Living This Complicated Personal Life

From being single, it's amazing how much freedom I have to do whatever I want. Yet, I want to find a very sexy single lady to marry who will do it proudly with me! I'm not sure about having kids, but if they pop out then I have to feed and raise them. It's just what happens, I suppose. When that day happens, I think it's going to make me want to cry a little out of so much joy with finally getting to be a dad.

Yeah, it will be a fun routine of making love in marriage for the rest of my days or as much as my body can handle it. Being around the same lady friend who I was physically attracted to, I guess it comes and go but I just don't care about it. I just have this feeling she's not into doing that sort of thing with me. I accept it because she doesn't feel like my type either. I guess I'm really getting this feel that a weird chick who is one of my closest lady friends and will be moving away soon is like a sister to me! However, she does like me being more confident and hard working. It's universally an attractive trait to keep in mind. Something to keep going with myself, basically even when I finally find my happy match.

I think life is really attitude driven and without a positive one, it makes life a lot harder to deal with. I'm just going to have to personally get in there and make it happen with what I desire to do while leaving out the smaller distractions because after all, there's only 24 hours to spend each day and trying to do everything at once is overwhelming so have to pick the most optimal ones. I guess it doesn't hurt to have cheat days as well sometimes because it makes life so much more fun. I don't believe life should really be all about work until you drop dead. I guess it needs to really be about prioritizing personal values and developing yourself while continuing to go around and meet people while adjusting your outlook in life as necessary.

How Times Have Changed

I used to have a hard time mentally from feeling worn out and with a moody attitude that would constantly flicker around from being emotionally weak to my surroundings. It wasn't easy because I was looking for approval from others, while not being able to accept everything about myself wasn't good at all. It just started to change around when I decided one day to just keep on working hard while keeping self-confidence. It just happens for me like turning on a switch.

A few things in the past are still pretty irritating for me to think about, but I'm not about to let them put me in a bad mood now. I have come to accept that some people just blocked me on Facebook because they just didn't want to get my messages that they were reading. These people sort of upset me, but not really because I was trying to make fun of them with those messages the whole time to relieve myself of my frustrations with them. They obviously had a hard time with me sending them those messages, which is funny in a way actually. I'm totally okay with how the past turned out for me, and it's all meant for the better because there's always room for me to make personal improvements on.

It really doesn't matter, and if I ever go back to visit the few who chose to stay behind and not move on with their lives yet, I better really have some cute plans in store for them!  I'm not afraid anymore to speak my mind out in person. I feel so alive and considerate with everyone also. It's not about them and never really was, it's always really been about being sure of myself.

Plan Of Action With Spending Time

It looks like I'm putting too much time into something that doesn't always feel rewarding. Yet, it's something I'm only doing to try to earn money for making a living. I'm basically going to resort back to playing Poker seriously whenever I get laid off from work and really have to now. In the meantime, I do want to still work on building more of my software engineering skills and just keep on practicing with becoming a great swing trader. Adding in Poker has become too much for me with my busy life.

I think this is making a really wise move. In the meantime, I'm just going to keep on going after hard work and staying confident. It looks like I will be trying to tune out a lot of personal distractions and just go after reaching the goals of my true desires. 

Currently, I'm engaged in developing a difficult app with a team on the side and want to put some more effort into building my programming skills. I work as a developer right now so in a way, it's pretty good to add that in as well for my years of experience. I'm slowly finding consistency with being a profitable trader. I would like to hit the gym to build up some more strength and also cook myself some fine meals. I'm also looking to go out to meetup groups which is a place for strangers to socialize and become familiar with each other. It's a great place to make some friends while doing something fun. Just maybe, I'll end up finding someone to be with someday. Also, I'm trying to make some time to keep on listening to my audio Bible daily. I also have a Nintendo Switch with like four controllers to play around with a little for entertainment and to bring with me whenever I can to play with friends. 

Stuff To Work On

Well, I don't really practice ethical behavior for the most part if I can get still away with it. Probably the only thing I won't ever do is anything dealing with fornication. It's really ingrained in my soul somewhere to get married before enjoying sex! If I had no Jesus in my life, then I would probably have risked catching some venereal disease by now.

I'm not going to lie about the questionable activity I do, but I just do so because it's fun to pass the time with it and it's not really harming my body with drugs neither is it wasting my money from doing so. It's pretty much downloading software that is supposed to be paid for and using it to my heart's content. I haven't been caught, and I think a lot of people in the whole world do it too. I'm working with obtaining pirated copies of video games even though I believe that they are the only software you should ever pay for. The only consequence is really being banned from the developer's main server if they ever find out, so I'm only playing the offline content with other friends. I guess if I enjoy the game so much, then I'll go out and buy it so I can have fun with others online. On the other hand, I don't really have time to play it so I would never go out and buy it right now. I guess for myself, I'm just calling it a long term trial run for me and if I ever feel like spending a decent amount of time playing a fun game, then I'll go out and obtain the legal copy.

I think the trick to not get banned is to buy two consoles. One for amusement purposes and running pirated copies while the other being a fully legal version and then buying all the fun games you love to play for the legal version and keeping it online while the other being like a fun toy to mess with that you keep offline permanently. I'm not even going to host my pirated copies on a server either as I obtain them because I don't believe I should make any profit off of it or propagate it. Pretty much I'm just a leech with downloading copies and ending it there. It's a little dirty trick I'm playing to get away with not having to pay off some people I respect. I guess it comes down to comfort level and for the most part, it looks I'm just part of the minority really who would do something like this in the population anyway.

It's like if people had the time and money to spend, they would get into playing video games but it seems like the average person really doesn't and will get bored of it eventually so he ends up with only a few popular games that he paid for and played his heart out with already. I'm really looking to save money and explore what makes a great video game because I want to make one too, even though I know there will be a minority pirating a copy of my future game. If I ever get there that is because it will be like my end game level.

