Becoming Healed To Go Back To Working

It seems like the environment has started heating up a bit, and I thought I was getting used to the cold already. Oh well, it looks like it's not really going to change my preferences with how I like to exercise outdoors. I have a job offer coming my way which really will encompass what I trained myself for. My ultimate goal for a career is to become a game programmer now; my parents are actually okay with it because I went to school to practically learn to be able to do anything on a computer.

I'm pretty much a big computer enthusiast that I could just take endless courses on anything dealing with computers and keep up with it- including all of the business and technical sides to it. Since I've finally understood which part I would be most happy for earning a living, I might as well go that direction now. At first, I lost some confidence in myself because I just couldn't keep track of time and my commitments; despite this heavy interest I have with computers. I guess my giving side wants to take over from time to time too and also get a little occupied with having some fun companionship.

In the back of my head, I've always felt like how I've wanted to be out there with a good, stable income that comes from being happy about what I'm doing. Running a personal business on the side is actually helping me to manage profits and develop better tools to conduct it better, along with gaining some discipline. The only thing I would feel like I have to sacrifice the greatest to work at a company is the amount of time I have to work out whenever I want to. I'm also seeing that my mind isn't so occupied on entertaining myself anymore- like, I don't really need to see any amount of television when I'm having fun reading up on Yahoo! News and Wikipedia articles already. I guess to take care of the lack of workout schedule for myself, I would just need to get a gym membership if it's going to be too dark to run around a park. Actually, inviting some friends over for tennis and basketball during the weekends could be a fun idea. I think there are a lot of ways to getting around with lack of cash and plenty of gas your buddies and yourself can muster up.

Get To Come To The Rescue

I have to admit that one of my weaknesses is having a minor fit with people who give off a selfish impression to me. I now understand what my mother was going through the whole time. I remember how I argued with her and called her not a perfect parent and stuff like that- hey, I was trying to be honest. Putting all of that aside, it's a good thing I paid attention to my mom's medical history. I could seriously be a gentlemen to my mom right now and don't really have to horse around with her from being mad at thinking how lazy or selfish it feels.

The reason is that my mom worked a hard thirty years on a job that she didn't really like and her body just gave out all of a sudden. At her middle age stage, the doctor said that her arthritis level is comparable to an eighty year old and also her arm strength and bone density isn't really that good. My mom was pretty much banging on the keyboard for a long time and it must have put very detrimental effects on her wrists. Also, it looks like these long hours coupled with really losing it from stressing out to put food on the table and get out of debt just wasn't really healthy for her body. My mom really dedicated herself all those long years, and I sometimes couldn't come to reason and understand it. I now do, and it comes from actually paying attention to my own mother. Everything she says, I can hear what she's trying to tell me- I sometimes don't want to be a good boy to her standards but I now get the gist of what she's telling me.

I don't want to argue with my mom anymore with her situation- I understand how much pain her body is going through because of the economic hardship our family went through. I'm at a level right now where I could bring in a lot of financial support now. While I'm at my parent's house, I really want to serve them well. I'm going to clean the house, do the dishes, and even try to cook haha while I'm bringing in some good money to help them pay off their house and my own student loans. I really want to give back everything I can to my parents for providing me with a home and environment to grow in. I don't care if it wasn't perfect because I want to show my parents love now. I'm not going to argue with my mom anymore and do my best to support her now.

Trying To Stick To Plan

Okay, today I'm going to need to focus a little more right now. I would like to center my mind a little bit more on disciplining myself so that I could have a proper mindset to work on something that I want to do. It's really challenging for me because it's very easy for me to let my mind get carried away and do other stuff. There has to be a pretty cool routine for myself that will help pay the bills and give me liberty to try a lot of different things.

I seriously think I have found it and that I should be getting on to it right now. To me, work isn't really a place for socializing but for helping a company bring in profit. I believe that the social life is outside of work and there are many ways to get involved with doing something after work. Some people seem to have it together that it allows them to work pretty much all the time and do only that- I'm definitely not that type of person.

I guess this is pretty much going to be my rough schedule. When I wake up, I'm pretty much going to do some working out like hiking or maybe even jogging while doing some stretches to try to make myself taller haha. I'm still a believer that I can grow a few more inches haha. Then I pretty much wash up and put on Rogaine haha to fight my bald spot. I feel a lot more energy after exercising outdoors and would highly recommend it to anybody. Okay, so my routine right now is to do some programming so I could use those tools I develop and improve to conduct my risky trading business which is lots of fun for me. I have seriously heard about some people losing big in the currency market, and the majority of them are just regular people trying it out. In fact 95% of all traders end up losing their whole account. With no discipline, that's what will happen to anyone. I'm pretty much trying to increase my chances and minimize my risks with this trading system I've been working on daily. No success is guaranteed unless you take action, so I'm assuming all the risks and rewards. So far, I'm in the black thanks to the resources I've found which is accessible to anybody. I'm not so much high authority on this market and won't do well when pressured by somebody to work for them. However, I've been making some income so far and hope to keep it going.

Making A Responsible Decision

It's a little hard about this whole decision making process for me still haha. I guess I just put a little feeling into it also and must be like part of my embedded instincts or something from my upbringing that causes me to make a choice. One of my biggest dislikes is feeling like I'm just stuck at something and with nowhere else to go. It was during these times that my mind would just wander off and imagine about doing something else. Shortly after, I would end up leaving the job or something would happen. I guess next time before an employer considers firing me then I should just give a resignation notice, noting that the job wasn't really for me when I get those types of daydreaming sequences happening.

