For the longest time I could be so sure that Webster's Dictionary never included the word cuss. Ever since I was a little kid in the elementary playground with other boys, I used to hear them say how nasty it was to stumble upon porno tapes. I remember laughing when a kid showed me a pornographic material. It was then when I was going through puberty that yeah, I couldn't get my hands full of feeling aroused so yeah, that was addictive and when I learned about masturbation that was ahh, so bad too. Today, I'm a celibate and still a virgin. I'm happy to be one and feel like I have something to really treasure losing in marriage to a very special lady.
Basically, the material that gets me to cuss in my personal daily walk is anything that I remember whether it was out of my hands or not and can be interpreted as embarrassing. It's that simple for me. I basically sucked and think that's embarrassing so I'm cussing away once a week sometimes. One of the things that's helped me to relieve this situation to cussing to past memories of being embarrassed is to just accept it and then laugh about my silly behaviors. Another thing is to just will myself to improve at whatever I want to do. It's pretty bad that I don't have a wife to indulge my sexual desires in, so it's been equally bad to try to substitute practicing love-making techniques all from just masturbation and watching porn.
Basically turning to Jesus and also praying about it helps out and choosing to honor the Lord from living in peace and joy from being filled by God's Holy Spirit is so wonderful! Overall, my kryptonite has been pride and resenting personal embarrassment.
I remember being liked by some cool kids. I was like what the heck! I had that competitive drive and feelings of not accepting defeat and just pushing forward. What was bad is that I loved being lazy from watching cartoons back then. I still like to on occasion, but the animated films I watch now are much more darker or sexier. I also like very funny shows too which is hard to get away from watching at times.
One of the things that I've noticed is that I'm so hard on myself and worried about how others might feel the same way with me. Another connection I've made is that when a person unfriended me on Facebook, later on I found out that dude can be such an annoying dork so he did me a favor of not wanting to bug me by removing me as a friend!
I really do want to get my priorities straightened out, so with the seven things I have in mind of doing, I'm going to have to make a "battle plan" for each one and then self-monitor myself through commitment to get there. This is all rooted on organizing my desires, so it only would make sense that I find methods of something I love doing to be happy and successful! One of the biggest observations I can confirm right now is that I was liked in general as a kid by nearly everybody because I was so hardworking in order to get straight A's and also tried to be always nice.
A kid had some issues with me and it really did screw me up emotionally, but I figure he just wanted to be a pest from being selfish about not wanting to let go of something and verbally attacking me about it. When I've been that way to others, I was trying to be nice about it but the people responded back rudely with me nearly every time. I could have gone off crazy with them which I did in college with about three individuals total and they were about two guys and a girl. I'm not really that much in contact with them any longer. I ended up being cool with them after lashing out several times. What I've noticed is that the people who were jerks with me and I was the same way to them to bother them back continuously, I stopped trying to lash out at them. The moment I showed a little sign of doing that- they made an annoying attack on my character from becoming insecure. They thought they were in control of everything, but in fact, it was always centered on me and I was working on myself through these valuable moments of learning. This is an area that I myself have done some work on and I've made some significant improvements lately and I'm really glad to be making progress but sad for my friends or dumb influential peers who are still acting like annoying people to me.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
