I'm realizing that one small detailed action can have a significant impact. What I have as my muse is the cleaning activity I have gone through. By cleaning up a mess on my computer desk by just picking a book, I realize a significant difference from a physical and emotional perspective. For some reason, the mind feels more lighter and free from an additional distraction.
Likewise, now I realize a truly small detail dealing with others that could have a very big impact with my future relations. My personal detail is that I have no issues dealing with anyone whatsoever because no matter what happens, I don't have any problems with working it out and communicating about the issue. What others may have been hiding is that they want to selfishly move on while they know they have nothing against me. It doesn't get me mad even though my flesh tells me to become super angry at them. I'm not relying on my feelings anymore because I actually don't mind being rejected now. Perhaps, those people are just not that great of individuals as I hoped they would become but no matter, I can still pursue after plenty of great people in my lifetime who are just genuinely nice and easy to get along with even through the storms that come our way in life.
Basically, with this small detail that I now carry, I wish to not be reliant on my personal feelings and go about doing a little act that I know could potentially make a huge difference in another life. I believe that I would just be doing my little part that goes unnoticed in the world but would truly make an individual impact.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Monday, November 25, 2013
Question I Want To Always Ask
If I ever manage to go out with any more girls now in the future, I want to ask her if she cares about my height and how she feels about it. I guess I need the confirmation that she won't feel so insecure about it and from there, I can move forward and do my thing with her if you know what I mean! I've been so shy to ask a few girls, but I had no problems asking the ugly girl I dated. Her answer was that she had no problems and no regrets about it; I seriously wonder why. She basically said that it's about the man being able to hold his stature and status really well and didn't matter what he looked like on the outside. I think it's cool that she's a pretty humble person even though she has made claims about how great looking and nice she is with me while we were dating. It was almost like a form of marketing and then she revealed her true intentions of wanting to become romantic with me!
Okay, it was a little too much for me with this girl I dated. I sort of fell out with her because she didn't want to go exercise with me; her excuse was that she had an ankle problem and man, she was walking pretty badly too with a limp. It was not the most graceful sight I've ever laid eyes on, but when she revealed her health issues with me, even though she was doing her part with trying to stay healthy, I felt like it would hold me back. I think this is where I figured out that I don't care about a woman's appearance if we get along but I want to be pretty physically active with her in doing outdoor activities, so I couldn't stay with her unfortunately, and it just turned into not responding back to her calls of a one night stand with me!
Okay, it was a little too much for me with this girl I dated. I sort of fell out with her because she didn't want to go exercise with me; her excuse was that she had an ankle problem and man, she was walking pretty badly too with a limp. It was not the most graceful sight I've ever laid eyes on, but when she revealed her health issues with me, even though she was doing her part with trying to stay healthy, I felt like it would hold me back. I think this is where I figured out that I don't care about a woman's appearance if we get along but I want to be pretty physically active with her in doing outdoor activities, so I couldn't stay with her unfortunately, and it just turned into not responding back to her calls of a one night stand with me!
Reorganizing My Life Around
Over the last years, I was pretty much wallowing over making a mistake that haunted me. I've been a hit and miss type of person, and it suddenly dawned on me that I let go of some pretty good opportunities. Now, I see a larger room of opportunities from having moved on from those negative feelings. I do feel short and feel regretful from being 5' 3". It's short, even though I've seen shorter people be more successful than me and it's not just limited to other girls, there are guys shorter than me who have actually done pretty well for themselves. One guy who comes to my mind is J.P. Morgan- he was a meager 5' 1" Caucasian! Now I think being white and short is a lot more difficult to cope with than being Asian and where I'm at in how I can seriously scare a whole church congregation into calling the cops on me, while they have nothing against me too!
My writer's block was like this depressing thought of how short I am and how I can't get out of this predicament even though I was hit on by some girls at the time from being pretty good looking still. It was depressing with the thought of being short even though I wrestled with taller males and made them cry when I was a boy. It was so depressing that I was still sad when I grew taller than my mom and my little sister ended up staying super short when she fully grew up.
Oh well, it's a part of me that makes me feel always sad but I'm not relying on those feelings anymore and not letting it affect me from how I live my life now. I've dated a pretty ugly but taller taller female. I've also gone out with a rare good looking girl whose taller than me too. I've even exchanged numbers with girls who stood about my height and just a little taller than me. I don't know why I still have this height complex but I seriously don't show it when others mock my height just for fun. I'm sort of not minding the short jokes with me so much now and I'm also looking pretty stable underneath more. I don't have a problem with being a giving person, so that might be my main reason why I might not have a serious inferiority complex.
My writer's block was like this depressing thought of how short I am and how I can't get out of this predicament even though I was hit on by some girls at the time from being pretty good looking still. It was depressing with the thought of being short even though I wrestled with taller males and made them cry when I was a boy. It was so depressing that I was still sad when I grew taller than my mom and my little sister ended up staying super short when she fully grew up.
Oh well, it's a part of me that makes me feel always sad but I'm not relying on those feelings anymore and not letting it affect me from how I live my life now. I've dated a pretty ugly but taller taller female. I've also gone out with a rare good looking girl whose taller than me too. I've even exchanged numbers with girls who stood about my height and just a little taller than me. I don't know why I still have this height complex but I seriously don't show it when others mock my height just for fun. I'm sort of not minding the short jokes with me so much now and I'm also looking pretty stable underneath more. I don't have a problem with being a giving person, so that might be my main reason why I might not have a serious inferiority complex.
Finishing Up A Task
I have so much expenditures I've accumulated over the years and have never used up! It's just piles and piles of office supplies and other miscellaneous hobbies of mine. For some cool reason, I felt that cleaning up my room and removing all those time consuming projects I never really find from my view would give me a better advantage at specializing in an area I want to get myself into.
