Appreciating Suffering

Discipline for me is pretty much suffering and dealing with everything in your personal life and trying to execute things as flawlessly as possible. I am starting to appreciate suffering for myself now. I don't like suffering, so I'm not a masochist but I'm seeing that it's necessary to succeed. To have great mental health and be suffering at the same time is a real challenge that I have been trying to master for practically my whole life. 

I don't even like being with an evil mindset, which I probably tried at least once or twice. That also really bites another one's dust to be suffering and having this evil ideology which is just not healthy. I really lost a lot of coherence from not wanting to suffer at one point, but eventually life's tolls caused me to think about my best survival. The best survival tactic started with me accepting everything about myself and being honest. I used to have this strong mentality that would block out everything selfish about myself and not even pay attention to it. I was still depressed so I decided to become honest and it's been helping me out ever since.

I'm realizing that I really have to work for whatever I want and that there will be shortcomings. Whether people or concepts get in the way, it's all a part of my life. Whether I feel angry about it or not, I'm still living in the end and have to just learn to suffer and deal with it. A guy who was solely responsible for getting me fired said that he used to smoke in the middle of the desert and just continuously think. I think it's funny to note that while realizing that the field I was getting into wasn't really going to make me successful, so I don't really care in the end.

Spending A Lot of Time

There are 24 hours a day in today's human culture. Yes, that's just how things are. I notice that a lot of people like to watch T.V. even though I would like to do other things like reading and socializing with people at a cool restaurant or decent club. I really need to just suffer with not really having any money right now and let myself grow in this area of creating my own business. I pretty much need to spend like 12 hours a day doing something that I want to really commit to preparing for and then go in when it's all ready for me.

I heard the statistic that 92% of forex investors fail their first year and do not continue anymore because they use up all of their investment money. I've been going for about four months, but only doing demo accounts where I'm only testing theories and not using actual money. I wonder if I keep trading and start making winning trades on my demo account consistently, then I'll gain the confidence to make live trades now. I really like the idea of trading which is pretty fun for me and there's a lot to master everyday for me, so this could be the financial independence that I'm looking for.

Goals That Are Hard To Keep Up With

Okay, I think I'm maturing enough to experience my own personal emotions and just stop caring about people being jerks with me now. I'm realizing that I have four personal goals that I want to keep up with, but have a hard time doing:

1. Trying to make myself grow taller.
2. Working 8-10 hours a day during the week on my own business.
3. Exercising to build good muscle.
4. Being spiritual.

These are the main personal things that I want to attribute myself with. I know that height really does not matter that much as there are smaller and attractive women out there for me, but it's something that I just have to do for myself I guess.

Continuously Writing

If everything fails in my own business, I'm just going to pay for it by driving a truck around the nation. That's how I'll take responsibility for own financial disaster and is going to be my last resort. With any job that I do, I'm going to find that it drags for me sometimes. I don't like being under control by someone. I want to be free to do what I want to do. I want to have my own business where I make money on my own with no one telling me what to do. I want this independence and wealth for myself.

I figure now that I'm projecting myself to be married before the restraining order from this girl who might have had a weird crush on me is up. By visiting this church again after two more years, I'm probably going to be married by then and be like in your face by playing their keyboard and singing on the microphone. I'm just preparing myself to sing at that church solo and even though I'm projecting myself to mess up and not do good, I believe that I will have a good time doing it. I'm even practicing and still laughing at the times I mess up. The songs that I'm learning are pretty much gospel songs so I guess that makes sense to play Christian music if I'm going to up there playing just one song every week ritually and by soliciting myself to play the piano even though it's probably going to bug everyone eventually. It will just my way of paying them back for the good times that I'm going through even though they probably wanted me to suffer hard with their weird and funny motives.

Change Of Plan

Looking for a PC Repair Job isn't going to quite cut it even though I am pretty good at it, I might as well broaden the search now in looking for a job and specialize in networking. I don't care if someone thinks it's saturated or not, once you get your foot in the door, it's great news.

Obviously, my feelings are totally mixed up because of the level of difficulty attached to this complexity of dealing with no job and continuously getting rejected.

I Have An Idea To Try

I want to go into repairing computers or programming full-time at some company. It's about doing something that I would seriously love. With programming, I wasn't naturally gifted at it but I didn't mind spending painful hours throughout the night trying to get something to work. I remember those days, like figuring out a huge puzzle for the rest of the night and feeling good when finally executing it. Doing this on the computer felt like something magical for me.

No More Compromises

The art of being human is dealing with life's problems at times when required. I'm not the perfect candidate of getting rid of every single problem in my life, but I learn to deal with them just like anybody else should. My mom has joked around about how the end of one's life is the happiest because the person would never have to worry about a single thing again because he or she is already dead!

Since I'm alive and want to be good and well, I'm going to deal with my hormones still which get pretty elevated. I don't think I have it that bad as some pregnant women do occasionally, but it's noticeable for me personally. I think that's the difference of who I am- it's that I can notice it and learn to adjust it when needed for situations that require me to be at my best and most focused. I believe that I need to just be a repetitious type person over positive things to become positive. So if I want to be living in the Word of Truth, then I need to start practicing it over and over again in order to grow with living in it. 

Dude, Where's My Motivation?

I'm realizing that the sexual side of things for me can get really high up there- if I only had a willful wife. Okay, I hope that's understandable. It feels like the energy level could be abnormal, so not really human and way above it so I'm stuck in this body which is pretty small but I'm a guy so I'm happy to be a guy. I'm starting to write down stuff that I'm normally shy about sharing with other people because it feels like I'll be hitting a wrong topic. Since my writing is where if people want to argue with me, I can argue back and use writing techniques to get them to be like "Whatever" in the end or to leave me be. I'm laughing about some things I'm putting down in writing lately now.

I need to find that motivation- that scope of energy that will keep me up when I need to and that it would be something that would will me to want to get up really diligently in the morning and get to it. I need to foster that passion and commitment once again and to face adversity without becoming a baby about it.

Writing this blog is not really about me setting my mind to breaking any records. It's just a personal blog where I'm publishing everything going on in my head. All the desires that I need to label are in here, so this would qualify as being my own personal originality with the use of the English language. I've always thought about becoming more fluent with my Korean too, which I have a pretty okay foundation, so I can carry a very basic conversation with my parents in Korean and comprehend some of the things they mention. I ask a lot about what certain words mean too.

I'm understanding that I have this digression that builds upon itself. If there's something intentionally left out, then it can be confusing to readers if they are trying to learn something from it. It's pretty rude and dismembering to make it like a practice, so I should not really be aiming for that. I'm becoming more coherent which I used to be paranoid about being which is because I was just plain weird, but now from being understanding to the very least and being able to communicate honestly and fully, I have some pretty decent friends to get to know and appreciate. I'm only getting to the point of improving. Some part of me still feels a little retarded but I hope to find that cure as time moves on and I keep realizing stuff by putting it on this blog.

I just hope I never fall into the wrong hands and just avoid that in general and still get to do the things that I want.

Tired Of Playing Poker

I made money playing poker. While repetitiously putting in 2 cents, I generated the profit eventually  to 26 dollars. Yeah I'm good, I know. In order for me to keep making money at poker, I have to like play 24-7, I have a system that really works. It's like you're only step away from getting the right card and then you have to move on to the next one or risk losing it all. So, it's really a timing and patience game. I don't like this with poker.

I need to pick up on something where I don't really have to work for my money. Poker is a game where you have to work to be successful. Man, it gets so tedious and lousy for me. The pros are so crazy over playing hands that I think they've lost track of how many times they've lost by now. I don't have anything against poker pros really and it's pretty cool to watch them duke it out most of the time. I've lost all these feelings of losing money and the fear over it. I guess that's good, no big attachment to money. You need to let go of that attachment and invest sometimes in good areas. That's the lesson I learned, so I don't fear playing with millions of dollars on the stock market with my own money. By that time, it's not even luck to me anymore but all about skill.

I pretty much need to find an area where I can spend most of my time really loving it and making money at the same time. That's the only way for me to become successful. I need to do something where I know I'll like it and would not mind working on it forever, except for occasional fun and something different. For the most part, a financial lifestyle that would be so cool to work hard for.

