Not Being So Shy Anymore

I don't know what part of my male self is making me feel that I'm not going to be hurt with everybody making me feel rejected now. I guess I'm not going to be like a little kid and start nagging on this blog which I'm really bad at writing in. I think not being shy doesn't necessarily mean more social aggressiveness- I remember meeting a lady whose really gung-ho about stuff and man, some girls really do feel sensitive with you. I guess I don't pay attention that much to sensitive guys because I just walk around and strut and then just sort of try to get them to laugh now if they feel angry about something with me. Yeah, they might feel a little out of touch with reality after trying to deal with me, but I guess that's life.

I'm really just not shy and so uptight about stuff as I used to be, so that makes me be more mobile at a social standpoint now. It also doesn't bug me to have extremely tall female friends now- I might just walk around with a frown on my face following them, but that's just about it. I think those emotions don't limit me from thinking clearly now because I've learned to accept it as a part of me. Sometimes, I get carried away with some what ifs scenarios in my head of like what it would be like if I was a giant compared to everybody else and just needed to touch someone at the tip of my finger to make a big guy feel I'm physically hurting him. Maybe I would be so excited with a friend and pound a table while laughing and then it would break.

I guess I want to keep this blog absolutely for general audiences now, so it's going to be very hard to write in a classical and proprietary manner without feeling like gagging sometimes underneath. This also means that I have to limit the inappropriate stuff I want to be honest about which would literally gross some people out. I used to be like take no prisoners and going all out in blunt details. I guess it's a good thing to face everything good and bad in truth when you're going through a hard time and then doing it for awhile to help find some clarity. It's really helped, even though I occasionally still get this painful eye strain from feeling bothered by someone deleting me from his or her Facebook profile- it's really becoming not that serious to me now. In the process, I'm really gaining a sky high perspective and learning to enjoy myself wherever I'm at even if I'm not really participating over something fun with some people. I just don't feel left out anymore and literally I don't feel any pressure upon myself to behave a certain way. It really looks like my energy is leading me to search for a partner to possibly start a family with now. I think it all comes in time and learning to accept dealing with some insecurities the right way and having this sense of bonding securely.