Getting a really nice hug from a female friend who means a lot to me and isn't too old is better than looking at porno for me! I can wait for awhile to get some of that too. I just have to remember that now because what's really killing me is trying to beat my insecurity with being premature. This is what gets me going to edging to porn and it's worked actually but man, it gets boring and I would rather have a wife to enjoy hot sex with. I think this is my way of balancing things out with God's foundation of living laid out in the Bible.
Yeah, I'm writing stuff that feels T.M.I. and it's pretty much anything goes but this is my real me. On top of that, I'm making revelations which is quite interesting.
There are three steps that I realized from just meditating while praying about temptations with God. It just occurred to me naturally and since I haven't forgotten, I'm just going to type it away.
First step is to realize the intended purpose. For example, having like the perfect and most enjoyable sex for recreational fun would be awesome right (?) if everything came together.
Second step is to "be still" until you get an answer that aligns well with God's Word. What do I mean? It means to basically just wait but it sounds better by saying to be still because to God's eyes when you are bored for a few years, I'm sure it means absolutely nothing and you didn't do anything.
Third step is to move into action. I had a vision of people who are mad at their co-workers for not doing anything so yeah, that made me think you should do something about it eventually.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
Thursday, December 14, 2017
Saturday, December 9, 2017
Working Things
Getting into the moment of things, I don't really understand what I'm doing with trading Forex. It looks like in all actuality, it really is a form of gambling and playing like a game of team poker. The strategy is really using tools to come up with enough information to be confident that a market is heading in your direction and then playing to win consistently. It's pretty much fighting team battles of either being a buyer or seller. I think it's exciting to be a part of and I want to be a great player of the market. My style is so laid back and I like being that way without being like a well-known poker player.
I think there's more money to be made in this market and even more unimaginable then I would as a poker player. I'm making the comparison because trading and playing poker for money both have similarities for me to draw conclusions from.
I'm slowly crossing stuff off my to do list and the easy stuff on there has turned out to be time consuming. I made a hard decision to cross one of those easy tasks off, which was buying a snowboarding pass. With all of the money that I have spending, I went overboard than I would have liked and need to settle down with finances. With this time, I can focus on trading more and see if I can make any personal breakthroughs with it.
It's pretty much a new day and my tasks need to be exhausted before I can have fun. I really like having this committed effect from having a list of things to do that I made and to go after it in a daily fashion. It's like everything is laid out for me in a bird's eye view without being so hard on myself. From being distracted with my hormones, I'm aware of it and pushing myself to reward myself from doing the tasks that have been laid out for me. One thing that I have to be really grateful for is that it just isn't about all my life and I actually have God on there who I want to please. Maybe if I had a lot more money and free time, like I was living the privileged life with a high salary from being successful with trading then maybe I would be able to joyfully give back to organizations that I have faith in.
I'm thinking that a certain person I don't want to mention for my own protection is a jerk. I should just treat him as such in the future now and give him a hard time by asking him to add me on Facebook. I'm just going to wing it and be completely honest about it while laughing about the incident and poking fun of the dude's ineptness and what I'm able to draw from it. I'm willing to make the dude look bad and just about everybody else I came across to give a chance to being cool with me but ended up being a jerk-a-holic. Eventually, all in time and if I can't have access those stupid individuals anymore, I'm completely okay with it.
There's one who is pretty much a retarded jerk, so I just ignore and let it go with whatever he wants to say now. I give off this positive energy and it's like I know I'm better than him type of deal. In all of his contradictory feelings and stupid anger, he looks up to me. He wishes me well from the treatment I decided to give upon him.
There's also a friend who is brothers with this retarded jerk who I get annoyed or angered by pretty often, so I just distance myself out from him. It's worked and he's just a phone call away for me to hang out if I ever desire it. I just don't know what else to do with him now and the things he is into isn't really that relational to me that much anymore. I've been quite lucky to have something fun with a hot girl and be great friends with her and to spend time together. We're like family and it feels very meaningful and something to cherish. It's great that she's hot too because I feel like I made a connection with something I wanted from the past already and moving into tomorrow is more comfortable for me.
Friday, December 8, 2017
Making Adjustments
I'm not going to lie but from being single and almost already 35 next year, man, that's a huge number and I'm this little guy with a big heart. I want to really think that way. Thinking about it, I actually feel sorry for the wives of Jarred and Chris at that old and lame Hope of God church. They (intentionally left ambiguous) might be loving and sweet sometimes, but they really have a bad side to them. I'm not really interested in Mina or Judy either. It's like whatever for me, but I'm just talking about them because I feel annoyed with Jarred and Chris and thinking about Jarred and Chris (intentionally revealed) being bad at romance and sex!
I'm basically saying that if you end up finding the right person to fall in love with, everything just falls into place. I'm preaching it and I read this from a slick autobiography about the author spending his time sleeping with prostitutes. He would analyze the woman's body and how their sexual prowess was and all of that which guys are prone to doing. In the end, he fell in love with a prostitute! Out of that humor, there's the conclusion that if you meet the right person for whatever context, it's lining up and happening.
With four kids running around Chris and mentally testing him, I'm coming back to really make him stressed out! If Chris was smart, he would just leave and never come back to the old and lame Hope of God church. I'll tell him that to leave if he doesn't want to add me on Facebook because he's already so stupid anyway and I'll tell that to Jarred the same. Obviously, I'm being random with my truthful statements with feelings but emotions are meant to be contradictory from the start anyway. I'm guessing it's a mark to show that we have sinful natures already.
Jesus was melancholy and weeping at the Garden of Gethsemane. It's holy and he was crying about the Father having to abandon him at the cross to pay the ultimate price for washing away all sins to believers who want it. I guess there's nothing selfish then about wanting a friendship with a stupid and silly person like Chris or Jarred. Jarred, I'm thinking is a lazy putz and like a spoiled brat and gets moody when he's convinced something is so right and not getting his way but I'm glad he's wrong, and he's about to get my physical treatment to remind how he was really wrong and he's of no help. Jarred is going down the drain.
