I personally have a lot of long term aspirations, but the hardest one has probably been trying to find the right lady to marry. From lacking in personal confidence with my appearances and not being fully at the level of satisfaction of making a comfortable living, I struggle sometimes. However, lately, I've been just going out there to try to have fun socializing with attractive ladies. It's not really that hard for me and how hot, intelligent actresses don't really entice me so much anymore, it's the easy part. Getting them to do things with me is more likely the hard part and finding that love connection which I'm hoping for someday. I'm really optimistic and happy about the thought of it happening someday.
I don't feel depressed anymore and it's like constantly on a high or just a level of feeling stressed temporarily. My ego is pretty strong, and I don't like how I'm wasting time while letting my mind act like a drone and seek after small, rewarding pleasures to pass off the time before I fall asleep. It's a cycle that I realize for myself and have always struggled with.
I need to do something about this unwanted cycle that I go through during my personal time. There's nothing wrong with it, but looking back at it today, I'm not satisfied and don't want to be complacent about it. In contrast, I know a buddy and can see on his face that he isn't happy. He does enjoy a good laugh though and will forget how unhappy his situation is for maybe a couple hours, if nothing else reminds him of it. He has definitely adopted escapism and in a way, I believe that most of us have. I'm not so much a fan of doing it for only myself.
I have goals to seek after, and it feels like if I write it out while also still chasing after the Lord then it's going to be all better. It's a belief I personally have and so far, I've been lucky over not receiving disastrous events. I might feel bad from getting conned and losing small stuff occasionally like spending my money on things I should know better. I also lost out on patching up relationships with people from taking a step back and trying to listen to others. They aren't that smart as it turns out and I think I still know better and can make it happen. The restraining orders seriously scared me a lot into doing my usual acts on those people who were mad at me. They are in denial and say they weren't mad, but I know what I did and can explain it and bring it up in their faces for them to try to deny more and in a way, this gets them to laugh. My secret weapon is causing them to laugh and then forcing them to realize from pressing really hard that it's not a big deal. After all, I've been lucky that it's not really a big deal with what caused the screwed up mess and no matter how much it angers me, it's been something for me to grow off of and to learn from and to keep on aspiring.
Yeah, I'm not doing anything really to get in trouble and can put myself in that spot with those crazy people complaining otherwise. I've been outsmarting them already from just being myself, and I've been told honestly by someone going crazy that she was really depressed about the situation. She picked the wrong side of being crazy and is regretting it while keeping a peaceful stance with me. She can't imagine getting spiteful there and was mad from looking at it stupid and misleading herself. I think this is what caused the restraining orders in the first place, and I didn't do my part to defend myself courageously because I was scared for my life back then. I still became crazy and did courageous things but like a stupid man I didn't think through how to keep it off of me. It's all my fault and I should have done better there and next time, if there is one with that crazy dumb lady again, I will perform a whole heck of a lot better and the way it should have been. I'm not looking for a third chance!
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
