Just A Belief

I think it takes money to actually earn money. Like an investment needs to be made to get to this period. I'm really perplexed by how some people are willing to go far with doing scams. I wonder if someone has made a book on how some people create scams and actually profit from them. I would really like to know so I could avoid being scammed myself. For the most part, I want to use the internet as my main workplace now to earn a living if it's going to deal with me being self-employed. I do need just a tad of help, but hopefully common sense will help me get to a point of being profitable.

I do get enough offers to make a little bit of money for doing something called mystery shopping. I just don't like driving around places to audit shops secretly. Boy, it's really a privilege doing it but I just don't like driving around places and struggling looking for those places and then managing everything. It's really hard actually to be a mystery shopper and to earn a huge living off of it. I keep getting flooded on my e-mail with all these requests to do shops, and I'm just not really interested in doing them anymore. I guess this type of work is just not cut out for me. I'll just continue to look at it because it is something.


Alluding to the first paragraph, I have a conflict which is that I don't really have a bankroll to explore more interesting topics and the thought of not having enough money for living expenses gets me a little locked up from committing in other jobs I want to explore and learn about. I think the fastest way to up-track my growth in earnings is to become a consistent winner in where I could invest. Ideally speaking, I wish I could win at gambling all the time but that's impossible so that's why it's called gambling.

Trying to be more of a grown up, I'm taking out gambling on stupid things and wasting time in the equation of my living. So I really need to take some time to reassess where I'm headed.

Projected Boredom

I guess a lot of my posts are about feeling boredom now because that's what I'm attributing my main emotion. When I was at work and felt all bored, I think I just repressed that emotion at home and sort of tried to spoil myself a lot by staying home. Now I'm feeling major boredom at home because I would regret doing some things my instincts keep on telling me to do.

I think I'm going to avoid playing games or watching T.V. for now because in the end, the time was used up and I'm left feeling all bored even though I successfully beat some puzzles in those games. I think I would rather just read, study, or program on my computer to make games instead of being the one to play games all day. At least I can relate to a market then and get paid for making games all day long.

When I'm studying, I do feel some tunnel vision and a lot of it. I guess studying has a good usage because if I get out of the tunnel vision then I have some knowledge that I could use later. I guess playing games and watching lots of movies does not really feel like it has its place for me. Maybe, I'm just supposed to be the boring type who makes lots of computer games. I'm also supposed to be like a foot taller than everyone else too and have bulgy muscles while having a pretty attractive looking face with a lot of good things to offer while settling down with a woman who would make me feel so lucky.

Just Goal Setting

I guess this blog site has been a place for me to write about all my worries and anything that really pertains to my human self. I feel like I have been pretty much reviewing all of my mistakes, just about the majority of these posts. I'm pretty much spending a lot of time studying to become a trader with the forex market. I know that it's going to take awhile for me to succeed in this market, but know that it's possible to make a good business out of it.

I would personally like to be debt-free with anything financially and pretty much have a nice life for myself. Living in pursuit of going after golden opportunities has meant a lot to me. I think if I'm bored I could just increase more boredom by studying more, at least I'm doing something to keep my mind engaged. I want to learn mental discipline. I could also read more books, do some exercising, and program on my computer. Those things are awesome and quite cool.

So Bored

I guess to keep track of myself, I'm not playing video games for a long extended amount of time. Neither am I playing a lot of poker anymore nor doing anything really naughty. Therefore, I'm left feeling really bored right now. I really want to maintain good concentration even while I'm feeling bored now and to live with it for a long time, even if nothing really good is going for me right now.

I'm trying to pretty much discipline my own emotions right now. I need to spend the right amount in terms of putting focus on something very good. I'm not really going to watch that much T.V. anymore, which ultimately sort of sucks. Neither am I really spending that much time watching movies. I want to try not to get into those mindless and time-consuming activities right now. I want to really gain a lot of excellence. I think I'm really going to be about disciplining myself now, even if I'm feeling that things are not going too well. I want to now be very persistent in this area, which I'm feeling so much confidence over.

I understand my feelings so well with others now too. I also finally understand what makes me tick. I pretty much have full control over myself with whatever I need to do now. I think raising a family is something I will really enjoy someday. I think my days of being single are being more numbered as I'm really in age now to get married. Fortunately, I see that there are many good and attractive women  out there who may not mind settling down. I'm really counting out the girl who placed a restraining order on me. No way, she's like a stinky fish to me! I'm also counting out those girls who thought it was okay to block me on their Facebook. They had something weird going on with themselves to do that- yes, Annie Tran and Betty Lam over at Hope Church. I really don't care if they find someone else to settle down with. I wish them the best of luck in their future endeavors, as I know I will be with a more favorable position compared to them. Yeah, I guess on the long run there's really no comparison with a guy and women who acted a little crazy. The guy is no doubt the winner whether he is good-looking or not. All of that does not really matter in terms of him getting what he wants- it's really about him having a good and big heart, which crazy women don't really have!

Dumb Goals

I guess I want to try to get taller so I actually forget to do something about it pretty often because I get carried away. For myself I wish to be physically fit, a little taller, and have lots of money. I think if I was to fend for myself then I would have a lot of things to keep myself busy even though they would be pretty boring activities. My mind used to feel this high level intensity of nervousness whenever I would do something. It's just not really becoming that big part of me anymore because it's gradually going away.

