Focusing on Going Somewhere

I really want to focus on working out, making a lot of easy money on the side, and reading books to grow as a person in my free time. When I'm ready, I will be putting myself out there to find a decent girlfriend. I'm a pretty God-fearing, traditional Christian so one can really expect me to behave in that type of manner while dating. It's ingrained in me emotionally as well as like some form of passion and this conviction isn't going anywhere else forever. I don't mind talking about it and arguing dissenting views either as long as it stays appropriate and peaceful.

It's good that I'm now open to communicating about stuff that offends me. 

Practicing Self-discipline

It looks like now that I want to become better at prolonged concentration while maximizing my output at a high quality. It's quite nice to be an athlete because there is an endgame stage in which all of them work so hard to make a living. 

I was watching the Winter Olympics yesterday and saw the inaugural final competition for women's freestyle ski jumps. The best athletes performed amazing aerial tricks like doing a 1620 degree spin while landing it perfectly backwards! It's pretty unheard of these days. 

The gold medalist is Chinese American and she has a side occupation as young, pretty model. She's also very intelligent.

From thinking about it with this whole dating aspect, I thought she looked very pretty but that's not what I'm really looking for in a partner anymore. 

You can just expect looks to fade in a long, happy marriage. It's not the very reason that a couple should stay together forever. To base it on physical attraction is more like looking at things you were already born with and it's superficial. I don't think the people who make a judgement call with dating based on physical attraction are that great people in the moment and have room to grow more as a person.

I used to be one of those superficial guys too who was all into appearances, but I've grown out of it now. I'm basing it off of looking for a deeper romantic connection that will permanently last. I think a lot of people don't work on this and only a few are lucky to be able to do this so naturally with their soulmates. It's quite offensive to me that others would be shallow, but I'm going to practice mindfulness while going on living. 

I think it's nice though to continue working on improving my physical appearance with the things I can naturally change, while letting go of the things I can't and excusing it as too superficial while not worrying about it any longer. 

Making Money as an Artform

I have figured out that my side hustle is from mainly being a trader. I also plan to be investing based on the trusted advice of a group that I have paid for to be a lifetime member. My target before I start investing fully with this group is acquiring $100,000 total in my portfolio value. I'm about 20% complete on my own but I probably could speed it up by taking it all out of my current 401K plan. There will be just too much unnecessary taxes to pay, so it's probably better to just keep it going for retirement. 

In the meantime, I'm working on honing my trading systems while allowing for any small dents. I believe in acquiring small wins to a bigger fortune besides just letting it ride on just one product you have faith in. I don't trust in myself enough with those decisions and don't want any emotional dependency with how the future is going to unravel. I'm ready to tag along and let go just as easily as the waves can release or take back sand. 

Finding Proper Person to Date

I'm seriously looking for a deep, romantic connection now based on having agreeable marriage-type values. It's difficult for me to establish this on the first date with anyone because I'm downplaying any physical attraction I feel and not committing myself to anyone. With the two single ladies I've been seeing so far, I'm getting them from a matchmaker. 

For these ladies to have been single for so long and probably pushed by their parents to find a well-cultured guy to marry, I'm not the ideal person at all. If they had any superficial thoughts and made that a point of rejecting me, then they are messed up people who have some growing to do. Still, they could end up feeling lucky with whoever they end up with and that's just life I am absolutely fine with accepting. They just revealed to me that there wasn't enough romantic chemistry after the first date. They could have also set their expectations too high and wanted something magical happen to them in return. 

It's only two people in my dating experience life from this matchmaker and probably some weird issues that they grew up with, if they lasted this long without being in marriage. I have been dealing with some myself, but I'm a guy who has been unwanted to begin with because I haven't put myself out there enough out of personal insecurities and fears of rejection, but all of that has passed. I feel great even with the height that is looked down upon by some physically attractive and superficial women. Contrary to what others may think, I don't think they are that great individuals at the moment who can do some more growing up and I don't really mind being around to try to encourage it. 

Managing Self With Best Intentions

For myself, I think it would just look nice to work out, build some muscle, have some nice abs, and maintain great hygiene. I'm not really seeking approval from others but I see that it doesn't hurt to have some enjoyment with maintaining those things. For the things that I can't work on, it's just messed up to look down on it especially from how I was already born. It's very superficial to dwell on it with depression and is going to go nowhere. It's better to keep on focusing on personal growth. 

I'm now open to being confrontational with the things that offend me right away, especially if it's ongoing and something related to bad manners. I guess it's normal to be pretty good at noticing those things when others are doing it to us at a personal level unwittingly and a sufficient amount of them do especially with the ones I have problems with. I just have been really shy about speaking up and now I'm beginning to fully understand these types of things peacefully and solidly from being in acceptance. 

Originally I thought that I had to just hold it in and not say anything while letting things move on, but I really can't anymore. I have to communicate what's offending me and let them know I'm not surprised if they are not being a happy camper. It's interesting that I can still think pretty straight while I'm angry about something. I instinctively know it's only temporary. 

The Revelation I've Always Been Waiting For

With all the offenses people have done to me, it's usually been about them not sticking to some good manners. Plenty of them lack self-control while going through some emotional drama. I realize that it really gets me furious but at the same time, I want to do more by encouraging them to grow as a person. I now understand myself better and the answer.

For all their complaints and unhappy mannerisms, they are really the ones being a problem to themselves. They are the ones who have a mental condition while dealing with something stressful and lashing out in a capricious and grumpy manner. How they can go about fixing this is to grow as a person. 

I didn't really know all this time and I kept on failing to see it in my personal and selfish fights to do low-level social justice with these estranged peers. Now I understand myself so much better and what I really stand for. I guess I'm just another okay fellow in this world. 

Judging Estranged Friends

I currently have two estranged friends and their personal characters have been questionable. Yet, they are still pretty close to me. It now makes sense to me that they legitimately offended me in a personal sense from not being a lady and gentleman respectively. 

The problem is because it's them and they are going through a mental condition. It doesn't surprise me now that they would go through some ailments and complain about them. They just need to grow more as a person to get over them. Plus, they did enough things to offend me greatly at a personal level. I can still overlook them though because I like to put on a gentleman's act while dominating other things and laughing at stuff privately that came upon them to their own detriments. 

With both of these close estranged friends, I have dedicated myself to reaching a separate goal each before getting around to talk to them and going for the reveal with what I think is wrong about them. It's just them being the problem for their own self and having a mental condition. They can get over it if they let themselves grow as a person, which anyone can do. 

Finding Acceptance Through Weakness

Height shouldn't really matter in general or any appearances you were born with to start out in life. It's just messed up to say something negative or turn people down because of it in general, along with if there is a romantic connection and not already in a committed relationship. It would just mean the person who does it in that case has a problem for him or herself. This person is the one who needs to do some growing up, while the person on the other end who receives it needs to accept it in mindfulness and go about life while possibly moving on if he or she finds someone better to be in a relationship with. 

Women are the weaker vessel and so it can look like how they are acting so weird sometimes if you don't really know them. I'm able to accept these things now because I'm understanding the things that really offended me from what estranged friends did to me. 

Powering the Way

Taking charge of the moment, I think it's more important to be focused on doing what's in the present besides wasting some time away complaining to yourself about not having certain criteria met already. The reason is because the person is lacking some character and putting off working on it from having struggles, a mental disorder, or both. It can be overcome from growing as a person while practicing mindfulness. 

What makes this personal growth and mindfulness even better for me is from placing my faith in Christ based on the New Testament. I am a believer and the belief system works for me, while giving me so much solace and inner peace for just myself. I think it's part of being in God's kingdom to apply some secular knowledge that makes you grow as a person. There are disagreements with many stances that the Bible points out but we are all entitled to our opinions even if they make us cringe! It's something we can accept with mindfulness while voicing things that are unreasonable and wanting something that's morally fitting! 

Going into Personal Beliefs

I'm pretty big on character and a friend who I haven't spoken to in a while is like a doofus to me! I think he might have a mental disorder because he can't seem to think straight sometimes and is filled up with too much negativity while centering it only around himself. He doesn't even act like a gentleman while he is going through this mess. 

The reason for all of his complaints is because of himself. He needs to grow up more and accept things with mindfulness like a lot of normal, successful people do. He either struggles to do this, has a mental disorder, or has both. He responds back negatively when I bring this up which is offensive to me. In the end, it makes sense for him to be where he's at while pitifully moody about his situation and voicing his complaints. There are going to be at least a few people who are like this in the world and even my soulmate is like this on a smaller scale. It's something that I have come to accept while keeping my cool about it. 