It makes a lot of sense now for me with what I'm trying to do. At least I found something that I really like doing and know how to interact with people who are overreacting with me now. Since I found something that I want to be engaged in, now I just need to commit to it. I have some sharp experiences in dealing with stuff that I didn't really want to be a part of- still, I thought it was because I was just stressing myself out, so I would end up giving up a lot more into it and possibly contributing to a more miserable outlook haha.

I'm glad I learned a lot, despite feeling like I failed so many times. Let's say I end up going cold broke with no family to look after and have a piling heap of debt from having been an idiot with those business ventures. I need to remind myself of the passions that make me want to earn a living and then secondly find a way to rebuild myself on that career dream path. At the same time, I would like to just have a normal life so it's about time for me to look at the big picture of settling down. I believe that I'm about second class when it comes to being a desirable person haha. I guess I'm going to have to always be on the lookout at seeing the heart of the matter and going in for the good stuff haha.

Turning It Around

Life isn't really that easy, and it's pretty cool that people still manage to get it together. In a way, those types of stories are really inspirational for me and great with helping to motivate me to want to succeed in a very hard world. Right now it's really hard for me because it feels like I always want to be in play mode with something and how I would not mind doing it for a living on something really fun and cool. In that case, it really would feel like all the hard work I'm putting into it isn't really work at all, but something I immerse myself into for having fun.

Then, there really wouldn't be any problem in me letting it go for the day and doing other stuff like helping out family and friends to avoid myself from being called a jerk by the public and making so much money haha. No, I would help because I think it's also fun to help out like helping friends move to another home and fixing up their houses. Even if I was a bit tired, I think I still have the energy to want to do it a little unless it really cuts in to my work then I guess I would have to stay behind a little.

Actually, what motivates one of my friends to get himself tired is the thought of hanging out with girls haha. Yeah, I think he's in a pickle because he seems to love and hate girls at the same time. The fear of having a baby is so great for him and so it looks like he's been fooling himself to stay away from girls he's attracted to; also, he's not that forgiving of a person if someone cheated in the past, and the thought of how omnipotent an STD is for him crazy too. Man, I don't know if he's ever going to settle down even when a door opens up for him. He has these moments of saying how he wants a girlfriend but just can't seem to break the ice. Hmm, it's like trouble in paradise and I wonder what's going to happen if all those worries go away one day.

Oh well, anyhow I'm starting to realize that maybe life is how you really make of it. If some people don't really work hard for it and they get lucky, then I guess some people get mad about that haha and start calling up charities to list their names as potential donors- no, I don't know for sure just trying to joke around a little. I'm really glad that I found my niche, and how I wish to work on it everyday now. I'm forced to take breaks because the market closes for 48 hours straight before reopening again. I guess in a way it's a really good thing for pacing the participants. I feel like I've joined an exciting world and ready to see how big the chapters become in my life now.  

Setting Mind Discipline

I'm having a pretty hard time staying focused on something. I mean if I really push myself, then I could complete a task for school or something if I took a class on it. It's just that my mind just wanders off from not being that strong. I must have adopted some type of normal thing where I just want to relax and let go of some responsibilities for a little bit before I get back into it. I guess I had these crazy emotions that were always a part of me that didn't want to believe in myself. It was really hard to keep a routine going because of me relying on those up and down emotions which was short-sighted for me.

Now that I've become conscious of those emotions, I'm realizing that spending hours on doing something that I'm sort of interested in is getting a lot easier for me. I'm realizing that whichever path I take right now, I'm still going to be behind schedule, so wherever I end up, I should really work hard so that I can play catch up very well. Struggling to do business is very tough for me because I don't really like selling and placing a fair value on some goods to make a living. Regardless of what my options are, I believe that 99% of companies in existence today are about meeting some demands to employers or clients and earning a living off of it. I still haven't really been able to settle down with a personal expectation, so that's why I've struggled all this long in maintaining the right position for me.

Actually, there really is something for me like I've mentioned before that I want to make a living off of and wouldn't get tired with. This is coming from wanting to be a charitable person like becoming a certified doctor and working as a volunteer at impoverished countries haha. The reason why I can't go in to be a doctor right now is because I don't want to be paid by insurance companies or patients to aid in relieving health issues. I sort of want to study so I could keep myself healthy and also help others out, if they care to listen to what I could find out about it haha. So having a slow brain and struggling to just become a licensed doctor at the age of 60 for the sake of just operating on people for free to fulfill a personal dream would be such a crazy thing going on with my life. The only way I can start doing these charitable stuff is to have a comfortable income source. Right now, I'm stuck with a student loan which I want to get rid of, so I'm really forcing myself to work hard at finding this comfortable money that I could keep building with little maintenance. After all, if I want to get into the corporate world and sell something that I want to be enthusiastic about and help create, then it would have to be creating video games because I think I'll enjoy playing them occasionally and even try to influence designing games that would interest me if I become like age 70 haha- I don't know online bingo? Or possibly, a game that makes people compete against each other on who could be the most inspiring? haha

All Work, Little Play

I guess I just need to discipline myself now to a better road. Once I break a habit that I've been trying to force myself to do for awhile, I sort of wander off for awhile and not do it again haha. It's really hard to discipline the self, body, and mind. On top of that, if I forgot to do something and then I remember it then it's like why didn't I do that in the first place and think of myself as a punching bag haha. I must be a little bit like how everything has to be in a place and that if I had a bad day, then well, I need to look forward to the next day if there is one haha.

