Even if she feels it isn't necessary anymore, I hope she does well in life again and her insecurities settle down into making her the special, cool, little gal I used to think I was falling for. 

I think it's best for both of us that we never ever start dating each other and remain close friends- since she's already with a pair of divorces to add to her name. The first one made sense but for the second time, it made her an adulteress at heart with the man she's currently dating because she lost her patience with her second ex after vowing to love the man for life while almost all her close friends advised her to end it quickly. Therefore, I think she has a borderline personality issue with a slight hint of narcissism since she's sensitive about being made fun of and not being able to drop it for a while. 

Seeking Things Positively

I actually think it's pretty funny to be rejected and have situations not go so well for me anymore. I'm pretty weird in that I take it lighthearted for myself. One can probably call it a defense mechanism from going nuts! 

It's really about keeping the right perspective. My free and nice dating coach basically said to always not make things too weird and be nice during the process of finding the one. It helps to be smooth by covering it up with an actual purpose that makes a whole ton of sense and being quick to bow out on a positive note if a person isn't interested in having their life interrupted. Smiling and maintaining eye contact is the key! 

How basic is it really. Now I know that my close friend was initially interested in me from remembering her body language. She's too much and weird though with so much anxiety and then she ended up pushing it off indefinitely with me. I'm not interested in her either and I'm probably going to keep on saying this for a while. It's possible we could both find that bridging gap someday to meet in the middle, but I don't think she's the type of lover I'm looking for. I'll maintain being close friends with her and I like how I feel comfortable being around her now. It's like our doors are open with each other and we do express a good kind of love which is family oriented. 

Human interactions can really be broken up into a science and be turned into something like a business! It's not really as complicated as one might think. 

Moving Forward With Better Perspective

I think a big part of having personal character is to not take things too personal and be as nice as possible. If something does happen, then the way I see it is that they had it coming. 

For the past fuss ups with people who were being crazy with me, I don't think they are that great of a people to begin with and could build some more character. They are probably just too lazy and have their own mess to deal with. One of my closest friends is too much and she has a great degree of difficulty with social anxiety. She doesn't say that I'm like a brother to her in person anymore from knowing that's going to set me off in the wrong direction. 

With girls calling me a brother, I don't like it because I didn't have much of a relationship with my own little sister growing up. It just makes me really mad to hear it and probably is going to be that way for the rest of my life. The only person who gets that privilege of calling me a brother is only my little sister. I just have one and so she's that super special and lucky gal!  My close friend kept on pushing it with me and then I ended up driving her to the edge and she ended up relenting. I don't know if she says I'm like a brother to her still to others behind my back, but as long as I don't hear it from her mouth directly then I'm totally fine with it. 

Finding Positive Clout

I think being a short man shouldn't limit him from living out like an alpha male. Tapping into the female psyche, you don't really want to be with a girl who is just not into you anyway. If she's going to be shallow about her preferences then who cares even if there are a lot of them. These women aren't that special to begin with and for a short guy, he's going to need to find a special woman to be with. It just makes the reward that much better and appreciable when the Lord allows for it. 

I'm understanding that I am able to always be better than these types of women and can project it at a very high level that they notice it even if I'm not their type which might drive them crazy! I even drove my soulmate crazy from making fun of her shallow preference. She doesn't want to talk to me right now. I'm giving her space and don't care because I don't want to be with her either. 

Making Positive Changes

Finding my voice from being opinionated has been a rewarding experience for me. I have used it to have discussions with a close friend who can go a little overboard sometimes. She's too much for me to ever be interested in dating. I'll stick to being close hangout buddies and being like family to each other. 

Finding out a lot about young people, many do have a vulnerable spot with their appearance that they wish they could change but can't do anything about it. For myself, it's too shallow to fuss over and to even reject dates because they simply can't find physical attraction with a person. 

I'm not going to take it so personally anymore, since I'm not interested in dating those types of ladies, who are in the majority. The Bible says that women in general are the weaker vessel and these physical vulnerabilities they feel while intimidated about a big scary man, along with their monthly period can build support for this statement. Even my soulmate is still insecure about her short stature as she's reaching her early 40s! Being with a taller man is like an illusion to feel secure about herself and not having to feel like she's being looked down upon by others because society made it seem that way. Afterall, women are reputed to have stronger feelings than guys do which could even be selfish.