For myself now, it's about voicing what offends me and being able to get along with them still because it's something I can overlook while still growing as a person. I want to just be the one to tell them to improve themselves as a person and that it isn't a surprise to me why they voice some concerns that are silly to me. They need to put in the effort to grow as a person while being mindful about everything and accepting who they are. They can make good character decisions to make themselves more attractive to others. The positive is that this is something anyone can work diligently at to achieve in time. In other words, it isn't a superficial thing that I'm judging them over. 

It's amazing how we can work on wearing different types of clothes, gain status, work on our hygiene, and work out to improve our appearances. These are the things that we can morally weigh without any guilt for physical attraction. Things that are not easily fixable like height and facial construction at birth shouldn't be something to measure because it's superficial and can be totally degrading even to yourself in a way if you don't have something like a short girl being attracted to a significantly taller man.

My Relationship With a Close Female Friend

Since I'm single and oriented towards wanting to marry a decent lady, my relationship with one of my closest female friends is very important to me. We are only friends because neither of us are right for each other in terms of intimate relationship values. She's different like she doesn't want to have kids and wants to still have some space from her significant other, which would sort of kill me. 

I have realized though that we do have amazing chemistry with each other like in the things that mutually interest us. 

Some people do think we are a couple when they see us, which either of us don't mind most of the time and can laugh about. I'm sure she's also felt some physical attraction with me during a few moments in the past while hanging out because I do like to workout. I have those feelings sometimes with her too but it just doesn't matter to me anymore because I think both of us don't want to make it count. 

The reason is because looking at the deeper surface, our values when it comes to being in a marital-type relationship don't align. She is different from a lot of people and it's something that I'm making an effort to not to judge out of respect and treating her like family. If later on, we both grow as a person and we're both not seeing anyone and she started seeing life positively in a different light that matched a great deal of my important preferences [that is never superficial] then I can see a potential romantic and deep relationship take over our lives. However, I believe that living in the present is the most important state of our lives.  

As a progressive romantic, I've accepted that this may not happen as well as there are plenty of beautiful [on the inside] available women already out there who may be ready for possibly seeing me as their future husband. There was never any wrong in my budding friendship with my current buddy and something I can accept with confidence and contentment. 

Practicing Mindfulness and Growing as a Person

I'm now in a better state of mind with being at peace after being severely offended by several people I used to know. Looking back then, I felt I was weak for choosing not to do my usual fighting stance and start yelling at them. If they were in the military while I was working as a trainer then maybe it would have been different. 

I'm actually very energetic and will be so persistent, but now I'm open-minded with letting everything out in the open if I have to. I want to try to be appropriate as well, so it makes sense that I want to see long gone acquaintances grow into better people while using me as an example and not reacting so badly about it.

I'm about growing as a person now and accepting that some people will take longer or even never get there. 

Decent Attitude Adjustment

I believe that people shouldn't really talk about their superficial dating preferences around others. It can really be conceived as negative for those who don't possess them. Just as easily, the offended person can say something offensive in a superficial way to the person revealing theirs first. There are probably some things that are better off never being mentioned. I think this is one of them.

The reason why it's so negative with these superficial things is because it can't really be adjusted that easily in a natural fashion. It's like something that you were born with and don't really have to take extreme measures to be happy over if you can accept it. If it was very easy to change, then I don't think it would be that big of a deal to bring up at all. 

As a result, it's probably better to just practice mindfulness and accept that some people you have associated with might still need to grow up. What you can change is doing things that feel sexy like working out and getting more toned muscles and developing a great personality that you are happy to express around others. 

Making Money

I'm starting to figure out that I have three ways of mainly making money on the side apart from my main job. With my investments, I have some going into savings with stocks, my 401 K, and a very small interest from a bank. 

I want to do a great job with my work, but it looks like I really want to stay home and not really have to focus on working and make money by taking it fairly from other people in a competition. Zero sum games are essentially pure competitions where you have a set of established rules and then do all you can to take the most money from the market cap. It's like having wealth transferred over to you from less prepared players. It's the way life is and I plan to spend it wisely and even give back a portion of it. I might as well, since this is the type of lifestyle I'm personally attracted to and will make me happy. It's there and it's a legal and fair game while paying taxes to the country and nobody is complaining except for the unfortunate players who lost all their money and possibly important relationships or possessions from not being smart enough about it. 

It's essentially a job in itself so I think there's a moral responsibility if you do well in it to not squander wealth that once was under the custodianship of someone else. It's never really theirs to begin with and neither isn't mine. It's just a privilege to be comfortable and interested enough to make a living while putting in the effort and playing it safe. I don't think it even violates the Bible even though I do feel sad for those people. They shouldn't be playing it, but it's legal and the transfer of having this wealth is something I feel I can do a better job under my watch and hopefully they will grow as a person and come to their senses. This is practically where you can detach your emotional worries and just do what you love doing to earn money even if it bothers some people who don't understand it. These people just need to grow more as an individual and hopefully, they will. 

Things to Work On

Well it looks like I'm ready to start hitting the gym and working on building up some muscle. I just feel good in general and along with my confidence level. I'm also curious about seeing if I can get taller with some advertised products at this age, so I'll just try it out to see what happens.

It looks like playing Poker for money makes me feel pretty empty inside. It's not that I hate playing it though. Maybe it's just something I should set a time limit too while accepting a good or unfavorable outcome. I think I'll just try that out then. 

I also want to get myself invested in doing some options trading as well. 

Making Positive Assertions About Dating

I'm noticing now that I might be a pretty handsome guy for my age even though I'm short. In a sense, I'm also pretty manly now but what helps me keep my confidence and bring out all the good sides for me is not being superficial even under any stress and worries. 

It makes sense with inferring it to be a positive thing because I'm not bothered at all with my own shell when I'm in that state of mind. I have accepted that some people will never get over their dating preferences and will affect my chances of dating, which I believe is something you can overlook while you grow as a person. This acceptance is made possible for me by practicing mindfulness! 

Overall, I feel confident now that I'm observing that more women around my age group are becoming more open-minded with dating capable men who are less physically attractive. They are also still capable of bearing children. 

Trying to Make Good Money in the Long Run

It's starting to make sense in that it's not really about being greedy but about making an impact to earn wealth. I really do want to tithe my earnings and on top of that, it might be no secret that I intend to help out relatives with important things like exorbitant hospital bills if I can stomach it. All this hard work that I will be putting into making money might not really feel like having that much of a hard time because I enjoy figuring it out. I have this positive mindset that's keeping me going while doing the challenges that I'm less fond of. 

I don't think playing Poker is the right fit for me because it's really an empty game in the end unless you are lucky enough to become a star.  

Little Nervous Excited in a Good Way

I am about to have my first date with a pretty lady who said is excited to see me today. I'm writing this on Jan 26 of this year. Yes, I'm months ahead with my writing schedule that I don't really feel like checking up on normal holidays or current events. This is probably the disadvantage that the things I write about may have already passed but it's good for me to go back and check up on how I was doing before then.

There's really no guarantee that things will go well, but I hope it does as always. I'm mainly looking at matching up our values and opening for any type of romance. I don't care how the looks are on the outside really anymore. I really enjoy the journey of becoming a better person and being there at the right time and place while possibly sharing it with someone special. 

This lady I'll be meeting today might be someone special since I never expected anyone like her to take some interest in me. I have to not be shallow; otherwise, I will suffer from being filled with preconceived negativity over knowing that so many insecure and physically vulnerable women see my short height as a bad thing. I have accepted that their minds won't be changed and there's nothing I can really do about it except going after doing the things that really matter. In other words, I can just be smarter, nicer, and do things in a better way which are so many times more important than fretting about not being able to provide an immature and physically attractive lady comfort over a superficial layer that I can't really improve upon. At least I have a purpose in life and can obtain happiness with the fullest amount of self-confidence! 

Also, there are already women out there who might be open-minded to a guy who just has really good and permanent characteristics that he obtained over time and they are very attracted to. My soulmate really has more growing to do as a person, since she's in the dating crowd who wants to be with a specific height; otherwise, she will feel bothered about dating a compatible guy who doesn't meet her physical standard. Also my soulmate can be so grouchy, impatient, immature, and negative sometimes. I really see these things about her now as they are brought to light after she initiated a fall out with me. I'll be looking to mend ways with her though as good friends should soon after I find myself a girlfriend. 