Basically, if Jarred was smart too, he would leave that lame church also and never come back. I need to stay cool and follow the rules. Their rules are twisted and out of proportion. They suck as human beings because they want to be all religious with Christianity! They are limiting their own potential and not seeing the actual truth about Christianity. It's about having freedom with a relationship to God through faith that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Freedom in a relationship via any means is so much different from practicing religion. Chris really sucks and has a distorted view about life, but hey, the human heart is wicked and deceitful already. You can look all nice on the outside but on the inside, it's all chaos!
So what have I been doing besides just masturbating occasionally and feeling great about lasting awhile to porn? I've been feeling like how porn is useless because I'm going on longer each time. It gets boring and it's like this might not even be sex sex anymore with a real girl, if I ever find the right one to marry. Yeah, I'm going to be very sexually active in marriage. Porn isn't helping me to do that because it really tests the conventional standard to begin with. I've been trying to study what creates pleasure in sex but it looks like emotions and taking turns pleasing each other with like an understood language of love is what gets the job done! Looking at porn from a feminist's point of view is wrong too because it's having sex outside of marriage but the emotions and all of it match to what should be in a marriage. In a marriage with all of that good feminist stuff coming straight out of porn and the guy enjoying it like at a sky-rocket pace, then yeah sex is meant to be so fun and it's all for you with the one partner who fell in love with you- your wife. Yeah, it makes all sense and adds up. Masturbating to porno is wrong even though it feels good sometimes. There should be a partnership and communication going on and me having nobody yet, I need to go find her!
It really hurts to have a girl I'm sort of digging having a different perspective of life, so I'm just going okay, friend and I'll hang with her and I'm not convincing her to change. After awhile, she just stays a friend. Sometimes, she shows her romantic interest in me and I'm like, hmmm then.
I'm apologizing to God right now via praying to Jesus that I'm sorry for being so stupid and thank you, for letting me start another day fresh again. I already feel so much better! Amen.
So basically, I'm a total smart aleck and can figuratively tear a huge hole out of nothing on the ground for people to fall into. I like to reach my hand in and forcefully pull them out in an angry fashion and then start lambasting them like a butthead. It's really funny to me now that I think about it and I don't feel bad about it. All I want now is for those people to run far away from me and for me to never see them or just add me on any social media site that I could look at and laugh at them behind their backs.
I ended up setting up some trades and one of them went really well right away. I need to do a rinse and repeat type of method and I'm digging the trading style I'm doing. I'm going to stick to it and trade pretty much volumes without me knowing what I'm doing and just keep working at it a little each day. I don't really mind turning this into a profession for me, and I won't have to deal with the headache of having to clock in at an office from 5 am to 6 pm everyday because that's how it feels with me waking up to drive and coming back home each day.
Oh yeah, lastly I managed to get a small workout in. I need to expand on it and I missed out on reading the Bible from being distracted with my hormones and looking up porno to masturbate to like an idiot. I haven't done it in like a few weeks so yeah, it felt really good! Yet, I think I need to deny myself the pleasure (pun intended) and go after marrying a good girl. It's all of that torture and hard road that I think God is trying to shape me up still with. Yeah, I'm pretty unique and going to probably last for a long time because of my emotions and desires with loving being around people and even those I want to smack around and despise like the lame people at that Hope of God church in Los Angeles.
I'm basically saying that if you end up finding the right person to fall in love with, everything just falls into place. I'm preaching it and I read this from a slick autobiography about the author spending his time sleeping with prostitutes. He would analyze the woman's body and how their sexual prowess was and all of that which guys are prone to doing. In the end, he fell in love with a prostitute! Out of that humor, there's the conclusion that if you meet the right person for whatever context, it's lining up and happening.
With four kids running around Chris and mentally testing him, I'm coming back to really make him stressed out! If Chris was smart, he would just leave and never come back to the old and lame Hope of God church. I'll tell him that to leave if he doesn't want to add me on Facebook because he's already so stupid anyway and I'll tell that to Jarred the same. Obviously, I'm being random with my truthful statements with feelings but emotions are meant to be contradictory from the start anyway. I'm guessing it's a mark to show that we have sinful natures already.
Jesus was melancholy and weeping at the Garden of Gethsemane. It's holy and he was crying about the Father having to abandon him at the cross to pay the ultimate price for washing away all sins to believers who want it. I guess there's nothing selfish then about wanting a friendship with a stupid and silly person like Chris or Jarred. Jarred, I'm thinking is a lazy putz and like a spoiled brat and gets moody when he's convinced something is so right and not getting his way but I'm glad he's wrong, and he's about to get my physical treatment to remind how he was really wrong and he's of no help. Jarred is going down the drain.
Basically, if Jarred was smart too, he would leave that lame church also and never come back. I need to stay cool and follow the rules. Their rules are twisted and out of proportion. They suck as human beings because they want to be all religious with Christianity! They are limiting their own potential and not seeing the actual truth about Christianity. It's about having freedom with a relationship to God through faith that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Freedom in a relationship via any means is so much different from practicing religion. Chris really sucks and has a distorted view about life, but hey, the human heart is wicked and deceitful already. You can look all nice on the outside but on the inside, it's all chaos!
So what have I been doing besides just masturbating occasionally and feeling great about lasting awhile to porn? I've been feeling like how porn is useless because I'm going on longer each time. It gets boring and it's like this might not even be sex sex anymore with a real girl, if I ever find the right one to marry. Yeah, I'm going to be very sexually active in marriage. Porn isn't helping me to do that because it really tests the conventional standard to begin with. I've been trying to study what creates pleasure in sex but it looks like emotions and taking turns pleasing each other with like an understood language of love is what gets the job done! Looking at porn from a feminist's point of view is wrong too because it's having sex outside of marriage but the emotions and all of it match to what should be in a marriage. In a marriage with all of that good feminist stuff coming straight out of porn and the guy enjoying it like at a sky-rocket pace, then yeah sex is meant to be so fun and it's all for you with the one partner who fell in love with you- your wife. Yeah, it makes all sense and adds up. Masturbating to porno is wrong even though it feels good sometimes. There should be a partnership and communication going on and me having nobody yet, I need to go find her!