The incidents that have happened to me are problematic but also quite cool now that I think of it. I know I've done stupid stuff that never landed me in jail, thankfully, so my personality is something that was shaped by my upbringing which I feel grateful about. I guess I just added too much feeling into something I did and looked at it from an angle that was really short-sighted. When time's flying by from having fun and it's not really productive then that's pretty much a big boo-boo haha.

I really need to set my mind on disciplining myself and maybe signing on to do something that will get me outside the house. It could be anything that I could get my hands on and is very sensible to me. Now that I think of it, just doing it for the money might be just too much for me. There's one thing that I could spend all my energy on for making a living right now because I so desperately need to right now, and it's something that is sort of neat for everyone who hears about the participants who become successful from it. Yeah, it's a one-of-a-kind job and I'm not just saying this to hype myself up haha.

What about the fear of failure? No, I don't really have it. I'm always going to play it safe because that's the only way to be successful at my work anyway. I'm looking to make this a life-long passion that will help reap some pretty good rewards. I guess I should just focus on perfect discipline with this job like a professional would and not become so overly or under invested.

I guess I'm just trying to limit myself a little sometimes because I'm afraid of losing myself and getting really crazy about life from snapping haha. I actually felt those emotions and still carried forward with my studies when I was kid- I was very miserable obviously while others were probably celebrating about how nice and pretty cool I was. The only thing they must have hated was how I acted a little weird in terms of talking to others- I sort of acted like Annie Tran at that Hope of God Church haha- yeah, the one whose on my weird people list still. I can relate a little to how she acts with me because I sort of did that while growing up and came to detest it. I'm not the one to change a person in the end though- the act is something supernatural like Hallelujah(!) haha if the person changes for the better.

Do I know how to manage myself now that I could possibly take the lead with a good girl in my life haha? I want to say, "You betcha!" haha but I'm really not so sure. I still have to force myself to discipline myself which sounds pretty crazy so yeah, I think I just need to try hard and maybe, I'll get there haha. All those long days where I feel headaches and so annoyed from work not going so well really suck. The times where I gave an A effort after not studying so obviously, I would be bombing the test and then I see the bad news really sucked too haha.

Time To Think About It

I really have a strong understanding of trading with a highly trending market now. A lot of factors will determine how the chips fall in place, and its numbers are calculated through using a type of skill. This type of work seems pretty boring to some people, so I guess I can't lie about that. For the fast paced, "want-it-now" type of people who would be a terrorist to force others to make them money, I don't think it's really that fast haha. It's a very long term orientated business, and I guess it's really a personal thing that makes you money in the long run. In other words, I read about a trading style that could put your account under 50% from its starting balance before turning it around- umm, I'm not using that one haha.

The real question that I really need to ask myself is if I'm going to drive a freight truck around for one year, which will scare the living daylights out of me. Like I've said from my last post, I'm afraid of driving it up a slippery mountain and also afraid of dumb drivers crashing into me. Other than that, it seems like a pretty simple job that will keep me away from my home for the most part of the month. A good benefit to being a truck driver is that while on the road, I get to take a rest about two days because it's mandated by law so I could probably do a little sightseeing on my own and try out the famous steakhouses of each state haha. I'll also have some time and limited distractions to crunch some numbers in my head and invest in a financial market. I've finally learned how to take about only 10 minutes a day to manage some nice trades with decent success. 

A truck school I've been looking into is offering free tuition of driving a truck for only two dates, so if I take advantage of that now then I could be in luck. Otherwise, I'll have to commit myself which will feel like forcing myself to stay on the field. I'm sure by driving a truck around and if I become really good and confident about my abilities to be a safe driver then maybe I'll have a sensible decision to make. I do want to pay off my student loans really badly, and it would take me about a year which is a long time. I don't want to prolong it and make it be a stupid payment that cuts into other expenses when that money should be put to good use. On top of all of this, I have a really confident ability now in what I'm doing and the little amount of time I need to do business, along with feeling a lot of independence right now. It could be like I'm only taking a year off to travel to other parts and making some mental notes about how some truckers talk like jerks haha. I guess I want to say that my weird people list is not vacant so I'm still in the process of flushing them out of it. Actually, maybe jerks are also normal people sometimes haha.

Preparing For A New Lifestyle

Pretty much I've been setting out to mainly try to make myself grow taller a little still haha. I'm pretty much at my last week of doing those stretches to increase my height and I only gained about an inch of growth. I'm at the age of 27 and going on to be 28 soon, so if I managed to grow an inch, I think I can still grow a few more inches haha. Since I'll be finishing this growth program with a little added confidence on my psyche, I guess I can try to tackle on-the-road training with a freight truck. I know that if I do this for about a year, I can probably find a pretty stable job afterward in the trucking industry.