While cleaning up, my floor was so messy and my mom was telling me that I have so much work cut out for me in cleaning up my room. It took several days for me to fix it. I still have minor errands that I want to run and can't really find myself giving into them because this major cleaning activity is getting me so obsessed into finishing it. Actually, I'm not even finished yet because I only have major part of it done.
I now honestly want to always see a clean desk in my view, instead of all these messy papers and books piled around me. I want to make it so neat and orderly now. This is what I'm setting myself up to. I want to have room to not distract myself over my own garbage and consume my passions. Honestly, I've done plenty of giving into my personal passions over the years while ignoring my messiness, but this time I want to develop a professional side within myself.
While cleaning up, my floor was so messy and my mom was telling me that I have so much work cut out for me in cleaning up my room. It took several days for me to fix it. I still have minor errands that I want to run and can't really find myself giving into them because this major cleaning activity is getting me so obsessed into finishing it. Actually, I'm not even finished yet because I only have major part of it done.
I now honestly want to always see a clean desk in my view, instead of all these messy papers and books piled around me. I want to make it so neat and orderly now. This is what I'm setting myself up to. I want to have room to not distract myself over my own garbage and consume my passions. Honestly, I've done plenty of giving into my personal passions over the years while ignoring my messiness, but this time I want to develop a professional side within myself.
Resolving Annoying Pattern
I have this personality where if I start something then I won't finish it and start another project. Over the years, it has piled up with a lot of cool books and notes but no monetary profit from it. It sort of bugs me now, so I'm doing my best to stay focused in finishing some of the tasks I have for myself.
The good things I've been a little more recent at staying fixed on is basically working out daily and arriving at work on time. On the contrary with people issues, I don't really have any; it's just that some people are lesser equipped at being good people than others. I've always wanted acceptance from everyone, even those unfortunate ones who can't handle my antics very well!
I'm starting to resolve those people's issues with me by not relying on my feelings and just moving on. I've been practically wasting my time over messaging some girls, and I've done a fine job at it because they actually acknowledge it well while they are in an aggravated state. I left this one girl a message on the phone; I asked a friend to ask her if she wanted me to stop texting and leaving messages on her phone. She only said to stop texting her. I guess I'm better with my voice of reason than I am while asking silly questions with her like if I'm scaring her because she wants to be left alone. I just think she feels a lot more embarrassed about herself and wants to forget about the incident and just move on but wants to do it in a selfish manner. She isn't the most prettiest and nicest person out there because I've found someone already whose worth pursuing and so much more better than all the girls I've ever tried to get with or went out with. I just like pretending what type of person I would want to be in order to please her and put that into action for myself. Overall, she's just my true type and also a Facebook friend I've interacted with a few times and yeah, she's pretty nice too.
The good things I've been a little more recent at staying fixed on is basically working out daily and arriving at work on time. On the contrary with people issues, I don't really have any; it's just that some people are lesser equipped at being good people than others. I've always wanted acceptance from everyone, even those unfortunate ones who can't handle my antics very well!
I'm starting to resolve those people's issues with me by not relying on my feelings and just moving on. I've been practically wasting my time over messaging some girls, and I've done a fine job at it because they actually acknowledge it well while they are in an aggravated state. I left this one girl a message on the phone; I asked a friend to ask her if she wanted me to stop texting and leaving messages on her phone. She only said to stop texting her. I guess I'm better with my voice of reason than I am while asking silly questions with her like if I'm scaring her because she wants to be left alone. I just think she feels a lot more embarrassed about herself and wants to forget about the incident and just move on but wants to do it in a selfish manner. She isn't the most prettiest and nicest person out there because I've found someone already whose worth pursuing and so much more better than all the girls I've ever tried to get with or went out with. I just like pretending what type of person I would want to be in order to please her and put that into action for myself. Overall, she's just my true type and also a Facebook friend I've interacted with a few times and yeah, she's pretty nice too.
Way I'm Spending Time
I have a really good buddy even though he's only Catholic and hasn't been very bright with his academic studies. He does come up with some brilliant remarks every once in awhile and can be very entertaining and charming, but he always tells me that he can't find a resolution while meeting somewhere in the middle. He has annoyed me a little about his indecisiveness but now I'm starting to not mind it being part of his personality, and if he's able to change a little into becoming a more decisive and strong adult, then I won't mind it that much too.
I've realized over all these years that I'm really about finding acceptance in everybody I've met. It's been hard for me to discover that some people are just not equipped enough to provide me with this type of leisure. I'm starting to fall out from those funky individuals now and more about chasing after appealing people that suit my types of needs now. I really like nice people and always love being around them; it's not so I can take advantage of them either but because it just feels so civilized and opportunistic to go out and do fun stuff with them.
I've realized over all these years that I'm really about finding acceptance in everybody I've met. It's been hard for me to discover that some people are just not equipped enough to provide me with this type of leisure. I'm starting to fall out from those funky individuals now and more about chasing after appealing people that suit my types of needs now. I really like nice people and always love being around them; it's not so I can take advantage of them either but because it just feels so civilized and opportunistic to go out and do fun stuff with them.
Monday, November 18, 2013
No Use Writing Things Down
I'm finding that writing my goals down isn't really helping much, especially because I'm not really willing myself to go in that direction. I think it's really all underneath me and just need to pull through by letting go of my personal feelings that get in the way as my distractions. For some matters, it is what it is and if it isn't illegal then might as well just suck it up!
Some things are really going to require a lot of precision and care. Everything isn't going to work out all the time to reach an ultimate good thing, but at least it can be turned into a discipline so that the wins that occur in life would overlap the losses and bring forth all the good rewards!
Some things are really going to require a lot of precision and care. Everything isn't going to work out all the time to reach an ultimate good thing, but at least it can be turned into a discipline so that the wins that occur in life would overlap the losses and bring forth all the good rewards!
What I Think Can Bring Me Money
I seriously believe now that maybe playing poker might be a decent way to make a little extra cash but of course with the risks that are involved. Along with other risks, I think managing my own web site and trading stocks could also bring me a little income eventually too. I also believe that learning a foreign language that I could master would be profitable too.
