Just Try Your Best

Basically, I'm living by one rule right now to combat the debt I owe. Don't use money, unless it is absolutely a must! A lot of time and money get wasted by investing in stuff that never get used anyway so why give into them to feed an anxiety when in the future it's not going to help anyway. I think I'll just think to myself that I owe $100,000 right now.

Okay, with debt piling up and how I will never default on my payments because I absolutely need my car, I have had a lot of time to think long and carefully on my journey to making a good living. Regaining confidence on my own without a soul mate to keep encouraging me or money to go see a therapist was tough, but not impossible. With the experience that I had for myself, as cheap the thrills were in going about trying to obtain money, I'm pretty much better off being labeled by employees as an absent-minded dork who won't get anything done right and so I have to be yelled at and cited for having a lack of positive energy and motivation and alienated from the job sector.

I have to pretty much do everything the hard way now. I'm going to be driving a school bus around to pick little kids up and take them to school and back home. That's the best I could do for myself right now and that's the situation I'm in. I tried to be a truck driver but the gear shifting in that thing and the thought of being away from home for so long on the road and lonely has been mentally challenging. My driving skills are pretty much on the upper tier of other drivers, and I'm considered to be a good driver for having about 10 years of perfect driving on my record- I had a lot of close calls but were able to dodge them with some success and cool on my end. I don't want to brag but I really avoided major accidents like avoiding getting smacked by another truck driver who didn't see me on his side and was lane changing while I was entering a one-lane curve on a highway with him. Man, I had to stop right in the middle of the ramp and was lucky the truck didn't phase and kill me! One time, I braked so hard and the car started skidding with very dim lighting in heavy traffic (downtown Los Angeles at night time on the worst freeway in the world) and I ended up avoiding a very bad collision to the back of another car- that was pure luck that there was space in the fast lane! For now on, I drive like a professional because I'm actually training to be one! Basically, I just go with the flow and can see everything ahead of me like 10-12 seconds and not cuss out drivers if they do something weird on the road. I should be smacking my forehead for being Asian, around other Asian drivers, and a good driver which is a contradiction.