I'm pretty much considerable on par or a little below average with my marketing skills, so it isn't going to get me that far in getting hooked up with a highly competitive job. Getting considerable help with getting your resume written up or getting professional advice could be considerably risky. I was pretty much stupid for not keeping my grades up and then applying for an internship at a good company- this is the biggest trick I kept from myself. Now, I'm in a pickle with some educational loans that I have to pay off. Just working one year driving a truck around would be good enough to satisfy all my debt because all of that money would go to just paying off what I owe and even my car.

I could be on the road, but maybe I could take some pictures and post them on this blog. On second thought, I really don't want to drive a truck just now. I really want to explore a little more with my trading career right now which is also considerably risky. Driving a freight truck around can be also dangerous too- I'm afraid of dumb drivers ramming into me and getting killed. I'm also afraid of having to take the truck up a mountain while it's snowing. I even trained to drive a truck and couldn't get it down my first time. I don't really know why I'm so geared to take up this trucking job when it doesn't really fit my personality. It's like I have my back against the wall, and this student loan is really bugging me so crazy. If I could just complete one year of trucking service, I'll see a lot of things going well for me- I could pick up on a more dedicated route to stay closer to home, or I could even be a driving instructor. I'll have a little additional money to invest in with stocks because I'm gradually increasing my sharpness on it and gaining profit with it. The volatility of the financial market I'm playing in is just going crazy and swinging back and forth with potentially profitable numbers to bank on.

Honesty Rules

This whole working at two jobs sort of thing doesn't really seem to be working out for me. I mean I'm not working literally at a company, but really trying to support myself. I'm finding that only one of them is actually making some serious profit for me, so I might as well just invest enough sole energy on that by becoming a specialist with it. Another cool part that I keep repeating a lot is that I'm enjoying it. It doesn't seem to make sense sometimes how my mind and heart just doesn't want to be into it and do something else. There's just this constant worry of what ifs' for me. Once I get profits rolling to good numbers where I could just live on my own and pay off all my debts, I'm going to seriously put some time on decent stuff that I really want to learn and going to make those things my backup plans for making a living in case this business just goes bust.

I don't really see how this business is going to go bankrupt on the long run with the way I'm managing it though. Still, I don't want to get too cocky about it. I'm seriously on the road of putting myself ahead of 95% of the workforce. I pretty much have to study everyday to conduct a daily routine for my job, so it seems like that's the part which is helping my brain stay in shape. Definitely and overall, this whole being straight-forward business gets me laughing in the end and relaxed so I think those people who end up roasting other celebrities are just being honest in a funny way- I believe that I can be that way too if I want to be.

I think I have another element to offer the best lady for me who feels the same way about me haha. A few years ago, I really had trouble opening up and I guess with those whole people doing their worst sin upon me sort of thing [They are on my weird people list haha], I just learned to be straight-forward about the situation to let it go and just laugh about it even if I confront them and they act very dumb and funny afterward haha. It's not hard for me to make fun of people; honestly, even though I don't think some people deserve it, but in some places I guess I need to let it out to realize they're only human.

I think the worst comments that I think about myself are the things I laugh at anyway so I'm not really going to be surprised if a jerk does that to me. I know his or her heart's intention, but I'm still laughing at how it won't really pain me- I guess this is where I could sort of help the person out so that they'll give up something for the benefit of others haha. With me around understanding all of this stuff, they'll lose support from their peers and look like an overreacting retarded person haha.

My line of work never really has an end to working in that if a person wanted to, he could pretty much work all day and get much accomplished. I'm thinking about balancing it- oh yeah, my mom keeps on telling me to do the stuff I tell her that I'm going to be doing. It seems to annoy her a lot that I do this a lot to her. Only recently, it seems like she stopped trying to bother me about doing that to her haha. I have my way of talking through things to get what I want, even though getting it naturally would be a blessing haha. Allusively speaking, I hope to find a desirable spouse naturally without needing to talk that much and just listening to what she's about which would make life so much simpler on me haha.  I also think about what they would gossip about me- yeah, even my own mom sometimes haha and then bring it up with the person which probably makes them want to go crazy if they think about me in general. In other words, they end up letting go of something underneath and allowing me to project myself as a human being. I've dealt with people who were not that enthusiastic with hanging out with me haha and even got them to hang out with me still- I remember yelling at them too because I was so fed up about something with them but they would just smile after I let it out which was so bothersome to me but now I see that it's because maybe, I placed them as a supporting cast wittingly. Therefore, I think I was still a likable person to them.

Need To Plan Wisely

I believe that timing is everything when it comes to earning a living. I mean for example, it's just obvious that people wake up at a certain time and then appear at work and then go home and earn a paycheck after working Monday through Friday and sometimes do a little overtime. For myself, I don't really have to do this type of routine because I have my own business that's profiting pretty well but it comes with its risks which is what probably offsets just about everybody from trying it out in the first place.

The job I do is exciting and has its rewards and lots of benefits attached to it, along with saying that I'm a business owner. However, time management is pretty tough for me. I guess I used to want to think of work as being a socializing place, but it's really not supposed to be and can be a very cold and boring place. This one weird girl said that she wanted to be an executive with her own private office and desk- I can see how that really wouldn't have a lot of socializing going on and I thought women like socializing in general haha.  This girl is that Annie Tran on my weird people list, but slowly and surely, I really want to stop writing about those weird people on the 10 man maximum list haha and let them live their own lives.