Perhaps, going after where I feel my passions would belong to, I think that's where I seriously need to be headed now. It's time for to just do it without much thought about my feelings into it. I'm just going to go after it; I don't really know of those things to be illegal and others being arrested over it. Might as well just get used to the fact that there will be good and bad days but as long as I can remain focused and disciplined, I can come up with a great strategy eventually that will pay off! I wish to go about things in a more comely manner now and that's pretty much where I will see myself taking off to now.
Perhaps, going after where I feel my passions would belong to, I think that's where I seriously need to be headed now. It's time for to just do it without much thought about my feelings into it. I'm just going to go after it; I don't really know of those things to be illegal and others being arrested over it. Might as well just get used to the fact that there will be good and bad days but as long as I can remain focused and disciplined, I can come up with a great strategy eventually that will pay off! I wish to go about things in a more comely manner now and that's pretty much where I will see myself taking off to now.
Not Relying On Emotions
I truly believe that God in the Holy Bible is an awesome, loving, and true God who has made Himself known to us. While looking for actually physical evidence, what really gets me is from examining the legitimacy of the prophecies. For personal reasons, it actually fills a void in my life.
Therefore, my direction isn't really about just looking at feelings and having them satisfied. It's really about doing things in a manner that is actually logical. For ethical matters and questions of my purpose in life, I'll just look to the good Lord in the Bible for answers and take it all in with good faith. If I am set on something and don't really know of it to be illegal at the moment no matter how much questionable the action might be, then might as well block out all the feelings that go with it and just do it!
I wish to go about in a more comely and logical manner this time; in order to do so, I will need to abandon my unreliable emotions this time around.
Therefore, my direction isn't really about just looking at feelings and having them satisfied. It's really about doing things in a manner that is actually logical. For ethical matters and questions of my purpose in life, I'll just look to the good Lord in the Bible for answers and take it all in with good faith. If I am set on something and don't really know of it to be illegal at the moment no matter how much questionable the action might be, then might as well block out all the feelings that go with it and just do it!
I wish to go about in a more comely and logical manner this time; in order to do so, I will need to abandon my unreliable emotions this time around.
Friday, November 15, 2013
Doing Things You Love Doing
It's starting to turn out that I really enjoy taking a little time out of the day to read up on a few highlight stories coming from the media. I'm also enjoying this ability to just blog anything I want to within my heart's desire and willingness to stay appropriate. I guess the thing is that I'm a guy that really stays in pursuit with these matters and really love wasting time over. I just love the feelings that come out of it and dealing with something that's very stressful and annoying in the beginning. I'm just starting to think that the obnoxious people I'm dealing with are actually communicating with me because they are saying something to me.
Oh, it's starting to make a little sense for me now and I see that I really enjoy these types of situations and interactions for myself. I also need to focus on my personal life a little by working hard on earning a living with something I really want to do. It's actually more or less getting there for me now. I don't feel a chip on my shoulder or anything burdensome with the things I really like doing now. I just need to be more careful on some things.
Oh, it's starting to make a little sense for me now and I see that I really enjoy these types of situations and interactions for myself. I also need to focus on my personal life a little by working hard on earning a living with something I really want to do. It's actually more or less getting there for me now. I don't feel a chip on my shoulder or anything burdensome with the things I really like doing now. I just need to be more careful on some things.
Actually Communicating
I'm really loving the whole conversation with another person in how I didn't do anything wrong and got on his or her nerves! Well, the thing is they are communicating back with me and for the longest time I wasn't interested in playing games with them but only interested in getting along with them. I guess it's where it finally hits me that we're talking to each other, no matter how inappropriate it seems as long as words are being exchanged, it's still communicating.
I just love the stress I'm getting out of dealing with someone being obnoxious with me. I really enjoy just exchanging words back at them, however funny or burdensome it feels for me. The only thing I will never do though is make anything that's directly threatening them. I'm glad I was finally able to prove to my little sister that I was never really harassing her. I pretty much used a current story in the media to relate to our relationship, and I think my little sister didn't want to take it very well but she might sooner or later have no choice! This is so wonderful for me to work on and to even have a very annoying sister who responds like that to me, when I bring up a topic she's totally not into discussing about. I just love finding a way to a happy solution and also wasting time on these matters. It's so fun to me, but the one thing that will keep me pursuing someone is if he or she behaves a certain manner that affects other people. In this case, I'll just move on.
I just love the stress I'm getting out of dealing with someone being obnoxious with me. I really enjoy just exchanging words back at them, however funny or burdensome it feels for me. The only thing I will never do though is make anything that's directly threatening them. I'm glad I was finally able to prove to my little sister that I was never really harassing her. I pretty much used a current story in the media to relate to our relationship, and I think my little sister didn't want to take it very well but she might sooner or later have no choice! This is so wonderful for me to work on and to even have a very annoying sister who responds like that to me, when I bring up a topic she's totally not into discussing about. I just love finding a way to a happy solution and also wasting time on these matters. It's so fun to me, but the one thing that will keep me pursuing someone is if he or she behaves a certain manner that affects other people. In this case, I'll just move on.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Acting While Disconcerted
I'm getting these restless feelings to just go out and do something; yet, I feel highly unmotivated sometimes and just want to sit there and do nothing. I guess that's why it's called putting a lot of personal effort to become successful. Sometimes, the feelings are not going to be in a right accord with the mind; therefore, the heart is going to need to will the body and mind forward.
What I'm going to do now is just to do the best as I can and not repeat the same mistakes again. I'm going to self-assess a situation that I think is good and then leave it behind if it's not what I really had in mind of doing. This is one of the hardest things for me to do, which is letting go of something I put a lot of thought and effort into hoping would work out.
