It Takes Work

For a guy like myself, I have realized that a woman's appearance to me means almost nothing. I appreciate beauty from inward and value how well the lady takes care of herself. If she is fit or well-toned, then obviously she might be above -average in physical attractiveness. Yet, it seems like any woman with the right combination of makeup and hair composition could make herself look beautiful. Therefore, the whole package of a physically beautiful lady is something I don't really care to judge. One of my friends told me that a girl's appearance and personality counts as 50/50. I think it's a little shallow but I do understand what he was thinking.

It's a little hard to defeat the self-thought of how natural it is for a man to view the physicality and have lots of fun with it. I understand entirely and laugh along in enjoyment with some of the guys' stories too. Yet, it's really about the ability to make a commitment and die to the self, along with endearing terms of stability that makes all the difference. The friend who cared about appearance equally as personality told me that he hasn't figured out the ladies yet. I have an idea of what's going on with his love life now.

Becoming Very Comfortable Around Girls

For a guy of my small stature and ability to rouse concern in others still, I was actually really shy about asking out girls. When this situation occurred where my buddy's sister was getting married, (that reminds me, I need to mail the card for accepting her invitation) I started sending out practice messages of asking out the girls I didn't really care would reject me. Basically, it was to make them feel a little weird inside because it seems like I feel what a girl would be feeling so that was like my intuition for doing so, and I had fun.

After writing out those messages, I just copied and pasted my favorite lines to ask out the girls. I then went down the list and lo and behold, on my third try, I received an acceptance while the other two reached back to me politely decline the invitation. Now, I seriously have the feeling that those messages I sent to the girls who never got back to me, have had a positive effect for my situation. The positive effect is basically making them feel like a bunch of weird and crazy ladies.

Just flat out, I seriously don't care if any woman rejects my advances now because I can just move on while feeling a little sorrow. I don't care about feeling the sorrow because I believe that eventually I will figure it out and the right person is someone I will be able to form a good relationship with me. Obviously, the ones who are attracted to me and accept my offerings would be the best for me to work with.

Becoming More Organized In Perfect Manner

I'm starting to look at my priorities at a more detailed fashion these days. It seems like it's pretty much doing something I would like to call action and review. From my actions and conduct, I basically do some self-reflecting on the spot and take mental notes and then put it all together from what I did in the past. Because I'm so used to my daily routine and applying this new strategy as a whole all of a sudden, it's like really natural for me in what I need to do to make the situation more ideally perfect. I'm sure that because there aren't too many variables to jumble around in this personal game of mine, I would be able to achieve near perfection eventually by like possibly the next couple encounters.

I used to feel this heavy burden of repressed guilt that felt actually really good. Yet, I was a hard time reading the situation and controlling my nerves. Some friends have told me to calm down and that I look so nervous. It's because I am having trouble assessing some situations from missing key information and then making a polite fit with the use of my body language. Calming my nerves to the point of actually feeling satisfied with having that warm and fuzzy feeling from having a really clear mind just happened all of a sudden for me.

I am realizing that small improvements in one's life do add up and increase confidence, mobility, and abilities. The key thing to get to do all these things has to start with committing to dying to the self. I believe there is a source that can feed you all the inspiration you need, along with finding the right kind of love to conduct oneself.

Power of Self-preservation

The title is just something cool I felt and wanted to put down. I'm sure that a lot of people value their own personal lives and do want to come up on top and be satisfied with themselves. It's just a natural human phenomenon. The way things have been turning out has been rather interesting because I am able to relate to most of my buddies' shared experiences, feelings, and thoughts. I don't mind listening to fun stories from the past some of them want to share, which is actually fun to listen to these days.

I have also told quite a bit about mine too and made people laugh. I have even laughed at my own comments too. I've been told by a former pseudo-enemy that I can be funny like heck sometimes. Others have told me that I am so weird and hence, there goes the ignoring my pleas to add me as a friend on Facebook.

I'm actually not so weird anymore and am actually pretty aware of what's going and able to man up now. It's only getting better for me on a daily basis. 

Starting To Stay Put

It seems like with all the seemingly mindful digressions I've been making with my own writing, none could really stand out any more than what appeals to the majority. I'm basically talking about the ones who genuinely care about my writing. I guess it's one of those quiet implications that are easy to catch on to or sometimes misinterpret.

All this time, I'm just illustrating that I'm really cool about almost anything that's happening now because I realize that my own emotion of feeling angry is actually the easiest to deal with and that's what I felt most of the time dealing with those weird and funny people. They are a bunch of knuckleheads but what can one do about it? The relaxation part really comes through exercising a selfless commitment of dying to the self which means not letting personal feelings or thoughts control your life's decisions.

Plugging Into A Routine

It's actually a lot of fun to be mindful about fun and exciting things to try out. I guess from all the weird issues with others I have faced, it's not really quite that bad as I had initially worried. My confidence level has just been sky-rocketing from the past year. It's just amazing how the heart of a man or woman could transform into better or worse so dramatically over a short period.

Looks like throughout my work days, I'm looking to complete mainly three different tasks. One of them is to work out and learn a foreign language really well.

Absolute Personal Path

It looks like I'm pretty much into my personal time and also because I'm not so disappointed about how things turn out anymore, I'm not even afraid of being rejected by countless beautiful women. I don't really have time to go approach and ask them out because I think it's a little rude to go up to them in public and say something. All I would really have to base it on with first impressions is their looks, and I don't really like that in principle. I would prefer someone that I can get to know as a friend and then start dating them to understand their true personality and then make a decision from there. Also, I don't really like unhealthy women to date for some reason; I don't really fancy it that much.

Overall, just a good spirit and someone whose willing to try hard is good enough for me. Honestly, I'm slightly biased towards my own upbringing and culture but I'm always open to hang out to try new enlightenment. More and more, I have a personal direction that I can feel with how I want to live my life and that's where I'm getting geared more towards now.

One of the bigger problems that I want to solve right now is finding financial freedom in the fastest amount of time while being the most comfortable at obtaining it. I have something right now to build off of, and I am so glad that I have read enough free information out there to have a great idea of what to look for. It's pretty much putting in the effort and time, but I realize that my knowledge could become really sought after if I do become successful, and I wouldn't really want to share it with just some stranger. I realize that I'm now committed to this endeavor and won't be disappointed no matter how long it takes for me to find the gold that I'm looking for. I think I'm feeling really confident with what I have to work with now.

Becoming So Busy

It seems like everyday that time is running out for me and that there are so many more things I would like to accomplish. I think it's because I value my personal time so much and have adopted a lot of activities that I enjoy doing on a daily basis. One of the hard and enjoyable things that I think a lot of adults don't really do is working out!

The satisfaction that comes from sweating and being diligent at burning those calories from running a couple miles everyday is just so beneficial. If the intentions are done for the right purpose, it seriously helps with creating a more self-appeasing personal image. It's now got to the point where I don't even judge a person's outer appearance anymore and use that to go out with the girl I'm into. I'm realizing that some of my friends have a difficult time talking to the ladies, and it's really frustrating to me with thinking about how they're feeling. I guess it's because this one friend might be a little too selfish and uptight about things and can't break out of that bubble; also, he's rationalized that his personality loses interest fast meaning that he's not really someone who likes to stick around with toughing out the bad times. Anyway, I think there's something good in it with how he verbally communicates his imperfections and tries to make some good out of his unfortunate predicament. He has changed his personal nickname with me from an evil tyrant to someone whose actually pretty successful at attracting the attention of other women. Hey, I can dig that!

Some Things Are Not Worth It

I'm now applying a little bit of personal costs with some things that I do now. It's like some things might look good at the surface but by meditating on it, it seems like it wouldn't do me that much great service. Therefore, I must cut off ties with some approaches and go after something that fits my best interests. From having built a little bit of self-deprecating humor, I don't seem to mind all the loquacious, negative interjections targeted at me these days. It is especially from some women who are pretty direct like this one friend who seems to be very scornful and moody at times while not being able to keep up with attracting a useful mate.

I've applied a new approach at looking at things, which is pretty much just being plain honest about the wrongs you see with a person whether you like the person or not. My statements are just stated in a pretty bold and direct fashion and from being a guy, it isn't even stated to be intentionally rude with someone so it seems to factor in with my reputation of being a pretty sociable and open guy.

I am now making bigger life choices than I could have ever imagined. I'm no longer this nerdy, computer game addicted, and girl-obsessed college student. I have much bigger plans to think about now, and my appearance is showing the honest approach and confidence. I'm so glad I managed to understand my personal feelings and how to manage it a lot better.

Key Factors To Success

You just need proper motivation, a good library, competent knowledge, and commitment to succeed at anything tangible in this physical world. I pretty much broke it down in one general sentence, which comes from my own life experience.

Wanting is the easy part in life because without it there's really no reason to exist in this world and also probably a reason why some people will never be fully satisfied in life. Selfish desire is a contributing factor to all the negativity in this world because let's face the reality, the majority lack something they desire so greatly. Even through all the bumps and bruises along the way with life's path, staying on the positive end and being so motivated becomes a really healthy asset.