Laughing Time

After watching America's Got Talent, man I feel like I could come up with something wonderful. I'm pretty much trying to be an average joe, just that I'm very small. The talented little girl that came up last said that big things come in small packages, which is really a sweet thing to say. In addition to me being pretty lumpy and chubby so far, I'm also considerably a short male. I'm putting too much thought on things that don't matter. I'm just saying what I need to say now and going to stick to it. Those contest shows are actually pretty fun to watch and pretty cool to me, so that's just the way it is sometimes.

A lot of the things that I have developed is pretty much a little better concentration. I guess from having so much practice from doing this a lot and even during times, I felt like crying for writing about practically nothing, I realize that I'm meaning to laugh and it's finally ending all crazy arguments for me just to voice my opinion in a funny self-deprecating way. Note to self, just don't go on that show if you don't like that person's reputation.

I could sure use a little more health improvement for myself, if I can put the effort into it. I'm just pretty much just an average guy whose pretty much finally clawing his way out of stupid reruns that he doesn't want to live anymore. Marrying late is also something that I never really planned, and I guess it's something that I need to try now. I'm the type who isn't divorcing that easy. I'm like glue man- imagine what random two restraining orders mean to that person if she can't deal with me. Actually, those topics weren't thoroughly discussed with those slightly neurotic people who just had a bad case of not being able to complain properly. When I discussed with my sister who kept on threatening me one time in an agitated manner, she told me she wouldn't do it with me. I guess I fare really well with family even when those family members act a little neurotic sometimes. I have that feeling of being a certain person to pull off tricks at the end and come up on top still even though it takes a long time for me. 

Hope of God Church, L.A.

This church has its problems. Big period. I have kept on mentioning Hope Church L.A. The title is actually Hope of God Church. Man, it can get so confusing because of so many churches out there with their own little division, which is not really the best thing but a compromise with people's belief systems.

I googled Hope of God Church and found out that the number listed does not really have anyone pick it up. They must really be lacking manpower right now. I was just adding insult to injury in a good way because I would like to think so and laugh about it. I wish I would not have to be encouraged to be mean and careless by weird people who overreact over nothing and live by it as a creed. The church is very small compared to really big churches and the number is so small that they can actually impact the growth of the church. They are really missing some key Biblical elements which is hindering their growth. I can reveal what their missing. It's because they are not doing enough fellowship and relying on some weird beliefs about the Holy Spirit. The girl who placed a restraining order on me Darunee Lee Wongstapdat even told me she had nothing against me (so weird) and even once said she loved me (so weird) and even also said that she knew the Hope of God Church had some controversial ideas listed as their belief. They try so hard but fail still to grow. It's really kooky but in a conforming way with the world. It's also been missing a lot of action.  There aren't enough strong brothers in Jesus at that church who could lead them in full Bible study.

Everybody, do go check out Hope of God church, if you have a chance. I encourage you to go and try to blend in. I agree with it. I'll make it juicy. There are a lot of girls there. I would understand if a regular guy wouldn't want to go there still for all the known and little reasons. I know they may be your friend or absolutely if you know how to talk to them but the extra baggage to implicate on your life is interesting. Therefore, I made it official now- Hope Church L.A. is actually Hope of God Church. I finally got the name right so I'm going to avoid any legal actions if they want to purse after my talkative mouth which wants to be truthful. It will give them bad press then because people have the right to voice their opinions all they want, whether everyone wants to call the guy an idiot or not.

My New Walk With Random Jobs

I've pretty much felt really worn out doing random jobs. It felt like just doing it for the money would be great because I have some money problems, which I'm trying to get out of just by working. I just lacked so much commitment and realized how hard it was for me to keep it up. I'm sure that there are some very bright people who would so good at what they do and that I just can't live up to their specialty now. I really appreciate those people for who they are, and they have my admiration and respect.

I figure that there are five occupations (yes, that's plenty) where I would willfully wake up for myself and commit with a lot of goodness and take in all the suffering that I would have to for a life-long permanent thing. I was just immature about not seeing results, which caused me to want to give up what I was really longing for. I now understand this value and willing to take another shot at it when opportunity rises again:

1. Teaching - I like the feeling of helping others out with teaching knowledge that's very hard to contain and really worthwhile. I'm just not really into giving factual information with mundane things though.

2. Medicine- I've always grown with the feeling of becoming Medicine Man and curing people of AIDS or cancer. For awhile, I just didn't want people to be encouraged to have more sex in a non-marriage setting or keep on smoking but I have compassion for these selfish individuals too. They would pour in the money, but it's not all about the money. I also dreaded the feelings of sticking thermometers up obese grandpa's butts.

3. Programming- I'm a die hard programmer. I can sit for twelve hours a day just coding until I get something to work. I remember all the nervousness and pressure I was surrounded by and I still committed myself to making it work. I started dreading this because I was worried about my health more than not succeeding. I was so caught up with distractions at the time because I felt so free for the first time in my life in college. I was so addicted to video games and yes, downloading dreadful porn. I'm still a little scared about going back to programming, but I'll see if I ever make it around to completing another project.

4. Internet- Ever since I was a teen, I've been just surfing the net. I felt like I was a step ahead of the world. Nowadays, I feel like more have caught up and miss the nostalgic days where I was the lone ranger doing cool stuff like hacking and ordering stuff with fake credit cards on the internet. It was wrongful of me to do it but funny to recall.

5. Engineer- I've always wanted to build cool things. I felt so depressed from not having any knowledge in building things. I feel the resources now and where they're at and I feel even more empowered to become a creative engineer again now

Styling To A Newer Cause

I'm starting to realize that it's not really that bad and all that I was really missing was the my sense of humor. I don't really recall everything that I did to really cause people to overreact. It was more about them acting very selfish and not willing to understand themselves at a time where they felt they were going through a tough time. This type of relation with people has been the most difficult for me to keep up with and I finally understand what I needed to do. I just needed to laugh about it and to still carry on as a normal human being would do. I finally don't really care about how vexing a person can get with me now. I realize the values now and where I'm supposed to be standing.

It's One Of These Days

It's one of these times where I am really becoming better at assessing my own needs and to pursue the right direction that I want to go. Right now, I don't really want to focus so much on my computer and just go outside and walk in a park to get some fresh air and some exercise. Desire is pretty hard to keep sometimes because when some life situation hits you, it's hard to keep at it for awhile longer.

Being a human being and realizing that life is really going to tally up wins and losses, I'm not that far behind from doing this goal setting and accomplishing what I'm needing to do. I realize that I'm a super smart Alec when it comes to talking down people from doing bad stuff to me. I just didn't really want it that badly at the time. I really need to give up on thinking so much and go after what I want right now, even if it's going to be a long train ride.

Need To Spend More Better Time

I guess I'm trying to go alone with gaining wealth. It symbolizes a lot of boredom in focusing on making money. I guess I'm trying to make an earning so that I don't really have to worry about making financial contributions anywhere. I seriously want to place God first in my life and let Him be the master of my life. God's ways are so pure and good and very loving and kind and so merciful. I had a little trouble fending off being bothered by those people I mentioned over at Hope Church L.A. I managed to release another guy Washington who also became a numb skull and put a restraining order on me from my pool of frustration. He was acting very insolent and ignorant to his own ways. He ended up leaving the job that he brought me into, which made me feel largely unattenuated to the job environment anymore. I left hoping for better waters. Overall, I really have no feelings attached to becoming a monster rich man and that I'll be trying to still make myself grow taller and more well-sculpted athletically!

Just Kidding With Last One

Ah, humoring myself over not putting any list of courses down. I'm going to go in order until I get tired or bored of doing this:

AJ 102, Concepts of Criminal Law
Reason for this is because I want to know how to circumvent the system.

AJ 104, Criminal Evidence
I would like to fingerprint some people and see if I can get any DNA trace with elbow marks. I want to put them on my system and then analyze their behavior and see how much criminal behavior they could resort to and then let them know. I want to do this to Darunee Lee, who put a restraining order on me. That is after, it's officially off and I'm safe to approach her again. I should put a restraining order on her too, if she tries to put another one on me.

ANTH 202 The Maya, Inca, and Aztecs: Ancient Civilizations of the Americas
I have this idea of making a video game related to these ancient warriors. I wonder if I could just juice them up and turn them into like demons or mutants who rip each others' throats out by shooting spear guns and then maybe adding some secret maya magic (rocket launcher).