Money does not really mean that much to me because I would prefer being closer with family and being married off to someone I want to spend the rest of my life with and it has to be mutual. What I'm a doing a lot lately is just reflecting on my what my life is about. I do like to center my attention a lot on developing a closer walk with the Lord because I see the pure goodness in having fellowship with God.

I think if I had those three things then I really wouldn't be so anxious about my life and be pretty much a free bird on this planet who could be at one place one day, decide to donate somewhere, and then develop something for fun while being acceptably bored with myself. I know that I'm also capable of teaching my own philosophies with someone pretty effectively, but would prefer to not judge others with them.

So I guess my own preferences is for me to get into shape and study to become rich right now. That's pretty much all I need to really put my mind into I guess.

To End A Potty Mouth

I have noticed that some dedicated religious people or some really nice people don't really curse as a daily routine. When I'm mad, I don't really curse at a person but will yell very loud at them. I usually get mad when a person yells at me first whether they or I engage the conversation. The only time I have an exception of being yelled at is for having sucked in a sports-related situation. That's the only time I will condone being yelled at by my martial arts master or coach. I actually think that he does that because he cares about me exceeding his expectations. I don't mind at all and would practice harder than ever. Any other time, I used to be okay at work with being yelled at but after seeing the ridiculousness of a person's standards and seeing how the person can sometimes mess up while I was there and then I don't get to where I'm supposed to be progressing, I might as well yell back at that person too if I feel he or she is being ridiculous. It's a lot harder yelling at an attractive woman, I won't lie, but I guess if I really lose it then I won't really care for that time being and just be like she's only going to end up being a close friend at best in the end.

The reason why I'm successful in these yelling matches is because I don't yell first. It's that simple, don't yell first and be confident in your reasoning with that reason you have with them and then when they yell, you are free to release your yelling energy at them. The only thing it gets them to do is stop yelling at you which gets really annoying all the time. I'm pretty annoyed at yelling at others too, so the only time I will reserve for yelling is when they yell first. I wonder how I would do in a yelling match against a drill sergeant. If he yells at me first, then well we got ourselves a war maybe for days until I pass out or something. It will be like that all the time, so I wonder if I'll even be smiling while yelling at someone. The only time I will ever yell is if the person yells first and sounds ridiculous for me. I will also give a warning that I'm about to yell and then boom! So pretty much if they had some expectation for me and felt I would do it, looks like I end up disappointing them because I don't want to think like them. I will pretty much yell when a person yells at me first when I talk to the person first about where they are going wrong or they talk to me first and then start yelling because they can't pay attention to my reasons. It really works for me that is, but maybe for others it may be different. I must be with an edge here again.

So overall, all arguments for me are all about who holds back with yelling first and then the person who yells first is usually the one at fault. This is my conclusion because I will yell second and make the person who yelled first feel bad about him or herself. So for me, I just need to relax and not worry with a lot of confidence in winning arguments while talking to people I have disagreements over even with girls who have misconceptions like Annie Tran, Betty Lam, Darunee Lee Wongstapadat, Jared Taing, Chai, Golf, Bae, and Christopher Kuch all over at Hope Church L.A. My advice for them is that it happens and to take care of themselves and realize that they might have been running a cult in their hearts while not knowing what they were doing.

Getting Rehired

So, looks like I'm going to be called back for work again. I'm starting this work training program that's related to the job I'm supposed to be doing. I see that the position I'm studying for is Low Voltage or the electronic systems technician position. I checked online and saw that it crosses these disciplines: telecommunications, electronics, and engineering.

Overall, I'm pretty bored at the job even with investing but I do need to work to hopefully support others and myself in the future, so yeah I have to go for what I can get right now. My friend has been pretty successful in selling some of his old items on Craigslist which is pretty cool to hear about. I hope one of these days I'll be fully off the hook with having to work, and even if I were to think about doing one of those scams that are related to home businesses, I would still be bored being scammed, so picking my poison, I choose to study and lower risk in my investments related to stocks. I have so much tunnel vision right now with how to invest and so much information. At the same time, I'm bored reading about investment concepts but somehow I understand what to do. I'm spending pretty consistent amount of time in learning how to read stocks daily. It is boring and the job that I'll be doing will be boring at times too. I guess working in general is boring for me, but oh well I have to work.

Coolness

I'm pretty much going to be up and at em'. This is very embarrassing to write about, but just need to be honest. Okay, so my mind wants to be so fixated on sexual things again. I really need to start thinking about these feelings in a more sharp manner.

I guess my objective is going to be about trying to study for investing on Forex. Forex is a market that's about transactions with foreign currency or referred to as foreign exchange. The reason why banks or smart traders can make money is because it has a floating rate meaning that the price is volatile and subject to rising and bottoming trends. I saw online that some Forex analysts can make a lot of money working for firms and be stationed somewhere in New York. Okay, so it does not seem like a bad investment to master Forex. It would then be a living where I would have so much financial independence. 

Making The Act Regardless of Feelings

Okay, I'm starting to analyze my life really fast right now and then I'm posting what I'm feeling. I need to have at least eight hours of sleep. It's funny because I have a tendency to want to oversleep if I go to bed at around 1 or 2 am, so if I sleep earlier I wake up more on time. My feelings are sometimes a little worn out, but I see that when I really pushed myself in these times, I actually feel great about having been diligent over it.