It takes quite a bit of time and effort and so commitment would go in hand with establishing a good library which is like a river flowing with knowledge. Basically, it means that a person doesn't really have to download every single detail but can just make a mental bookmark and come back to the book later to seek the information when it becomes critically useful.

Knowledge is so important to have and with the background of taking classes and striving to complete assignments in class, it develops some working experience to help guide the individual with a confident approach on something that needs to be completed. Lastly, commitment is pretty much the will to succeed and would also go in hand with proper motivation. It's pretty much seeing it through all the way with great effort being made!

Making Time With Short Notice

A few personal things happen to me, so now I'm going to exercise my goals as best as possible now. Even if I can manage about ten minutes doing some goal, I might as well just make an effort at it now while taking care of the short term daily hassles that go through my current life.

I'm starting to see how much I value my personal time and what it's going to take for me to introduce another life into the world. Along with having to make commitment to the lovely spouse, I see the personal sacrifices that I will need to make to reach a lovely compromise with another lovable human being.

I basically worked out for only about 10 minutes and my time today was based on figuring out my road to take in the side career of making financial investments. I'm pretty much through with buying endless libraries of how to go about with investing. I'm basically ready to implement something that deals with using money to earn money. Buying information becomes useless if one can't use the information, so after all, there might be no real value in it but personal experiences that come from having made the struggles. Obviously, there are some pointers that need to be touched up on, so it's all based on personal preference I guess. I'm just glad I didn't become one of those pack rats who bought endless products and never got to working them because I didn't have the confidence to put it into action. It's pretty bad to be that type of individual and something wrong is happening in the head when that is happening. I'm glad I notice it now and am not really hurt from discerning these types of mistakes I was largely susceptible to.

Weird Dreams

While I was dreaming, I had this weird build up of emotions of wanting to pursue romantically after this one girl who is really weird but cute in looks. It's like I would seriously be committed to romancing her to enjoy lots of pleasure with her if one knows what I mean. I can't go too deep into details because of my tendency to want to stay with the general audience.

We have a pretty sour relationship right now, and boy she's actually a lot worse than I am. Everybody else has been laughing at my intended involvement with her, but I can discern how crazy she might be. I guess because of that craziness and my willingness to be more bolder makes me want to go after a daring route with her. Sticking to my morals, it wouldn't really be anything long term from how I've been brought up. It would be fun in the moment though, but from having thought over some things, I think it's possible for me to end up with a fun, beautiful, and loving wife at the same time too. I might as well exercise dying to myself over these short-term feelings which wouldn't do me much good for the greater prize that lies ahead.

Time To Work Out And Have Fun

I'm starting to not mind sweating so much while working out now, and it actually feels pretty good for me to work at a more healthier and muscular body! I'm not even doing it to try to attract any pretty women anymore. I see that it's really a long term commitment, and I'm totally open and relaxed about it.

Over all the stresses that I have dealt with, I never really openly lost my cool so much that I would even want to attempt to break the law or anything. It's just not my style to contemplate those kinds of things for long periods of time. One of my friend's ignoble and dull brother believes that life is about giving into the evils and darkness of order in order to achieve success. He keeps talking about doing evil things to attain personal satisfaction, but that's all it is, talk because he doesn't even know the proper steps for doing anything because of his slow mind. It gets pretty annoying for his family members at times but I have felt their adamant disapproval because I'm a family friend.

Basically with all this talk that could get me feeling pretty mad is something I'm learning to deal with now. I'm learning that a lot of things don't really matter in life now and that it's really about dying to the self or making these selfless sacrifices for the greater good and actually being to able to handle it. Ultimately, the decision lies with the person but I've noticed that some people who act pretty weird with me have been afraid of me influencing them in a direction they don't want to go. I'm just that good at figuring out what's going on in their heads after some period of time passes.

Making Affordable Risks

With the spending money I have, I think I have a clear idea of where I would like to risk my money into now for investing. I see myself risking possibly about $500 per month for investment ventures. I've been in it long enough to be comfortable losing that amount if it does happen, but to also have fun reaping any rewards that comes my way now. 

For some reason, I'm really protective about the way I'm conducting myself now and enjoying myself really. I guess I could just have fun with it now and not really worry about the money so much. I'm just having this confident attitude in myself with managing my financial risk now. It's like I'm in personal control with how I much to deal with my own money now. 

Originally, I was looking to risk about the same amount for poker but now I believe that my personality isn't really suited for playing cards at a professional level. The best way I'm making money is by running when I profit about 20% growth in my buy-in. This is how I'm running- basically, if I make any amount of profit once I lose that amount then I am looking to run after increasing by the desired amount again. Comparing with other investment choices and thinking logically, it would be better to risk capital for greater profit while setting it more-or-less on auto-pilot which would give me freedom to focus my interests on other things such as family and friends. This option is something I've been trying to work with for the last couple years and now after having made some costly mistakes, I'm ready to actually test the waters with it! 

Since I never blew out my initial account and won't ever be tempted to risk so much for one trade, I think I'm confident enough to become a financial risk manager on the side and to hopefully earn a decent income off of it. I'm subscribed to so many sellers who say their system is the next best thing, but I know what I'm looking for. Mainly, something that's being given away for free and works effectively. Obviously, I have to put a little money into it if they manage to gain my trust, but I don't mind losing a couple thousand dollars over trying to launch a side career that I see has personal benefits for myself. 

Googling My Way To Hope

It's pretty crazy how being at the computer and browsing through info feels so seamless and effortless to me now. I think it's from having plenty of experience and knowing what I'm literally looking for. Basically, I'm just going after what my motivation lies at first and simplemost and not being letdown if it doesn't come to me right away.

It even works out for me in the area of relationships. I don't mind if a girl I like or even if I end up disliking her attitude later decides to reject me for any purpose. I'll just move on to another girl who I actually like and will accept me for who I am. It's pretty simple but very hard to achieve because of these personal feelings of expectation not being met. It's from having lost a lot of heart and discerning how life just isn't going so well in a sense.

Getting out of that state of emotional depression took quite a bit of effort, but now I'm just feeling really healthy underneath and like a flying bird! First off, it took smaller building steps to get to me to the goal I was looking to achieve and to have a better understanding. For instance, I had to learn that some things others do to me don't really matter in the long term. This set me up to mess around with those people and have some fun with them while doing something to them that would make me laugh and at the same time, I would share with them that it didn't matter.

Lastly, after awhile I have finally learned the bigger picture and it's pretty much personal sacrifice being made into a commitment. It's really powerful to be selfless and even feels really good when it's let out during approriate times. In other words, I've been learning to die to myself to accept the daily situations of feeling angry, and it's worked out pretty well for me and I'm just glad as a result while noticing that the things that have been bothering me don't really matter anymore.

Personal Preference In Card Games

For all the time I have spent playing online poker, it now looks like the most, boring and least compelling game of fixed limit hold-em is actually becoming my best style of earning money! It's pretty weird because I've been always trying to beat the odds in NL and despite me being dealt the best cards, I've been still getting hammered by other gamblers.

By playing fixed limit, it's basically limiting my loss in case other players to do get lucky against me or give me a better fighting chance to catch up on a hand. Everybody else might find fixed limit to be boring and slow but it's given me a chance at making the most reliable form of return. I'm realizing that poker is a game of marginal returns; it isn't something that will provide a huge return on the long run because of all the time or money that must be put into it. I see the pay off might be realistically like 20% growth of buy-in amount per hour. Therefore, poker is only going to be something I do to just have fun occasionally but for serious purposes I would rather focus on burning my money for a trading career and other educational endeavors that will reward me with stipends.

Exercising Well

Currently, I'm doing about three sets up of 25 quick push-ups separated about a minute apart and then breaking out with a set of 80 sit-ups. I then repeat those exercises again. Afterwards, I go for about a 2.5 mile run. I'm now adding in maxing out my pull-ups from having actually acquired a bar. The next day, I'm giving my abs and biceps a rest by just doing the run and pull-up exercises. I plan on keeping up with this exercise program until I can perform a set of 75 push-ups three times under a minute each and do 150 sit-ups. I'm managing to increase a repetition of push-ups once every two sessions and five reps for sit-ups at the same time.

Once I have that goal down, I plan on focusing on muscle building through the all-body work out programs like P90X and Insanity. It should be pretty cool to be engaged in those things. Also, for being a pretty good looking short fellow, I'm going to attempt to make myself taller by burning possibly less than a thousand each year on healthy nutrition, supplements, and research books to see if I can grow bone tissue well into my later 30s! I don't care what anyone thinks, I'm just crazy about trying because I am willing to spend the money with my hard earned cash!

Finding Suitable Grounds of Living

It looks like I'm actually starting to live the way I want to now and actually feeling quite good about it. A lot of it comes from not being too worried about things and decisively going after what I really want in life. It really comes down to perceiving things accurately and sometimes making difficult personal sacrifices, but in the end I think it can amount to something good no matter how big or small. It's how things should really be after all.

It takes a lot of experience building for myself and also making great effort to go with common sense. After all, the personal excitement can come from finding a niche that others don't really find in life. One of my closest buddies bugs me a little by gambling at casino games where the odds are slightly stacked against him but so far he's been having a good winning streak and is having a lot of fun from winning. Once he starts losing, he's a pretty sore loser so I guess it's good then that he knows when to stop once the massive bad luck starts kicking in.

