First off, I'm brought to some silent laughs with myself after reading the title of my post. Why? It's because it just sounds humorous putting two polar opposite words together in a sentence while expressing a commonly desired goal. I'm starting to realize now that from talking to my mom, she has continually said that I'm not the only one who likes to think my own way.
I have to be aware of it now that people are people and I play and think just like they do. I still feel like a kid sometimes when it comes to understanding how people think. Back then, I was just dealing with a lot of nerves and hiding my lack of confidence while socializing with anyone and missing out on good opportunities with getting a beautiful girlfriend! I failed to cash in each time I could have made the move from being so shy and even these girls tried making a move on me, but I still didn't budge.
I think it's because I just didn't get it and was more focused on understanding why I wasn't so happy and feeling so worn out all the time while lacking a direction that I wanted to indulge myself in. In this manner, this is where watching TV or playing games would feel like it's so fun sometimes and then the boredom starts kicking in and being alone all by yourself when you could go out and do something good for this world!
Now, I believe that it's all about going after doing whatever you want while focusing really hard at it and thinking about how you are making the world a better place! My mom likes to talk about how people keep on working so hard like they are drones, but then again this is how my mother was when she had the same job for almost twenty years before retiring and letting my dad take over with paying the family bills.
From feeling lost and having lack of confidence while living and suppressing my depression, I tried really hard to keep going but I would just tire out and kick the curb all the time. I don't know how it all clicked all of a sudden for me so far, but nowadays it's nothing like that. It's a total game changer with how I see the world so much in a more positive, cleaner, and creative manner now. I wish I started thinking this way starting at the age of 10 when I was reconsidering how ladies had cooties and could instead be very delightful people to be around. Well, it would naturally still have to take its course because there were a couple annoying female classmates who were moody and mean while making fun of me out of whatever mockery they wanted to do to me. I grew out of all those concerns now so that's what matters the most to me and am laughing about it while taking it with a grain of salt! I could seriously impart some wisdom to my own posterity now or any kid I feel responsible with.