I think the best people to work with are those who don't really talk about how they are having a hard time with something and just keep going at it. I mean because it's really interesting to them that they will keep on putting in the hard work to try to make it work. If they are already talking about how they are lacking in skills, then I think it's a very toxic attitude to be around. Even though a few of these people are my friends, I don't think I can ever take them on as professional colleagues. I'll have to branch out and look for better people out there to make some money with.

Focusing On Time Management

I think there's really only two things for me to deal with now. The first is pushing myself to do some more and then also dealing with being very sleepy. It's pretty hard to do anything more when I'm under those two modes of thoughts. I guess that's why it's not possible for some people including my friends to be successful. After all, there really needs to be also some type of intelligence involved to be thinking about all these things that I'm dwelling on.

In a way, it's sort of a blessing to not have to worry about what others are really thinking about me now. I think I can seriously live my Christian life for Jesus by doing the best I can to live daily for him while also continuing to try to listen to the Bible daily. I'm actually not religious at all anymore, while maintaining my faith in Christ. The Bible is pretty challenging to listen to and understand sometimes for the most part. I'm just listening from using an audio Bible and it's already like my sixth time going through it in about three years. I never feel like I've heard enough so far!

Manning Up To It

Sometimes, things don't go a person's way especially after asking so if you feel there's nothing wrong about it then it's best to move on, otherwise; open up about it while being nice as you can! I think being a real man is also being able to stay calm within yourself and be really nice to like the meanest person in the world. I'm laughing while knowing it might feel crazy but yeah, it takes a lot of good character to be able to do so.

I actually saved this draft while typing up something fast as I can, and it feels like I was on some major high three days ago. It's pretty nice to be like in that rush. I really need to start exercising better time management and picking things that are the most important. Since I have this job that I have to work and on the side I'm trying to program a really difficult app along with focusing a little on Poker and making lots of money trading currency, yeah it's a huge bundle to take care of each day.

I guess it's fun to play Poker for nothing serious and to not worry about it. It's an interesting skill in that it's like forming a habit and learning to brush off those bad hands or if an opponent catches his miracle card. It really does drive the best poker tournament player in the world nuts when his opponents get away with it and eliminate him. Of course, since his reputation is being a brat, it's okay for him if he gets away with it from everyone else whenever he has to!

Committing To The Effort

It's pretty much the same in what I'm looking for. I'm grinding away while trying to make a lot of money and obtain a really nice beach body. I'm not doing this for trying to get all the ladies, which might be fun but it's more like because I'm just interested in it. It's seriously the same old in that I just need to keep on pushing myself and working hard at it. At least things don't seem so empty anymore with what I'm trying to do in life.

I'm trying to make money from swing trading, programming an app with a group, sticking around to get a pay raise with my day job, and play low stakes poker. I still need to get outside and start hitting the gym to build some muscle. I also would like to start cooking too, so I need to figure all of that out. I mean it's fun to keep on doing the little things, but I think I just have way bigger plans in store for myself. It's still such a rush while feeling stressful sometimes. 

My Hunch About Dating

On dating sites, I don't think there are very many pretty ladies on there! I've been getting matches with unattractive looking ones since Day 1 while trying out two, new dating apps that highlight my confidence and getting rich potential. It's still fun while building some personal confidence because I know these ladies don't care about my height.

Besides, I can drown out those personal feelings of negativity because of my failures or from others by focusing my attention on being self-confident and working hard at something! It feels good and I give credit to the Lord and Savior of mankind, Jesus! It puts a smile on my face right now while thinking a little bit with after thought. True Christianity really is a liberating faith and this whole feeling of having bondage with religious ties is totally bogus. Some people are cool with submitting like that to an authority because maybe they feel good or something weird like that; I don't really know, but they are dumb in my opinion. It's still their preference, so I'm going to stop trying to make fun of it.

So in conclusion, I think being a genuinely nice person while working hard and confident along with being a successful person with the body of an Adonis, I don't think very many people who know me are going to keep on being so bothered about how short I am if I become that person. If they do otherwise, then I think they need to be recommended some therapy because it's not my problem! I'll see if I can land a beautiful chick. Supposedly, it makes sense after reading this article, https://nypost.com/2017/04/12/why-hot-people-arent-worth-dating/ .

I was going to post it on some social media, but felt it would be too clunky with sharing my opinion about it. Basically, the quote to share from that article is: “Successful men who are in shape have the pickings when it comes to dating, [but] eventually they want a woman of substance.”

I now understand how to change this font back to normal, cool! Okay enough digression, I'm going to try that out with being successful and having a major, hot bod at the same time. I want to test my theory of how being so short will make me harder to resist with shallow women out there, while having that. I'll play games with them while being genuinely nice at the same with hard work and confidence. I'll see if I can melt their hearts away!

Seeing the Bright Future

A lot of letdowns happen all the time, and it can be discouraging. In those situations, it might be easy for some guys like myself to just plug themselves back into something wasteful like getting off on porn. I can see how it disgusts some ladies because it doesn't deal with them and maybe they haven't met a really pleasing husband in the bedroom! It is supposed to be like something private and a meaningful connection instead of like trying to put on a show for entertaining others while looking hot.

The solution to all of this mess underneath for me is to just focus on being confident while working hard. Even if it feels boring, it's just something you have to commit to sometimes especially with all these little details. I could be a little more vigilant with my decisions to be better successful while utilizing my time.

It looks like I've gravitated back to playing online poker again but this time I'm having fun with messing around with gaining play chips for free and trying to grow into a multi-billionaire and be one of the best players on there. Afterwards, playing low stakes speed poker makes it fun. They are both different worlds but getting a feel for how they can be interconnected really has helped me to appreciate my losing efforts better!