Risking It to Make Money

I think my ultimate stage of making money will be signing on with a group that I have entrusted myself with once I have over $100,000 in career earnings from investing/trading. I am a moderate risk taker and don't mind taking a loss that much if it was inevitable or made a mistake. I will learn from them and keep on going. 

By trading with a longer term scope, it means that I don't have to be at the computer that long. With people being greedy and thinking they are great at something and only for them to fail later on, the reactions are almost going to be negative in some way. They have room to grow as an individual, and I don't have a problem bringing it up with them if they did something to offend me in a personal way. I want to be a better person and so I just need to do something about it or it's going to drive me crazy. Messaging made it a lot easier while exploring myself and coming to a better understanding. Of course these people did something that was offensive to me. They cut off communication with me. 

I will be looking to break the ice with them again, now that I understand my purpose and desires with them. If I did something wrong or they are able to pull a fast one against me, then I'm not afraid to accept these consequences. I am mindful enough to play nice while going after outsmarting them as well if necessary. It totally makes sense now. It's just talking about with them what offends me with what they are doing and trying to coach them to grow as a better person. 

Understanding My Role as a Friend

I'm interested in seeing people grow as individuals because if I don't do something about it under my watch then it's going to drive me crazy. It took me a long time to figure this out, but now that I've come to terms with it and understand how to make myself happy, it's time to reveal it here. 

I want to be something like my own form of untrained therapist friend with individuals who do things that are offensive to me like deleting me as a friend on Facebook when I didn't do anything that was seriously bad to them. If it was, then they should try to sue me which I will end up defending and/or filing a counterclaim. I am also unashamed to reveal this while laughing about it in front of their faces. 

This becomes easy because I want to feel good by trying to motivate them to grow as a person while talking about the offensive things they did to me as an example. I have practiced being mindful enough to separate my negative emotions and keep them in check while behaving in a proper manner. I'm lucky enough to be overcoming it without getting any help while being satisfied working on it alone. 

What I Think Dating Preferences Might Be Based On

I believe dating preferences are rooted off of insecurities and personal vulnerabilities based on our experiences of growing up. These preferences are irreconcilable at the moment, but as we grow as a person they can be overlooked. I think the ideal dating partner will look for only matching values and a romantic connection besides just pre-screening others based on a superficial attitude. 

Because so many ladies and gentlemen are like this on dating apps, it feels too overwhelming for me to navigate around already. I don't want to pay for it either or open myself up to any possibility. It's just my preference to put myself out there in person like the traditional way and allow myself to take a rejection after trying to flirt with a single lady of interest without feeling any hurt out of it, if it does happen. 

Honestly, I'm capable of putting down shallow ladies and making them feel offended from making offensive jokes that reciprocate things about me. Even my close friend was saying I was being too overboard, but now she's taken a step back from advising me. I feel very confident with being opinionated and totally rocking others who are shallow and going to look down on me in any way with the physical shell I was given. They can also stand to grow more as a person and become better like my soulmate who is such a superficial and negative numbskull!  

I think it's better to always keep these negative thoughts that are superficial preferences and something you can't change about others within yourself. It's better to reveal them when you are being confronted with these types of talks by others. 

My soulmate talked too much about dating while she was single and became too negative about it. After offending her, I hope she will grow as a person and won't ever speak or express it in that manner to others. 

Preferences Changing Like Crazy

I don't think appearances matter to me anymore. I'm over being shallow. I want to put all my attention on the important things like values, romance, love, and being able to manage differences with my future wife. I guess marrying a woman of age would mean being able to have kids and start a family. 

For myself, I believe in having a very healthy and happy life. I want to balance my life in between happy things besides just focusing on a career.

When I think about my soulmate right now, I think she's crazy, negative, and whiny underneath her tiny frame but at least she isn't very evil. I can't be with her forever out of reaching a personal decision but I do still love her and want both of us to be happy just for the sake of being us.  

Committing Myself to Making Money

The areas that I want to make a lot of money in are trading options, cryptocurrency, and Forex. Once I have made enough, I want to then move into investing stocks with an investment group that I trust. I think my life will then be set with being financially independent and having all the freedom in the world to do whatever and whenever. 

With this matchmaker business, I'm not a big fan of it as I believe in choosing your partner carefully and taking all the time in the world as you need for it. I also believe that you don't need to have a lover nor be in a significant relationship with anyone to be a happy person. 

It really comes from just willing your mind to have a positive outlook. Sometimes, it takes some time to figure out the solution. It's worth putting in the time because then you deserve to be happy. 

I'm interested in gaining some muscles and also feel like making some iced coffee and sharing it with my close friend. 

Hope It Goes Well

Well I am meeting up with a woman who I'm interested in hitting it off with. I hope it goes well and ends up working out. Matthew 6:33 says to seek first the kingdom of God and then all these things shall be added onto you. What it means to me is to center everything around obeying the desires of God's heart to allow for personal understanding of what makes you happy. 

I'm really going to need to listen to the New Testament again. I have been having trouble keeping up with it. 

I also need to pay off the bills for this month. I made some returns due to some binging that I did for shopping. I will be checking out the damage that I did. 

It looks like I'm backing off of stocks right now from not expecting a good year and slowly pulling out my gains. I am looking to get myself into options, cryptocurrency, and Forex. I want to make money off of a highly volatile market. 

I also want to start working out my muscles instead of just running mostly for my workout now. I want to do some weights too and take classes. 

I guess for me it's to focus on making money with what I want to do, getting more fit, having fun around others or by myself, and trying to flirt with single ladies for fun and then accept any rejections with a positive attitude! 

Making Better Progress

I think I'm going to start working out with some weights. I have a date so I just want to pump myself up with so much confidence in my physique. Not that looks really matter to me. Yes really because I need to not be shallow so I won't feel so discouraged about being short and dealing with this gigantism ideology. I guess it's nice to be tall and a dude and to have several women who just feel naturally attracted to that person because they feel small and insecure. It's definitely a form of feeling physically vulnerable so they just like being held by a tall man. 

It is definitely a superficial preference and just because they are tall doesn't mean the they are a great person. It can also be that a great number of these women really have room to grow more in character as a person inside and they haven't really thought about it. 

I think finding a great woman will be easier for me because the world is filled with a lot of superficial people while it's accepted by people in general. I've grown out of it and feel that there's a bigger picture to seek after. Besides, there are still the special ones out there to go after seeking from just putting yourself out there. 

Realizing What It's Been About

With me hounding past friends or acquaintances about things bugging me in the past, I'm starting to realize that I can get over it rather quickly but there's a strong desire to coach them to grow into better people. With all these frustrations to their angry outbursts and negative reactions, I like to stick around and not quit on them nor myself. I'm still not quitting on them. It's just that I made a foolish oath to God that cannot be undone for me. It's like the point of no return unless it was totally immoral and not aligned with the Lord's ways. 

Based on my nature, I'm now committed to getting a six pack and becoming a millionaire so that I can get around to doing what I was always searching for. Maybe I made this pointless goal for the sake of buying myself time and just did it out of pride. Digging more deeper into it, it does tie into my greatest personal goals that I'm seeking after. It even ties to my faith in God. I want to be healthier so I could reach out to more people that might have rugged roads or extreme conditions to deal with. I also want to donate more money in quantity and freely without that much hurt by being only a millionaire. I'm happy to call myself just average at this level. 

I have to obtain my commitment now since I vociferously wrote to that crazed church group and also prayed to God that I wouldn't reach out to them until I did this. There's another vow I made to God dealing with never doing a behavior as well and it's stuck. I don't think I made a heartfelt enough prayer or committed prayer to the Lord that I was never going to swear by myself. Well, I don't swear around others no matter what it is and even while writing to them so I can allude to them sometimes in a creative manner. I think I already made that oath a long time ago so it's stuck with me ever since. Making these oaths to God is not totally a new thing for me then. 

Insecurity I Will Never Get Over

I'm starting to realize that a lot of dating preferences with women might be over superficial concerns and personal vulnerabilities. I don't really think much of that matters to begin with because now I'm looking to get rid of my own insecurities permanently and just be like the heck with it while being who I am at the same time. I prefer being pleasant while speaking my mind at the same time to relieve me of minor annoyances. 

I have grown a lot as a person and think I can actually help and understand those people who don't respond to me in a gentleman like way while letting them know about it. It's maybe a sign that they don't really need me as a friend! I'm interested in influencing them to be better people though and not really focusing on the visual stuff. I'm more interested in getting down to the matters of the heart. 

