Being At Driver's Seat

Sometimes at any time, I get this ambivalent sensation where I could feel some worries or just have a common experience locked in my head for awhile. The reason I'm writing about it is because that's what I was feeling while I was lying down to sleep. I'm actually enjoying the buzz that comes from it because it feels like I'm really relaxing a lot easier because of it and noticing that something is actually satisfying me. Maybe, it's really a part of my calling to be the one calling the shots and having great responsibility with doing something or being the guy on the driver's seat. I'm no longer in the mood for chickening out over something that seems to be fitting for me- what I mean is that when these butterflies in my stomach form, it's actually helping me naturally to cope with any situation I get myself into. I'm pretty glad that I can write about how it's getting so much easier for me to literally relax now.

I guess dealing with how I'm a short man has been quite a rough ride- now I'm becoming bald too because of my ultra thinning hair so I pretty much gave myself a buzz cut and my family and friends seemed to not mind the extra short hair I've been walking around with. I think my head shape pretty much seems to accommodate a shaved head better than long hair. Okay, maybe if I turn bald and then shave my head, I'll look okay just that I need to avoid the sun by wearing a cap from time to time. I guess from growing up the depressing feelings of being short is not really bugging me anymore, and I'm still living out my capable life confidently. I'm only about 170 pounds right now for my diminutive height and friends don't seem to call me very overweight or anything- I think my broad torso sort of blocks out my creeping weight a little; I even try to tuck in my stomach to cover my belly from sticking out. I only have to lose 10 more pounds to look at my ideal weight and height, so I guess it's not that bad where I'm at- being a little on the heavy end for my size has been helpful in not getting so depressed. Honestly, I didn't know this but there are some pretty attractive women for being around 110 pounds and being shorter than me, and the times I've been around some of those cute ones, I wasn't really snubbed so maybe it might be okay to settle down with one of them or someone whose a little taller.