It really hurts to have a girl I'm sort of digging having a different perspective of life, so I'm just going okay, friend and I'll hang with her and I'm not convincing her to change. After awhile, she just stays a friend. Sometimes, she shows her romantic interest in me and I'm like, hmmm then.
I'm apologizing to God right now via praying to Jesus that I'm sorry for being so stupid and thank you, for letting me start another day fresh again. I already feel so much better! Amen.
So basically, I'm a total smart aleck and can figuratively tear a huge hole out of nothing on the ground for people to fall into. I like to reach my hand in and forcefully pull them out in an angry fashion and then start lambasting them like a butthead. It's really funny to me now that I think about it and I don't feel bad about it. All I want now is for those people to run far away from me and for me to never see them or just add me on any social media site that I could look at and laugh at them behind their backs.
I ended up setting up some trades and one of them went really well right away. I need to do a rinse and repeat type of method and I'm digging the trading style I'm doing. I'm going to stick to it and trade pretty much volumes without me knowing what I'm doing and just keep working at it a little each day. I don't really mind turning this into a profession for me, and I won't have to deal with the headache of having to clock in at an office from 5 am to 6 pm everyday because that's how it feels with me waking up to drive and coming back home each day.
Oh yeah, lastly I managed to get a small workout in. I need to expand on it and I missed out on reading the Bible from being distracted with my hormones and looking up porno to masturbate to like an idiot. I haven't done it in like a few weeks so yeah, it felt really good! Yet, I think I need to deny myself the pleasure (pun intended) and go after marrying a good girl. It's all of that torture and hard road that I think God is trying to shape me up still with. Yeah, I'm pretty unique and going to probably last for a long time because of my emotions and desires with loving being around people and even those I want to smack around and despise like the lame people at that Hope of God church in Los Angeles.
Thursday, December 7, 2017
Update on Life
So I pretty much had a date with a female friend and yeah, it was just the two of us. She broke up with a decent looking, outwardly pleasant, and hardworking guy. The guy was really frustrated about not getting enough attention from her and wanted more out of her. It was too much for her to handle so she cut him off and he's weeping about it and will probably never get over it. She's pretty much a hot tamale and I had a one-on-one time with her at an awesome restaurant. I paid for the meal too because the food only cost $26 dollars for two people and to stuff ourselves. Man, that was a great price and I can spend that much on myself at an all-you-can-eat BBQ place.
I have another date with another friend coming up and I almost completely forgot about that because this friend of mine wanted to do stuff together again. When I think about this friend, I'm like I'm all used to being around hot, Asian girls. It's like a natural occurrence for me already, so I don't care.
It's really crazy how I might actually be really gifted at managing my own relationships with stupid people ( who make me mad) and nice friends. With the stupid people, I want them all to add me on any social media site. I don't care what it is, I'll even create something new to accommodate them. They are stupid and who cares, why would I stalk their profile besides wanting to look at it and say something to make fun of them?
The smart stupid people will basically leave behind other stupid people, so they will never have to face my wraith of making them add me on Facebook. Okay it's whatever.
On to the real topic, I fell asleep after the dinner with pretty much hot friend (she's stressing out about her cute little sister's issues). I don't think people look at us badly and in fact, I think it looks very favorable for me. She's also like my hot wing woman. Heh, I can put to use her social skills as a hot girl. She hates being pursued from just being seen as hot because she really has a sweet side that she would rather focus on.
I ended up trying to do some trades on my computer and then I just knocked out after. I got pretty close to getting up to work out though. I think what ended my night is that the time was around 9 pm and then I just laid down without changing on the bed and boom, lights out with the computer still running...
I actually like this setup of doing trades, working out, and then studying the Bible as my bed time. I'm still working on this but I think I will repeat this intention again tonight.
I have another date with another friend coming up and I almost completely forgot about that because this friend of mine wanted to do stuff together again. When I think about this friend, I'm like I'm all used to being around hot, Asian girls. It's like a natural occurrence for me already, so I don't care.
It's really crazy how I might actually be really gifted at managing my own relationships with stupid people ( who make me mad) and nice friends. With the stupid people, I want them all to add me on any social media site. I don't care what it is, I'll even create something new to accommodate them. They are stupid and who cares, why would I stalk their profile besides wanting to look at it and say something to make fun of them?
The smart stupid people will basically leave behind other stupid people, so they will never have to face my wraith of making them add me on Facebook. Okay it's whatever.
On to the real topic, I fell asleep after the dinner with pretty much hot friend (she's stressing out about her cute little sister's issues). I don't think people look at us badly and in fact, I think it looks very favorable for me. She's also like my hot wing woman. Heh, I can put to use her social skills as a hot girl. She hates being pursued from just being seen as hot because she really has a sweet side that she would rather focus on.
I ended up trying to do some trades on my computer and then I just knocked out after. I got pretty close to getting up to work out though. I think what ended my night is that the time was around 9 pm and then I just laid down without changing on the bed and boom, lights out with the computer still running...
I actually like this setup of doing trades, working out, and then studying the Bible as my bed time. I'm still working on this but I think I will repeat this intention again tonight.
Wednesday, December 6, 2017
Different Methods
I found out that I fall asleep right after reading the Bible last night! This means that for my daily four priorities that I'm trying to complete, I'm going to have to make it three. I'm not trying to get rid of the Bible, so I'll read it last. What I'm going to save for optional than is cooking if I'm still awake.