Unfortunately, I have to "X" out the part where a workplace is about mainly socializing but the reason for any business running in general is to pretty much make a comfortable earnings. After work, that's pretty much where the fun could be, so I can see that and having a good social network of friends could be beneficial instead of letting work being like a playground and gamble with losing the job. Since life is what you really make of it, I've found something that I really like doing even though it's extremely difficult to pick up on at the start and finding that those skills I learn at this job will pretty much be a lifelong investment and something I can take with me to even teaching my kids' great grandchildren haha. I could create my personal family manual on how to build wealth and pass it down to generations and then maybe if one of them sells out then another genius in the family would have to make it better haha.

Yeah, all of that funny, cool, and wild stuff to do comes with having money which I hate to say and also some of that money can be really used for contributing to society. I might make it a rule in the handbook to donate something by maybe saying that there's a tax deductible plan or something like that and be so convincing on how it's a must to be successful haha. I don't know how many people in this civilization really can develop this discipline of managing wealth, but it surely would mean they are a special breed for getting started on that road.

Seriously Letting Go

While I was dreaming in my sleep, I did get that chance to ball up some professional players because I knew I was in a dream haha. I even laid down another dunk over a big man which felt good in my dream haha. The score at the end was like a cliffhanger because it went down right to the last second and then the team I was on started celebrating after winning haha. Overall, through this dream I learned a little more about honoring and respecting some friends. Therefore, the title of the post is the first thing that came out of my mind when I awoke in the morning. To say the truth, I don't really like going to church at around 10:30 am for service because it seems a little too late for me- I've been attending a church at around 8:30 am and yes, people do show up to the service with pretty good numbers haha.

I've learned something very valuable over the last couple years now- I've learned to not let any negative emotions get the best of me and to express myself in an okay manner with just about anybody, even if they sound like they're being a jerk right now. I no longer feel that competitiveness to be better than somebody else because I'm already content with what I'm doing to make a living. Focusing hard and just putting a lot of diligence into something is what interests me now with my line of work. I'm pretty much treating my job as a business now and not something you do out of a hobby. It's incredible that I found a lot of work even while the economy was crashing down and that I spent a lot of money trying to find something to do, regardless of liking it or not. Therefore, I failed at some of those jobs from not developing passion and placed myself in even more debt after hiring some educators. I was even dissed by some co-workers who claimed that I spent too much money just to work at a nonsense job while the business was barely holding up haha.

With all that experience I had, I really regret maybe not working at 1 or 2 real job opportunities and sticking to the position because I was just a plain idiot for not keeping those jobs haha. Oh well, those are chances I totally let go of because my mind at the time was so fixated on doing something else. I was just too worried and nervous about life to the point that I was considering on getting some help when some people at the selfish church I was at started pestering me to get help haha. I no longer need the expensive help (when I could get it for free from hanging out with friends) which is the neat thing and realize what they were about literally to the point that they can't admit having done anything right for me. I really have a comfortable expectation of how they're going to be like with me now because I know how to actually lead in those bad circumstances that they put me through. 

Chris Kuch told me that it wasn't all about me haha, neither is it all about him too. Obviously, he was blinded by his anger and couldn't handle something that was inside of him at the time. Yeah, he was being at least a Class D jerk haha and I did want to beat him up for a time being out of not being able to stay stable around me talking to him. Jarred Taing was like it doesn't matter whether I did it or not because the influence is at some level where he was feeling paranoid about something haha and then he said that I was going to end their care group which really isn't about caring for others but building their own personal self-esteem even to the point of leaving out others they don't feel comfortable being around. I know this and honestly project it because I was there for at least 1.5 years before they brought up their own weaknesses with me haha. I was just too caught up on making a living and feeling so much pressure on it that it caused something that I didn't like and that I was incapable of doing something about it at the time, so I was just being a normal person instead of the usual guy who likes to take charge by doing some unusual things and just avoiding trouble in general.

Overall, I experienced what would be the worst Biblical sin from those people at that church. You can't live a full life without facing these types of relational problems- fortunately, I wasn't involved in anything intimate with a Betty Lam (haha, there's like millions of Betty Lams' which would be a cute Christian name pronounced like "Mrs. Lamb") or went a little too far with the dating scene. I actually did have my time of fun with everything I did- I just tried to refrain from doing them but naturally, I couldn't help having fun over there which tortured them a great deal in a psychologically weird fashion haha.  In general, I now know how to deal with the worst sinners of them all, according to what I found in the Bible who claim to be even Christians. The beginning of it or what a cool mathematician over there said, the "Step 0" haha part is to pray for God to forgive them for this sin and seriously let out your desires for them with the Lord. In other words, I prayed for them to get disciplined haha so why not? Their church also messed up quite a bit and some godly people like Betty haha did leave because of me. Eventually, let's see if I could get a hold of Betty who had some funny and natural girl reactions with me and be a good friend to her. I also have a weird feeling that maybe her parents disapprove of her going to that rundown church nowadays.

Some Crazy Things

I guess back then I was the type to do things that would get the majority of people to not respond to my writing haha. I think it's like that in general because maybe you can get only like 5-10% of the people at the max who look at your web page to type something. It's also normal for a person to experience some haters, so yeah even though I don't see why some people are idiotic about hating me haha I would just accept that they are not going through a very happy time right now.