Anyhow, I'm starting to look for a way to make a decent return in living and am going after trading my money. I'm pretty much looking for free information and something that could kick start my trading career. Basically, I don't mind losing a couple thousand dollars over it because I have a full time job that pays decent enough to cover my personal expenses. I guess it's worth the excitement to try the thrills of a good trading career. I've been at it for quite some time and have memorized a decorum of how winning traders behave. It's basically a long term thing and I can accept that because the skill is worth gaining for myself and once I have it, it's going to be all for myself. I plan on also giving back to society for the skills I learn because it just feels good to help out the needy for myself. I'm going to hook up some buddies of mine but the valuable skill I learn to master will be mine to keep for life, which is well worth the couple thousand dollars of loss, much like the price of a decent education.

Moving On So Easily

It's not so hard for me to move on over some past issues I had trouble dealing with now. It's from realizing that they are not so serious and doesn't really matter a whole lot. Sweet! I guess the only reason for going back there to the Lion's Den is just to mess with people now, so yeah, I can expect them to get their shotgun shells nice and polished to aim straight at me.

I pretty much am satisfied emotionally and physically to the point that I can move on now from being aware of the situation that got out of hand. For the permanent record, it really doesn't matter and is not such a big deal.

Butterflies In Stomach

I used to feel down like when I ask a really important question to myself and then the other person never gets back to me. Sometimes, I was a little too heavily invested on the emotional end and it bothered some people very heavily. With learning to take in their abuse, I've always been pretty good about not turning sour over any relationship.

I guess in some instances you just have to move on and try harder the next time. Honestly, I think it's just going with your gut feelings of what you really want to do and then just adjusting to any situation that works against you to constantly stay on the positive end. Overall, I don't think I really have to worry about too many things anymore from having finally received a perception with people that I'm actually happy with. It's based on acceptance and honesty to the fullest scale and it makes me feel like I'm living a free life with really no burdens on my shoulder anymore.

Also, I'm still getting some butterflies in my stomach when I try to do some crazy feats that I'm sure is unique and something others would never think of trying. I guess I'm not that type of special individual to do those types of things and actually get away with it while others around get to observe the live installments I instigate to ultimately attempt something comical. Yeah, I like to have a great laugh about things to release my own personal stress without physically endangering anyone's life.

Not Being So Bothered

My anger is pretty much embedded into a personal belief system of doing what's right and strongly persuading others through the raising of my voice to do something positive for themselves. It's pretty much an area of playing with fire, and in the instance of letting my fire fully burn against another weaker competitor like my little sister, she doesn't stand a chance.

I could take on a nice ideology through being angry but it feels like I'm cheating using this method because I would have to absorb a lot of personal pains in my life and also live in an up-and-down roller coaster while not fully developing in some areas that I have preference over. I recall that I tried the witty approach where I would just say something pretty witty and funny to overthrow a lady's roughness. Even if the lady or man decides to become crazy and I have to dodge some of those things he or she brings up against me and even if it becomes a little painful because I wasn't prepared to absorb that type of personal shock, overall, it's actually pretty funny on their end and nothing I should really be so worried about anymore. I shouldn't be dwelling in anger which is the wrong way of associating with this type of thought.

Income and Free Time

Being at an age of finally understanding my peacefully, slightly crazy little sister, I think I feel pretty mellowed out. I'm just taking this approach of being fully blunt about what I'm visually seeing in my head and not holding anything back. It's a good thing, my mind is trained to not say bad words out loud when I'm leaving messages on people's voice mail. I would really have a hard time forgiving myself if I used those traditional bad words found in the English language that billionaires occasionally use. The reason for this is because I said bad words to my friends when I was little, and it didn't make me feel proud or anything so I stopped for good.

I pretty much have to accept that most of my friends use bad words! I'm not the one saying those things, but yeah, I understand their expression. Oh well, I'm not fretting about it. Just typing away, I can't help but guffaw at my own writing a little silently. These stuff are just coming out of my head, and it's just how it rolls. I've been given props by a female friend that I write really well, which is nice. I guess when I've had this blog around for quite awhile, then it's really have a place for someone to read it in this whole wide world at a certain moment in time. I am honored that someone will have read at least one of my posts. I guess the main reason is that it might come across pretty funny.

Exercising Discipline

I think things are getting a little more interesting for me these days. Despite me feeling numb about feelings of rejection from people and being laughed at by friends for anything I did wrong, I still want to be a man of principle. I don't know how it got to this point of me really being able to handle my own personal emotions and actually become bored or accustomed to them.

Contrary to an angry church congregation and really ticked-off only little sister telling me that I needed to get some help, it's starting to not really matter what the issue was really about. It's a bunch of bulllocks with what I had to go through emotionally, and I guess the fires of the trial put me in a better situation by just making me feel good most of the time.

I think it's actually a lot easier for me to move on now and go after a compatible and loving relationship. I'm holding no grudges because after all, it doesn't really matter with the situation that transpired. Interesting enough, I'm actually laughing at most of the material I've written because even though I don't mean to be funny, I think I can be to a good amount of friends at certain moments.

Might As Well Get Used To The Yelling

When I talk to some people who are just helpless individuals like my little sister, she'll just start screaming right away about nonsense and start bringing up stuff  to try to make me feel bad about myself. It's starting to make me laugh out loud thinking about that. I wish to always muck the angry feelings that I feel underneath and just tell the full truth.

My buddy tells me that I'm starting to think like a white guy. I'm just going to go based on principle, living my full life, and live a decent life while being fully open it with those full people. I think it's time for me to read people right and prevent very bad situations happening and then work out of those situations. If my life gets cheated, then might as well accept the downfall. I do feel that I fit in the status quo of average people these days, and I seem to have this influence inside of me that draws away negative people and brings the positive ones closer to me. I don't think I'm in a bad position with what I worked so hard for in social situations.

Making Emotional Adjustments

I used to have this conscience where if I failed at something for a certain intended purpose, I would just be down on myself and crash emotionally. I was ingrained from an early age that drugs wouldn't solve my problems, so it eventually got to the point where I felt weird from having to overreact with them.

Even though I'm feeling like a horrible wreck underneath and feeling so much frustration and angry with someone, I need to remind myself how it doesn't really matter on the long run. I might as well just go with my gut now in those areas and move on.

Becoming Wiser

Man, I forgot to update this blog last month because I was preoccupied with trying to live my life. I feel like doing so many things and absolutely nothing comes according to plan with the way I exactly planned it. I don't think I'm struggling with emotional problems so much anymore.

I think I should let it go and consider how much it really doesn't matter and work on those things that I have a discomfort zone with. Basically, I'm starting to think that visual things don't really so much in principle and that it's really based on long term traits that I'm looking for. If all of it adds up, and I am capable of placing that before shallow things then I think I'll feel pretty good.

Chilling At Las Vegas

I forgot to bring my digital camera, and I'm at Las Vegas pretty much chilling. It's so hot outside or that's what I'm mainly worried about, and I'm not really doing anything right now because I'm just waiting for the sun to go down. I have been doing a little gambling and pretty much feel worn out already with it.

I don't really know how professional gamblers are capable of running so well and earning lots of profit. I guess it fits very well for some people whereas others will always struggle for the rest of their lives. One can always dream but living that life just doesn't happen for everyone. I think I'm going to not become a full-time professional gambler. I'm realizing that my personality likes to always seek after an advantage but professional gambling is based on marginal odds of profit. In other words, it could sometimes become a lot of grinding. 

I think since I'm at Vegas, and there's really nothing to do might as well just gamble at cards a little to pass away the time. My personal preference all along is to make money man and Las Vegas might not be in my favor to run so well and make so much money with my preferred style.

People Who Mattered

This is an area that makes me feel like an idiot. Pretty much, I was counting on some weird people to continue being my buddy, including on Facebook, so that I could keep on living while feeling like everything was well (basically, peace and safety). The result? Well, not so great of course! 

I can see how wrong I was; there literally is something wrong even though those weird people would personally state that nothing was wrong. They are also into that peace and safety belief system too. I'm glad I've been just knocked out of the undrinkable sea and placed in a plane of deep revelation where I can drink living water! 

Those people mattered to me in the beginning, but it doesn't matter how they conducted their affairs with me. I was just stupid in letting it get to me and being outplayed by a simple click of them deleting me as a friend on Facebook. I think there are those individuals I connect really well out there, and they surely are pretty nice people with their own messed up quirks also. I guess there's a reason behind all the unnecessary madness but it's something I don't think really matters anymore now and is inconsequential thanks to my personal abilities of letting go of frustrations through being like a phenomenal leader in that moment. 

Pretty Flattered

It's pretty cool that this really sexy and hot lady was trying to pursue after me on Facebook. She is a real person who actually updates her Facebook profile with her own personal photos. She is a self-made, part-time model. Wow, she is actually pretty hot and she was kinda into me while messaging me about asking me to chat with her and stuff. It was a little nerve-wrecking for me in her approach, but I guess I love the fact that she wanted to give me a chance for whatever reason she felt was good.

