Examining my life, I feel that it's all about the timing and putting it together properly to make something work. I may be exaggerating or not, but I feel like I had a lot of near misses because I just couldn't get passed my anxiety. Enough living in the shadows now for me, I'm still making preparations to have a rather depressing life. It feels like I would be missing out on a lot by keeping to myself the next couple years and that trying to get situated back into the human world would be extremely difficult. Probably the only ineffective tool I will have remaining could be this blog which I'm treating like my personal therapy session each time and just letting it out bravely with the world. I think I'm a guy who likes to live on the edge of things; always taking risks that I'm not so sure of sometimes and being ignorant about some things.
The reason why I feel like I'm going to be closed off for awhile is because I pretty much have no wife and have to settle for the worst-case scenario job in paying off my debts the quickest. I feel like I can't get any personal resolve out of having debts to still live by- therefore, I'd probably be a bad politician. I made some poor decisions that have been life-altering for me in terms of economic and social well-being. It's hurt my personal confidence quite a bit too and even though it's very overwhelming, I'm still pushing myself to fight through it. Maybe because it was ultimately my own doing, I'm pretty much stuck with myself!
It's just my personality and personal values that can't make me ignore some things about myself. I just can't run away from some things, so it might be better for me in the future to keep trying my best to avoid any temptations to do bad things in general. From everything I suffered through and which is mentally abrasive sometimes, I just gained confidence in myself now.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