It's time to use the big picture for me and to let that pretty much be the instantaneous and defining moments of my life. I desire so much to be able to keep pushing through even when I'm very sleepy and to have the ability to keep on learning and putting in a great effort to take advantage of a successful opportunity.
What I'm going to do now is just to do the best as I can and not repeat the same mistakes again. I'm going to self-assess a situation that I think is good and then leave it behind if it's not what I really had in mind of doing. This is one of the hardest things for me to do, which is letting go of something I put a lot of thought and effort into hoping would work out.
It's time to use the big picture for me and to let that pretty much be the instantaneous and defining moments of my life. I desire so much to be able to keep pushing through even when I'm very sleepy and to have the ability to keep on learning and putting in a great effort to take advantage of a successful opportunity.
Just Considering Who
There are a lot of good ideas popping out of my head, and there's only so much time that we all have during the day. I think the best plan for me is to prepare myself just in case it's time for me to jump into a relationship. What I'm really going to need to do is just put in a little effort to go out there more and understand my own personal reasons and the needs of others while I'm just constantly learning while being rejected by countless girls. I think I should try asking out the women I think are really more worthwhile to me in getting to know. However, it looks like of all my life, I haven't really found anyone perfectly suited for me.
I guess being appealed to a girl's pretty appearance really threw me off for awhile, but now with a little bit bigger mind, it doesn't really get to me that much anymore. I guess a lady who hasn't really had that big of a crazy or weird past, while being absolutely healthy with hardly any health issues while having a personality that I can really enjoy being around and be attracted to would be the type of girl I want to fall in love with.
Other than that, I am down to hang out with just about any girl I meet; I don't care about judging someone's appearance but going out with someone pretty is sort of a confidence booster for me, to be honest! I want to seriously try to go after a girl who appeals to me and not really mind if she ends up rejecting me.
I guess being appealed to a girl's pretty appearance really threw me off for awhile, but now with a little bit bigger mind, it doesn't really get to me that much anymore. I guess a lady who hasn't really had that big of a crazy or weird past, while being absolutely healthy with hardly any health issues while having a personality that I can really enjoy being around and be attracted to would be the type of girl I want to fall in love with.
Other than that, I am down to hang out with just about any girl I meet; I don't care about judging someone's appearance but going out with someone pretty is sort of a confidence booster for me, to be honest! I want to seriously try to go after a girl who appeals to me and not really mind if she ends up rejecting me.
Laying Insecurities Aside
From my experience of having brought in the A's and achieving some physical moment that I feel good about like losing a lot of weight, it's really been about toughing it out during the indiscernible moments of indecision and insecurities. If I pulled through those times, then what I was struggling to become started to feel more like second nature.
I'm pretty much saying that no matter what's going on the inside and no matter how it feels like things are dragging you down, you really have to just stay consistent with what you're working at in order to achieve the good prize you have been longing to get. Of course, it's easy to become really immature all of a sudden and then start feeling really impatient and impulsive about getting somewhere and then ending up all over the place.
I think it's really all about focusing on the more important things first and accepting where your shortcomings are and then doing the best you can to overcome those obstacles.
I'm pretty much saying that no matter what's going on the inside and no matter how it feels like things are dragging you down, you really have to just stay consistent with what you're working at in order to achieve the good prize you have been longing to get. Of course, it's easy to become really immature all of a sudden and then start feeling really impatient and impulsive about getting somewhere and then ending up all over the place.
I think it's really all about focusing on the more important things first and accepting where your shortcomings are and then doing the best you can to overcome those obstacles.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Sweet Revelations
I'm not currently fully focused on this blog right now because I'm listening to a track right now. Essentially, I'm trying to write while setting it on auto-pilot and listening to something at the same time. This is after all my own free time. I've finally learned and came to accept that I've done nothing wrong to a weird and crazy group that I've been revisiting over and over again. However, I can't really do anything about it because the majority of them no longer occupy the place they were at. In other words, I can't really reach them to settle things down with them anymore. Oh well, you win some and lose some.
I'm understanding how I could develop some persuasive and communication skills with these people. I was frustrated a great deal from not understanding how to resolve the problem. I took it upon myself to become a solution-orientated person; what I believe to be an ideal solution is where both sides become happy! I'm a very finicky and demanding person when it comes to the realm of feelings. For the longest time, I felt diffident from feeling that I wronged this crazy group but now, I realize that I didn't anything wrong to them. If I did something really wrong, then the law would have got involved by now and I never broke any law; despite their attempts to get me in trouble with police, I never went to jail. With their assertions, they are wrong about the whole thing; it's just their own preferences of desiring to feel insecure and something being problematic, while there really isn't any problem to begin with. Therefore, with me trying to bring it into their attention, I'm not really doing anything wrong.
No matter what others tell me now, I know the situation more than anyone now and how I didn't do anything wrong. I was just afraid of lashing out at these people and feeling bad about it because that's what I have traditionally done. However, my involvement with them initially wasn't really problematic at the beginning; they can't really confirm it with concrete evidence and are only going based off of hearsay. Basically, with the crazy people who already left, I can't do anything about it and hope they turn it around mentally eventually even if it's a lost cause now; it's beyond my power to change their insanity now.
No one really cares about them ideally in the sense of the big picture. The law isn't going to change for them and because of what they thought and how the majority really acts, they were just being crazy and abnormal with me. No one really cares about how crazy they were being too or that's how it really seems now. I'm ready to move on and I'm no longer bothered by those people who left but with the ones, who still occupy the location, I think I can improve my persuasive and communication skills with them until they also decide to run away from me. I now am fully confident with everything I am doing, I am not doing anything wrong and they are just bringing up false and misleading judgments about me.
The challenge I made to them to prove they were crazy is very ballsy. I told them if I'm doing anything wrong so much to the point they can't handle it and think I'm doing wrong, then have them send me to authority; otherwise, they are just being crazy with me the way they just are at the moment. Since nothing bad happened to me, they are totally being stupid and crazy with me. Also, it shows that the world in the big picture doesn't really care for them and that they want to be stuck in their comfort zone without expanding it.