My plan will be pretty much to work on my trades right after dinner and then go work out. After coming back, I plan on washing up and doing all of that jazz with exfoliating my skin and growing taller stretches. I will then lastly skim through the Bible with my super long and spiritually enriching commentary for three chapters. It's a lot of spending time because this guy's commentary I'm reading just goes off talking about millions of other topics and different verses just to elaborate on one verse. Man, it's a lot of reading so I'm just going to start skimming through it because I plan to finish it every year anyway. I'm going to try to stay awake as much as possible to skim through three chapters every day before I go to sleep. It will be like my bed time story but in a grown-up fashion. I knocked out so hard yesterday after reading the Bible.
Lastly, if I'm still able to miraculously stay awake, I might as well go for cooking and if I'm still awake after that then might as well binge on anime or something after I finish my other left over priorities on the table.
My plan will be pretty much to work on my trades right after dinner and then go work out. After coming back, I plan on washing up and doing all of that jazz with exfoliating my skin and growing taller stretches. I will then lastly skim through the Bible with my super long and spiritually enriching commentary for three chapters. It's a lot of spending time because this guy's commentary I'm reading just goes off talking about millions of other topics and different verses just to elaborate on one verse. Man, it's a lot of reading so I'm just going to start skimming through it because I plan to finish it every year anyway. I'm going to try to stay awake as much as possible to skim through three chapters every day before I go to sleep. It will be like my bed time story but in a grown-up fashion. I knocked out so hard yesterday after reading the Bible.
Lastly, if I'm still able to miraculously stay awake, I might as well go for cooking and if I'm still awake after that then might as well binge on anime or something after I finish my other left over priorities on the table.
Making Adjustments
Last night, I ended up falling asleep at around 8 pm. I woke up at 4:30 am the next day. This isn't that bad considering how I slept so early to get plenty of sleep in! I'm not really feeling tired at all right now.
I think there's seriously something in my mom's food that just makes you sleepy after eating it in the evening. Or it could be just that I'm getting too old to still live with my parents and my body telling me that I'm a loser by just shutting down like that.
I'm perfectly fine with living my parents so far and I'm trying to find a way to break loose by becoming financially successful. I don't want to work for another company. I want to have so much independence and make a lot of money at the same time. I have so many different goals in mind.
It's the same old stuff that I'm dreaming about and having trouble put together on a consistent basis. It doesn't really matter because it's a huge risk to begin with.
I think there's seriously something in my mom's food that just makes you sleepy after eating it in the evening. Or it could be just that I'm getting too old to still live with my parents and my body telling me that I'm a loser by just shutting down like that.
I'm perfectly fine with living my parents so far and I'm trying to find a way to break loose by becoming financially successful. I don't want to work for another company. I want to have so much independence and make a lot of money at the same time. I have so many different goals in mind.
It's the same old stuff that I'm dreaming about and having trouble put together on a consistent basis. It doesn't really matter because it's a huge risk to begin with.
Monday, December 4, 2017
Living Example
I might very well be one of those short people who are dispelling the myth that you can't find a hot girl to marry just from being short. I've found unattractive girls who were interested in me for a serious relationship and oh yeah, I did find a physically attractive girl who said she wanted a relationship with me. She was a Vietnamese girl who was coming onto me and I think she liked how I tried to be courteous to her and made her laugh from trying to do my best. It's so funny and I think she didn't know what I was getting myself into.
I didn't really like her though because she said she keeps on getting sick. I was like is that why she has a really thin body that looks hot? Okay, so I snubbed her and she got mad at me. Good times! I was crazy and bad and felt like I was spiraling downward and it just wasn't going my direction. I felt restless and anxious and worried about everything and that no one could help me. Man, those emotions sucked. I was just about the most insecure person that a nice person could get.
Flash forward 9 years later, I'm really comfortable being around girls. Sometimes I feel a little aggravated being around a hot girl just because she's taller than me! Man, I get moody underneath and it's like my pre-nervousness but I have so much boldness that I seem to forget about it and feel fine after like 30 seconds of clearing my mind of those thoughts.
There's a girl I've gotten to know really well and care for and she's very sweet to people she cares about. On top of that, she's also physically attractive and she enjoys working out and maintaining a lady-like figure. I'm sexually compatible with her and she said she loves me while showing those subtle signs of expressing intimate interests. It's a little alarming to me because she has an inactive boyfriend in her life that she wants to stay in a relationship with. It's funny and I can't take that away because it goes against my morals. She might just stay status quo with this guy. I don't know what to make of it yet, if I were to get in a relationship with her so I'm just cool with staying great friends with her for the rest of my life! It's basically what we have is something really special already and that it doesn't matter if stuff happens in life like she finally finds courage to marry this guy she jokes about sarcastically. I mean I'm going to find humor in the situation and be cool with whatever in the end because I figure when the right girl comes along with the right timing and all the stars aligning even if it never happens because I suck, I'm going to have a lot of sex in marriage with a crazy hot girl!
I didn't really like her though because she said she keeps on getting sick. I was like is that why she has a really thin body that looks hot? Okay, so I snubbed her and she got mad at me. Good times! I was crazy and bad and felt like I was spiraling downward and it just wasn't going my direction. I felt restless and anxious and worried about everything and that no one could help me. Man, those emotions sucked. I was just about the most insecure person that a nice person could get.
Flash forward 9 years later, I'm really comfortable being around girls. Sometimes I feel a little aggravated being around a hot girl just because she's taller than me! Man, I get moody underneath and it's like my pre-nervousness but I have so much boldness that I seem to forget about it and feel fine after like 30 seconds of clearing my mind of those thoughts.
