Let's see, when I'm usually walking on a hiking trail daily near my current home which is a privilege to experience, I seem to recall a lot of stuff I regret. I'm like "Oh shoot" each time I think about those crazy events that happened in my life. I'm starting to understand that I preferably conditioned myself to want some attention with people who were going through puberty haha- that's a tough thing to do. I picked humoring people because I liked the feeling of people laughing at my jokes- when I sometimes tried to perform them, those kids would just stare at me and be like "Oh really?" instead of laughing because I had a smart persona from being a decently well-known Asian at school and having black hair with thick glasses haha.
I'm realizing that most of my struggles were really about me not realizing something. Through noticing something about Sigmund Freud's theory on the Freudian slip and from the same guy's book on interpreting dreams, I believe that I was reinforcing myself into getting people to laugh sometimes but I was so nervous about it because I wasn't too sure what would invoke it and sometimes, I would make them laugh so hard with me not knowing what I said or did that caused them to become that way. Through these times, I believe that I did some things that were inappropriate and feel ashamed about them that all I really do is feel hard on myself. This cycle happens to this day for me. Now that I'm a little more aware of what I've been doing, I think I can let it grow and use it to obtain a greater good.
It's got to be all about loving others haha. Human love - like that song "All you need is love love love" is pretty catchy. Unfortunately, things don't always work out between people when it looked like things were going well for them. If I know this, then I guess the average person knows it too so why am I referring to it??? Is it because puppy love can sometimes blind people with the affection they give haha? Okay, love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Bottom line- agape love (greatest form of love that only a true God whose eternal and everlasting would be able to be perfect at) never fails.
I realize that Hope of God Church in Los Angeles is failing massively and going into a rut because they lack the concept of loving everyone. Without having love, you could have the greatest speeches in the world and still be considered a clanging cymbal that makes so much noise and distortion haha. I'm going to beat that church to the punch and go ahead of all of them who are part of it- I love each and every one of them even though the leaders over there really suck haha. I'm an average person, and many average people would have a better grasp of reality than some of those leaders haha. Go check it out if you want to haha. It's right off the 710 FWY- just right near the ghetto region of L.A. and features some pavement with some hills which are fun to ride down with a bike. I think that's more fun than listening to some of their sermons, but that's just me. Their Bible concepts are so out of place and seem to be out of whack too when I was there. I was literally just circling some of the verses they use, but they seem to not fully understand them because maybe, the Spirit of the Lord was not really with them at the time.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
