Who Am I Really Kidding?

I'm really somebody who can handle negativity really well in general from anybody. I'm just responding to them or supposedly bothering them which I don't really see as trying to hurt them just to humor myself. It doesn't matter if I'm not feeling confident about something or really bothered by some other incident. If I just do what I need to do, then I'm pretty much going to be fine eventually while being some sort of a leader. I feel like one of my strengths is really being able to do one-on-one interactions and building some rapport.

I feel the hardship already surrounding my life and know the humbling feeling. If I just give it my all, regardless of what I'm feeling, I'm usually fine in dealing with anything. Exhaustion, depression, fatigue, hunger, anger, passion, and anxiety are like all packed into one with me and when I just put into it all I've got, I sometimes catch the break that I was looking for. It's just being relentless and just being constant. It's okay to be a little intermittent in giving effort by trying to focus on some entertainment to relax every once in awhile. I guess it's okay to try to relax and then switch back into the work hard mode when it's time to use it again.

Even though I try to be a legally bound citizen from following those rules and regulations set out by the government, I still feel free and independent. Some guy I know who felt like I was giving him a hard time must have been going through some depression- I didn't really see it at the time. I'm now dealing with girls at my age of 28, which is actually sort of nice for a change. I'm a really short man, around 5' 4" even though I smile and tell people I'm 5' 3".  Now that I think about it, it was pretty cool for that one guy who could be diagnosed with being clinically depressed to try to legally represent me as a really fat guy who weighed 200 pounds and was only 5' 1". Yeah, I would use that weight to sit on top of him like an immature jerk! I honestly wish my body was about at least proportionately 6 inches taller, which is the only physical thing I would change about myself. One of my tall friends wished that he could transfer over some of his height to appease me. Despite this real difficulty in learning to just deal, I'm reminded how to put in the hard work and energy to get something jocular done dealing with others who really aren't all that great in actuality. There can really be only like one person at the top with anything to be considered great and the likelihood of me finding that person is picayune. More or less, it's pretty safe to assume that no one is really that awesome in this world including myself.