This is a common occurrence among several ladies and for myself, I've become accustomed to wanting to be with a special lady even if I was a tall, gorgeous man to these women. I simply don't need that type of physical attention nor do I want to fall in love with this type of girl. I think I'm fine with where I'm at and being too short for these women.

I'll just continue working on being an all-around individual with the things I can influence for myself because it would make me solely satisfied while looking to be a part of the Lord's spiritual kingdom. 

Moving on With Positivity

I've turned a profit off of Poker from being lucky and having developed a decent strategy. I feel worn out by it after playing for half an hour, and there are also days I have to play longer to turn a profit. I feel like I can move on to better things for myself to make a living, but if there's free money involved then I wouldn't have to worry so much about playing it just for fun whenever I can make the time for it.

I think it's good for me to keep on improving upon my investing and trading skills to turn a huge profit without requiring that much effort. I feel great about making money in this manner. It is all about accumulating wealth from investors and traders who don't have the mindset to stay disciplined and are acting like rolling the dice after making a bad decision. It's naturally a zero-sum game with plenty of money in the pool to hold a position and then earn a living or take a loss.  

Afterwards, I can then focus my efforts on other good things to improve upon while feeling well-off. Practicing a positive mindset while putting in the effort to always do your best is the way to go while living for the Lord! There's no need to take things so personal anymore with other friends' rude statements which were repeated who don't want to be around me. I am not currently speaking to any of them, but I don't think it's going to last forever. 

Seeing Things Positively While Truthful

What seems to be working a lot is that there's really no need to feel sad about not being able to obtain some things. In a sense, it's a waiting game to get somewhere and you should be doing the best you can until you find yourself lucky enough to get there. This is pretty much my belief. By giving it your all while keeping a constant cool head of positivity after realizing reality will get you places.

What helps with the validity of positivity is the justification of these good things actually happening to you to keep you thriving and being mindful about these details. Being positive, self-confident, and hard working really is a lifestyle. It really starts all from the attitude. 

Working on Things

I really need to get my car maintenance done, get a refund by sending in some package, do some more crypto trading, work out, finish out those growing taller stretches again for fun and apply dubious growth spray, take care of teeth, read some book before sleep, and wear a mouthguard before I go to bed. 

With Poker, I think I can see myself making it a side hustle. I have a pretty decent strategy that might work. 

Starting All Over

Well to start off the new year, I'm writing this post on January 7 of this year by the time this post pops up. It's interesting how interest in this blog has its cycles and how there's so many opinions that I still have to express while just venting all about it anonymously. It feels great to be a nobody out there and post some digital content to just express how I feel in words. 

Anyway, my attractive close friend is all of a sudden too much for me to ever want to hook up with. She's never going to hear that, unless she had it coming! I'm writing it here to prepare for that moment, just in case. 

She's not attractive because she's mentally crazy sometimes over the little things. She isn't even the most beautiful specimen out there and I feel stuck sometimes talking to her because I want to be a kind person, which I don't mind. Therefore she's a close friend! 

Realizing Something Bigger

From having debated about my accepted shortcomings with being a short man, it's probably just a given that dating a girl who is determined to not want to show any sign of attraction is probably not worth both of our time anyway. Maybe the negativity part is really feeling left out because I think so many girls feel vulnerable about their bodies and have this superficial attraction to taller men in general. This type of girl is someone I won't be able to settle down with then, and I don't think it's a huge loss even if it does represent at least 80% of the population at some point of their lifetime with all of the eligible women out there. 

Thinking positive, I believe that I'm better than these girls anyway and can show it while proving it through my actions and with the things I accomplish from working at it. I don't really suffer from loneliness either and can look at the brighter and more important things. Besides just letting myself also give in to the shallowness with beautiful women, I don't want to join in with that game anymore from having suffered with negative feelings for a long time. 

There's something bigger to look at and I think by representing that, it can really empower yourself and others around you. I guess my soulmate isn't that great of a person for me to be around right now, so she can go ahead and wallow in her own bitterness and loneliness until she's able to turn it around for herself. She's dating a gentleman with above-average height right now and seems to be doing well, but it's only on the surface. I'm not interested in dating her anymore, but I'm permanently sticking to calling her my soulmate even if there's going to be so many issues continually added up. 

