I seriously need to manage my time a whole lot better and make better sense out of it. I'm losing so much precious time and hours from just sitting there and watching pointless YouTube clips to relax. I guess I feel something underneath me just pushing me while I'm doing activities that I feel are not so satisfying. Yet, it's really just based on this craving for reading things that I'm interested in and it's not doing much for me.
I think I really need to self-monitor myself better and just be aware of my weak state of mind. I have gone out of a terrible mental disease anyway. I'm fortunate and blessed and give credit to the Lord for bringing me out of it. I really should dig more into Scriptures and be patient with it to gain the knowledge I need to live in this world while feeling more guided. I think it's more than that though because I just can't rely so much on my feelings anymore and I just want to only for the sake of being satisfied with having fun.
I get this drive and want to finish stuff that are pointless after getting the craving. This is probably why I'm wasting so much time now that I think of it. I think I just need to be aware of it. I'm not really going to benefit from seeking a therapist or anything because all I'm really doing is just writing about my problems already anyway and from doing this, I'm gaining better awareness of how I am. I guess it's a good thing over all then. I just don't have affirmation from anyone knowledgeable and that is something I'm going to have to work for in obtaining so I'll be a lot more confident with the direction that I am heading.