I pretty much bumbled the opportunity like I have in the past with other attractive women too. I'm pretty stupid in that I inadvertently push these beautiful women out of my life because of my personal complexes that I can't get over and then become depressed later after realizing how I let a really beautiful woman in my life go. It's pretty much heart-breaking, but maybe I also broke her heart in the wrong way too at the time by not responding properly to her call.

Developing Holistic Approach

I realize for the person I am in my demeanor, I am actually finding favor in a few nice individuals as well. These people are really nice and pretty cool with me. They greet me first at work and want to make themselves known with me. I'm really honored by that and pretty blessed by it.

I am noticing these little body languages that are so cool and such a privilege. I used to be bothered by it and my body language was just so weird. I was so confused and out of place with the world, so much that it made some other weird people in the world ask me to get some help.

Basically, releasing the frustration through bravery which is something that I needed for myself, it just helped me to find breathing room to continue with my life. Basically, avoid legal battles for anything with others, keep all damage to the least amount, keep it legal, and go for doing it all to get rid of the frustration in one shot! It's all a natural thing and sometimes, you just have to wing it to achieve this simple and precious thing.

It Really Works!

Sometimes, when the gut feeling is so scared of committing to a brave act you carefully thought of and discussed with an individual who supports you, it becomes really hard to not be influenced by others. It pretty much comes down to having to listen to your heart and going with it.

Just from going with my gut instinct, it tells me to release the frustration with the least amount of damage done possible and to keep it legal and then avoid legal battles. By doing this, it gave me a really positively rewarding and honest view of the situation and helped to me to find those unspoken areas that felt like I was being left in the dark.

I realize that through the conflict, I have potential to be well-liked by those individuals but they are just too crazy in general for me to hang out with. It's pretty crazy through the little acts of courage I did to express my true desires of liking a pretty ugly lady who I thought was pretty at the time, it would carry over later in the heat of the moment and actually give me a favorable result. Basically, she didn't want to fight against me in a legal battle or anything even though she was pressured by her mentor and other peers to do so.

Focusing Better In Life

A lot of distractions from feeling angry, sad, upset, or lonely don't really matter to me anymore. Overall, they don't really account for the big picture in my own personal walk in life. I pretty much realize this and now I have to go about living a really productive life.

It's just having fun and personally making myself laugh and then going about doing stuff. The things that are stressful is not really too bad for me to take anymore. I really need to try to find stuff that would work better for me.

I have all this stuff planned out in my head, but they never go according to plan. I might as just start out with the basics and try to apply natural time-management skills through a committed effort.

Getting Used To 2nd Shift

My second shift at work currently has been leaving me mostly sleepy for the last six months. I think there's definitely something wrong with me, so I looked up online some tips on how to go about it. It basically says to limit to deep sleep at about 4-6 hours each day, take 5-hour energy shots, limit sugar intake, and then have regular exercise and proper diet. It also says to not stand around and get busy with doing something and also not taking naps during break time.

My body is usually shot up at work for a couple hours at certain periods of my work schedule. My supervisor has recommended me to switch over to the first shift because my body is just incapable of handling the workload while being awake because it is extremely dangerous and something could go wrong if I knock out at certain parts of the job. I'm pretty concerned about it myself, so I might as well see to it that I do something about it.

Pretty Cool

When I describe something stressful that took place for me, it might be actually stupid but from actually finding that accurate perception through all of the bizarre moments, I feel really relived and satisfied with how I have been conducting myself. I have actually been described by a pretty sensitive and eccentrically self-assured lady that I am a very smart individual. I take that as a compliment while having actually taken out her to lunch and all that as a pretty close friend to her.

 It's pretty nice to be in a considerable admirable position with where I'm headed in my life. From all the hard work and training, it would be really difficult to not perceive how far I came from and with the actions I took, it's pretty darn cool and so self-fulfilling while leaving me just gaffawing at the situation that took place. The other side doesn't look so appealing now and something I don't want to be a part of anymore literally from amassing a whole lot of negative reasons that are strongly justified in an emotional way.

Overall, I'm just so relieved from having taken proper action to get something done. It took a lot of guts and wasn't easy doing it for myself, but I see how it can relate with helping others in this world and so it's just this really positive energy that flows to reach others who have had some sort of connection with me.

Developing Interesting Writing Style

I guess I start out with the words of "I guess" all the time. I'm just stating the personally obvious that might be funny to a couple people and then go for appealing to the masses. It's a lot of fun to write in this manner. Basically, I'm having a good time from laughing at the dryness that I am writing even though it might be stupid to others and then just trying to relate with everyone.

I have this morally upright standard in that I don't really believe in using slapstick, insulting comments to exploit comedic efforts unless I'm extremely anger or frustrated at the person I'm attempting to do that to. Anyhow, I'm just thinking now that I desire to limit that amount by turning into a one time thing where I let go of all my frustrations in that one setting through being this creative person. I sort of have to nowadays do this to compensate for my pretty capable mind these days. I do believe in staying legal and the minimal amount of damage so to maximize the effect, it takes quite a bit of time in general but I'm just going for doing it in a natural and very quick way. After doing that, I do feel very relaxed about going after my personal endeavors and to compete in the financial world for earning a living. I don't harbor any hatred with anyone who beats me out; I just get extremely angry sometimes when I get met with unexpected opposition and from the frustration, I act out of character to resolve it sometimes.

Anyways, from being legal and minimizing damage while pouring all my heart out onto a personally frustrating issue, I feel really released from the poison that came from it and totally relaxed about getting back to my personal studies.

Openness Policy

For a time being, I felt like I was becoming really dependent on this blog to detail all my results in life and to pretty much create an Action-Review type of journal for me to look at and also to share with others interested in reading this blog. It seems like I have been attracting some unknown readers from unknown parts of this world.

I'm pretty much this type of individual who doesn't expect much out of this blog, but it's so interesting that there are a couple people out there who don't mind anything I put on this site. For the most part, it's pretty harmless even though I felt like I was being a really relentless beast (ignorant and senseless) at certain times I was actually putting something up here.

I guess it's one of those appeals of how I feel that the show must go on. Some things left unresolved are sometimes the most frustrating things for me. Anyhow, I think I did enough of my shares now to fully be brave and content and to move forward in my life without having to significantly look back anymore now at what I did. I'm sort of happy with the turnout for myself.

Staying Diligent And Committed Through The Bumps

In terms of being successful at a sport which is pretty much competing against others with a specific purpose of beating the other person and winning to exploit the positive feelings and rewards attributed to it, it pretty much takes a lot of darn commitment and hard work. There are bumps in the road of life that will occur and knock a lot of potentially good people with great skills off the map. It will also weed out the people who are weak in heart and also those who are smart to figure they can't be successful in it for any reason.

I'm sure failures make a lot of people upset in this world, but at the same time, it's also natural for others in general to also not really be mindful about it and turned off to those who have become embittered by it. I think I see that happening with a lot of older grown-ups who are jealous of others or wanting to personally entertain themselves even though their life might not be that great as they expected it to be. I remember watching this YouTube clip on how they did a experiment where this attractive woman who is clearly portraying herself to be a gold digger placing an unidentified substance (actually sugar) on a drink and then the actor who is portraying a millionaire starts acting weird and needing to be hospitalized! The observers who were guys start mocking what they saw and joking about it while hoping the millionaire hotshot gets what they think he deserves for dating this beautiful woman who is only out for materalistic things.

Overall, I don't know how I came to drawing up that funny anecdote I saw last week, but it just came to my mind. I also remember the reporter of that T.V. show being portrayed as a self-seeking beast who wants to promote himself and leave others in the dust from a movie. Hey, I guess the news media can be a cut-throat business too.

Getting Things Done Effectively

I guess I am the type that believe it or not wants to chicken out on a lot of things after planning it for awhile in his head but goes through with it anyway when some things seem to backfire or feel like an obstacle. I pretty much do a lot of improvising when I am fully committed at something and wow, it really developed some happy results for me in a short time frame.

Maybe it's because my mind is so numb and desensitized to pointless things that would be annoying to others. Yeah, basically knocking my frustrations out of the water so quickly through any available means really helps me out in becoming a very productive person. It pretty much ends up with me personally laughing at the situation and sharing it with a couple people openly, if they care to ask about something that would be perceived upon as a stressful or negative event. I seem to belong still and get away with it and at the same time look pretty darn good for the individual I have become. I guess overall things are pretty funny and actually kind of fun with the type of lifestyle I have been living.

Attempting To Find Gold

It seems like I'm a more content person these days because a lot of things go out one ear from the other. There are just a couple things that just get to me so greatly in that I will focus all my attention on that one little concern. It feels really condescending to describe this in writing so much that I want to erase this content to try to make myself look good.

I guess the sardonic appeal for myself and personal laughter that I invoke from this feel good passage that I am concocting is awesome! Wow, I am becoming much more eloquent with my writing and all these complicated ideas that fit into one big word is just flowing really well for me these days.

I am so amazed at how easy it is for me to just type something so flowy and this is just me being partially random and following some pattern of instinctual discipline- meaning I have developed some positive daily practice that actually feels really rewarding and just free-flowing from all the negative stress in my personal life.