I'm just trying to conveniently make money nowadays and it looks like using my brain to outsmart opponents from engaging in currency trading wars and playing poker without having to do meaningless business chatting has been fun! I also have a developing job where I talk to others and it's also been fun to collaborate for making a big mobile app on the side. I can see that it's great experience and something to put on the resume, along with having some online mini master's degrees on software engineering, development, and design. I'm just trying to make a lot of money while doing something I'm into and staying in shape.

Keeping Head High

I guess a few things can really end up worrying me like yesterday. I thought I lost something I've been working on and putting a good amount of time into. It was really a bummer and thought someone stole it from me. It ends up I just left it in one of my desk compartment. It was a sigh of relief but during yesterday while I was stressing out, I was considering how I could wise up for next time. I'm not going to forget that lesson learned and seriously watch my back better!

There's a few things I seriously need to work on, like putting in the effort to do more even though I feel worn out. I think that's about it! I just need to push myself to get it done more and to deal with all of those confused emotions and to continuing replacing them with an attitude of personal confidence and hard work.

Best Things To Pursue After

For myself, I think the best things to pursue after in life are the things that you think or know would provide the biggest happiness. It's not just one thing, but from having several desirable things achieved. I guess having proper mental health does play a huge factor. It's also from acknowledging how there's someone close to you or a stranger who can act like a jerk from not being very comfortable about his or her situation.

It was annoying having to deal with some peers who started showing signs of being paranoid and angry with me over something they really had no responsibility with me over in the first place. They were adding in lines of saying how people should live and these people already made their decisions. It made sense that these former friends would act all weird like this because they were trying to boss me around to create what they thought was the ideal church we attended together. I made the mistake of asking for their help, and I didn't think I was that big part of their church. They were mainly showing their cold side because they were unaware of the stress they accumulated from the fast paced culture in Los Angeles. It didn't work out for them and they are laughing stocks, but I'll try to stay classy about it while keeping my cool right now.

I can see that it is pretty overwhelming to contain for some people while being able to fit all this together and stay relaxed. It's really just two things needed for the enjoyable consistency that will follow after: personal confidence and hard work. This being said, let's get to what I think is best for me since this is my personal blog!

Accumulated wealth with freedom to not work

It's easy to see why. The saying of work hard and play hard is at its full effect!

Sexy and healthy body

This is like the ultimate feel-good scenario of building up so much of that up for oneself. It's a lot of hard work to maintain it and so easy to neglect which I disagree with doing.

Preparing delicious or healthy food

There's nothing that could be more rewarding like putting in so much effort to cook tasty food that is also nutritious and filling. I really don't care if this even attracts certain ladies, but it's just something that feels really good personally for me. To be able to cook for loved ones and see them eating it while they are totally honest about having enjoyed it, yeah it's always like the feel good moment of the century whenever that happens. Yet, I don't care if they criticize my work because I can always try again or move on to something else.

Fun

With so many different activities to go try and enjoy a pleasant experience on, the list will never be completed in anyone's lifetime!

Useful Knowledge

Life sure becomes a lot more fun and convenient when you understand how things work and have to solve some minor problems without losing any time.

Sexy and loving wife

Since I'm a straight guy, I'm saying really hot wife! If she is all into giving or getting a fix then it's a no-brainer that she's an amazing woman to her husband, along with having an awesome body.

Love of Christ-centered life

I think the first six things are universally agreed upon to be what would make life so much enjoyable and fulfilling from a human perspective. In fact, the Bible symbolizes the number six to represent man and it means imperfection. The number seven means completeness and heavenly perfection to the ancient world. It's similar to the seven wonders of the world that went around in ancient times. In other words, the Bible symbolizes the number seven to represent God! I really do think having a spiritual resting place by giving worship to the Lord really does rejuvenate our failed heart and provides foundational support with being consistently confident and hard working for a very happy life! It helps one to be resilient, disciplined, and likeable while being mild-mannered.

Improving On Making Strides

To increase in productivity level while continuing to live a content and balanced life, I personally see that there needs to be a combination of confidence, hard work, resilience, and patience. This really gets me thinking back on the subject of dating. I think attractiveness and getting a match is sort of like coming to an agreement. Right now, they don't know that I'm clicking the like button because I'm accepting just about any lady who is within my location. I'm really interested in just who I would match up with. After clicking on everybody close by and the ones I feel comfortable with, I'm noticing that the only exception is that I don't want to match up with someone who is mutual friends with another while not really being into her. This is the only time I'm going to judge her attractiveness. Other times, I'm just hitting the like button because it's going to save time to narrow down my choices later on and I can ignore her too if I'm not really interested or change my mind.

Secondly, it's these implied thoughts that I'm able to sense now. For an unattractive and overweight woman, she might be thinking that she's fine with how she is and that she doesn't need to lose weight. I am of the opinion that she should because she could seriously look so much more attractive afterwards and would make her turn out to be more desirable for me. She could agree with me on this fact and maybe she's making the effort but I don't see these results right now from her. I don't know her motive from never having met her and maybe she's tried and given up a few times which is also a turn off for me. From having these thoughts, I am taking on a major disagreement with her by not choosing her to be my partner in the end.

On the other end, I'm revealing my short height and posting honest photos of myself out there to make it easier on the ladies. They either like me or don't, and I seriously don't care now. I'm going to keep on working on my appearance and status in the meantime while just looking to have fun with people while passing the time. I could maybe meet a special lady from doing that as well! There's really nothing I can do about having turned out to be short even if I want to feel like it's a curse on me sometimes. It's the same way with not being good looking as I would like to be comparing myself to others. If a lady instinctively chooses to ignore me for those reasons, then she's made her decision and if I did the best I could to change her mind and didn't work out then there's really nothing I can do about it anymore and have to move on. It's pretty much like having a silent disagreement because of her preferences, and there's really nothing I have control over so might as well move on and keep on searching for someone else to be interested in which could actually still be a lot of fun!