ANTH 203 The Anthropology of Magic, Witchcraft, and Religion
I want to see how stupid people can think sometimes by taking this class. I want to see if there's any relation to a few people at Hope Church L.A. in history that's linked with stupidity.

ART 114 Storyboard and Graphic Novel Illustration
I want to create comic books and don't care if they turn out to be very cheesy. I will be happy to kill off Batman by making him evil and doing poetic justice.

ART 121 Three-Dimensional Design
I want to increase my drawing skills and create 3D objects on the fly with paper. Creating a 3D face of someone like Jarred Taing of Hope Church L.A. and then calling the drawing hideous because it has so much relation to the person's actual face.

ART 191B 3D Computer Animation Project
I would like to increase some skills in doing computer animated cinematography. I would do a sequence where an imitator of Superman moons everybody and talks about how handsome his maker is.

ART 193 Motion Picture Editing
Let's create the ending of any movie I've always wanted and then post it on YouTube and then get bashed by critics for making it even worse.

ART 195 3D Modeling For Animation
This is actually really cool for me and I would seriously have a kick out of doing this.

AB 58L Collision Repair Lab
In case I have to do a hit-and-run which is absolutely sad and probably wouldn't anyway and then fix my own car.

CHEM 211 Organic Chemistry
I would like to challenge myself because I hear this course is very infamous. I would like to learn how to blow up stuff too and then do it in a safe area like the middle of a hot desert.

DANC 124 Hip Hop Dance
I would like to do some popping and then if I'm really bad I'll end up all messed up.

DANC 125 Ballroom Dance
This would be fun, if I could have a smaller dancing partner and then doing those lifts would be fun while she gets scared sometimes about the landing.

ENGT 116 Blueprint Reading For Machines
I want to learn to do this because I would like to build some machines someday and then have it do cool stuff even though I could come up with wacky stuff- like Doc in Back To The Future 3 who created a big machine that generates only one ice cube.

ENGT 265 Catia
I heard this software could make those who are proficient at it make a lot of money.

ENGL 241 Screenwriting
I want to learn how I could submit a script even though it could be very stupid to producers. I don't care about being a wacky writer.

HO 56 Medication Calculations
I want to calculate how much medication some of the people at Hope Church L.A. (Chris Kuch, Jarred Taing, Annie Tran, Betty Lam, Darunee, and the pastor Chai) would need to settle down and not be able to yell even when they are so hot-headed over nothing important.

HO 152 Normal And Therapeutic Nutrition
This is to give proof that I am mentally stable. Yeah right, I'm not going to convince even a person who acts like a mad cow and thinks I'm crazy.

MUS 106 Music Theory
I would like to create my own songs with some original beat to it.

MUS 138 Collegiate Chorale
Oh man, I'm going to really suck at singing. I want to improve my singing.

PE 122 Adapted Strength Training
I want some bulging muscles and to be very strong.

PE 130 Stretching and Relaxation
I want to do the splits.

PE 143 Personal Fitness Program
I want to do the Iron Man Challenge.

PE 148 Body Sculpting
I want to get a six pac.

PE 155A Bowling
My friend wants to go bowling so I might take this class with him because I want to bowl too. I don't care if I get an F by playing so well and then going through a rut.

PE 175A Baseball Beginning
I know how to play some ball, but I want to pitch to people and strike them out. It's pretty fun to strike out people especially by deceiving them. I wouldn't mind trying to strike out the side of those weird people I keep mentioning over and over again at Hope Church L.A.

Types of Classes I Want To Take

I'm going to pretty much list all the courses that I want to take and then put the reason down for it. I am going to use Cerritos Community College as my reference. Yes, I'm being stupid and listing my personal address too. No, I'm not actually going to do that on this site. I don't really have a need to list my address on this blog site.
Okay, these are all the classes that I want to take below this post:

The Kind Of Woman I Really Love

This post is something that I had a hard time conjuring up for awhile because I wanted to keep it secret. I guess I'm going to dedicate this to a female friend of mine who I really had a crush on for awhile. Through this period of trying to appreciate love, I had a chance to participate in becoming very comfortable friends with her and seeing her like a big sister. It's sort of weird to marry a big sister, so I'm not going to lie with that, so having this appreciative friendship with her and being so comfortable around her and not feeling so pestered with her was all these positive emotions surrounding her from my heart. She also gave some nice compliments openly with me and seemed to be really understanding by willing to have some sense of humor with some of my actions. I guess I honor that type of woman as being my type. She's a unique individual and I seriously hope everything goes well for her. Her future marriage, hopefully the future husband is going to have learned to settle down his emotions and stop acting like a whiny girl with his feelings towards me.

It was interesting because when I revealed that I liked her to others. Some law enforcement guys who I actually admitted to getting a strange restraining order from Darunee Lee Wongstapadat stated indirectly that they wouldn't mind taking the fiancee of the girl I liked and burying him in a desert. Very appreciated! I'm going to leave it to be because I think there's some cultural differences still, and the fact that my preference is to be with a mature woman whose a little younger than me or about the same age. I think she's definitely older and I was juggling those thoughts about marrying an older woman, but I feel that she could be in good hands already. I'm going to really praise her on this blog, unlike Annie Tran, Betty Lam, and Darunee Lee of Hope Church L.A. She's well-deserving of it, so I don't think other women are going to feel any hostility or jealousy with her if they take this blog post so seriously. She's pretty much a good friend to everyone, and I seriously mean that because her personality is pretty sweet. She stands out to me the most with another outstanding young woman =) - the person's name is Judy Chan of Hope Church L.A. I'm sort of laughing because of my blunt-filled rave with this girl. Another woman I really appreciated was Angela of the same church. Hey I also liked the girl Cynthia! =) One of the mySpace buddies, Pear is really nice too. =) Judy's relatives are very nice too like her younger sister and younger cousin. =) Oh yeah, it seemed like big Steph of the same church was really hesitant of adding me back on her Facebook profile, but I like the fact that she posts up her photos and shares it with me and that she can still respond to my messages. Even though she didn't add me, she's still sharing some personal information with me openly. It's an interesting hybrid that Stephanie accepted with me. I really learned to appreciate their company and being swell buddies.Wow, I can really sound pretty nice or something at times if I'm not mad. I should never really get mad at rude things other people do to me like those people I'm going to mention below. I choose to agree with them even though it's going to make me laugh very heavily and probably get me to joke around so much with them. Agreeing in the future with no shame at foolish ones arguing with me is my new lesson that I learned. Lots of humor on my end was involved despite the confusion from Christopher Kuch, Jarred Taing, Annie Tran, Betty Lam, Darunee Lee, Chai, Bae, and Golf who is still unbelievably a Facebook buddy. Man, I seriously contemplated on blocking Golf because of his annoying rants about certain things, but my policy is to leave it to be and agree with laughter! I also blocked Christopher Kuch on my Facebook too and e-mailed him a message that I did this to him and that I'm not ending the friendship.  

Easy Enjoyment

Hanging out with friends and doing some things is actually quite a lot of fun. I do need to spend a little time to myself sometimes to find out more about who I really am. I guess working sort of contributes to this characteristic for me. In a way, working would be something I could enjoy at times. What seems like a simple formula is going in for making the maximum bang that I could possibly get, which I believe that I know how to and then contributing it to trustworthy charities without really caring so much about the world's greed and other scams.

Nowadays, some news analyst seem to be reiterating that the rich spending can actually boost the economy which is pretty interesting. So when President Bush sent out this incentive check, I think it really meant giving spending power back to the people. What I sort of hate is some people saving money selfishly and just letting that bottle flow continually rising and maybe becoming miserable. I guess there's going to be reasons for everything and so I should be focusing on myself usually.

What I'm finding out to be the ultimate insult but rather smart thing to do is to agree with people who seem really foolish. I guess it's an act of love and then when I respond to them, it sounds so funny because it feels like I'm being sarcastic and having a good laugh about it underneath. I should have just agreed with the overreacting people over at Hope Church L.A. (Christopher Kuch, Annie Tran, Betty Lam, Jarred Taing, Golf, Darunee Lee Wongstapadat, and Chai) and apply the funniness that I feel in agreeing with them. I'm going to do this with Carlos Julio, the guy who seems a little lost and can't seem to win arguments and tries to angrily bother others by making fun of them because he can't seem to let go of something. There's a funny relation with Julio and those guys and I think that's why they still try to hang together every once in awhile. I guess agreeing with Julio feels like the biggest insult that I could give to him, so I guess Julio makes really bad arguments with me. I might as well just agree that I'm an all bad person or I suck at gambling or I shouldn't be coming but I'm coming anyway because I want to make them look bad or anything while laughing underneath without getting annoyed, bothered, saddened, frustrated, or angered. I could just laugh at him by saying that I agree with him but don't really want to and say this to those guys at Hope Church L.A. who were being weird with me.