Letting Go

I have learned that it may not be beneficial to hold on to something positive that really isn't there when it comes to dealing with individuals. The best thing to do is to pretty much be honest and knock out the frustration as best as possible in the least amount of confrontations and minimal amount of damage in a legal manner.

If something just keeps bothering you and you can't do anything about it but go about bugging the other person (even if you are being nice) who doesn't want to have anything to do with you, then that is going to make things really messy. Might as well just do a creative and legal behavior that would satisfy your urges from being so frustrated with the individual. Obviously, no one wants that from the other person and just wants to be left alone. I'm just saying this for those who are just really belligerent with their emotions- rather than committing a crime, might as well do something healthy and constructive instead of being destructive.

It's pretty much a one shot and possessing a ton of guts to let go of some dumb conflict that's been bothering the person for a long time, while being legal and morally in good considerable standing. I guess it's fair enough from a third party person and smart to filter out those individuals who have problems in general. We all have problems in general, I guess some individuals just connect better with others for any specific reason.

Trying To Catch Up

Haven't really been able to update this blog, so I might as well try my best to catch up before the month is over. I guess nowadays I feel a lot more confident and directive at obtaining a goal such as taking out all my frustrations in a creative and legal manner. It may be questionable at times to others who are absolutely bothered by it, but they can't do anything about it because I'm just slick like that.

One of the cool things from staying with reading something and trying to apply critical thinking through the use of logic and straight-forwardness is that I'm feeling a lot more smarter. I mean things are just connecting more and also my own personal judgements on the vulgarity of men and sensitivity of women seem to make more sense too with others.

Happy Father's Day

Today was actually quite an interesting day. I have some problems fully opening up online because I don't want to just spill and share everything to my knowledge. I guess I will put down what I feel is really comfortable for me and gain even more maturity as time passes with what I decide to put on this blog. I just may start adding in some photographs, too to document some of my personal discoveries and quirks!

Overall, I must be not that really at all appealing to become this full scale news writer that would bring in some fans. I'm not really pursuing after something like that. I'm just looking after writing to complement living a personally full life. Also, if it could influence others to be in a better path then that would be nice too.

Oh yeah, I totally forgot that one with Father's Day, there was this really cool event going on regarding a theater in the O.C. Fair. It's pretty much a faith movement hosted by Franklin Graham. I thought it would have been to cool to check it out, but looks like I missed out on it. I'm totally buying into this whole looking at the entire Scripture outlook now and letting it sink into my personal life.

Learning From The Mistakes of Others

I guess when someone does something you totally detest, you can always learn off of example from their own personal mistakes. Even if the person is clearly weaker, I guess you can always discern much more stronger characteristics that should be taking place and to use that to your personal advantage.

I basically totally feel like I'm living the dream with some of those individuals that tried to stir up some nonsense with me. I'm going to basically work on having compassion for those people now and just go after living a full life while not really caring about those incidents, not making any personal mistakes I would regret, and just go for the direction I should be living now.

Utilizing Personal Time Better

I think I have an area where I would like to get to, and it's something that I really want to strive towards now. I don't have any apprehensive feelings over it and am now willing to go full charge at the strongest grandeur of things I never imagined.

It's just amazing how my personal emotions just strengthened itself all of a sudden, and for some things, what it's worth isn't really that bad. It can also be pretty funny even if it's a little emotionally unsettling! I'm starting to become a whole heck of a lot better at expressing my full self more courageously. It's getting a whole lot easier and so I might as well just go after the things that are personally the most important things for myself, no matter how much I feel with a person does would be beneficial for that person. He or she made the decision, so the form might as well play out in a later time even if it doesn't show to be that much of an effect currently right now. Overall, I'm just becoming more efficient with something.

Totally Free In Spirit

My mind is totally relaxed about everything that happened to me in the past. I have now done what I personally needed to be satisfied about a certain situation and now ready to move forward permanently. Now I'm just thinking to myself "Oh well, they are not that smart anyway!" Besides not having that much time anymore, I think I should build my life elsewhere now.

Having this new level of concentration now, I guess I shouldn't let jealousy or personal anger from absolute disapproval of something just get to me and cause me to do some negligible things to a person. I'm going to learn from that as an example and not be that type of individual. I'm not even going to allow fear, discomfort, or any emotional pains get in the way of the situation. I am also not going to allow it to haunt me in the near future, while making peace with it at the full blown scale now.

Oh boy, those people were really funny and they didn't know what to do with their part in getting along with me or reestablishing a decent relationship. Looks like, I'm just constantly reinventing the wheel these days. Not so much of some old things I did, but more of looking forward with a better mature personality and actual sureness in my own spirit.

Going After Better Opportunities

The thing I find the most important in life with settling down with a beautiful person is to pretty much not let their unavailability or rejection to bring you down. In terms of confidence, it's important to not force the issue at hand and to focus on finding the opportunity elsewhere if it doesn't present itself to you in that time. I'm a really fortunate person capable of talking and acting my way out of many distressful situations a few people tend to try to hurt me for.

I can honestly say now that the two individuals who were supposed to play the biggest role in my life but I didn't let them because they were just holding me back are absolutely wrong about everything and with how they behaved to deal with me. I feel safe to now close the book on them and to move freely with my life after giving them a heads up confrontation where I will probably be an absolute jerk to them. It's going to be extremely quick and blowing things out of the water and result in me running out of the building! The actions I have planned out in my heart is so fast and fluid, where they won't be able to do anything about it no matter if others get legal law enforcement involved with the situation or not.

Moving On Effectiveness

I predict that I am going to be a really absolute jerk about a misunderstanding two individuals have had against me. What I'm doing is going to really make sense and clear up confusion really fast while making me look good to them at an individual level. I feel like a jerk having to resort to this level of personal individualism to get them to calm down. Even though they acted inappropriately from the start and didn't have to behave in that manner, I'm thinking about just moving on after being quick and ruthless with them and running out of the building!

The way that I want to structure this ruthless plan of mine is that I will feel like a jerk afterwards from having let that bad side of me come out in the open. I normally try to control my temper tantrums and angry feelings in the flesh where I just want to plot vengeance to strike their heart and damage their personal feelings. If I see them again or others affiliated with them, they won't get in the way and even if they have their hand with wanting to intrude somewhere in my life, they won't be able to make that much of a difference. This behavior of a jerk that I will momentarily be with them is that I want to have the confidence where they can't affect my life anymore and then just move on.

Finalizing Moments

I can honestly state that I have lived a really interesting life to my personal existence and enjoyed literally getting away with things even when a few individuals have thought that I'm crazy. It's time for me to move on with those people and let them walk in their own meaningful path of existence or letting them coexist with others in their own world. In this instance, I'm just going to have to be the stronger person now and focus after confronting them with an issue they don't want to face alone.

By not needing to put that much thought into it anymore, I'm learning by habit to focus on more important things such as work and personal endeavors on developing other key relationships now. I realize that I'm going to occasionally feel a little bothered underneath from feeling like a short person or something not going well as I had hoped but it's not going to change my personal efforts to be gentle with everyone and positive outlook. I accept those feelings that I have because it feels a lot like multitasking where I make the effort to continue striving after something and pushing a minor setback out of my heart.

Letting It Be For What It Is And Unrehearsed

I guess the time where colors should pretty much fly around the whole world in a social setting should be when you realize or suspect the person has a misunderstanding with you and is acting out of character (basically, if his behavior in any way bugs you). Being a guy, women require a different taste to settle this thing, but with other guys and for them not even being your best friend and just a stranger; well then, it looks like things could a get little too hot and dangerous for him.

Instead of just imagining scenarios in my head, I'm just going to let this play out with my own full instincts. I am going to put it aside and focus on the practical applications of my life. I am going to basically do the boring stuff necessary to get further ahead in life and enjoy it the best I can by making an effort to not be so bothered by it. I'll just let it sit on the back of mind in how I will deal with those retarded individuals and commit myself when it feels appropriate or nervous for me. I'm going to place more emphasis on how I live my life right now and what I do with it instead of plotting anything bad for them. I'm just going to let the raw energy flow this time. Immediately, I find myself holding back afterwards and being actually pretty comfortable at doing that with other people and just getting along with them just fine. You just can't let something silly like this thing ruin your life; I know it's a really difficult thing to resolve and that a lot of people just give up, but the happy ending is what all of us should seek after no matter how wrong or that big of a jerk we become.

Realizing Nervous Potential

When I want to commit myself to some areas like dealing with some really retarded individuals, I sometimes get this feeling of nervousness underneath. When that happens, I need to accept that I am going to be a big jerk to that person. Other than that, it comes down to what we both believe in and resolving all the misunderstandings. After that is done with for all the effort I will myself to put in, it's time to move on if they are still being only slightly retarded and can't like me as a person. All I really care about with individual relationships that have gone astray is making sure they understand me completely where I am coming from.