There's one insecurity I have and will probably never get out of. I don't like girls telling me that I'm like a brother to them. I also don't want to hear about superficial preferences from anyone that are accepted to be something you can't really change and I don't have myself because it's noise to my ears. I would rather have it with them keeping it to themselves because it's going to eventually trigger me. My soulmate is still mad at me while having a hard time and thinking she didn't deserve me making fun of her. 

I'm going to do the same for others and expect it to be done upon me as well. I don't think a close friend of mine really understood how much it bothered me and I became mean towards her as a result that she never brings it up with me now. I think she will sometimes keep on pushing the envelope until she's forced to back out of it permanently. 

Finding My Voice

I think I've found my voice over the years and direction. It's crazy how I'm doing this with no audience in mind. I have literally no filter but I'm still managing to keep a close friend who has her eyes on me and likes to get all intense over the little things that bug the heck out of her. She has plenty of social anxiety and has issues with herself and just wants people to do well so she can approve of them. 

She's too wacky for me to want to date and I also wouldn't change who she is as a person even if I started all over with meeting her for the very first time. The only thing I would have changed about myself  is to be more secure and then maybe I would have regrettably dated her to the point of not being close friends like we are now. Never say never though. 

After getting to know my close friend, I'm never going to initiate anything with her. She knows that I'm a tough act to find someone I would be fond of because of my high standards. It's going to take me longer because it's harder to find these types of ladies but it's definitely doable in this lifetime no matter who I end up with because I'm now not so judgemental about appearances. I have to be this way so that I won't be insecure about my height. It has already played a huge, destructive barrier for me to find a good woman to marry. In a sense, not being shallow is a very positive flow for me to introduce to my barely existing dating life. 

Learning to Be Better Person

I think "Jesus really is the way, truth, and the life" John 14:6. I'm an unapologetic believer of Christ. I don't really practice any strict religion and believe that working on yourself and being a decent human being is the way to go, no matter the cost and how crazy certain situations are.

This leads me to believe that some people are really weak when facing some negative criticism and there's always one to exist within a crowd. It happens and they could probably be towards having a narcissistic attitude. Narcissists tend to blame the problem on something else besides centering it on them and will react negatively if you direct some criticism at them. 

The way I react when I hear about it is by arguing it out when I'm talking to people who are mad at me. It's quite funny to me and now I'm just being open about it. I thank my close friend who is a girl and just too much for my dating preference! I don't really care about her appearance either. She can be tall, fat, and more boyish in appearance but she is not. Her nature is much more decent with me, and it's probably because we really have that close relationship which is related to being like family. 

Starting to Make Sense With Soulmate

If I end up marrying my soulmate then I believe I will be an adulterer to show for it in this world. She ended up divorcing her ex for other reasons than being cheated on. She did pretty bad with allowing herself to be swept off her feet and then lost patience with working on her last husband to salvage the unhappy marriage. I didn't realize she really was my soulmate at the time, but it's too late for me now to achieve a dream life with her and I'm committed to sticking to it like this. I've moved on and am now trying out some arranged dating for a different change of pace. 

I honestly hope she's able to turn it around someday and stop clouding her thoughts with so much negativity over superficial matters. If she wasn't too negative on herself, then I don't think she would have needed to bring up a negative opinion about dating that left me feeling incensed and do it multiple times. 

She should have really known better for herself, and now she feels she's doing the right thing by dropping me out of her life. This is probably more healthy for me to realize than it is for her. She's not the same person anymore with who I thought I was falling for. 

Making Money Plan

As of right now, I think I have a decent stash of money saved up to make a good run for gaining riches while playing it moderately safe. I believe in a well-balanced, diversification model so I'm not going to put all my money in one thing without understanding the volatility of it and going after feeding greed. I have a friend like this who became overconfident about his sources and ideas put together and then went for putting everything in one asset while letting himself suffer with maintaining a living. It's not really that smart to be honest.

I'm ready to start making a move on volatile markets to make some money. I'm more of a swing trader so that means to me trying to keep it in there as long as possible or until it hits my stop loss if I end up taking a loss. It's part of the game and something that I'm understanding as part of my strategy. Because these swings can be violent in a short period of time, I find myself feeling pretty confident about exiting with a profit when my system brings up some pullback or possible reversal without any confirmation yet. 

This is starting to turn into an art form for me, based on a system that's built off of positive reinforcement and a sense of security. I don't really give into my emotions as much anymore, so it helps to have this personal system in place. Successful investing or trading is in its essence about having wealth transferred over to you from others who aren't playing by their own profitable set of rules. Hopefully, these individuals won't stay in the market for too long if they don't want to improve their trading habits. I'm currently profiting for almost four months straight now. It could finally be a winner that leads me to financial independence! 

Pretty Stoked

I have a chance to form a spousal relationship with a special lady. The real reason I think this way is because she's taller than me and considered to be pretty by others. She's also the one who expressed interest in me first. I hope it goes well for me.

It's really about perspective and thinking about it now, I think it's dumb with how my soulmate acted towards me. She's quite a mess and has her head stuck somewhere in the clouds. I mean what I text her to rattle her cage wasn't really that mean-spirited, and it doesn't say she can't be who she is. She still has a little too many personal insecurities about her physical appearance and it's not going to be getting any better as she keeps on aging. I hope she builds character and finds positivity in her thoughts to deal with the superficial things she can't change about herself. 

In a way, it's selfish to base things off physical attraction sometimes because there are personal insecurities underneath that a woman can ignorantly mask (e.g. she feels security while given physical affection by a handsome and well-mannered tall man). This is also horrifically how the majority of short women and some normal women out there will feel. It's inevitable that some will never achieve the personal character to outgrow this insecurity of being vulnerable about their physicality and just continue being lazy and negative when things aren't going well for them. My soulmate is one of them, but she also isn't quite that special. 

I hope my soulmate shapes up eventually, and I think she has a good shot of getting there if she starts seeing a therapist again. Even if she feels it isn't necessary anymore, I hope she does well in life again and her insecurities settle down into making her the special, cool, little gal I used to think I was falling for. 

I think it's best for both of us that we never ever start dating each other and remain close friends- since she's already with a pair of divorces to add to her name. The first one made sense but for the second time, it made her an adulteress at heart with the man she's currently dating because she lost her patience with her second ex after vowing to love the man for life while almost all her close friends advised her to end it quickly. Therefore, I think she has a borderline personality issue with a slight hint of narcissism since she's sensitive about being made fun of and not being able to drop it for a while. 

Seeking Things Positively

I actually think it's pretty funny to be rejected and have situations not go so well for me anymore. I'm pretty weird in that I take it lighthearted for myself. One can probably call it a defense mechanism from going nuts! 

It's really about keeping the right perspective. My free and nice dating coach basically said to always not make things too weird and be nice during the process of finding the one. It helps to be smooth by covering it up with an actual purpose that makes a whole ton of sense and being quick to bow out on a positive note if a person isn't interested in having their life interrupted. Smiling and maintaining eye contact is the key! 

How basic is it really. Now I know that my close friend was initially interested in me from remembering her body language. She's too much and weird though with so much anxiety and then she ended up pushing it off indefinitely with me. I'm not interested in her either and I'm probably going to keep on saying this for a while. It's possible we could both find that bridging gap someday to meet in the middle, but I don't think she's the type of lover I'm looking for. I'll maintain being close friends with her and I like how I feel comfortable being around her now. It's like our doors are open with each other and we do express a good kind of love which is family oriented. 

Human interactions can really be broken up into a science and be turned into something like a business! It's not really as complicated as one might think. 

Moving Forward With Better Perspective

I think a big part of having personal character is to not take things too personal and be as nice as possible. If something does happen, then the way I see it is that they had it coming. 

For the past fuss ups with people who were being crazy with me, I don't think they are that great of a people to begin with and could build some more character. They are probably just too lazy and have their own mess to deal with. One of my closest friends is too much and she has a great degree of difficulty with social anxiety. She doesn't say that I'm like a brother to her in person anymore from knowing that's going to set me off in the wrong direction. 

With girls calling me a brother, I don't like it because I didn't have much of a relationship with my own little sister growing up. It just makes me really mad to hear it and probably is going to be that way for the rest of my life. The only person who gets that privilege of calling me a brother is only my little sister. I just have one and so she's that super special and lucky gal!  My close friend kept on pushing it with me and then I ended up driving her to the edge and she ended up relenting. I don't know if she says I'm like a brother to her still to others behind my back, but as long as I don't hear it from her mouth directly then I'm totally fine with it. 

