Feeling Lucky?

After all this time, I see myself having not really fully recovered from something. I'm starting to see that I haven't really been taking the right steps to get to that road of recovery and that I took some very interesting paths because of it. Somehow, I'm still shallow underneath somewhere like how I want to become physically active, become a bit taller, or stuff like that haha. I believe that I'm gaining an area of expertise now, after all this time.

I'm pretty much programming on a daily basis and it's taking awhile to get to where I want to be with it. I really need to make some additional tests with it and see if I could simplify it a bit more. Overall, I'm actually really enjoying it a lot and hoping to gain a lot more prestige in becoming an expert programmer. I guess it's not bad so far with what I've tried to accomplish being a self-employed professional newbie. I'm glad some people have really wished me luck to do well in this field and that makes me feel very encouraged to keep putting up the good fight.

Life in general is sometimes really weird and incomprehensible. A person I knew from high school and was about two years older than me passed away recently and is having a memorial service tonight. For a guy who was probably younger than the crazy woman Lee who put a restraining order on me, I would say that he died too young. Speaking allusively about the restraining order on a more abstract level, I think most people should be given opportunities with what they want to make a living on. I managed to still somehow bypass the negative effects of Lee's craziness with me by starting my own business and pretty much giving it my all with it. My image or reputation isn't really affected by the opinions of a small church that I've been writing about or some guys not wanting to be my friend on Facebook haha. It feels like I've had better luck with girls more than the guys for some reason. I've actually been a bit lucky with Betty (the one with some of my dedicated posts haha) too and it was really funny how she responded to me so I guess Betty was being Betty, right?

In other words, Betty hung up on me the first time yelling at me to seek some professional help and then the second time I hung up on her haha. No, I wasn't trying to be mean to Betty- I just thought it would be good to try to take the lead a bit with her, who seemed really confused about something. She was sort of repeating the nonsense that influenced the both of us dealing with some aggravated and self-contradicting hypocrites (Chris, Jarred, Golf, and Chai) at the small church who assumed a leadership role- they are not really that holy as I thought. The reason why I'm writing about this relationship is simply because it seems pretty fun to be honest about it. Another reason is that I'm not really that infatuated with Betty haha but hopefully she'll see that being friends is an acceptable thing at the cellular level.

Now that I see it, I was actually lucky with Lee who put a restraining order on me too. She told me indirectly that she really didn't want to put one on me, if I would only respond properly to her and make her feel really respected. In other words, I could have really bashed the living daylights out of Chris and Jarred and left Lee feeling respected and she wouldn't put a restraining order on me. Maybe it's because I didn't do enough for Lee who was thinking through something crazy one step ahead of all of us. Looks like Lee really was stuck on a slippery slope and intended something harmful even though she was trying to cover it up by blocking it with trying to appear humble.

I was also lucky with Annie Train (person from my weird list); another girl whose age is highly mysterious to me right now but somehow I feel aggravated about the thought of being attracted to her. She sort of has her weird traits that I find to be actually boring, but somehow she became the leader of a now defunct group thanks to the contributions of Chris and Jarred being a bunch of blockheads. I spoke with Annie a number of times, and the effort actually showed itself in court because she chose not to testify against me. The same was done with the small-time pastor Chai who I even repeatedly tried talking to, and he didn't want to testify against me either. I won their hearts even though their heads were sunk in on a matter that was very stupid. Chai ended up yelling at me over something haha, and I thought pastors wouldn't really do something like that but I guess he's not really cut out to be a pastor in my opinion and analysis of my idea of him being a church elder.

In general, I've felt very lucky dealing with girls no matter what I feel they put me through. Guys have been a lot tougher for me to deal with because I've rough-housed with several of them while I was a kid and did some elbow drops on some of them and sat on them to make them not breathe before I would feel bad and let go. Nowadays, I'm programming with a group of guys and we're going to come up with some pragmatic games to make a living off of it- I'm really excited about it.

Man, I'm so lucky with everything that's going on in my life. I've managed it a little better now from being honest about things going behind the scenes, so my life has really improved from it. I have a mother who really responds to me, and it's good that she gives me contradicting views even though I would prefer a lady who doesn't try to intervene with my life. I guess reasoning with my mother well nowadays is giving me more confidence to interact with weird people in general if I choose to go that route now haha. 

The little that I spoke sometimes caused people to laugh and enjoy my company. Now, I'm speaking about havoc as like it's truth and it causes some insecure people to really not feel well of me for a moment. If I really persist by continuing to talk to them repetitively I have a high chance of succeeding with them- I'm someone who was born to be able to talk endlessly and not look bad because of it.