I believe that this bigger thing really originates from the Lord Almighty, while being all you can be with achieving wonderful things within your grasp. Lucky for me, I will be happy after obtaining what I think is just average. 

How I See Myself Now

I see myself formerly as an involuntary celibate who felt out of luck during college from being so shy and shallow about my own appearance. It's blatantly obvious that I'm only 160.655 cm (5' 3.25") which I can't cover up too well and 6-inch platform shoes would have busted my ego! I just wanted to avoid feeling the obvious rejection by the other shallow girls out there I was probably attracted to.

I'm a late bloomer and now a voluntary celibate so I feel like I'm better than anyone in the world. Still, I've managed to go on a first date with a cute and nice lady a few days ago for a short guy like me. I just tell myself that I don't want to date those shallow girls anymore and am looking for the more important things dealing with marriage.

Toning It Down

I'm now realizing that I can use my truthful words like a weapon to hurt the feelings of unsuspecting women who are my good friends. They aren't perfect by all means, and I never really intend to hook up with them so I've felt that all this chaos and trouble in relationships wouldn't happen with an ideal partner but I know it's never going to happen. 

The soulmate/buddy I made fun of was intentional for me to have a selfish purpose of laughing off an insecurity permanently. She rubbed me off the wrong way a few times from boasting about how she dates only taller men than me. I also never let her know which was probably why she reacted like this- she didn't make light of the situation and decided to drop me out of her life. I don't think she's that happy about making this impulsive decision. It's not a serious thing for me, and I'm glad that I went through with it to test our friendship. 

I'm learning that my height isn't really that much of a disadvantage to me but can just as much define who I am in a positive way. I've focused on greater things that a person can achieve on his own like wealth, great health, and better personality while being insecure about my height. 

It's now that a close friend and God bless her heart and hope she thrives forever has gifted me with a couple practical truths that were picked up from her therapy sessions. Mainly, it's about being mindful and developing positive affirmations with any distracting insecurity. 

Improving Upon the Mind

There's only so much you can do when you are by yourself while trying to find something very special. It's amazing to learn how you can be happy while being by yourself and also from growing so much over personal experiences with others. 

Something important impressed upon me by a close friend who has been through many years of therapy is having mindfulness that leads to positive affirmations which leads to positive results. These positive results then become a habit, which becomes a lifestyle that will allow you to live a full life. 

Better Time Management

I think my new holistic approach to time management is really based on clear concentration. For a person like myself, I do a lot of thinking. I'm also a fairly intuitive person and willing to accept almost anything on the spot at face value. I can make these gutsy calls without really thinking much about it. 

What I relate this post to is probably what everybody likes to ask about with me. It even pertains to those crazy religious doofuses from my past. They were seriously acting like a bunch of pejoratives with me. The fact that I didn't even act out that much in my own pride while they had good reason to be scared for their lives from how they were unable to behave themselves shows that I've come a long way to being a better understanding person. 

Even though I can go after suing them now for possible defamation and mental hardships while making a good case out of it, I don't wish to take them that seriously. I just have unresolved business with them that will be solved from just attempting to be a good sport with the person at the top of my list and if Crazy Lee isn't there, I'll be working my way down until there's no one left. This attempt will put my soul to full rest someday, but I have an oath to fulfill under God's witness before going here.

Therefore, I'm looking forward to reaching my main goals someday and then fulfilling this innate desire that's been passed on for years and could very well be decades! I really hope not though, but I'm happy under this peace of God so it wouldn't matter anyway if I never get around to it. 

Coming Up With Short Term Goal

I'm writing this post on the day before Christmas Eve of the year 2021. I have been very inconsistent in keeping up with my posts but it doesn't really matter since I'm about three and a half months ahead. It's pretty insane how I have been making this a decent habit of mine. 

Something new I've picked up on which I touched upon yesterday is how to concentrate properly. It starts with breathing and clearing your mind and then putting yourself instinctually into action. It requires letting go of whatever thoughts you are currently dwelling on. I don't think these types of thoughts are any bad if you are looking to work for a solution. However, it seems like some people prefer being lazy and not stressing out about it in general and then those years pile up with not doing enough to reach their full potential. I'm not really in this camp anymore and I did struggle with managing my time and different obsessions during some phases while maintaining a happy balance for myself. 