Finding Positive Clout

I think being a short man shouldn't limit him from living out like an alpha male. Tapping into the female psyche, you don't really want to be with a girl who is just not into you anyway. If she's going to be shallow about her preferences then who cares even if there are a lot of them. These women aren't that special to begin with and for a short guy, he's going to need to find a special woman to be with. It just makes the reward that much better and appreciable when the Lord allows for it. 

I'm understanding that I am able to always be better than these types of women and can project it at a very high level that they notice it even if I'm not their type which might drive them crazy! I even drove my soulmate crazy from making fun of her shallow preference. She doesn't want to talk to me right now. I'm giving her space and don't care because I don't want to be with her either. 

Making Positive Changes

Finding my voice from being opinionated has been a rewarding experience for me. I have used it to have discussions with a close friend who can go a little overboard sometimes. She's too much for me to ever be interested in dating. I'll stick to being close hangout buddies and being like family to each other. 

Finding out a lot about young people, many do have a vulnerable spot with their appearance that they wish they could change but can't do anything about it. For myself, it's too shallow to fuss over and to even reject dates because they simply can't find physical attraction with a person. 

I'm not going to take it so personally anymore, since I'm not interested in dating those types of ladies, who are in the majority. The Bible says that women in general are the weaker vessel and these physical vulnerabilities they feel while intimidated about a big scary man, along with their monthly period can build support for this statement. Even my soulmate is still insecure about her short stature as she's reaching her early 40s! Being with a taller man is like an illusion to feel secure about herself and not having to feel like she's being looked down upon by others because society made it seem that way. Afterall, women are reputed to have stronger feelings than guys do which could even be selfish.

This is a common occurrence among several ladies and for myself, I've become accustomed to wanting to be with a special lady even if I was a tall, gorgeous man to these women. I simply don't need that type of physical attention nor do I want to fall in love with this type of girl. I think I'm fine with where I'm at and being too short for these women.

I'll just continue working on being an all-around individual with the things I can influence for myself because it would make me solely satisfied while looking to be a part of the Lord's spiritual kingdom. 

Moving on With Positivity

I've turned a profit off of Poker from being lucky and having developed a decent strategy. I feel worn out by it after playing for half an hour, and there are also days I have to play longer to turn a profit. I feel like I can move on to better things for myself to make a living, but if there's free money involved then I wouldn't have to worry so much about playing it just for fun whenever I can make the time for it.

I think it's good for me to keep on improving upon my investing and trading skills to turn a huge profit without requiring that much effort. I feel great about making money in this manner. It is all about accumulating wealth from investors and traders who don't have the mindset to stay disciplined and are acting like rolling the dice after making a bad decision. It's naturally a zero-sum game with plenty of money in the pool to hold a position and then earn a living or take a loss.  

Afterwards, I can then focus my efforts on other good things to improve upon while feeling well-off. Practicing a positive mindset while putting in the effort to always do your best is the way to go while living for the Lord! There's no need to take things so personal anymore with other friends' rude statements which were repeated who don't want to be around me. I am not currently speaking to any of them, but I don't think it's going to last forever. 

Seeing Things Positively While Truthful

What seems to be working a lot is that there's really no need to feel sad about not being able to obtain some things. In a sense, it's a waiting game to get somewhere and you should be doing the best you can until you find yourself lucky enough to get there. This is pretty much my belief. By giving it your all while keeping a constant cool head of positivity after realizing reality will get you places.

What helps with the validity of positivity is the justification of these good things actually happening to you to keep you thriving and being mindful about these details. Being positive, self-confident, and hard working really is a lifestyle. It really starts all from the attitude. 

Working on Things

I really need to get my car maintenance done, get a refund by sending in some package, do some more crypto trading, work out, finish out those growing taller stretches again for fun and apply dubious growth spray, take care of teeth, read some book before sleep, and wear a mouthguard before I go to bed. 

With Poker, I think I can see myself making it a side hustle. I have a pretty decent strategy that might work. 

Starting All Over

Well to start off the new year, I'm writing this post on January 7 of this year by the time this post pops up. It's interesting how interest in this blog has its cycles and how there's so many opinions that I still have to express while just venting all about it anonymously. It feels great to be a nobody out there and post some digital content to just express how I feel in words. 

Anyway, my attractive close friend is all of a sudden too much for me to ever want to hook up with. She's never going to hear that, unless she had it coming! I'm writing it here to prepare for that moment, just in case. 

She's not attractive because she's mentally crazy sometimes over the little things. She isn't even the most beautiful specimen out there and I feel stuck sometimes talking to her because I want to be a kind person, which I don't mind. Therefore she's a close friend! 

Realizing Something Bigger

From having debated about my accepted shortcomings with being a short man, it's probably just a given that dating a girl who is determined to not want to show any sign of attraction is probably not worth both of our time anyway. Maybe the negativity part is really feeling left out because I think so many girls feel vulnerable about their bodies and have this superficial attraction to taller men in general. This type of girl is someone I won't be able to settle down with then, and I don't think it's a huge loss even if it does represent at least 80% of the population at some point of their lifetime with all of the eligible women out there. 

Thinking positive, I believe that I'm better than these girls anyway and can show it while proving it through my actions and with the things I accomplish from working at it. I don't really suffer from loneliness either and can look at the brighter and more important things. Besides just letting myself also give in to the shallowness with beautiful women, I don't want to join in with that game anymore from having suffered with negative feelings for a long time. 

There's something bigger to look at and I think by representing that, it can really empower yourself and others around you. I guess my soulmate isn't that great of a person for me to be around right now, so she can go ahead and wallow in her own bitterness and loneliness until she's able to turn it around for herself. She's dating a gentleman with above-average height right now and seems to be doing well, but it's only on the surface. I'm not interested in dating her anymore, but I'm permanently sticking to calling her my soulmate even if there's going to be so many issues continually added up. 

I believe that this bigger thing really originates from the Lord Almighty, while being all you can be with achieving wonderful things within your grasp. Lucky for me, I will be happy after obtaining what I think is just average. 

How I See Myself Now

I see myself formerly as an involuntary celibate who felt out of luck during college from being so shy and shallow about my own appearance. It's blatantly obvious that I'm only 160.655 cm (5' 3.25") which I can't cover up too well and 6-inch platform shoes would have busted my ego! I just wanted to avoid feeling the obvious rejection by the other shallow girls out there I was probably attracted to.

I'm a late bloomer and now a voluntary celibate so I feel like I'm better than anyone in the world. Still, I've managed to go on a first date with a cute and nice lady a few days ago for a short guy like me. I just tell myself that I don't want to date those shallow girls anymore and am looking for the more important things dealing with marriage.

Toning It Down

I'm now realizing that I can use my truthful words like a weapon to hurt the feelings of unsuspecting women who are my good friends. They aren't perfect by all means, and I never really intend to hook up with them so I've felt that all this chaos and trouble in relationships wouldn't happen with an ideal partner but I know it's never going to happen. 

The soulmate/buddy I made fun of was intentional for me to have a selfish purpose of laughing off an insecurity permanently. She rubbed me off the wrong way a few times from boasting about how she dates only taller men than me. I also never let her know which was probably why she reacted like this- she didn't make light of the situation and decided to drop me out of her life. I don't think she's that happy about making this impulsive decision. It's not a serious thing for me, and I'm glad that I went through with it to test our friendship. 

I'm learning that my height isn't really that much of a disadvantage to me but can just as much define who I am in a positive way. I've focused on greater things that a person can achieve on his own like wealth, great health, and better personality while being insecure about my height. 

It's now that a close friend and God bless her heart and hope she thrives forever has gifted me with a couple practical truths that were picked up from her therapy sessions. Mainly, it's about being mindful and developing positive affirmations with any distracting insecurity. 

Improving Upon the Mind

There's only so much you can do when you are by yourself while trying to find something very special. It's amazing to learn how you can be happy while being by yourself and also from growing so much over personal experiences with others. 

Something important impressed upon me by a close friend who has been through many years of therapy is having mindfulness that leads to positive affirmations which leads to positive results. These positive results then become a habit, which becomes a lifestyle that will allow you to live a full life. 

Better Time Management

I think my new holistic approach to time management is really based on clear concentration. For a person like myself, I do a lot of thinking. I'm also a fairly intuitive person and willing to accept almost anything on the spot at face value. I can make these gutsy calls without really thinking much about it. 

What I relate this post to is probably what everybody likes to ask about with me. It even pertains to those crazy religious doofuses from my past. They were seriously acting like a bunch of pejoratives with me. The fact that I didn't even act out that much in my own pride while they had good reason to be scared for their lives from how they were unable to behave themselves shows that I've come a long way to being a better understanding person. 