There's pretty much two confusing states that I have to deal with. One is my gut feeling saying this is good and then when I do it, I feel like an idiot. Another is my feelings telling me to be lazy and not focus and then when I do become diligent then I feel great about having done it. These are two areas that require patience to be able to discern and to act out. It requires being sharp to manage thyself. If I can have self-control then I'll be successful and go further than most individuals in life. The past does not really matter with me as they are just whack-like shadows and pretty funny to remember now.

I guess I'll share the stupid things I did that I feel pretty bad about. One time, I wrote on a dumb journal that I was going to rape the teacher sarcastically. The teacher knew it was a joke but I got in trouble with the vice principle for it. The police man showed up, and I managed to plead insanity while giving everybody a laugh about how crazy and stupid I was. I'm lucky I was still a minor back then. The second time the art teacher thought I was racist in college- that made me really want to curse at myself for doing something to make her feel that way. That's pretty much all I feel super bad about. So the police man acting really angry with me over at the girl's apartment because the girl Darunee was claiming the property was all hers which sounds very ridiculous because she had no real proof that I was being a nuisance outside. Everybody says the reason was that they called the cops while they started yelling at me. This is really funny now and I have the guts to call the cops on them too, but not going to because it's going to make them look bad for calling the cops on me. I had hand cuffs put on me, but I did not even go to jail. Pretty weird. There are other tenants and she's not the landlord over them. She said I was on a "porch" and it's not even a porch. Wow, Darunee Lee was acting really strange with me now that I think of it. She even placed a restraining order on me that won't even be permanent and she lost control of the situation while claiming she had the right to be a leader over my entire life and exert false authority. I wonder how I'm going to treat her when I see her again which I'm certain that I will someday. Just because they called the cops does not mean that I could call the cops on them too and then state that I called the cops as a reason so they were being a nuisance. I might as well just yell back at them if they are going to still overreact and yell at me. These guys were pretty much running a cult because they did not know what the heck they were doing and it's related to a pretty off-beat church. There are some really good people at that church though, and I see that the responsibility they had was personal and they break all these types of responsibilities because of what they did with me. I don't really care now that I think of it. The heck with it, I'm coming back and acting like what I should have done and cry all I want to if I have to or maybe even laugh about it the whole time which I'm pretty strong enough to do now.

Need To Stop Feeling Like An Idiot

This is really embarrassing for me to write about again. I get this feeling that I really want to do something and then I do it and then afterward, I feel like an idiot for doing it. This is how I feel about masturbation and viewing porn. It feels exciting but afterward, I'm like what an idiot that I was for doing it. I need to just keep a sharp mind and be patient when those types of feelings occur for me. It's easier said than done, but I hope it becomes second nature for me soon.

I read online that Forex investors could really make a lot as a professional while working for a firm. I'm pretty much going to try to apply myself in learning it now because it's something that I'm interested in doing. I'm also a potential programmer because I understand how to do it and have a background in doing it.

Increasing Opportunities

I guess reading about material is something that people normally do- that is those types who want to be successful in their field. There are so many stories that could arise and to have a person who was there in the front lines to share their exploitations and experiences makes it a really exciting thing to get to read about.

I'm starting to understand what some television stations promoted "Read To Achieve." Another slogan says that "Knowledge is Power." If I combine these two, then I get "Read to achieve power." I used to have some mental instability when it came to reading books and all this studying anxiety. I think it contributed to my grades sinking starting from high school. Now that I've overcome this anxiety and actually sit there for hours comfortably without worrying about wasting time while reading something that's a little dry, I think I have the right mentality now to just keep on reading anything. I'm just not really worried about absorbing every word in detail now because it just takes too long and getting the gist is like just sitting back and watching a movie for me. I guess I do enjoy reading a book a little more than watching a movie. It could just be potentially so much quicker for me and more engaging. I believe that I think about what matters to me while reading books sometimes. I might as well just adjust myself a little so I can perform better now.

I really feel like I'm not really a bookworm, I'm just reading because I'm interested in succeeding and increasing a useful skill for better assessing myself. I met a girl who claimed that she likes to read a lot of books; I guess this is pretty common to find in some women- this girl was Annie Tran over at Hope Church L.A. I was sort of attracted to her physically because it was some weird thing going on with me. Man, that was so weird to have those kind of feelings for her. I'm over it now, and I think it's cool just to be friends. I did try to prank her by giving her this weird looking glue-stick while picking up random gifts. Man, that was funny. So the poem about her being unattractive and not a boy-getter was just because I was incited after she blocked me on Facebook. She just seems to become standoffish, and some of my friends felt she was weird. I guess if she said she has a boyfriend then someone does not mind her characteristics then. I heard from a loser and questionable friend, Julio, that Annie has not a good-looking boyfriend. He relies so much on pumping himself up over the feelings of having muscles and aspirations of becoming a model. Okay, I have to say that's really funny now even though it was annoying so it's cool to let go for me now. If Annie's boyfriend is not really that good-looking then it must mean that Annie does not really care about what's on the outside that much but looks more on the inside so maybe the guy is a pretty good guy. I don't know, but I'm favorably guessing based on what Julio said about him. So for me, being short wouldn't really matter to her ideally then in just being a friend! I'm going to try to increase my height a little with these proven methods of stretching out your spinal discs by filling them with fluid through some proven yoga stretches. Pretty weird but it works so I'm going to stick to the plan. If I fail, I go down trying and don't care crying about being short each time the method I employ does not work. I'm never going to do surgery to get taller because that would be unfair for some superficial girl who thinks height matters so much to her in a marriage for her kids.