I'm understanding how I could develop some persuasive and communication skills with these people. I was frustrated a great deal from not understanding how to resolve the problem. I took it upon myself to become a solution-orientated person; what I believe to be an ideal solution is where both sides become happy! I'm a very finicky and demanding person when it comes to the realm of feelings. For the longest time, I felt diffident from feeling that I wronged this crazy group but now, I realize that I didn't anything wrong to them. If I did something really wrong, then the law would have got involved by now and I never broke any law; despite their attempts to get me in trouble with police, I never went to jail. With their assertions, they are wrong about the whole thing; it's just their own preferences of desiring to feel insecure and something being problematic, while there really isn't any problem to begin with. Therefore, with me trying to bring it into their attention, I'm not really doing anything wrong.
No matter what others tell me now, I know the situation more than anyone now and how I didn't do anything wrong. I was just afraid of lashing out at these people and feeling bad about it because that's what I have traditionally done. However, my involvement with them initially wasn't really problematic at the beginning; they can't really confirm it with concrete evidence and are only going based off of hearsay. Basically, with the crazy people who already left, I can't do anything about it and hope they turn it around mentally eventually even if it's a lost cause now; it's beyond my power to change their insanity now.
No one really cares about them ideally in the sense of the big picture. The law isn't going to change for them and because of what they thought and how the majority really acts, they were just being crazy and abnormal with me. No one really cares about how crazy they were being too or that's how it really seems now. I'm ready to move on and I'm no longer bothered by those people who left but with the ones, who still occupy the location, I think I can improve my persuasive and communication skills with them until they also decide to run away from me. I now am fully confident with everything I am doing, I am not doing anything wrong and they are just bringing up false and misleading judgments about me.
The challenge I made to them to prove they were crazy is very ballsy. I told them if I'm doing anything wrong so much to the point they can't handle it and think I'm doing wrong, then have them send me to authority; otherwise, they are just being crazy with me the way they just are at the moment. Since nothing bad happened to me, they are totally being stupid and crazy with me. Also, it shows that the world in the big picture doesn't really care for them and that they want to be stuck in their comfort zone without expanding it.
Appreciating Discipline
I'm starting to see how the little effort I put into something will seriously make a helpful impact, such as brushing and flossing my teeth on a daily basis. It only takes a few minutes each day while I'm practically 3/4 asleep after coming home from work at night. I work the 2nd shift from about 2 to 11 pm; the days feel like it drags sometimes because the work isn't really what I have in mind of doing for the rest of my life but I really just want to learn a lot and help out. I can't complain because it brings in a paycheck and my work ethic of being on-time has become very strong!
The discipline of doing something everyday I have set my mind to doing is basically building upon myself, even though it becomes a little uncomfortable sometimes. I'm starting to not feel so sheepish anymore from doing the stuff I really enjoy doing. I just need to keep a strong impression on myself and to stay committed. I guess I want to be committed to a lot of things and sometimes, I have been just sitting there watching T.V. It's a little better these days from playing my piano and working out on a daily basis, but I want to keep adding on and improving onto things now.
The discipline of doing something everyday I have set my mind to doing is basically building upon myself, even though it becomes a little uncomfortable sometimes. I'm starting to not feel so sheepish anymore from doing the stuff I really enjoy doing. I just need to keep a strong impression on myself and to stay committed. I guess I want to be committed to a lot of things and sometimes, I have been just sitting there watching T.V. It's a little better these days from playing my piano and working out on a daily basis, but I want to keep adding on and improving onto things now.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Getting Very Quiet Responses
I think I have some really good buddies who are guys and maybe just one girl. It's actually pretty cool. I don't know what I'm really fretting about lately but the things that are going on my head are actually a little abnormal! Wow, I think I'm really putting up a pretty egotistical blog and maybe, I was never really aware of it all this time. I don't even attract any actual normal responses from anyone. I'm just not anyone special whose just doing his own thing.
This is how I feel I really am in this world. I am leading a life that is very different from what normally attracts people. I don't really get in anyone's way, but there was a weird group who tried to get in my way for not liking something about me and then absolutely trying to make me feel bad while going on trying to live their own happy lives. Consequently, I guess with the way things have been for them; they practically don't hang together anymore. In a way, I am convinced now that I did absolutely nothing wrong to them; neither did I really annoy them. It's because they were just being crazy.
This is how I feel I really am in this world. I am leading a life that is very different from what normally attracts people. I don't really get in anyone's way, but there was a weird group who tried to get in my way for not liking something about me and then absolutely trying to make me feel bad while going on trying to live their own happy lives. Consequently, I guess with the way things have been for them; they practically don't hang together anymore. In a way, I am convinced now that I did absolutely nothing wrong to them; neither did I really annoy them. It's because they were just being crazy.
Not Caring About Rejection
Okay, I'm starting to get used to those mushy feelings one would get at the fear of being rejected. I can take the pain and know that if the girl of my liking doesn't want to be with me then I'm not going to hold it against her no matter how much I love her. I guess when one is truly in love then he or she would want the other person to be happy; otherwise, maybe it was love based on conditional factors.
One of my friends felt betrayed and had his heart-broken when a girl he liked initiated a relationship with him but then decided to go to another man later. If it were to happen to me then no matter how hurt I was, I would do my best to get over it and not keep me from staying positive. Actually, I prefer trying to date women who would be very upfront about what they don't like about me before they tried to end the relationship. That's pretty much the best way I can think of to learn about what type of person I really am.