Even though I can go after suing them now for possible defamation and mental hardships while making a good case out of it, I don't wish to take them that seriously. I just have unresolved business with them that will be solved from just attempting to be a good sport with the person at the top of my list and if Crazy Lee isn't there, I'll be working my way down until there's no one left. This attempt will put my soul to full rest someday, but I have an oath to fulfill under God's witness before going here.

Therefore, I'm looking forward to reaching my main goals someday and then fulfilling this innate desire that's been passed on for years and could very well be decades! I really hope not though, but I'm happy under this peace of God so it wouldn't matter anyway if I never get around to it. 

Coming Up With Short Term Goal

I'm writing this post on the day before Christmas Eve of the year 2021. I have been very inconsistent in keeping up with my posts but it doesn't really matter since I'm about three and a half months ahead. It's pretty insane how I have been making this a decent habit of mine. 

Something new I've picked up on which I touched upon yesterday is how to concentrate properly. It starts with breathing and clearing your mind and then putting yourself instinctually into action. It requires letting go of whatever thoughts you are currently dwelling on. I don't think these types of thoughts are any bad if you are looking to work for a solution. However, it seems like some people prefer being lazy and not stressing out about it in general and then those years pile up with not doing enough to reach their full potential. I'm not really in this camp anymore and I did struggle with managing my time and different obsessions during some phases while maintaining a happy balance for myself. 

Doing it on my own takes a long time and it would have been nice to find myself a mentor but I'm so used to taking this journey. It seems like seeking it out can take a while for me and with not knowing where to look sometimes, it's just frustrating for me to not do anything in motion related to doing the act besides going for preparations. 

This whole mentality of maintaining personal confidence with a positive attitude and consistent effort and now combined with relaxed concentration is totally making achieving all my own desired goals more fulfilling! For myself, Jesus is still coming first in my heart and is the center of my spirituality that just keeps me empowered no matter what happens. It's like this peace of God underneath me that is keeping me relaxed and in full motion at a high level of standard even if others would think it's overwhelming or too stressful for them sometimes. 

Going for a Better Dream

I used to want to be acknowledged with popularity and liked by everyone, but it has clearly not been happening from asking the wrong people in general. I wanted to do well among my peers, but I don't think they really care as I can't really do the same for them. 

Instead of stopping at my own Facebook social media page, I want to go for something bigger now. I want to inspire others to be better versions of themselves while spreading around the good kind of humor. I would like to do this for free by just posting something online that could go viral. 

Better Concentration

I'm starting to realize that proper concentration is about blocking out whatever is going on in your head and then being attentive to what's needed whether it's reading for information or trying to complete some work. This is very important for my ongoing personal mantra so I believe this fits in now as a form of self-discipline. 

My mantra is still in order: positivity, self-confidence, and hard work. I'm going to add to it proper focus on the most important things and self-discipline. 

Unlocking Some Feel Good Power

Honestly, I feel like I'm better than anyone on this planet except for a few of God's chosen. I am a voluntary celibate! Supposedly these guys have been known to be able to finish some brilliant work, according to the old show Seinfeld.

I'm starting to really believe in this whole thing of chasing after values while connecting with a future wife. This is what I've needed all along. The couple girls I've been hanging out with are just too crazy for me to want to ever have kids with, and they can't even keep up with me from an athletic point of view. I don't think their focus is on really getting any much better with themselves because they aren't that active about it, or have other issues they think are bigger bugging them to go seek after a therapist. 

They are just good friends, and I never see myself dating them now. Examining values is now making it so much easier to feel it's case closed! I don't really want to be that open with these friends about how I don't like the idea of dating them. They do say that they hope I find someone, but it irks me because it feels like they want to pressure me and also say that they aren't interested to begin with. The thought of this makes me feel a little testy, but I did mention that I'm not interested in them but it must be that I'm angry about holding back and how they wouldn't want to. If this is the case, then I might as well just tell them what's on my mind and let them be schooled by me to never bring it up ever again nor with anyone, if I can encourage them to never do that ever! 

Moving Forward

I'm starting to not really mind being seen as a very short man now, even if it results in being looked down upon by women I meet who want to still date only tall men. I actually welcome the challenge. They honestly aren't that beautiful to me on the inside anyway. 

I'm not really into making dating decisions based on physical attraction anymore because I'm just tired of being overstimulated by it and then getting tired of the appearance after spotting a flaw that comes from a different angle. I want something deeper and I actually found what I need to look for from advice given by a successful married couple. They told me that I need to look for matching values and personality differences.

I can tell that I'm already very different in my personality and still struggle to understand some things about girls. I mean where can I still find squeaky clean and mature ladies around my age especially from hanging out with a couple girls who didn't know any better while figuring themselves out and having done some promiscuous things which I find to be no good. I did hang out with a girl like this already but I just thought she was too weird for me to be dating her and also I was still learning to cope with my lack of height insecurity! It's probably better that I spread out my time with meeting new friends while putting in the hard work to be successful. 

I think with these girls that I'm still able to hang out with them as just friends, I don't have enough matching values with them to be interested in dating them but we do have similar interests that allow us to have a lot of fun doing things together. It makes sense to me to confide in looking for a committed, romantic connection by probing for matching values. The height issue isn't such a bothersome thing to me anymore, since I can still build myself to become more healthy, athletic, and rich than those ladies who make having the right height or any sort of appearance a dating preference, which I find to be shallow!  

The good friend who claims to be shallow about height while dating is my soulmate. I mean I gave her that title and I choose to never go after being with her for the rest of my life. It's one of those funny beliefs that I have. I'm going to totally prove her wrong someday and let her realize her own downfall while knowing it's too late to do anything about it!

Staying Happy

I think a lot of it comes from being mentally resilient and persistent while carrying yourself positively during your own down days. There's always going to be a little sad and touchy emotion underneath, but I guess the process of dating for nice guys who are overlooked is to not give up and keep at it while doing something that keeps you in high spirits. 

For myself, it took me a while but I have found my confidence from trying to make money off of investing and trading for more free time. I also like to go running and hiking. Eventually, I'm going to do some more weight training to help build myself a beach body! 

The thing is that no matter how much you or others tell you, the majority isn't going to be able to keep at it! It can be very difficult indeed, but it's not like you shouldn't give up though if you are still interested. 

One guy I know thinks he's better and more deserving than others. I do too but the difference between him and me is that he doesn't want to always think and act like a gentleman when the result turns positive or negative. I'm more consistent at it then he is, so it annoys me with how he is and I think he's a lost cause and going nowhere with obtaining his goals from not having a good head on his shoulders. I have chosen to disassociate myself from him until I've reached my own personal goals so I can tell him that it's still not too late to turn it around by fixing some of his bad habits.

Improving on Situation

I'm of the acceptance that I can't do everything at once, but I now have this drive that I can always do better. I have this true self-confidence and that's probably what it's always been about for me. It's about performing better than before and doesn't matter what force is causing me to feel this. I'm basically a natural grinder. 

At the same time, I have accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior for all the past and ongoing mischievous sins that I commit. I'm even angry at myself sometimes like I can haunt myself with flashbacks that I wish I could take back and do better. It makes me want to yell out loud and start swearing over like I'm a guy who has been driven mad. I still believe that I can do better. 

When It Probably Matters

It's probably going to matter when you become more successful than others and get put on some radar along with some hopefuls who just want to look up to you. In other words, with being a celebrity, there are probably some exceptions and acceptances that netizens are going to collectively come up with and then start spilling some beans over with each other. Whether they want to drag down sales or something to affect a celebrity's income, I guess they feel empowered over their rage to boycott something whenever they are in that mood. 

I don't really have any part in it, but good friends do play a role and they probably have a stronger stay in your life than some gossiper who is going through some issues. Just a little while ago, I read another story about a boyfriend beating up his girlfriend. This gives me memories of being very angered by a crazy girl who was trying to just make me shut up about my anger issues because I couldn't communicate properly about it and move on. I've persisted so now I'm on a roll. 

I feel like I have put in the hard work on my healthy emotions to find that proper balance to achieve what I've wanted: self-proclaimed comedy that makes the perpetrator feel bad and stay quiet in response to me. My parents have been crazy and controlling with me, which I just started zoning in now so I'm holding them accountable about it lately and telling them that I will raise my kids better than them and allow them to decide how to live their lives when they grow up as another human being in the world! 