The way I like to play my cards in meeting a lady is with being proper and so smart. I think the reward is so much higher that way while being a genuinely confident and happy individual. There was a guy I used to hang around with who would try to force his way in from being aroused with ladies and just trying to touch their bare skin everywhere while focusing his attention on one lady at a time. He's most likely been lucky with one lady like being close to an actual one night stand, but it looks like he became bored from doing that and knowing that he didn't have enough money to support a future family, he eventually eased up on it because I think it came to a point that he was no longer a boy but turning into a fat, ugly man with some macho sized arms and maybe had a situation where he felt threatened about a girl potentially reporting him for sexual harassment. There was also a security guard who didn't like what he was doing, so maybe that was another stressful-related event that caused him to wise up a bit more.

Taking Notice Of Myself

On dating apps, I have taken notice that the ladies who are right away interested in me are those who I think might be having trouble finding someone to date and are open-minded with trying me out. I take it as a complement but I'm not really interested in them, too. I guess I'm shallow to a certain degree and judging attractiveness based on their photos. Yet, I still wouldn't mind hanging out with them and learning about their personalities. Maybe, I could end up changing my mind someday. It's just that I don't think it's worth my time, in addition to worrying about other annoying situations I would like to avoid if it didn't work out.

I think the attractive ladies on those dating apps don't have any problems with getting attention, so they would appear to be so busy or waiting to match up for their ideal person. I would have to say they are pretty lucky for having nice looks, but there could be a little hassle with them finding someone nice for them, if they still have a dating profile. I guess there's nothing wrong with that and feeling insecure about them ignoring or rejecting me, while having an idea of what they are trying to do would be the wrong direction to go. Being a man, I shouldn't really be bothered by it and accept that the online pool of ladies interested in me could be smaller than I would like while also not being too interested in them!

Still, I think it's fun to just try it out and have an idea with who I could end up with. Basically, it looks like the nice single ladies out there who aren't really that physically attractive would be the ones I could realistically date the easiest. I just can't really tell them in person that I don't think they are pretty enough or too overweight for my dating preferences. Yet, I'm open to possible friendship, so it complicates things because I want to always seem nice without hurting their feelings. With people being people, these ladies who struggle are probably not the most resilient people out there and will find some breathing room to talk about their problems to someone while not getting consistent turn-around results which is a turn-off for me. This is the judgement call I am making.

I guess I don't really care if a lady I like ends up wanting to only be friends. I don't mind staying that way while working hard to keep on trying to improve everything about myself and will go looking for someone else I can accept as my partner. I basically don't really care being rejected or put on hold or whatever now because I can always respect that part. This gets me thinking that I should have just told the lady who was frustrated with me my true feelings. I was physically attracted to her, but I was feeling at the same time that she might not be right person to be with. I was only interested in being a nice person and trying to work on a decent friendship with her. It didn't work out because I was too shy to reveal all of this to her. I've worked on my shyness ever since and it's been better with how things have turned out.

Really Building Some Character

I think it's really about taking things seriously in what you do with your time. What this means to me is laying off of less important things and prioritizing with what I want to really do to get myself going! The more I'm able to focus on what I want, the more sooner I will be able to accomplish it, assuming that it is reasonably within my reach. There are definitely some tasks that I will have to break up into several days because it will take up so much time for just one day even though it may be fun to get consumed by.

I mean I do want to live a balanced life after all and make time to go find myself a beautiful lady to date. I don't think it would be such a hard decision after all then to let go of something really fun, time consuming, and not that significant at all for love. I'm going to have to keep on laying off of surfing the web with some fun curiosities to pass the time that I will most likely be forgetting anyway and go for picking up on more of the actual good stuff!

Taking Control Of Personal Urges

Well, this immediately gets me thinking about something irritating from the past that I have to deal with. A dude I hung out with a long time ago because I lacked confidence in building friendships and just being friends with anyone, used to walk up to girls and touch their hands and arms and all over as much as he could because he just felt so aroused by it. He said that he didn't want to have a baby because it would be game over while doing that to ladies. It really rubbed me the wrong way because I didn't think that was proper so I guess that means I like to still be nice even if everybody in this world was to go crazy with me. It's a strong statement but if I had a gun and it was legal then I probably would use it in that imaginative world to protect others more than myself, right? Maybe it's me first instead and then others.

It's a whole bunch of baloney to think this me against the world situation. It's a weird sensation from just knowing that I'm feeling angry. I know that I feel frustrated and mad underneath but I'm able to have nice conversations with people and focus on the bigger thing. This is all in the flesh and a terrible emotion that I'm feeling, but I don't let it drag me down.

If I'm able to keep these uncomfortable feelings under check now while feeling so confident and in the mood for working hard which is my usual memo now, I feel quite good actually and very happy! Comparing myself to this one lady from the past, it's laughable but I think she had trouble managing her frustrations with me over something ridiculous! She didn't want to talk about it either so I guess that means she just wanted to run away selfishly and protect herself from being in harm's way because she felt so paranoid about it. I definitely didn't do her any service while trying to sugar coat everything from feeling shy underneath. From having learned and with me talking in a more straight-forward manner, even my most insecure friend who I refuse to associate with lately thinks I'm humorous. It's a good thing to be associated with, and I think it's just from having the capacity to communicate openly with what I'm feeling and thoughts while not implicating any harm coming their way. It's just nice to say stuff and laugh from it being so funny personally. I think my insecure friend is even able to sense that about me from my texts and play nicely with me. When he doesn't agree with my jokes that make fun of him and me expressing a lot of LOLs, he either remains quiet or gets defensive.

