Putting In The Effort

I'm realizing now that I have a lot of personal time and there's something I need to do for making the most out of those situations. I'm still listening to an audio Bible translation every time I drive places by myself. I tune in and out just like how it is whenever I visit church. I really feel like I have a potential ministry going and it could be a lot better, but it may never be that polished. I'm just going to be always that foolish and stubborn believer who is too chicken to do crazy bad things to land in jail and will always be that way, but at least I do something about it to the people who drive me crazy and I'm the one laughing about it now. They probably forgot about it and are putting their stupid focus on something else to be annoying. I'm not the right person to really cross because I end up trying to stay friends in the end, so better to always be nice with me!

With this personal time while driving and trying to tune into the Bible, I'm really addicted to thinking and laughing about the things I said or did that day. It's always silently thinking and then I also get these temporarily tantrums from thinking about the past and say a curse word or here loudly while the car is in motion and no one is riding with me. If there's a person around, I keep all my swear words in. I have been so mad and argued without ever saying a curse word and even winning the battle while the other person got scared of me. It happened to me at the last trip. Actually, I didn't battle with the people who put a restraining order on me. I was trying my best to be courteous and sort things out but they kept on being stupid with me. I should have battled with them and then I would be the one laughing without those unnecessary headaches. I felt so insecure back then and that's probably what caused me to lose out on the opportunity of beating them swiftly. It's really all my fault and I take responsibility with it, but next time, I will be playing at full difficulty level against them. It's like setting the CPU mode on master-level of a video game. I will make myself that type of opponent with those people, next time.

Okay, moving on, I want to eliminate waste from sitting there and doing useless things for entertainment when it's all by myself. I have people's company to go to and enjoy doing those things with. I don't really want to come home and turn on the TV anymore. I want to get other things done and even keep doing this while I'm feeling worn out, tired, annoyed, and misguided by my feelings. I'm just going to have to practice self-denial of the flesh and trade it in for maintaining a better life and finding that satisfaction with marrying a beautiful and noble woman.