Finding Stuff To Do

I guess I'm figuring out a lot of things and that it's going to take awhile to understand some things. I could go on all day talking about some people who messed up at Hope Church L.A. and feel like laughing at them the whole time, but I figure that it's cool for me anyway because I'm learning stuff for myself and taking advantage of them even if they are doing bad things to me.

I sort of feel like the construction industry that I'm studying may not really be for me. I feel like some businesses are too slow right now and that you have to move around to different places. The skill set would be pretty valuable to learn, which I am not denying. I think what I want to really do is become an investor who gets to work at home on a really nice computer. I grew up liking computers so much that I would spend a lot of time on it and interact via messaging others over weird and occasionally stupid stuff. That was fun, even though I was suffering over not really talking to them face-to-face.

I guess I'll do what's considerably hard for everyone and that's work at home, until I make enough of a living for myself and then start expanding to other cool areas that require some money to have fun. Raising a family sounds like something I would really want to do sooner or later.

Pretty Cool

Looks like I have some interesting people who actually had fun with my account. I'm not really that special or anything, but I got hacked. Not bad because I went to a hacker's convention in Las Vegas. I can see myself doing that to others someday, so I don't really care if I get hacked with my personal stuff on the internet. I don't care if I look like a loser or criminal even because I know that I have me to look at and I know who I am and that if someone wants to kill me by being unfair like some people over at Hope Church, possibly Annie Tran, Betty Lam, Darunee Lee Wongstapdat, Christopher Kuch, Jarred Daniel Taing, Golf, Bae, and the highly repetitive in his statements Pastor Chai from exaggerating a form of hatred then I believe that I'll be celebrating in death because I believe in heaven. I might as well enjoy this lifetime because you have one life to live, so I don't care if someone hacks my account and starts making stuff about me. I'm a hacker myself, so I'm not going to do anything illegal with those skills I soon acquire.  I could tell them that I could hack them someday and if they want to get me busted with a restraining order then I'll put one back on them for retribution because my spiritual and life obligations to them are philosophically over at that point in time.

Just A Belief

I think it takes money to actually earn money. Like an investment needs to be made to get to this period. I'm really perplexed by how some people are willing to go far with doing scams. I wonder if someone has made a book on how some people create scams and actually profit from them. I would really like to know so I could avoid being scammed myself. For the most part, I want to use the internet as my main workplace now to earn a living if it's going to deal with me being self-employed. I do need just a tad of help, but hopefully common sense will help me get to a point of being profitable.

I do get enough offers to make a little bit of money for doing something called mystery shopping. I just don't like driving around places to audit shops secretly. Boy, it's really a privilege doing it but I just don't like driving around places and struggling looking for those places and then managing everything. It's really hard actually to be a mystery shopper and to earn a huge living off of it. I keep getting flooded on my e-mail with all these requests to do shops, and I'm just not really interested in doing them anymore. I guess this type of work is just not cut out for me. I'll just continue to look at it because it is something.


Alluding to the first paragraph, I have a conflict which is that I don't really have a bankroll to explore more interesting topics and the thought of not having enough money for living expenses gets me a little locked up from committing in other jobs I want to explore and learn about. I think the fastest way to up-track my growth in earnings is to become a consistent winner in where I could invest. Ideally speaking, I wish I could win at gambling all the time but that's impossible so that's why it's called gambling.

Trying to be more of a grown up, I'm taking out gambling on stupid things and wasting time in the equation of my living. So I really need to take some time to reassess where I'm headed.

Projected Boredom

I guess a lot of my posts are about feeling boredom now because that's what I'm attributing my main emotion. When I was at work and felt all bored, I think I just repressed that emotion at home and sort of tried to spoil myself a lot by staying home. Now I'm feeling major boredom at home because I would regret doing some things my instincts keep on telling me to do.

I think I'm going to avoid playing games or watching T.V. for now because in the end, the time was used up and I'm left feeling all bored even though I successfully beat some puzzles in those games. I think I would rather just read, study, or program on my computer to make games instead of being the one to play games all day. At least I can relate to a market then and get paid for making games all day long.

When I'm studying, I do feel some tunnel vision and a lot of it. I guess studying has a good usage because if I get out of the tunnel vision then I have some knowledge that I could use later. I guess playing games and watching lots of movies does not really feel like it has its place for me. Maybe, I'm just supposed to be the boring type who makes lots of computer games. I'm also supposed to be like a foot taller than everyone else too and have bulgy muscles while having a pretty attractive looking face with a lot of good things to offer while settling down with a woman who would make me feel so lucky.

Just Goal Setting

I guess this blog site has been a place for me to write about all my worries and anything that really pertains to my human self. I feel like I have been pretty much reviewing all of my mistakes, just about the majority of these posts. I'm pretty much spending a lot of time studying to become a trader with the forex market. I know that it's going to take awhile for me to succeed in this market, but know that it's possible to make a good business out of it.

I would personally like to be debt-free with anything financially and pretty much have a nice life for myself. Living in pursuit of going after golden opportunities has meant a lot to me. I think if I'm bored I could just increase more boredom by studying more, at least I'm doing something to keep my mind engaged. I want to learn mental discipline. I could also read more books, do some exercising, and program on my computer. Those things are awesome and quite cool.

So Bored

I guess to keep track of myself, I'm not playing video games for a long extended amount of time. Neither am I playing a lot of poker anymore nor doing anything really naughty. Therefore, I'm left feeling really bored right now. I really want to maintain good concentration even while I'm feeling bored now and to live with it for a long time, even if nothing really good is going for me right now.

I'm trying to pretty much discipline my own emotions right now. I need to spend the right amount in terms of putting focus on something very good. I'm not really going to watch that much T.V. anymore, which ultimately sort of sucks. Neither am I really spending that much time watching movies. I want to try not to get into those mindless and time-consuming activities right now. I want to really gain a lot of excellence. I think I'm really going to be about disciplining myself now, even if I'm feeling that things are not going too well. I want to now be very persistent in this area, which I'm feeling so much confidence over.

I understand my feelings so well with others now too. I also finally understand what makes me tick. I pretty much have full control over myself with whatever I need to do now. I think raising a family is something I will really enjoy someday. I think my days of being single are being more numbered as I'm really in age now to get married. Fortunately, I see that there are many good and attractive women  out there who may not mind settling down. I'm really counting out the girl who placed a restraining order on me. No way, she's like a stinky fish to me! I'm also counting out those girls who thought it was okay to block me on their Facebook. They had something weird going on with themselves to do that- yes, Annie Tran and Betty Lam over at Hope Church. I really don't care if they find someone else to settle down with. I wish them the best of luck in their future endeavors, as I know I will be with a more favorable position compared to them. Yeah, I guess on the long run there's really no comparison with a guy and women who acted a little crazy. The guy is no doubt the winner whether he is good-looking or not. All of that does not really matter in terms of him getting what he wants- it's really about him having a good and big heart, which crazy women don't really have!

Dumb Goals

I guess I want to try to get taller so I actually forget to do something about it pretty often because I get carried away. For myself I wish to be physically fit, a little taller, and have lots of money. I think if I was to fend for myself then I would have a lot of things to keep myself busy even though they would be pretty boring activities. My mind used to feel this high level intensity of nervousness whenever I would do something. It's just not really becoming that big part of me anymore because it's gradually going away.

Money does not really mean that much to me because I would prefer being closer with family and being married off to someone I want to spend the rest of my life with and it has to be mutual. What I'm a doing a lot lately is just reflecting on my what my life is about. I do like to center my attention a lot on developing a closer walk with the Lord because I see the pure goodness in having fellowship with God.