It really doesn't matter what he says because I have his number. It's the same way with another guy who agreed with another person going crazy with me having just given up on me. There's another guy who does the same too with this guy by just reading my messages and not responding anymore. I know he's reading it because I get confirmation he received it. This guy will confirm it but the other guy looks like he doesn't want to read my writing because he knows it's going to tick him off so much and that I'm going to spoil his fun afterwards at his expense. I'm capable of putting myself in there with people I feel bothered by and just making them hear me out these days.

Yet, I still feel like being a gentleman and how I'm so lucky from having got away with it. I was going for like extras and desserts after feasting on the main dish with these people. I failed to obtain them, so it wouldn't figuratively be like the best meals I've ever had, but it's like I fed myself plenty of healthy vegetables while trying to deal with these people. It's amazing how strong you can become from staying confident and hard working.

Self-control With Discipline

Obviously, there's really no one but for myself to work on. I think it's really about just hanging in there and continuously looking to make some adjustments to ultimately keep on doing something you have a passion for doing. There are a lot of tempting things to do and get around from all this searching I've done. Individuals who went crazy with me in the past were scared by how I was able to demonstrate this ability in some form. I'm lucky that I got away with it and I was searching for doing something better with them for my own pleasure while hoping they would snap out of it. The way I approached it doesn't work, so lesson learned and looking to move on from it now. My mind has naturally been sharpened in that area from having stressed a lot about it, while not knowing what I was really doing.

From these struggles, it's how I learned that confidence and hard work are really the keys to being successful while feeling lucky from having a working mind. A guy I know struggles with being smart enough and is not effective. I think this also contributes to his depression that he accepts while adopting useless theories that makes him feel so unique from having brought it up himself. He's still not going anywhere with it. He's really committing the sin of trying to escape his own reality that he has too much trouble handling sometimes.

In contrast, I have this image of being smart enough and it scared the individuals who flipped out because of me trying to get things my own way with them. I really didn't want to move on because I felt there was a proper way to exchange channels without being so flabbergasted at them while continuing to stay nice. They really influenced a catharsis upon me free flowing my words, but I managed to stay really nice still in the end. It's a work of art for myself that I don't accept proudly because I still haven't got things my way! Yet, I'm happy to work on myself with moving on while being genuinely satisfied about the experiences which I think is just imagined conflict from their end.

It's pretty hard communicating with people who turned crazy and can't help themselves with being stubborn. Not telling them about it is really doing them a disservice because I grew up confused with my parents constantly arguing with each other over stupid things and managing to stay together. My mom has this selfish personality of wanting to protect her own image. I'm totally not about those things and stressing out, but managing to still hold it together.

Building Skill From Hard Work

I'm now noticing that by doing things on own with some hints to help me out, I'm pretty much just trying to intuitively put together a working system for swing trading. It's taking a lot longer than I would like, but this whole trial and error thing while looking to profit three months straight is turning out to be a wonderful challenge for myself. I still haven't got there and maybe lasted up to almost two months.

I don't want to be a day trader either which I can relate similarly to playing Poker. It's really not in my preference and something I will do only when I'm waiting somewhere. I don't think it's in my best interest anymore to spend some time playing it while having all of these valuable resources available to me. I really should maximize my time spent with doing the harder things that would feel good if I accomplished them. It's just that I'm heavy on procrastinating, so this is what I need to work on for myself.

Learning To Limit Myself

This is what I'm currently thinking now. Hard work is pretty much long hours of grinding and how it feels silly losing to bad players in Poker! Even when you are holding the best hand, your opponent can still catch up from gambling that he will get his card. Most of the time, he won't but with the times he does get it, it's pretty much time to take a loss then.

In this game of trying to keep the winning percentage, going into the business of playing Poker can pretty much stay a one-man operation. It can be a lot of long hours spent gambling and also trying to outclass other opponents to make a living off of it. What I'm relating it to the most right now is a casino. A successful casino will always have the winning edge with those typical games where players can gamble and try their luck on. Having several tables operating at once, it's like the winning percentages will pay off on the long run and make them stay in business as long as the players keep on coming from treating them like valuable customers.

In a sense, with hired labor doing a lot of the physical hard work, it can be pretty nice for the owner. What I'm starting to get at is that from playing Poker, I'm taking a gamble at how I'm a winning player and using my experiences to build upon always making myself a better player. Yet, it's so much time that goes into it while still being a gamble. It's probably not the preferred route for me after all, and I'm pretty much just spending my time on it to play for fun. It's probably just a delusion then that I can be a professional player, while not being full-time with it. With a lot of above-average players losing money in this game from gambling on variance, I shouldn't statistically count myself as excluded. It's just playing for fun and getting too into it to pass the time would be a wasteful effort for myself.

Building Upon Experience

I think failures really can teach a lot after going over them. It's probably better to always do the best one can and then just relax instead of tearing everything up from being so disappointed with something not desirable happening. It can be really tricky with these emotions going crazy and then causing the person to shut down or just do something to relax while waiting for it to pass. I feel like I'm at an advantageous point because I'm the one who is writing about it and putting some of my heart into it.

This is really not based on reading someone else's writing because that would take forever but really diving into what I know. I guess I'm sounding smart to myself right now and it's always a good thing because I went through that hard time of just grinding on this blog while not knowing what I was really saying. Even my most popular posts will always stay the best but they are filled with some funny nonsense!