According to the Bible, the worst sin God sees with people is a person sowing discord among brethren. There are seven things that the Lord hates, and contrary to what popular legend would say, it's not really a passage of the seven deadly sins. Out of the list with seven deadly sins, pride made the list that's confirmed in Proverbs 6:16-19. It's a little surprising that the Catholic church didn't count murder as a deadly sin which is also hated by God. The current list of the seven deadly sins are anger, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony.

About the worst sin described in Proverbs 6:19 after inferring that it's the seventh which is an abomination to the Lord on Proverbs 6:16, I believe that it goes against loving an individual. God's greatest commandments include loving a person with all your heart, mind, and soul. Obviously, it sounds like forcing someone to love another person just can't be done in general. The heart of this matter can range from being angry and hating someone to misunderstanding a person and then causing others to have an evil mindset with the person.

The crazy thing about this whole worst sin thing is that a church who claims to be spiritual or Christians can also from relying on themselves more than seeking after refuge in God, make life miserable for another believer. Chris, Jarred, Golf, Lee, Chai, Bai, and Annie all played a role in sowing discord with me over at Hope of God Church. Because I experienced the worst type of transgression from people at the heart of the matter, I'm still working at forgiving them. Their sins put together caused a bad repercussion for the church because I've heard that some godly people have left the church, including Betty (who rarely shows up haha) and another sensitive, decent, and married man. This all came from them refusing to understand the situation with all their ears which were stubborn to listen and not wanting to see which was blinded by their agenda. In other words, they lacked the power of showing love with me because they could only go so far with their human efforts and could not draw this power of Agape love from the Holy Spirit at the time I was there trying to consult them.

Some people will never learn or recover from this type of incident for both parties, but I've caught on finally with the dire circumstances and about seriously forgiving them and moving on. Even with them sinning to the worst degree with me out of refusal to submit to me, I can see a way through this mess with the help of the Holy Spirit and inspired pages of God's Word in the Holy Bible. Maybe, they're not cut out to be spiritual leaders after all or to be used heavily by God in the midst of chaos that's running rampart; however, I'm still going to respond with honesty to the infinite degree haha if they try to sue me thinking I've defamed them.

Nuclear Reactor Scare

One thing that my mom is pretty good at is paying attention to some eye-grabbing useful news. If some people haven't known already or took seriously like me at first, at least one of Japan's nuclear facilities exploded and has caused fear of radiation poisoning among the inhabitants who live there. Radiation poisoning is not something to take very lightly because it includes the symptoms that came after the atom bomb during World War II. It looks like the 8.9 earthquake and tsunami caused some of those facilities to become unstable that people around a 80 km radius had to be evacuated.

Because of states being on the other coast of Japan, it's been advised that people who are living near the Pacific Ocean, especially in the state of California, should keep their windows closed as a precaution until scientists can give word that the environment is safe again. I briefly had to think to myself- what if these explosions were to trigger the poisoning of the Earth's atmosphere and we couldn't live anymore on the Earth's surface? I was worrying a little about humanity coming to an end like this, so I would concur that it's the right thing to really help clean up and rebuild Japan in the meantime. 

A friend who is a dedicated believer of Christ and has a wife working on an autobiographical book about how they met told me that we could be living in end times. I, myself, had to take a moment to embrace the possibility of this outcome. I really would like to spend some time praying for those affected in Japan. I mean to say that I grew up with some antagonistic blood against the Japanese because of the history of torture and oppression they put my parent's homeland into. Even though I was born in the States, I still have some nationalistic blood for Korea and hope that the North and South will eventually come to a resolve and unify- I'm more geared toward the South right now though. Another cool thing was that there's this new video game that features a unified Korea battling the U.S. on a hypothetical World War III haha. I have an idea myself too since I'm into the gaming business- I want to create a World War III game based off of Israel and Palestinians battling each other. Even though I would personally support Israel on the context of espousing the Old Testament, I might just leave it to the imagination and hopefully it would be a fun game to play in general. It would be interesting to see how the religious terrorists play a role- maybe I would just set them up to be a common enemy?

Getting Serious About Work

I have really found something that is a pretty wise investment to me and appreciate the beauty of it being like a job to me now. It's pretty much my own business that I am running, and I definitely can see where the consistency lies with it now. It's pretty much going to be a highly profitable business, and I find myself really enjoying it. It's becoming a lock in with profits and also not surprising me a great deal with how the market reacts. The only question that now remains is that I'm going to be having a lot of time on my hands from the hard work I put in already.

With this amount of liberty and free time that I will be having, I need to make sure that I have a back up plan in case something really weird happens to the business. I do like game programming a lot, so maybe developing skills of a game developer might be something that really interests me on the long run. I could pretty much do that for a living and never get bored of it- it has all the elements that I look for which includes having fun, working in a team, and just being able to play with something repetitively with some fan base that goes along with it. Plus, I've found playing games to be a lot of fun so just playing it in moderation now is better than overdoing it for me and having a job with it would be plenty of play time in the work field.

I guess for now, while I'm building some profit and completely paying off everything I owe, I might as well take some game development classes and look into making games a little with the free time I get. Sure, it's not making me money right now because the sight of having money makes it feel easier on me, but it needs to be about a passion that I can relate to. There are only two things that I can mainly focus on at a time when it comes to having a profession and the more important things fall in place for me naturally. Pretty much, if I keep my desires to myself straight-forward regardless of what others tell me, then through this honesty I'm actually seeking something great.