Doing it on my own takes a long time and it would have been nice to find myself a mentor but I'm so used to taking this journey. It seems like seeking it out can take a while for me and with not knowing where to look sometimes, it's just frustrating for me to not do anything in motion related to doing the act besides going for preparations. 

This whole mentality of maintaining personal confidence with a positive attitude and consistent effort and now combined with relaxed concentration is totally making achieving all my own desired goals more fulfilling! For myself, Jesus is still coming first in my heart and is the center of my spirituality that just keeps me empowered no matter what happens. It's like this peace of God underneath me that is keeping me relaxed and in full motion at a high level of standard even if others would think it's overwhelming or too stressful for them sometimes. 

Going for a Better Dream

I used to want to be acknowledged with popularity and liked by everyone, but it has clearly not been happening from asking the wrong people in general. I wanted to do well among my peers, but I don't think they really care as I can't really do the same for them. 

Instead of stopping at my own Facebook social media page, I want to go for something bigger now. I want to inspire others to be better versions of themselves while spreading around the good kind of humor. I would like to do this for free by just posting something online that could go viral. 

Better Concentration

I'm starting to realize that proper concentration is about blocking out whatever is going on in your head and then being attentive to what's needed whether it's reading for information or trying to complete some work. This is very important for my ongoing personal mantra so I believe this fits in now as a form of self-discipline. 

My mantra is still in order: positivity, self-confidence, and hard work. I'm going to add to it proper focus on the most important things and self-discipline. 

Unlocking Some Feel Good Power

Honestly, I feel like I'm better than anyone on this planet except for a few of God's chosen. I am a voluntary celibate! Supposedly these guys have been known to be able to finish some brilliant work, according to the old show Seinfeld.

I'm starting to really believe in this whole thing of chasing after values while connecting with a future wife. This is what I've needed all along. The couple girls I've been hanging out with are just too crazy for me to want to ever have kids with, and they can't even keep up with me from an athletic point of view. I don't think their focus is on really getting any much better with themselves because they aren't that active about it, or have other issues they think are bigger bugging them to go seek after a therapist. 

They are just good friends, and I never see myself dating them now. Examining values is now making it so much easier to feel it's case closed! I don't really want to be that open with these friends about how I don't like the idea of dating them. They do say that they hope I find someone, but it irks me because it feels like they want to pressure me and also say that they aren't interested to begin with. The thought of this makes me feel a little testy, but I did mention that I'm not interested in them but it must be that I'm angry about holding back and how they wouldn't want to. If this is the case, then I might as well just tell them what's on my mind and let them be schooled by me to never bring it up ever again nor with anyone, if I can encourage them to never do that ever! 

Moving Forward

I'm starting to not really mind being seen as a very short man now, even if it results in being looked down upon by women I meet who want to still date only tall men. I actually welcome the challenge. They honestly aren't that beautiful to me on the inside anyway. 

I'm not really into making dating decisions based on physical attraction anymore because I'm just tired of being overstimulated by it and then getting tired of the appearance after spotting a flaw that comes from a different angle. I want something deeper and I actually found what I need to look for from advice given by a successful married couple. They told me that I need to look for matching values and personality differences.

I can tell that I'm already very different in my personality and still struggle to understand some things about girls. I mean where can I still find squeaky clean and mature ladies around my age especially from hanging out with a couple girls who didn't know any better while figuring themselves out and having done some promiscuous things which I find to be no good. I did hang out with a girl like this already but I just thought she was too weird for me to be dating her and also I was still learning to cope with my lack of height insecurity! It's probably better that I spread out my time with meeting new friends while putting in the hard work to be successful. 

I think with these girls that I'm still able to hang out with them as just friends, I don't have enough matching values with them to be interested in dating them but we do have similar interests that allow us to have a lot of fun doing things together. It makes sense to me to confide in looking for a committed, romantic connection by probing for matching values. The height issue isn't such a bothersome thing to me anymore, since I can still build myself to become more healthy, athletic, and rich than those ladies who make having the right height or any sort of appearance a dating preference, which I find to be shallow!  

