I have this bored, tortured feeling from waking up and trying to set myself aside some time to give into my daily routine. However, when I detract from it by playing Magic: the Gathering or surfing the web, then I forget about all my worries and troubles. It's only when I make myself aware of how much time I wasted, then I start feeling bad and want to rewind the clock again. Time isn't coming back, unless you invent a time machine. Why waste all this time trying to build one, when life is moving forward anyway?
I just need to take the initiative. That's really all there is to it. I'm not really thinking and only focused and engaged in playing Magic: the Gathering. I am like so plugged in, when I do it. It's a lot of guilty fun for me. Yet, I don't desire to become a professional with it so all of that excess energy spent playing it is to just have fun. It was the same thing for me in college, except I was playing Starcraft and watching downloaded movies with bad quality.
I guess the weakness all originates from not wanting to face my own personal doldrums of just sitting there and letting the hours go by painfully, while trying to accomplish something that I don't really have my heart set on doing. It was about graduating after taking a lot of boring college courses for me.
Because of this weakness and setting my mind on fun things to do, I'm losing track of my precious time to do things like working out everyday and reading the Bible. I basically just need to take the initiative even if I'm not feeling it. I just need to be more logically oriented in this manner with that being the pay-off is going to feel so much better later for me. I'm going to just try writing down everything that I should be doing as a priority and leave out the fun, while letting that just be a natural thing for me when I make a little time for it. I just need to have a little bit of fun each day, but enough to keep me refreshed and recharged.
Basically, just learning how to keep myself from going crazy while being mad at a person has helped put things back in perspective for me. It's a constant battle. I mean I deal with this annoying guy on a regular basis and I just don't overreact nor say anything. I make him mad by replying with something funny, which I share with his laughing brother. His method is really talking about something I don't understand and then just laughing. I was angry that he was laughing at me about something I don't understand, but then I just got used to it and brush it off. He wants to talk to me sometimes though, and I just get back at him by not saying anything. He is bothering me a lot less in frequency then I'm accustomed to these days.