I think if I had those three things then I really wouldn't be so anxious about my life and be pretty much a free bird on this planet who could be at one place one day, decide to donate somewhere, and then develop something for fun while being acceptably bored with myself. I know that I'm also capable of teaching my own philosophies with someone pretty effectively, but would prefer to not judge others with them.

So I guess my own preferences is for me to get into shape and study to become rich right now. That's pretty much all I need to really put my mind into I guess.

To End A Potty Mouth

I have noticed that some dedicated religious people or some really nice people don't really curse as a daily routine. When I'm mad, I don't really curse at a person but will yell very loud at them. I usually get mad when a person yells at me first whether they or I engage the conversation. The only time I have an exception of being yelled at is for having sucked in a sports-related situation. That's the only time I will condone being yelled at by my martial arts master or coach. I actually think that he does that because he cares about me exceeding his expectations. I don't mind at all and would practice harder than ever. Any other time, I used to be okay at work with being yelled at but after seeing the ridiculousness of a person's standards and seeing how the person can sometimes mess up while I was there and then I don't get to where I'm supposed to be progressing, I might as well yell back at that person too if I feel he or she is being ridiculous. It's a lot harder yelling at an attractive woman, I won't lie, but I guess if I really lose it then I won't really care for that time being and just be like she's only going to end up being a close friend at best in the end.

The reason why I'm successful in these yelling matches is because I don't yell first. It's that simple, don't yell first and be confident in your reasoning with that reason you have with them and then when they yell, you are free to release your yelling energy at them. The only thing it gets them to do is stop yelling at you which gets really annoying all the time. I'm pretty annoyed at yelling at others too, so the only time I will reserve for yelling is when they yell first. I wonder how I would do in a yelling match against a drill sergeant. If he yells at me first, then well we got ourselves a war maybe for days until I pass out or something. It will be like that all the time, so I wonder if I'll even be smiling while yelling at someone. The only time I will ever yell is if the person yells first and sounds ridiculous for me. I will also give a warning that I'm about to yell and then boom! So pretty much if they had some expectation for me and felt I would do it, looks like I end up disappointing them because I don't want to think like them. I will pretty much yell when a person yells at me first when I talk to the person first about where they are going wrong or they talk to me first and then start yelling because they can't pay attention to my reasons. It really works for me that is, but maybe for others it may be different. I must be with an edge here again.

So overall, all arguments for me are all about who holds back with yelling first and then the person who yells first is usually the one at fault. This is my conclusion because I will yell second and make the person who yelled first feel bad about him or herself. So for me, I just need to relax and not worry with a lot of confidence in winning arguments while talking to people I have disagreements over even with girls who have misconceptions like Annie Tran, Betty Lam, Darunee Lee Wongstapadat, Jared Taing, Chai, Golf, Bae, and Christopher Kuch all over at Hope Church L.A. My advice for them is that it happens and to take care of themselves and realize that they might have been running a cult in their hearts while not knowing what they were doing.

Getting Rehired

So, looks like I'm going to be called back for work again. I'm starting this work training program that's related to the job I'm supposed to be doing. I see that the position I'm studying for is Low Voltage or the electronic systems technician position. I checked online and saw that it crosses these disciplines: telecommunications, electronics, and engineering.

Overall, I'm pretty bored at the job even with investing but I do need to work to hopefully support others and myself in the future, so yeah I have to go for what I can get right now. My friend has been pretty successful in selling some of his old items on Craigslist which is pretty cool to hear about. I hope one of these days I'll be fully off the hook with having to work, and even if I were to think about doing one of those scams that are related to home businesses, I would still be bored being scammed, so picking my poison, I choose to study and lower risk in my investments related to stocks. I have so much tunnel vision right now with how to invest and so much information. At the same time, I'm bored reading about investment concepts but somehow I understand what to do. I'm spending pretty consistent amount of time in learning how to read stocks daily. It is boring and the job that I'll be doing will be boring at times too. I guess working in general is boring for me, but oh well I have to work.

Coolness

I'm pretty much going to be up and at em'. This is very embarrassing to write about, but just need to be honest. Okay, so my mind wants to be so fixated on sexual things again. I really need to start thinking about these feelings in a more sharp manner.

I guess my objective is going to be about trying to study for investing on Forex. Forex is a market that's about transactions with foreign currency or referred to as foreign exchange. The reason why banks or smart traders can make money is because it has a floating rate meaning that the price is volatile and subject to rising and bottoming trends. I saw online that some Forex analysts can make a lot of money working for firms and be stationed somewhere in New York. Okay, so it does not seem like a bad investment to master Forex. It would then be a living where I would have so much financial independence. 

Making The Act Regardless of Feelings

Okay, I'm starting to analyze my life really fast right now and then I'm posting what I'm feeling. I need to have at least eight hours of sleep. It's funny because I have a tendency to want to oversleep if I go to bed at around 1 or 2 am, so if I sleep earlier I wake up more on time. My feelings are sometimes a little worn out, but I see that when I really pushed myself in these times, I actually feel great about having been diligent over it.

There's pretty much two confusing states that I have to deal with. One is my gut feeling saying this is good and then when I do it, I feel like an idiot. Another is my feelings telling me to be lazy and not focus and then when I do become diligent then I feel great about having done it. These are two areas that require patience to be able to discern and to act out. It requires being sharp to manage thyself. If I can have self-control then I'll be successful and go further than most individuals in life. The past does not really matter with me as they are just whack-like shadows and pretty funny to remember now.

I guess I'll share the stupid things I did that I feel pretty bad about. One time, I wrote on a dumb journal that I was going to rape the teacher sarcastically. The teacher knew it was a joke but I got in trouble with the vice principle for it. The police man showed up, and I managed to plead insanity while giving everybody a laugh about how crazy and stupid I was. I'm lucky I was still a minor back then. The second time the art teacher thought I was racist in college- that made me really want to curse at myself for doing something to make her feel that way. That's pretty much all I feel super bad about. So the police man acting really angry with me over at the girl's apartment because the girl Darunee was claiming the property was all hers which sounds very ridiculous because she had no real proof that I was being a nuisance outside. Everybody says the reason was that they called the cops while they started yelling at me. This is really funny now and I have the guts to call the cops on them too, but not going to because it's going to make them look bad for calling the cops on me. I had hand cuffs put on me, but I did not even go to jail. Pretty weird. There are other tenants and she's not the landlord over them. She said I was on a "porch" and it's not even a porch. Wow, Darunee Lee was acting really strange with me now that I think of it. She even placed a restraining order on me that won't even be permanent and she lost control of the situation while claiming she had the right to be a leader over my entire life and exert false authority. I wonder how I'm going to treat her when I see her again which I'm certain that I will someday. Just because they called the cops does not mean that I could call the cops on them too and then state that I called the cops as a reason so they were being a nuisance. I might as well just yell back at them if they are going to still overreact and yell at me. These guys were pretty much running a cult because they did not know what the heck they were doing and it's related to a pretty off-beat church. There are some really good people at that church though, and I see that the responsibility they had was personal and they break all these types of responsibilities because of what they did with me. I don't really care now that I think of it. The heck with it, I'm coming back and acting like what I should have done and cry all I want to if I have to or maybe even laugh about it the whole time which I'm pretty strong enough to do now.

Need To Stop Feeling Like An Idiot

This is really embarrassing for me to write about again. I get this feeling that I really want to do something and then I do it and then afterward, I feel like an idiot for doing it. This is how I feel about masturbation and viewing porn. It feels exciting but afterward, I'm like what an idiot that I was for doing it. I need to just keep a sharp mind and be patient when those types of feelings occur for me. It's easier said than done, but I hope it becomes second nature for me soon.

I read online that Forex investors could really make a lot as a professional while working for a firm. I'm pretty much going to try to apply myself in learning it now because it's something that I'm interested in doing. I'm also a potential programmer because I understand how to do it and have a background in doing it.

Increasing Opportunities

I guess reading about material is something that people normally do- that is those types who want to be successful in their field. There are so many stories that could arise and to have a person who was there in the front lines to share their exploitations and experiences makes it a really exciting thing to get to read about.