One of my friends felt betrayed and had his heart-broken when a girl he liked initiated a relationship with him but then decided to go to another man later. If it were to happen to me then no matter how hurt I was, I would do my best to get over it and not keep me from staying positive. Actually, I prefer trying to date women who would be very upfront about what they don't like about me before they tried to end the relationship. That's pretty much the best way I can think of to learn about what type of person I really am.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Being Committed To Right Places
I think it makes a lot of sense to be committed to something a person likes doing. It's really rough sometimes when the timing just isn't right or if the person just isn't that good at it. I guess I wasn't really born with any superb talent, neither am I fully capable of being God. I think it's just better for me to start thinking about my actions and committing to them before things are too late. Instead of delaying, I should just get right into what I'm setting out to do and accept the consequences even if it's not the best thing for me.
I want to flow with movement and do everything very smoothly as possible. I guess I'm going to have to rely a little bit on natural emotions now and go from there. Let's see where I go from there now.
I want to flow with movement and do everything very smoothly as possible. I guess I'm going to have to rely a little bit on natural emotions now and go from there. Let's see where I go from there now.
Finding What You Love To Do
Repeating some actions are starting to get really old. I don't really want to give into them anymore. I would rather spend my time doing something else now. Possibly surely by playing a number's game, things might actually pan out really well in the end. Through diligence and putting in a lot of effort, I think those are the things that matter so much more.
What I'm really grateful for is having found a very simple answer from a good person. It's what I really needed, and I don't know how that person was able to reach down into my heart and impart some good words to me. I guess it's by fate that God might have allowed or something with us having similar personalities and outlook. What she reminded me is that I should be looking for a solution instead of focusing on the problem. I really like that mindset and that's how I'm really going to go after living my life, so I can move forward.
What I'm really grateful for is having found a very simple answer from a good person. It's what I really needed, and I don't know how that person was able to reach down into my heart and impart some good words to me. I guess it's by fate that God might have allowed or something with us having similar personalities and outlook. What she reminded me is that I should be looking for a solution instead of focusing on the problem. I really like that mindset and that's how I'm really going to go after living my life, so I can move forward.
Monday, November 4, 2013
Going After Opportunities That Make Sense
I believe that I will have the most passion in a job that will let me get my feet wet with the medical field. I'm not saying I want to become a nurse, but I would prefer becoming a physician's assistant. Time is ticking, so I'm going to have start attempting to jump on the band wagon as much as possible now. Another thing that I believe I can work a pretty decent level of professional talent is the I.T. industry. Right now, I think the best opportunity to train myself in is really in the network engineering category. I do prefer programming, but I'm not motivated enough to stick with my own personal ideas on what I should program. I think I can guarantee myself some interviews for a networking consultant job, so might as well go for that direction because more interviews and practice of gaining knowledge in the field will increase the chances of obtaining a job!
What I have as a last resort is pretty much a grinder's job, but it works. I could drive a freight truck around the nation because I have a license for it already from a leading company in the industry with the experience to pass an on-the-road test! Man, it feels good. Because I'm in the family business these days at another company, it's a little bit easier on the home time. I will definitely see a boost in my income on auto-pilot if I could pull off learning another foreign language, so I'm going to make the effort for that and who knows, I might meet someone special there too.
The principles I'm going to stick to is pretty simple. I'm going to concentrate on the stuff that makes sense for me and leave out the excess that's taking away my time especially for making a living- I'm not going to be an online gambler in other words anymore; what I hate about it, is having to spend the time grinding it out and having to deal with the stress of losing large sums of money. If I'm going to waste my money, then might as well be for attempting to find leisure like a dating site or something. My preference for investing on the side is really going to be for stuff that I could just set up and let it do the work for me; I'm going to not mind the hard work I put into it to reach that state of professionalism now. I have enough money to burn supposedly now with the offerings that are out there! No refund after a trial means no go to me now, and I don't care about breaking those hearts who want to help me so badly in getting success now.
Basically, with my time the stuff I'm going after for a living is network engineering in the I.T. field and to become a physician's assistant with added bonuses like learning another foreign language. For a side business, I'm going for low maintenance of a business website and commercial ads I put up while doing very little at investing in stocks, but right now I'm just specialized in currency trading. Yes, I am all over the place and can't help myself. I think the reason for a system that works on its own is the reason why I love programming software so much too.
What I have as a last resort is pretty much a grinder's job, but it works. I could drive a freight truck around the nation because I have a license for it already from a leading company in the industry with the experience to pass an on-the-road test! Man, it feels good. Because I'm in the family business these days at another company, it's a little bit easier on the home time. I will definitely see a boost in my income on auto-pilot if I could pull off learning another foreign language, so I'm going to make the effort for that and who knows, I might meet someone special there too.
The principles I'm going to stick to is pretty simple. I'm going to concentrate on the stuff that makes sense for me and leave out the excess that's taking away my time especially for making a living- I'm not going to be an online gambler in other words anymore; what I hate about it, is having to spend the time grinding it out and having to deal with the stress of losing large sums of money. If I'm going to waste my money, then might as well be for attempting to find leisure like a dating site or something. My preference for investing on the side is really going to be for stuff that I could just set up and let it do the work for me; I'm going to not mind the hard work I put into it to reach that state of professionalism now. I have enough money to burn supposedly now with the offerings that are out there! No refund after a trial means no go to me now, and I don't care about breaking those hearts who want to help me so badly in getting success now.
Basically, with my time the stuff I'm going after for a living is network engineering in the I.T. field and to become a physician's assistant with added bonuses like learning another foreign language. For a side business, I'm going for low maintenance of a business website and commercial ads I put up while doing very little at investing in stocks, but right now I'm just specialized in currency trading. Yes, I am all over the place and can't help myself. I think the reason for a system that works on its own is the reason why I love programming software so much too.
Using Hard Work Properly
Right now with the situation I am and being considerably a young adult, I'm getting feelings of wanting to settle down with a good person. I have a lot that I need to still work on with myself, but it feels like all I really have to do is just flip the switch and keep it left on. My anxiety and panic attacks really kept me from excelling at anything, but I had the brains and determination to slide by a few corners and still manage to do enough to get by.
