This is just another post

I finally feel like I'm writing to an open space. I have my own personal psychology. I feel so comfortable just writing where everyone has the liberty to see it, if they choose. Maybe, it's bad for me to always go around and advertise that I have a blog. It must have been really horrible for me to test my writing. I basically went through a funk when I sent out a lot of e-mails. I was trying to get a clearer grasp of reality. Things were bothering me, but I was not intending on hurting anyone because of it. I feel that being direct with a purpose, especially long paragraphs that transcend several pages should be sufficient reason for me to vent whatever is needed to that person.

To do it in a literary manner with perfect grammar, nice speech, and average discernment pretty much encompasses my premature style of making myself a struggling writer. I think having nothing to write about it, but the pastime has brought me a lot more bizarre events with overly sensitive people. They have formed like a mob and pretty much ousted me from their party. If I ever show up again, they will pretty much notify the high officials and I get busted with a restraining order. Ouch, those things are really touchy and take a long time to heal from for the other guy who put it on you. For me, I'm just trying to neutralize the situation. Not that easy when the other guy is explaining his situation and you want to sympathize but something inside of you wants to take over and just literally drill him for being so wrong.

Life continues in the direction of the opposite or the positive, I suppose there's nothing good to expect out of everyone sometimes. To be accepting of it is pretty much my ultimate challenge.

I pretty much just want to get a job where I can make my own schedule, not really intrude on other people's lives, and be pretty lucrative in it. I also would like to repent from personal endeavors that are going to harm me on the long run, if another close person I get attached to finds out.

I just need to let life run its course, while listening avidly to what everyone wants me to do. I'm pretty lost with that direction right now, in how everyone says I should be doing something a particular way because they do not understand how I am feeling. I guess I'm a pretty mellow person, and I just need to open up better to give others room to compromise with me. This situation is something that is going to go on for a long time. The more ruts I go through, the less I want to commit suicide so I think I'm not going nuts because I'm just feeling more empowered.

I also want to work out. I want to get everyone back on my Facebook again. I also want to get taller, even though the dream has been fading away. I don't want to be shy anymore and face my problems head on without running away after I try to initiate a negotiation process. I don't want to be worried about getting hurt and then start lambasting by shouting and yelling at the person and then end up feeling like I need the person in my life. I just want to be really cool with everyone in this world. If the person is hard to get along with, then I have no problem negotiating a basic friendship with them. Disagreeing somewhere does not mean you can't live peacably with everyone.