Being nervous, I accept that I am a big jerk to the person and am just going to behave accordingly with that personal theory of mine now. I have the guts to work under feeling pressure and the courage to not back down when all seems lost and my belief in something is so great and I just don't know what it is yet. It takes awhile if I can't figure out what is bothering me and from all the unnecessary attempts I made in the past, I was learning from those mistakes all along. Now, I know that I function with getting people who are against me to understand everything about me and to shoot down any misunderstandings. If they still don't find any favor in me after understanding me, I have no regrets with moving on these days. This is just my personal policy and I don't care how selfish it is because I am a big time nightmare to everyone who doesn't understand something about it.

No Use Thinking So Much About It

I pretty much function like a nightmare when anyone has a misunderstanding with me. That's why I try my best and even selfishly sometimes to get the other person to understand me. If they understand me, and don't agree with me in a certain area then I am fine with it especially if it comes to the point of not being able to be friends anymore. I'm starting to just naturally be a person who thinks about the stuff that bothers him and come up with those very sound arguments that just feel good to visualize if you are in the person's shoe. It takes getting through a lot of hardship and occasional failures but through the effort, it's amazing how it all ties together so fast once the realization has been made.

With strategizing, I see that there's a point of no return in some instances for the person you are in conflict with. In that case, I think it's almost like an open battle and can get really dangerous if you are not careful in how you go about things. It means if you are going to go further, you have to be willing to sacrifice some personal freedom in your life. It really becomes about what your values are in life and how you much committed you want to become. No matter how dirty the situation becomes. Whenever that nervous feeling cuts in, might as well just think you are a bad person and move forward in your attempt to do something. I just see it that it's based on principles of what you believe in and if it doesn't tie in with society and you become a misfit or mistreated for it, then might as well reconsider from time to time no matter where you end up in life.

Place for Allowing Raw Energy

There's a place for letting this whole raw energy come out, but it's important to not let it consume your entire life. I guess the nervousness underneath me is going to get to me a little anyways, so might as well not think so much about it and just go with natural instinct and reflexes that I was born with in doing this approach. With good friends and good strangers and those who have yet to find something wrong with me and get bothered by it (most likely a misunderstanding), I will make a great effort to love them.

Now, I realize something has become too late and what really gets me motivated in life to center all this raw energy is when someone has a misunderstanding with me and displays a mark of poor character. I have to be way more careful with women in this area, but with guys, I will be way more neglecting. I like to use funny speeches and funny illustrations that others would just go crazy over to laugh about, but now, I won't let it consume me and make me so weird anymore. I'm going to put the imagination aside because it can never be exact for me because I'm going to be nervous and then combine every effort I learned so far to get what I want out of the situation. I'm just going to set it aside; I have the guts required to let out my raw energy and it is what I plan on doing really soon to a guy whose such a person who can't let go of things and be so much of an exaggeration in what they think about the situation. He's the perfect candidate which I now realize, so I will just let my life naturally play out and just commit myself while I am extremely nervous to what I am about to do and hope for the best outcome with this individual. I am going to be the most hard working at the time and place for that short period of time than anyone I know!

Using Honesty and Consistency

I realize the experience I have with great people is unique and awesome! I don't feel at all let down if a person just doesn't like me for who I am, but I might be the type of person others have to make an effort to understand at times, if they are just the type of people who like to exaggerate on things.

I'm basically a complete jerk when someone doesn't understand me and makes an issue about something to try to help me especially, if I am off guard and the person is doing that to me. This type of conflict is extremely annoying and something I had a hard time trying to calm myself down over. These days just from making the effort to be sharper and witty, it just all happens naturally for me.

I like this new personality inside of me now that I've been developing which is being more open with others and very confident in my approach. It's this new form of discipline that I am finally adopting and becoming more mature with.

Relying On Improv

I am now seeing things more clearly so might as well just focus on the important things right now. Compared to some people who have problems with me, I'm just going to go all out crazy with them now by just being random and following my gut instinct. Other than that, I like this whole calm persona inside of me now and just being cool with everyone.

Misunderstandings are a pain to settle no matter how long the period is. Might as well do things that just throw them off really hard and get them to doubt in their personal system of thought. I'm just going to try doing things to them that others would laugh really hard if they heard about it and where their allies would feel discouraged in supporting them. I'm just use anything now that comes to my head that would just get to their nerves super crazy from what they think is crazy.

Other than that, I'm just going to live my life in a personally good way the best I can now. I'm not going to let those things get to me and prepare for it mentally by just doing random things now. Anything that just pops out of my head, I'm just going to go after it now. With family, like my sister or other girls I have to be more sensitive with them. Other than that, I'm just going to go random these days with some problematic guys and see where that leads to. Overall, I'm just going to let all my emotions run wild and handle them and make sure they are being addressed to the messed up guy. I'm going to be overall just very normal to the best of my ability and make the right effort as a person.

Being Mature In Feelings

Being mature emotionally has been a lot harder for me than I could imagine. I used to be so disappointed at life; not so much anymore. It's just plain and simple in English; just deal with it. What I see myself doing more is just making an effort to put some personal feelings behind me and just progress forward.

It was crazy to see this one girl being actually pretty laid back with me and slightly interested in getting to know me. Oh, so she's actually pretty and a genuinely sweet person. I got to talk to one of those and get to know her a little bit, which was nice. That's where with those young and really beautiful women, I need to put those feelings behind me and just be mature. I'm doing that more these days, but some days I'm not focused as I would like to be and go off a little. I guess it's all in the mood somehow. Looks like I found out that an e-dating site can actually get someone a date. I never knew that could happen for just about anyone, but I guess it works.

Focusing On Right Things With Desire

This is a really tough area still for me. I guess it just happens with a few individuals not really liking me for some reason and then causes others to not like me as well. This whole nervousness underneath me while all this negative commotion which was filled with distorted truth really distracted me with living my true life.

I realize that I am just a nobody and can't function in life without covering my head with my hands sometimes. I'm just going to go take a nap right now before I continue talking about random things. It's time for me to act to get the misunderstandings taken cared of. I'm just going to go full out random with that area because it doesn't matter what the end result is as long as those misconceptions drop out of their minds. In the mean time, I'm going to go live a full life and take my time.

Things That Don't Matter

It takes time to let stuff work out especially after not having made the effort in the beginning. I think that's one of the most important key elements. I guess the things that do matter are having the right kind of connections.

It seems like I do have a good set of friends; most of who are long gone and really have no beef with me. I guess the thing that probably gets most people to not really like me anymore is having some issue that they can't get over with me.

Where I Finally Stand With People

It's been a good 13 years of weirdness for me from high school to college. Even I had a couple chances at love from a couple great women. However I would go on to heavily fail to seal the deal.

That's life and believe it or not it's normal. What I am finally getting at is that I have been having the hardest time with people coming up with wrong comments about me and me not understanding where they came from. I was so immature about it to and fuming so much underneath. I now am not so mad because that's one of the bad things people could do to me and where I will actually act to get that fixed.

I care about the really wrong misconceptions that affect my relationships with people. I don't mind letting go of some as friends if they completely understand me and just plain to choose to not like me. Some of these people with misconceptions are also associated with bad character and thus, I wish to limit socializing with them now after letting them know and if they still don't wish to change.

Basic Stuff

I'm now thinking a little more logical and systematical about how I would like to make an earning. By going after the guarantees in making a living, it makes it more easier for me to then invest a little time in going after some risky ventures for trying to become a millionaire at a young age! Managing finances well and becoming successful while having the money to support loved ones and to be able to help out the poor a little makes it more comforting and encouraging for me to go after this route in my career now. It all started a few years ago for me.

I do have a guarantee in gaining profit, and it is also expandable which can also become very beneficial for me as well in my personal life. For instance, I have the opportunity to earn free money from just taking online courses and learning a language. It's an extremely great incentive for me and I shouldn't let up the opportunity because I'm interested in reaping up residual income.

There's a lot of time commitment issues for me, and I realize that my time is limited with how I spend time with some good friends. I really want to form a strong basis so might as well go after establishing the building blocks one at a time. Since I'm pretty much a grinder with earning money, I might as well grind away with grabbing income in the areas that would be most beneficial and financially rewarding for me and then slowly add in the areas where I want to be actively involved in.

Creating bank takes a lot of commitment and besides just talking about it, it's just a matter of not being lazy and going after it. The hard part is actually visualizing the opportunity in your head. It should pretty much be a step-by-step process. Wherever you go, there are always people to make friends with so might as well not be so afraid of letting go of being around some really good people and then form new relationships again and keep the old who were just so great with you! Basically, what I look at right now is pretty much a guarantee of earning money from having successfully completed a task; it looks like I have a really superb opportunity right now with something and I shouldn't let time go to waste since I'm now interested in it.

Progress With Losing Weight and Exercising

I really like training my body these days to feel and become stronger! It's a daily effort for me, but I will take a break on Sundays. I'm currently trying to focus on losing some weight and then managing it so that I wouldn't have to worry so much about it.

The way that I just function is that I have to develop a routine and stick to it and then let myself be carried away a little. It's just a lot of hard work and putting in the effort while not being bothered by anything. I guess that's what makes a person successful!

The way I plan on losing weight is to pretty much limit my calories and let myself starve a little bit from snacking on junk food! I have been the same weight from eating whatever I felt like everyday and then working out the same day. If I diet from some bad food, then perhaps I will be able to see the results from my weight a little quicker.

