I have this weird idea that when a past antagonist reads this blog and she doesn't like something I put or arousing suspicion from becoming paranoid, I'm going to be seeing some cops driving around my vicinity. It's like there's no coincidence and I could be staring straight at cops while their car is passing me while driving on the road. I don't think cops like it too much either when they notice I'm giving them that look something is suspicious about them too.
I have learned to speak up and even if it means I'm going to be implicitly making fun of the people who are against me at that moment. It's been so silly and I've been so frustrated because I want to be friends and keep on trying to get there but their minds might still be in the wrong place. I'm dealing with people who came up with paranoid ideas on their own and I'm calling it malarkey because I'm only 5 feet 3.5 inches. I think a short guy like me can't be that scary so I think they were thinking stupid the whole time and being about whining. They tried to do the worst punishment possible to me and couldn't get away with it. They were being petty, so in that regards I'm lucky. I'm weird and crazy in that I still want to be friends with them.
The hardest part from having these crazy feelings of wanting to stay friends is that I will have to speak up and talk about how I think they are stupid and give examples for others to hear about that would be embarrassing for them. I don't want to do this, but it looks like I'm going to be having to resort to this because I just want to speak the truth while being frustrated about this. If they can't handle it, then I guess I can say that I'm better than them and there are way better people out there and more successful than they are and that I'm one of those living people who are among them.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