Finding Relaxed Assertion

I really like this still confidence that's a part of me now. I read somewhere that the Dalai Lamai said that enemies can teach you values of life more than friends and family. It was surprising for me that a group of individuals who thought they were all a know-it-all would turn on me, regarding some minor cult-like references with their church. The church is Hope Church L.A. I'm thinking to myself that if I were to come back then more people would actually end up leaving the church and that they're intimidated that I'm the reason for causing this speculation. I'm pretty much honored that they saw me as a powerful influence even though I was never a leader at their church. If I was one, it would be like they were giving mutiny with me. The cops came over and arrested me, but I never spent a night in jail. After that experience and if I were to announce that in public, would anybody else continue to see that I was being a jerk to them intentionally and if I was being one unintentionally that I should not bother them permanently? I should just be like the heck with it and show up to their property and run away to make them look bad with others who are there, if they are going to still overreact and laugh about it a million miles down the line. I could surely be a leader and have fun with it a lot because I know I'd rather go places, do picnics, and have a ball with some low-level intensity fun games while teaching what Genesis to Revelation literally says without adding any outside references to it. For example, I'm aware that some Catholics may actually have a relationship with Jesus but that they are still holding such a hard grip on their religious customs. I would say that some Catholics are the more imaginative brothers in the family of God. About the possible cult-like representation in Hope Church L.A., the guy who acted like a jerk Christopher Kuch stated that it's a community. What is it literally then, a puritan one that has like a little witch hunt trial in it and they would believe in hanging if that was part of the standard and expected norm to execute because they were expressing some excommunication factors? I'm not going to mention my X-factor that would encourage so much bad gossip about Christopher Kuch who identifies with Hope Church L.A. This is out of wanting to respect of what is meant to be and to hold highly venerable to that account. Chris K really didn't know what he was doing on all full measures and he did beguile me, which I don't really care and laugh about in private now. Dealing with the girl who placed a permanent restraining order on me that won't even be permanent (what an oxymoron and failure that it represents for the feminine gender), Darunee Lee Wongstapdat (what a long name and pretty baffling thai or funny name); I literally think now she was dealing with some crazy emotions not out of hormones or anything but instead living with some feminine misconceptions. The Bible says that women are the weaker vessel between a man and woman, so I think Hope Church is also tied to a more matriarch leadership instead of what God of the Bible naturally intended after Adam and Eve both sinned. Darunee "Lee" also mentioned to me that the church had some controversial dogma into it while telling me that she loves me in a flirtatious way because I stated that Betty Lam was hot in an email and then she started acting really weird by contradicting her own philosophies and then put a restraining order on me while telling me that she had nothing against me personally. Boy, what a compulsively bad and over-the-top maiden. I think she was also attracted to me even though I'm considerably shorter than her too. She had this speculation that I was chasing after Betty, but Betty was like saying she was cool with me. Betty also had these aggressive female emotions that would make her agitated, but I would have to commit a lot of my own to let her go and say it's not her hormones. Then again, I could live with that and say that Betty just had some female misconceptions again but it lies upon what I say about her; whether I want to be positive or not and this is what's going to reflect her image with other guys no matter how she wants to act. Boy, Betty can talk a lot and start laughing and over-exerting herself with so many words to come across as a little intimidating. I'm sure if I learned Chinese then I would want to cover my ears a lot. Betty does have a very pretty and flirtatious voice even when she sounds mad with you as long as she doesn't yell. Her persona in this way would make her really cute even though she's a little taller than me. My height didn't seem to be any speculation with Betty, who just smiled when I shared my very Korean photos. Oh yeah, I did establish a fun link with Betty by making her a book marker flower out of post-it notes and asking her out with some Read To Kids event. That was a lot of fun and Betty seemed to be a little inward that day with me. When Betty or anybody else would start yelling at me and I see it as preposterous, watch out with what I can do. I get filled with automatic anger when someone yells at me almost all the time, no matter how small or big the anger gets to. I'm not going to change myself overnight. My mom even encourages me to yell back sometimes in these moments and lay out my position of frustration. Seriously, people may see me as a pretty friendly or decent guy but when you yell at me then I may eventually be end you up where your position could become threatened. I don't want to make Betty mad intentionally, and I wasn't trying to go there. Some people would state my reasons are too flaky and that yeah, I did purposefully did it. I acted upon what I had and failed so failure brought me more enlightenment and I feel pretty good about attempting something even if it was going to earn me just rags. Betty was sort of like whatever to me overall even though I had these positive emotions with her as a part of me even when I was mad at her. The only torment I see is that I was chasing after to make her feel bad because in the end I wasn't even going to try to marry her. This is what I want to still execute, which is the decision to not marry her! There is seriously somebody else for me.

