I think a big portion of coming to a personal epiphany really deals with allowing oneself to be vulnerable as scary as that seems from opening up about yourself. There's a defensive barrier that we all carry which could maybe be shielded by pride for guys and or from not wanting to risk getting into some conflict with jerks because of how you feel for women. I went to a meetup where all these ladies who are strangers to me opened up about how their relationships suck and how they react to them. It was good information personally and I was in the mood for smiling because it really makes sense and backs up something I read about dating women.
I just spent the first part of this entry trying to explain the benefits of allowing oneself to be susceptible to offending people and having them go off on you like repeatedly jumping and screeching monkeys from telling the truth. It first of all benefits you with a peace of mind and then secondly, you can rip back at those people if you so desire from finding fault about them reacting badly to the truth and the past which already happened. If you want to be combative in a stance with them going on the offensive, you can seriously finish them off and all because you just told the truth. It's morally speaking that powerful and useful.
It also can feel so embarrassing talking about my small problems and not feel good being laughed at while telling the truth. This is something I struggle with personally, but from opening myself up and letting me be vulnerable to my own mean side, I've learned to laugh and continue to persevere while keeping myself in high hopes.
A goal I have in mind of doing is putting in some extra work on myself after I'm home from a long day of work. I haven't been able to do it because sometimes, I might just turn on the TV or even look for entertaining things to occupy my time. It's not something I'm too proud about and want to limit myself by exercising enough discipline and getting going with fulfilling my taxing dreams. I'm becoming well aware of it but I'm still too slow to put myself into action, and it pretty much ends the day for me. I even want to take a shower before going to bed and I fail at doing that too often. I want to take care of my hygiene for maintaining good personal appearance that I've come to like and can attract pretty good feedback from others.
I'm trying to balance out my time to appease my maintenance goals but I end up disregarding them and going after reading about or watching entertaining things because it's easy and relaxing for me. Looking at it now, I'm not pretty happy about this lifestyle. I would like to put in extra work because I want to get further in life, along with these long hours I'm working at a company. I'm working at least ten hours a day and only getting paid a standard salary. The company isn't too bad in the workload for me though. I'm spending my days with some downtime and trying to maximize it so I could achieve even more greatness for my career. There is work for me to do and it did feel like it's wearing me out, but I see that it's a stepping stone for me to get to places.
I just need to find a way to put all my goals and fun activities together now when I'm off work. In an essence, I need to find the balance and this is what I'm striving after. I have the confidence now and don't mind putting a lot of time into something. I'm not so much stressing out about how hard something is but rather annoyed sometimes that it's not working out but dealing with those emotions, it always feels good to come up with a good working solution for me. All I can say is that I'm closing in to a truly successful and happy life for just myself and at the same time, working on getting myself a great girlfriend.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