It's interesting how a few readers could be coming upon these words and with what I'm about to say is that, I'm not doing this for the numbers anymore. Hence, I'm the anonymous #1 Computer Science Blogger of blogger.com! It's a hip and funny assumption I'm making for myself. My only argument that tops everybody else's is that I have a fond attachment to my goal which is more consistent than all the other Computer Science-related bloggers on this hosted site and will be until I don't exist on this planet! To join the ranks and compete against me, just type in Computer Science for occupation and hopefully I'll be seeing your profile and clicking on it. Most likely, I will be regularly if I think you are a funny girl!

So my strategy from building upon the failure I experienced is something I will explain by telling a little true story from yesterday. I had the best starting hand in Texas Hold'em history, pocket aces, and then lost all of my $5.00! There's really nothing I can do about it. It stings and hurts and it's like I'm walking away from poker again for awhile because it drives me crazy after awhile seeing these well-played hands going awry for me. Still the percentages are that if I play this good consistently, then I will experience the good side of what a casino usually feels!

What I'm saying is that it's good to keep what was working and then make some adjustments. I "guessed" that I had a significant advantage and I was correct so maybe next time I'll be the one who is taking all of my opponent's money.  For my risky swing trading, I properly predicted the correct direction the market was going to follow but even though I lost my battle yesterday; I'm going to keep my analysis the same because it worked and I was spot on for all of those trades even though I took a loss to each of them before exiting. I just have to come up with a better timing strategy and this is what professional traders like to call the famous pull-back! I can see myself collecting millions of dollars and a happy life with a sexy wife who is constantly crazy about me. Yes, the dream life feels so much closer.

Better Perspective

I'm believing that upon trying to listen to the Bible daily during my sleepy and daydreaming times while driving, it's really about placing God first for me. Upon placing this faith and trust on Him, I don't think it's wrong to let yourself naturally meet someone of the opposite gender with a similar mindset who is also interested in you. This can lead to marriage, so this cool moment should happen right after prioritizing things for the Lord! 

This is pretty much it in my wrestling thoughts about going to church to meet someone lovely who likes to greet you and shows genuine interest for like the good of mankind! It would be totally contrarian to teach Christians to not marry someone you like while attending a church you go to for worshipping God. It's probably just not really placed a lot of emphasis on because I guess people are naturally going to do this anyway. I guess I just feel weird about it, so the solution for me would be to build my personal confidence from just working hard and staying in worship of the Lord. 

Going over my current thoughts, I have an underlying speculation about why a pastor might bring up going to church to worship God and not be there to find someone to marry. First of all, the relationship is likely doomed from the start because it's based on selfish expectations. Secondly, a God-fearing pastor is going to probably feel better about not having to do so much marriage counseling if he teaches this! Concluding this matter without much thought, I feel like if it doesn't end up working then there's something better out there for me anyway.    

It really caters to my desires to want to serve God, so if it feels like a burden then it's not really my calling. I mean it's easy for me to make fun of God's servants while being mad at them, just like it is for some people. I guess from not caring and by focusing on the truth and being hard working about that to the best of one's ability is the way to go. This probably just means eventually letting the frustrating moment go. I find it easier if I'm honest with my reasoning and just baffle them while laughing at them while being straight up via texting them! Generally, they really do like to leave me alone afterwards. 

The optimal strategy to base things off of is that anything can happen to mess with a person's emotions. There are going to be some highs and lows every once in awhile so it's really advantageous to have a stable mind and capable of self-regulating one's own emotions to an acceptable standard. This is pretty easy to neglect by habit, but I guess I put enough work into it because I wanted to be accepted by everyone. Nowadays, I'm starting to not really care so my future adversaries better watch out!

Overall, the main underlying principles are to always put in the effort to do your best while working hard and being self-confident. It's a winning combo and can take down even the biggest obstacles that stand in your way.  

Making Things Simple For Myself

Everything that's working against me has to really identify with stress and other entertaining distractions. I mean I really have something meaningful to work for now and it's probably based more on my passion. It's something that I really need to recall regularly though so I guess I just have to get myself started and keep moving in that direction I desire. It's wearing me out and it's easy to be lazy after work, but in order to build confidence for myself I really should be continuously working hard.

This also means that I'm going to have to make some lousy sacrifices. After all, I have about 18 subcategories that I want to fulfill daily. There's just too many to list them all in one sitting, so it's cool that I have it all saved in a to-do list on Google Sheets. Going through all of them on this post does feel too sheepish for my standards!

Sticking To The Plan

It seems like my plan is becoming more black and white and aligned with what I want to do. My goal is to pretty much just succeed, raise my confidence, and meet enough single ladies who are my ideal personality types to go dating and eventually marry one! The motivation is really that clear cut and well-worth it for me.

I know that I have my place in this world with software engineering and development. It fills me up with this excitement and joy despite facing a lot of challenges. It's still fun for me, so I guess I shouldn't let up on it because it can be a suitable career for me in the long run. Even when I'm not working, I can still program on the side to try to make money or give back to an open source community.

I hope I can be rich enough to go travel and enjoy a lot of healthy fun activities that include love making with the sexy lady I get paired up with. This is just a hopeful wish that I'm willing to work really hard for, even if it never transpires. In other words, I'm just hoping and okay with accepting if it doesn't happen because I can keep on working on building my confidence.

Really Not Much Incentive

I think I must be like the unspoken standout of the Computer Science in occupation category for this blog site. Yet, I don't think a lot of people really care! It's still fairly pleasing to me that some readers besides me go on this site. I don't know who my audience members are and likely I don't think they will even leave a comment which could be unnerving as well! It's interesting that there's really not much of a massive following with Blogger.com and I think it has to do with the name and setup with all of these unique blogs. 