There's a girl I've gotten to know really well and care for and she's very sweet to people she cares about. On top of that, she's also physically attractive and she enjoys working out and maintaining a lady-like figure. I'm sexually compatible with her and she said she loves me while showing those subtle signs of expressing intimate interests. It's a little alarming to me because she has an inactive boyfriend in her life that she wants to stay in a relationship with. It's funny and I can't take that away because it goes against my morals. She might just stay status quo with this guy. I don't know what to make of it yet, if I were to get in a relationship with her so I'm just cool with staying great friends with her for the rest of my life! It's basically what we have is something really special already and that it doesn't matter if stuff happens in life like she finally finds courage to marry this guy she jokes about sarcastically. I mean I'm going to find humor in the situation and be cool with whatever in the end because I figure when the right girl comes along with the right timing and all the stars aligning even if it never happens because I suck, I'm going to have a lot of sex in marriage with a crazy hot girl!
Limited Success
Well, after posting my to do list on Saturday. I survived in living in that manner. However, on Sunday I already failed to live up to it competently!
I'm surprised how I attempted everything that sucked on my list and even got most of those items off my list though. I did those dreadful growing taller stretches because it's designed for decompressing the spine and in hopes of adding little fluids to gain micro inches. I don't think people care about being 1 mm taller which is .0393 inches. Hey it works and I gained a 1/2 inch- from 5' 2.5 I became 5' 3 and was well passed my growing stage at age 27. I had nothing else going for me, so I was like let's try to gain some inches which I failed at doing.
Yeah, I'm short and tall red necks have told me that especially the guys. One Asian dude who was a jerk told me that I'm so short and that his girlfriend was shorter than me and so it doesn't matter in the end, while laughing at me! I even think about how my shots are going to get blocked all the time while playing basketball.
Anyhow, I'm a scary short dude because I held back statements while I was mad and approached people I was mad at. I told them I wanted something from them and just stayed quiet while continuing to talk and trying to push the envelope in the most subtle manner possible. I was so mad underneath that I was saying stuff to try to be nice, but it made the people I talked to even more mad at me and then they started saying I was scary to people they were discussing to about me behind my back. I don't really care though because all I have to do is just approach them and start talking with full-on honesty and then they look dumb. It's really that simple!
I'm surprised how I attempted everything that sucked on my list and even got most of those items off my list though. I did those dreadful growing taller stretches because it's designed for decompressing the spine and in hopes of adding little fluids to gain micro inches. I don't think people care about being 1 mm taller which is .0393 inches. Hey it works and I gained a 1/2 inch- from 5' 2.5 I became 5' 3 and was well passed my growing stage at age 27. I had nothing else going for me, so I was like let's try to gain some inches which I failed at doing.
Yeah, I'm short and tall red necks have told me that especially the guys. One Asian dude who was a jerk told me that I'm so short and that his girlfriend was shorter than me and so it doesn't matter in the end, while laughing at me! I even think about how my shots are going to get blocked all the time while playing basketball.
Anyhow, I'm a scary short dude because I held back statements while I was mad and approached people I was mad at. I told them I wanted something from them and just stayed quiet while continuing to talk and trying to push the envelope in the most subtle manner possible. I was so mad underneath that I was saying stuff to try to be nice, but it made the people I talked to even more mad at me and then they started saying I was scary to people they were discussing to about me behind my back. I don't really care though because all I have to do is just approach them and start talking with full-on honesty and then they look dumb. It's really that simple!
Saturday, December 2, 2017
Do List
I read a book written by the controversial founder of Scientology L. Ron Hubbard. The book I read was about reaching goals and targeting them. It made a lot of practical sense and brought to light some things that I want to use in my own practice. I don't really care if it's practicing Scientology because like a selfish person I am, I will take something that works else where and stick to my personal beliefs in Christianity!
Anyway, I did a Wikipedia search on Mr. Hubbard and he came across as a total jerk during the later half of his life, which was when he started Scientology. I'm not endorsing that religion and think it didn't help close in and bring ultimate peace and satisfaction within his own soul. He still stayed human while physically abusing his girlfriends and cheating on them!
Well, with him having been a prolific writer and having made money doing it and also being crowned by Guinness Book of World Records as the most published author thanks to his movement, I felt it would be interesting to read up on his view with reaching goals and surprisingly, it had nothing to do with religion. He also has views on how people function, communicate, and understand each other. With this guy who found a religion and was pretty successful at influencing others, I figure why not read up on this so-called technology he discovered and wanted to share with the world for some money. I guess if he wanted to stay rich with his $600 million assets that he would go on to make, then he would want to speak some truths in his books.
What threw me off a little and made me laugh was that with all the Asian cultures he studied, he really dissed them in his diary with racial slurs. Okay so maybe I gave him a little too much credit with his character and bought those books he wrote on communication. It seems to have some brainwashing techniques on there and I don't know why I bought into it. Probably because my friend was like buy it and I was thinking this guy with his interest in humanity, would want to leave something for us to pick up on.
Anyhow, I loved that book he wrote up on targets and goals. It's really good despite me not at all aligning with the Scientology philosophy. So here's my basic do list and I will be trying to get more detailed using that Admin scale technique Hubbard wrote up on.
My strategy so far is do the easy ones first and get the priorities out of the way for the day. The daily is something that I'm doing everyday. The ones that suck are the ones that I struggle with and know I need to do. The things with time is the one I will do if I'm in the mood for them. The rewards are the ones I will indulge myself in after completing at least the easy, priorities, daily sections, and having attempted to do all the things that suck for me. This is practicing by theory of course, so a lot of my thinking has been like that's my reward today!