I notice that when I least expect it in certain places, I get these opportunities that I tend to overlook. Like there was this beautiful girl who came into my life, okay, it probably happened about four times already but I sort of turned them all down because I had too much anxiety within myself. I don't know what it is but sometimes from being so anti-social for awhile and then trying to work at becoming social again without offending anyone will turn on some females I guess. Maybe, I'm just not cut out yet to be married but I did start casual dating which isn't really anything but just strangers hanging out with each other and spilling whatever needs to be said. I've met some pretty weird females that way, but yeah, they were nice enough to tell me their life stories and answer a few personal questions without feeling offended which is what I liked a lot!
I notice that when I least expect it in certain places, I get these opportunities that I tend to overlook. Like there was this beautiful girl who came into my life, okay, it probably happened about four times already but I sort of turned them all down because I had too much anxiety within myself. I don't know what it is but sometimes from being so anti-social for awhile and then trying to work at becoming social again without offending anyone will turn on some females I guess. Maybe, I'm just not cut out yet to be married but I did start casual dating which isn't really anything but just strangers hanging out with each other and spilling whatever needs to be said. I've met some pretty weird females that way, but yeah, they were nice enough to tell me their life stories and answer a few personal questions without feeling offended which is what I liked a lot!
Avoiding Wasting Time
I think everybody needs to have something they could work on consistently and be very passionate about. This activity should also be able to provide for a family and be ethically legal. I'm talking about a job where a person could wake up and feel passionate about doing every day and have no problems with. I understand that most people have setbacks and won't be lucky enough to get to that position right away. This is why I believe that most of us start out roughnecking with any position we could get our hands and feet wet on.
With my parents emphasizing me not to work at all and just focus on studies and to tell me that I don't need real world experience while studying at a well-recognized school was not really the best advice I could get. I really regret listening to some of my parent's advice because I thought they really knew best. They are also weird at times and act like they can't get along with each other while behaving like little kids. Yet, they manage to turn into adults and stay together still. I am naturally ticked off thinking about how my mom was bossing me around because her advice didn't naturally increase my own welfare. I just have this tendency to submit to others' will without caring for my own future sometimes, and I think that's what leads to my downfall with them. Not like it had to matter so much because the bigger picture is what we were refusing to see all this time.
I think I'm born to fight for a position in being a leader of some people's lives who want to influence me in their own right image. This would mean that I have to really up my game by actually investing my time in figuring out things that actually do make sense and benefit mostly everyone.
With my parents emphasizing me not to work at all and just focus on studies and to tell me that I don't need real world experience while studying at a well-recognized school was not really the best advice I could get. I really regret listening to some of my parent's advice because I thought they really knew best. They are also weird at times and act like they can't get along with each other while behaving like little kids. Yet, they manage to turn into adults and stay together still. I am naturally ticked off thinking about how my mom was bossing me around because her advice didn't naturally increase my own welfare. I just have this tendency to submit to others' will without caring for my own future sometimes, and I think that's what leads to my downfall with them. Not like it had to matter so much because the bigger picture is what we were refusing to see all this time.
I think I'm born to fight for a position in being a leader of some people's lives who want to influence me in their own right image. This would mean that I have to really up my game by actually investing my time in figuring out things that actually do make sense and benefit mostly everyone.
Personal Earnings Theory
This is pretty much how I'm thinking of functioning. For a business model, I like what's called a set and go model. I'm not really a finicky type person and don't really want to hang around while watching profits soar into my account. I would rather let the system of my choosing do the work for me while I go off on doing something else. I guess this is what I could call my side business. Reaching this set and go model which is pretty much earning money on auto-pilot is sort of like putting in twenty years of hard work and then living off a decent pension. What I have been missing all this time is discerning where I should put my money into. I'm now giving myself into a little trial and error just like everybody else interested does.
Having no full time job back then made it so difficult because my mind was not very stable and comfortable about doing some risky side businesses. It was very hard for me to even keep myself motivated. I'm passed all of that now and at least exceeding end's meet by a little with where I'm at. I'm still not satisfied with myself though, so I'm going after putting in the work needed to reap the auto-pilot rewards. I guess that would make sense then for a normal person.
Having no full time job back then made it so difficult because my mind was not very stable and comfortable about doing some risky side businesses. It was very hard for me to even keep myself motivated. I'm passed all of that now and at least exceeding end's meet by a little with where I'm at. I'm still not satisfied with myself though, so I'm going after putting in the work needed to reap the auto-pilot rewards. I guess that would make sense then for a normal person.
Not Very Well Recognized
I think the whole restraining order thing got me some notoriety or something. I am about getting along with people, so now that I see it, I'm actually okay being a person in their life who comes around and makes everybody else laugh at the person. No, I'm serious about not giving into my own anger problems and letting those feelings go.
Still, I have friends I can go to. I also have the liberty to search and join new clubs. With the exception of a one crazy group of friends I should have taken notice of right away, I have usually fared okay around people. The reason why I fell out is because I didn't commit myself to getting along with others back then. I was just fed up and tired of myself and exhausted from not being able to develop myself in a manner that I wanted. It was really just all about me back then.
I don't know how I transformed into a normal person again, but definitely, I'm a little wiser than before in my decisions. I still make tiny mistakes with myself over and over again, but I'm discovering where my potential lies hold at.
Still, I have friends I can go to. I also have the liberty to search and join new clubs. With the exception of a one crazy group of friends I should have taken notice of right away, I have usually fared okay around people. The reason why I fell out is because I didn't commit myself to getting along with others back then. I was just fed up and tired of myself and exhausted from not being able to develop myself in a manner that I wanted. It was really just all about me back then.
I don't know how I transformed into a normal person again, but definitely, I'm a little wiser than before in my decisions. I still make tiny mistakes with myself over and over again, but I'm discovering where my potential lies hold at.
