Just Learning to Get By

I'm not really struggling internally that much anymore. For me, it's more about refraining myself from repeating the indulging of stuff that would be better if I did not associate with them. Wow, my thinking process is pretty much the same just like any other stable guy out there. I pretty much wrote the first two sentence of this post and saved it for a few years. I guess I easily found my way to it again because of the new makeover the designers of Blogspot made.

Seriously, I'm not really in that much worse shape than some people who thought I was worse off than them. Those guys and gals really need some professional help or to really go see a therapist to help them out a bit in what brings them fulfillment and enjoyment- I really understand their aggravated attitude and one-sided behavior; they should really take some time off for a therapy session, and I think it would be good for them. They were telling me that I needed to get some social therapy haha- I'm a writer who can invent all sorts of stuff and implant it in people's heads. Anyway, it turns out they were pretty much mirroring their desires and imprinting it on me. They wanted to be helped out in some way by telling me they wanted to help me. They couldn't let go of something because they told me to drop whatever normal conversations I had with them.

I'm sorry to single them out, but I'm about being honest and very deep in my considerations, and I do live in a free country where revealing the truth is protected by the Bill of Rights. These people are not legally kids anymore, so it's their responsibility to become decent people even if they messed up somewhere in their track of growing up. Hopefully, the people who know them will relay the message to them based on seeing it themselves and that they will be able to see what I'm seeing in these guys and girls. The last time I had contact with them was at Hope of God Church in Los Angeles, California. Just google for the address and check it out- I forget what their service time is but they may be around and ignoring you when you show up on Sundays during lunch, so I guess you can place your body during that time unless you are me and then they are going to get paranoid when they see me. So these people have common names but those common names in other people might actually be good people, so it's like bad and good people all around so no offense to those people with common names with these people I'm singling out.

If they still go there, which I heavily doubt- after I left they left, and before I left they were telling me I was making people leave their church by being offensive. How funny it was because strangers make their own decisions not based upon on how alluring they made religion seem to other people. Talk to the Pastor Chai over there haha and tell him to go get some Christian counseling or Christian therapy session or anything related to Christianity that will help develop his life. Talk to these guys who sound like women sometimes named Golf and Jarred Taing (he has two R's in his name, which I still remember regretfully)- yeah being branded as girly men can take a toll on some guys. A guy named Bao Hoang, yeah he could sure use some help because he apologized about his outburst saying that it like came out of nowhere and had to be said- what if he was in the situation of stabbing someone with a knife and apologizing about that because he couldn't control himself- see what I mean? Be very careful with approaching a lady there who I think is going to be borderline kooky from studying psychology and wanting to be a marriage counselor- she goes by the name Lee or maybe if she changes her name, her legal name starts with Darunee or Thai youngsters might call her "Pee Lee"- I'm serious, saying P means respect and no disrespect in Thai oddly so Pee Freely is a respected person named Freely in Thai. Talk to Annie Tran over there and tell her to get some help to tone down on the crying she did when I was over there- I'm serious whenever she got up to speak she would occasionally burst out in tears and even Pee Lee said that she cried a lot. Well, Betty Lam yeah- she should get some help from me and only me alone so leave her to me. If you go and she's there, then yeah go for it if you want to but I'm claiming my personal aid on her. If you ever see Chris Kuch over there, tell him to stop being a bonehead wherever he goes yeah that will send a perfect message to him of how Texans usually are. One final guy, if you ever see Washington Chun tell him to join the Navy Seals and stay in the military where they will really use him with deadly missions. Yeah, it will be great to see him being rewarded even though the stakes could be high and he could end up dead!  Tell Stephanie, if you ever see her there- she's kind of short because she's shorter than me so that's actually kind of short; tell her to stop listening to boneheaded people when I brand them as such sometimes; tell her that if all this time, if I was placed under so much scrutiny and didn't end up in jail then well I guess I'm not crazy or going to become crazy even if everybody tries to put me through some very tough times or I put myself through it. Also, let her know that I'll be working with crazy people at a mental hospital and know some of those characteristics really well and hopefully, she'll never display any of it with me.

Pretty much, I'm about working long hours and then coming back home to work on some additional things right now. Having a wife is great and well and really fulfilling for me. I think she's pretty understanding because I don't mind helping out and the baby may cry a lot but once she grows up, she'll be taking care of my needs hopefully and when I cry and somebody changes my diaper as an old man, it will be my eldest daughter. She might seriously know by then that I passed on some genes that make some parts pretty big for all the boys. My little sister's first impression of me having a lot of kids was "Yuck." Okay, so I need to work out a little more and have a strong work ethic and then she's not really going to think anything physical about me. Secretly, I wanted a son to be the oldest just in case something happens but with having a boy or girl- I think both can equally provide some lifelong fulfillment as a parent for me.

I no longer feel ashamed about finding any job of convenience for me. I think I had the brains to not go to college at all and pick up on a decent job and then move up into a managerial position by now if I wanted to. Lacking confidence really held me back, but now I see that I really need to hustle and be consistent with anything that I want to get my hands dirty on now. I think I can really trust myself being confident now about the job I want to stick with and also how it will fit into my personality. Even if it ends up being a little different, as long as I'm receiving some type of comfort out of the conveniences I'm undertaking, I don't seem to mind anymore holding the position as long as I can until something better comes up and end up really moving on with some style.