DO LIST
-easy-
hair appointment
buy gopro
buy garmin watch
buy season pass snowboarding
buy beach body workout dance dvd
buy car cover cleaner
cooking ingredients, cook books, recipes
prepare clothes
organize
sleep
mail
laundry
-sucks-
dentist appt
AAA insurance
car recall fix
car radio, cd stuck
grow taller / spray
work
-priority-
trade / Bible study
gym time switch off with climbing, upper body to lower body switch, basketball, run, swim, weights, routine
cook
DAILY
face wash
teeth
herbalife supplement take restore
blog
texting people
fantasy football
delete e-mails
TIME
trading videos
spiritual books
writing tablet app
recording mic / software
photo print, edit
buy gimbal support
app programming idea
find hot girlfriend to marry and she's into sex
planning books
REWARD
oc ice skating (Floyd)
guitar
piano
poker
tv
friends, scheduling or attending events
games
skateboard
sexual interests (?)
surf internet
FUTURE
car oil change, wash car, gas
hair apt
pay CC bills
Friday, December 1, 2017
Managing Time
Well yesterday it felt like I was going off into junk food mode in a spiritual manner. I did manage to read the Bible and tried to stay up for it. How I did that was I kept myself occupied with playing online poker and whenever I sat out of a hand I would study a verse. It managed to keep me up longer than I expected with my sleepiness.
Afterwards, I just went off surfing the Internet while being in a weird mood. I guess after having been through that it's like I know what I want that I'm seeking after but at the moment, I'm going about it all wrong. Then, it's forgive me God and time lost for my consequences. I could do so much better.
I think giving into some of my cravings is like eating and satisfying myself with junk food. In moderation and having the right spiritual context, I'm sure it would be all good, but it isn't really aligned with the Lord's ways right now for me.
It looks like as weird as it feels, I'm going to need to deny myself those time-consuming acts and go for having them fulfilled in the most pure and satisfying context. Basically, my level of patience isn't that good while having a decent head on my shoulders, which allows me to just phase out while being sucked into something that eats up my time!
I pretty much have a basic routine that I would love to follow through with on a daily basis. On top of that everything else would pretty much be my extra-curricular activities. I'm glad that I'm happy with what I'm putting on here isn't really revealing everything, but I've said much to myself already and satisfied.
I guess everything just adds up in the end by just pursuing after something. I'm a little mad thinking about Jarred at that old and lame Hope of God Church in LA. He was like things don't add up to me and basically saying to quit it. What a moron! I would really show him up these days. I don't really care though about having this moodiness with him because I still want him to be my Facebook friend even while I'm going through this personal episode of being mad at him from time to time.
Afterwards, I just went off surfing the Internet while being in a weird mood. I guess after having been through that it's like I know what I want that I'm seeking after but at the moment, I'm going about it all wrong. Then, it's forgive me God and time lost for my consequences. I could do so much better.
I think giving into some of my cravings is like eating and satisfying myself with junk food. In moderation and having the right spiritual context, I'm sure it would be all good, but it isn't really aligned with the Lord's ways right now for me.
It looks like as weird as it feels, I'm going to need to deny myself those time-consuming acts and go for having them fulfilled in the most pure and satisfying context. Basically, my level of patience isn't that good while having a decent head on my shoulders, which allows me to just phase out while being sucked into something that eats up my time!
I pretty much have a basic routine that I would love to follow through with on a daily basis. On top of that everything else would pretty much be my extra-curricular activities. I'm glad that I'm happy with what I'm putting on here isn't really revealing everything, but I've said much to myself already and satisfied.
I guess everything just adds up in the end by just pursuing after something. I'm a little mad thinking about Jarred at that old and lame Hope of God Church in LA. He was like things don't add up to me and basically saying to quit it. What a moron! I would really show him up these days. I don't really care though about having this moodiness with him because I still want him to be my Facebook friend even while I'm going through this personal episode of being mad at him from time to time.
Thursday, November 30, 2017
And I'm Finished!
Okay, so from yesterday, I ended up playing poker and doing some trades. I can see that I have a lot of work to do with honing my trading style. It's not a walk in the park and anyone who wants to listen to me is going to have the hardest time in the world, if I do end up making money with this strategy. Therefore, I'm not going to discuss it.
With the poker, I think I should put that hold and make two other things my priority. With time being a factor because I just get plain tired and knock out, I guess I can make some time for friends every once in awhile. In addition to that, it would be nice to read the Bible nightly and also work out. Trading is cool and lastly I just want to start cooking. This is pretty much how I'm going to go about my busy business.
With the poker, I think I should put that hold and make two other things my priority. With time being a factor because I just get plain tired and knock out, I guess I can make some time for friends every once in awhile. In addition to that, it would be nice to read the Bible nightly and also work out. Trading is cool and lastly I just want to start cooking. This is pretty much how I'm going to go about my busy business.
Just Having A Laugh
Basically, I really don't care what that person is going through and for giving the most stupid advice in the world! I followed and sunk lower than a blown-up ship in the bottom of the sea. It was stupid to follow that person's advice because I didn't know what I was doing. I was like any advice would be better as long as it doesn't involve me doing any crimes against another person and hurting myself.
Well the advice I took was stupid because it didn't make me happy. I guess that's my reason for calling those people who can't add me on Facebook still to this day stupid.
Well the advice I took was stupid because it didn't make me happy. I guess that's my reason for calling those people who can't add me on Facebook still to this day stupid.
Projected Bickering
I'm predicting that it's going to be really stupid to bring up a person not adding me on Facebook in person. I'm probably going to do it only because I'm so mad about it. I don't care that I am mad about it and will make fun of that person to add me on Facebook and everybody else who wants to back up that person and say it's that person's fault. So yeah, I would say for everybody else to stay out of my way or encourage that person to add me on Facebook.
Moving Forward
It's not really a big deal, but I get that I suck at my work except when it comes down to programming a computer. I'm actually not that bad at it and it seems like I'm the only one at my company who can actually code!
Yeah well, computer science was my major and I put a lot of time into learning how to program while I suffered with a learning disability. I basically had one only because I was bored with studying in general and played video games all day long while in school. It was when it turned like 8 pm on the night before it was due that I felt bad about not doing my programming assignments and where I learned to make shortcuts to create programs that work. It was very stressful to do everything last minute, but to make it work though and all on my own without cheating and in that short span of time, yeah I guess I'm meant to make my living as a programmer then.