It would make sense for new bloggers to want some sort of incentive and it's about attracting visitors to their site. I don't think it's going to be happening, if they put down Computer Science as their occupation and my numbers seem pretty decent compared to the other 2000 blogs that are mostly left alone but I have done enough writing about a whole lot of nothing to get those views. I'm not really anybody famous either and have a bare resemblance to the CS field. I have just adopted this setup over the past years where I have been polishing up with sharing my personal thoughts openly and have grown to become confident about it. 

It's not like I always run things smoothly though, and I still have clashes with an old friend in his mid 30's who doesn't have a job yet and still in school trying to be an art teacher. He's been pretty weird, but I just text him what's on my mind sometimes because I find it to be entertaining to find things to genuinely laugh about him. The thing though is that he still tolerates the way I argue with him, unlike others who decided to ignore me because they were so bothered by it. I think I was just wasting their time while they were stressing out about it and feeling it was unnecessary so they made a personal decision to not put up with it. For the time being, these people aren't anybody special or big players in this world. They are like blended in so I don't think I have to worry about it anymore, even though it ticks me off and I can debate confidently against them now. The experience has still been valuable for me in understanding my people preferences and how to deal with people properly who are annoying me in general. It does most of the time take self-control and I'm realizing it's just a temporary, aggressive mood that I'm feeling while under loads of stress but I'm smart enough to not take it out on anyone. 

Putting Forward Daily Effort

I guess my main motivation despite what family and friends ask me about finding someone to marry is that I want to have a lot of personal confidence and be well off financially while also having a pretty nice, athletic body. This is pretty much it and the lady I want to find is someone really sexy, pretty crazy about me, passionate about being romantic, and nice.

Yeah, it would be an awesome life to work very hard for and wish I knew this is what I wanted a long time ago besides letting myself get carried away with video games and entertainment to try to drown out my miseries with not knowing what I wanted to do in life. I do have a bigger reverence for the things of the Lord now too from listening to the Bible daily, which I believe is a major connection for living a fully content life.

In the meantime, I'll be working on developing apps and studying more software engineering on the side while also doing a little bit of swing trade practice for my professional development. I could have worked hard as a truck driver or even find a comfortable role as a noncombatant soldier in the U.S. military but I chose to stick with a family business where I have a pretty prominent position. I'm looking to build off of this experience and make myself wealthy.

Working On Discipline

I think there's really no other way around it but to just put in hard work with doing what you love and hopefully, you'll be lucky enough to get there. I think I'm just not putting enough hard work into it or something like it which is causing me to procrastinate by doing other things. I guess there really needs to be a level of comfort, which is like making something to be the main thing.

I'm really into software developing and learning more about it, but I'm just taking my time to get started on it daily and need some motivation to get started each day. It just must be really hard for me, but I think it's worth it to keep on going for it and trying very hard to get there. It's what I enjoy doing after all, despite all the craziness of not getting it and putting a lot of effort to try to make it really good.

Settling In With Normality and Useful Things

It's pretty obvious that it's common for the majority of people to naturally do what they have to do. For myself, I have had this feeling all my life to procrastinate with doing something because I just don't like the feeling of stressing out. As a kid, it was fun to do some things and surely a lot of that has outgrown me, but now there's even more grown-up fun things to go play and enjoy by going out there to explore the world and meeting a potential mate.

I guess it's come down to the point where I'm just accepting this is what I'm interested in doing and regardless of feeling worn out or not, I still want to gravitate towards it for making myself a decent living and hopefully, become lucky enough to strike gold and then live comfortably while traveling and enjoying things working people can't do. The main things are really personal confidence and putting in a lot of hard work. It's really the foundational principles of my personal life. I still feel totally new to it so in a way, it's wonderful and fresh. I was smart enough to get by in life without a lot of confidence, but now I'm about developing more of it. Deep down, what I think is helping me persevere to get there is really from believing in and trying to study the Bible from just listening to verses everyday. I also pray and think pretty heavily about what I'm listening to sometimes. I have some weird prayers like marry me Jesus, too and then recant those.

Despite not being a really attractive looking guy for obvious reasons that I can find fault with myself: for instance, I'm just short and it's scientifically known that the majority of ladies out there naturally like guys to be taller than me. There are exceptions of course, like taller ladies who want to hit on me. It's no bad phenomenon to me anymore, but just playing some numbers game.

When it comes down to the long run, I think falling in love is the most important characteristic for happy sex! I'm not going to shy away from it while knowing it's a funny comment for little kids out there and some adults who can still live with nice humor. I remember those days. It's really about finding true love after all and that's what it means with hitting the jackpot.

I favor normality with being the basic package I'm looking for in a single lady to be with. Getting some more would make me feel more lucky each time, but the best feeling will always be falling in love! While working on myself, I think letting personal confidence shine brightly the most works like a charm.

It's true that people who have lived like forever on this planet might value an intelligent partner over a good looking one who doesn't want to have sex. Also, having good character might contribute to falling in love. It seems like that from the basis of how a good friend got married. She said that she's jealous of her husband's kindness because she can't match it! Her husband is sort of funny looking to me so it gets me smiling a lot to myself often because she's the better looking half. What I tried to cover over all is that for myself, I need to combine intelligence and good character with hard work and personal confidence to make myself appear to be the most sexy I can be to the single ladies I want to be with and then go ask them out. Hey, it would be pretty interesting if a hot lady thought I was too hot to be with and would be so cool to find out!