I've been manning up with natural self-confidence and communicating rather well with my parents. I feel like I can also do better than others who end up offending me over anything and even if I offend my own self sometimes, I feel like I can still be better. 

Making Improvements

I feel like I can do better than someone nowadays whenever I feel tempted about some old way that might waste my time momentarily. I think it's a blessing in disguise and comes straight from the Lord. I'm now falling asleep but I guess it makes sense with the time I should be knocking out. I just need to manage my time better with getting what I feel are my essentials out of the way daily. It's still a work in progress but I'm doing something about it and feel like I can still do better than others. 

All of this is my positivity for me and my natural drive to just keep on grinding it out. I'm feeling really good about making progress for myself now. 

Personal Belief

From how I've been living as a natural grinder all my life, I believe strongly that I can always do better than someone. Maybe I'm not that interested in what some people at the top are doing, but I do feel that I can lead a better balanced life than them. 

For all the things that I personally hate people have done to me and even about myself from having been dumb, I feel that I can still do better. I think this feeling is tied to my faith in walking with Christ. I'm a man of self-improvement and grinding to just keep on getting better and more balanced as a person because it makes me happy. I wish everyone in the world would feel very strongly the same way as I do and find their passion and place in this world but some are bent to their mischievous schemes or even lost in translation with living life itself!   

For myself, while I was broken I believe that Jesus found me so I'm going to identify fully as one of his children. The next step was finding the proper mentorship and guidance through indirect means. What I found was appreciating the values of positivity and hard work before getting around to understanding my personal direction. 

Therefore, I no longer see myself as a man of kind words but full of criticism and mockery when I've been angered by someone or something but I do believe that it should still be given a fair shot. If I personally catch on to anything that's truly evil, I will try to squash it. This is a difficult task that I prefer being humble about and probably letting the insiders with a guilty conscience to figure out.  

Staying on Point with Managing My Time

My time management is really bad and it's even driven a few of my close female friends crazy before. I guess my personality of being nice and funny enough is effective for them to feel bad about having looked down on me before and act like I deserve to date someone better than them! I realize now that being a short man has its perks. It naturally filters out all the shallow ladies quite well. If I was a tall man and got to this point of understanding dating women, I wouldn't want to date a shallow lady to begin with. Maybe she would be good at covering it up, if I turned out to be a sexy man but I've come to the realization after some hard trials and errors with building my self-confidence that a woman's appearance doesn't really matter too much for me to stay satisfied in a relationship. 

It's been crazy to understand what my life is about. I'm getting closer to my necessary revelations and feeling that willpower underneath me taking the proper route. 

Time Management Implementations

Okay, so what's on my mind right now is trying to make tons of money in the fastest and safest way possible. I really want to move on up in life now, but my roots are still in not forgetting where I was and giving back if I can while being inspired. 

I think the source of my main happiness really comes from worshipping Jesus in my heart. The Lord found me when I was down and broken, so now with all of this knowledge to help puff me up, I'm thinking that the result is a stronger and better version of me while still following after Jesus. What Jesus represents to me is salvation and joy over not being condemned for my past and ongoing sins. 

The thing that I now face is my mind daydreaming and wandering off with a lack of self-discipline and always experiencing a minor but fun mind lapse. In my childhood, I used to not be able to do this and be more along the lines of suffering underneath while doing my best to concentrate. Just from focusing on trying to push myself to concentrate, I would miss out on getting any schoolwork done to begin with and then I would lose some patience and go off trying to find something fun to play with on my computer. The routine became pretty lame after a certain point, so now I'm starting to see what I really have to work with. 

Mastering Effective Time Management

I think a lot of it now is pretty much having a clean slate that's going on in your head and willing your mind to focus on mainly the good stuff! It's pretty much focusing and committing yourself to doing what's right for you even when you're not feeling well physically or mentally. This is a very difficult thing to achieve but once you get past a ton of obstacles, then it feels much more natural! 

It's just worth grinding over with figuring out how to do it properly. I'm just starting to get better at it but what's probably getting me is how I'm letting my mind wander off too much. This is what I should be working on and finding a good balance for myself because I think it's fun wandering off over silly and funny things sometimes. 

Starting to Make Sense

I have a strong opinion that's formed based on my past experiences with people like Crazy Lee and a Chinese American guy named Washington. They were a bunch of weird wackos who were fussing about a petty situation they felt paranoid about! I was trying to be agreeable with them but Washington went around gaslighting others with his insecurity. At least he thought it to be true but he was a total jerk about it. His past relationship fell apart and he's probably never going to be around anymore ever. I'm glad I made peace with him a while ago, but that fool put a restraining order on me that was dismissed and I didn't even show up for the hearing from laughing about it while under pain of losing a friend, of course! 

It was crazy dealing with a man who was acting like a scared and spiteful little woman! Let bygones be bye bye gones. I wish I had the courage to tell everyone to go see a therapist back then. It was like total taboo for me to bring up and my manly personality was going to reject it and still does but I'm making do from being my own confident and mindful shriek! I'm saving myself tons of money reading books and doing inspired research like an Asian going bargain shopping.  

From these experiences, they suck and hurt but without accepting them, there's no way of understanding what's required with obtaining your true happiness. A friend claims I'm just dwelling on negativity; however, I see all of this as positive while playing out possible scenarios freely in my head. I have absolute personal freedom and a sense of nobility that I could embrace to legitimately feel like I'm better than anyone in the world! Yeah, let's go get that money, beach body, and cute girlfriend. 

Better Time Management

I think what isn't working is me just going home and relaxing while watching shows after dinner. It's just not satisfying enough for me. 

I'm going to analyze a buddy who has trouble finding a girlfriend. He has said that he enjoys being single to avoid all the headaches that girls can give him. He still goes around looking for dates and has had a few first dates that never went anymore. 

I think the main reason why he's unsuccessful with women is because he isn't attractive to begin with and doesn't make the right improvements that are necessary. Another friend and his evil twin who sort of have average good looks have some mental problems that affect their attitude and ability to initiate and maintain a long-term relationship. 

I've finally managed to overcome those obstacles, along with maintaining a decent happy balance to now be able to raise a family better than my parents did with me. First off, I'm not that shallow anymore and have been looking more for a high quality connection along with some common interests we can enjoy together. I'm very cool about settling as just friends because I can't really get tired of making new female friends who turn out to be amazing! I'm able to separate those selfish romantic desires that are going to be inappropriate and even not give into them when there's a window of opportunity after figuring out the big picture. I want a strong relationship that isn't just composed of physical attraction because I don't even need a girl to look a certain way for me to be in any romantic mood. 

Reaching Wealth and Glory by Myself

Since I'm a little short, I have figured out finally that I'm going to have a little harder time finding women to date. I don't really mind because I think of my height as filtering out shallow women already. In a natural sense, young women do start out as pretty shallow about height when it comes to dating. It can be looked at from the angle of natural selection. 

The majority of men who have girlfriends or wives in the world are taller than me! This qualifies me to be a short man. I accept how women are dating and marrying these taller men more than short guys and don't want to run away from it! It's sort of a numbers game as well and just how women must feel instinctually before falling in love since it's been already theorized that dating a tall enough man might make them feel more feminine and secure while being happy based on height alone!

A Bible verse states that man will judge upon looks while God always cares about what's going on in the heart! (! Samuel 16:7).  

There are also fewer women out there who don't care about height that much. I think these women are the ones who would be worth dating more even if I was tall to begin with, so since I'm short already it sort of gives me a better opportunity to ask women out and land someone who isn't so shallow or concerned about their man's height. Landing this type of woman with the right compatible personality will be like striking it better than earning all the gold in the world for me. 

To make preparations for this, I've learned to not be so shallow myself over women's appearances. 

What I Want to Do

It looks like I am very confident in myself now that I'm a bona fide sane individual! While still dwelling on the subject, the stupid people I dealt with were absolute imbeciles with paranoid thoughts and couldn't think straight. No wonder they haven't been able to influence and be totally successful people that mostly everyone can look up to. They were the ones trying to do me more harm by telling me what to do and focusing on something else that was wrong. This is just what I want to believe and argue about while being happy to release it by just talking about it whenever I'm in the mood. 

It becomes a lot easier to be agreeable when you are humbled by a better individual and who accepts for what he is. You have to try to always look at the big picture and think about what it is that you desire and work for it.

Something that I've gained personally is becoming comfortable about always working hard while not wearing myself out. It's a great personal commodity to have. From struggling to deal with stuff, there's something in the form of being a gigantic, ecstatic satisfaction to experience underneath when you reach the finish line after seeing the light in a dark tunnel and making it to the end. 