The neat part about myself honestly is that I managed to find how God fits in my life with His Holy Spirit through the pages of the Bible. People can bring up all sorts of arguments with me and stuff, but it seems like that's not what Christianity is really about anyway; the main thing that really got to me for awhile is people who claim to be Christians but go around doing bad stuff which doesn't shine a light for others considering it. One of my former roommates told me that another roommate who was a religious junkie but a rude person to us ruined it for him haha.

Anyhow, the matters of the heart are a personal thing and occasionally, the hatred and anger of an individual blinds him from coming to know that a happy truth does exist out there. Getting back about my work which I might dwell for awhile on this blog, I seriously need to stop wasting time and use it very wisely. Surely, I can waste plenty of time from the business ringing in good profit nowadays but it could go away any second and so I would need to find something else. I'm not saying I'm going to purposefully put all my money at a time and just play this risky game of putting faith on some stocks, just that I'm taking a lesson from the stories of others and humbling myself from them.

Changing Topic

I guess I don't really have anything to write about right now because I figure that those moments of discomfort I go through are events where I pretty much try to deal with them on the spot haha. Man, I really need to do stuff to keep myself occupied and it's getting quite easy but some of those things can get pretty old on me fast. With something I do have to keep myself occupied on, I don't really know why but maybe somehow with it being related to work then maybe that's why I really don't want to keep myself engaged in it.

I guess I can talk about why I don't really want to work for awhile on this blog and see if there's anything I can do to fix it up for myself haha. I guess I can talk or write about something for awhile to the point that it might actually bother someone and then when they're at their boiling point, I move on to talk about something else haha. Or if I go back to it later again and they're surprised that they are not getting mad about it and then I let them know that I know what they were feeling to make fun of them haha; yeah, those are interesting moments. After all, being a friend to somebody even if they are intentionally being selfish about something with you isn't really that tough.

Oh yeah, this is random but I want to talk about this dream I had. I was shooting a basketball around with some professional basketball players and wasn't consciously aware I was in a dream because I couldn't get a shot in from the three pointer line haha, but if I had known I was in a dream I would have kept on swishing the ball and played 1-on-1 with them and then own them like Kobe Bryant haha. I also did have a dream before where I dunked a ball and felt good so I guess I would like to do that in real life on a full basketball rim.

Barely Making It Big

The title of this post sounds a little funny to me because basically, I'm barely learning to succeed at what I'm doing right now haha. With all the good stuff that's coming along, I'm just barely getting there haha. I'm pretty much humbled and grateful for all the good help that people have contributed for a common purpose which I developed a passion for.

It took a lot of effort and sometimes, man I wasn't really feeling it but now I have something that's like gold and it's something I wouldn't mind sharing with some friends now if they are interested. I'm thinking to myself still that if someone pointed a gun at me and forced me to make money with what I'm doing then I would probably get shot from doing bad so please don't pick me for taking advantage of. I don't want to be hired just now to bring in more money for bigger clients in other words. I wouldn't mind being the unknown billionaire in this world and just anonymously contribute to good causes with maybe only my future spouse knowing all this and helping me out a bit in that area of setting up a good charity.

I'm going to be strong with the money I roll in haha. I'm going to work out and hopefully become strong enough to finish a full Iron Man Challenge haha. I don't care about finishing last and all of those tough girls beating me silly in that race. I hear that some women have better endurance than men even though men are physically stronger than them. 

It's sweetness because I could hook up some good friends and do a lot of amazing stuff to help out the world- in other words, I want to spend it wisely and have enough assets to keep myself from ever falling behind once I get the financial rewards. The richest person who I know to be alive in my family tree is my grandpa from my mother's side; he pretty much worked very hard starting at poverty and was such a work horse that he ended up almost owning property of a whole town! He also had no college education and even did all he can to save up enough money to acquire even more land to invest in economically and provide for 8 kids at the same time. He really made it big in the cold world of running a business and was definitely an ideal family man. Also, he was pretty short too hahaha which didn't stop him from getting married to my beautiful grandma and continuously being motivated to work hard and even disciplining all those former kids haha like my mom who speaks well of him.

Hey, I may be self-conscious of my appearance compared to others but now that I think of it, it really doesn't matter because diligence and living an honest, good life is something that comes from the heart. The important thing for me is that I'm trying to please the Father in heaven with all the things I'm doing, even though my works are compared to rags with what the Lord paid for my sins. I'm confident now and about flying high because they say the sky is the limit, right?

Keeping Active

I believe that it's not really all about luck, but mainly speaking the deserving just get it done from being determined and really trying hard at keeping up with something they develop a passion for. Sure, winning the lottery happens to the very fortunate or are they(?) because the money wasn't really earned from hard work and could they really use it responsibly for the better of mankind's future? Anyhow, despite all of that I can't help thinking about now- I believe that an average person wouldn't mind winning the lottery even though somehow a few typical individuals say at the same time that they don't want to be a bunch of billionaires haha which seems so contradictory but what are we going to do anyway because we need to live.

At the thing I'm doing, I'm pretty much taking in all the risk to create the highest reward so in a way, it's not really luck because I'm risking it fairly significantly and from performing well at my job, I'm pretty much possessed with a skill. Therefore, to a successful day trader, luck has really nothing to do with it. It also seems to attract some young peers from my generation nowadays, especially those who are looking for a job because of it's potential rewards that it could sustain and from being able to have so much time to do other things.

