It feels like my heart is finally at this really relaxed state of mind and surely, I'm handling all the things I have been sad about with myself for my whole entire life a lot better than before! I used to be pretty nervous about over doing anything and then becoming depressed from having invested so much and failing. I sometimes had mild panic attacks because of this fear. One guy was a jerk and partially took notice of it with me. He would accuse me of basically fidgeting around too much and didn't really do anything for me. He also would come across as condescending and I was mad enough that I ended up making him go crazy by unintentionally saying stuff that wasn't offensive or anything but it definitely was something he didn't perceive correctly. I'm sure he doesn't want to talk about it because it would paint him in a negative light. If he did want to talk about it, then it would be beneficial for him but with it being seeing upon as negative it would be something he wouldn't have preference with talking about, even if I approached it all nice to him. This is what I did and man, he was so mad!
My approach has evolved into letting the cat out of the big and arguing with infallible proofs that can't be argued against. It's the Computer Science mentality to come up with solving problems by doing these types of math so that all worries can be put to rest. I have been taking advantage of it a lot lately with a few close people who want to argue using their emotions with me. I think the effect is like they are being put right on the spot with something bad about them and there's nothing they can do about the thing I pointed out and proved with a simple contradiction method, which they probably even had no real clue about so they just don't react so violently to it because it would hurt their own agenda even more.
I'm starting to feel a lot more confident in this area of dealing with negativity or people with grudges on me now. I can even identify it and prove it from using just simple contradiction too. If they didn't have a grudge over me, then they would be open to talking about something personal that relates to me and not tell me to go away when they have the time to give right then and there. They wouldn't need to act so bothered about it. The fact that they are acting in that manner and saying no to discussing about a passed event and wasn't illegal or anything and doesn't have any conflict-of-interests either like no non-disclosure agreement was signed really shows they aren't happy. They usually say they have no problems moving on and if they did, then they wouldn't have to act all visibly bothered to begin with from just asking them about it, even if they blamed me for something. Assuming they had no grudge to begin with, then they would never act this way with me.
I reasonably feel they should all go see a therapist because I unintentionally made them go crazy. These are signs they can't manage like I can. If I couldn't manage, then I wouldn't be able to express desire to put them at least on the lowest level in my circle of friends. It just means I will spend the least amount of time with them compared to my best friends but I'm willing to call them friends if they can with me now after establishing a decent acquaintanceship.
My style with proving things and trying to be infallible is simply from applying proof by contradiction and it was very well reinforced from taking my CS major very seriously! To be a decent programmer, you have to be able to prove your algorithms are infallible also so if I did a lot of problem solving and seeing all of this complex human activity with their emotions popping up in my discerning head and can extract useful and observable data, then yeah I might as well use it whenever it's appropriate for finalizing the objective.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