The good friend who claims to be shallow about height while dating is my soulmate. I mean I gave her that title and I choose to never go after being with her for the rest of my life. It's one of those funny beliefs that I have. I'm going to totally prove her wrong someday and let her realize her own downfall while knowing it's too late to do anything about it!

Staying Happy

I think a lot of it comes from being mentally resilient and persistent while carrying yourself positively during your own down days. There's always going to be a little sad and touchy emotion underneath, but I guess the process of dating for nice guys who are overlooked is to not give up and keep at it while doing something that keeps you in high spirits. 

For myself, it took me a while but I have found my confidence from trying to make money off of investing and trading for more free time. I also like to go running and hiking. Eventually, I'm going to do some more weight training to help build myself a beach body! 

The thing is that no matter how much you or others tell you, the majority isn't going to be able to keep at it! It can be very difficult indeed, but it's not like you shouldn't give up though if you are still interested. 

One guy I know thinks he's better and more deserving than others. I do too but the difference between him and me is that he doesn't want to always think and act like a gentleman when the result turns positive or negative. I'm more consistent at it then he is, so it annoys me with how he is and I think he's a lost cause and going nowhere with obtaining his goals from not having a good head on his shoulders. I have chosen to disassociate myself from him until I've reached my own personal goals so I can tell him that it's still not too late to turn it around by fixing some of his bad habits.

Improving on Situation

I'm of the acceptance that I can't do everything at once, but I now have this drive that I can always do better. I have this true self-confidence and that's probably what it's always been about for me. It's about performing better than before and doesn't matter what force is causing me to feel this. I'm basically a natural grinder. 

At the same time, I have accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior for all the past and ongoing mischievous sins that I commit. I'm even angry at myself sometimes like I can haunt myself with flashbacks that I wish I could take back and do better. It makes me want to yell out loud and start swearing over like I'm a guy who has been driven mad. I still believe that I can do better. 

When It Probably Matters

It's probably going to matter when you become more successful than others and get put on some radar along with some hopefuls who just want to look up to you. In other words, with being a celebrity, there are probably some exceptions and acceptances that netizens are going to collectively come up with and then start spilling some beans over with each other. Whether they want to drag down sales or something to affect a celebrity's income, I guess they feel empowered over their rage to boycott something whenever they are in that mood. 

I don't really have any part in it, but good friends do play a role and they probably have a stronger stay in your life than some gossiper who is going through some issues. Just a little while ago, I read another story about a boyfriend beating up his girlfriend. This gives me memories of being very angered by a crazy girl who was trying to just make me shut up about my anger issues because I couldn't communicate properly about it and move on. I've persisted so now I'm on a roll. 

I feel like I have put in the hard work on my healthy emotions to find that proper balance to achieve what I've wanted: self-proclaimed comedy that makes the perpetrator feel bad and stay quiet in response to me. My parents have been crazy and controlling with me, which I just started zoning in now so I'm holding them accountable about it lately and telling them that I will raise my kids better than them and allow them to decide how to live their lives when they grow up as another human being in the world! 

I've been manning up with natural self-confidence and communicating rather well with my parents. I feel like I can also do better than others who end up offending me over anything and even if I offend my own self sometimes, I feel like I can still be better. 

Making Improvements

I feel like I can do better than someone nowadays whenever I feel tempted about some old way that might waste my time momentarily. I think it's a blessing in disguise and comes straight from the Lord. I'm now falling asleep but I guess it makes sense with the time I should be knocking out. I just need to manage my time better with getting what I feel are my essentials out of the way daily. It's still a work in progress but I'm doing something about it and feel like I can still do better than others. 

All of this is my positivity for me and my natural drive to just keep on grinding it out. I'm feeling really good about making progress for myself now. 

Personal Belief

From how I've been living as a natural grinder all my life, I believe strongly that I can always do better than someone. Maybe I'm not that interested in what some people at the top are doing, but I do feel that I can lead a better balanced life than them. 

For all the things that I personally hate people have done to me and even about myself from having been dumb, I feel that I can still do better. I think this feeling is tied to my faith in walking with Christ. I'm a man of self-improvement and grinding to just keep on getting better and more balanced as a person because it makes me happy. I wish everyone in the world would feel very strongly the same way as I do and find their passion and place in this world but some are bent to their mischievous schemes or even lost in translation with living life itself!   