The basic workout for me is to just do push-ups, sit-ups, and run for two miles every other day. For the other day, I just try to run a little longer. Technically, I'm running every single day of the week so I could lose some weight and eventually maintain a desirable weight. The effort I put in is a little above average then I'm sure most obese people would be able to handle. It's going to extremely hard and mind battering to lose all the creeping weight; even possibly, the person could just be ignorant about how big he or she is and learn to cope with it while not caring. It's weird because one of my cousins will feel hurt or get mad when I tell him how overweight he is and that he should focus on some physical activity instead of being lazy to lose some of that weight and become healthy again.

Maybe for some overweight people, it's just a life-style they don't ever want to refuse. I'm personally concerned about it, so whether my future spouse becomes overweight or not, I'll tend to trying to get her to go take a fresh walk with me at the bare minimum on a daily basis. This would mean I would have to make a great effort in getting to know her and leading her while encouraging her with what her needs are and then do a little positive reinforcement to get her to stay healthy at all costs. Obviously, I want to start off with a spouse who demonstrates a very healthy life-style and is willing to make the effort even while being a little injured.

Placing A Ton of Heart

I really like the idea of just keeping things simple these days and not stressing about anything to keep things usual as they are. My mind is just so programmed to be engaged in some daily behavior, but now my heart and soul just wants to make a more wiser investment so it could benefit my life later. Perhaps, pursuing after the greatest goods that I can obtain for myself would have a better lasting effect for me in the areas of success.

I'm not even talking about cheating to get somewhere. I'm talking about making the natural effort to get to somewhere that you want to be at and with all of that ton of energy spent, the work would finally pay off and bring some fulfillment to your life. It was really difficult for me to also pay attention to other people because I just wasn't the type to listen from not having that much trust over being spoon-fed with something. I really needed to have a good idea of the experiences people share to appreciate the information that was being transferred over to me.

After feeling like my heart wanted to just relent and shut down from just not feeling right at times, I'm just technically bored and making sense out of my past and trying to get something out of it.

Preparing Early

Sometimes I find myself feeling really worn out about what I have sights set on and not even placing any attention on it. I think that's a bad thing because we all should have something to keep ourselves occupied on. These days I'm becoming more mature than ever, and I'm not totally bothered by what constitutes as boring anymore.

Learning a lot of good things in life over these last couple years has made me appreciate my true friends and also not so worried about being rejected. Maybe a thing I could try more is to be mindful of others and put myself in their shoes more. Even if there's something I don't like about the person, I should just give a lot of personal effort to let those things not bother me in general.

Basically, I'm starting to become someone who doesn't really to procrastinate anymore. Besides, I'm totally wasting my time and regretting what I did if I don't get to those personal priorities. There's definitely no problem to the feelings just not being in the mood while working hard to achieve something.

Ideal Goals

The ideal goal I have in mind right now is to pretty much lose the extra 15 pounds I have in mass and then focusing on working out to gain some muscle! I would like to also enjoy being able to day trade some stocks. Because of my lack of time, I might as well just try to keep everything simple for now and then work at it in being self-motivated to move up the ladder.

It's pretty hard for me to get started, but I've actually been getting consistent with my personal hygiene and working out on a daily basis. It's not so hard once you get into the habit of things. I'm just catching myself sleeping on my chair right now because I still have another 2 more hours after it changes 1 AM before I put myself to bed. I sort of like this because it helped me out when I did it last week.  

Pretty Sleepy Right Now

Right now at my time zone, it's 12:20 am and that is pretty much an early time for me right now because I won't be sleeping for another three hours. I'm just trying to train myself to stay awake at will so I won't do bad at work. I'm falling asleep at my chair right now as expected. I'm someone who just needs plenty of rest to be able to function, but since this job is really tough especially working at the night shift, I should pretty much not outdo myself with the free time and stay committed to earning a living during the week!

I'm starting to be really comfortable with all this grown up talk these days. I'm just not sure what I'm going to be doing if I manage to become successful with my life and have enough money to retire early. Becoming mellow and just telling personal jokes is starting to never become old for me now. I'm just getting old, and underneath, I'm understanding my place by also not being afraid about anything happening.

Focusing Better

I'm realizing that from working out and trying my best to stay focused at my job, my mind is just so relaxed and it's easier for me to not get so psyched out anymore from feeling like I am being overwhelmed with personal tasks. I'm pretty much enjoying myself more.

 I guess I'm just old enough to be able to make responsible decisions for myself so that's what I should seriously be focusing on. Just de-attaching my negative emotions from some things, it's been a lot easier for me concentrate on being a more productive worker.

From all the time I have been spending on useless things, it just gets me wondering how I've still made it to the point that I'm in right now. I guess this is where I might have been naturally blessed in that I have enough mental and physical prowess to earn a decent paying job.

Living In Gratefulness

I guess I'm living in times where the little things are what can occupy my mind and where I don't really pay attention to the necessary things for my own survival. I should pretty much be content with what I have after how I was brought up. This is what I believe I should be doing more lately.

Some days, life is just good and other times, I feel like I'm totally lacking in some area. I guess this is how it is for others too. Training myself to not get so mad anymore with people, I still get a little moody or jumpy sometimes but so far, I've enjoyed the personal progress I have been making.

Making Better Profitable Decisions

I think it's important to make the right investments in life because it will really help out seriously financially a person's life. Sometimes, it's just better to not rush into something when you are not ready and take your time with developing in some area. I'm starting to learn this now after having tried to rush in so many things.

First off, it started with letting go of my dependence on video games. Slowly, I'm working my way to letting go of too much T.V. and other things. It's pretty crazy how a little focus can go a long ways for a person sometimes.

Trying To Stay Awake At Work

I have recently had a little issue in how I end up closing my eyes while standing and dozing off. It's pretty weird because I think that my body and mind is still active, but it wants to stay focused on something bigger than the job I'm working on.

I think the strategy is to pretty much practice before going into work with being awake on Sunday the time schedule of the company you work at and then sleeping during those regular hours. I guess it helps with helping the person from being exhausted and adjust a night before trying to work the next day.

For my job, I pretty much finish work at around 2:45 am and go to sleep at around 3:30 to 4:00 when I get home so after sleeping early on Saturday. Now, I'm up just trying to stay awake for about three more hours.

Organizing Time Better

My mind is starting to get used to the idea of being constantly bored and not really hanging out with anyone now. I'm just not really the same old person as I used to be now. I'm pretty much learning to be in self-control these days, and I think it's just going to take quite a bit more effort to get to where I want to be these days. It's pretty much the same old boring me!

There's really nothing that's inspiring me to write. I'm just writing for the sake of doing it right now and hopefully, maybe I'll start picking it back up. Writing in a way is used for intending a purpose, and I think the best ones I have written have been for such. I feel really rusty about writing right now, but nonetheless I might as well just put something down to get the week going for myself again.

Around Some Really Nice People

Growing up with some really retarded people in that they weren't really that courteous and sort of had their problems to deal with so they kept to themselves, I'm amazed at the really good and nice people I am surrounded by. Yet, for some reason, even though these people are great and actually nice while being fun-filled, it seems like I play an influence with how the environment is shaped.

I feel like I am this lowly-shaped short and unattractive individual who is a really big failure. I just thought that people wouldn't be mindful of me, but they actually are with me. I don't get it with how the majority in the world when they bind at one place, this little area that they have preference gets to me and how I try to manage the negative feelings I get from it.

These people I have been around are amazing and truly a blessing. I feel bad from being a sinner last weekend or maybe it was a little too much fun that I shouldn't have involved myself in. I realize that it's these choices we make that shapes the individual we become.

Very Difficult

From the way I have grown up and been born into, things just don't come that easy for me. Just imagine this, a 5' 2.5 male individual messed with the heads of some feeble-brained peers and then received two restraining orders. That person is me, and all this time I've been thinking about how short I am and how I can't fit the description with my personality of needing a few restraining orders.

What it means to me is that I make a few people around me very uncomfortable with me and really scared. It's actually cute! After being so angry for a long time and plotting many different scenarios in my head of how to get to back at them, I just have to live with the fact that some people are stupid and will overreact with you and that I have to get used to some people I get to be around will behave this way towards me.

Basically, anyone can place a civil restraining order (civil harassment) on someone and anyone can call the police on anyone even if it's just lying. The fact that I view traditional society to be where the tall and good looking people get the hookups, I have to wonder how my diminutive height and low self-esteem personality got me two restraining orders; even though the plaintiffs are really weird people and make themselves unapproachable, I have to sort of think that it's cute they found me very uncomfortable and scary otherwise they wouldn't have filed one on me.

The fact that I let them have it by not challenging to the court's ruling even with a lawyer present by my side makes me wonder how much torture I made them feel from having to subject them to dealing with a permanent issue that would never resolve itself. This time I have a natural policy now that everyone should develop- it doesn't matter how big of a criminal you became just do this, if someone calls the police on you then call the police on them and make up something that makes sense. If someone places a restraining order on you, then put one on him or her no matter how big of a friend he or she was to you. Be sure to also mention you will do this to the people there. This is my personality, once I reach a common ground; it's time for me to move on with these unstable people and not even hang out with them.