I'm starting to understand what some television stations promoted "Read To Achieve." Another slogan says that "Knowledge is Power." If I combine these two, then I get "Read to achieve power." I used to have some mental instability when it came to reading books and all this studying anxiety. I think it contributed to my grades sinking starting from high school. Now that I've overcome this anxiety and actually sit there for hours comfortably without worrying about wasting time while reading something that's a little dry, I think I have the right mentality now to just keep on reading anything. I'm just not really worried about absorbing every word in detail now because it just takes too long and getting the gist is like just sitting back and watching a movie for me. I guess I do enjoy reading a book a little more than watching a movie. It could just be potentially so much quicker for me and more engaging. I believe that I think about what matters to me while reading books sometimes. I might as well just adjust myself a little so I can perform better now.

I really feel like I'm not really a bookworm, I'm just reading because I'm interested in succeeding and increasing a useful skill for better assessing myself. I met a girl who claimed that she likes to read a lot of books; I guess this is pretty common to find in some women- this girl was Annie Tran over at Hope Church L.A. I was sort of attracted to her physically because it was some weird thing going on with me. Man, that was so weird to have those kind of feelings for her. I'm over it now, and I think it's cool just to be friends. I did try to prank her by giving her this weird looking glue-stick while picking up random gifts. Man, that was funny. So the poem about her being unattractive and not a boy-getter was just because I was incited after she blocked me on Facebook. She just seems to become standoffish, and some of my friends felt she was weird. I guess if she said she has a boyfriend then someone does not mind her characteristics then. I heard from a loser and questionable friend, Julio, that Annie has not a good-looking boyfriend. He relies so much on pumping himself up over the feelings of having muscles and aspirations of becoming a model. Okay, I have to say that's really funny now even though it was annoying so it's cool to let go for me now. If Annie's boyfriend is not really that good-looking then it must mean that Annie does not really care about what's on the outside that much but looks more on the inside so maybe the guy is a pretty good guy. I don't know, but I'm favorably guessing based on what Julio said about him. So for me, being short wouldn't really matter to her ideally then in just being a friend! I'm going to try to increase my height a little with these proven methods of stretching out your spinal discs by filling them with fluid through some proven yoga stretches. Pretty weird but it works so I'm going to stick to the plan. If I fail, I go down trying and don't care crying about being short each time the method I employ does not work. I'm never going to do surgery to get taller because that would be unfair for some superficial girl who thinks height matters so much to her in a marriage for her kids.

Finding Relaxed Assertion

I really like this still confidence that's a part of me now. I read somewhere that the Dalai Lamai said that enemies can teach you values of life more than friends and family. It was surprising for me that a group of individuals who thought they were all a know-it-all would turn on me, regarding some minor cult-like references with their church. The church is Hope Church L.A. I'm thinking to myself that if I were to come back then more people would actually end up leaving the church and that they're intimidated that I'm the reason for causing this speculation. I'm pretty much honored that they saw me as a powerful influence even though I was never a leader at their church. If I was one, it would be like they were giving mutiny with me. The cops came over and arrested me, but I never spent a night in jail. After that experience and if I were to announce that in public, would anybody else continue to see that I was being a jerk to them intentionally and if I was being one unintentionally that I should not bother them permanently? I should just be like the heck with it and show up to their property and run away to make them look bad with others who are there, if they are going to still overreact and laugh about it a million miles down the line. I could surely be a leader and have fun with it a lot because I know I'd rather go places, do picnics, and have a ball with some low-level intensity fun games while teaching what Genesis to Revelation literally says without adding any outside references to it. For example, I'm aware that some Catholics may actually have a relationship with Jesus but that they are still holding such a hard grip on their religious customs. I would say that some Catholics are the more imaginative brothers in the family of God. About the possible cult-like representation in Hope Church L.A., the guy who acted like a jerk Christopher Kuch stated that it's a community. What is it literally then, a puritan one that has like a little witch hunt trial in it and they would believe in hanging if that was part of the standard and expected norm to execute because they were expressing some excommunication factors? I'm not going to mention my X-factor that would encourage so much bad gossip about Christopher Kuch who identifies with Hope Church L.A. This is out of wanting to respect of what is meant to be and to hold highly venerable to that account. Chris K really didn't know what he was doing on all full measures and he did beguile me, which I don't really care and laugh about in private now. Dealing with the girl who placed a permanent restraining order on me that won't even be permanent (what an oxymoron and failure that it represents for the feminine gender), Darunee Lee Wongstapdat (what a long name and pretty baffling thai or funny name); I literally think now she was dealing with some crazy emotions not out of hormones or anything but instead living with some feminine misconceptions. The Bible says that women are the weaker vessel between a man and woman, so I think Hope Church is also tied to a more matriarch leadership instead of what God of the Bible naturally intended after Adam and Eve both sinned. Darunee "Lee" also mentioned to me that the church had some controversial dogma into it while telling me that she loves me in a flirtatious way because I stated that Betty Lam was hot in an email and then she started acting really weird by contradicting her own philosophies and then put a restraining order on me while telling me that she had nothing against me personally. Boy, what a compulsively bad and over-the-top maiden. I think she was also attracted to me even though I'm considerably shorter than her too. She had this speculation that I was chasing after Betty, but Betty was like saying she was cool with me. Betty also had these aggressive female emotions that would make her agitated, but I would have to commit a lot of my own to let her go and say it's not her hormones. Then again, I could live with that and say that Betty just had some female misconceptions again but it lies upon what I say about her; whether I want to be positive or not and this is what's going to reflect her image with other guys no matter how she wants to act. Boy, Betty can talk a lot and start laughing and over-exerting herself with so many words to come across as a little intimidating. I'm sure if I learned Chinese then I would want to cover my ears a lot. Betty does have a very pretty and flirtatious voice even when she sounds mad with you as long as she doesn't yell. Her persona in this way would make her really cute even though she's a little taller than me. My height didn't seem to be any speculation with Betty, who just smiled when I shared my very Korean photos. Oh yeah, I did establish a fun link with Betty by making her a book marker flower out of post-it notes and asking her out with some Read To Kids event. That was a lot of fun and Betty seemed to be a little inward that day with me. When Betty or anybody else would start yelling at me and I see it as preposterous, watch out with what I can do. I get filled with automatic anger when someone yells at me almost all the time, no matter how small or big the anger gets to. I'm not going to change myself overnight. My mom even encourages me to yell back sometimes in these moments and lay out my position of frustration. Seriously, people may see me as a pretty friendly or decent guy but when you yell at me then I may eventually be end you up where your position could become threatened. I don't want to make Betty mad intentionally, and I wasn't trying to go there. Some people would state my reasons are too flaky and that yeah, I did purposefully did it. I acted upon what I had and failed so failure brought me more enlightenment and I feel pretty good about attempting something even if it was going to earn me just rags. Betty was sort of like whatever to me overall even though I had these positive emotions with her as a part of me even when I was mad at her. The only torment I see is that I was chasing after to make her feel bad because in the end I wasn't even going to try to marry her. This is what I want to still execute, which is the decision to not marry her! There is seriously somebody else for me.

I thought Betty looked cool with her squared glasses and I told her and she had kept them on for awhile on the side note. She revealed like a younger twin with her older sister who I met and got along with amicably. I still hope it's cool with me and her if Betty is going to continue to sputter some words about me. She looks normal without her glasses because I was always accustomed to that. Now that I think of it, Betty's a little out there in my opinion, so messing around with Betty by saying I was going to chase after her really quieted her down a little from doing something bad with me. I sort of protected Betty by trying to flirt with her in a joking way and only because we were in a friend circle by trying to encourage her nicely even though she went off into her own world with me. I also tried to make a move on Annie in just being a friend. It's a little different with actually trying to set up a date. I learned quite a bit in managing my negative emotions in dealing with girls. Whatever Annie and Betty have, I must have been just a little sick in the head or something to consider something about them. I guess establishing a friendship with them is just better for me more than they could see because they're just women with some misconceptions. They're older women than me too and appear that way and they acted a little crazy with me which appeared to be so immature with me.

Oh well, maybe I was a little sick in my head back then by trying to give them too much credit. That might have been my downfall. My mind is at such a healthy level now that I don't feel bothered about anything that happened to me at all anymore. I guess I've learned to let go of my disappointments and look forward to progressing in the present and enjoy what the next day may bring. Overall, I'm starting to be comfortable tackling more interesting topics and challenging others sincerely. This is thanks to God letting me be me and perpetually confessing my sins with Him, even if Catholics would just want to lay off of that and believe in purgatory to be sort of lazy about their religion. I am personally convicted about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit in the Bible from Genesis to Revelation and think that its principles are so revolutionary and life-changing and yet so simple that it's hard for adults to comply but women and children could easily be sensitive to it.