I thought Betty looked cool with her squared glasses and I told her and she had kept them on for awhile on the side note. She revealed like a younger twin with her older sister who I met and got along with amicably. I still hope it's cool with me and her if Betty is going to continue to sputter some words about me. She looks normal without her glasses because I was always accustomed to that. Now that I think of it, Betty's a little out there in my opinion, so messing around with Betty by saying I was going to chase after her really quieted her down a little from doing something bad with me. I sort of protected Betty by trying to flirt with her in a joking way and only because we were in a friend circle by trying to encourage her nicely even though she went off into her own world with me. I also tried to make a move on Annie in just being a friend. It's a little different with actually trying to set up a date. I learned quite a bit in managing my negative emotions in dealing with girls. Whatever Annie and Betty have, I must have been just a little sick in the head or something to consider something about them. I guess establishing a friendship with them is just better for me more than they could see because they're just women with some misconceptions. They're older women than me too and appear that way and they acted a little crazy with me which appeared to be so immature with me.

Oh well, maybe I was a little sick in my head back then by trying to give them too much credit. That might have been my downfall. My mind is at such a healthy level now that I don't feel bothered about anything that happened to me at all anymore. I guess I've learned to let go of my disappointments and look forward to progressing in the present and enjoy what the next day may bring. Overall, I'm starting to be comfortable tackling more interesting topics and challenging others sincerely. This is thanks to God letting me be me and perpetually confessing my sins with Him, even if Catholics would just want to lay off of that and believe in purgatory to be sort of lazy about their religion. I am personally convicted about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit in the Bible from Genesis to Revelation and think that its principles are so revolutionary and life-changing and yet so simple that it's hard for adults to comply but women and children could easily be sensitive to it.

Time To Fly Higher

I'm pretty much a little older than I was before, which is a no-brainer. Okay, I guess today I wasted a little time playing an online computer game that I'm doing pretty well in compared to other players. I guess I am good at something, so I don't really want to focus on that anymore and work on what I'm supposed to be doing. With the economy doing pretty badly, I guess I have to go the self-employment route which is dealing with investing in stocks. I'm pretty much going to put a lot of time into this to learn how to do it and make sure that I'm going to be pretty consistent before going any further. I guess this is going to be my money maker then and not really worry about the money later. I just need the money so I might as well just put some time into working at it. It does not really matter how smart you are, it's really what you want to do and how satisfied you really are at it.

Bad Timing

I've lost confidence in pursuing after some government jobs. I'm getting a large majority of answers from nice people that businesses are slowing down. I'm pretty much going to have to just go with the flow now full time with forex and just study it really hard to the point that I could make some money off of it, so that I could go back to school to get a pretty cool graduate degree in business. I guess I'm really unique than in this area, so I might as well just flounder off into this whole money making scheme by working the self-employment market. Being self-employed is the way for me to go then and I might as well do the best that I can for now on even if I continously mess up.

What I Need To Try

Since I'm ruling out a career as a truck driver now, I'm seeing that my best options with the best pay for me right now is to get an apprenticeship job. The education that you need is only a high school diploma with a passing grade in algebra. I've had a hard time nailing some of these interviews because unlike my peers, I actually do have a college education which is pretty nice when I think of it. It seems to bring up some complaints of compatibility issues sometimes, like they will ask me why I want to do this certain job.

I've been pretty closed off with my degree and find that to reach the higher limits I would actually need additional schooling and to getting there, it will be too time-consuming so why not start with a job I would be happy to work with everyday, even if the job is supposed to be for ideally people out of college. I'm going to have to invest more hours into this forex system. I don't seem to mind following it because by just following a little bit of it to the best of my ability, it made me some profit on a demo account.

One More For Catching Up

This post is to just make an extra one because I skipped on making a post. I guess if I really will myself I could pretty much type up a lot of endless nonsense on this blog and pretty much be laughing the whole time with myself internally. I find that having a blog has helped me understand my limits and boundaries with writing. I guess I'm pretty inquisitive in my explorations and find a little outet to make myself laugh underneath even though others may over-react just a tad and start blasphemening out of feeling angry and understanding something or just in a mood to make fun of others because they need to have an outlet like that too. I'm getting this from a site where I would leave a lot of comments and then immature teenagers would sometimes write some crazy comments with me that are funny. I've managed to write back and draw some good laughs which is cool even though I've written very controversial material to these teenagers. Have you ever heard of Digg?

It's an article-submission based website where you get to promote your own personal words whether you want to be filthy in language or not, nothing really gets censored so all the nasty stuff that people would say actually get singled out sometimes because a large majority decide to make that comment controversial. You get to pretty much hit a thumbs up or thumbs down button to promote someone's comment out of thinking that it's really funny or pretty good. I sometimes leave comments because I'm just seeking attention and don't mind if people leave me negative feedback anymore. I seem to don't really care because it's a type of distraction for me, if I'm sort of having a bad day. I just feel like the crowd is a bunch of hormone-driven teenagers, who try to give you a hard time if you make a pretty lame or controversial comment. My time with it has been actually pretty enjoyable overall and influenced my writing a little.

Another Moment of Honesty

I do have a lot of books in my bookshelf, and they do interest me a lot. I guess I've been just thinking about some stupid things lately and have to start thinking about less stupid things, if that's going to my personality for awhile. I guess being a guy who can relax under different circumstances and be patient with myself while being very hard working will pretty much get me to thinking that life is a lot better than you could imagine. Finding the zone where I'm supposed to go does not seem so hard for me anymore.

I'm pretty much jumping on the bandwagon a lot with good things and sometimes not realizing that I've been doing those things. Maybe, I sometimes take too much for granted. About this whole having a lack of sex thing, (haha) it's going to take me awhile to accept it if that's how I'm going to live. Masturbation and porn is not solving my insatiable desire for intimacy, so knowing that those things might be bad for me if it turns into an obsession, I might as well just not go there from now. Out of respect, I might as well pretend I'm scared of sexual behavior.