Committing to Goals

I have found that writing and sharing your goals on a blog can literally help shape who you become as a person. I know this because I've had this blog for about five years now, so with the influence it's brought upon my life with all the little things added up, I can see that there's been a significant change in my life and it's for the better.

There's always a time where you just feel good in the beginning to do something. Why else pursue after something so cool, which is having those positive feelings? After awhile, things just come up and it just might extirpate something you thought to be going well for you.

Then again, here goes my goals because I'm just feeling emotionally constipated with these positive and entertaining feelings and just this constant feeling while sitting down and doing nothing, it's pretty weird how it's developed like this. When I will myself, my mind just turns to feeling bad and then after an abrupt moment, it's back to feeling constipated in a good way. Very peculiar, but something funny and I suppose it's something very new for me to get used to these days and definitely, I am looking forward to live with it.

 I am going to work out six days a week to the best of my ability. I am going to get plenty of rest whenever I can afford myself to sleep. I am going to make an effort in any way to get myself taller daily by doing something physical with it and then try to add in the good nutrients to see how that goes. I am going to just party and crash and burn on the weekends man, it's going to be like living a celebration for me! I am going to get my lazy butt to sit in front of my computer screen and learn some Korean everyday. I am really addicted to reading about stuff and playing my piano; boy, I really am going to find some systematic way to appease those emotions. When I tell myself, I'm just playing one piano song, I end up playing like ten! I think I'll play my heart out on the weekends then. Definitely, no real time for T.V. and surfing on the Internet these days for me. For now, I'll trade in being knowledgeable about the world for personal development and success in what I want to do. I guess if it's that bad then someone is going to say something about it around me anyway.  My heart is just worn out a lot and I think I just need to develop a happy routine that I can catch onto really fast in a daily fashion.

Putting Wonderful Thoughts Into Motion

I need to work out big time! I am gaining weight that I don't like, even though I am a guy. I am trying to work out six times a week, but after doing it for awhile and then stopping, it's been difficult for me to retrain myself to commit to those work outs. I guess that's very excess, trying to work out almost every day. I just want to physically be in shape and have those rock-hard abs I could show off to the world and then take photos while just doing back flips!

Even though I'm a lot better at handling my personal feelings about how short I am now, I still want to try to increase my height. I managed to figure out these stretching exercises that will temporarily make me look about an inch taller with my body. It's pretty crazy, but it isn't magic- it's just working out and doing some weird and painful exercises to get the body to straighten itself out and then forcefully look an inch taller. I did it and permanently added a 1/2 inch to my latest height, it was pretty cool that I committed myself that long.

The hard part about doing those growing taller exercises is dealing with my impatient attitude and feeling disheartened about continuing them while having emotions of wanting to cry for those uncontrollable feelings. I don't let those emotions out with others, but it hinders me a little sometimes. I understand that it's like a bipolar reaction for me and that I just need to retrain myself to let go of those feelings. Just because I like the idea of being taller, I'm going to try to make myself taller again and spend a little bit of money on it but also work on not being bothered with the height I currently have to live with. Even if I grow up to be 60 years old, I'm still going to try to make myself grow taller naturally without cheating with medical surgery or wearing elevated shoes, I'm a man! Maybe, I'll share those growing taller secrets with my kids, grandchildren, nephews who knows and they could be blessed to be the height I've always wanted to be and revel at the knowledge I had and be able to start a tradition of passing on those secrets to future generations- that is if those kids want to be tall, I understand some kids just like staying short for as long as they can!

Being the Pursuer

I am pretty much the big and great pursuer. I am the initiator; without being direct about my purposes, it leaves for interpretations and if people are emotional and have had trouble settling their differences, then I believe these people are going to feel very insecure with what I am doing and start making comments about how scared or uncomfortable they are with me. It's actually really cute, even though I was really mad to be able to discern those feelings from them for awhile.

It's pretty odd and funny, while it could become really dangerous for me at the same time. I sort of need to watch out and possibly avoid these types of unstable people. I guess the warning signs are there for other people, especially with what I went through so others may pick it up from me too right away even without me understanding the situation at the moment.

I would like to pursue after good people- the ones who actually wouldn't mind going out of their way a little and the ones who actually are established with some resources they can share. Dating a pretty girl who is unemployed might be fun, but what would be even better is if she was this determined person who already experienced some success and was interested in me. It's easy to be a dreamer but it's sometimes very cumbersome to reach a decent status.

Daily Struggle

My daily struggle is pretty much willing myself to figure out what I want to be engaged in and to try to limit the excess amount that makes me feel like I wasted my time. My other struggles also include not becoming so angry inside after thinking about some people who just were being stupid or crazy with me and unable to make the effort to get along with me.

Being truthful with my intents and being able to take big hits, I think that's the life of a true man! Just like how I'm so tired inside, all these emotions pretty much just originate with me. With all those people who just start going crazy and trying to reason with how bad others are conducting themselves, I think they seriously are being dumb and need to go talk to a professionally trained and caring psychologist. Yeah, this may be true but how many are really going to be very upfront like this and tell the person while realizing this at that moment in time. It's a lot easier to see when rewinding but what about experiencing it at a later date?

Making Sense Out Of Things

Time is so valuable, and I'm understanding it more these days from working ten hour shifts! There are a lot of things I want to accomplish, and I'm realizing that a lot of it is mental. I mean playing video games and keeping myself occupied with it is really fun but ideally, I'm starting to feel that I'm wasting my time.

Instead of really watching T.V. or movies, I think I should really focus on living a full life now. This time that I have to myself is something that I don't really want to let go of. Being single, there is this great gap of time with what I want to do now. At the beginning, I was really rusty and just going about trying very difficult things that I was just inspired to do. I lacked so much knowledge and had a pretty weak heart for developing myself, which meant that I just wanted to stay steady with something good.

After going through some grueling periods, I no longer need that. I'm going to go after what I'm looking for. I pretty much like the idea of having a form of residual income while being able to focus on other things. I'm just like a lot of other people too. I'm sure people would just love making a million bucks and having all this free time to spend time with loved ones or travel and do fun things without no one really invading your personal space. That is the goal I am currently trying to accomplish now, and I'm willing to work really hard for it. Along with the fun things, I have an itchy desire to just learn about complicated things like how the human body works or mastering physical mechanics in this world. It would be cool to be able to spend some time doing those things too by developing something personal that brings me income. I am willing to take affordable financial risks now for accomplishing a goal of a more enlightened direction.

Letting Things Run Smoothly

Ever since breaking out of a major depression in my puberty, seriously, I was just love hungry and thinking like how could a short and chubby guy like myself end up with a smoking hot wife. To add to the sorrows, I bombed an Honor's English course because I couldn't connect with Shakespeare! I felt like my love game wasn't smooth enough and that my Ivy League career was over; on top of that, I was so short-sighted and feeling so dependent on being around company. I was just this lonely wolf underneath and not doing so hot; one of my teachers took notice. Man, I was so dumb but thinking back it just makes me literally laugh about everything that I was going through underneath.

These days it's just flowing and even though I'm a lot shorter than what I would have liked to become, I'm just not letting that play a major downfall to my confidence anymore. I'm not even comparing my height to anyone, but myself. I don't care about a girl's appearance; heck, even almost all the beautiful women in the world seem to look like whatever to me. Okay, maybe a few of them might be really fun to go out with for me.

I'm starting to just be relaxed underneath and just making the effort to not worry about the pain and suffering from feeling so short! I'm accepting the situations I'm in and choosing to not be bothered about anything. This has been making it a lot easier for me to will myself to living a diligent lifestyle. Comparing myself to some people better than me, I'm pretty much nothing. There's nothing to it! In all absolute honesty, willing myself to go in the right path and direction has been pretty nice.

Hard To Stay Consistent

I guess there are normal times where when things are just feeling solid, something just happens to your mind or body and then you just want to shut down from progressing in life. I have learned that even though I am still under some controlled rage, I still want to not be bothered by anything. By working hard to be not be bothered by anything which is probably what most people would logically want, the mind can be willed into clearing itself up!

It's definitely making a choice and putting in the effort to commit oneself to not let the actions of others offend you so greatly that it causes your actions to be influenced. When that happens, I think the person who is under this situation should pretty much go talk to a trained and caring psychologist. There are some people like that one person in a group who just vents about his or her own problems while talking about how bad others are. Since I've been in a mess with a few of those individuals, I'm now espousing that those people get some psychological therapy to find a way to not stress out so much and verbalize it!

Things Really Coming Together

To get to where you want to be in life, there needs to be some form of discipline. I'm realizing this more each day as I reflect on the true meanings of life. Honestly, deep down inside there are sometimes desires that are just completely obsessed about delusions. It's really hard to break out of that personal mood and not giving in to the flesh without feeling lousy, tired, bored, and lackadaisical. Therefore, my body just puts on its thrusts and then I make will to willfully committing personal sinful acts.

I'm not very proud of being ascertain with those moments. Some people have told me that pretty much everyone is like that where they fall short in something sinful. Although it may be small and the majority won't do something crazy enough to be put into jail, it's just something in our human nature that we tend to forget about.