Time To Fly Higher

I'm pretty much a little older than I was before, which is a no-brainer. Okay, I guess today I wasted a little time playing an online computer game that I'm doing pretty well in compared to other players. I guess I am good at something, so I don't really want to focus on that anymore and work on what I'm supposed to be doing. With the economy doing pretty badly, I guess I have to go the self-employment route which is dealing with investing in stocks. I'm pretty much going to put a lot of time into this to learn how to do it and make sure that I'm going to be pretty consistent before going any further. I guess this is going to be my money maker then and not really worry about the money later. I just need the money so I might as well just put some time into working at it. It does not really matter how smart you are, it's really what you want to do and how satisfied you really are at it.

Bad Timing

I've lost confidence in pursuing after some government jobs. I'm getting a large majority of answers from nice people that businesses are slowing down. I'm pretty much going to have to just go with the flow now full time with forex and just study it really hard to the point that I could make some money off of it, so that I could go back to school to get a pretty cool graduate degree in business. I guess I'm really unique than in this area, so I might as well just flounder off into this whole money making scheme by working the self-employment market. Being self-employed is the way for me to go then and I might as well do the best that I can for now on even if I continously mess up.

What I Need To Try

Since I'm ruling out a career as a truck driver now, I'm seeing that my best options with the best pay for me right now is to get an apprenticeship job. The education that you need is only a high school diploma with a passing grade in algebra. I've had a hard time nailing some of these interviews because unlike my peers, I actually do have a college education which is pretty nice when I think of it. It seems to bring up some complaints of compatibility issues sometimes, like they will ask me why I want to do this certain job.

I've been pretty closed off with my degree and find that to reach the higher limits I would actually need additional schooling and to getting there, it will be too time-consuming so why not start with a job I would be happy to work with everyday, even if the job is supposed to be for ideally people out of college. I'm going to have to invest more hours into this forex system. I don't seem to mind following it because by just following a little bit of it to the best of my ability, it made me some profit on a demo account.

One More For Catching Up

This post is to just make an extra one because I skipped on making a post. I guess if I really will myself I could pretty much type up a lot of endless nonsense on this blog and pretty much be laughing the whole time with myself internally. I find that having a blog has helped me understand my limits and boundaries with writing. I guess I'm pretty inquisitive in my explorations and find a little outet to make myself laugh underneath even though others may over-react just a tad and start blasphemening out of feeling angry and understanding something or just in a mood to make fun of others because they need to have an outlet like that too. I'm getting this from a site where I would leave a lot of comments and then immature teenagers would sometimes write some crazy comments with me that are funny. I've managed to write back and draw some good laughs which is cool even though I've written very controversial material to these teenagers. Have you ever heard of Digg?

It's an article-submission based website where you get to promote your own personal words whether you want to be filthy in language or not, nothing really gets censored so all the nasty stuff that people would say actually get singled out sometimes because a large majority decide to make that comment controversial. You get to pretty much hit a thumbs up or thumbs down button to promote someone's comment out of thinking that it's really funny or pretty good. I sometimes leave comments because I'm just seeking attention and don't mind if people leave me negative feedback anymore. I seem to don't really care because it's a type of distraction for me, if I'm sort of having a bad day. I just feel like the crowd is a bunch of hormone-driven teenagers, who try to give you a hard time if you make a pretty lame or controversial comment. My time with it has been actually pretty enjoyable overall and influenced my writing a little.

Another Moment of Honesty

I do have a lot of books in my bookshelf, and they do interest me a lot. I guess I've been just thinking about some stupid things lately and have to start thinking about less stupid things, if that's going to my personality for awhile. I guess being a guy who can relax under different circumstances and be patient with myself while being very hard working will pretty much get me to thinking that life is a lot better than you could imagine. Finding the zone where I'm supposed to go does not seem so hard for me anymore.

I'm pretty much jumping on the bandwagon a lot with good things and sometimes not realizing that I've been doing those things. Maybe, I sometimes take too much for granted. About this whole having a lack of sex thing, (haha) it's going to take me awhile to accept it if that's how I'm going to live. Masturbation and porn is not solving my insatiable desire for intimacy, so knowing that those things might be bad for me if it turns into an obsession, I might as well just not go there from now. Out of respect, I might as well pretend I'm scared of sexual behavior.

Just Having Fun I Guess

It looks like that for my practice investment account, Foreign Exchange currency, I actually did make some money trying to tie in a system. I'm going to focus a lot more on it because if I were to use it with a lot of precision then I will actually make a lot of profit in the end. I think it could be a lot of fun for me then to apply it and than let my account continuously grow. I guess I'm going to have a full-time job as well at the same time. The neat thing about my jobs right now for me is that I'm still considered a government employee, while kicking back at home to go back into it. In the meantime, I could be focusing on this online trade and actually become really good at it.

Trying To Make Money

Right now, I'm focusing on making some money so that I could some net savings and live comfortably. I think that if I really put some effort into this whole investing stage then I might be able to come out a big winner before I hit thirty, but I'll still be happy to have some comfortable income to be able to support myself. I pretty much want to pay off everything that I have to owe like my car and possibly make a down payment for a pretty good home. I heard that some banks have foreclosures of some homes at pretty decent locations, so I'll be wanting to actually get into purchasing one of those houses. I guess being on my own like with my own house might be pretty cool with a pretty above average income. I remember some real estate people talking on television about buying a beat up home and then remodeling it and then selling it without having to worry about making any payments- that's so smart because it's like being the middle man and making only the profit!

So I'm not going to lie even though this is embarrassing for me to admit. I have pretty large amounts of sexual desire. It's funny that I'm actually mentioning that I'm not really attracted to the slightly crazy girl who put a restraining order on me and also another girl who I said that I was going to chase after. I was sort of messing around in a safe level of activity, so it's pretty weird that they ended up acting crazy with me and these girls attend a church called Hope Church L.A.! These girls are the ones I mentioned already, Darunee and Betty Lam. I think Annie Tran was also going through some emotional trials too but at least she wasn't scared about letting it out with tears but it seems a little misleading for me still. Oh well, people are all born different and it took me awhile to be able to read some selfish hearts. It should be relatively easy for me to be content when the restraining order is completely off. Three years is nothing because Olympians wait four years if they miss the gold! The World Cup soccer players also get to wait four years if they messed up too! There's always a next time if you create the opportunity, so waiting three years to go back and make it the best memorable situation you could make out of it is nothing compared to having a personal life that you're happy to maintain in the meantime. Man, I really don't care about being shorter than them too for some reason now. I may come through some breakthrough exercises or psychological strains to make myself taller in two years or at least my offspring will get to drink plenty of milk because I'm going to down milk with them in the mornings before they go to school. I also don't care about how selfish they are going to act with me. They're just girls who had some personal trauma and that maybe someone or Jesus if he's really working in their lives will work on their hearts and bring them to a level of harmony or reconciliation with themselves. It's not hard to spot this because these girls are all the middle child of three sisters.

Almost Scammed?

I received some phone calls from telemarketers about starting a home business to supplement some income. I guess I'm just bored lately and don't mind getting these calls and hearing what they have to offer. I've pretty much said no to all of the calls because it feels like I'm smelling a rat each time. Basically, I'm just refusing to pay anything after they say "Free" and then start charging for their services or reword it in anyway. Yeah, I'm bored so I signed up to get these calls. Oh yeah, I did get a call that I liked which was called Prepaid Legal Insurance. It's basically a company that gives you insurance money  if you have to go to court for getting sued. I'm wondering if I could use it if I ever come across that slightly crazy girl who placed a restraining order on me again.

For about 90% of the choices that I made for home businesses, I've actually pocketed or known someone who made a lot of money with it. I guess that's a pretty good statistic for me. I'm pretty lucky then because I actually did make money for putting some effort into it and that's something that I should be proud of. I'm now at the point of my life where I'm shooting after trading foreign currency. I guess I'm going for the big leagues where the banks actually do play on these fields. It's going to take a lot of time to get to understand it. I'm also laying off on truck driving because the hours and making money seem to leave me at a disadvantage. I almost got suckered into having a life of a truck driver, but I'm sure I would have been able to make 100,000 dollars a year by doing team driving which basically puts you on the road longer and then you like split the profit or something. A lady who was my truck driving teacher said that everybody wanted her attractive body so she had to carry a shotgun and that her driving partner one time had smelly socks and that she couldn't stand it. 