Just Having Fun I Guess

It looks like that for my practice investment account, Foreign Exchange currency, I actually did make some money trying to tie in a system. I'm going to focus a lot more on it because if I were to use it with a lot of precision then I will actually make a lot of profit in the end. I think it could be a lot of fun for me then to apply it and than let my account continuously grow. I guess I'm going to have a full-time job as well at the same time. The neat thing about my jobs right now for me is that I'm still considered a government employee, while kicking back at home to go back into it. In the meantime, I could be focusing on this online trade and actually become really good at it.

Trying To Make Money

Right now, I'm focusing on making some money so that I could some net savings and live comfortably. I think that if I really put some effort into this whole investing stage then I might be able to come out a big winner before I hit thirty, but I'll still be happy to have some comfortable income to be able to support myself. I pretty much want to pay off everything that I have to owe like my car and possibly make a down payment for a pretty good home. I heard that some banks have foreclosures of some homes at pretty decent locations, so I'll be wanting to actually get into purchasing one of those houses. I guess being on my own like with my own house might be pretty cool with a pretty above average income. I remember some real estate people talking on television about buying a beat up home and then remodeling it and then selling it without having to worry about making any payments- that's so smart because it's like being the middle man and making only the profit!

So I'm not going to lie even though this is embarrassing for me to admit. I have pretty large amounts of sexual desire. It's funny that I'm actually mentioning that I'm not really attracted to the slightly crazy girl who put a restraining order on me and also another girl who I said that I was going to chase after. I was sort of messing around in a safe level of activity, so it's pretty weird that they ended up acting crazy with me and these girls attend a church called Hope Church L.A.! These girls are the ones I mentioned already, Darunee and Betty Lam. I think Annie Tran was also going through some emotional trials too but at least she wasn't scared about letting it out with tears but it seems a little misleading for me still. Oh well, people are all born different and it took me awhile to be able to read some selfish hearts. It should be relatively easy for me to be content when the restraining order is completely off. Three years is nothing because Olympians wait four years if they miss the gold! The World Cup soccer players also get to wait four years if they messed up too! There's always a next time if you create the opportunity, so waiting three years to go back and make it the best memorable situation you could make out of it is nothing compared to having a personal life that you're happy to maintain in the meantime. Man, I really don't care about being shorter than them too for some reason now. I may come through some breakthrough exercises or psychological strains to make myself taller in two years or at least my offspring will get to drink plenty of milk because I'm going to down milk with them in the mornings before they go to school. I also don't care about how selfish they are going to act with me. They're just girls who had some personal trauma and that maybe someone or Jesus if he's really working in their lives will work on their hearts and bring them to a level of harmony or reconciliation with themselves. It's not hard to spot this because these girls are all the middle child of three sisters.

Almost Scammed?

I received some phone calls from telemarketers about starting a home business to supplement some income. I guess I'm just bored lately and don't mind getting these calls and hearing what they have to offer. I've pretty much said no to all of the calls because it feels like I'm smelling a rat each time. Basically, I'm just refusing to pay anything after they say "Free" and then start charging for their services or reword it in anyway. Yeah, I'm bored so I signed up to get these calls. Oh yeah, I did get a call that I liked which was called Prepaid Legal Insurance. It's basically a company that gives you insurance money  if you have to go to court for getting sued. I'm wondering if I could use it if I ever come across that slightly crazy girl who placed a restraining order on me again.

For about 90% of the choices that I made for home businesses, I've actually pocketed or known someone who made a lot of money with it. I guess that's a pretty good statistic for me. I'm pretty lucky then because I actually did make money for putting some effort into it and that's something that I should be proud of. I'm now at the point of my life where I'm shooting after trading foreign currency. I guess I'm going for the big leagues where the banks actually do play on these fields. It's going to take a lot of time to get to understand it. I'm also laying off on truck driving because the hours and making money seem to leave me at a disadvantage. I almost got suckered into having a life of a truck driver, but I'm sure I would have been able to make 100,000 dollars a year by doing team driving which basically puts you on the road longer and then you like split the profit or something. A lady who was my truck driving teacher said that everybody wanted her attractive body so she had to carry a shotgun and that her driving partner one time had smelly socks and that she couldn't stand it. 

Started To Trade

I guess making money feels boring for me on the long run but it's neccessary for some things in this world. I don't really want to get so caught up with greed anymore because I see it as hurting others on the long run. I remember watching this one story on a kid's television program where this guy was a really honest guy and then he knew where all this treasure was in some mystical cave because some spiritual being entrusted him with it. So these greedy businessmen one day found out about it, and they contacted him to be their guide to the treasure. At the scene where he finally led them to a room filled with treasure, the party all went into the room and started celebrating about the treasure and parading all over the place leaving the guide to ponder about their motives. He thought to himself, "They are filled with greed- it will invite evil in this world." He then pushed an ancient button next to the entrance of the room and locked the business people in the cave forever and that's the end of the story.