Message For Unintelligent Facebook Friends
I wrote this message to a girl I supposedly like as a friend. I'm just getting my point across now because even though I get angry and sensitive, my heart is about getting along with people so that overrides everything. This is my message I sent to her while posing as a female. I don't know, I can create multiple Facebook accounts, but I opted to have a cute female for my profile just to mess around. The message is as follows:
Hey, I know you are rooming with someone. I know that you are going to show this message to some people. I don't know who, but judging you, you are going to do that, so if I'm predicting right about your behavior, then it means I know you in an okay manner. It's only taking me a minute to write this and five minutes to check for proper grammar. You have me blocked on Facebook so might as well joke around until you get scared for the smallest reasons because you probably will become obnoxious like that. With me calling you and asking you out, talking to you, or trying to do something like take pictures with you and telling you how I thought Washington was being a dog and an idiot doesn't mean I hate you and want to hurt you. It's quite the opposite.
Man, you are not so bright with your ADHD which you said and man, you stress out so much sometimes. You are a girl and quite annoying to me like the way you are right now, but I'm about getting along with everybody so those bad feelings I have, I don't give into them. This is how I know I'm pretty above average in the part of getting along with people. I am better than you in that I have removed 0 friends and blocked 0 friends who I have on my Facebook list of friends. You have at least probably blocked out a dozen. You have with me, so that means I can confirm I'm better than you by at least one. With the thought of getting along with you, you aren't the worst of the bunch and in fact, I like you as a friend so hope to cross paths with you someday. Maybe, I'll be recording your obnoxious responses with me and put it up on YouTube or something so everyone else can coach themselves how to handle crazy girls, even though you don't think you are being crazy at the moment. Who knows?
Hey, I know you are rooming with someone. I know that you are going to show this message to some people. I don't know who, but judging you, you are going to do that, so if I'm predicting right about your behavior, then it means I know you in an okay manner. It's only taking me a minute to write this and five minutes to check for proper grammar. You have me blocked on Facebook so might as well joke around until you get scared for the smallest reasons because you probably will become obnoxious like that. With me calling you and asking you out, talking to you, or trying to do something like take pictures with you and telling you how I thought Washington was being a dog and an idiot doesn't mean I hate you and want to hurt you. It's quite the opposite.
Man, you are not so bright with your ADHD which you said and man, you stress out so much sometimes. You are a girl and quite annoying to me like the way you are right now, but I'm about getting along with everybody so those bad feelings I have, I don't give into them. This is how I know I'm pretty above average in the part of getting along with people. I am better than you in that I have removed 0 friends and blocked 0 friends who I have on my Facebook list of friends. You have at least probably blocked out a dozen. You have with me, so that means I can confirm I'm better than you by at least one. With the thought of getting along with you, you aren't the worst of the bunch and in fact, I like you as a friend so hope to cross paths with you someday. Maybe, I'll be recording your obnoxious responses with me and put it up on YouTube or something so everyone else can coach themselves how to handle crazy girls, even though you don't think you are being crazy at the moment. Who knows?
Friday, November 1, 2013
Truth About My Restraining Order From A Friend
Wanted to just fit in. I got mad because he was talking trash in a bitter voice about people in general. Wanted to still fit in, so I stayed quiet. He told me I was cool. He gave me a good job that was really stressful. I was being yelled at by people I called. I was in a bad mood. I was there for awhile; he made fun of my work performance. I proved him wrong; he got a bonus for having referred me after six months. I went to church with another good friend. He's a good friend but not super slick with the right girl yet.
The friend at work told me he didn't want drama at the church. I didn't understand him- what drama? I kept doing my thing; he complained again about drama at the church. I became angry and wrote him off on a new blog but made him still look good. I covered my anger by making him look good. He kept on saying drama at the church and getting more worse. I was always like what drama? I wrote to the people at the church, only about five nice people at the time. He said that it was all over and to stop talking to him. I was like what's going on?
Next thing the other good friend became a mediator. The good friend told me the friend at work was calming down. I made a mistake, I called him and left a bad message. The friend at work started losing it and said everything was ironic about me. I acted like nothing happened and everything would go away. He gave me a great job. Everything I do, I will make him look good. That's what I do for people who helped me out, I do the best for them.
The good friend who was mediator chose my side more. It made the friend at work very angry. The friend at work said he was no longer friends with my good friend. I became very angry, a 10 out of 10. Nobody is supposed to dump another friend because of hating me. I drove to his house, the roommate's girlfriend brought him out. He came out with tears on his face. I gave a dirty look to him; he turned around and went back to his room. I just stood there and was like what? He came back out again with the phone on his ear; I was like big deal. He slowly walked back to his room and then I chased after him. He sped up, went to his room, and then locked his door. I was like dang it! I yelled and said "Don't ever talk about me again!" He didn't listen. Roommate was laughing and going like what's going on? I left the house.
Few days later, cop shows up and hands restraining order to me. I was so sad, felt so guilty, was like I did something wrong. I felt the worst like I made a horrible mistake. I knew I would beat him in court, but I didn't want to win. He gave me a job; I had to make him look good. I wanted to fit in with everybody. I was like let him do whatever he wants. I believed he would stop the restraining order; he didn't and went on laughing with his business. I was crushed and devastated.
On the day, it officially started, I bought him a nice gift and card and put it on his desk. He was smiling at me. He looked at the message- it was a bad message. His face turned sour. He came running to my cubicle and slammed the gift onto the desk. He said in a loud and agitated voice, "Keep everything work-related!" That's all the court order said, "Keep it work-related."
He had to work with me one day. In my head, I was like no way, I can't talk to you and go away. He left messages saying pretty please and to do something for him. I was like no in my head! I finally sent him an e-mail and said be careful what pops out of the file. He got scared and couldn't work for a long time. He sent the e-mail to the manager. The manager said "Keep everything work-related!" I was like "Yes sir! Yes sir!" the whole time. The friend at work left one day; I felt bad after three more months. I had a friend who gave me a job. I had to make him look good. I had failed so bad. I was very depressed. My excuse to leave work was to continue education.
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