Yeah well, computer science was my major and I put a lot of time into learning how to program while I suffered with a learning disability. I basically had one only because I was bored with studying in general and played video games all day long while in school. It was when it turned like 8 pm on the night before it was due that I felt bad about not doing my programming assignments and where I learned to make shortcuts to create programs that work. It was very stressful to do everything last minute, but to make it work though and all on my own without cheating and in that short span of time, yeah I guess I'm meant to make my living as a programmer then.
Catch Up Post
A
big
cat-like,
dirty
Englishman
formed
good,
hungry,
interesting,
jocular,
and I give up...
big
cat-like,
dirty
Englishman
formed
good,
hungry,
interesting,
jocular,
and I give up...
Wednesday, November 29, 2017
Feeling Liberated
These days I'm more or less understanding my anger with the hopeless Hope of God church in LA. Just because they wear T-shirts to show their unity doesn't mean that they are one with each other inside their own hearts. Just because they look happy doesn't mean that they are all dainty and nice inside like some people think they are. They are just people who also happen to suck! It's just my opinion that I want to personally laugh about and invite others to laugh along with me.
Yeah, like how some crazy girls felt liberated from taking off their clothes to pose in a manner for a magazine that attracts stupid men who think about sex, I feel liberated from writing while being my open ended self. I have some sort of self-discipline while taking care with wanting to be nice. I lose it easily though from being offended when others raise their voices at me. Actually, now that I think about it. It's actually funny to be yelled at by a person who lost it. I'm mad because I want to get along and they are making it so hard for me!
I guess I should show off my raw emotions of anger that is all about being friends on Facebook literally! It's silly and funny and not that big of a deal for me. The other person is just stupid while being mad. I've had so much time to take care of the situation and think hard about what is driving me insane. I was diagnosed with bipolar at one point from being borderline schizophrenic. Actually, it got really close because the people's voices in my head were like closing in on making me think they were real. I was even having conversations with them of basically saying, "Shut up!" with every sentence in my head.
Yeah, from having that tough time I got out of it from finding my miracle pill. I think I took risperadal and know for sure that I took prozac. What I hated about prozac in the past then might actually be useful for a decent sex life now that I think about it. I don't remember actually. I just recall episodes that lasted for a whole day and man it was treacherous. To get out of it, man what a relief and so happy and give thanks to God! That's why I believe in and will refuse to let go of Jesus no matter what. Even if Muslim terrorists want to chop off my head, I'm saying that Allah sucks and Jesus rocks. I'll be like YEAHHHH!!! I'll try to make them laugh though and feel bad about chopping my head off. Best I could do for everybody else after me.
It's been almost 18 years already. I've recovered from bipolar/schizophrenia in just three months of that period long time ago thanks to the medication and wonderful talk therapy. I asked my psychiatrist, "How do you talk?" in those sessions and he would just start laughing and stay quiet with me. I even recently made the stupid people who decided to get mad and hate on me at that hopeless "Hope of God" look stupid. It's so funny that they can't add me again on Facebook after having deleted me and that's what I'm still mad about after all these years. Yeah they are uptight and paranoid and self-centered to the point that I don't care about it because what I want isn't that big of a deal to begin with, so anyone who does that will look dumb if I approach it from this angle.
Yeah, like how some crazy girls felt liberated from taking off their clothes to pose in a manner for a magazine that attracts stupid men who think about sex, I feel liberated from writing while being my open ended self. I have some sort of self-discipline while taking care with wanting to be nice. I lose it easily though from being offended when others raise their voices at me. Actually, now that I think about it. It's actually funny to be yelled at by a person who lost it. I'm mad because I want to get along and they are making it so hard for me!
I guess I should show off my raw emotions of anger that is all about being friends on Facebook literally! It's silly and funny and not that big of a deal for me. The other person is just stupid while being mad. I've had so much time to take care of the situation and think hard about what is driving me insane. I was diagnosed with bipolar at one point from being borderline schizophrenic. Actually, it got really close because the people's voices in my head were like closing in on making me think they were real. I was even having conversations with them of basically saying, "Shut up!" with every sentence in my head.
Yeah, from having that tough time I got out of it from finding my miracle pill. I think I took risperadal and know for sure that I took prozac. What I hated about prozac in the past then might actually be useful for a decent sex life now that I think about it. I don't remember actually. I just recall episodes that lasted for a whole day and man it was treacherous. To get out of it, man what a relief and so happy and give thanks to God! That's why I believe in and will refuse to let go of Jesus no matter what. Even if Muslim terrorists want to chop off my head, I'm saying that Allah sucks and Jesus rocks. I'll be like YEAHHHH!!! I'll try to make them laugh though and feel bad about chopping my head off. Best I could do for everybody else after me.
It's been almost 18 years already. I've recovered from bipolar/schizophrenia in just three months of that period long time ago thanks to the medication and wonderful talk therapy. I asked my psychiatrist, "How do you talk?" in those sessions and he would just start laughing and stay quiet with me. I even recently made the stupid people who decided to get mad and hate on me at that hopeless "Hope of God" look stupid. It's so funny that they can't add me again on Facebook after having deleted me and that's what I'm still mad about after all these years. Yeah they are uptight and paranoid and self-centered to the point that I don't care about it because what I want isn't that big of a deal to begin with, so anyone who does that will look dumb if I approach it from this angle.
Being Single
Honestly, I don't think it matters in the end with life whether a person gets married or not and has kids. I personally believe marriage should come from finding the right person. What I mean by right is that the person also thinks you are the right person too and this is while from just being yourself. From finding that this girl I've been hanging with has some annoying stuff about her and she's basically hot stuff, I guess this is my conclusion that I just don't care about wanting some action right away with a gorgeous woman with a physically attractive looking body.