I really think diligence is a characteristic that forms through disciplining the mind and heart. So the modern saying goes, it's all in your head. The Bible says that a man plans his actions through his heart but God directs the footsteps. I'm trying to make myself taller still and I know it's not that big of a deal anymore. It just would be cool overall if I could squeeze out my height to become a 6 footer. I guess watching a girl who blocked you on facebook vent with steam or act frustrated with you about it while you're towering over her does not seem to be that big of a deal when you just stare at her and laugh pretty hard internally while saying nice things to her to make her even more mad. This whole facebook issue is what happened with Betty Lam and Annie Tran over at Hope Church L.A. My sister did it as well but she ended up deleting her Facebook account and also I think my sister does not really count for anything significant with Facebook.

The thing that sort of sucks for me a little is that Betty is actually taller than me so far and I want to be taller than her so I can smile while talking, but even if I don't have the height I should not really have any problems using some brain power here to persuade her to stop being delusional and unblock me on Facebook. I may actually end up being taller than her someday even though I'm rapidly reaching the age thirty. Heck, I hope I still grow even at the age of thirty. Annie Tran at Hope Church L.A. can just go along with being happy in her marriage and leave the town and migrate to another church to be more closer with her spouse. She can leave with everybody's blessings and/or concerns. I'm actually a little taller or about the same height as Annie or she may be a little taller which makes me feel a little uncomfortable as well for some reason. I feel like I'm a normal tall person when I stand next to my sister. I hope I'll be even taller than the girl who placed a restraining order on me someday. I need to start working out with those dumb yoga stretches to increase the capacity of fluid in my spinal discs so that I'll appear taller. My arms have the length of someone who would be 5' 7" so I hope my arms lengthen out or something through hanging on to a pull up bar or something for hours. I guess doing things that are funny and being persistent with it is better than just sitting there with a sad attitude.

Same Old Suffering

I guess there's two ways of looking at it. Sometimes you can see the glass half-full or you could see it half-empty. There are just about a variety of reasons to think about when making a decision, obviously so if you suffer from indecision making then that could be pretty bad even if you make reasons about it to make yourself feel better. Haha. Ultimately, it's the person's responsibility to tie in closely with having a life style and a person has the right to express his or her own opinions about it.

For myself, I'm thinking more about the future and on the how to of getting there with my present choices. Having negative emotions are just a state of mind and not really that important to finding happiness if you could be patient about getting somewhere you want to go after. It's difficult for some people because they are just too sensitive and sort of make a fool out of themselves for fun around those they are comfortable around. So I guess this one guy named Carlos Julio Rojas who I introduced to the church, Hope Church L.A. may not be fully comfortable around everybody. That really makes sense with me now. His honesty sounds really foolish but I guess that's what he values and it's ultimately him being responsible for his life even though he has a lesser mind than most people do. When I used to challenge him, he would sound really nervous by talking gibberish with me. I guess I could do that with him if I feel like he's being a pest and laugh about it continuously even if he's going to celebrate over nothing that's really that big of a deal to try to annoy me. I'm okay with that because I used to be that way just to mess around with my little sister. I don't even see it as a taste of my own medicine but a path for me to outsmart him on a daily basis and just be happy no matter what he does or feels about me.

Interesting Idea

I think to get every desire your heart could wish for, it requires patience and a strong mind and a hard work ethic. Keep in mind, it may never come your way in this lifetime. Making decisions are like one of the most important factors and becoming wish-washy about it could sometimes be a waste of time.

Placing full trust and confidence in God may just be the key to my life through studying the Bible diligently. I mean I would also have a job and othe responsibilities to take care of. Getting to this full level of excellence by being diligent may just be worth it for my life now. I'm going to exercise everything that my heart desires and be patient with the Lord to account for all my needs. I think I need to exercise preferences for end results.

Happy 4th - One Nation Under God

I HOPE THERE ISN'T ANYONE ON MY E-MAIL LIST THAT WON'T KEEP THIS GOING.                                                     Happy 4th of July!.... Let's get this started now,   So it will be out there on the fourth!  I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE   FLAG, OF THE UNITED  STATES OF AMERICA , AND TO THE REPUBLIC, FOR  WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER  GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH  LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!   KEEP IT LIT!! KEEP IT LIT! For all of our other military personnel, where ever they may be.  Please  Support all of the troops defending our Country.  And God Bless our Military who are protecting our Country for our Freedom. Thanks to them, and their sacrifices, we can celebrate the 4th of July.  We must never forget who gets the credit for the freedoms we have, of which we should be eternally grateful. I watched the flag pass by one day.  It fluttered in the breeze.  A young Marine saluted it,  And then he stood at ease.  I looked at him in uniform;  so young, so tall, so proud.  With hair cut square and eyes alert,  he'd stand out in any crowd.  I thought how many men like him  had fallen through the years.  How many died on foreign soil;  how many mothers' tears?  How many pilots' planes shot down?  How many died at sea?  How many foxholes were soldiers' graves?  No, freedom isn't free.    I heard the sound of Taps one night,  when everything was still.  I listened to the bugler play  And felt a sudden chill.  I wondered just how many times  That Taps had meant 'Amen.' When a flag had draped a coffin  of a brother or a friend. I thought of all the children,  of the mothers and the wives,  of fathers, sons and husbands  With interrupted lives. I thought about a graveyard At the bottom of the sea. Of unmarked graves in  Arlington .  No, freedom isn't free.  Enjoy Your Freedom and  God Bless Our Troops. When you receive this, please stop for a moment  and say a prayer for our servicemen. Of all the gifts you could give a U.S. Soldier, prayer is the very best one.