For myself, while I was broken I believe that Jesus found me so I'm going to identify fully as one of his children. The next step was finding the proper mentorship and guidance through indirect means. What I found was appreciating the values of positivity and hard work before getting around to understanding my personal direction. 

Therefore, I no longer see myself as a man of kind words but full of criticism and mockery when I've been angered by someone or something but I do believe that it should still be given a fair shot. If I personally catch on to anything that's truly evil, I will try to squash it. This is a difficult task that I prefer being humble about and probably letting the insiders with a guilty conscience to figure out.  

Staying on Point with Managing My Time

My time management is really bad and it's even driven a few of my close female friends crazy before. I guess my personality of being nice and funny enough is effective for them to feel bad about having looked down on me before and act like I deserve to date someone better than them! I realize now that being a short man has its perks. It naturally filters out all the shallow ladies quite well. If I was a tall man and got to this point of understanding dating women, I wouldn't want to date a shallow lady to begin with. Maybe she would be good at covering it up, if I turned out to be a sexy man but I've come to the realization after some hard trials and errors with building my self-confidence that a woman's appearance doesn't really matter too much for me to stay satisfied in a relationship. 

It's been crazy to understand what my life is about. I'm getting closer to my necessary revelations and feeling that willpower underneath me taking the proper route. 

Time Management Implementations

Okay, so what's on my mind right now is trying to make tons of money in the fastest and safest way possible. I really want to move on up in life now, but my roots are still in not forgetting where I was and giving back if I can while being inspired. 

I think the source of my main happiness really comes from worshipping Jesus in my heart. The Lord found me when I was down and broken, so now with all of this knowledge to help puff me up, I'm thinking that the result is a stronger and better version of me while still following after Jesus. What Jesus represents to me is salvation and joy over not being condemned for my past and ongoing sins. 

The thing that I now face is my mind daydreaming and wandering off with a lack of self-discipline and always experiencing a minor but fun mind lapse. In my childhood, I used to not be able to do this and be more along the lines of suffering underneath while doing my best to concentrate. Just from focusing on trying to push myself to concentrate, I would miss out on getting any schoolwork done to begin with and then I would lose some patience and go off trying to find something fun to play with on my computer. The routine became pretty lame after a certain point, so now I'm starting to see what I really have to work with. 

Mastering Effective Time Management

I think a lot of it now is pretty much having a clean slate that's going on in your head and willing your mind to focus on mainly the good stuff! It's pretty much focusing and committing yourself to doing what's right for you even when you're not feeling well physically or mentally. This is a very difficult thing to achieve but once you get past a ton of obstacles, then it feels much more natural! 

It's just worth grinding over with figuring out how to do it properly. I'm just starting to get better at it but what's probably getting me is how I'm letting my mind wander off too much. This is what I should be working on and finding a good balance for myself because I think it's fun wandering off over silly and funny things sometimes. 

Starting to Make Sense

I have a strong opinion that's formed based on my past experiences with people like Crazy Lee and a Chinese American guy named Washington. They were a bunch of weird wackos who were fussing about a petty situation they felt paranoid about! I was trying to be agreeable with them but Washington went around gaslighting others with his insecurity. At least he thought it to be true but he was a total jerk about it. His past relationship fell apart and he's probably never going to be around anymore ever. I'm glad I made peace with him a while ago, but that fool put a restraining order on me that was dismissed and I didn't even show up for the hearing from laughing about it while under pain of losing a friend, of course! 

It was crazy dealing with a man who was acting like a scared and spiteful little woman! Let bygones be bye bye gones. I wish I had the courage to tell everyone to go see a therapist back then. It was like total taboo for me to bring up and my manly personality was going to reject it and still does but I'm making do from being my own confident and mindful shriek! I'm saving myself tons of money reading books and doing inspired research like an Asian going bargain shopping.  

From these experiences, they suck and hurt but without accepting them, there's no way of understanding what's required with obtaining your true happiness. A friend claims I'm just dwelling on negativity; however, I see all of this as positive while playing out possible scenarios freely in my head. I have absolute personal freedom and a sense of nobility that I could embrace to legitimately feel like I'm better than anyone in the world! Yeah, let's go get that money, beach body, and cute girlfriend.