My first criteria before helping a friend or anyone who really wants to get started is assessing not how much they're willing to risk but more about what their passions are in life and to see if they are really ready to make this type of commitment because it's going to be a rocky road where 95% of the people who do this type of business will fail. Therefore, I really want to make sure a person can handle this and seriously keep up with a rapidly changing market- it can be stressful but I find it to be so exciting with the opportunities that it poses itself; whereas, others will see the volatility as too risky to get involved in. It all depends on what the person is looking for in life.

I'm looking at this from an ethical point of view- the person needs to know what he or she wants to do for a living and to be really happy about doing it. If the person spends like 50 hours a week on a certain job and just loves everything about it and has so much fun in it or whatever that's good, then I believe there's really no reason for them to try something new like this out because they're not going to have time for it anyway. This is pretty much a job and not some random hobby that sucks up your money, if you become a professional with this one. I don't really know who would want to lose some substantial amount of money for fun, but I guess that's where some bad poker players who are called fish may come into play haha. Yeah, traders are in this thing to make some money so it will take some time (2 years on average) and going through some very tough periods to master this craft.

I'm still open to helping people get started on being a Forex trader if they live in California and can meet me up at a fancy public library- I can reserve a room on the second floor that has the feel of a meeting board haha. So hit my e-mail address button on my view profile link at the bottom right if interested. Umm, sorry no weird people may apply for this haha. Remember, I'm doing this for free and in return (yes) I just want you to be like a casual business friend where we can share some techniques that work well and really be good enough to talk about the events that go around the trading business- I'm just helping to set you up so we could be close to equals and help each other out. I have a feeling that people are still thinking it's too risky to get involved, oh well, I see it as an opportunity where I'm making some good money right now. Okay, peace.

Setting Some Practical Sight

Basically, this is pretty much what is going on my head despite possibly rejections from everybody else. I'm experiencing a little more financial stability right now after worrying quite a bit at the start of this month. It looks like I could probably go on doing this for a long time and have so much time to do other things now and that it is eventually going to happen soon. I think I might get to see my financial assets grow a lot bigger.

My main focus that I want to ensure that I get done currently is just become set financially and not really have to think so seriously about having a lack of income to support a normal lifestyle that I want. I would like to also not be in any debt and be able to pay off everything that's on loan. A little side stuff that I'm currently adding on is trying to exercise everyday and be healthy, along with seeing if I can still get a few inches taller off my height which would be nice- I've managed to grow just an inch taller in one year, right after what people call the cut-off mark in getting taller at the age of 27, so I guess I'm still a growing boy haha.

I'm pretty much repeating what I want to do, so that I don't forget to do these things on this blog. No, I'm not about hurting someone haha. Even if I had those angry feelings of defending the life of somebody else and would end up dropping the perpetrator to the floor, I'm not going to want to live in anticipation of that happening- I'm into Martial Arts by the way and want to sign up to add in some showy moves with a more aerial and agile body. I'm going to get myself the impossible 6-pack abs someday for myself and hopefully be able to show it off while running the impossible Iron Man Challenge and being happy to at least finish it even if I'm the last guy to cross the finish line- I'm happy to know that my dad's genes of having good endurance was passed down to me, so if I train hard it might be possible haha.

Oh yeah, I also saw this website on getting a high leap so that the person who does the program can eventually dunk a basketball. There's this guy whose about 5' 5" and can dunk- no way right? Well, this one guy who looks short can dunk a ball on You-tube and gets some major air! It's thanks to this program called the 54 inch Vertical or something like that. I'm going to try that too and see if I could do a double-back flip later haha. I'll feel like how Bruce Lee did too with his major air kick that took out a skinny 7-footer in some movie he did haha.

I've pretty much covered already a lot of what I'm trying to accomplish for myself right now and it seems to be pretty daily now. Oh yeah, I have to keep reminding myself to brush my teeth daily haha because I forget sometimes and just sleep letting my teeth rot away ignorantly. I also want to see if that Rogaine stuff works on my thinning hairline at the top- I would look like another George from Seinfeld if I don't do something about it right now haha- that stuff stings my head a little when I put it on right now so I guess it's supposed to work haha.

Tidal Waves

I don't really know much about tidal waves, and how they are formed but after today and watching some of those footage, man I don't know what to really say about the situation that happened in Japan. Yesterday, it pretty much marked the largest recorded earthquake in Japan with a whooping 8.9. I guess I just want to take the moment to get my mind off of the repetitive and boring stuff I write about on this blog, and just take a moment of expressing some concern and condolences for the victims who were affected by the destruction that occurred. It also claimed a lot of lives and homes along with a tidal wave that ripped through the mainland.

Despite the sadness that's incorporated with it, I wish I could help out by volunteering but I just can't right now because I have this dumb card debt that I need to focus on paying off. I'm going to work super hard and be like a blazing fire that just consumes on doing work. This is sort of dumb to mention but might as well for myself, I need to remind myself to brush my teeth twice a day and to take a shower immediately after working out because my head will just start itching afterward if I don't and put on some Rogaine twice everyday to prevent more hair loss and see if I can thicken my small patch of hair on my cerebral cortex.