I think having sex in marriage with the right person would seriously mean a very deep and intimate connection and something that could like last for ages if no one had to get out of bed! Just being pretty isn't enough for me now. I really do like a woman who is genuinely nice! I also can't stand dating a chubby girl who complains about things and accepts her situation without showing that much interest with changing it. I went out with a chubby girl and she was taller than me and white and didn't care that I was short. I was an Asian and super hot guy to her I guess. She was limping all over the place with an injury and it just annoyed me. It also annoyed me that she was nagging with her cute voice about how her roommate sucks. It also annoyed me to hear her talk about her past sex life while still being chubby. I was like okay no way!
She's a really smart lady though and very energetic about my Asian culture. This is a positive about her, but overall, I can't really stand it with the thought of dating her so I didn't return her calls or messages to me. I don't really count it as an actual date and go about feeling lonely like I never found anybody to date. My friend was basically saying about her, only "She's fat."
I showed my friend a picture of the hot friend I'm great friends with and he was like going "hubba hubba" for her and was saying that he would do everything he can to try to have a chance with her. I basically shot him down because it's the truth and he just didn't care that much and would probably still try if I ever introduced her to him. I'll think about it though because he's never been on an actual date with anybody. I've been on some and that's because I had some guts to accept the depression that comes from being turned down. I'm of course over that stage and don't care if a girl doesn't like me for a relationship. I can even stay friends with her. I value friendships with beautiful and smart ladies so much!
I think having sex in marriage with the right person would seriously mean a very deep and intimate connection and something that could like last for ages if no one had to get out of bed! Just being pretty isn't enough for me now. I really do like a woman who is genuinely nice! I also can't stand dating a chubby girl who complains about things and accepts her situation without showing that much interest with changing it. I went out with a chubby girl and she was taller than me and white and didn't care that I was short. I was an Asian and super hot guy to her I guess. She was limping all over the place with an injury and it just annoyed me. It also annoyed me that she was nagging with her cute voice about how her roommate sucks. It also annoyed me to hear her talk about her past sex life while still being chubby. I was like okay no way!
She's a really smart lady though and very energetic about my Asian culture. This is a positive about her, but overall, I can't really stand it with the thought of dating her so I didn't return her calls or messages to me. I don't really count it as an actual date and go about feeling lonely like I never found anybody to date. My friend was basically saying about her, only "She's fat."
I showed my friend a picture of the hot friend I'm great friends with and he was like going "hubba hubba" for her and was saying that he would do everything he can to try to have a chance with her. I basically shot him down because it's the truth and he just didn't care that much and would probably still try if I ever introduced her to him. I'll think about it though because he's never been on an actual date with anybody. I've been on some and that's because I had some guts to accept the depression that comes from being turned down. I'm of course over that stage and don't care if a girl doesn't like me for a relationship. I can even stay friends with her. I value friendships with beautiful and smart ladies so much!
So Excited
I'm really excited with the tools I found for trading Forex and its usefulness in applying the strategy. It works for me and is just complicated for me to teach anybody. Why bother telling what it is because it's a competition out there? I'd rather keep my mouth shut about making income as a swing trader.
On top of this, I can really see myself being successful at this line of work. I can even see myself pulling in around $100,000 per year playing online poker now and it won't be gambling with a whole amount of money either. I guess betting around $800 for about ten hours a week isn't that much for me. Yeah, it's enough to make the six figures from doing my math and checking out the competition. What's setting me up is that I just plain don't care with losing that much now. I have a decent job to be able to pull this type of income and I do want to have my independence while working a lot less.
I'll even be trying to legally cut taxes by like putting expenses into different savings and charities to do tax write offs. If I could work with a great accountant then that would be great. I even heard that a lot of tax benefits go into declaring yourself as a corporation and all the losses that go from trading currencies or stocks can be counted as a tax write-off with the income tax. This is awesome knowledge to go after doing while going off on my own to do my thing.
On top of this, I can really see myself being successful at this line of work. I can even see myself pulling in around $100,000 per year playing online poker now and it won't be gambling with a whole amount of money either. I guess betting around $800 for about ten hours a week isn't that much for me. Yeah, it's enough to make the six figures from doing my math and checking out the competition. What's setting me up is that I just plain don't care with losing that much now. I have a decent job to be able to pull this type of income and I do want to have my independence while working a lot less.
I'll even be trying to legally cut taxes by like putting expenses into different savings and charities to do tax write offs. If I could work with a great accountant then that would be great. I even heard that a lot of tax benefits go into declaring yourself as a corporation and all the losses that go from trading currencies or stocks can be counted as a tax write-off with the income tax. This is awesome knowledge to go after doing while going off on my own to do my thing.
Uh Oh
I've been so busy at work and then just tired after dinner. It's still the same old gradually shutting down while feeling disoriented and really tired. My mind is like saying get up and go work out and then there's a whole bunch of other stuff in my mind. Then, I just surf the web and do something random. Well, I guess that's how it is for me so far.
Thursday, November 23, 2017
Importance of Right Timing
This is something that I fail to constantly live up to and that's acknowledging how porn won't ever be the perfect substitute for sex and leave me staying as a virgin. I'm not paying for sex that I could get for free in a great marriage! I have a firm belief to meet the right person and marry before having sex. Even with how good I know it would feel and wanting to have fun like that with a fun woman who I'm married to already but not yet, I guess I'm just going to take the punches that life throws at me.
I just don't care anymore with being friends to girls who I happen to like and are already in relationships that seem like they aren't heading to engagement anytime soon. I just don't really care anymore from a personal view but I do have so many butts. It's no good in my opinion if they have been sexually active without being married, but I'm not one to criticize people for a common sin. I mean I still love them as people and great friends, so just having that feels great for me.
I just don't care anymore with being friends to girls who I happen to like and are already in relationships that seem like they aren't heading to engagement anytime soon. I just don't really care anymore from a personal view but I do have so many butts. It's no good in my opinion if they have been sexually active without being married, but I'm not one to criticize people for a common sin. I mean I still love them as people and great friends, so just having that feels great for me.
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