Going into Little Detail

I basically want to experience freedom in all five categories. They are time, money, relationships, physical, and spiritual. This is what it truly means to me in being an enlightened millionaire. I have become just another student in this way of life. I totally identify with it. 

I want to start reading like a bookworm and expand on my knowledge by doing software engineering and business development. I want to try growing taller naturally by trying out controversial things that don't harm the body at all! It's just time and money that could feel like a waste but at least the things I've been researching promote being more healthy and thinking kinder about yourself. It's one thing that is truly great to always do even if there are plenty of lame brains out there who disagree and want to be lazy and set in their own ways. 

The people at that old church have some mental problems. I now see it and don't mind confronting them about it because it deals with me personally. At the same time, I believe that I can find better people than them, so I don't mind debating while attacking their personal character and trying to force them to change for the better. At the same time, I'm going to be accepting of how they just are and let them know about it while saying that I know I can be better than them and find better people at the same time. I'm already ready to move on, but the only condition is that the church no longer exists at that same location and they moved to another address. This is why I'm taking my time to get to them. I have made a cool promise with God before getting around to deal with them. Becoming a millionaire with six-pack abs. I don't care how long it takes but once I reach it, I'll be ready for a wild ride.

Some people have mental issues and can't handle the length of time it takes. I don't care because I'm better than these people. 

What I'm Aiming For

It looks like I'm not really living up to my full potential in my free time. I really want to blame it all on my parents for being the selfish and rotten kid that I want to feel like at the moment. Honestly, I think they truly sucked at parenting and I can do better than them if it ever happens to me.

I accept all of this now with happiness and no regret in my thinking. I'm normally shorter than people who others might think of as being short in general. Being a guy, people in general are going to be judgemental about my height when it comes to the dating world with plenty of insecure ladies who want to be swept up in that happy fairy tale relationship. It's just the way it is and I was given a short end of the stick. I'm totally fine with it, since I've learned to be happy with where I'm at. 

I think I can still do better than all of those ladies combined in this world, along with my few good female friends. I really think I can obtain something great in a relationship and better than most people. I think I can do better in general than a lot of people. These friends were never good enough for me anyway when it came to dating.  

It's just going to take me a long time and this is probably what a lot of people will have some trouble dealing with. I even had a hard time myself while doing it all solo. What really changed my mentality around is just accepting the facts with positivity and putting in the focus whenever I can do it to get better. 

Main Things to Work on

I'm realizing that I feel these weird romantic feelings for a close friend. She's not really my type, and being physically attracted to her has already passed. What's weird is that I wasn't really that into her when I met her and hung out with her out of the blue. I was more into her outgoing personality and considered a serious relationship down the road. The more I got to know her, the more I thought of her as just a friend. I think I can find someone better than her. These instinctual feelings of wanting to kiss her are weird and something I will never give a thought about committing to ever.

If I fall in love with a good woman now, I want it to be because it's really all about just her and the timing was right. My other close buddy is just too weird for me to even want to analyze her love life. I think she's still cool to hang out with, but she isn't that mentally stable. I do like how she manages to stay humble and has a therapist. With some of the things she likes to talk about, I feel comfortable opening up with her about my life completely. This is probably why she's my true buddy and it's like she's been the only one I can talk to and have great conversations with about life. 

Real Things

I have been curious to explore more about my physical attraction with women. I'm not going to lie in that I find busty and slim women to look incredibly hot. I don't know if they are in good health though, like they could be fragile. I also don't know if they are crazy or insecure about the people they want to date. 

Despite the attraction, it's just like eye candy to me and there's really no relationship so it doesn't make sense for me personally to pursue after them out of just that feeling. I don't need to be selfish and have them always make me feel happy like they are some sort of trophy to collect! They are still people who have an appearance that I like in a shallow manner. I don't even know if this is a good thing for me, considering how they could have bad people obsessed about them. 

I'm in good mental health now and almost at an all time high. I'm not interested in looks anymore and would like to marry someone who has the personality I'm definitely pleased with. My other close friend who has the qualities I look for in a partner isn't really all that great of a person to always be around. She whines too much about her personal insecurities, but remains a good person for me to just hang out with. I think I can be with someone better than her too!  

Accepting Reason for Grinding

Being with a beautiful woman is probably not going to last forever. Her beauty is going to fade over time. What's more important is that I want to be happy being with the person all the days and still be fully attracted and in love. The outer appearance doesn't seem to be important to me anymore. If anyone wants to go around saying offensive things about me being short behind my back or in person to me then it's a joke and they are being stupid. I don't really care and they should go see a therapist if they want to keep on bothering and are upset by something. 

Anyway since there are more taller people out there than me, I'm more unique as a guy. I think I'm a hidden catch underneath from being grounded on having a great personality and self-improvement on everything pertaining to me while not being so shallow and insecure anymore. 

The main thing for grinding is to make a living and invest my earnings to go on promoting a better life for myself. 

Staying Focused on Being Balanced

I'm really thinking to myself that being with an absolutely stunning woman might not be all that it's cut it to be. Having both looks and personality isn't really that important to me anymore. I'll stick with her personality. I just don't want to be so selfish, insecure, and shallow anymore because I wasn't born to be tall. I think everything about me is okay, except that I might have stunted my average growth from having a mental illness during my puberty. This may be a concern, but I did lead myself to fully recover. I blame my parents for having had to deal with it!  

Stressing out about something shallow like that isn't going to help with good mental stability anyway. I've learned to accept it and just smile when I'm around taller people and they will be the majority. I'm not really taking the negativity so seriously anymore and something I find myself having to struggle a little bit sometimes. Maybe some people don't really struggle with this insecurity at all, which is how I want to eventually become. It's not really worth wasting my precious energy focusing on it for shallow reasons. I want to focus on what God has in store for me and to work on natural things to stay balanced. I'm still pretty curious though if I can get taller just for fun and I have done exercises in my mid twenties to permanently grow half an inch taller and also one of my cousins in high school did the same to end up being a tall Asian in my family but average American height. 

My parents want to blame me for not getting married, but I'm going to just blame them more instead now and accept my crazy and controlling parents. I'm going to just open up more to them. I really need to move out of their place and the reason why I haven't been able to do it any sooner is because I want to save up enough money to own a decent property that I can handle without stressing too much over the bills. If they can't stand me and kick me out, then I'll deal with it and have a bigger reason to succeed faster. 

I haven't also focused enough like I am doing now to make the money. I'm now into doing it more seriously than ever. 

Making a Solid Attempt

It's starting to make sense with my time management. I think it's more complete but I'm going to be humble about it and be open to improvement. My personal mantra is self-confidence, positivity, and hard work. 

I've added a powerful amendment to the mantra which will probably help me conquer my issues on time management. It's to focus on the things that are most important to you. This originates from the idea that 15% of the things you decide to do will be responsible for 85% of your results. 

It's starting to make sense with this whole relying on the Holy Spirit business even though I'm still far from perfect. I'm glad Jesus is always working in my life as I'm starting to become receptive to my full Bible audio app. 

Being Happy While Grinding

There's this feeling of negativity that comes up from not having someone to date yet. I believe that I will find her someday and even if it never happens, I'm still going to be happy with myself. This is the resolve that I found in me, so I am able to smile and be brave about manning up about my concern of being sad. I've just come to accept it and be happy wherever I am at and to just let out what needs to be said pertaining to me when it feels unreasonable. 

For the time being with the female peers I'm hanging out with, they are truly my buddies. When it comes to thinking about dating them, I believe I can date someone better than them. I'm not worried about bringing it up when it's appropriate or something they say referencing dating makes me feel belittled and ticks me off! It's because I'm pretty laid back and realize that we get along so well together as friends that I'm continuing to hang out with them and have this deep platonic relationship with them. I can't see them like sisters either because I'm too sensitive about it and already have a little sister. 

Adding onto Self-improvement

I don't really feel let down anymore to negative criticism. I mean why wouldn't it make one feel testy over it. I do it to others as well and have done it without knowing what I was doing. It's basically setting yourself up to live and die by the sword emotionally if you care about having a relationship with them. In a sense, this is what it means to grow as a person and picking up on the most effective techniques to realize your dreams with them.

I feel like I've conquered a lot lately and am capable of keeping this positive momentum building. I would really like to do something that affects others positively and something they see for themselves that they can do as well while being aware of the things they need to work on and can't really blame me for.