Started To Trade

I guess making money feels boring for me on the long run but it's neccessary for some things in this world. I don't really want to get so caught up with greed anymore because I see it as hurting others on the long run. I remember watching this one story on a kid's television program where this guy was a really honest guy and then he knew where all this treasure was in some mystical cave because some spiritual being entrusted him with it. So these greedy businessmen one day found out about it, and they contacted him to be their guide to the treasure. At the scene where he finally led them to a room filled with treasure, the party all went into the room and started celebrating about the treasure and parading all over the place leaving the guide to ponder about their motives. He thought to himself, "They are filled with greed- it will invite evil in this world." He then pushed an ancient button next to the entrance of the room and locked the business people in the cave forever and that's the end of the story.

I really think diligence is a characteristic that forms through disciplining the mind and heart. So the modern saying goes, it's all in your head. The Bible says that a man plans his actions through his heart but God directs the footsteps. I'm trying to make myself taller still and I know it's not that big of a deal anymore. It just would be cool overall if I could squeeze out my height to become a 6 footer. I guess watching a girl who blocked you on facebook vent with steam or act frustrated with you about it while you're towering over her does not seem to be that big of a deal when you just stare at her and laugh pretty hard internally while saying nice things to her to make her even more mad. This whole facebook issue is what happened with Betty Lam and Annie Tran over at Hope Church L.A. My sister did it as well but she ended up deleting her Facebook account and also I think my sister does not really count for anything significant with Facebook.

The thing that sort of sucks for me a little is that Betty is actually taller than me so far and I want to be taller than her so I can smile while talking, but even if I don't have the height I should not really have any problems using some brain power here to persuade her to stop being delusional and unblock me on Facebook. I may actually end up being taller than her someday even though I'm rapidly reaching the age thirty. Heck, I hope I still grow even at the age of thirty. Annie Tran at Hope Church L.A. can just go along with being happy in her marriage and leave the town and migrate to another church to be more closer with her spouse. She can leave with everybody's blessings and/or concerns. I'm actually a little taller or about the same height as Annie or she may be a little taller which makes me feel a little uncomfortable as well for some reason. I feel like I'm a normal tall person when I stand next to my sister. I hope I'll be even taller than the girl who placed a restraining order on me someday. I need to start working out with those dumb yoga stretches to increase the capacity of fluid in my spinal discs so that I'll appear taller. My arms have the length of someone who would be 5' 7" so I hope my arms lengthen out or something through hanging on to a pull up bar or something for hours. I guess doing things that are funny and being persistent with it is better than just sitting there with a sad attitude.

Same Old Suffering

I guess there's two ways of looking at it. Sometimes you can see the glass half-full or you could see it half-empty. There are just about a variety of reasons to think about when making a decision, obviously so if you suffer from indecision making then that could be pretty bad even if you make reasons about it to make yourself feel better. Haha. Ultimately, it's the person's responsibility to tie in closely with having a life style and a person has the right to express his or her own opinions about it.

For myself, I'm thinking more about the future and on the how to of getting there with my present choices. Having negative emotions are just a state of mind and not really that important to finding happiness if you could be patient about getting somewhere you want to go after. It's difficult for some people because they are just too sensitive and sort of make a fool out of themselves for fun around those they are comfortable around. So I guess this one guy named Carlos Julio Rojas who I introduced to the church, Hope Church L.A. may not be fully comfortable around everybody. That really makes sense with me now. His honesty sounds really foolish but I guess that's what he values and it's ultimately him being responsible for his life even though he has a lesser mind than most people do. When I used to challenge him, he would sound really nervous by talking gibberish with me. I guess I could do that with him if I feel like he's being a pest and laugh about it continuously even if he's going to celebrate over nothing that's really that big of a deal to try to annoy me. I'm okay with that because I used to be that way just to mess around with my little sister. I don't even see it as a taste of my own medicine but a path for me to outsmart him on a daily basis and just be happy no matter what he does or feels about me.

Interesting Idea

I think to get every desire your heart could wish for, it requires patience and a strong mind and a hard work ethic. Keep in mind, it may never come your way in this lifetime. Making decisions are like one of the most important factors and becoming wish-washy about it could sometimes be a waste of time.

Placing full trust and confidence in God may just be the key to my life through studying the Bible diligently. I mean I would also have a job and othe responsibilities to take care of. Getting to this full level of excellence by being diligent may just be worth it for my life now. I'm going to exercise everything that my heart desires and be patient with the Lord to account for all my needs. I think I need to exercise preferences for end results.

Happy 4th - One Nation Under God

I HOPE THERE ISN'T ANYONE ON MY E-MAIL LIST THAT WON'T KEEP THIS GOING.                                                     Happy 4th of July!.... Let's get this started now,   So it will be out there on the fourth!  I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE   FLAG, OF THE UNITED  STATES OF AMERICA , AND TO THE REPUBLIC, FOR  WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER  GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH  LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!   KEEP IT LIT!! KEEP IT LIT! For all of our other military personnel, where ever they may be.  Please  Support all of the troops defending our Country.  And God Bless our Military who are protecting our Country for our Freedom. Thanks to them, and their sacrifices, we can celebrate the 4th of July.  We must never forget who gets the credit for the freedoms we have, of which we should be eternally grateful. I watched the flag pass by one day.  It fluttered in the breeze.  A young Marine saluted it,  And then he stood at ease.  I looked at him in uniform;  so young, so tall, so proud.  With hair cut square and eyes alert,  he'd stand out in any crowd.  I thought how many men like him  had fallen through the years.  How many died on foreign soil;  how many mothers' tears?  How many pilots' planes shot down?  How many died at sea?  How many foxholes were soldiers' graves?  No, freedom isn't free.    I heard the sound of Taps one night,  when everything was still.  I listened to the bugler play  And felt a sudden chill.  I wondered just how many times  That Taps had meant 'Amen.' When a flag had draped a coffin  of a brother or a friend. I thought of all the children,  of the mothers and the wives,  of fathers, sons and husbands  With interrupted lives. I thought about a graveyard At the bottom of the sea. Of unmarked graves in  Arlington .  No, freedom isn't free.  Enjoy Your Freedom and  God Bless Our Troops. When you receive this, please stop for a moment  and say a prayer for our servicemen. Of all the gifts you could give a U.S. Soldier, prayer is the very best one.

 

Need To Stop Daydreaming About Stupid Things

Okay, I need to stop day-dreaming about how I'm going to have fun with these irritated and ignorant fellows (Annie Tran, Betty Lam, Jarred Taing, Christopher Kuch, Darunee Wong, Pastor Chai, Bae, Golf) all over at Hope Church L.A. Man, they were pretty dumb about something dealing with me. I need to stop daydreaming because I keep on continuously laughing about it and it's keeping me from attending to my studies. Yes, I study and I'm trying to do it a lot. I would like to have a clear mind now, so I have to give some effort in not imagining about their dumb efforts because I've already logically countered it and am satisfied with it. I managed to let go of Washington who was also being an idiot too because his dad had already died, it's like he was giving himself an excuse to become a jerk overnight. Not cool. Washington should have realized that he was self-reliant or something, and I had good faith in him when I originally called him an idiot as a joke. I am being honest and will be continue to be honest, even if they want to try to sue me for being honest about their life because these things are all related to me very highly. It would be a different story if I was gossiping about others, who don't really relate to me. Because I'm using facts and personal experience, I do not see writing about it honestly with me is actually pretty bad for me. It may be bad for them, but not bad for me.

Not A Natural Follower

Patience is the key! I have always liked the idea of leading other people to places instead of being the follower. I'm pretty much going to have to give my best effort everyday, despite failing and then go for it again. I think the key for me is to never give up and just keep trying and build up experience to reach to the point that I want to obtain. I shouldn't really be afraid of my desires and just allow myself to change in the areas that I need to.

I'm thinking about contributing by helping myself first and then sharing it with others. I don't mind being very generous about it and applying ethics with what I am doing. It's going to be about just continuously doing battle and just being relentless with what's important to me and then accept being at the top, whether it becomes boring or not.