 

Need To Stop Daydreaming About Stupid Things

Okay, I need to stop day-dreaming about how I'm going to have fun with these irritated and ignorant fellows (Annie Tran, Betty Lam, Jarred Taing, Christopher Kuch, Darunee Wong, Pastor Chai, Bae, Golf) all over at Hope Church L.A. Man, they were pretty dumb about something dealing with me. I need to stop daydreaming because I keep on continuously laughing about it and it's keeping me from attending to my studies. Yes, I study and I'm trying to do it a lot. I would like to have a clear mind now, so I have to give some effort in not imagining about their dumb efforts because I've already logically countered it and am satisfied with it. I managed to let go of Washington who was also being an idiot too because his dad had already died, it's like he was giving himself an excuse to become a jerk overnight. Not cool. Washington should have realized that he was self-reliant or something, and I had good faith in him when I originally called him an idiot as a joke. I am being honest and will be continue to be honest, even if they want to try to sue me for being honest about their life because these things are all related to me very highly. It would be a different story if I was gossiping about others, who don't really relate to me. Because I'm using facts and personal experience, I do not see writing about it honestly with me is actually pretty bad for me. It may be bad for them, but not bad for me.

Not A Natural Follower

Patience is the key! I have always liked the idea of leading other people to places instead of being the follower. I'm pretty much going to have to give my best effort everyday, despite failing and then go for it again. I think the key for me is to never give up and just keep trying and build up experience to reach to the point that I want to obtain. I shouldn't really be afraid of my desires and just allow myself to change in the areas that I need to.

I'm thinking about contributing by helping myself first and then sharing it with others. I don't mind being very generous about it and applying ethics with what I am doing. It's going to be about just continuously doing battle and just being relentless with what's important to me and then accept being at the top, whether it becomes boring or not.

Okay, This Time I Hope I Get It

I pretty much want to store some riches so I never would have to worry about money again and just have free time to do things that would require money like affording to give time and contributions to volunteering charities and going to different places.

I have a somewhat sexual addiction so far and am trying to live with it. I'm going to try to pawn my bad sexual habits and give it to the Lord in exchange for a spiritual life of freedom and great self-dependence away from sins. I think sins can actually trap people, even though it seems to give you pleasure but in the end, it feels like for me I regret doing them. Having a life of sin is just not happiness for me after all.

It looks to be seen if I can master patience within myself and actually become fruitful for the Lord's kingdom in every area of my life.  I'm just going to have to try to dodge my sinful nature by being occupied on other things and just have patience to sweat it through with the Lord's guidance keeping me from stooping low and committing a similar sin again. I'm feeling really repulsed about having viewing pleasure with porn now. I'm really getting fed up with it, logically speaking.

Up To Date

I guess I'm not really worrying about my image and just letting loose quite a bit. So with a bunch of nobodies (Jarred Taing, Christopher Kuch, Annie Tran, Betty Lam, and Darune Lee Wong) over at Hope Church L.A. who blocked me on their facebook page, I'm not okay with that! I get it now, it's their lack of personal direction and security that caused them to loosely attach some chain of events with me negatively. I can see it from an acceptable light that everyone could discern as being very possible now. I am satisfied with my thoughts being seen upon as very, highly possible and explaining the motives and just fun with it at the same time.

Everyone has problems and making a selfish decision to block someone out of your life really needs to have a good reason. With them, I was not about forcing myself upon the girls even though I'm glad that I come out looking as a heterosexual. I was just trying to get an understanding without frustrating myself and now I get it which feels so good. Knowledge is powerful and a really thoughtful process invented by God! I'm not saddened by this new found hype within myself. I might as well let loose a little more on detail. I read about a guy threatening a girl to leave town. I did not do this to any of them, why would I need to if they did something bad to me when I could just go up to front to them and have a nice laugh about girls doing something that feel bad to me. They are also not realy famous, like you don't find them on a Wikipedia page and I know because I checked, so I think they might be afraid of people a little. I'm surprised out of all the Annie Tran's in the world; there's not a really popular icon in this whole world. These guys may feel like a star at times at their church, but I'm afraid that the way they have been running things with me have been awkwardly getting me to sense that they are running their church like a cult, so I have no problems that a girl who leads the church kicked me out of it. Everybody laughs when I say that I got kicked out of a small church. It's cool, I get it too and laughing about it too because I do belong to a church anyway and it's a large one compared to their small ratio, so it's not a big deal and it's like only 30 people who would be against me, maybe not even a single one even now because they might have realized by now that they were acting a little insane with me. Did I say that I'm describing Hope Church L.A. to the best of my ability that I can? So no, it's not okay that they kept on blocking me on Facebook even though I don't really care about it personally. I think they were wrong because I'm perceiving it to be about them having had a very bad experience with themselves and that they need to turn a new page in the chapter and unblock me because I see it as wrong and can actually communicate effectively when they can't listen while feeling angry with me about something stupid and nothing now. This stuff used to scare me because when people get emotional and irrational over something wrong they did, while I'm trying to fix it with them it can get a little ugly sometimes. I'm brave enough to release everything about this incident and to have overcome it to the point that it's nothing. What they did does not absolutely hurt me anymore, even though it would be very wrong for them to do this to every person in the world, so it's wrong they would do it to even one person which is me.