Okay, I'm having a little too many off nights or that's how it feels like. I figure from having these 'many' nights where I think about my life and where it's leading to, it's about time that I developed some winning habits.
There could be at least 10 things that I would like to accomplish daily. If I'm lucky enough, I can get through three of them on average. I'm just going to have to be dedicated to it then no matter how tired I am.
What Sarah Michelle Gellar once said in her youth while playing Buffy the vampire slayer or starring in random movies is to keep on going, until you drop dead! That's precisely how I feel I need to be going at the old age of 34.
Yeah, I act a lot more silly than I do for my age. I guess when I'm mad and going on full onslaught with randomness and silliness then the person I'm doing it to messed up big time and is going to feel stupid because the situation is likely not that serious anyway and I'm just letting out what I'm feeling while I'm aware of what I'm doing. I don't really want to yell at anybody because I hate being yelled at or told off for something not that serious and feels one-sided. I might have to yell just to let the person know what I'm capable of doing and that I'm making an effort to befriend because this is in my Christian genes.
My personality carries the gift of mercy for some reason and just enjoys being at peace even over arguing about stupid things and while being still angry. I get angry from being told off for a situation that isn't serious and doesn't deal with something personally. I try to hold it in though and be nice about it which is hard considering that I'm furious and trying to make fun of the person and being offensive while sounding nice at the same time. So I'm practically this little guy going on a silly tirade which can be offensive while trying to be a winner of the argument. Overall, I'm just not going to base it on feelings of uncertainty nor fear anymore, but more about what I desire with others. What I'm looking for is just a basic friendship if the person I'm dealing with is too stupid to be my friend over whatever selfish issues they end up developing with me.
I'm pretty much in position these days with age, experience, and reading skill level to take it to another level of dedication and to go where I want to go.