New Professional Self-reflections

It's most likely not going to be a good idea to try to gamble for money when I'm really bored now. From having been at amusement parks and while standing in a long line, I have had some connection problems getting to a poker game that plays with a $5.00 buy-in using $0.02/$0.05 blinds. It can considerably be pretty challenging sometimes because a lot of poor people all over the world try to play it to make some extra money on their free time. It's just chump change and sure, it can add up to bigger losses for anyone if he wants to play stupid. From having put some effort into building my skills, I can usually last for a long time with an expected earning wage of only $1.00 per hour. This is why I don't take my game of playing poker very seriously anymore. I don't want to grind my way to the top with those numbers nor improve with more time invested anymore. I get too sick of it after awhile.

Instead of having nothing to do while being bored and trying to do the next easiest thing which is to grind away while gambling for taking home some profit, I can instead focus on building my confidence to approach the attractive and interested, single ladies out there since I'm still available. I could be like heading to the gym or putting in more hours to develop myself as a software engineer. Even better, I could go out with some friends and go do fun road trips with them while putting in some effort with being confident. It's really getting better for me since I am outgoing and not in bad shape.

I have learned that for trading purposes, it's probably better to avoid entering trades on the closing and opening days of the market. For Forex, it opens on a late Sunday afternoon and closes shortly after noon on  Fridays. While it's closing, the opposing price can spike against your trade from its spread rising. During the opening, the market really is warming up and it's pretty hard to get on there since it's relaxing Sunday. Therefore, I consider my trading business hours to be Monday to Thursday. It's definitely not a good thing to look to trade the Forex for fun while being bored. It needs to be treated like a business in order to make some money. This is something I have finally learned for myself.

Dealing With Being Sleepy

It feels like a good portion of my life is really spending time on the road thanks to all the Los Angeles rush hour! Commuting around after work to get to another location in downtown LA for taking care of my app development, after spending time there and right after getting back home, I was really sleepy and falling asleep while sitting anywhere. I knew yesterday that I still wanted to get things done but the sleepiness just overtook me and that's how my night ended.

I guess there's really nothing I can do about it at that point, but to just push myself to conduct some bedtime hygiene. I could take a shower, brush my teeth, get my vitamins, and do my eccentric, growing-taller technique! I don't really even know if the growing taller method will work on me anymore since I managed to make myself get only half an inch taller, right after my growth period stopped. People say that it's genetics with me being short and don't believe that you could make yourself taller from doing so-called growth exercises. I guess for myself since it's stretching out the body from doing yoga poses then might as well because it will promote better posture for me if I do the routine regularly. Also, I can make myself feel better because I'm doing something healthy about not enjoying my height that much even if it doesn't work out. Just having an inch more will make me feel more confident to approach more single ladies appropriately, so doesn't hurt to try. In the meantime, I will also look to keep on building my personal confidence from working hard for that purpose. 

Besides me being short and feeling like I can't make my hair grow back into what it used to be, I might as well just work hard to be confident and consistent enough at it for happiness. 

Not Trying To Leave Things Out

I guess the mind can be a great place to find comfort and joy. Well, it's like this for me because there are things I can find to laugh about all the time. At the same time though, it sucks to remember stuff that makes me want to cuss at the person. I just don't do that to him or her because it's not my preferred style. It's funny though that I didn't mean to scare most of them by sending long messages that are about me explaining why I think they are out of line. It was my attempt to do that while I was mad and being the nicest I can be. I wrote in stuff I don't recall to take some shots at their character while I was mad, so I could laugh about it. Obviously, almost all of them totally lost it and tried to take it out on me but failed to let it go through. It's because it wasn't that serious and they let themselves get all crazy from being so worked up about it. Now that I'm realizing I got away with it and can be happy while still doing nothing about it, it's time to move on.

It feels nice to be confident and if there's not enough, to go work on it. Well, I have to feel apologetic about the past though with those former friends or acquaintances because I didn't know what I was doing and working on some self-control issues. It's good that I find it to be funny again, but I know where I needed to work on to be nicer with my tone. This experience has helped me a lot for dealing with people relationships and stress with actual problems. Communication with girls is really vital and I find that being close to a few of them and butting heads with one girl, I guess I think she's still cute even though she's too weird for me to be with.

This is stuff that I don't really have to tinker too much over anymore because of what I want to make my priorities with gaining happiness. The experience has been truly valuable and meaningful and I'm grateful that I found a way to turn it around for all the future people I end up butting heads with. I'm capable of expressing myself more accurately with them and getting what I intend out of it. It's all based on having personal confidence and putting a lot of hard work into it. 

Solving Personal Issue

What bothers me is leaving one thing out and then feeling like I missed out on an opportunity. I can be in the process of doing something and then completely forget about it while going for doing another thing. I'm going to probably need a personal system or discipline to keep track of my progress with completing things that are important to me. The most obvious way will be listing them out.

I must have a hard time from being a procrastinator and also about mainly having a fun time so it can get difficult for me to stay focused on a hard task. I need like some type of personal nudge to stay with it and to be accepting of the mild confusion or distress I will be putting myself through. As long as I know it's what I want on the long run, then I can run with it while making the effort. 

Sticking To It

I really like Nike's slogan of Just Do It. Sometimes, a person can go to the gym to work out while not being in the mood for it. It's like once the person gets back into his or her routine, then it can start feeling good again. In a likewise manner, I think focusing is done like this with things that are interesting.

I really want to set my sights on planning for things to do, trying to make a decent living, and developing myself. Focusing on too much entertainment just might not be so appealing to me anymore. It's pretty hard to set out to do what I have in mind sometimes because what keeps me preoccupied is my curiosity and then reading or watching details about it online is probably what keeps me entertained a lot. It's also how doing some things that I planned for just might feel stressful and stale while not being a big thing that's so exciting to be a part of. It does get really easy to make oneself comfortable and keep him or herself entertained, afterwards.

Knowing all of this, I'm destined to fail at some things I really desire to do on a daily basis. I'm just going to have to keep on working at it to keep myself in-line while staying calm and happy.